Mirrors Multiplied

Part Fourteen
Return of the Native

by Jared Ornstead
aka Skysaber

Disclaimer:
This was written purposefully to offend you. Everything will suck so
badly that you will be tempted to hurl yourself over the railing in a
major act of Hamlet and be beaten within an inch of your life by ushers
wearing tights while soliloquizing on the merits of your favorite
recommended bleach.

************************************************

Okay, coupla notes. One is that the rewrite is so alive and well and
healthy that I ended up having to include a whole nuther universe in it.
Amazingly enough, one that I'd asked if I could include a very long time
ago, and even more amazingly, in the exact place where I'd intended to
put it.
Amazing how I predict myself like that. I must be psychic.
The upshot of this is that because of my amazingly limited
intellect, all random universes from now on will be reflecting the count
in the rewrite version so I don't crawl off gibbering into the corner in
confusion (the only versions I keep on my desktop are all rewrite ones).

Just so you know, and in the plainest possible terms, the Random 6
we start this with is the *same universe* as the Random 5 we ended the
last one in. I just changed my own numbering scheme based on my own
needs.
When I get around to it, all previous episodes will be updated. Um,
actually they are. But that's all on *my* computer and none of you can
see it because you haven't asked nicely, so there. :P

************************************************
Random Universe 6

Mikado leaned in and planted a kiss upon Akane Tendo's lips. Ranma
floated in on the side. Akane tore away and stood, embarrassed, not
quite sure what to say. Finally the silence grew unbearable and she
snapped at Ranma.
"Well?!!"
Ranma's demeanor still hadn't budged, nor had he looked at them.
"First of all, he let up pressure *far* too soon. I've never seen him
botch a kiss that badly. Second, he must have lost the good taste I've
always credited him for to kiss a somebody like you."
Akane began boiling in rage. Ranma ignored it and tossed a small,
black object to Mikado. "Here."
The skater caught it and asked, "Huh? What's _this_ for?"
Ranma recrossed his arms. "Sucking on a charcoal briquette is the
only way *I've* found to get the bad taste out of my mouth, but then,
I've never actually *kissed* her. So you might need something stronger."

Ice began to melt under Akane's battle aura, coming to a complete
eruption when Mikado actually popped the briquette into his mouth.
"BOTH OF YOU! DIE!!!!!!"
A crewman kept waving papers before the director, whispering
complaints. "I don't *care*!" The director hush-snapped in return.
"Everyone keep filming so long as we've got film in the cans. They've
*never* fallen this deeply into the role before. We can fix the plot
later. Get the scriptwriters on the line. Just *don't* stop cameras."
Ranma weaved before the blows like he was actually enjoying himself.
Mikado had taken one hit and was implanted in the wall above the far
side of the rink. Ranma began to read a book, still dodging blows.
They ran out of film in the last camera while they were still
reloading the rest.
Akane's mallet went flying as she no longer had the strength to hold
onto it. She spilled and bit the ice, suddenly unable to keep up the
footwork of her lunging attack on her own skill.
Seeing the mallet go flying off toward the audience Ranma pushed
off, arced on his skates comfortably underneath it, and caught the
weapon one-handed.
He chose then to fold up and put away his book, finished reading.
"Sheesh, Akane, what's up? Why'd you suddenly get even *more*
clumsy?"
The stadium had grown eerily quiet, `til the silence was broken by a
moan and at the far end of the rink Mikado stood up, holding his head.
A second later another figure got up, doing the same thing. Only
this one was Ranma.
A the door of the arena, a horribly late actress breezed in upset at
why no one had come and gotten her.
Attention wandered from the Ranma on the ice, to the Ranma just
behind the wall, to the Ranko standing in confusion at the door.
There was an audible, stadium-wide, synchronized blink.

Orchid put the bucket down, one more in female form and a blue
blouse, having remembered a few details. "So *none* of you are the real
thing? You're all just actors?"
"Well, DUH." Akane's actress crossed her arms, still mightily upset
over the insults earlier. She stiffened as a sword appeared miraculously
at her throat.
"You may not BE Akane, but you *look* like Akane, you *act* like
Akane, you even *sound* like Akane and that girl has killed me multiple
times through abusing my trust. I'm still somewhat upset at her about
that. Perhaps I would be less so if I could recall a single, happy
memory of her, but so far nothing's come up."
Blue Ranko put the sword away.
The actress gulped quite heavily and began feeling her neck.
"So you actually change with hot water?" Ranma's actor asked,
perplexed.
Blue Ranko blinked. "Yeah. What happens to you?"
He shrugged. "I change places with Akane."
Blue Ranko had a facefaulting moment. "WHAT?!?"
"He means me." Said the actress who *played* Ranko, over her folded
arms. "It makes things difficult when we both have to be on screen, like
those times we split apart. But we try and avoid gender-altering magic
as much as possible, because if you haven't remembered to set it right
before the end of filming you're stuck until when next the cameras roll.
Which stinks."
Blue Ranko was giggling into her handkerchief. "Somebody who only
has to *pretend* to live my life and they're upset at how weird it gets.
Oh, this is rich!"
"Don't tell me *you* don't mind it." Ranko challenged hotly.
Blue Ranko called up a chi ball around her fist, let loose and
destroyed a shop counter. Then, with the same glowing hand, grabbed the
thirty-something actor who played Tatewaki and restored years to him
until he no longer needed makeup to look in his teens.
"It has its advantages." Blue Ranko replied, taking a sip from her
drink. "Besides, by this time I'm unsure how I'd take a normal life."
"I can see how an assembly line job would strike you as a little
dull." Asuza's actress agreed with a smirk.

"Did you see what happened when the cameras spun down?" Mika
demanded, hauling topper along by his arm to the rink entrance.
"Yeah. Akane lost hold of her hammer." Topper weakly flapped along
behind, wondering what had gotten Belldandy's actress so upset.
"It's not JUST that!" The look-alike insisted. "Ranma *caught* it!
You don't know him, I don't think, but I do. He's lived in my hometown
since I was six and he's the clumsiest person alive. I've seen him walk
into a utility pole in broad daylight with his eyes open. I'm surprised
they can film on ice without him killing himself."
"So they still musta had a camera on, huh?" Keiichi's actor asked.
"Then why did Akane's actress lose her hammer? Besides, you and I
both saw the cameras wind down."

The director was schmoozing up to Blue Ranko when Belldandy and
Keiichi both ran in. Blue Ranko/Orchid shot out of her chair, crying out
brightly. "Belldandy-sama! Daddy!"
This *might* not have brought the pair of them up short, what
happened next, however, did. The ceiling of the stadium was pierced by a
lightning stroke which left a steaming inscription on the floor. Asuza's
actress was the first to nervously edge up to it.
"Ranko, it's for you." She called back merrily.
Two girls pointed at themselves questioningly.
"Oh, pooh. The one in the blue shirt. The fun one. The one who
skates."
The named one bounded over. "Maybe you'd better just call me Orchid
for now?"
"Okay. Can I please be your friend?"
Orchid read the note. It said. "That one is not the real Belldandy,
and I would appreciate it if you were to ask my daughter's consent
before your family railroads her into marrying you. P.S. That won't get
you out of asking for *my* permission, of course. Signed, The Almighty
One."
"Um, sure. Only if I can call you Asuza, though."
"Orchid, you could call me anything you want so long as you let me
do some of what you do."
Orchid giggled. "What did you say, Fred?"
A frown and a huff. "Okay, maybe not *anything*."
The two began giggling and exchanging confidences while Mika and
Topper came over and looked down at the note. Topper stood looking
around.
"Cameras are still off, Mika."
The actress who played Belldandy had grown a trifle pale. "Uh, Kay?"

"Yeah?"
"Catch me. I'm going to faint."
And she did.
Asuza and Orchid were talking.
"You *really* don't like Genma, do you?"
"Yeah. I wish I could do something so he wouldn't be my dad
anymore." Blue Ranma agreed.
"GRANTED. I'd actually been waiting for that." Reverberated a godly
voice. "Use this when you get to an appropriate place." A metal amulet
clattered to the table top before him, its jewels pulsing with light,
building to a crescendo.
Orchid screamed as the light engulfed her, then relaxed as no mists
appeared and she could look around herself at the completely unchanged
scene.
"Whew! It didn't seem to do much." She sagged against the table. "So
do you *really* want to do this stuff?" Orchid was asking her new
friend.
Asuza blink-blinked.
Strange strains of music began to play from no identifiable source,
a rising pulse and truly inspired synthesizer work racing up and down
like a hummingbird evading a predator. The air in the room was split by
black lightning creating a rift, out of which stepped a woman in tight
and brief leathers, with spreading bat wings arcing from each of her
shoulders.
"Ranma, I have come for you."
An actor fainted.
"Not you."
Orchid drew out a long metal sword. "Yeah, I'm ready."
"Um, Orchid? I thought that I got to have a *wee little bit* of
training before stuff like *this* happened?" Asuza complained.
"Silence! You aren't even an annoyance to me, you're in no danger."
The bat-winged woman intoned. "It is the blessed one that I am after."
"Well, I think that you're being a *little* rude about it, is all."
The demoness floated down to the ice.
Orchid blinked, lowering her sword. "Urd?"
The black-winged goddess raised a hand and a bolt of terrible, dark
lightning erupted from her fingers and engulfed Orchid, blasting her out
of the universe.
Urd stretched, allowing the illusions to fall away and reveal her
normal form. "Wow! That was fun. And to think, Father *asked* me to do
it! Oh, well. Now I have to go see if Ranma's alright. Ta tah!"
She blew a kiss to the stunned assemblage and was gone.

*****
A Short-Lived Universe That Isn't Going To Be Around Too Long

"............aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
***WHAM***
Ranko hopped lightly out of the hole she'd created in the ground,
shedding dust and concrete.
"What do you think?" She asked lightly with her hands perched
jauntily on her hips. "Should I have moved the left arm more? Did it
look *too* much like a duck or am I beginning to achieve the swan, do
you think?"
The stunned passerby looked innocently over her shoulder to see an
impact crater that *did* bear a good resemblance to a swan.
He fainted.
Ranko huffed. "Hey, when's anybody gunna appreciate art around
here?" She bounded away from the impact sculpture she'd created by
falling a thousand feet onto bare pavement.
She used to think that materializing high in the air was
inconvenient, now she relished it. Hey, if you're going to be doing it
anyway, might as well leave your mark! (snicker).
Dodging a few maglev cars and feeling a telltale cramp, Ranko
hurried about the business of finding out where she lived. Discovering
that it was once again the Tendo place, this time a split-level track
home with a walled back yard, she headed over with the intent to raid
the sisters of some feminine hygiene products and the go about finding
more about this world.

Nabiki noticed the red caret blinking in the upper viewscreen of her
Sony Holoman and switched off the replay her virtual reality sim had
been giving her of the latest college prep lecture. Removing the set,
and sliding her floating chair (a seat without legs, or need of them)
over to the console in her room, she saw that Ranma had arrived home.
Hmm, half a day early, too. He wasn't supposed to come back until
he'd mastered that Breaking Point thing, which the earliest computer
modeling predictions still placed at tomorrow morning.
Either he'd gotten better enough to outpace the software's projected
curve of his development, highly unlikely given the amount of background
data she had on him, or for some reason he'd given up. Also unlikely.
Her tracking beacon placed him in the bathroom. Shutting down her
console and sliding it once more into the frame of her desk, Nabiki got
out her bath things and decided that it was time for another one of
those `accidents'.

Ranko looked up from what she was doing in the bathroom to find
Nabiki come wandering in. The redhead grimaced. The `Occupied' sign had
made about as much difference as the weather in Tibet. There had been a
time when she'd *nailed* that door shut only to have Akane come barging
in through it anyway.
"Welcome to womanhood, Ranma." Nabiki quipped, seeing what the other
had been doing and noting the pad and blood stains. A huge smile spread
on her face. Solution found, mystery solved. "If you need any help
Kasumi could let you in on a few things. For a small fee I could even be
persuaded to go get her."
"Thank you just the same, Nabiki." Ranko finished what she was
doing, pulled everything together, and was gone.
Nabiki blinked, suddenly wishing she'd disguised a microphone in a
soap bottle so she could've had it with her. That had been a
*significant* departure from Ranma's normal speech and behavioral
patterns.
But then, personality *did* shift during `those times' and someone's
first period often threw things out of whack. She'd expected Ranma to
get *less* polite when that happened, not more. Concluding that she
merely had done an inadequate prediction Nabiki decided to shadow the
martial artist for a day to gain extra data for analysis.

Ranko noticed Nabiki tailing her, and sighed. Suspicions were
already rising. Well, it was Nabs and you could expect her to be a
little sharper than the others. Just to test one theory, the redhead
ducked into a restaurant momentarily and emerged male.
Sure enough, Nabiki followed him no problem. She was as fully aware
of the curse as she'd ever been.

Nabiki trailed after Ranma well outside what she knew to be his
normal detection range. She wished that she could afford a few
hovercams, but the bargain basement brands had poor performance and were
too easily detected, while the good models cost way more than they were
worth.
Ranma went into a restaurant for hot water and emerged male.
Interesting. She wondered if that was because he was having trouble
dealing with his `problem'. She felt it likely. Maybe she could sell him
a few books or friendly advise on the subject.
Not that anybody *else* had Ranma's view on it, but it was worth a
try.

Ranma kept up a `I'm not thinking too hard, but sure lost in
thought' wandering pace, making sure to look at things and judge
Nabiki's reaction. Carefully, he stayed at the edge of her visual range
when he first stopped by to look in the window of a woman's clothing
shop.
Expertly reading her reaction to this, he judged what his own
reaction should be, and walked on. When next he stopped by to look in a
dress shop window, he made sure Nabiki was quite close by, enough to
catch the expression of revulsion mingled with worry that he'd schooled
his features into.

Aha! So that's why the little walk today. Manhood feeling a little
insecure again, Ranma? Afraid of turning into a woman? Nabiki had to
chuckle. Yes, she should have expected this. It was just so hard to
predict when it would happen to him that she'd not even kept a calendar.

She'd thought she'd worked it out that his clock reset every time he
stopped being female. Apparently she'd been wrong, though it would take
some detective work to hammer out the mechanics.
All was ordinary. More data for her computer's Ranma prediction
program (a piece of software that would have sold for big bucks among a
small but actively-interested market) and another way in which she could
feel superior to the insecure martial artist.

Danger signals dropped off to nothing behind him, and Ranma could
*feel* her suspicions draining away. It was a pity in it's way. By
judging her body language during his `wandering' he could tell which
ways she expected him to go, and by following those gain a clear enough
picture of his usual haunts and hangouts.
Oh well, the only way this could continue was if he reignited her
curiosity. But it would defeat the whole purpose if he were to make her
suspicious again.
Unless...

Ranma dropped off her scopes. At first Nabiki wasn't concerned. It
was natural to lose someone periodically even when you're both downtown
on the same moving sidewalk, and she'd been about ready to go home again
anyway.
But something seemed wrong about it. Especially when she searched
for him with ever-increasing concern. She wasn't about to admit that
she'd lost him. Doing a swift retreat to check out his favorite shops
and still not finding him, Nabiki began to worry slightly.
If there ever was a day when he'd turn unpredictable, it would be
now. He'd proved that already. It would be just like him to do something
amazingly stupid.
Stopping to get a hot chocolate cup and fritter sticks, Nabiki
munched in worry, going over facts. Okay, the guy obviously wasn't
feeling like much of a guy at the moment. He went out, didn't want to
stay a girl, and then what? What does he do when he doesn't want to
be...
The middle Tendo daughter bit her fritter stick in two thoughtfully.
Pretty obvious, really. He'd try to do something to prove that he's a
man, and there were *plenty* of willing candidates to prove that to him
in a woman's way. This was bad. He'd already had several minutes head
start and there were fiancees he could have already gotten to in that
time. Even mustering all her resources it would be doubtful she could
find enough emergencies to make them all unavailable to him.
And running by standing probabilities, the only one *not* to be
distracted would be the one Ranma'd gone to.
Her mind already running damage control, Nabiki turned around and
flattened herself against the chest of the man who'd been standing
behind her. Looking up the muscled expanse she found Ranma's face gazing
down on her, standing on a table.
He made a point of appraising her clothes. "Nabiki, if you parade
that luscious body of yours around a second more I may have to succumb
to the temptation to take advantage of it."
She gulped, but he was gone. Going weak in the knees she sat back
at the cafe table.
"Okay," she soothed herself after a stunned few minutes, thankfully
alone. "THAT wasn't what I'd predicted." She sucked on her last fritter
stick, dipped in chocolate. "So was that good or bad?"

At his ease underneath her table, Ranma smiled. Weirdness *within*
the bounds of the normal did not evoke suspicion. And it looked like
he'd succeeded. Plus he'd had a chance to watch her check out all the
spots she'd thought he might have hidden. A better way to know his
hangouts could not be found, she'd literally been showing them to him.
And he could tell alot about what he'd been from the places he went
to and the people he'd hung out with. For instance, he could tell from
all the arcades and movie places on his list that his `present self'
took more pleasure in watching things than in doing them.
A bit less jock and a slice more scholar, he'd judge, though still
essentially clueless from how close Nabiki had been tailing him.
Definitely weaker at the martial arts. Just at a guess he'd also have
collected posters of various stars and shows, and would whine alot when
his elders insisted he get in some special training.
He was beginning not to like this version of himself, and was
considering changing it. But that could wait until he'd gone back and
reassured himself about the guesses on the room.
Well, a brush on Nabiki's leg would capture her attention right
where he wanted it to be while he went about being somewhere else.

It was worse than he'd imagined. The posters overlapped each other.
From the homework on the computer in his room he could judge that
he'd been a fair math whiz, but the rest of it would have to be altered.
He never minded acting like himself, it's just that he always insisted
on playing strong roles.
He hated bit parts.
Ranma went into the yard to think about his options when he saw a
heavily bearded Genma in a green silk gi leap over the outer wall,
angrily unslinging a giant hammer.
"Ranma! This is the *last time* you slip out of your training, boy!
This time you're going to stay up there until the master himself
releases you! Now get out the frame!"
Okay, stay in character. This Genma expected no resistance at all.
In spite of how badly he wanted to know how well the old guy could fight
with a hammer, Ranma followed where he'd been pointing and opened a tool
shed, hauling out the only thing that looked like a `frame'.
Somewhat mollified that his son wasn't whining, Genma slung his
hammer and opened up the device. Once unfolded it looked a bit like a
weightlifting machine, with pulleys and racks of lead bricks attached to
ropes. Genma shoved his son inside of the framework and began to attach
ropes to his wrists and ankles, fitting them back to the weights on the
other ends. When it was over Ranma found himself suspended in mid-air
with a spongy but strong resistance to his every movement, increasing
the more he moved.
It was only when the old man had splashed him with cold water that
Ranma realized she was *also* spread eagled! Finally the words about
being left out for the master registered. So *this* was how Genma forced
him to train? No *wonder* he'd hated it!

Inside the house a little later Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, and the
others (except for Nodoka Saotome, who was away for a few days) knelt
around Happosai, who was lying prone and complaining about his aching
joints. Ranma lounged nearby playing a simple tune on a small harp.
"Ohhh," moaned Happosai. "That ingrate. How dare he hit his master
like that--ohhh!"
"Poor Grandfather Happosai." Kasumi murmured, placing a warm towel
on the little hentai's forehead.
"'Poor Happosai?'" Nabiki squealed. "What about the carp pond? And
the rest of the yard? Did you see what Ranma did? It looks like a bomb
exploded out there!" She turned to Ranma. "Spill it Ranma, how did you
manage a blast like that?"
Ranma glanced at her, but said nothing and did not pause in his
playing. His gaze could not be interpreted. But she could swear he'd
been asked to pay a price and decided it wasn't worth it.
"That's odd." Genma-Panda signed while rumbling incoherently. "The
boy's chi blasts have never been that strong. He *couldn't* hurt the
master with one!"
"Hmm, I'm not so sure, Saotome." Soun Tendo mused, briefly taking
advantage of Happosai's helplessness by kicking him ("Owww!" Happosai
moaned.). "That blast was almost like...like..."
"Like Ryoga's Roaring Lion Bullet," Akane finished, frowning. "I
mean, Ranma's Tiger Ball is similar to that, but I don't think it's
nearly as strong, unless..." She thought for a moment, then glared at
Ranma, who was still playing softly to himself. "Unless he's learned
something else from Shampoo's great-grandmother, which means he's been
chasing Shampoo again!" Jealousy rendering her features hideous, Akane
punched Ranma in the head.
Ranma ceased strumming and bolted upright, glaring. "Hey! What was
that for?"
"OK, Ranma, out with it! How did you learn that chi blast?"
"Like I'd ever tell you." He removed himself a good distance away
and began inspecting the harp for signs of damage. Finding none he
stored it away and pulled out a simple wooden flute, a far more mobile
instrument he could play while leaping and running. Just in case certain
flatchested tomboys got even more out of hand.
Kasumi softly rebuked him. "Ranma, you really shouldn't keep
secrets. You know how it upsets Akane."
"Hmph." Ranma frowned and folded his arms, flute still in hand. "The
fact that I'm alive upsets that tomboy." He quipped.
"I heard that." Akane briefly considered stomping over there to hit
him.
Ranma decided that he was sick of this person. Sick! Not once in
what seemed like an eternity had she been a creature he'd like to spend
time with. Okay, she could be cute. THAT'S IT! He'd known evil people
who were drop dead gorgeous, and most of them could even be civil half
the time. Heck, *Beryl* was considerate and even-tempered compared to
this BITCH!
He turned a meaningful glare on Akane. "Oh really?"
"Admit it!" She snarled back at him, rising up and stomping one
foot. "You've been hanging around with Shampoo, haven't you? I swear you
make me sick with the way you're always glomping onto her and Ukyo!"
"Good!" Ranma added, sticking out his tongue and pulling down one
eyelid.
"RAAAANNNNNMMMMAAA!!!" The fires of rage began glowing.
He threw back a grin of feral delight so like a lion stalking prey
that Akane's anger took a quick hike and she threw up her nose in
disgust instead.
"Oh, honestly! You can be such a jerk, Ranma!"
Sometimes old ways work best. He flashed his best cocky grin. "Hey,
at least I'm not a flatchested tomboy like you."
"You jerk! Sometimes I wonder why any of us even put up with you."
Akane crossed her arms and turned her back.
"Well, some do it because they love me." He answered seriously.
The room went still.
Akane rounded on him with fists clenched and screaming. "I do *NOT*
love you!!! You're a crossdressing pervert who's always grabbing at
girls! I HATE you, Ranma! You make me SICK!!!"
Ranma got up and walked out on the porch. "I said some. I never
included you."
Akane had a standing facefault where she went bone white and her
eyes grew wide with tiny pinprick pupils. Her color returned with her
anger. "BAKA!! You're just trying to make me jealous, aren't you! Well,
fine," she added in her best you're-going-to-suffer-for-this-later tone.
"Why *don't* you go out with them?"
He nodded politely. "Thank you. I will." And he was out the side
gate before anyone had recovered from their astonishment.
"Ho, boy," Nabiki breathed. "You sure blew *that*, sis."
"What do you mean, Nabiki?" Kasumi inquired, knowing Akane was too
proud to ask for herself.
Nabiki pulled out a palm-top, checking figures. "I don't know how
anyone *got* him into this state, but Ranma meant what he said alright.
He had almost no emotional investment in that fight. Something... or
someone," Nabiki's glance went uninterpreted by few. "Has convinced him
this engagement isn't worth it."
"WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP IT?" Akane thundered.
Everyone immediately quieted while taking two... or three... steps
back.
"And here I though it was Ranma who was going to be hormonal."
Nabiki commented, half to herself, stepping out of harm's way.
"SHUT UP, NABIKI!!! Besides, what would you know about it anyway?"
Akane turned to storm out of the room.
"Alot more than you'd think, and you should know dear sister. I've
been helping you for over a year now." Nabiki spoke in flat tones to her
sister's departing back.
"Oh, my. Is it really that bad between them, Nabiki?"
The middle Tendo sister sat back down, facing her eldest sibling.
"I'm not kidding, sis. If Ranma's willing to act like this... it's bad."

Genma had returned to human form, and crossed his arms confidently.

"I'm sure they'll work it out. The boy *has* to, it's a matter of family
honor."
Nabiki made a vain attempt to appeal to his reason. Then gave it up
and redirected the explanation/appeal to her sister. "Look Kasumi, you
know how much I read, right? Well, I was going through some of Steven
Covey's works..."
"Who?" Both fathers interrupted.
"Authored Seven Habits of Highly Effective People? The man who
*created* parts of modern management theory? The only parts that work?
He also wrote Seven Habits books for businesses and families, I don't
suppose you've heard of him?"
Blank looks.
She gave up that tack. "Anyway, in one of his books he introduced an
Emotional Bank Account concept. He said that everyone's relationship
with everyone else can be described in terms of a bank account."
"I can see how that might've appealed to you, girl." Genma quipped.
She froze him with a glare. "Look at it in terms of deposits and
withdrawals, Mr. Saotome. Any relationship begins with a certain
balance, whether that be high or low. From then on any interaction you
take with that person either adds to that balance or takes away from it,
just like a checking account. And *just* like a checking account, there
are penalties for getting into a negative balance. A deposit might be
something like a smile, or giving someone the benefit of the doubt. A
withdrawal would be hitting them, or calling them names, or getting mad
at them. Do you understand?"
"But that's ridiculous, Nabiki." Her father objected. "Ranma and
Akane do that to each other all the time, and it hasn't impacted the
engagement. Our families are still to be joined."
"Ranma doesn't do mean stuff HALF as often as Akane does! And he
does other things for her, daddy!" Nabiki snapped back. "He does stupid
things like helping her out in fights, or *trying* to be nice to her.
He's even sacrificed his *cure* for her! Ranma has *not* been going
without making deposits! Akane has."
"Well, that should make it alright then."
There were times when Nabiki wanted to hit her father.
"They're NOT the same account, daddy. Each one is maintained
separately."
"But if Akane has been going so long that way, wouldn't she have run
into the negative a long time ago?" Kasumi was trying to understand.
"Exactly." Nabiki shook her head and glared at their parents, who
weren't even paying attention. "So we've all been throwing bonuses into
her account for her. Mr. Saotome's thrown in honor on her behalf, and
the rest of us have been giving her loans by supporting her. Daddy and
Mr. Saotome have made it clear they want this engagement more than
anything. You've treaded him nicely and asked him to be nice in turn to
Akane. All of that *works!* But it only works so far.
"Mr. Saotome's told Ranma that if he doesn't marry Akane, he'll have
no honor. So Ranma gets to choose, which will make him more miserable?
Marrying Akane or not having any honor? Both our dads have told him the
engagement's got to work or else. Well, the `or else' mostly means they
won't treat him well at all. So Ranma gets to decide whether having our
fathers hate him could hurt more than the way Akane treats him. You're
nice to him, but demand in turn that he does nice things for Akane. But
if Akane makes his life hell every time he tries to be nice to her
pretty soon he won't do it. It's not worth it to *anyone* to get ten yen
only to pay out a hundred, and then do the same deal over and over
again."
Nabiki sighed loudly. "The plain fact of the matter is that our
sister treats him like low grade garbage and expects him to put up with
it. Frankly, I can't see *anything* she's done that could be considered
a deposit. I know I'm not there for most things, but even when she does
him a favor it seems like she finds a way to make it hurt. To be honest
I think Ranma was just desperate for friends when he got here, and so he
was willing to throw a HUGE balance into the first account anyone cared
to open with him. But no matter how huge the opening balance, when you
make nothing but withdrawals sooner or later you're going to wind up
empty."
"So are you saying that not even honor will make this happen?"
Kasumi asked in concern.
"NONSENSE!!!" Genma appeared, shouting in the middle daughter's
face. "My boy will *never* turn his back on honor!
Nabiki crawled up from where she'd fallen backwards. "Do the math
yourself, Mr. Saotome. If you say `if you value this, you'll do that'
often enough, and if `that' just becomes unbearable, then sooner or
later he'll decide he doesn't care about whatever `this' is."
"So we've got to keep Akane from putting her account in the
negative." Soun rejoined the conversation.
Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Too late, daddy." She rose to her feet and
began exiting the room. "Him walking away like that was an overdraft
penalty. He's already decided he's not going to marry her for honor, and
he's not going to do it for his mom or for us either. Frankly, judging
by the look he gave on the way out, I think her account's been canceled.
And I *really* don't think my sister can be nice enough to start another
with him."
"But I'm *sure* that Akane loves him!" Soun protested.
"HE has made more deposits than withdrawals, so *his* account with
*her* is positive. SHE has been content to do nothing but hurt him. As
far as *he's* concerned Akane can go suck pond water."

*****
Heaven

"A rather perceptive Nabiki, isn't she?" Urd winked.
"Yes, I'm glad she listened to that book I loaned her. She can be
very kind when she understands the reasons for being that way."
The two goddesses watched on a screen bound on all sides by living
branches as two universes met and began to collide, the dominant traits
of each overcoming the weakest of the other.
Universes merging would be a great spectacle save for the fact that
such events happened as often as them spinning off from each another.
One or two extra divine beings paused to watch this one, though.
Even in the case of something as common as a sunrise, a truly
spectacular one can draw attention.

*****
The Short-Lived Universe and Universe C

Not many people are able to tell when universes collide.
The change swept over the Tendo household, leaving in its wake a
fourth daughter, reducing Kasumi's age by a year and effecting minor
changes on the house itself, such as the addition of an extra girl's
room and changing records that reflected Akane as now the
next-to-youngest.
And, as usual, the change went completely unremarked upon.
"Well, I can perfectly understand. I mean, she treats him like
garbage, why *shouldn't* he walk? I woulda done it *months* ago."
Kasumi clucked at her new youngest sibling. "Now Serena, you know
how much it upsets daddy when you talk like that. And I'm sure Ranma
really cares for Akane."
Serena snorted, rolling onto her belly. "Once maybe. But even if
they were *destined* to be together I still woulda given her the finger
and jammed if I were him. I mean, like, she's so totally cruel. Have you
ever, like, any *one* of you, seen her do something nice for him? I'm
sure that's what Nabs was talking about."
Kasumi paused. She could think of times, but there was also the fact
that Akane did her best to act uncaring even when she *did* do something
for Ranma. And those times where she acted with good intent always had
some drawback. Like her cooking for him. Even Kasumi couldn't admit that
to be a loving act, not after the thirtieth time. Only a willful refusal
to see could have prevented Akane from learning her food was toxic.
After all, she ate it often enough herself...
...but only *after* forcing it on Ranma.
"Hmph," Soun grunted disapprovingly. "Well, it's not as if anyone
else wanted the scarred cripple. Ranma should be grateful that my
daughter was willing to marry someone as hideous as he is."
That made her feel bad just thinking about it. Serena went to get
her cat, going up to her room to talk with the feline, landing on her
bed and ranting in the solitude of her
purposefully-messy-because-it's-more-private-that-way bedroom.
"Hey, it's not as if it's Ranma's fault that his father's totally
Mr. Bu Fu'd over all these skanky training techniques. I mean, barf me
out! Okay, so he's a little grisly, and he's a bit of a marv, but you
only want to put a bag over his head `cause his father's this total
dweebmeister about this totally nauseating stuff. It's like, only
slightly obvious (I mean, only so clear that Stevie Wonder could see it)
that without all those scars he'd be a vicious dude, a real babe."
The cat blinked.
"Would you mind repeating that in a language I can understand,
Serena?"

Ranma was walking down the street when the change came. He was
equipped to notice.
As the alterations struck Ranma lurched. His left arm now ended in a
stump slightly above the elbow, and his body felt like divots had been
taken out of it all over. One of his legs had become shorter, and into
him poured traumatic memories of hours under the surgeon's knife
attempting, sometimes without great hope, to save his life.
And he remembered the lions that had mauled his body, with his
father looking on.
Suffering now from a pronounced limp, Ranma noted the trenchcoat and
turtleneck he was now wearing, and adjusted his gait so that the limp
was not obvious. Pulling the hat a little closer about his head, he
immediately found cover, ran a hurried assessment, and performed a
search of the memories just implanted.
No scars on his face. That was a miracle. The rest of his body was
mangled, with martial arts training serving partially to offset the
deformities. He remembered his mother believed him to be dead, and had
demanded the suicide of Genma because of it. Genma had fled and then
joined the yakusa, who had use for a man willing to maim his own son.
Nodoka hadn't had any problem getting a divorce.
Jusenkyo had happened, and because his female form was significantly
less scarred than his male one he could remember having spent the bulk
of his time in it. However, they'd never visited the amazons and since
they'd been living under an assumed name, none of the early fiancees,
Kaori and Ucchan usually, had found them.
Which meant nobody but the Tendos knew about all this.
Suited Ranma perfectly, but it *did* set his acquired knowledge from
Nabiki back a bit. Everything that had just happened he probably
remembered differently than anyone else who'd been involved in it.
Well, *some* things remained the same. However it'd happened,
whatever the reason, he *had* bested Happosai that morning.
He took out the Naban Mirror and thought about it.
After considering his request, he found it easy enough to summon a
tear. With a wistful smile and *lots* of experience, Ranma spoke to the
now glimmering mirror. "Take me back five minutes ago, to where I can
become completely cured of infirmity in the most expedious way possible
without ill effect."
Appearing suddenly in the air five hundred yards above Jusenkyo,
Ranma ruefully thought that while not intelligent as such, the mirror
was still *awfully* spiteful. Whether or not he'd live to get whatever
cure there was here was entirely up to him. As he fell Ranma could feel
the unimprinted pools tugging at him, pulling him toward that side of
the valley.
One pool of Drowned Mangled Martial Artist coming up.
Seeing as he was a specialist in mid-air combat who could out-fight
many flying creatures. It was simple enough for Ranma in the seconds he
had to identify the pools most strongly drawing him, and use their
influence to somewhat counteract each other.
Unfortunately, this left him aiming straight for one of the cursed
pools.
There was perhaps nobody else in the world who could have done it,
but Ranma further adjusted his fall and grabbed hold of a pole as he
angled past. That it turned out to be weakened by rot and snapped under
his grasp should be no surprise to anyone.
"NoooOOOOO....." *Splash* "Gurgle."
The Guide looked up from where some Amazons were about to judge a
challenge fight, which the scream had interrupted.
"Who die, great grandmother?" One of the amazon participants asked
of the judge.
"I have no idea, Shampoo. Just that he hadn't died from the terror
of so long a drop says something of him. Where do you suppose he could
have fallen from?"
Alternating sensations of hot and cold flashed through Ranma's body
as he hit the bottom and looked up at the sparkling surface above him. A
familiar shifting and altering of his physical self proved that this was
a cursed pool, and not one seeking to drown and make an imprint from
him.
Before the relief could manifest, a sensation besides that of the
hot/cold flaring penetrated. Something hard was lying beneath him. Ranma
grabbed the object, and pried it loose from the surrounding mud. A
moment later he broke the surface.
"A shield?" An odd circular design with a star in the center. He
noted how incredibly light the object was and pushed a length of blonde
hair away from his face.
Ranma froze for a moment then grabbed a strand of hair to examine
it. Blonde?
"Oh, too bad sir, you fall in Spring Of... Drowned...?" The Guide
blinked. The pool was steaming? Sir was still a sir? That *used* to be
the spring of Drowned Pustulant Swamp Creature. Looking over the figure
stepping out of the pool the Guide decided that he might want to take a
dip later.
Ranma had emerged from the steaming pool as the shining definition
of lean muscle mass and perfect proportions. From his blond hair and
blue eyes to the well defined tip of his smallest toe he'd acquired a
modest kind of heroic beauty that spoke of millions available in the
modeling industry.
His clothes had shredded with his growth from smallish Japanese to
largish American, but for his part, Ranma was glad enough to have two
arms and whole flesh again.
Cologne wondered why it was suddenly so hot and steamy in the
valley, most of the rest of the amazons were already deciding pecking
order.
Behind Ranma, the bottom of the pool inverted itself to become a
small hillock. A man in oriental-styled, close-fitting armor flew up
nearby. "How stupid of me, I should have done that when I created that
pool. It never occurred to me, after I'd *drowned* many of my enemies
here, that the magic of the pools could be used to raise them up again."

Ranma finished assessing his new form and looked up at the man,
narrowing his eyes. "Who are you?"
The man swirled his cape. "I am Mandarin. And considering what pool
you've fallen into, I'll make you an offer. Serve me and I'll treat you
well."
A bargaining smirk forced its way to Ranma's lips. "Yeah? What kind
a service, for what kinda reward? You'll forgive me, but there're people
who'll abuse both if you aren't clear. There are some tribes that
consider roasting you alive as treating you alot better than feeding
your flesh to insects."
Mandarin's lips quirked in amusement. "Interesting. I'll have to try
that out. But in exchange for your unquestioning loyalty to me, I will
repay you with riches beyond your imagining. Oh, and you can also have
as many of these amazons as you like. I was just about to defeat them
and subjugate their tribe to my servitude."
"Ah." Ranma responded. Okay, a guy who leads his enemies to Jusenkyo
and drowns them, thinks feeding people to bugs should be amusing, and
demands loyalty while enslaving women. Yah, he could safely classify
this one as a Bad Guy.
"Who gets to decide which amazon belongs to whom? And how many other
minions would they have to be split between?"
"Oh, I don't care. I'll let you fight for it, if you want. That
should be amusing. And while I'll insist on the cream of the village for
myself, you could have as many of the remainder as you want. There's
plenty to go around."
"Can I have that cute... Great Lightning Trident!!!"
Ranma called out his favorite attack phrase and quite nearly caught
Mandarin by surprise with it. The supervillain had been keeping close
guard however and had not quite been caught undefended. The trifoil beam
of energy splashed and shook against an impenetrable force field around
the villain.
"Foolish boy, what did you gain by that?"
Ranma's eyes narrowed. Not much. He'd taken down stronger foes with
less, but he'd *not* expected so strong a magical defense. Mandarin
raised one bejeweled hand and began pointing with a ring. Ranma didn't
need to be told that what came out of it would probably not be good for
him.
The field of cold that followed lived up to his expectations.
As Mandarin followed cold with light, heat, electricity and fire
Ranma was unavoidably reminded of his first fight with Akane. The guy
kept throwing stuff from his magic rings that came about as close to
connecting as Akane's blows had. When Ranma pressed the attack, however,
the guy would rely on his force field to defend him, and so far the
martial artist couldn't find any weaknesses in it.
Of course, trying to gave him a good estimate of the new
capabilities of his transformed state. Strength was about the same,
acrobatics were alot easier, which he found surprising given his
increased mass, and his reach was alot better.
In all, alot better than he'd expected given the nature of this
place.
Mandarin realized very quickly that he was outmatched in close
combat and, given how mobile Ranma was, staying out of range even with
flight was not terribly easy. Remaining behind his armor's force field
was not appealing, as it gave him limits on the uses of his rings and
the increase in his fighting strength given by the field was useless as
he'd yet to successfully strike the martial artist.
So Mandarin did what any bad guy would do in a stalemate. He
cheated.
Ranma got bad vibes when a ring Mandarin hadn't used before began to
glow. When the guy looked like he might laugh Ranma got nervous, and
when suddenly a bonbori blow nearly caught him from behind he got
concerned.
Shampoo had stalked up on him, and proceeded to lay into Ranma with
all that she had. He only had to look into the amazon's eyes to know
that the guy had her under some form of mind control.
A sudden blast from behind told him that Mandarin had saved his best
for last. Bolts of concussive force rained down, shattering ground and
spilling ponds. Ranma was forced to disable Shampoo and carry her away
to save her from a multiple splash of assorted cursed waters.
Mandarin laughed. "My. The pond certainly acted swiftly. I wouldn't
have expected saving the innocent reflexes to form in anyone from merely
a little dunking. I wonder how many skills and attributes you've gained,
boy? I certainly never saw my *old* opponent throwing energy blasts like
you've done. What other abilities had he managed to keep hidden from
me?"
Ranma laid Shampoo down and smiled, then tried to crack his knuckles
and had to frown. Whoever'd drowned in that spring must've felt the
habit beneath him. While he knew it was a bad one Ranma still felt
somewhat cheated.
Silently resigned that he'd now have to abandon one of his few
vices, and oddly puzzled by the surge of accomplishment that design
brought with it, Ranma removed an item from stuffspace and confronted
the hovering Mandarin.
"Not so many as you'd think." He said, grinning. "All I needed was
to fight you. Now this device will have recorded all your powers and
I've only to give it to the master sorcerer who created it to give him
the ability to counter all your abilities. You are finished, Mandarin.
Your every defense, every attack will be known to him when he comes to
destroy you."
The Chinese villain's eye's flew wide. He thrust out a hand and
Ranma nearly didn't dodge whatever it was that vaporized the ground and
left a mid-sized crater where he'd been.
"Finish him!" Mandarin called, enslaving the mind of yet another
amazon. Ranma purposefully sneered at her and, laughing, dodged all her
attacks while the villain himself began to fume. In moments Ranma was
leaping and cavorting and dodging himself as the head man followed him
himself, flinging bolts of every kind and element.
Following him right where Ranma wanted to go.
"What?!!" The supervillain cried as his feet stuck to the surface of
a pool he'd intended to float by. The magical energies of the spring
began to swirl and the water of the pool began to climb up his body,
dragging him down in. "What's happening!?!"
Ranma stood with crossed arms and sad eyes. "Exactly what you did to
others. The springs at Jusenkyo draw the unusual or the unique to them,
you know that. You even *said* you'd used that to destroy your enemies.
I figured you'd used your flying power to evade them before, but the
closer you get, the stronger the pull. " He tossed a wave off one
shoulder. "Once you bear a curse or two, the springs aren't interested.
So I was able to go as close as I needed to to get you into an
unimprinted pool. Spring of Drowned Chinese Supervillain sounds about
right."
Mandarin stared in disbelieving fury. Appalled that the trick had
been used against him. "But you can't *do* that! You're a hero. Heroes
aren't allowed to permit death. Save me! I beg of you!"
Sighing, Ranma picked up a bamboo pole. Then he jabbed the man under
the water with it, pinning him to the spring's floor. "Sorry," he spoke
to the surface of the pond. "But no matter the reason, assisting evil is
not a good act. I found that a long time ago, and paid for it. And what
of the harm you'd do to others if I'd been stupid enough to save you,
huh? Aren't I responsible for them as well? Letting you rape and
enslave women I'm sworn to protect is *alot* worse than killing you to
stop it. If I fell into the kind of moral trap you'd just laid for me
there's no way I'd ever win. Some kinda hero *I'd* be.
"Besides, seeing justice done to an admitted murderer *is*
preventing death. You can't kill any more people, therefore, I've saved
lives."
Ranma frowned, rolling a taste around in his mouth. "Sheesh, I sound
like I'm in a bad play." He tossed the pole away from him when the body
had stopped struggling and an appropriate extra minute had passed for
security. He turned to see Cologne confronting him, holding out a piece
of paper.
He took it. "Uh, what's this?"
"Oh, nothing much." Cologne hopped a few steps away. "Just a death
sentence for the man you'd just killed. In case your conscience needed
it." She stabbed a look back at him over her shoulder. "Now would you
mind explaining why you came here, and how you managed to know so much
about these cursed springs?"
He laughed softly. "For purely selfish reasons, and I'd heard a tale
or two. Now if you'll excuse me..." Ranma pulled out a shovel and began
to fill in the spring of drowned chinese supervillain.
"What are you *doing*? Didn't you just create that?"
"Yup." He continued his work. "And so I know that as soon as I turn
my back on it someone who dislikes me will fall into it. I know the
rules." He finished destroying the spring and patted the earth on top of
it.
"Oh, well do you know the rule about anyone destroying one of these
springs bringing a curse upon him that his life will never be free of
them?" The matriarch softly rebuked.
"Of course! What do you take me for, a fool?" He turned on her
happily. "But I've lived two thousand years under one Jusenkyo curse or
another. I've had no less than fifteen different ones (and let me tell
you, spring of drowned cat gave me quite a turn when I fell into it way
back when). I figure I've been living that anyway, I can deal with it
now."
"Oh, I see. Well, what of that artifact that the sorcerer gave you?
Shouldn't that be returned, now that you've defeated his opponent?"
Ranma leaned over and handed the object to her. "A hairbrush. Want
it?"
Cologne fell off her stick.
He smiled.
He'd no sooner turned his back than Ryoga fell on the blank earth
where the spring of chinese supervillain had been.

To Be Continued...

************************************************
************************************************

Author's Notes:

Tra la la la la la. Ahem. Okay, in spite of my timely warning, many
of you will have already warmed up your flamethrowers and be tempted to
call in favors from your local meat packing plants so that you could set
up cow skulls on poles all over my lawn.

I assure you that none of this is necessary. I have quite enough cow
skull poles left over from the last time. My neighbors are becoming
increasingly worried that I may give their occult voodoo rites a bad
image. The lady with the infinite tattoos of gore and carnage spiraling
all over her body is especially concerned, and has warned me that they
may be in poor taste.

Not the tattoos, the skull poles.

So, since there are only so many tasteful uses for the poor things,
and since I can't think of one, I must make the request of you that all
replies be G rated. Thank you.

For the followers of Akane, I stole practically *all* of the dialog
for the argument scenes. The winner who can guess where will get his own
wiffle bat pending the fall of evil in the world and assuming I can
scrounge up the change at the time.

As for the rest of you, who do *not* pay homage to her, nor demand
weekly sacrifices of fanfiction, no, I don't think badly of her. I'd
just as soon fewer of her adherents invested in cow skulls.

Anyway, two best sites for the finding of my fanfiction:

Mirrors Multiplied Homepage by Celeste Byrd
Attractive, Occasionally Current, and Best Source of Available Rewrites:

http://www.fortunecity.com/skyscraper/seagate/131/mirrors/

Moon Romance Page by Luna & Artemis
Elegant, No Rewrites, But Cutting Edge on Normal Releases:
http://solo.abac.com/moonromance/o/mirrmu.htm

For those of you wishing to reach mine zelf (no, *not* with sharp,
pointy sticks. Go amuse yourselves in the slime) I am jared who is found
at netuser dot communist, except that it's not a red flag waving
socialist philosophy and my name is not jared-who-is-found. I'm sure
that if you apply a little intelligence that you'll work it out just
fine.

Anyone know where can Zen be found? I've got a few extra skull poles
that he can borrow, just in case he's gotten too few from his own
adoring fans. When is Long and Winding Three coming out anyway? Anybody
know? Asking him would probably be the polite thing to do. So much so
that I may even consider doing it.