Barely a week has passed since they have said their final farewells to their beloved Kenshin. The grief they still felt was in contrast to the beautiful spring atmosphere that was all around them. It seemed to them a painful irony, to lose a much loved someone in the season where everywhere, everything grows and new lives emerge.
But as seasons are bound to change, they knew that they too had to move on.
And no one has realized this more than Megumi. She went back to work the day after the funeral. To some this may have seemed like a cold thing to do, but she had no choice, other people's well-beings were at stake. A lot of people depended on her and so she cannot be selfish as to let her mourning, no matter how much she needed it, interfere with her responsibilities as a doctor. She is a doctor first, a woman and even maybe a human, second.
She knew she should not let anything distract her from her work. But these last few days, her mind was anywhere but the clinic. She was having a constant battle against herself; all the emotions she felt were in turmoil. And a stupid little letter that Kaoru said Kenshin wanted her to receive was causing all of these.
She couldn't understand why she was having all these trouble in the first place. Ever since Kenshin and the others offered her a new life she had made herself a woman in control, and no one or nothing had really been able to distraught her ever since.. well, maybe except for him.
"Him.." She caught herself making an inaudible whisper.
Darn Megumi! How long do you plan to torture yourself? You went to Aizu to forget him, escape him and everything that reminds you of him! A lot of years have passed since you were finally able to accept the terrible fact that you can never be with him. Years before you can finally bring yourself to go back here, and now you're going to throw all those years away because he wrote you a little letter! She scolded herself.
A letter of w/c he only thought of writing now, after you were finally beginning to move on. She thought bitterly.
But you want this letter, and you know it, you still want him, otherwise you wouldn't be this much troubled. A little voice in her seemed to whisper.
That is not true! She reasoned.
Really, and I suppose you really don't care about him anymore, right?
The voice continued to taunt her..
You ask of how long you plan to torture yourself.. well, I'll answer that for you..
The pain you feel will only stop when you stop denying the truth..
What truth?
That you still love him..
"Uso da!"
"What is it Megumi-sensei?" the patient whose wounds she was cleaning was surprised at her sudden outburst.
"Anou.. it's nothing. Gomen." She said. Megumi was as surprised as he was. She realized she was still at the clinic. And that she was cleaning the same wound for about 5 mins now. The young man she was tending was her last patient. And she was thankful for it, she felt really burned out already. She wanted to go home as soon as possible.
Baka Megumi! Look at what's happening to you! She told herself angrily.
It took her about 10 minutes more to finish bandaging the young man.
"That would be all for today. Come back in a day or two so I can make sure that the wound won't open or get infections" she said as cheerfully as she can, trying to hide the exhaustion she felt.
"Hai! Arigatou, sensei." The man said as he gave her a polite bow. And Megumi bowed to him in return. "Douitashimashita."
***
She was finally able to leave the clinic at around 10 pm. She finished some of the files she needed to work on after she had closed the clinic.
She was now on her way home. She was walking rather slowly, barely noticing the things around her. She was again engrossed in her thoughts as she clutched something close to her heart.
Before she left earlier, while she had been gathering her things, she saw it again, on top of her desk. The letter was there lying idly on the table; she has obviously forgotten that she had left it there earlier. She wondered if someone had seen it or even read it. She unconsciously picked it up. She decided to read it one last time. She wanted to throw it afterwards.
But the letter triggered something in her. This time, it wasn't another inner struggle.
***
She suddenly went back to her last few years in Kyoto. The time when the Kenshin-gumi was still the Kenshin-gumi. When they all were still together. The years she treasured the most.
She saw each of them again and everything that happened between them in a flash. The birthdays, festivals, Tanabatas, even the battles they fought in those final years. Everything went by as fast as a train would in an empty field.
But her memories slowed down on a particular night.
An evening she vividly recalled.
It was then when the night sky was clear and starless, and everything around her seemed to have been quiet and sleeping. She was at the clinic again, working late for the nth time that month. She remembered making a number of medicines at the back before she decided it was time for her to go home.
When she went out, she was surprised to see someone leaning at the frame of the main door.
She continued to walk towards the door, stopping only a few meters away from him.
He seemed to have been waiting for her..
But it was so late; she wondered what he could need at this time of night.
"Yo!" He said in his usual manner. He was still leaning at the door but this time he was facing her.
"What is it you want this time?" she asked him trying to sound irritated.
No answer.
A long time passed with the two of them just standing there looking at each other. An atmosphere of silence and awkwardness was forming.
He seemed to have been hesitating about something.
Her brows formed a knot and her lips formed a slight frown.
What is this all about? Why is he acting this way? This is so unlike..
But her thoughts were cut of by his sudden release of breath. He suddenly moved towards her. She didn't know why but there was something different about the way he walked and moved tonight. It almost made her nervous.
He stopped when he was only an inch away from her. He then leaned, placing his forehead in hers. She was looking directly at his huge brown eyes. Now she was REALLY nervous. What was he thinking!
She wanted to say something but she decided that she would hear him out. She was seeing something different in his eyes. He must've got a good explanation for his actions.
He sighed again. He felt his warm breath on her face. She was really beginning to feel uncomfortable.
"I just want to do this while I still have the chance." He finally whispered. He cupped her face with his right hand, and then he raised her chin up a little bit.
She froze on the spot. She didn't what to do. She wanted to whack him and bring back some sense to him but she.. though she would never admit it.. liked it.
She saw he was a bit surprised she didn't do anything to stop him. She felt that he was expecting her to slap him.
But she also felt that he was still gonna do this even if she did slap him.
Rubbing her cheeks with his thumb, he leaned further gently brushing his lips with hers. This made her tingle all over.
She knew what he was going to do and she was not going to do anything to stop him.
She simply closed her eyes as their lips finally met. At that moment everything seemed to have melted.
***
He was passionately kissing her. And to her surprise she was eagerly responding to him.
As their kissing grew more intense, the more she felt like she wanted it. As if she had been always waiting for him to do it.
Can it be?
She was asking herself a question she had been trying to avoid for a long time now.
Do I have feelings for him?
She wondered if the feelings, which she has always ignored, had been true and real all along. She was so confused. But she decided she was going to ponder on it a little later, she was becoming more engrossed in their passionate encounter.
A few more minutes passed before they finally ended it. He slowly lifted his lips, panting a little, as he placed it on her ear, softly whispering the two words she had never thought he could and would say.
Ai shiteru
He slowly drew back from her, and then he turned around and started to walk away. She followed him with her eyes. He stopped when he was almost out the gate. He turned around one last time, saying something that she will never forget, before finally leaving.
"I'll never love another woman as deeply as I love you"
***
After that night her life was never the same. It was the night Sanosuke left Japan. For good, as she heard others say.
She hated him after that.
She had hated him for leaving her with a promise that she may never let go of. She hated him for making her hope. She hated him for making her wait for him year after year.
And she hated him for making her realize that she loved him when he knew they might never see each other again.
The more she remembered, the more the emotions she had tried so hard to kill burned. Tears fell from her eyes though she thought she had no more left after Kenshin's death.
She was now almost running. Everything around her was a blur. She desperately wanted to go home and sleep, for sleep maybe the only thing that may shelter her from her feelings, from him and from herself.
She was relieved when she caught sight of her house.
But what she saw inside her gates made her stop dead in her tracks. The letter she was gripping so hard only moments ago had already slipped from her hands and had fallen to the ground.
Just then a cold wind blew, carrying the crumpled piece of paper inside her yard.
It landed on the soft earth.. inches from where he was standing.
~~~
I rewrote this whole chapter completely. What do you think? Are Meg and Sano OOC or something? Please tell me what you think. I'll be making the next chapter, hopefully in a few days. ^__^