Tittle: He never knew.
Author: Ana-chan
Summary: What I first thought of a certain man, and my opinion as time went on.
A/N: I had been pondering all day why exactly I was attracted to this particular member of Weiß and started writing. This took me about 20 minutes and is one of my first introspective writings on anyone. Hope you enjoy!!!!
And if you can't figure it out by the first paragraph, then you don't know much about Weiß......
HE NEVER KNEW.
I saw him first, surrounded by women. His handsome smile flashing. Emerald eyes sparkling as he laughed. I disliked him for his easiness, his flirtatious attitude. His younger, darker haired friend interested me more. His kind eyes and friendly personality. His soccer loving attitude captivated me more than the flirts. But more and more my attention was drawn to the playboy.
My sources told me of a tragic past. A lover dying. A heart breaking. I read reports of his past and wept for his pain. I looked into those emerald eyes and was caught in the wish for someone who understood. But I did not. I could only watch as he constantly battled for a reason to keep going. To continue his life.
I watched his habits and realized they were a safety. He hid behind his smile, those sunglasses, that cigarette. He hid his need for understanding behind his flirting, his desire for love behind one-night-stands. I longed to help him, but he never saw my efforts.
He was a hunter of the night. Practiced at killing, but wanting more. He was surrounded by those who cared, but in his mind he was alone. He wanted to be loved, wanted, understood. He didn't want just a friend. He wanted one he could confide in. Someone he could trust with the secrets of his past, of his heart.
It took me forever, but I found the reason he intrigues me so. We share a similar past. The separation of family. The loss of friends. The death of one close. The loneliness of having no one who understands. He reminded me of me. And I knew if he could live, so could I. I realized he was like a shadow. Older, more experienced, but so much the same inside. Full of pain that no one could be told of, because the pain was so much a part of us it would hurt more to be parted with it.
And so we lived on, not aware of what was around us. Me trying to find that reason to live on.... and wishing I could give him one. Him not even aware of my presence at his side as he flirted, as he lived, as he killed..... and as he died. I hung my head in sadness as his life flowed away like blood. And my only regret as I live to this day, was he never knew I loved him. That he never could know I cared. And that he never knew I knew his name and who he really was:
Kudoh Youji. Balinese. Weiß.
~~~owaru~~~
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