A/N: Thank you to everyone who has emailed me asking about this story.
Unfortunately R/L has been kicking my ass lately. I'm trying to find the
time to write but it is easier said than done. On the upside here's a nice
long chapter for you guys. For reasons I can not even begin to imagine I
don't seem to be able to load a html version of this without it looking
seriously wonky, so in the doc version thoughts are in these .
Happy Birthday to my beta Trisha!! Thanks for…well every little thing you do. And thanks to Heller for making the words 'you are completely evil' a compliment. And Happy 4th Birthday to my youngest Meagan. She can't read this but I know it's here.
England August 2003
I took a walk around the world to
ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
in the sands of time
Buffy quietly eased the bathroom door shut and made her way slowly to the sink. Turning on the water she fumbled, with shaking hands, to unscrew the cap on a small pill bottle. She tossed a pill in her mouth and gathered her hair in one hand before lowering her face under the tap. The cold water poured over her tongue and she gulped greedily as it washed her little piece of sanity down. Standing up, she ran a hand through her now long- locks and splashed water over her sweaty face. Glancing in the mirror above the sink, she took note of the dark smudges under her eyes and the pasty texture to her skin. Disregarding the image as par for the course, Buffy sank down onto the closed toilet lid and pressed trembling fingers to her forehead.
"Buffy?"
Buffy's head shot up as a shrill, slightly squeaky voice invaded the bathroom from beyond the door.
"Buffy, dear, are you in there?"
"Yes Nelly. I'll be out in a minute."
"Well do hurry, luv, we still have a new shipment to shelve before closing."
Buffy relaxed slightly as the footsteps faded away. A short stab of guilt pierced her heart for the worry she heard tinged in the older woman's voice, Nelly was a sweetheart in every sense of the word. She had, in her own way, become a surrogate mother to Buffy. That is, if one would call a forty-five year old women with shockingly purple hair and a penchant for leather, mother. On Buffy's first day of work, Nelly had taken one look at the thin, pale girl, gathered Buffy in a huge bear hug, and informed her that everything was going to be okay now, that she was among friends. It took every ounce of self-respect Buffy had not to burst into tears and beg for adoption. That was Nelly though, she always knew the right thing to say but more importantly she knew when not to say anything. If it wasn't for her real purpose in the store, Buffy was positive she would have accepted one of the many offers Nelly had made to move in.
Buffy glanced around the spartan bathroom, tucked in the back of the magic store and sighed. When one dreams about 'going undercover', it's usually with cute little codenames and intrigue, all the cool stuff. Maybe even some hottie that just has to be the bad guy but you don't care because of his enigmatic personality and smoldering good looks.
Just one more scenario that shows reality is all too fond of bashing the dream upside the head with a mean looking crowbar…repeatedly.
'Unbelievable good fortune' were the councils words for her success in infiltrating the store, definitely not hers. Technically speaking, it wasn't 'exactly' her fault that she had been turned down at the more prestigious type stores, all ninety of them. She was the Slayer, not Research Girl. How was she supposed to know that skill was going to be required someday?
But it wasn't all that bad in retrospect. Not that she was even an inch closer to finding out who the witch killer was, the caliber of witches that consistently disappeared were not the sort to visit a magic store of such low standing. The shops biggest claim to fame was the ever prevalent, much reviled stock of frog eyes which Buffy, much to her embarrassment, was now an expert at weighing and cataloging. The place could barely boast two customers a day. Not exactly conductive to seeking out a vicious murderer and Buffy couldn't actually muster the energy to care. Let the Council search out their murderer, she still maintained her sacred duty, patrolling nightly, training with the council. Hell, she even subjected herself to research with Giles. But it was obvious, to those that looked, the drive and fire she used to put in the effort was severely lacking. The few moments of peace she was afforded were here in the shop, drinking afternoon tea with Nelly and watching the city pass by through a haze of grime that covered the windows
At the thought of Nelly and tea, Buffy stood and made her way out of the bathroom and into the tiny hallway beyond. Shrugging off a passing moment of dizziness, she headed down the hall towards the main room of the shop.
"Aaahh Miss Summers. Glad to see your shining face today."
As for that whole hottie aspect…
Buffy smiled at Mr. Burke, Nelly's husband and owner of the store. She supposed he could have been attractive, about forty years ago. At close to seventy, Mr. Burke resembled a small bird. He was slightly taller than Buffy, with mousy brown hair and a pale complexion that belied his years spent under a London fog. But the resemblance was really enforced by the way he seemed to flutter around a room, not pausing in one spot for more than a minute. She really didn't know what Nelly saw in her husband but it wasn't her place to judge.
Love is blind…or blindfolded.
Mr. Burke tucked Buffy's arm his and patted her hand. "It's tea time my dear and I believe Nelly made those little pastries you're so fond of."
At his conspiratorial wink, Buffy giggled. Resting her head on his shoulder, Buffy inhaled his spicy aftershave and allowed him to lead her into the shop.
Why can't all parts of my life be this simple.
I watched the world float to the dark
side of the moon
I feel there is nothing i can do, yeah
Buffy had come to love the little shop. The monotony of the job gave her the time and space she needed to breathe again. Well that and the pretty little pills her doctor had prescribed. Prozac was a god send. She had seriously considered petitioning the council to start every new slayer on them. Well until Giles had informed her, in no uncertain terms, that future Slayers were not going to be drugged with psychotropic pharmaceuticals. He'd even tried to hide her pills but Buffy was nothing if not resourceful and life before the pills was not a place she wanted to visit again. Even the nightmares had stopped, of course what they were replaced with was way more disturbing if you stopped to think about it. Which she didn't. She had found a peace of sorts, maybe it was more of an automatic pilot but she wasn't complaining. The only thing that scared her now was wondering when, if ever, the driver had to take control again. Either way you looked at it, she was content.
The bell above the shop door sounded and Buffy was startled from her daydreams. She stifled a groan as a glance at her watch informed her that three hours had passed and she had no idea where they had gone. Her little lapses were becoming more frequent and she briefly wondered if she should try to get a handle on them. All considerations were pushed aside as the source behind the bell approached her.
"Hi Giles," she chirped, brightly.
Refusing to acknowledge the forced cheerfulness of her greeting, Giles glanced pointedly at his watch and then at her.
Buffy groaned inwardly and tried to cover. "I know I'm late but we got busy…" she trailed off as Giles' gaze took in the empty store, save them and Nelly.
Taking off his glasses and rubbing at his temple in irritation. Giles strove to keep his voice even. "Buffy we are two hours late for our meeting. Really, at this point in your life you should be able to show a small measure of-"
She never caught the end of that sentence as Nelly suddenly appeared between them like a mother protecting her cub. "Oh Mr. Giles, how lovely to see you. I'm so terribly sorry for keeping Miss Summers but we had a rather large shipment of rare books arrive and I simply couldn't bear to deal with them alone."
Buffy scooted around the counter and grabbed Nelly's arm, smiling innocently up at Giles, with an 'I told you so' expression in her eyes.
An expression that Giles was not buying for a second. "The meeting has been postponed until later tonight, so we should have plenty of time to discuss your fascinating day. Rare books are something of a passion of mine and I would be delighted to learn the titles of some of those you encountered today, Buffy."
Buffy cringed and headed for the back store room for her purse. She could hear Giles inquiries about some old, dusty book. Buffy rolled her eyes, quickly deciding the 'nap excuse' was going to be coming up in her near future. It was just typical of him lately, he never listened to her. Not like Nelly did. He was all council this and council that. Just once she'd like to tell him to take his council and shove it. Stalking back into the room, she stomped over to him. "Kay I'm ready. Let's go."
"Here you are Mr. Giles." Nelly's voice behind her released some of the anger in her system but not much. Buffy glanced dismissively at the book Giles took and turned a genuine smile on Nelly. Leaning in, she brushed a small kiss on her cheek in thanks. "See you in the morning."
"Of course, dear. Have a lovely evening at your meeting."
Buffy moaned quietly in her head. There was nothing lovely about a meeting with the council. Following Giles out of the shop, she mentally counted the hours until she would be back in its warmth and safety.
Giles cast a side-long glance at Buffy as they headed out onto the busy street. Running a hand over his jacket, he patted the ledger he had lifted from the shop while Nelly had retrieved a book for him. He had a few short hours to prove his suspicions before the rescheduled meeting but if his hunch was correct, it was going to be eventful. He sighed inwardly as his mind played over the evidence he had discovered. If it panned out, Buffy's life was going to take yet another unfortunate turn. He almost hoped he was wrong…almost.
If I go crazy then will you still
call me Superman
Giles slowly placed the phone back on the receiver. It was amazing how much information could be attained if one knew where to look. Buffy waltzed into the kitchen and picked up her coat. "You ready?" she snapped bitchily.
Ignoring the tone, he simply nodded and opened the back door for her. He barely contained the cringe he always felt when he saw her wear 'that' coat. She only wore it now when she was going out to patrol or to do council business. He knew she did it to annoy the other members, as there was no mistaking William the Bloody's duster. He never mentioned it though. There was so little left of his Buffy that this one act of defiance gave him a sense of hope.
As least she's not sleeping in the damn thing anymore.
Locking the door behind him, Giles escorted Buffy to the car and then slid behind the wheel. For a while, when she first came back to the council, she had seemed to improve, but he knew now that it had all been a façade. Buffy, his Buffy, was hidden somewhere under layers of regret and guilt. For all intents and purposes, she functioned as any other person. She worked, patrolled, gossiped with Dawn, and even went out the odd night to socialize. But he lived with her and knew the truth. She rarely slept, he constantly had to remind her to eat and it was reaching the point that he had to tell her when to bathe.
Giles shook himself as the mansion that housed the headquarters of the Council came into view. A slow measure of guilt was creeping its way up into his throat and he swallowed hard to dispel it. He knew how much Buffy loved the shop and the people she worked for, that she had found peace and contentment there. He just hoped she wasn't going to despise him for ripping that safe haven to shreds.
Bringing the car to a halt, Giles got out and waited for Buffy to join him on the sidewalk. They crossed the imposing gates together and moments later were ushered into an elaborate office. They took seats in two of the five overstuffed chairs placed before the head of the councils desk, neither spoke as the prominent members arrived.
You call me strong, you call me weak,
but still your secrets i will keep
you took for granted all the times I
never let you down
Buffy glanced absently around the room, lost in a haze of her own making. Spying a dish of candy on the corner of the desk, she reached for one and accidentally bumped her arm against the woman seated closest to her. Buffy opened her mouth to apologize but snapped it shut when she saw the sniff of disgust on the woman's small, pinched face. Buffy grinned and ran her fingers over the lapels of her coat in a sexual manner as she settled back in the chair. The woman almost choked on her tongue and Buffy grinned wickedly.
Spike would be so proud.
Buffy shifted slightly in her seat and let her mind wander. There was little here to hold her interest, most times nothing did. Except her obsession with a certain member of the undead, that was a constant. She had read and reread all the journals, finally admitting that there were no answers in them. The life and times of one William Aldridge was not coming close to solving the ambiguities of one Spike, aka William the Bloody. William may have been where Spike started, but it was a far cry from where he ended up.
And thank god for that.
Buffy cringed a bit at the thought. For all her supposed convictions and seemingly concrete ideas of right and wrong, the fact of the matter was the man she had discovered in the books would have had a serious fight on his hands to attract her attention.
Unlike the way Spike consumed it.
She could also admit in some infinitesimal way that maybe, just maybe, Spike was better off with the way things had turned out. William was a dreamer. Spike was a realist, as much as he could be. The potential of William had manifested into the all-consuming passion of a being that reveled in life, not hid from it. But then that lead to the crux of the problem. If she couldn't love William, a kind sweet generous soul, much like Angel as a matter of fact, then how could she love Spike? Not that she did love Spike, it was just an obsession borne of loneliness and a loss of home. She knew this, had dissected and learned it with painstaking care. So why couldn't she just cut it loose now? Why did she keep going over it again and again? And more importantly, why was his grave the first place she went on the way to patrol and the last on the way home?
Buffy was pulled from her thoughts by something Giles was saying. Or rather, by a name he was saying. Sitting up in her chair, she centered her attention on her Watcher.
"Miss Madeleine Combs was a customer at the same butcher shop Mr. Burke frequents and Samantha Roberts visits the same physician as Nelly."
Buffy grabbed Giles' arm and dug her nails into his skin. "What are you saying," she whispered hoarsely.
" Buffy. " He began trying to release her fingers, and failing, just pressed his hand onto hers. " I've checked and double checked. Every last death is in some way connected to Nelly and Mr. Burke."
Buffy's eyes grew wild and desperation tinged her voice. "It's a coincidence Giles. It has to be. Just because they go to the same stores means nothing. You're wrong. You're wrong." She had no idea when she'd dropped to her knees in front of him but she was not moving until he told her this was all a mistake.
Giles gripped her arms and stared into her eyes, as if by sheer force of will he could convince her of the truth. "Buffy, please calm down. I'm not wrong. At the shop today I managed to obtain access to the last piece of the puzzle, a listing of receipts and transactions. I made some phone calls and discovered that the shop is most certainly not the Burkes main source of income."
A quiet stillness spread slowly through Buffy's system. "What do you mean?"
" In all of the deceased, we have discovered traces of a drug in the blood. After much research we have determined that it seems to enhance a witches natural abilities. It has proven very useful when one wants to cast a particularly difficult spell. The Council used it for a time but unfortunately the side effects are too intense. Most who take it become addicted immediately. We have been unable to determine if the addiction stems from the drug itself or from the power involved but most are willing to do anything to keep the high they achieve. The Burkes have amassed more than a small fortune selling it."
Buffy stood slowly, determination stiffening her spine. "That doesn't make them murderers. The drug killed those women. I'm sure if the Burkes were made aware of what it did they-"
"No Buffy, the drug didn't kill those women. It doesn't have that kind of effect. It may drive them insane, maybe even enough to take their own life but it does not crush them into a shell of their former selves. That was done by outside forces and the only link we have tying them all together is the Burkes. I'm deeply sorry Buffy. I know how much you've come to care for-"
She didn't register that she had slapped him until the stinging in her palm became noticeable. A brief moment of horror washed over her but it was quickly replaced with rage and tears. " They love me, Giles...Me. Not the Slayer. They don't expect me to go out and fight off the world for them. They just want me for me."
"Buffy, please, I-"
"No. This conversation is over. If you want to destroy the only people, other than my mother, who never asked me for a thing then you do it on your own. I'm done," Buffy let her gaze encompass the room before settling on her watchers eyes, "with all of you."
With that Buffy pulled her dignity together, turned on her heel and walked away.
I watched the world float to the
dark side of the moon
after all I knew it had to be something
to do with you
Buffy's bravado lasted exactly five seconds after the door shut behind her. Then she ran. She ran from the council, she ran from Giles and mostly she ran from herself. When her lungs finally gave out, she dropped to her knees and sat in the street as tears coursed over her face. She'd had enough, she just, quite simply, couldn't take anymore. Every where she turned there was a betrayal waiting to happen and she was so sick of it. Each time she had let someone into her exceedingly fragile heart they were stolen from her. Either ripped apart because of her destiny or she just didn't hold on tight enough and they slipped off of their own accord.
Buffy threw her head back and screamed. She screamed for Willow and Xander, for Tara and her Mom, for Angel and Riley and she even screamed for Spike, him maybe the loudest of all. Then she cried for the countless others that barely registered in her memories but were a part of her failure none the less. Lying in the middle of an alley curled around herself Buffy quietly, with whimpers and whines, let all the pain eat away at her until there was just an empty shell of the Slayer the world once knew. Buffy Summers had finally found true rock bottom.
It could have been hours later but more likely only minutes, Buffy felt a hand on her shoulder. Blinking open her swollen bloodshot eyes she caught a flash of purple and sighed in relief.
"Buffy?…Child, what are doing out here? What's wrong?"
Buffy stumbled to her feet and launched herself into Nelly's arms. Her sobs raised in volume again and Buffy let herself be led into the shop she hadn't realized she'd run to.
if I'm alive and well, will you be
there holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with
my superhuman might
kryptonite
Buffy drank the last drops of tea from her cup and set it gingerly on the table. She fumbled with the cuff of her coat, unwilling to make direct eye contact with the two seated across from her. This was her last stop, the last chance to see if she was truly loved. The silence was unbearable. She had told the Burke's everything. And she meant everything, from the moment she was called to the minutes before Nelly found her. Exactly why she had done it was a mystery. She'd had no intention of unburdening herself when Nelly had led her to the apartment above the shop. But once she was seated in their living room with a cup of tea in her hand and one of Nelly's handmade throws across her legs she had found she couldn't stop.
For their part, Nelly had done a lot of sympathetic tongue clucking and Mr. Burke had kept squeezing her hand, urging her to continue. They hadn't even seemed mad when she informed them that the council believed they were murderers. In fact they hadn't seemed shocked by any of it. Buffy guessed it was because they had been surrounded by magic all their life.
Buffy's attention was drawn to a movement off to her right and raised her eyes to meet Nelly's, who had come to sit beside her. "Everything will be okay, Buffy. You have us now and we will take care of you."
Buffy sighed and went willingly into the arms held out for her. She was safe here, she was at peace and for the first time in a long time she was happy. Nelly had begun stroking her hair and the motion was making her drowsy.
So tired
"Ssshhh child, sleep."
Buffy nodded slightly and closed her eyes. Within moments she was asleep. She never heard Giles arrive.
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if
not for me then you would be dead
Buffy watched the people pass beyond the window of the store. It had been two weeks since her flight from the council and she had yet to leave the shop. She hadn't called Giles or even Dawn, which should have struck her as unusual but she couldn't muster the energy to concern herself. They hadn't bothered to call her either. She was in an almost perpetual haze and had no desire to shake it. Her days had lapsed into tea and sleep with the odd bout of lucidity when she made her way downstairs to work in the shop. The Burkes let her be, even encouraged her self imposed resting period.
"Miss? Miss?"
Buffy dragged her attention away form the window to stare blankly at the woman in front of her.
"Miss, do you have anymore of these?"
Buffy looked absently at the handful of casting stones in the woman's hand. "I think there is more downstairs." Buffy marveled at her own voice. It sounded so calm, a little slurred, but calm none the less. Coming here was definitely the right decision.
Buffy was brought back to the present by the woman's impatient throat clearing. Jumping slightly, her brain scrambled to catch up with the conversation. "I…I'll just go get them."
The woman nodded and Buffy glanced around for Nelly. She hated to go downstairs, it was nothing more than a cellar really and every time she went visions of that time with the mummy hand crept up. Sighing when she couldn't locate Nelly, Buffy headed for the cellar door.
It took her close to ten minutes to find the stones as she kept forgetting what she was there for.
Maybe I should buy some post-it notes or something…Or just quit coming down to work.
Deciding the latter sounded more promising, Buffy headed for the stairs only to be stopped by a slight thumping noise behind one of the shelves that lined the room. Her first instinct was that a rat had gotten into the walls, but as the thumping grew louder and more pronounced Buffy began to pick out a rhythm in the sound. Slowly putting down the box she was carrying, Buffy moved towards the shelving and after a few minutes of grunting and pulling, she managed to push it aside. She was momentarily distracted by the realization that her Slayer strength had seemingly evaporated, but the thumping garnered her attention again and she placed a hand on the wall.
Buffy fought hard at the fog in her brain. Even the simplest of thought processes were becoming increasingly difficult these days but there was something important here, something she needed to remember. Pressing her ear against the wall, she screwed her eyes shut and concentrated.
Three short thumps, three long ones, three short ones. Then a pause and then the same pattern, over and over.
Buffy's eyes widened as, finally, an old memory asserted itself. The taps were code, or more specifically, SOS. Buffy stumbled back from the wall in horror. Searching the room frantically for something to penetrate the barrier, she finally settled on ripping a loose pipe from the ceiling. With what was left of her strength, Buffy crashed the pipe into the wall, satisfied when it produced a small dent. Rolling her shoulders, Buffy went to work.
It took close to an hour but she finally managed to make a small hole in the thick plaster. Ripping at it with her fingers, Buffy stuck her arm in the opening and shrieked when it was seized in a claw-like grasp. Scrambling back, she pulled her arm free of the wall but couldn't shake the grip and she stared numbly at the fingers wrapped around her wrist. The room suddenly became very dark and Buffy fought against the encroaching dizziness even as she landed on her back on the floor. Seconds later, she was on her feet attacking the wall in with her fists. The fingers had been wearing Giles' ring.
Buffy choked hard on the scream that welled in her throat when she finally managed to pull him free. He looked emaciated, a mere shell of the man she had seen two weeks previous. His body was covered in wounds from more than one beating and he was nearly starved to death. She had no idea how he'd managed to survive, much less be coherent enough to alert her to his presence. Dropping to the floor, she pulled him onto her lap and rocked slightly as her tears splashed on his face.
"Buffy…" The sound was barley above a whisper.
"I'm here Giles. I'm here. You're okay now. How long were you in there?"
" F…Four…days."
"Oh God Giles. You're going to be okay. I'll get you help. I'll go get Nelly and-"
The grip on Buffy's hand tightened painfully and Buffy stared, surprised at the strength, into his eyes. "What is it?"
"They…they did this…put me in…"
Buffy shook her head in denial.
"Buffy…please…"
Buffy stared at the wall and then back at the man half-dead on her lap. Closing her eyes, she fought the overwhelming urge to run back to her safe, idyllic life. It would be so easy. Too easy. Her eyes opened with a snap and she carefully began to lift Giles. "We'll get you home and then we can figure out what needs to be done."
"Well, this is unfortunate."
Buffy froze at the voice drifting down from the top of stairs. She watched in horror as the voice became a body and she was face to face with Mr. Burke. "Just give him to me, dear, and you can go back to your room where everything is safe."
Buffy shook her head slightly, a strangled, "No," falling from her lips.
Mr. Burke smiled and clucked his tongue. "Buffy, it's the only way for you to be happy. You are happy, aren't you?"
Buffy stared into his warm brown eyes and swayed slightly on her feet. It would be so easy.
Buffy! Wake the fuck up!!
Buffy jumped at the voice in her head. The voice wasn't such an issue, it was more to do with the fact that it wasn't hers. But whoever had invaded her mind was right. No matter how many times she ran away from her calling, it was always there, along with the man in her arms. Tightening her grip on Giles, she started to push past Mr. Burke.
"I'm sorry you feel that way, Buffy, but I can't have you two off buggering up my plans."
Buffy flinched as the upper door slammed shut and a red glow filled the room. Easing Giles down on the step, she turned to face Mr. Burke, and was in no way prepared for what she saw.
She stared in horrified fascination as Mr. Burkes features began to change into that of a much younger man. In moments the seventy some odd year man had been replaced with one closer to her own age. Buffy blinked.
"Yes, it is rather disconcerting at first. I was going to show you eventually but I guess that's just a fanciful dream now."
"You…you're…," Buffy stumbled through her mind for an appropriate description and blathered out the first thing to come to mind, " cute…"
"Mmm, " he nodded in agreement, " I had such plans for you Buffy, but now you've gone and ruined them. I must say I'm quite disappointed."
"Plans?" Buffy narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What plans?"
He crossed the small space between then and ran a finger down the side of her face. "You know, I could have made you forget all about that vampire. Pity."
Buffy shoved his hand off and stepped back. Turning around, she stooped to lift Giles. "We're leaving."
A wave of energy hit her in the back and sent her sprawling on the floor face first. It was a struggle but she managed to find her feet and launched herself at Mr. Burke, only to be caught immediately against his chest in a punishing grip. "Haven't you figured it out yet, little girl?"
"What, you sick prick," she spit.
"You know for a Slayer you're really quite stupid."
Buffy stared at him for a moment before the pieces fell into place. "You drugged me!"
"Of course, how else could we control you."
Buffy flailed helplessly in is arms for awhile until she finally had to give in to the drugs coursing through her body. She had to accept it, for now she was helpless. "What are you going to do?"
Buffy shivered as his now green eyes shifted passed her and came to rest on Giles. "Finish what I started"
I picked you up and put you back
on solid ground
Buffy shook quietly in Giles' arms. There wasn't much space behind the wall but she didn't need a lot. As it was she lay curled in his lap. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She'd began her litany the minute the wall was sealed and two hours later she was still going strong.
"Please Buffy, do shut up. I prefer not to die with a headache on top of everything else."
Buffy's reply was cut off by a loud bang on the other side of the wall. Seconds later the wall was gone and Nelly leaned heavily against the opening before slipping to the floor. Buffy helped Giles out and then turned her considerable anger on the woman she had trusted. All arguments faded in the wake of the woman's appearance.
She's worse off than Giles.
Nelly was covered in cuts and large welts. Her eyes were almost swollen shut and her clothes were ripped and hung in tatters around her. It almost seemed like her body was collapsing in on itself. Buffy leaned down beside her and lifted her chin.
"Nelly?" she whispered
Nelly took her hand and placed a small kiss in the palm. "It's okay, child."
Buffy was torn between her desire for revenge and her love for a friend. Moments passed before she made her decision. "We need to get you to a hospital."
Nelly laughed slightly but the sound came out as more of a gasp. "No hospital can help me. He's taken almost everything I have. What was left I used to open the wall."
More pieces of the puzzle clicked into place in Buffy's mind as slow tears dripped from her chin. "You're a witch. You've been taking the drug."
Nelly nodded slightly and gripped Buffy's hand. "Yes, I helped him. Don't cry for me, child, I have done my share of evil in this world."
"Did you…did you kill…"
"No, but I didn't stop him either. He waits until they are so far gone they will do anything to get a boost and then he takes their power, sucks the life force out of them. "
"But why?"
"Power. He needs the power."
"For what."
"I don't know."
"Then why did he take yours? He needs you, you were helping him."
"I couldn't let him hurt you. You're so pure, so sweet, my little Buffy. I couldn't let him take that away."
Buffy gathered the woman in her arms, and held her as her last chance for a mother slipped quietly away. "Where is he?" There was no mistaking the cold, calculating tone in her voice.
Nelly pulled Buffy's chin down until she was forced to look in the woman's eyes. "Leave it be, Buffy. If you follow him it will only end in death, probably yours."
"Where did he go?"
"I'm not sure. He said it was time to finish what he started."
Nelly's breathing started to deteriorate into small gasps and Buffy shook her slightly. "Nelly don't die. Please don't die."
"It's just my turn, luv, it's just my turn. Buffy, listen to me. You need to quit taking the pills. They're killing you."
Buffy started in confusion. "They're just anti depressants."
"No, luv, they're not."
Buffy sat in silence as the woman slipped away in her arms.
Lowering Nelly's lifeless body to the ground, Buffy crawled over to Giles.
"I'm going to find him Giles. Will you help."
Giles raised a shaky hand and cupped her cheek.
"There's my Slayer."
I really don't mind what happens now and then
as long as you'll my friend at the end
Buffy dropped to her stomach in the dirt. Reaching over the edge of the cliff, she peered blindly into the darkness, her breath coming in heavy gasps.
"Xander! Xander grab my hand! Oh god please! Xander!
Buffy blinked as her dream shifted and she found herself sitting in a graveyard. Swinging her head around, she encountered a familiar tombstone and her brows drew together in puzzlement.
"What am I doing here?"
"I figured it was time to throw a little variety into your dreams."
Buffy's head shot up and her mouth dropped as the figure behind the voice approached.
"Willow?"
"Hey Buffy."
Buffy did nothing for a full minute but stare and then she grabbed the girl and held on for dear life. The two women clung to each other for long minutes before Willow finally pulled away to stare into Buffy's face.
"I miss you."
"I miss you too," Buffy choked out. " I miss you so much."
"Buffy, I need you to listen to me. You can't keep going the way you have been. "
"I know Will, I'm getting better. I stopped taking the pills. The withdrawal has been a major bitch but I'm dealing."
"I know Buffy. That's great, you're doing great, but I mean inside. You're so shut down. You need to open up your heart again. You need to feel again."
"But it hurts." The sentence came out caught between a whine and a whimper.
"It's supposed to. You hurt and then you heal and then you move on to the next time."
"But why, I don't understand, why would I want to do that again?"
Buffy stared at the beautiful pure smile that erupted on her friends face. "Because of all the joy in between."
"Can't I just stay here with you."
Willow's laugh, the one Buffy had loved for six years, bubbled forth and bathed her in its essence. "No more hiding, Buff. It's your time to live. Really live and really love."
Buffy arched a skeptical eyebrow. "Love is a highly over-rated emotion."
"But sometimes it's all you've got."
Buffy glanced around as the place Willow had sat was suddenly empty. "Willow," she whispered quietly. Her gaze frantically shooting around the quiet graveyard. "Willow!" she screamed.
"Willow!"
Buffy shot straight up in her seat as the car came to stop. Her driver made a slight throat clearing sound and Buffy blushed. This associate of the council probably thought she was nuts. Buffy rolled her head on her shoulders and tried to clear the dream fog from her mind.
It had taken longer than expected to track down Mr. Burke. Eventually the council had traced him to a city in the states by the strew of bodies he'd left in his wake. It had been another six weeks before Buffy was fit to travel. The detox had been difficult but Giles and Dawn had rarely left her side.
Difficult…it had been hell of mammoth proportions.
Buffy shuddered slightly at the painful memories. They had discovered she had been taking the same drug as the witches. Nelly had been replacing her pills. Buffy skittered her mind away from thoughts of Nelly's betrayal. She wanted to remember the love of the woman, not the pain.
The car door opened and Buffy took the hand that appeared in front of her. She was home. Or at least on home soil. This wasn't Sunnydale and Buffy thanked the powers for that. No force in heaven or hell was getting her back there anytime soon. Buffy stared up in awe at the huge house before her.
"You live here?"
Her companion nodded and Buffy raised a brow "Alone?"
Buffy decided that she had probably misinterpreted the fleeting look of guilt that crossed his features. "Not exactly alone. I have…roommates."
Buffy nodded to herself. With a house this big she supposed he needed help keeping up the bills and such. She wondered idly if the Council was paying him to let her stay here. Buffy followed him up the steps and into the foyer of the house.
"Your room is up those steps and to the right, " he said, gesturing with his hand, "The bathroom is the third door on the left."
Buffy grinned. Those were the most words she'd heard him say since he picked her up at the airport an hour ago. "Do you mind if I take a quick nap before we dive into all the council stuff? Jet lag is not my friend."
His response was cut off as a female voice drifted in from a room off to their right. "Toad?"
Buffy raised a brow and pressed her lips together to conceal a smirk. "Toad?"
He blushed slightly and took a sudden and consuming interest in his feet. "It's a nickname," he shrugged.
She smiled and put a comforting hand on his arm. He grinned at the gesture back and motioned towards the sound of the voice. "Do you want to meet some of my roommates?"
Buffy nodded and slipped her arm through his. She really just wanted a shower, a bed and twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep. In that order. But she supposed two seconds to make nice wasn't going to kill her. As two sets of footsteps made their way closer, Buffy and Toad turned to greet them.
TBC…
(I'd like to say I'm sorry for leaving it there but what would a story be without a few cliffhangers…)
Happy Birthday to my beta Trisha!! Thanks for…well every little thing you do. And thanks to Heller for making the words 'you are completely evil' a compliment. And Happy 4th Birthday to my youngest Meagan. She can't read this but I know it's here.
England August 2003
I took a walk around the world to
ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
in the sands of time
Buffy quietly eased the bathroom door shut and made her way slowly to the sink. Turning on the water she fumbled, with shaking hands, to unscrew the cap on a small pill bottle. She tossed a pill in her mouth and gathered her hair in one hand before lowering her face under the tap. The cold water poured over her tongue and she gulped greedily as it washed her little piece of sanity down. Standing up, she ran a hand through her now long- locks and splashed water over her sweaty face. Glancing in the mirror above the sink, she took note of the dark smudges under her eyes and the pasty texture to her skin. Disregarding the image as par for the course, Buffy sank down onto the closed toilet lid and pressed trembling fingers to her forehead.
"Buffy?"
Buffy's head shot up as a shrill, slightly squeaky voice invaded the bathroom from beyond the door.
"Buffy, dear, are you in there?"
"Yes Nelly. I'll be out in a minute."
"Well do hurry, luv, we still have a new shipment to shelve before closing."
Buffy relaxed slightly as the footsteps faded away. A short stab of guilt pierced her heart for the worry she heard tinged in the older woman's voice, Nelly was a sweetheart in every sense of the word. She had, in her own way, become a surrogate mother to Buffy. That is, if one would call a forty-five year old women with shockingly purple hair and a penchant for leather, mother. On Buffy's first day of work, Nelly had taken one look at the thin, pale girl, gathered Buffy in a huge bear hug, and informed her that everything was going to be okay now, that she was among friends. It took every ounce of self-respect Buffy had not to burst into tears and beg for adoption. That was Nelly though, she always knew the right thing to say but more importantly she knew when not to say anything. If it wasn't for her real purpose in the store, Buffy was positive she would have accepted one of the many offers Nelly had made to move in.
Buffy glanced around the spartan bathroom, tucked in the back of the magic store and sighed. When one dreams about 'going undercover', it's usually with cute little codenames and intrigue, all the cool stuff. Maybe even some hottie that just has to be the bad guy but you don't care because of his enigmatic personality and smoldering good looks.
Just one more scenario that shows reality is all too fond of bashing the dream upside the head with a mean looking crowbar…repeatedly.
'Unbelievable good fortune' were the councils words for her success in infiltrating the store, definitely not hers. Technically speaking, it wasn't 'exactly' her fault that she had been turned down at the more prestigious type stores, all ninety of them. She was the Slayer, not Research Girl. How was she supposed to know that skill was going to be required someday?
But it wasn't all that bad in retrospect. Not that she was even an inch closer to finding out who the witch killer was, the caliber of witches that consistently disappeared were not the sort to visit a magic store of such low standing. The shops biggest claim to fame was the ever prevalent, much reviled stock of frog eyes which Buffy, much to her embarrassment, was now an expert at weighing and cataloging. The place could barely boast two customers a day. Not exactly conductive to seeking out a vicious murderer and Buffy couldn't actually muster the energy to care. Let the Council search out their murderer, she still maintained her sacred duty, patrolling nightly, training with the council. Hell, she even subjected herself to research with Giles. But it was obvious, to those that looked, the drive and fire she used to put in the effort was severely lacking. The few moments of peace she was afforded were here in the shop, drinking afternoon tea with Nelly and watching the city pass by through a haze of grime that covered the windows
At the thought of Nelly and tea, Buffy stood and made her way out of the bathroom and into the tiny hallway beyond. Shrugging off a passing moment of dizziness, she headed down the hall towards the main room of the shop.
"Aaahh Miss Summers. Glad to see your shining face today."
As for that whole hottie aspect…
Buffy smiled at Mr. Burke, Nelly's husband and owner of the store. She supposed he could have been attractive, about forty years ago. At close to seventy, Mr. Burke resembled a small bird. He was slightly taller than Buffy, with mousy brown hair and a pale complexion that belied his years spent under a London fog. But the resemblance was really enforced by the way he seemed to flutter around a room, not pausing in one spot for more than a minute. She really didn't know what Nelly saw in her husband but it wasn't her place to judge.
Love is blind…or blindfolded.
Mr. Burke tucked Buffy's arm his and patted her hand. "It's tea time my dear and I believe Nelly made those little pastries you're so fond of."
At his conspiratorial wink, Buffy giggled. Resting her head on his shoulder, Buffy inhaled his spicy aftershave and allowed him to lead her into the shop.
Why can't all parts of my life be this simple.
I watched the world float to the dark
side of the moon
I feel there is nothing i can do, yeah
Buffy had come to love the little shop. The monotony of the job gave her the time and space she needed to breathe again. Well that and the pretty little pills her doctor had prescribed. Prozac was a god send. She had seriously considered petitioning the council to start every new slayer on them. Well until Giles had informed her, in no uncertain terms, that future Slayers were not going to be drugged with psychotropic pharmaceuticals. He'd even tried to hide her pills but Buffy was nothing if not resourceful and life before the pills was not a place she wanted to visit again. Even the nightmares had stopped, of course what they were replaced with was way more disturbing if you stopped to think about it. Which she didn't. She had found a peace of sorts, maybe it was more of an automatic pilot but she wasn't complaining. The only thing that scared her now was wondering when, if ever, the driver had to take control again. Either way you looked at it, she was content.
The bell above the shop door sounded and Buffy was startled from her daydreams. She stifled a groan as a glance at her watch informed her that three hours had passed and she had no idea where they had gone. Her little lapses were becoming more frequent and she briefly wondered if she should try to get a handle on them. All considerations were pushed aside as the source behind the bell approached her.
"Hi Giles," she chirped, brightly.
Refusing to acknowledge the forced cheerfulness of her greeting, Giles glanced pointedly at his watch and then at her.
Buffy groaned inwardly and tried to cover. "I know I'm late but we got busy…" she trailed off as Giles' gaze took in the empty store, save them and Nelly.
Taking off his glasses and rubbing at his temple in irritation. Giles strove to keep his voice even. "Buffy we are two hours late for our meeting. Really, at this point in your life you should be able to show a small measure of-"
She never caught the end of that sentence as Nelly suddenly appeared between them like a mother protecting her cub. "Oh Mr. Giles, how lovely to see you. I'm so terribly sorry for keeping Miss Summers but we had a rather large shipment of rare books arrive and I simply couldn't bear to deal with them alone."
Buffy scooted around the counter and grabbed Nelly's arm, smiling innocently up at Giles, with an 'I told you so' expression in her eyes.
An expression that Giles was not buying for a second. "The meeting has been postponed until later tonight, so we should have plenty of time to discuss your fascinating day. Rare books are something of a passion of mine and I would be delighted to learn the titles of some of those you encountered today, Buffy."
Buffy cringed and headed for the back store room for her purse. She could hear Giles inquiries about some old, dusty book. Buffy rolled her eyes, quickly deciding the 'nap excuse' was going to be coming up in her near future. It was just typical of him lately, he never listened to her. Not like Nelly did. He was all council this and council that. Just once she'd like to tell him to take his council and shove it. Stalking back into the room, she stomped over to him. "Kay I'm ready. Let's go."
"Here you are Mr. Giles." Nelly's voice behind her released some of the anger in her system but not much. Buffy glanced dismissively at the book Giles took and turned a genuine smile on Nelly. Leaning in, she brushed a small kiss on her cheek in thanks. "See you in the morning."
"Of course, dear. Have a lovely evening at your meeting."
Buffy moaned quietly in her head. There was nothing lovely about a meeting with the council. Following Giles out of the shop, she mentally counted the hours until she would be back in its warmth and safety.
Giles cast a side-long glance at Buffy as they headed out onto the busy street. Running a hand over his jacket, he patted the ledger he had lifted from the shop while Nelly had retrieved a book for him. He had a few short hours to prove his suspicions before the rescheduled meeting but if his hunch was correct, it was going to be eventful. He sighed inwardly as his mind played over the evidence he had discovered. If it panned out, Buffy's life was going to take yet another unfortunate turn. He almost hoped he was wrong…almost.
If I go crazy then will you still
call me Superman
Giles slowly placed the phone back on the receiver. It was amazing how much information could be attained if one knew where to look. Buffy waltzed into the kitchen and picked up her coat. "You ready?" she snapped bitchily.
Ignoring the tone, he simply nodded and opened the back door for her. He barely contained the cringe he always felt when he saw her wear 'that' coat. She only wore it now when she was going out to patrol or to do council business. He knew she did it to annoy the other members, as there was no mistaking William the Bloody's duster. He never mentioned it though. There was so little left of his Buffy that this one act of defiance gave him a sense of hope.
As least she's not sleeping in the damn thing anymore.
Locking the door behind him, Giles escorted Buffy to the car and then slid behind the wheel. For a while, when she first came back to the council, she had seemed to improve, but he knew now that it had all been a façade. Buffy, his Buffy, was hidden somewhere under layers of regret and guilt. For all intents and purposes, she functioned as any other person. She worked, patrolled, gossiped with Dawn, and even went out the odd night to socialize. But he lived with her and knew the truth. She rarely slept, he constantly had to remind her to eat and it was reaching the point that he had to tell her when to bathe.
Giles shook himself as the mansion that housed the headquarters of the Council came into view. A slow measure of guilt was creeping its way up into his throat and he swallowed hard to dispel it. He knew how much Buffy loved the shop and the people she worked for, that she had found peace and contentment there. He just hoped she wasn't going to despise him for ripping that safe haven to shreds.
Bringing the car to a halt, Giles got out and waited for Buffy to join him on the sidewalk. They crossed the imposing gates together and moments later were ushered into an elaborate office. They took seats in two of the five overstuffed chairs placed before the head of the councils desk, neither spoke as the prominent members arrived.
You call me strong, you call me weak,
but still your secrets i will keep
you took for granted all the times I
never let you down
Buffy glanced absently around the room, lost in a haze of her own making. Spying a dish of candy on the corner of the desk, she reached for one and accidentally bumped her arm against the woman seated closest to her. Buffy opened her mouth to apologize but snapped it shut when she saw the sniff of disgust on the woman's small, pinched face. Buffy grinned and ran her fingers over the lapels of her coat in a sexual manner as she settled back in the chair. The woman almost choked on her tongue and Buffy grinned wickedly.
Spike would be so proud.
Buffy shifted slightly in her seat and let her mind wander. There was little here to hold her interest, most times nothing did. Except her obsession with a certain member of the undead, that was a constant. She had read and reread all the journals, finally admitting that there were no answers in them. The life and times of one William Aldridge was not coming close to solving the ambiguities of one Spike, aka William the Bloody. William may have been where Spike started, but it was a far cry from where he ended up.
And thank god for that.
Buffy cringed a bit at the thought. For all her supposed convictions and seemingly concrete ideas of right and wrong, the fact of the matter was the man she had discovered in the books would have had a serious fight on his hands to attract her attention.
Unlike the way Spike consumed it.
She could also admit in some infinitesimal way that maybe, just maybe, Spike was better off with the way things had turned out. William was a dreamer. Spike was a realist, as much as he could be. The potential of William had manifested into the all-consuming passion of a being that reveled in life, not hid from it. But then that lead to the crux of the problem. If she couldn't love William, a kind sweet generous soul, much like Angel as a matter of fact, then how could she love Spike? Not that she did love Spike, it was just an obsession borne of loneliness and a loss of home. She knew this, had dissected and learned it with painstaking care. So why couldn't she just cut it loose now? Why did she keep going over it again and again? And more importantly, why was his grave the first place she went on the way to patrol and the last on the way home?
Buffy was pulled from her thoughts by something Giles was saying. Or rather, by a name he was saying. Sitting up in her chair, she centered her attention on her Watcher.
"Miss Madeleine Combs was a customer at the same butcher shop Mr. Burke frequents and Samantha Roberts visits the same physician as Nelly."
Buffy grabbed Giles' arm and dug her nails into his skin. "What are you saying," she whispered hoarsely.
" Buffy. " He began trying to release her fingers, and failing, just pressed his hand onto hers. " I've checked and double checked. Every last death is in some way connected to Nelly and Mr. Burke."
Buffy's eyes grew wild and desperation tinged her voice. "It's a coincidence Giles. It has to be. Just because they go to the same stores means nothing. You're wrong. You're wrong." She had no idea when she'd dropped to her knees in front of him but she was not moving until he told her this was all a mistake.
Giles gripped her arms and stared into her eyes, as if by sheer force of will he could convince her of the truth. "Buffy, please calm down. I'm not wrong. At the shop today I managed to obtain access to the last piece of the puzzle, a listing of receipts and transactions. I made some phone calls and discovered that the shop is most certainly not the Burkes main source of income."
A quiet stillness spread slowly through Buffy's system. "What do you mean?"
" In all of the deceased, we have discovered traces of a drug in the blood. After much research we have determined that it seems to enhance a witches natural abilities. It has proven very useful when one wants to cast a particularly difficult spell. The Council used it for a time but unfortunately the side effects are too intense. Most who take it become addicted immediately. We have been unable to determine if the addiction stems from the drug itself or from the power involved but most are willing to do anything to keep the high they achieve. The Burkes have amassed more than a small fortune selling it."
Buffy stood slowly, determination stiffening her spine. "That doesn't make them murderers. The drug killed those women. I'm sure if the Burkes were made aware of what it did they-"
"No Buffy, the drug didn't kill those women. It doesn't have that kind of effect. It may drive them insane, maybe even enough to take their own life but it does not crush them into a shell of their former selves. That was done by outside forces and the only link we have tying them all together is the Burkes. I'm deeply sorry Buffy. I know how much you've come to care for-"
She didn't register that she had slapped him until the stinging in her palm became noticeable. A brief moment of horror washed over her but it was quickly replaced with rage and tears. " They love me, Giles...Me. Not the Slayer. They don't expect me to go out and fight off the world for them. They just want me for me."
"Buffy, please, I-"
"No. This conversation is over. If you want to destroy the only people, other than my mother, who never asked me for a thing then you do it on your own. I'm done," Buffy let her gaze encompass the room before settling on her watchers eyes, "with all of you."
With that Buffy pulled her dignity together, turned on her heel and walked away.
I watched the world float to the
dark side of the moon
after all I knew it had to be something
to do with you
Buffy's bravado lasted exactly five seconds after the door shut behind her. Then she ran. She ran from the council, she ran from Giles and mostly she ran from herself. When her lungs finally gave out, she dropped to her knees and sat in the street as tears coursed over her face. She'd had enough, she just, quite simply, couldn't take anymore. Every where she turned there was a betrayal waiting to happen and she was so sick of it. Each time she had let someone into her exceedingly fragile heart they were stolen from her. Either ripped apart because of her destiny or she just didn't hold on tight enough and they slipped off of their own accord.
Buffy threw her head back and screamed. She screamed for Willow and Xander, for Tara and her Mom, for Angel and Riley and she even screamed for Spike, him maybe the loudest of all. Then she cried for the countless others that barely registered in her memories but were a part of her failure none the less. Lying in the middle of an alley curled around herself Buffy quietly, with whimpers and whines, let all the pain eat away at her until there was just an empty shell of the Slayer the world once knew. Buffy Summers had finally found true rock bottom.
It could have been hours later but more likely only minutes, Buffy felt a hand on her shoulder. Blinking open her swollen bloodshot eyes she caught a flash of purple and sighed in relief.
"Buffy?…Child, what are doing out here? What's wrong?"
Buffy stumbled to her feet and launched herself into Nelly's arms. Her sobs raised in volume again and Buffy let herself be led into the shop she hadn't realized she'd run to.
if I'm alive and well, will you be
there holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with
my superhuman might
kryptonite
Buffy drank the last drops of tea from her cup and set it gingerly on the table. She fumbled with the cuff of her coat, unwilling to make direct eye contact with the two seated across from her. This was her last stop, the last chance to see if she was truly loved. The silence was unbearable. She had told the Burke's everything. And she meant everything, from the moment she was called to the minutes before Nelly found her. Exactly why she had done it was a mystery. She'd had no intention of unburdening herself when Nelly had led her to the apartment above the shop. But once she was seated in their living room with a cup of tea in her hand and one of Nelly's handmade throws across her legs she had found she couldn't stop.
For their part, Nelly had done a lot of sympathetic tongue clucking and Mr. Burke had kept squeezing her hand, urging her to continue. They hadn't even seemed mad when she informed them that the council believed they were murderers. In fact they hadn't seemed shocked by any of it. Buffy guessed it was because they had been surrounded by magic all their life.
Buffy's attention was drawn to a movement off to her right and raised her eyes to meet Nelly's, who had come to sit beside her. "Everything will be okay, Buffy. You have us now and we will take care of you."
Buffy sighed and went willingly into the arms held out for her. She was safe here, she was at peace and for the first time in a long time she was happy. Nelly had begun stroking her hair and the motion was making her drowsy.
So tired
"Ssshhh child, sleep."
Buffy nodded slightly and closed her eyes. Within moments she was asleep. She never heard Giles arrive.
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if
not for me then you would be dead
Buffy watched the people pass beyond the window of the store. It had been two weeks since her flight from the council and she had yet to leave the shop. She hadn't called Giles or even Dawn, which should have struck her as unusual but she couldn't muster the energy to concern herself. They hadn't bothered to call her either. She was in an almost perpetual haze and had no desire to shake it. Her days had lapsed into tea and sleep with the odd bout of lucidity when she made her way downstairs to work in the shop. The Burkes let her be, even encouraged her self imposed resting period.
"Miss? Miss?"
Buffy dragged her attention away form the window to stare blankly at the woman in front of her.
"Miss, do you have anymore of these?"
Buffy looked absently at the handful of casting stones in the woman's hand. "I think there is more downstairs." Buffy marveled at her own voice. It sounded so calm, a little slurred, but calm none the less. Coming here was definitely the right decision.
Buffy was brought back to the present by the woman's impatient throat clearing. Jumping slightly, her brain scrambled to catch up with the conversation. "I…I'll just go get them."
The woman nodded and Buffy glanced around for Nelly. She hated to go downstairs, it was nothing more than a cellar really and every time she went visions of that time with the mummy hand crept up. Sighing when she couldn't locate Nelly, Buffy headed for the cellar door.
It took her close to ten minutes to find the stones as she kept forgetting what she was there for.
Maybe I should buy some post-it notes or something…Or just quit coming down to work.
Deciding the latter sounded more promising, Buffy headed for the stairs only to be stopped by a slight thumping noise behind one of the shelves that lined the room. Her first instinct was that a rat had gotten into the walls, but as the thumping grew louder and more pronounced Buffy began to pick out a rhythm in the sound. Slowly putting down the box she was carrying, Buffy moved towards the shelving and after a few minutes of grunting and pulling, she managed to push it aside. She was momentarily distracted by the realization that her Slayer strength had seemingly evaporated, but the thumping garnered her attention again and she placed a hand on the wall.
Buffy fought hard at the fog in her brain. Even the simplest of thought processes were becoming increasingly difficult these days but there was something important here, something she needed to remember. Pressing her ear against the wall, she screwed her eyes shut and concentrated.
Three short thumps, three long ones, three short ones. Then a pause and then the same pattern, over and over.
Buffy's eyes widened as, finally, an old memory asserted itself. The taps were code, or more specifically, SOS. Buffy stumbled back from the wall in horror. Searching the room frantically for something to penetrate the barrier, she finally settled on ripping a loose pipe from the ceiling. With what was left of her strength, Buffy crashed the pipe into the wall, satisfied when it produced a small dent. Rolling her shoulders, Buffy went to work.
It took close to an hour but she finally managed to make a small hole in the thick plaster. Ripping at it with her fingers, Buffy stuck her arm in the opening and shrieked when it was seized in a claw-like grasp. Scrambling back, she pulled her arm free of the wall but couldn't shake the grip and she stared numbly at the fingers wrapped around her wrist. The room suddenly became very dark and Buffy fought against the encroaching dizziness even as she landed on her back on the floor. Seconds later, she was on her feet attacking the wall in with her fists. The fingers had been wearing Giles' ring.
Buffy choked hard on the scream that welled in her throat when she finally managed to pull him free. He looked emaciated, a mere shell of the man she had seen two weeks previous. His body was covered in wounds from more than one beating and he was nearly starved to death. She had no idea how he'd managed to survive, much less be coherent enough to alert her to his presence. Dropping to the floor, she pulled him onto her lap and rocked slightly as her tears splashed on his face.
"Buffy…" The sound was barley above a whisper.
"I'm here Giles. I'm here. You're okay now. How long were you in there?"
" F…Four…days."
"Oh God Giles. You're going to be okay. I'll get you help. I'll go get Nelly and-"
The grip on Buffy's hand tightened painfully and Buffy stared, surprised at the strength, into his eyes. "What is it?"
"They…they did this…put me in…"
Buffy shook her head in denial.
"Buffy…please…"
Buffy stared at the wall and then back at the man half-dead on her lap. Closing her eyes, she fought the overwhelming urge to run back to her safe, idyllic life. It would be so easy. Too easy. Her eyes opened with a snap and she carefully began to lift Giles. "We'll get you home and then we can figure out what needs to be done."
"Well, this is unfortunate."
Buffy froze at the voice drifting down from the top of stairs. She watched in horror as the voice became a body and she was face to face with Mr. Burke. "Just give him to me, dear, and you can go back to your room where everything is safe."
Buffy shook her head slightly, a strangled, "No," falling from her lips.
Mr. Burke smiled and clucked his tongue. "Buffy, it's the only way for you to be happy. You are happy, aren't you?"
Buffy stared into his warm brown eyes and swayed slightly on her feet. It would be so easy.
Buffy! Wake the fuck up!!
Buffy jumped at the voice in her head. The voice wasn't such an issue, it was more to do with the fact that it wasn't hers. But whoever had invaded her mind was right. No matter how many times she ran away from her calling, it was always there, along with the man in her arms. Tightening her grip on Giles, she started to push past Mr. Burke.
"I'm sorry you feel that way, Buffy, but I can't have you two off buggering up my plans."
Buffy flinched as the upper door slammed shut and a red glow filled the room. Easing Giles down on the step, she turned to face Mr. Burke, and was in no way prepared for what she saw.
She stared in horrified fascination as Mr. Burkes features began to change into that of a much younger man. In moments the seventy some odd year man had been replaced with one closer to her own age. Buffy blinked.
"Yes, it is rather disconcerting at first. I was going to show you eventually but I guess that's just a fanciful dream now."
"You…you're…," Buffy stumbled through her mind for an appropriate description and blathered out the first thing to come to mind, " cute…"
"Mmm, " he nodded in agreement, " I had such plans for you Buffy, but now you've gone and ruined them. I must say I'm quite disappointed."
"Plans?" Buffy narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What plans?"
He crossed the small space between then and ran a finger down the side of her face. "You know, I could have made you forget all about that vampire. Pity."
Buffy shoved his hand off and stepped back. Turning around, she stooped to lift Giles. "We're leaving."
A wave of energy hit her in the back and sent her sprawling on the floor face first. It was a struggle but she managed to find her feet and launched herself at Mr. Burke, only to be caught immediately against his chest in a punishing grip. "Haven't you figured it out yet, little girl?"
"What, you sick prick," she spit.
"You know for a Slayer you're really quite stupid."
Buffy stared at him for a moment before the pieces fell into place. "You drugged me!"
"Of course, how else could we control you."
Buffy flailed helplessly in is arms for awhile until she finally had to give in to the drugs coursing through her body. She had to accept it, for now she was helpless. "What are you going to do?"
Buffy shivered as his now green eyes shifted passed her and came to rest on Giles. "Finish what I started"
I picked you up and put you back
on solid ground
Buffy shook quietly in Giles' arms. There wasn't much space behind the wall but she didn't need a lot. As it was she lay curled in his lap. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She'd began her litany the minute the wall was sealed and two hours later she was still going strong.
"Please Buffy, do shut up. I prefer not to die with a headache on top of everything else."
Buffy's reply was cut off by a loud bang on the other side of the wall. Seconds later the wall was gone and Nelly leaned heavily against the opening before slipping to the floor. Buffy helped Giles out and then turned her considerable anger on the woman she had trusted. All arguments faded in the wake of the woman's appearance.
She's worse off than Giles.
Nelly was covered in cuts and large welts. Her eyes were almost swollen shut and her clothes were ripped and hung in tatters around her. It almost seemed like her body was collapsing in on itself. Buffy leaned down beside her and lifted her chin.
"Nelly?" she whispered
Nelly took her hand and placed a small kiss in the palm. "It's okay, child."
Buffy was torn between her desire for revenge and her love for a friend. Moments passed before she made her decision. "We need to get you to a hospital."
Nelly laughed slightly but the sound came out as more of a gasp. "No hospital can help me. He's taken almost everything I have. What was left I used to open the wall."
More pieces of the puzzle clicked into place in Buffy's mind as slow tears dripped from her chin. "You're a witch. You've been taking the drug."
Nelly nodded slightly and gripped Buffy's hand. "Yes, I helped him. Don't cry for me, child, I have done my share of evil in this world."
"Did you…did you kill…"
"No, but I didn't stop him either. He waits until they are so far gone they will do anything to get a boost and then he takes their power, sucks the life force out of them. "
"But why?"
"Power. He needs the power."
"For what."
"I don't know."
"Then why did he take yours? He needs you, you were helping him."
"I couldn't let him hurt you. You're so pure, so sweet, my little Buffy. I couldn't let him take that away."
Buffy gathered the woman in her arms, and held her as her last chance for a mother slipped quietly away. "Where is he?" There was no mistaking the cold, calculating tone in her voice.
Nelly pulled Buffy's chin down until she was forced to look in the woman's eyes. "Leave it be, Buffy. If you follow him it will only end in death, probably yours."
"Where did he go?"
"I'm not sure. He said it was time to finish what he started."
Nelly's breathing started to deteriorate into small gasps and Buffy shook her slightly. "Nelly don't die. Please don't die."
"It's just my turn, luv, it's just my turn. Buffy, listen to me. You need to quit taking the pills. They're killing you."
Buffy started in confusion. "They're just anti depressants."
"No, luv, they're not."
Buffy sat in silence as the woman slipped away in her arms.
Lowering Nelly's lifeless body to the ground, Buffy crawled over to Giles.
"I'm going to find him Giles. Will you help."
Giles raised a shaky hand and cupped her cheek.
"There's my Slayer."
I really don't mind what happens now and then
as long as you'll my friend at the end
Buffy dropped to her stomach in the dirt. Reaching over the edge of the cliff, she peered blindly into the darkness, her breath coming in heavy gasps.
"Xander! Xander grab my hand! Oh god please! Xander!
Buffy blinked as her dream shifted and she found herself sitting in a graveyard. Swinging her head around, she encountered a familiar tombstone and her brows drew together in puzzlement.
"What am I doing here?"
"I figured it was time to throw a little variety into your dreams."
Buffy's head shot up and her mouth dropped as the figure behind the voice approached.
"Willow?"
"Hey Buffy."
Buffy did nothing for a full minute but stare and then she grabbed the girl and held on for dear life. The two women clung to each other for long minutes before Willow finally pulled away to stare into Buffy's face.
"I miss you."
"I miss you too," Buffy choked out. " I miss you so much."
"Buffy, I need you to listen to me. You can't keep going the way you have been. "
"I know Will, I'm getting better. I stopped taking the pills. The withdrawal has been a major bitch but I'm dealing."
"I know Buffy. That's great, you're doing great, but I mean inside. You're so shut down. You need to open up your heart again. You need to feel again."
"But it hurts." The sentence came out caught between a whine and a whimper.
"It's supposed to. You hurt and then you heal and then you move on to the next time."
"But why, I don't understand, why would I want to do that again?"
Buffy stared at the beautiful pure smile that erupted on her friends face. "Because of all the joy in between."
"Can't I just stay here with you."
Willow's laugh, the one Buffy had loved for six years, bubbled forth and bathed her in its essence. "No more hiding, Buff. It's your time to live. Really live and really love."
Buffy arched a skeptical eyebrow. "Love is a highly over-rated emotion."
"But sometimes it's all you've got."
Buffy glanced around as the place Willow had sat was suddenly empty. "Willow," she whispered quietly. Her gaze frantically shooting around the quiet graveyard. "Willow!" she screamed.
"Willow!"
Buffy shot straight up in her seat as the car came to stop. Her driver made a slight throat clearing sound and Buffy blushed. This associate of the council probably thought she was nuts. Buffy rolled her head on her shoulders and tried to clear the dream fog from her mind.
It had taken longer than expected to track down Mr. Burke. Eventually the council had traced him to a city in the states by the strew of bodies he'd left in his wake. It had been another six weeks before Buffy was fit to travel. The detox had been difficult but Giles and Dawn had rarely left her side.
Difficult…it had been hell of mammoth proportions.
Buffy shuddered slightly at the painful memories. They had discovered she had been taking the same drug as the witches. Nelly had been replacing her pills. Buffy skittered her mind away from thoughts of Nelly's betrayal. She wanted to remember the love of the woman, not the pain.
The car door opened and Buffy took the hand that appeared in front of her. She was home. Or at least on home soil. This wasn't Sunnydale and Buffy thanked the powers for that. No force in heaven or hell was getting her back there anytime soon. Buffy stared up in awe at the huge house before her.
"You live here?"
Her companion nodded and Buffy raised a brow "Alone?"
Buffy decided that she had probably misinterpreted the fleeting look of guilt that crossed his features. "Not exactly alone. I have…roommates."
Buffy nodded to herself. With a house this big she supposed he needed help keeping up the bills and such. She wondered idly if the Council was paying him to let her stay here. Buffy followed him up the steps and into the foyer of the house.
"Your room is up those steps and to the right, " he said, gesturing with his hand, "The bathroom is the third door on the left."
Buffy grinned. Those were the most words she'd heard him say since he picked her up at the airport an hour ago. "Do you mind if I take a quick nap before we dive into all the council stuff? Jet lag is not my friend."
His response was cut off as a female voice drifted in from a room off to their right. "Toad?"
Buffy raised a brow and pressed her lips together to conceal a smirk. "Toad?"
He blushed slightly and took a sudden and consuming interest in his feet. "It's a nickname," he shrugged.
She smiled and put a comforting hand on his arm. He grinned at the gesture back and motioned towards the sound of the voice. "Do you want to meet some of my roommates?"
Buffy nodded and slipped her arm through his. She really just wanted a shower, a bed and twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep. In that order. But she supposed two seconds to make nice wasn't going to kill her. As two sets of footsteps made their way closer, Buffy and Toad turned to greet them.
TBC…
(I'd like to say I'm sorry for leaving it there but what would a story be without a few cliffhangers…)