Warning: This fic contains slash, mild slash. Which means boy/boy kinda thing, mild or not. If you don't like it, the exit is to your left. Thank you. On the other hand, this is a PG-13 fic, so *heheh* no harm getting yourself into something new, right? (and I do hope I don't chase away a whole lot of potential slash fic writers)
Disclaimer: Of course the Harry Potter universe doesn't belong to me, I am... er... well, just playing with JK Rowling's characters.
*Ahem* THIS FIC WAS WRITTEN FOR MY 'SISTER' MIZUMI/SMILEY-MEI AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT. 12/2/2003 Yay! Happy Birthday! You get to be evil 13!!!! XD -_____- Actually I was planning this as a V-day fic :P Chriz: . I'm murdering the old plot of your Snape/Hermione, it's just not working! *cries*
Author's note: Hey, pleeeaaase don't flame! This is not my first fic, but it's the first time I've ever written a fic in POV! I was experimenting! And by the way, it's a purely Sirius/Remus seventh year fic. *Nyeeeeh* I know I made both of them crappy. I made everyone crappy. *cries loudly and pitifully* SORRY! watch my odd grammar, together with awful spelling... and scream.
*****
"Remus...?"
I searched the whole dormitory, and even under the beds, although the possibility of him being there was close to nothing. Sighing, I decided to use what would be a last resort. I slipped my hand underneath the mattress of James's bed, and pulled out the Marauder's Map.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." I said, tapping the parchment with my wand. The familiar greeting fanned across the surface and I waited patiently for the map to appear. I'd never liked using the map to look for my friends.
Strange? Actually we designed the map for recording any short cuts or secret passageways that we found, but because we also included the function of the map warning us of anyone close by, everytime I glanced at it, I felt slightly guilty. Like I was accidentally spying on people.
I scanned the map, searching for Remus. Lily and James were taking a walk in the grounds, Peter was in the library, Professor Dumbledore was in the bathroom right outside his study, the Ravenclaw Quidditch team were out practicing on the pitch. And Remus was by himself in the Shrieking Shack. In the middle of a warm Sunday afternoon.
"Mischief managed" I hurridly wiped the map and shoved it back where I'd gotten it from.
*****
I opened the door at the end of the tunnel and opened it quietly. Remus was curled up in a corner of the small room sleeping peacefully, his long fringe partially covering his eyes, his body moving slightly with each slow breath he took. I crept towards him.
It was very unusual for him to run off like that without telling any of us. Then, he suddenly looked up, startling me. He wasn't asleep. I walked over and felt his forehead. "Are you sick? How do you feel?" He brushed my hand away impatiently.
I looked down into his dark brown eyes, and they seemed to be conveying a message of hopelessness and sadness. "You know Sirius, I don't think I'll be able to survive in the wizarding world after we leave Hogwarts. I was just thinking..."
I felt like hugging him, and I did, feeling him flinch at my sudden friendly movement. It felt childish, and at the same time a little awkward, partially because of how his body warmth felt so different from the cool air in the room, and mostly because I wasn't a very expressive person when it came to showing emotions.
That new, young transfiguration teacher, Professor McGonagall, would laugh at me. Two days after she arrived and started teaching us, she dragged me aside after class and told me that I wasn't a very friendly person on the whole. A seventeen-year-old, almost an adult. Of course I wouldn't bother with changing myself. No one was complaining.
"You know how I feel, don't you Sirius? Next year you're going to have a job, experience true life in the wizarding world. And... I'll still be living off my parents. If people don't trust me because of what I am, no one will ever be able to accept me as I am."
"We trust you, Remus. Me, and James, and Peter." I desparately tried to force the fear out of his eyes. "We all accept you for what you are. We all like you for who you are." I tightened my arms around him, hoping that it would at least give him some comfort.
"But things change..." his voice grew softer, "And when friends grow accustomed to their own lives, they have as good as left you. I know I'll be left alone in the end. It's like a punishment for a crime I didn't commit. The happy times I spent with all of you should be enough to make up for that. "
"I won't leave you." a cliche-sounding promise. I felt like I was speaking to a little child. Comforting him with words that didn't have to be true as long as they served their purpose.
"I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I'm making my problems your problems. I'm being punished, and you shouldn't have to share my punishment. I have no future ahead of me. Just leave me alone, then. I really feel like beginning a new life of eternal suffering, with an all powerful slitting charm." He took out his wand.
"Don't." I demanded. I drew back and grabbed the hand holding the wand, afraid that he would try.
He relaxed the hand and released the wand. "You don't want me to." A statement, I noted. A statement and not a question.
"I don't", I confirmed.
"You see," he said, as if he had been trying to prove something to himself the whole time. "The reason I'm still here. Everytime I feel that depressed, I turn and there's always you behind me. You and that irresistable smile. It never fails to make my day."
He was making me feel sorry for him. From the first day the four of us met in the Hogwarts Express in our first year, we had been friends. And all thoughts of our future were always abandoned everytime we had our fun. Remus had postponed all his worries until now, and because I so happened to be here and listening to his pessimistic thoughts, I felt like I had never really been a true friend to him.
Even with James, we had always shared the things that were going on at home, and around us. The missing confessions and personal feelings usually slipped by unnoticed.
"My smile?" I asked, suddenly returning from my own thoughts.
He got up on his knees and leaned closer to me. "Not just your smile. You."
"I make you happy?"
"It isn't nice, Sirius. It isn't nice being so close and yet so far..."
I was beginning to get a hint of his meaning, and the feeling that perhaps his escape to this place was to lure me out... I desparately tried to reply, but nothing came.
"eep", I squeaked. His hand was in my hair, another hand on my face. And I never realised that I was flat on my back until I felt his lips on mine. A pleasant feeling which sent tingles down my spine and to my fingertips.
When he finally stopped, my mind just returned, and brought to my attention that I was feeling stunned. I was embarrassed at myself, a little, because a part of me was wondering 'is that all?!'
"You make my day." he said again, another statement.
"Well, I try." my sort-of conformation. "I'm still trying to clear my mind, you know. One of my closest friends just kissed me. I'm not a girl."
"No, you're a boy. Girl or boy, it doesn't matter. Sirius... I love you."
"Well... me too." It must have sounded sincere enough, because I knew I wasn't faking. It was one of those times, I guess, when your inner feelings take over for awhile. Anyway, he looked so delighted then, that I was honestly thinking he would break out in noisy, happy tears. "You silly..."
Deep down though, I knew all of those worries of his were true. But as long as we could find comfort in each other, worries shouldn't pose much of a problem.
"You know what day it is tomorrow?"
Nothing should go wrong, if you can manage to take everything that is thrown at you.
"I do." I could sense that he was feeling indignant. "It's Valentines Day."
Whatever they do to try and break you... they won't suceed.
"At least you're not being moody anymore. Then perhaps we can celebrate properly!"
"Since when have you celebrated Valentines Day?"
"From tomorrow! You silly..."
*****
Twelve years of separation before we were reunited. I tried not to let them break me, because now, although I can't say that I am free, I would just love to be back with him again, and give him another perfect Valentines Day.
*****
THE END :P
:P crappy fic. Waaaah!!! Hope you liked it, Smiley-mei!!!!
Now all you other readers... frickin' REVIEW won't ya?!
Disclaimer: Of course the Harry Potter universe doesn't belong to me, I am... er... well, just playing with JK Rowling's characters.
*Ahem* THIS FIC WAS WRITTEN FOR MY 'SISTER' MIZUMI/SMILEY-MEI AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT. 12/2/2003 Yay! Happy Birthday! You get to be evil 13!!!! XD -_____- Actually I was planning this as a V-day fic :P Chriz: . I'm murdering the old plot of your Snape/Hermione, it's just not working! *cries*
Author's note: Hey, pleeeaaase don't flame! This is not my first fic, but it's the first time I've ever written a fic in POV! I was experimenting! And by the way, it's a purely Sirius/Remus seventh year fic. *Nyeeeeh* I know I made both of them crappy. I made everyone crappy. *cries loudly and pitifully* SORRY! watch my odd grammar, together with awful spelling... and scream.
*****
"Remus...?"
I searched the whole dormitory, and even under the beds, although the possibility of him being there was close to nothing. Sighing, I decided to use what would be a last resort. I slipped my hand underneath the mattress of James's bed, and pulled out the Marauder's Map.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." I said, tapping the parchment with my wand. The familiar greeting fanned across the surface and I waited patiently for the map to appear. I'd never liked using the map to look for my friends.
Strange? Actually we designed the map for recording any short cuts or secret passageways that we found, but because we also included the function of the map warning us of anyone close by, everytime I glanced at it, I felt slightly guilty. Like I was accidentally spying on people.
I scanned the map, searching for Remus. Lily and James were taking a walk in the grounds, Peter was in the library, Professor Dumbledore was in the bathroom right outside his study, the Ravenclaw Quidditch team were out practicing on the pitch. And Remus was by himself in the Shrieking Shack. In the middle of a warm Sunday afternoon.
"Mischief managed" I hurridly wiped the map and shoved it back where I'd gotten it from.
*****
I opened the door at the end of the tunnel and opened it quietly. Remus was curled up in a corner of the small room sleeping peacefully, his long fringe partially covering his eyes, his body moving slightly with each slow breath he took. I crept towards him.
It was very unusual for him to run off like that without telling any of us. Then, he suddenly looked up, startling me. He wasn't asleep. I walked over and felt his forehead. "Are you sick? How do you feel?" He brushed my hand away impatiently.
I looked down into his dark brown eyes, and they seemed to be conveying a message of hopelessness and sadness. "You know Sirius, I don't think I'll be able to survive in the wizarding world after we leave Hogwarts. I was just thinking..."
I felt like hugging him, and I did, feeling him flinch at my sudden friendly movement. It felt childish, and at the same time a little awkward, partially because of how his body warmth felt so different from the cool air in the room, and mostly because I wasn't a very expressive person when it came to showing emotions.
That new, young transfiguration teacher, Professor McGonagall, would laugh at me. Two days after she arrived and started teaching us, she dragged me aside after class and told me that I wasn't a very friendly person on the whole. A seventeen-year-old, almost an adult. Of course I wouldn't bother with changing myself. No one was complaining.
"You know how I feel, don't you Sirius? Next year you're going to have a job, experience true life in the wizarding world. And... I'll still be living off my parents. If people don't trust me because of what I am, no one will ever be able to accept me as I am."
"We trust you, Remus. Me, and James, and Peter." I desparately tried to force the fear out of his eyes. "We all accept you for what you are. We all like you for who you are." I tightened my arms around him, hoping that it would at least give him some comfort.
"But things change..." his voice grew softer, "And when friends grow accustomed to their own lives, they have as good as left you. I know I'll be left alone in the end. It's like a punishment for a crime I didn't commit. The happy times I spent with all of you should be enough to make up for that. "
"I won't leave you." a cliche-sounding promise. I felt like I was speaking to a little child. Comforting him with words that didn't have to be true as long as they served their purpose.
"I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I'm making my problems your problems. I'm being punished, and you shouldn't have to share my punishment. I have no future ahead of me. Just leave me alone, then. I really feel like beginning a new life of eternal suffering, with an all powerful slitting charm." He took out his wand.
"Don't." I demanded. I drew back and grabbed the hand holding the wand, afraid that he would try.
He relaxed the hand and released the wand. "You don't want me to." A statement, I noted. A statement and not a question.
"I don't", I confirmed.
"You see," he said, as if he had been trying to prove something to himself the whole time. "The reason I'm still here. Everytime I feel that depressed, I turn and there's always you behind me. You and that irresistable smile. It never fails to make my day."
He was making me feel sorry for him. From the first day the four of us met in the Hogwarts Express in our first year, we had been friends. And all thoughts of our future were always abandoned everytime we had our fun. Remus had postponed all his worries until now, and because I so happened to be here and listening to his pessimistic thoughts, I felt like I had never really been a true friend to him.
Even with James, we had always shared the things that were going on at home, and around us. The missing confessions and personal feelings usually slipped by unnoticed.
"My smile?" I asked, suddenly returning from my own thoughts.
He got up on his knees and leaned closer to me. "Not just your smile. You."
"I make you happy?"
"It isn't nice, Sirius. It isn't nice being so close and yet so far..."
I was beginning to get a hint of his meaning, and the feeling that perhaps his escape to this place was to lure me out... I desparately tried to reply, but nothing came.
"eep", I squeaked. His hand was in my hair, another hand on my face. And I never realised that I was flat on my back until I felt his lips on mine. A pleasant feeling which sent tingles down my spine and to my fingertips.
When he finally stopped, my mind just returned, and brought to my attention that I was feeling stunned. I was embarrassed at myself, a little, because a part of me was wondering 'is that all?!'
"You make my day." he said again, another statement.
"Well, I try." my sort-of conformation. "I'm still trying to clear my mind, you know. One of my closest friends just kissed me. I'm not a girl."
"No, you're a boy. Girl or boy, it doesn't matter. Sirius... I love you."
"Well... me too." It must have sounded sincere enough, because I knew I wasn't faking. It was one of those times, I guess, when your inner feelings take over for awhile. Anyway, he looked so delighted then, that I was honestly thinking he would break out in noisy, happy tears. "You silly..."
Deep down though, I knew all of those worries of his were true. But as long as we could find comfort in each other, worries shouldn't pose much of a problem.
"You know what day it is tomorrow?"
Nothing should go wrong, if you can manage to take everything that is thrown at you.
"I do." I could sense that he was feeling indignant. "It's Valentines Day."
Whatever they do to try and break you... they won't suceed.
"At least you're not being moody anymore. Then perhaps we can celebrate properly!"
"Since when have you celebrated Valentines Day?"
"From tomorrow! You silly..."
*****
Twelve years of separation before we were reunited. I tried not to let them break me, because now, although I can't say that I am free, I would just love to be back with him again, and give him another perfect Valentines Day.
*****
THE END :P
:P crappy fic. Waaaah!!! Hope you liked it, Smiley-mei!!!!
Now all you other readers... frickin' REVIEW won't ya?!