James Cameron and Charles Eglee own Dark Angel. My use is in no way meant to challenge their copyrights. This piece is not intended for any profit on the part of the writer, nor is it meant to detract from the commercial viability of the aforementioned (or any other) copyright. Any similarity to any events or persons, either real or fictional, is unintended (and would really be sorta whacked, given some of the events and persons depicted herein).
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XVI – Confrontations & LamentationsAlec woke with a start, gazing around his dark apartment, his eyes quickly drawn to the muted television set showing a man fighting a humanoid lizard in what appeared to be some low-budget alien world setting. Ooh, Star Trek, he thought happily. And this is a good one, too. Shatner's the man!
"Alec," a voice called out from near the apartment's doorway. Alec had his gun drawn and his sights set on the middle of the intruder's forehead before he even recognized Joshua.
"Shouldn't go sneakin' up on me like that," he advised, relaxing his body back onto the couch. "You could get hurt that way."
"We need to talk."
"Well then pull up a seat," Alec offered, gesturing to the recliner that sat a few feet from the couch. "You want somethin' to drink?" he added as he poured himself a glass of Jim Beam.
"No." Joshua hadn't moved an inch; he remained a few strides from the entrance, glaring at Alec.
"So what's the matter? You seem really serious tonight." Too serious, Alec decided. The last time Joshua was acting like this, it was because he was all pissed off about me whacking White without Max's say-so.
"I know," Joshua stated. Alec's stomach dropped; he knew in his heart that Joshua was referring to the assault on Zack's headquarters.
"Know what?" he asked innocently, deciding that he would at least force Joshua to say what he knew. I'll be damned if I'm gonna volunteer any information. If he knows anything, let him tell me. Let him prove it.
"I talked to McElroy," Joshua responded. "He said you knew where the strike against Zack was gonna be. He said someone from outside opened fire first."
"Huh?"
"Not one of the Black Omegas," Joshua clarified. "Someone else. Someone else shot Zack, and that made everyone wig out."
"Is that what happened?" Alec asked, still playing the part of the innocent man, though he was certain Joshua didn't believe a word of it. "I know almost all of Zack's people were killed, but I heard that the Black Omegas were the ones who screwed up."
"Where you hear that?" Joshua asked, obviously knowing that Alec wouldn't be able to back up his story. "All of Zack's people were rounded up – they haven't talked to anyone. The Black Omegas aren't gonna say they screwed up. So who'd you hear that from?" Silence reigned for several minutes as Alec ran through scenario after scenario, trying to decide how to deal with the situation.
"Fine," Alec finally muttered. "So what?"
"So what?!" Joshua growled. "You killed Zack!"
"And I say again – so what?"
"He was one of us," Joshua replied angrily. Okay, maybe coming clean without anyone else around to hold back Joshua wasn't the best idea I could have had.
"He was dead, anyway," Alec tried to explain, hoping to defuse some of his friend's ire. "They would have tried him, found him guilty of terrorism, and they would have executed him," Alec reasoned. "Maybe what I did wasn't the best thing, but I definitely had more right to kill Zack than anyone else did. We're transgenics – we can take care of our problems in-house. No reason to start dragging the government into this, Joshua. They may have created us, and raised us, and trained us, but no matter what some people think, the government does not own us. They don't have the right to judge and execute us."
"That's not what Max thinks."
"Max is dreaming," Alec muttered. "She doesn't know it yet, but she'll never see the world she's trying to create."
"Not if her own people keep advancing their own…" his voice trailed off and his face screwed up as he searched for the right word. "Agendas," Joshua finally spat, finding the right word to express his rage. "How is she supposed to get anything done if you keep killing people behind her back? First White, then Zack . . . is there anyone else?"
"I was cleaning up her messes," Alec explained. "Max is fighting the good old idealistic fight, and that's fine for her. But sometimes following the rules will only let people walk all over you, Joshua. You gotta know that."
"You're wrong," Joshua responded stubbornly, shaking his head. "Max is right."
"You agreed with me that White had to die," Alec reasoned, deciding that a step-by-step explanation might help him break through Joshua's narrow-minded perception of Max's decisions.
"That was different."
"No it wasn't," Alec said. "Sure, White was a bad man, and it would have been okay for you to kill him for everything he did. But that's not why I killed him. I didn't kill him because of Annie. I didn't kill him because of what he did to me, or you, or Max, or any other transgenic. There was nothing personal about it – it was all business. I killed him because he was an obstacle, just like Zack was." And so what if I enjoyed blasting White's skull into a thousand pieces? Nothing to say I can't find pleasure in something just because it's business.
Joshua just stared, the wheels inside his mind clearly creaking along as he struggled to follow Alec's reasoning. Give him a few seconds, Alec told himself. Joshua's been around the block a few times, but he doesn't have experience betraying his friends. This isn't something I want to rush him into.
"An obstacle?" Joshua finally asked.
"White was a respected federal agent," Alec explained. "He'd been on television, he appeared before Congress. People believed him when he said we were monsters. As long as someone like him spoke against us, supported not only by his authority as a law enforcement officer but also by supposed years of experience dealing with us, no one would ever believe we were on the level."
"On the level…"
"They wouldn't think we were being honest," Alec clarified. "Besides, White knew too much about us. He could exploit weaknesses no one else knew about. He had to be eliminated. The fact that he was an evil son of a bitch just cleared up any moral ambiguity in my decision." Joshua stood motionlessly, pondering Alec's words.
"And Zack?" He was obviously challenging Alec to come up with some kind of plausible explanation for visiting on a transgenic the same fate he'd given one of their greatest enemies.
"He was a good man," Alec admitted, "and I wish he could have seen the end of this with the rest of us; but that's not what he wanted."
"Huh?"
"Zack wanted to be a martyr," Alec argued. "He was all about the cause. Just like he would have died for Max after the attack on Gillette, he wanted to die rather than be taken alive when the time finally came. Remember who Zack was – he risked everything to flee Manticore when he was just a kid. He put his life on the line every time one of us was in danger. Prison would have killed him, Joshua. He would have preferred death. Besides, he would have really hated being put on trial, letting the government and the ordinaries think they have some kind of power over us. You understand?"
"I understand," Joshua said with a sigh. "I understand that you're out of control. Maybe you're right about Zack . . . but it wasn't your decision to make. Right or wrong, Max's orders are all we have to guide us. It's over for you."
"Huh?" Alec muttered. He didn't like the unmistakable finality in his friend's voice. "You're gonna tell Max?" His mind raced along as he sought a solution to this problem, a way to squirm out of yet another uncomfortable predicament. Tell Max? he asked himself. What the hell is wrong with me? I fear the worst, and the most terrible thing that comes to mind is Max finding out what I've done? What the hell ever happened to Joshua killing me himself, here and now, as the worst thing? "Let me tell her," he offered before he'd even thought the idea through. "I'll do it myself." Joshua seemed to consider the proposal, but Alec could tell his friend was not too comfortable with the idea.
"I don't know…"
"Just give me twenty-four hours," Alec responded. "I know this is something you want her to know soon . . . I can understand that. So just give me twenty-four hours to tell her, k? If I don't say anything by then, you can tell her yourself." Joshua was still remaining silent, still thinking it over. I better keep talking, Alec decided. As long as I'm talking I'll be okay. "Just give me 'til tomorrow night, after the press conference. Is that so much to ask?"
"No, I guess not," Joshua said far too quickly. He feels guilty about being the bad guy in this, Alec decided. He doesn't want to be the one to have to tell Max. Maybe that'll give me some room to maneuver a little bit.
"Thanks," Alec replied grimly. "I owe you one."
"Just tell her," Joshua grumbled. "I don't want anything from you. Just tell Max what you did. Tell her you killed one of her best friends." Alec shuddered at the words, the uncharacteristic cruelty in Joshua's voice, but before he could say anything in response, Joshua had already turned to leave. Alec gladly let him go without saying another word.
Oh, sure . . .I'll tell Max, he thought miserably once he was alone again. I can hear it now. "Gee, how's it goin' Max? Nice day, huh? Good to actually see the sun for once. Oh, and by the way, you remember Zack? You know – the guy who led you to freedom from Manticore, who swooped in to save your ass so many times in the past couple of years, who loved you so much that he blew his own brains out so that you'd have a chance to live? Yeah, well… I killed him the other night. Yep, got most of his soldiers killed, too. How's that for efficient – one bullet and I got two dozen transgenics whacked. You wanna go get some ice cream or somethin'?"
Yeah, that would work out just fine. In one fluid, practiced motion, Alec gulped down the rest of the Beam in his glass and quickly refilled it, enjoying the warmth that spread down his throat and into his stomach. There's gotta be a way to sugarcoat it somehow, Alec mused. He turned the facts over in his head time and time again, only to continually reach the same conclusion – there's no way in hell I can sugarcoat this. I'm screwed. I'm so screwed.
But am I really out of control? That was a question he'd purposely been avoiding, the one question that had plagued him every moment of every day, ever since he'd first learned about Ben. Nature or nurture? Which one was it that drove him crazy? Was he just hard-wired to flip out and become a serial killer, or did life put so much pressure on him that he finally snapped? Or was it maybe a combination of the two? Was he walking a fine line until he was placed under too much stress? Was it anything like the stress I'm facing now? Am I going to end up going crazy? Have I already gotten there? And if I haven't, do I have any chance of avoiding it? "Stop!" he yelled at himself. "Stop obsessing about it!"
Alec drained and topped off the glass again, his eyes already starting to drift toward the kitchen, where an unopened bottle of bourbon was promising to keep him comfortably inebriated through the night, freeing him from the specter of introspection. Don't dwell on all that stuff, he told himself. There're far more important things to worry about right now – like how I'm gonna deal with the whole Zack thing. I'm so screwed, he concluded once more, his stomach bottoming out as he reached that uncomfortable conclusion. And of course, I deserve to be screwed, he decided. I did kill Zack. I did get his people all but wiped out. It's all my fault, and Max shouldn't ever forgive me for what I did. Right or wrong, I was wrong. She's never gonna forgive me. Hell, she'll never even understand why I did it, why it was even necessary, or how it'll help us in the long-term.
Alec planted his face in his hands, rubbing his temples to try to ease the confusion that was plaguing his mind. And if I can't ever get her to understand, and if I can't get her to forgive me, why the hell should I even bother telling her? he wondered. What do I have to gain by even trying to explain why I did what I did? His eyes darted around the room as he took a mental inventory of everything he had that could easily be carried. Oh, to hell with it all, he finally decided. Just a year ago I didn't own anything more than the clothes on my back. I did all right for myself quickly enough, and I can do it again. I'll just leave.
Even as he made his decision, though, he began to reconsider. But what about Max? he wondered. Who's gonna watch her six? Who's gonna take care of her? And just when the hell did that become so important? he asked himself. Jeez, I'm so pathetic.
"I've so gotta get outta Dodge," he muttered. And leave all this behind? he asked himself. As if to answer his own question, he scanned the apartment again, looking for something – anything – that could convince him he was better off staying. No, nothing here, he reminded himself. It's Max. You can't leave her.
"No," he told himself firmly. "I'm not even going down that road again. We're not like that. We're not that way." He smiled despite himself, amused at how much his denials reminded him of the way Max always sounded when she talked about her relationship with Logan. Yeah, sure . . . she and robo-boy aren't like that. And you don't feel that way about her, either. "But I can't stay," he told himself. "Whether I want to or not, it's too late to even think about it." Joshua knows, and he's gonna tell Max. Once she knows, she'll never speak to you again, regardless of how you feel about her. And that's if she doesn't rip your head off just on principle.
"I have to leave," he decided. "I'm done in Seattle. No sense staying even farther beyond my welcome." I guess I have twenty-four hours to leave, he decided. After that, Joshua's gonna tell Max everything. Twenty-four hours… Alec thought it all through, and decided that he would leave right after the press conference. I'll stand with her as she gets her formal introduction to the world. After that, she'll have all the help she'll need… She won't need me anymore after tomorrow, anyway.
To be continued………………………………