Title: Hmm….Farf Goes To The Hospital
Disclaimer: Yada yada yada…so on and so forth, dont own 'em, with I did
Warnings: Ken falling down some stairs, Youji getting beaten up…yaoi…maybe…I don't remember…I think some…
Summery: Farf got wounded in a fight between Schwarz and Weiss and was taken to the nearest hospitol. Unfortunitly, it was one completely run by nuns
The whole Schwarz group is standing inside the waiting room.
Nagi: (Tugging at Brad's shirt) Can we go see the babies?!?! Please?!?!
Schu: Can we go see the corpses.
Nagi: O.O YEAH YEAH!!
Brad: Silence viliage idiots…
On the other side of the hospital, waiting in another waiting room full of senior citizens sat the assasin group of Weiss.
Youji: Something smells funny?
Omi: (A look of terror on his face) Most of the men in here are wearing dippers!
Ken: (In a deep deep conversation with a 90 year old) *Sniff* And she just walked away from me…I…I never saw her again. I kept telling myself that she would come back but she never did…..
Old man: EH?!
Aya: (Speaking to the rest of the group) All we have to do is drop off these flowers (Held up some ugly looking dead things) and then we can leave.
Ken: (Crying) And then her other boyfriend, the one she was cheating with on me, actually CAME over our house, and…*sniff* Omi also had a friend over and it turns out that my ex-girlfriend's boyfriend's ex-girlfriend was now Omi's 'friend'.
Old man: (Holding his hand up to his ears) EHHH?!
Youji: (Whispering into Omi's ear, scared) That old woman over there is staring at meeee!
Omi: O.O I bet she has a dipper on too!!!
Ken: (Sob) And when my ex-girlfriend's boyfriend saw HIS ex-girlfriend and he fell back in love with her…and when my ex-girlfriend came over to figure out what happened to her boyfriend, she found him making out with his EX-girlfriend. And my ex-girlfriend thought it was a TRICK…that I MADE his ex-girlfriend come over and for her boyfriend to fall back in love with her…*sniff sniff* so now….now she (Clutches at the old man's drool bib) NOW SHE HATES ME EVEN MORE!!!
Old man: *Flatline*
Aya: (Tugging the sobbing Ken away from the old man) SHI-NE!! (and drags him to the stairs where Omi and Youji are starting to go down.)
Aya throws Ken up roughly, a little too rough, cause the next thing that happens is Ken is screaming his head off as he plummets down the white carpeted stars. He misses Youji and Omi by an inch and for the next 10 minutes the other 3 members stand still in horror as Ken continues to fall down the 20 floors.
Aya: (Starts to feel funny) o.O (Small light headed feeling) O.o (Shakes) O.O AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Youji and Omi: OH MY GOD…Aya laughed...the world is ending!!!
Schuldig is the first to walk into Farfarello's hospitol room, followed by Crawford, and then Nagi.
Farf: (Strapped to the bead) SCHU!!!! NUUUUNNNS!!!! (Starts kicking) NUUUUNNNNSSS!!! GOD IS IN HERE!!! I CAN FEEL HIM!!!! AHHHHH!!!!
Cute little nurse walks in: Why hello gentlemen, if you need anything just give me a call. (Walks out with a smile)
Schu: (Eyes pop and jaw drops. He calls out to her as she leaves the room) Can I get a side order of you…to GO!?! (Pant pant)
Nagi: (Walking over to Farfs side) Are you okay Farfie?
Farf: (Looks up with red rimmed eyes and then screams in Nagi's face) NUUUUUNS!!!
Nagi: (Steps away with his hair wipped back from the force of Farf's scream) Guys, I don't think he likes it very much in here.
Brad: Boo freaken Hoo…
The three members of Weiss finally get down to the floor that Ken stopped on. They find him facedown on the floor, not moving.
Omi: (terrified) is he dead?!?
Aya: God, I hope.
Omi: What are we going to do! He's dead?!
Youji: (Shrugs) Well I don't think know if this will help or anything…but we are in a hospitol.
Brad: (Riding around in the wheel chair, actually having fun) WEEEEEEE!
Nagi: BRAD!! My turn! You said after Schu I could go on!! BRAD!
Brad: Its Crawford!! (Trys to run Nagi over with the wheelchair.)
Farf: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUNS!!!! They're everywhere!!!
Schu: (Standing by the open door, pointing out every nun that walks by)
Schu: (Point) Nun.
Farf: (Screams in pain) AHHHHHH!
Schu: Nun.
Farf: AHHHHHHH!
Schu: Nun.
Farf: AHHHHHHHHH!
Schu: Nun.
Farf: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Schu: Aya…O.O (Double take)
Farf: AHHHHHHHHHH!
Brad: (Cornering Nagi in a corner about to run him over) WHAT?
Aya: SHI-NE!!! SCHWARZ!
Brad: (Leaps up from the wheelchair and straightens put his coat) What the hell are you doing here, Aya?!
Youji: (Looking at a really cute nun) o0o0o0o! Nun.
Farf: AHHHHHHHH!
Omi: (Walks in, tears in his eyes) Ken almost died.
Youji: Yeah he made this weird BOOONG sound when he hit the concrete.
Schu: Bong?
Nagi: (Smirk) Booooooooooooong.
Omi: (Smile) Boooooooooooooooooooooong.
Farf: AHHHHHHHHH…..BOOOOOOONG!
Aya: (Shaking his head) Yes, boooong.
Everyone looks at Brad.
Brad: (Fixing his tie) What? (Stare) What?! (Stare) Ok! BONG!
Just then Ken is wheeled in in a wheelchair, he looks almost like new.
Omi: KEN!
Ken: I'm alright! The nurse said that my skull broke my fall. (Smile)
Aya: o.O
Brad: Ahem. Who are those for? (Looking at the flowers)
Aya: Oh well…for that…white thing laying in the bed. (Throws the flowers on Farf)
Farf: STINKY FLOWERS!
Schu: Nun.
Farf: AHHHHHHHH!
Schu: Nun.
Farf: GAAAAA!
Omi: (Inching over to Nagi) Hi. (Innocent, blushes)
Nagi: (Sniffing) You smell like old people.
Schu: Nun.
Farf: AHHHHHHH!
Omi: (To Nagi) Soooo…what are you doing this weekend?
Nagi: (Blushes) hmm…I don't know (Bats his eyes) probably just assassinating a few people…not much…..(Blush) You?
Omi: Same…Do you like banana splits?
Nagi: (Smiles) Uh huh…
Brad: (Serious) Who sent you here Aya?
Aya: Persia…what's it to you?
Brad: Why the hell did he send you here?
Aya: To give him the stupid FLOWERS!
Brad: Why couldn't you buy nicer FLOWERS?!
Aya: Because I only had $2.50 in my pocket and I didn't have my ATM card!!!!!
Youji: Booooooooooooooooooooong.
Brad: (Shouting/waving his hands all over the place) You could have gone down to the ShopRite! They had a half dozen for $2!!
Aya: Well sooooory! I didn't want to be late! You know the visiting hours are really BAD these days!
Schu: Nun.
Farf: GAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Schu: (Mock surprise) Oh my gosh its GOD!
Farf: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Flatlines)
Brad: (Smacks Schu in the head) YOU STUPID…..STUPID….SILLY MAN!!
Omi: (Oblivious to anything around him other than Nagi) Soo…would you...um (Blush) want to….er….go down to the Dairy Queen and…..um……I mean…go down with me…and…
Omi: (Blushing like a little school girl) Uh huh….
Schu: (Nursing his wounds) Nurse!!!
Cute little nurse comes in: What? What's wrong? (Sees farf) OH MY GOODNESS!
Aya: (Rubbing his forehead)
Brad: (Rubbing his forehead)
Aya: (Looking around him) Where's Ken?!
Outside the hectic hospitol room, Ken is wheeling himself around, trying to get the hang of the Wheelchair Delux 2000. He doesn't even see the stairs.
Back inside the room-
Nurse: (Whiping the sweet from her brow) He's coming too…he'll be all right.
Suddenly the whole room hears the sound of metal falling down the flights of stairs.
Aya: SHI-NE!
Brad: Isnt that like….deja vous?
Youji: Booooooooooooong.
An hour later, Ken was in a hospital bed, all bandaged up from his little ordeal.
Youji: (tisk tisk) Poor stupid thing.
Omi: (Stealing glances at Nagi) At least we could get him in the same room with Farfarello.
Nagi: (Blushing between the glances) Yeah this room is pretty darn big, it can hold three times as much.
On 1 level below, Crawford and Schuldig were walking around. They had been asked to go get some food for the rest of the members. It didn't take long for Schu to find the elevator that led down to the kitchen.
Schu: (Stepping in with Brad in tow) Ok what floor was it?
Brad: 4th.
Schu: (Pressing forth.)
The elevator lurcked and started going down.
Schu: Elevators make me queasy.
Brad: (Looking at him sideways)
Schu: (Turning an odd shade of green) Its just that they move (Burp) and they sway and you don't know if they're going to just fall and kill (Burp) us both…
Brad: (Starts to sweet, pulling at his collar) Schu…shut up before I knock you out.
Schu: (Burp, turning a darker shade of green)
**Note: this would be perfect for the Manga version of Schu…his face could have matched his hair..heehee**
Brad: Schu?!
Schu: I-I just…(The elevator lurched and Schu fainted)
Brad: (Elevator shook again violently) Schuldig!? (Another shake)
Then everything stopped. Brad stood there, so close to fainting himself and thanked whatever higher Being there was that he wasn't dead.
Brad: (Picking up Schu and walking out of the elevator, looking around surprised) Where are we?
They were in the kitchen but there was no one there, not even a janitor. Everything was still eerily calm.
Brad: (Shaking Schu) SCHU!! Wake up! (Shake Shake….*Shake dun nun nun nun nun nun shake shake shake…shake your boooty shake your booty…eh sorry I couldn't resist*)
Brad: (A little freaked out that an oldie but goodie had just played in his fanfic) Uhh…Schu? (Slap SLAP)
Schu: WHAT?!
Brad: *SLAP*
Schu: BRAD! I'm awake!
Brad: *SLAP*
Schu: //I'M AWAKE!//
Brad cryed out and jerked back as his head started ringing after Schu had violently screamed in it.
Schu: (Standing up) Fool.
Brad: (Shaking his head) Ouch…(Looking around) Ok now where the hell are we.
Back up in Farf AND Ken's room, Youji started playing around with the wheelchair.
Nagi: OH COME ON!!! When is it MY turn! I want to ride it!
Omi: You can ride me. (Wink wink)
Nagi: O.O (Blush blush blush blush blush blush)
Ken: (x_x)
Brad and Schu walk around the cafeteria, for some reason they retraced their steps perfectly but still can't find the elevator again. Its like it just DISSAPEARED!
Schu: OMG!!!! it's the Hospitol Cafeteria of DEATH!
Brad: (Smacks him in the back of the head) Will you shut up!
Schu: I can't. Were going to DIE!!! I'm so beautiful!! I can't die!! (Starts sobbing in Brad's white business suit then stops) o0o0o Brad you smell nice (Wink Wink)
Brad: (To himself) don't strangle him…don't strange him…don't strange him…
They give up searching around the room and sit down in the middle of the cafeteria and sulk.
Schu: I was really hungrey too.
Brad: I don't care.
Schu: I'm waisting away.
Brad: No your not.
Schu: (O-O) What do you mean no I'm not!
Brad: I mean your not waisting away.
Schu: Are you saying I'm FAT?!
Brad: Um…No…(o.O)
Schu: You're the fat one! (Crosses arms in front of chest)
Brad: I'M NOT FAT!
Schu: (Pokes Brad's stomach) YOU ARE TOO!
Brad: I work you 7 days a week 2 hours each! You do NOTHING!
Schu: I have a fast metabolism, you fat head!
Brad: Why I never (Crossed arms and turns away) Hmph.
They sit there, both with their arms cross pouting.
Youji: WEEEE!
Nagi: GOD DAMN IT COME ON!! I want a try!!
Youji: (zooms past) WOOOHOOOO!
Nagi: MY TURN!
Youji: (Zooms past other way) HAHA!! WEEE!
Nagi: (Ears smoking) MYYYYY TUUUURRRRNNN! (Room shakes and everything gets dark for a second)
Youji: (Zooms by again and ignores the freaky room shaking. Sticks out his hand so he slaps Nagi when he wheels past)
Nagi! (Slap) HEY!
Youji: (U turn)
Nagi: (Slap) Hey watch it!!
Youji: (U-turn)
Nagi: (Slap) YOUJI!! (Uses his powers to pick Youji up and slam him into the wall)
Youji GAA! (Slam)
Nagi: Hehe!! My turn! (Skips to the wheelchair and gets into it, wheeling over Youji on the floor)
Youji: Guuu…Ow…
Nagi: (Runs over him again) Oops…sorry. (Again) Woops didn't see you…sorry (Evil Smirk, runs over him again) Oh my sorry Youji…
Youji: uuugggghhhh
Omi: O-O Um…Nagi.
Nagi: (Laughing evilly) YES!!??
Omi: I think Youji needs medical assistance…
Nagi: MWAHAHA!
Omi: (O.o sidesteps away to the door) Um..Nurse? NURSE!! Excuse me..NUN?!
Farf: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Youji: (Barely breathing in the messed up pile on the floor) Boo-oo-o---o--…ooo ugh…oooong.
20 minutes later downstairs in the mysterious cafeteria.
Brad: (Arms crossed) Humph.
Schu: (Arms crossed) Humph.
To escape the retardation of his other group members, Aya had snuck away to the gift shop. He had been waiting patiently in line for the last 10 minutes for a lady who was looking at a display for katana sharpeners. (Odd thing to sell at a hospital gift shop)
Aya: (Yells at poor old woman) BUY SOMETHING OR GET OUT!
Old lady jumps and faints.
Aya: (O.O) Oh crap! (Starts fanning lady) Miss?! Miss?! MISS?!
Nurse walking by: Oh my goodness what happened here!!
Aya: I- um…
Stupid little kid who saw the whole thing: (Points at Aya) He killed her. (Mom drags kid away)
Nurse: (Hands on hips) Security!!!
Three LARGE men come out and grab Aya dragging him away as he struggles.
40 minutes later downstairs.
Brad: (Quick glance at Schu) Hmph.
Schu: (Quick glance at Brad) Humph.
Back in the Hospital room, Youji is now in his own bed, badly shaken from Nagi's abuse.
Omi: That wasn't really nice. (Watching Nagi zoom by him on the wheelchair.)
Nagi: If I give you a ride will you keep it a secret?
Omi: (Shakes head) Yeah!! (Hops on.)
Seconds later Aya, in a straight jacket and harness is wheeled in.
Security Guard: Package for Weiss.
Nagi: (Stopping wheelchair in front of the doorway)
Omi: (Hopping off) Well take it…where do I sign?
Security Guard #2: Right here, sir.
Omi signs and Aya is wheeled into the room.
Aya: (Gagged) SHI-NE!
Security Guard #1: (On the way out to security guard #2) What did he say?
Security Guard #2: (Shrug) Shiny?
An hour later.
Brad: (Couple quick glances) Hmph.
Schu: (Sigh, more quick glances) Humph…
Omi: (On the back of the wheel chair) So Nagi…
Nagi: (Looking deep into Omi's large eyes) Yes…
Aya: (Rolls eyes and groans)
Omi: How about you give Big papa some sugar..
Nagi: (Giggle giggle)
Youji: B……oo…(Nagi uses his powers to throw a lamp at Youji) x_x
Hour and 20 minutes later:
Brad: (Sobbing into Schu's shoulder) And I had to go to a FAT camp! (Sob sob sob sob)
Schu: (Patting his back and stroking his hair) Shh…there there…
Brad: Everyone (sob) was so mean…cause I….(Sob) was (SOB) such a chunky little kid! (Sob sob)
Schu: Poor poor baby…(Stroke) Its alright now….Shhh….(Southing mothers voice)
Nagi and Omi: (Making out)
Aya: (Gagging into his gag) KILL ME NOW!!! I Don't want to see this!!! AHHHHH!!!!
Suddenly Nagi hic ups and it blasts Omi across the room.
Nagi: (Hic-Rooms shakes violently) Heh…woops…
Omi: (Groans and faints)
Nagi: No!! Lover don't faint!! We were just getting started…Damn YOU!! (Hic-lamps crash to the floor and the walls are dented by the force.)
Brad: (Still sobbing) And this kid…his name was Billy…(Sob) He STUFFED me into (Sob) a Basketball NET!!! And I couldn't get DOWN. (Cries into Schu's shirt.) JUST CAUSE I WAS FAT!!
Schu: (Bored, randomly patting Brad on the head) Yeah…that sucks….
Brad: SO…(Sob) I…KILLED HIM!
Schu: (o.O) oh (Scooting away) Um…Bradley…how about we try to find another place to get out…ne?
Brad: (Blows nose on Schu's shirt and sits up) *sniff* ok..
Schu: (looks down at all the snot) EW!! This is CASHMERE!!!
Brad: I didn't have a tissue…
Schu: (Grumble) CASHMERE!!
Brad: I'm sorry. *Sniff* (Straightens himself up and dusts himself off, taking charge) Ok lets find a way out.
They walk around again…and this time they found a dun waiter…(Is that how you spell it…) which was conveniently in good condition.
Schu: Why didn't we see this last time?
Brad: Cause the author likes to torture us. (Shakes fist at person behind the computer)
Author: Humph (Thinks up a roaring fire in the cafeteria and takes away all ways of escape….) Bwahaha!
Brad: DAMN YOU!!STUPID AUTHOR!!!
Author: (Splashes black ink on Brad's Armani Suit)
Brad: Oh my God!!!!!…(Faints)
Schu: GREAT! (starts to drag Crawford away from the fire) If only you kept your stupid, STUPID mouth shut BRAD!!
Schu grunted as he pulled Brad up to the window.
Schu: (Glancing out and seeing a pool right below the window) How convenient.
Nagi: (Sitting beside Omi on the white lined sheets.) Oh damn hic-ups (Hic-room shakes violently and the painting on the wall crash to the ground….*Hic* Old woman outside the closed door gets thrown down the hallway)
Suddenly the door burst open and a dripping wet Brad-dragging Schu enters.
Nagi: Wha?
Schu: What the hell happened in there?!?!?!
Nagi: It was (Hic- Schu is picked up and dropped painfully on the ground) DAMNIT!
Nurse comes in with tazor gun: (Aims at Nagi *Zap*)
The entire Weiss and Schwarz group growl and pout as the sun comes out the next morning. Each member is in their own bed inside the now cramped room.
Farf: (Waking up from a LOOONG nap) o0o0o0o!!! Company!!!
Aya: My nose ITCHES!!! (Nervously twitching)
Ken: Can't….move…..body….
Brad: (Sobbing in sleep) BILLY!!! NOOOO!!!! COACH MILLER HELP MEEEEEEEE!!!!
Omi: (Smiles) Nagi…Mmmm….Nagi oh yeah…..
Nagi: (o.O) Omi…Shhh!! (Whispering as loud as he could) Omi!! Shhhhhhhh!
Omi: Yeah baby….Mmmm….that's the way….uh huh uh huh I like it….uh huh uh huh…
Schu: Nagi when I am able to walk in 7 to 8 weeks I'm going to mess you up soooooooo badly……
Youji: (twitch twitch) Boooooooooooooooooooong….
THE END!!! (Wow that was a loud of horse excrement!!)