Author: liz_Z
E-mail: liz_Z@secret-agent.com
Category: Humor
Rating: PG-13
Timeline: Takes place a two and a half months before the first Dragon Knights book, when Rath, Thatz and Rune are just setting out to recover Nadil's head.
Spoilers: Uuuuum, yeah, there're probably some of those.
Disclaimer: The characters and premise of 'Dragon Knights' does not belong to me. They belong to Mineko Ohkami, to whom I am incredibly grateful for creating this marvelous manga series. I'm not making any money off of this story; I'm just writing it for my own amusement.
Author's notes: Lookie, my first Dragon Knights fic! Yay! ^_^ *does a little happy dance* Let's see, notes, notes, notes.... I'm really more of a fan of Rath and Thatz than I am of Rune.... But this story kind of wrote itself.
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Rune sat cross-legged in a small clearing surrounded by a thick forest and continued his attempts to attune himself to the surrounding plant-life. As an Elf, he had been able to sense the presence of the trees and other plants innately. But ever since he had become a Dragon Knight, he had been unable to sense even a single blade of grass.
"Rune!" Rath's voice echoed through Rune's ears; it seemed unnecessarily loud.
Rune's eyes snapped open. He flinched with surprise as he realized that Rath's face was positioned mere inches away from his own.
Rath's eyes crinkled shut with amusement as he turned to look at Thatz, who was standing at a safer distance. "OK, he's alive! Can I tell him now?"
Thatz shrugged. "It's your funeral."
Rath turned his grin back on Rune. "We get to go demon-hunting!"
Rune leapt to his feet, sending Rath tumbling head over heels. "What?" he yelled, giving Rath a murderous glare. "We're supposed to bring Nadil's head back to the Dragon Lord, not kill demons!"
Rath jumped to his feet, completely unfazed by Rune's outburst. "But killing demons is more fun," he said blithely.
Rune's response was to hit Rath over the head with the flat of his blade. Fortunately, Rath took the hint and shut up.
Thatz just sat back and watched the conversation as if it happened every day -- which, indeed, it did. Once he was certain Rune was finished inflicting punishment on Rath for the moment, he said, "We were getting food at the marketplace in Sevinne--"
"Where's the food?" Rune interrupted. He certainly didn't see any new edibles scattered around the camp.
Thatz shrugged. "We ate it all. Anyway, we were in the marketplace, and--"
"You ate it all? Damnit, Thatz, we can't find Nadil's head if we're starving to death!"
"But we're not starving anymore, we ate!" Rath said, every bit as chipper as he had been before.
Rune hit Rath over the head with his sword again and then turned back to Thatz. "You were saying?"
Thatz grinned nervously as sweat drops began to appear on his forehead. "Well, after we purchased enough food for a small army...."
"Or to feed the two of you lunch...."
"Rath was asking around and he heard about a demon that's been plaguing the townsfolk."
Rath jumped in front of Thatz and stated enthusiastically, "He eats people's brains and absorbs some of their characteristics and talents. This morning he ate a barber."
Thatz pushed Rath out of the way and hissed, "You don't have to act so happy about it!"
Rath just continued to grin. "So, I said I'd kill it."
Rune glared at Thatz. "And you let him?"
Thatz shrugged and grinned sheepishly. "They were offering a reward."
Rune gritted his teeth. "We were told to recover Nadil's head. That is what we are going to do. No detours!"
Rath's face fell. "But I want to kill a demon!"
"And I want to claim the reward!" Thatz chimed in.
"No! No, no, no, no!" Rune stamped a foot on the ground. "We are not going demon hunting, and that is final!"
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"I told you we'd get to go demon hunting," Rath said triumphantly to Thatz.
"Rune's going to kill us... but I don't care! I want the reward!" Thatz crowed. He rubbed his hands together greedily.
"Untie me, you idiots!" Rune hollered, struggling against the ropes that Thatz and Rath had used to bind him. "The Dragon Lord is going to be furious because of this!"
Thatz waved off Rune's comment with a smile. "Oh, he doesn't need to know about this little detour." He looked over at Rath. "Let's wait here. The demon likes to roam over the country looking for new victims, he's sure to come by here eventually."
"But I don't want to wait!" Rath frowned stubbornly. "I want to go demon hunting, now!" He unsheathed his sword and took off running into the woods.
"Rath, wait!" Thatz yelled as he dashed after his dark-haired companion. "You don't even know if you're going the right way!"
And, quite suddenly, Rune was the only one left in the clearing.
"Oh, this is just perfect," Rune muttered, struggling against the ropes. "Damn you, Thatz, why did you have to tie the knots so tight?" Rath had been more interested in watching out for the demon. If he had been the one to tie Rune up, Rune would probably have managed to escape by now. However, Thatz was the one who had tied the knots, while Rath sat on Rune to hold him down. The method had been annoying, but effective. Rune was completely unable to escape.
Rune's ears perked up as he heard a rustling sound in the bushes nearby. "Rath, stop playing around! Show yourself, now!" No answer. "Rath? ...Thatz?" Still there was no reply. Rune began to feel distinctly uneasy. "Stop making those funny noises and get out here!"
"You're the one who makes funny noises." The voice was shrill and raspy, with the barest hint of a lisp. Yet it sent shivers up Rune's spine.
"Not funny, Thatz!"
A figure stepped out of the bushes, tall and gangly. Its demon eyes gazed down at Rune with an eerie hunger. "You have pretty hair, little girl."
"What?" Rune yelped, attempting to scoot as far away from the yokai as possible. "I'm not a girl!"
"You look like one," the yokai intoned, a menacing grin appearing on his face. "Are you lost, little girl?" He bent down in front of Rune and ran a hand through some of Rune's long blond hair. "I think the little girl needs a haircut."
Rune kicked the demon in the face and scrambled backward, wishing desperately that at least his hands were untied so that he could reach for his sword. "I am not a little girl! I'm a guy! A guy!"
The yokai scowled and brought a hand up to where Rune's boot-prints were still clearly visible on his face. "You don't kick like a girl...." The demon's grin reappeared and he pulled an oversized pair of scissors out of his cloak. "But I think I'll give you a haircut anyway. And afterwards, I think I'll eat you. How lovely...."
"No! Not lovely! Rath! Thatz! The demon's over here! Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!"
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Rath's shoulders slumped. "We've been all over this forest, and there's been no sign of that demon! It's got to be around here somewhere."
Thatz sighed. "No reward...." His stomach growled. "Hey, I'm hungry. I think there may still be something to eat at camp."
"After we find this yokai, we could eat roast demon."
"Can't you think of anything besides demon hunting?" Thatz grabbed Rath and dragged him back toward the camp. However, he stopped about 20 feet away from the encampment as the sounds of Rune's agonized screams echoed through his ears.
"NO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!"
Thatz looked over at Rath. "If we're over here, then who is he yelling at?"
Rath promptly replied, "The demon!" and drew his sword, charging through the bushes into the clearing.
"Shit!" Thatz mumbled. But he drew his own sword as well and followed Rath's lead.
There was indeed a demon looming over Rune's currently helpless form, laughing maniacally and holding... a pair of scissors? Thatz blinked, staring at the scene before him in confusion. But before he had the time to fully absorb what was going on, Rath pointed his sword at the demon and yelled in his most commanding tone, "Step away, demon!"
The demon turned toward Rath and sneered. "Why should I? I was just about to make a meal of the girly-man, here."
"I AM NOT A GIRL!" Rune yelled, his eyes blazing with fury.
Rath glared at the demon. "Don't tell me you're afraid to fight."
The yokai straightened to his full height and glared down at Rath. "Hardly." He laughed menacingly and brandished his scissors. "Besides, you look like you could use a good trim. Maybe a little off the top...." The pair of scissors the demon was holding transformed into a sword, and he took on a defensive stance.
Rath grinned. "I think I'll take a lot off your top. I think I'll take off your whole head."
Thatz rolled his eyes; he knew very well what was coming next. Rath and the demon would fight, the demon would get his butt kicked, and Rath would start dancing around while holding a severed head. They had gone through almost this exact same scenario at least twice since they had left Draqueen -- although, of course, Rune had not been tied up on the previous occasions.
Rune obviously noticed Thatz's mounting disinterest, because he chose that moment to yell, "Thatz! Untie me, now!"
Thatz walked over to Rune and clicked his tongue. "You don't need to be so demanding," he started, but anything else he might have been about to say fell forgotten from his lips as he got his first good look at Rune since the last time he had left the clearing. "Oh my gosh... Rune...." He snickered. "You have no hair."
This was not strictly true; Rune did have a few stray hairs left here and there. But with only the smallest of exceptions, he was completely bald.
"Well, what did you expect?" Rune yelled. "You left me here alone, unable to defend myself, and that yokai took advantage of it! When I get out of these ropes, I am going to kill you! Both of you!"
Thatz laughed nervously and took a step backward. "You know, I think maybe I should wait to untie you until later...."
Just then Rath bounded over to the other two Dragon Knights, his face and clothing spattered with blood. "That was fun.... I wonder where we can find more!"
Rune let out a howl of anguished fury.
Rath looked over at Thatz. "Why's he so upset? ...And what happened to his hair?" He paused for a moment, taking in the disbelieving looks of both Thatz and Rune, and then laughed abruptly. "Oh! The barber demon cut it! That's funny!"
Rune was so angry he could barely speak. "Untie me... so... I can stab him...."
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Six hours later, after Rune had finally calmed down enough that he did not try to stab Rath and Thatz to death as soon as he was untied, the three Dragon Knights walked out of the village of Sevinne.
Thatz sighed. "I can't believe they lied about the reward money. They only gave me half of what they said they would."
"At least we were able to buy enough provisions that you and Rath didn't eat them up within the first five minutes of the trip," Rune snarled.
"You're not still mad 'cause of that demon thing, are you?" Rath asked innocently. Rune promptly let out a war cry and leapt onto Rath's back, trying to strangle him.
Thatz shook his head. "Hey, Rune, look on the bright side -- at least with your hair cut, you don't look like a girl any more."
Just then a traveler passing in the other direction did a double-take and yelled, "Hey, lady! What happened to your hair?"
Thatz laughed nervously. "Then again...."
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The End