Title: Artemis Fowl – Babysitter Extraordinaire

Disclaimer: Okay, I'd like to say that if Miramax, Puffin, Mr. Colfer or anyone else having rights to the AF series is reading this, OH MY GOD!! Please please email me, even if you're suing me, just let me talk to the Man. And I loved The Wish List. Something like that. You get the point!

Setting: Two years post The Arctic Incident, Ireland.

A/n: Wow, I got reviews for this! I'm so excited. Any ideas for 'ships? Or don't you like that. Maybe Arty/Juliet..or Holly/Trouble…or Root..or Butler. But not Arty, she's way too old for him(Elves live three times as long as Mud People, right? Holly's 80 in TAI, right? So therefore, by human reckoning, she's around 26. right? Heehee).

Zoink: What are you waiting for? Get that book for your friend, quickly! And thanks, too.

Tigris: Hehe, thanks loads. I'm a sucker for fluff and for writing fluff. Really! Anyway, I just thought this would be too cute to write.

Lady Of Stars: Thanks! I kinda came up with it quickly so I just did the basic prologue. Thanks for reviewing my other and rather crappy story as well.

Eleida: Now that you mention it, it was a little weird. I will now explain it!

Kelti: Thanks, I'm sure it'll come in handy.

Mage Kitty: Er, lets say they both look about the same age. Maybe one and a half years old, two? Tell me what you think!

I'll be sure to review all your fics, I always do that, just gimme a while.

Right, then. Here we go.

Juliet Butler jumped. What in the world was that?

She unhooked her punching bag and stepped out of her room. Instinctively, she looked around first. There wasn't going to be anyone there, she told herself firmly. Nobody could get into the Manor without everyone in the house knowing. Especially Artemis.

First, Juliet went upstairs. Young master Artemis' study, where he had been spending all his time since his parents had gone to Hawaii. The door was closed, naturally. She never went in there; her brother took care of the kid.

Just as she was about to twist the doorknob, her hand jumped back. Training. She frowned. Resting her hand on the doorknob again, she realized that it felt warm.

"Oh no," she murmured.

She took a few steps back, gathered up her chi and kicked the door open with a cry. She balanced herself for a little gloat. No such luck, she was caught by a wave of smoke.

Coughing, waving and cursing, she stepped inside.

The fire had passed, it seemed that Artemis had managed to activate some sort of fire guard before leaving, something designed specially for Fowl Manor. It prevented flames from spreading out of any enclosed room. It had worked, but just barely. Everything was ruined.

Shocked, Juliet simply exited the room, closing the door behind her. Once outside, she bolted downstairs. She had to find her brother. And master Arty, of course There had been many burnt things in there, but bodies were not among them. At least, she hoped not.

First, she swept the Manor, room by room. Not a single being. The servants were off for the day, it was just her and the boys. Getting more and more worried, she burst put of the front door. Scurrying down the steps, she inspected the grounds. No intruders, the gardens were clean. Every blade of grass standing up straight. There was something amiss about that.

She walked on. Fowl Manor was located on the top of a hill. As such, the grounds extended quite a way downhill. She put her hands up to her mouth as she stifled a gasp, and put power on to her sprint.

Artemis was lying face up on the grass. Unconscious. Juliet was immediately at his side.

She checked for pulse. Still breathing. He had probably fainted again, judging by the disarrangement of the grass just over there.

Where was her brother? Frantically, she searched for any sign of the manservant. Finally, she located the Sig Sauer. He should not have been outside of ten feet from his charge

Getting closer, she realized that there was a gob of what looked like saliva on his face. Juliet winced. Not pretty.

She wiped it off with a handkerchief. She was a maid as well, after all. It was at that moment when she heard the gurgling.

She started. Keeping her body close to the ground, she looked around. It wasn't a murderous gurgling, she decided. Not an animal growling either. It was too… innocent?

Eyebrows knotted, Juliet crawled over Artemis.

Sitting on a small rock, pulling at each other's hair were two stark naked toddlers.

Artemis opened his eyes and looked around. He was decidedly feeling quite comfortable, aside from the fact that his head hurt like Ohm's soles. The last hour was slightly fuzzy to him, but he couldn't care less.

He stretched and looked over to his left. Juliet was sitting on her knees, cradling two beautiful looking children, one in each arm, and cooing at them softly. They were dressed now, in blankets. He smiled, putting his hands behind his head for support.

"Juliet, love," he said, "put on a cup of tea, would you? I think I've hit my head on something."

Juliet slowly turned her gaze on him. So the Fowl heir had a concussion. He had obviously suffered from some form of damage.

She was worried, anyway. She put Butler down and checked his forehead. "Are you feeling alright? What's my name?"

Artemis frowned. "Of course I am, I'm fine!"

Just then, another gob of sticky liquid dropped onto his face.

Juliet wrinkled her nose. "Naughty boy," she chided the baby while wiping it off again.

This served to bring Artemis back to the situation. "Oh no!" he breathed.

Juliet looked at him. Aha. She put Butler down next to Holly and proceeded to pin him onto the ground in one swift, smooth move. She lowered her face for effect.

"Glad to have you back," she snarled. "Where is my brother?"

Artemis knew not to mess with Butlers, especially when it came to family. But would Juliet be prepared for something like this?

He knew that this particular branch of the Butler family was especially close and possessive, since they had already lost half of their parents.

Joelle Butler. She would be missed forever.

He sneaked a look at the toddlers reluctantly; afraid of what he would see. In a moment, his suspicions were confirmed. The little Butler had picked up the gun and was currently falling asleep on the grass, one arm hugging the Sig Sauer, the other in his mouth.

"You don't want to know where Butler is, Juliet," he said. "Trust me."

She yanked him forward so that they were almost nose to nose. "Artemis, my brother trusted you," she said in a frighteningly quiet voice. "I trust you. But if you don't tell me where he is, that trust will be drawn very thin, for the both of us."

He looked at the sleeping child again, turning his head this time.

She followed his gaze.

"Look, I'd very much like to know they are too, but…" she trailed off. She was staring at Baby Butler, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Artemis," she said, sounding a little faint. "Is that a long lost cousin of mine, or, or something?"

"Er," said Artemis. He was really slipping into the bad English thing already. "In a way."

He took a deep breath. No time like the present, he told himself. "That's Butler."

Juliet's eyes widened. She whipped her head around, effectively slapping Artemis in the face with her long hair. Artemis winced, but kept quiet.

Artemis felt her grip weaken, and she released her grip, sending him thumping back onto the ground. He frowned.

"Hey," he said. "That's not very nice! You could at least remember that I was here, I told you where your brother was."

Muttering, he got up onto his elbows. Juliet had fainted.

"D'Arvit."

Sorry, I just really wanted to post this. So, what do you think so far? Thanks for taking the time r\to review my fic, means the world to me!

Possible plotline is that Foaly gets the thing working but limitedly so they grow up in a day or two but have to get through puberty and all that again. Teehee.

Or should they just remain babies? Think about this while you REVIEW!!!!!

Ps: love ya!