Disclaimer:
All Characters belong to Henson and Company
Rating:
NC-13
Feedback:
Always welcome. Ephitania@hotmail.com
Setting:
The past and the present.
This might be a tough read, because it flips back and forth from past to present. John's memories are in italicized & bold. His private thoughts are italicized. All present thoughts, and dialogue are in plain font. Sorry!
Blame my muse on a wonderful video: "Deliver me" by Birthsister
Thank you BS.
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"Deliver Me" By Phi Phi "Le Trelk"
Deliver me out of my sadness. Deliver me from all of the madness. Deliver me courage to guide me. Deliver me strength from inside me.
All of my life, I've been in hiding, wishing there was someone just like you. Now that you're here, now that I've found you; I know that you're the one to pull me through.
Sara Brightman
Compliments to 'Birthsister',
for an excellent video.
He sat quietly watching the sky. It was a clear day, a perfect day. The Sun was shinning and the breeze was soft. A perfect day, but he was alone. How could things have gone so wrong? How? It seemed like yesterday when he'd met her...his guiding star. She'd kicked his ass but she'd still brightened his day...
"Hi...uh my name is John.." He'd held out his hand in greeting. Why did he think it was going to be that simple? One moment he was walking towards her and the next he was staring up from the floor in pain, with the most beautiful face staring down at him.
"What is your rank and regiment and why are you out of uniform? Rank and regiment now!" He'd caught a breather when she'd turned to command Sparky to let her out. "Let me out of here you Hynerian Slug!"
Sparky didn't even blink. "Your efforts a wasted Peacekeeper! You of all people should know that."
"Peacekeeper? You're one of those out there attacking the ship. You think that I'm one of you?"
"Officer Aeryn Sun, Special Peacekeeper Commando, Icarion Company, Pliesar regiment. Identify yourself!"
"My rank is Commander, I'm not military at least not any military you know. I'm a damn scientist."
John smiled and continued his memories... the only thing he had left to pass on.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to sabotage the ship."
"Gimme a break, they haven't hurt us. How about we show em a little compassion?"
"Compassion? What is Compassion?"
"You're kidding right?" She hadn't been kidding. "It's a feeling that you have when you see someone else's pain and instead of taking advantage of their weakness, you help em."
"Oh...ah I know this feeling. I hate it."
John chuckled. She may have hated it in the beginning, but she'd learned how to express compassion for her friends and even the odd little critter. She'd come so far and learned so much about friendship, family and love. Oh his Aeryn...his beautiful Aeryn. She'd been like a child in her blossoming.
"Aeryn! Haven't you every just clicked with a guy?"
"What? Clicked?"
"Yeah, you know, found a guy attractive."
"Yes but...in the beginning I found you...interesting!"
"Me?"
"Yes but only for a moment!"
He hadn't been expecting that answer. It was the first time she'd ever let on that she sensed the same attraction. He had to take his time with her. Aeryn's emotions seemed to run hot and cold but there was more and John had no choice but to find out why. He loved her after all...
" Aeryn what's the matter?"
"They are all going home and someday you will too."
"Yeah sure if I ever find my way home."
"I was born a Peacekeeper soldier. I've always been one among many, a member of a division...platoon, a unit...a team. I've never been alone...ever."
"When I find a way home...if I find a way home, I'll take you with me."
"Me, on a planet with billions of you?"
*****************
"Aeryn you should have kept working...finished the repairs. At least one of us would have survived."
"To be sitting here alone now? I chose not to."
"I thought Peacekeepers were trained to fight alone, survive alone...die alone."
"Well it appears my training is failing me. I don't want to die alone."
He could still remember the taste of her lips. Boy D'Argo had the worst sense of timing. It may have been fear of death but it turned from fear to passion in a split microt. They'd begun bonding in more ways than one; John could never leave her.
"You going now?"
"Yeah...Yeah Pilot says we're running out of time."
"I can't go with you."
"Aeryn this could be our only chance!'
"No this is your only chance. I'm not sure I'll belong there,"
"You would...you will...I promise."
"Sorry."
It wasn't until later that he realized that it was fear that had driven her. If he looked back, searched their history, he'd see this was the first time of many when running from emotion was her MO.
Rain...he remembered the rain...she loved the rain. Like a child in a wonderland she'd stuck her tongue out trying to catch every drop of moisture she could. Huh...the little things...
"Aeryn pick up it up, I want to get out of this rain."
"Rain? Is that what you call this? I like it."
**********
"Sorry"
"What for?"
"Everything...for what's happened here, getting you stuck on Moya. If it wasn't for me you'd still be the happy little Peacekeeper dominating the lesser races."
"Hmmm...I've got a lot to blame you for Crichton."
"Look at that."
"What?"
"That's it. Earth minus the sunshine."
"You know you were right. It's actually quite beautiful."
"Were you scared? To join me when I left Moya?"
"Yes. I won't be recaptured Crichton. They will have to kill me if they come to take me tomorrow."
"I know."
Rain...she'd given herself to him in that dim room, surrounded by the sounds of rain in a busy city with danger floating over head like an indelicate mist. He'd wrapped his body around hers lovingly and held her, listening to her faint breathing as she slept afterwards...rain. He would always remember it fondly.
"Aeryn? Aeryn...you there?"
"Aha! Where have you been?"
"On the run. Where are you?"
"I'm trying to get out of here. I didn't know if you were coming back."
"I'd never leave you."
He'd grown so accustomed to the mere sight of her that the thought of leaving her was out of the question.
"I uh...I wasn't going to say good bye."
"Neither was I"
**********
"The last time we stood here, we didn't say good bye."
"And it wasn't good bye as it turned out."
"Here's hoping history repeats itself."
It had taken every ounce of his self-control to keep from snatching her back, away from Crais. She'd returned to Moya, her spirit wounded and he'd done the only thing that a man in love could do and all she a wounded child would allow him to...
"Talyn will be alright, won't he?"
"Well...he's young and he's going to make mistakes, but he'll learn. And if Crais ever mistreats him, he'll bounce him."
"Maybe Crais won't mistreat him. He could have killed me you know. He could have killed all of us but he didn't."
"Yeah, maybe he just needed to save the energy for starburst."
"Or maybe he's changed."
"Huh!"
"Well you do believe people can change, don't you John?"
"Hmm."
"Well?"
"Well you have...I have, but Crais?"
He'd done the only thing that she would allow him to...he'd held her and reassured her. In those quiet moments beneath Pilot's station, she'd allowed him to become more than a shipmate. She allowed him to heal her wounds.
John allowed a wistful smile to cross his face. He remembered the light times, the times when Aeryn had tested her feminine side, a side he liked, and a side only he was privy to.
"I'm sorry, what is that smell?"
"What?"
"It's your hair, it smells..."
'Zhaan gave me something."
"Alright, it smells good. I like it."
"Well it's not for you too like."
"Oh? Then what's it for?"
"For me to like."
"You don't like that I like it?"
"Personal indulgences can fracture a small crew."
"I would never tell them that you that you scented your hair."
She'd let herself go; he could still feel her arms, her soft tongue. Yeah she'd let go but she'd run just as quickly. She was always so scared to let go...
"Why did you do your hair?"
"To see if you'd notice!'
"Standing at attention!"
"Fine, I'll let Zhaan know that you find her oils pleasing."
"It's you that I find pleasing!"
She ran then and he'd run out of ideas to hold on to her.
"I don't know what you're talking about, but there has never been anything we couldn't overcome together."
"Except each other."
**********
"Aeryn, I'm tired. What am I supposed to do? What am I suppose to do when there's no fight left?"
"You run away!"
"With you?"
"With all of us, together."
She'd been so scared to reach out to him, even when he'd laid himself out for the taking. Aeryn...! Instead of facing her fears, she'd retreated once again into the silent Peacekeeper. He could have cried, lord knows he'd given up.
Then suddenly she was there, walking towards him timid and unsure. She moved slowly almost hesitantly towards him. He never made a sound; afraid he might frighten her, this true version of his love. She continued to move slowly, one arm behind her, the other held straight out in front of her. A tiny bottle clasped delicately between two fingers. Two drops...two tongues...one kiss. Nothing had ever tasted so sweet. Their fate sealed with a kiss. Love beyond all hope!
Fate...fate loved to scramble his life. Was he ever allowed happiness? Aeryn...his poor Aeryn, they'd traveled throughout Space, facing all sorts of dangerous encounters. She'd weathered those with just a hint of scar tissue, but it had taken just one visit to his world to destroy her.
John allowed the tears to flow. Tears ...tears he'd shed so many over the last three days. Living in his memories, memories of the one person who'd made him rethink his purpose. The one person he would have gladly died for. No! That wasn't true now there was another....
"John...you came back."
"Yeah, you didn't think I'd miss my kid's birth did ya?"
His baby...oh yes! It was his baby. Good old Pilot never let him down, confirming what no other would.
"Commander?"
"Yes Pilot?"
"I uhhh...I wanted to speak with you, privately.
"Okay, what is it?"
"It's about Aeryn and the baby."
"Yeah? Is something wrong?"
"No but I understand that there is a question involving paternity."
"Yeah, Aeryn isn't sure who the daddy is. She says that she could have conceived three cycles before we met."
"Forgive me Commander but that is not true."
"Meaning?"
"Aeryn was not pregnant when she arrived on Moya."
"How do you know?"
"When Namtar introduced my DNA into Aeryn's system and you and Corinata were able to cure her; Zhaan examined her thoroughly and recorded all findings. Aeryn was not pregnant."
"Okay so she wasn't pregnant then. That just knocks out Veloreck and whoever else got lucky before we met. Okay so that just leaves me or rather me and the other me."
"Again I must interrupt. I can tell you with great certainty that you are the father."
"How? How can you be sure?"
"Because Commander, when Captain Larraq injured Aeryn, Zhaan figured out a way to filter the toxins from Aeryn's blood by attaching her to Moya's internal system. It was the only way to keep her alive while we waited for you to return with the donor tissue. While she was connected to Moya I monitored her internal organs closely. At the time I recorded four heartbeats, Moya, Aeryn, Talyn and Aeryn's child. I must apologize to both you and Aeryn, in all the ensuing excitement; I simply forgot to mention it to Aeryn. When she left to join Talyn I felt I no longer had the right..."
"That's alright Pilot. This news far out ways the oversight! My baby...she's carrying my baby. ALL RIGHT! YEEESSS!"
He and Aeryn had been so damn happy. He walked around with a silly macho grin on his face and Aeryn didn't come down from her 'happy high' for months. Then the wormhole opened and happiness disappeared forever...
"John?"
"Hmmm?"
"We have to get up. D'Argo won't be patient forever. You told him that we'd be back in an arn, it's already been two and a half."
"So I got a little carried away. You make the cutest little noises when I touch you right here..."
"John!"
D'Argo's timing always sucked.
"John! Aeryn! Where the Hezmanna are you two?"
"We're on our way back. Give us half an arn..."
"You've got fifteen microns!"
"You see John, I told you, but nooo." Aeryn laughed softly.
"Yeah right, I'll remember that tonight."
He could still here her husky laughter. That voice, no mere mortal could have been gifted with such a seductive voice. John loved those private afternoons. He and Aeryn would make love, make plans, talk to the baby and even pick out names. It didn't last...it never lasted.
"What's up D?" John watched Aeryn move to read the atmospheric data.
"That!" D'Argo pointed to the large wormhole displayed on the viewer.
John moved closer to the monitor. "Oh man! Pilot?!"
"Yes Commander?" Pilot's voice seemed slightly annoyed.
"Am I reading what I think I'm reading?"
"Yes Commander, that is Earth."
"Pilot, are we able to contact the planet?" Aeryn questioned.
"That is not possible from this distance. We must enter the wormhole and orbit the planet."
Pilot had surprised everyone with that suggestion. Once they 'd made contact fate went wild. With the exception of Scorpius, Nuranti and Rygel, the crew ventured down to the planet. They were welcomed with open arms, or so they thought. The people on earth did have a slight problem with some of the more obvious differences. Skin color, extra body parts and strange eyes. But Aeryn truly terrified them. The government was truly wary of her; an alien who defied all of their preconceived notions of 'little green men', an alien that could pass for human. They seemed to think that there might be an alien plot to infiltrate the human race.
He'd been such a fool! They'd remained on earth for a while, giving John time to reunite with his family and friends. Jack also had a chance to get to know Aeryn. She spoke perfect English with sexiest Sebacean accent; another mark against her as far as the government was concerned. She'd tried so hard to impress his dad and DK that they couldn't help falling in love with her. After a four-month stay Aeryn decided to return to Moya and check on Scorpius and Pilot. She never made it. She disappeared...
They searched for five weeks and came up empty, and then Chiana hit pay dirt! She'd found a lab tech that had bragged about Aeryn's disappearance. The kid had been a hateful little prick, but John had no problem making him talk...
"What's your name son?" John asked casually as D'Argo tighten the young man's bounds.
"Like I'd tell you...like you don't already know!"
"Cute! That's right I do know your name. James! Well what else do I know? I know whom you claim on W-2 as an employer. I know what you do for this employer. I know where you live...hell! I even know your mother's maiden name! You see James, what I don't know, is the whereabouts of Aeryn Sun. Or why you took her!"
"I don't know what you're..."
"Don't! Don't bother! I'd just as soon kill ya, but my dad has a problem with murder. So you really don't want to send me off! NOW WHERE IS SHE?!"
"I got nothing to say!"
"Really?" John charged Winona. "Fine! Have it your way son. I've been places you could only dream of and you know one thing that I realized? Hm? That pain is pain no matter where you are." He aimed the pulse pistol at James.
"If you kill me you won't get anything."
"But you've got nothing to say, remember? So if you aren't good for info, then target practice is cool too. So I won't kill you, just yet, but I will shoot you a few times, toes or fingers?"
"What?"
"See James, we have a real problem here, you're not listening! Do you want me to start shooting off your fingers or your toes?"
"Yeah right..."
"Fine my choice then." John aimed and fired. "I'm so sorry, Aeryn always said my aim was bad. I was trying to get your little finger, didn't mean to take half the hand off. Oh man that's gotta hurt, it must really suck to be you right now." John yelled over James' screams. "Now hush James, or you'll miss my next question and we've already established that you don't listen!"
John stooped down near the drooping head of the whimpering man. "James? JAMES! Aeryn means a lot to me and I'm almost sure you realize that she's pregnant. The media had a field day with that one. I'm sure you don't want to loose your other hand, so why don't you tell me what I need to know, huh?" James continued whimpering. "Fine James, have it your way. You can learn to write with your toes for all I care!"
"STOP! I'll tell you where she is, but it's probably to late. She'll be dead by now and her body parts auctioned off!"
"What, her body parts auctioned?"
"Yeah, there was...was a bounty put out on her head. She's worth seventy- five million dollars per full part. The baby is worth one hundred million intact."
"Son, you and your friends better pray I find her alive with not so much as a hair missing. Because if she's dead then so are all of you. Sick bastards!"
They found her strapped to a table in the basement of a university science building. She was barely breathing, her skin ice cold to the touch. She never opened her eyes once during the rescue. Her captors took one look at D'Argo in hyper-rage and ran. A few let their greed entice them into dying. Aeryn never so much as twitched during the firefight or as John carried her away from that hell. Fate was weaving her destructive magic.
Three days of close calls. Three days! Twice Aeryn had stopped breathing and twice he'd defied heaven and earth by resuscitating her. She opened her eyes after three days and John's true hell began. It started with a scream...
"Was that Aeryn?" Chiana asked staring up at the ceiling.
"Yes! Go out back and get Jack! Now!" D'Argo instructed, rushing up the stairs. He slammed through the bedroom door and stopped short at the sight. Aeryn sat crouched between the wall and the bed. She stared wild- eyed at John, screaming with one arm thrown out to fend him off.
"John what happened?"
"I don't...she woke up, saw me, threw herself across the bed and started screaming! She won't let me near her." He turned back to Aeryn. She was shivering so hard he was afraid she might start convulsing again. "Aeryn, baby let me..."
"N...NO! NO! GO AWAY...GET AWAY FROM ME! P...Pl...Please...I...you...it j...just hurts. P...Please go!"
"Aeryn honey is it the baby? Do you want me to call the doctor again?" John made the mistake of stepping forward, causing Aeryn to slam her body into the wall behind her in an attempt to get away.
John turned to D'Argo, pleading. "D...Please? See if she'll let you help her. She's gonna hurt herself." John left the room quietly, tears running from his eyes.
It hadn't taken long to find out why Aeryn's reaction to John was so severe. Like Pavlov's dog, Aeryn had been conditioned to fear the sight of John. Using holographic images of John, shock therapy, drugs, and other physical tortures, they'd managed to condition Aeryn to associate intense pain with John even the mere thought of him caused pain.
The healing process had been a slow one. The government had increased the security around the house ten fold. Aeryn never left the house alone, she never left the house period. The kidnapping had taken its toll on all of them. Like John after his Aurora Chair experience, Aeryn would never be the same. She'd lost confidence in herself, in her ability to protect herself and the others. She healed but the damage had been done both psychologically and physically...
"John I can't stay here. These people don't want me here."
"I need you here Aeryn, I love you."
"I know John and I love you too but I have to return to Moya. It will be safer for me and the baby...I'd feel safer."
"Okay honey, we'll leave in the morning."
"No John you stay here with your father. You've both missed so much. You know how to get to Moya. There are the pods and I'll leave the Prowler. D'Argo will take me back in Lo'la."
"Aeryn, I am not letting you out of my sight! I can come down here and visit with dad but..."
"No! John listen, stay with your father. We've already decided to break orbit after the baby's born. You must spend as much time here with him as possible before we leave. I love your father too, but I can't stay here. I will not let these people take my child or try to kill us again."
It had taken every ounce of self-esteem that Aeryn had left, to admit that she was afraid to stay on Earth and in the end she'd won. He'd agreed, but his heart bled as she left with the others. He and Jack had visited Moya once a week. Sometimes John would stay a few days, just to be near Aeryn. They would sit quietly and look at the stars. She would allow John to hold her, caress her and love her. It almost seemed as though things were back to normal, as if things had settled down.
Settled? Ha...they were wrong and now he was alone....
"John, you came."
"Of course I came baby. You didn't think I'd miss my kid's birth, did you??"
"I didn't know if you'd make it in time."
"I'd move heaven and earth to be with you baby, remember that baby."
"I will, I love you."
"I love you too."
The birth of their child would always be the single most extraordinary event in John's life. As long as he lived, he would remember holding his baby seconds after birth. He would carry the memory to his grave. He would carry the pictures of each member of the crew holding the baby; his father's smile full of pride and Aeryn's eyes full of love. Their baby was healthy in every way. His heart was not, Aeryn's physical injuries had healed but they'd left their mark.
"Son? It's time to go." Jack entered the room.
"What?" John questioned, his thoughts still in the past, his gaze on the Canal.
"It's time to leave John. Your friends are waiting."
"Aeryn?"
Jack paused for a moment. "She's ready."
For the first time John glanced away from the window. He focused on his father. "How dad?"
Jack knew what John was asking. "One second, one moment, one hour, one day, one week, one month, one year until the pain dulls." Jack smiled softly. "There will be a time when the thought of her only brings a smile in memory of the good times."
"Is that how you did it?"
"I had you and your sister." Jack answered; his heart ached for his child. John had been so lost these past few days.
"I love her so much. How can I let her go? She's my life." John's voice broke.
"Son we..."
"No! I promised her that she'd love it here, that she'd be safe. They had no right to take that promise and turn it into a lie! I lied to the one person who needed the truth more than anyone."
"You did not lie! Aeryn knew that it wasn't your fault. She never blamed you, not once!" Jack couldn't hold back his own tears. "John...son you've got to hold on, if not for yourself, then for her at least."
John's stare fell to Jack's cradled arms. He watched his tiny daughter sleeping quietly in her grandfather's arms, unaware of her father's turmoil. "Huh...she's the spitting image of her mother...those eyes." He reached over and gathered her into his own arms. Kissing her tiny forehead and cheeks lightly, he settled the infant gently into his arms.
Jack smiled at the picture John and his daughter made. The baby was only five days old and already she had everyone wrapped around her tiny finger. "That she does son. She'll always remind you of her mother. Just as you and your sister remind me of your mother."
Jack smoothed John's hair back and kissed his forehead just as John had done to his own daughter. "I'm here for you son. I'm going to check the rest of the house before we leave."
"Dad?" John's voice stopped him at the door.
"Yeah son?"
"Are you sure you want to do this? Moya is not like Earth. Life in Space is incredibly different from life here."
"I know son, but I can always come back. I love your sister more than life itself, but she now has a family and doesn't need me. You're my only son and that's my only granddaughter...my only link to you and Aeryn. I'm not going to miss out on her life, you both need me and I need you." He paused. "John I loved Aeryn too, she was like a daughter to me. I understood her sometimes better than I did you and your sister. I love you John."
'Thanks dad...I love you." He watched Jack leave; the baby squirmed, grabbing his attention. "Well honey, we're leaving now. You'll love Moya and Pilot. They'll be happy to see you again. You were born on Moya. We brought you down here when we brought your mommy...Aeryn. She was such an amazing woman. You'll probably be just like her...not so much attitude though. While I'm used to it, your grandfather may go insane. He's light weight."
"We're gonna have to help each other here darlin. I've never raised a baby before. I'm gonna make some mistakes, but if you have patience, I'll straighten out...I promise.
"Oh honey, what am I gonna do? She's gone and I can't get her back. She tried to hang on but it was too much for her." John took a deep breath. "One second...one minute...one hour...one day...I don't know about that. I don't know if I can. Sweetie, daddy's in a real bad place right now...this is a pretty rotten day."
John cradled the baby closer to his heart. "Well sweetie, I think it's time to go. They'll be waiting for us. We're having your mommy's funeral in space. It's where she was born...just like you. That's something else you two share. She was born in Space and she needs to rest in Space. Say goodbye to Earth honey. You are now a true member of Moya's crew. Half human, half Sebacean, belonging with neither group really...a misfit, like your parents and the rest of Moya's crew."
"Say goodbye "Aryssa Jacqueline Sun-Crichton, your mother's life may have ended but yours is just beginning." John left the house carrying only his child and his memories.
Whispers of death...
"Hold on baby, we'll be on the planet in about fifteen minutes...er uh...microns." John held Aeryn as D'Argo piloted the pod. He prayed that they would make it in time.
"John I need you...to...listen to me." Aeryn whispered.
"Shh...Aeryn you have to save your energy, baby."
"John I'm all out of energy, the bleeding won't stop."
"No...Aeryn...no please don't say that."
"You never could face the bad, well. John I love you. My life has been one frelling encounter after another. And I wouldn't change one bit of it. You are my life John Crichton. I loved you beyond all hope, even when it was dangerous for me to do so. Always remember that! Make sure Aryssa knows...please!"
"Aeryn...I love you so much. I don't think... think that I can make it without you. Please don't leave me...us." John felt his heart tighten as he realized that he was about to loose the one person that made his life worth living.
"I don't think that the choice is up to us, John. Always know that you were my one true love." She smiled up at him, her eyes teary, yet full of love and hope. Love for this man who'd stumbled into her life from another world. Hope that he would be able to carry on and raise their daughter well.
She raised her hand to caress his cheek, her eyes memorizing his face. "Don't worry about me I've never felt better. I've lived a wonderful life, I've loved a remarkable man, gained extraordinary friends and given life to a beautiful little girl." She swallowed and took her last breath, giving John the last words he'd ever hear her say, words he would take with him always. "Oh my love, never worry about me, I feel fine. You delivered me from hell and showed me heaven. I love you...
John kissed her lips gently. "Goodbye my love. Save a place for me." John held her as she let go of life. He held her as they docked and he held her until he was forced to let her go.
All Characters belong to Henson and Company
Rating:
NC-13
Feedback:
Always welcome. Ephitania@hotmail.com
Setting:
The past and the present.
This might be a tough read, because it flips back and forth from past to present. John's memories are in italicized & bold. His private thoughts are italicized. All present thoughts, and dialogue are in plain font. Sorry!
Blame my muse on a wonderful video: "Deliver me" by Birthsister
Thank you BS.
***************************************************************************
"Deliver Me" By Phi Phi "Le Trelk"
Deliver me out of my sadness. Deliver me from all of the madness. Deliver me courage to guide me. Deliver me strength from inside me.
All of my life, I've been in hiding, wishing there was someone just like you. Now that you're here, now that I've found you; I know that you're the one to pull me through.
Sara Brightman
Compliments to 'Birthsister',
for an excellent video.
He sat quietly watching the sky. It was a clear day, a perfect day. The Sun was shinning and the breeze was soft. A perfect day, but he was alone. How could things have gone so wrong? How? It seemed like yesterday when he'd met her...his guiding star. She'd kicked his ass but she'd still brightened his day...
"Hi...uh my name is John.." He'd held out his hand in greeting. Why did he think it was going to be that simple? One moment he was walking towards her and the next he was staring up from the floor in pain, with the most beautiful face staring down at him.
"What is your rank and regiment and why are you out of uniform? Rank and regiment now!" He'd caught a breather when she'd turned to command Sparky to let her out. "Let me out of here you Hynerian Slug!"
Sparky didn't even blink. "Your efforts a wasted Peacekeeper! You of all people should know that."
"Peacekeeper? You're one of those out there attacking the ship. You think that I'm one of you?"
"Officer Aeryn Sun, Special Peacekeeper Commando, Icarion Company, Pliesar regiment. Identify yourself!"
"My rank is Commander, I'm not military at least not any military you know. I'm a damn scientist."
John smiled and continued his memories... the only thing he had left to pass on.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to sabotage the ship."
"Gimme a break, they haven't hurt us. How about we show em a little compassion?"
"Compassion? What is Compassion?"
"You're kidding right?" She hadn't been kidding. "It's a feeling that you have when you see someone else's pain and instead of taking advantage of their weakness, you help em."
"Oh...ah I know this feeling. I hate it."
John chuckled. She may have hated it in the beginning, but she'd learned how to express compassion for her friends and even the odd little critter. She'd come so far and learned so much about friendship, family and love. Oh his Aeryn...his beautiful Aeryn. She'd been like a child in her blossoming.
"Aeryn! Haven't you every just clicked with a guy?"
"What? Clicked?"
"Yeah, you know, found a guy attractive."
"Yes but...in the beginning I found you...interesting!"
"Me?"
"Yes but only for a moment!"
He hadn't been expecting that answer. It was the first time she'd ever let on that she sensed the same attraction. He had to take his time with her. Aeryn's emotions seemed to run hot and cold but there was more and John had no choice but to find out why. He loved her after all...
" Aeryn what's the matter?"
"They are all going home and someday you will too."
"Yeah sure if I ever find my way home."
"I was born a Peacekeeper soldier. I've always been one among many, a member of a division...platoon, a unit...a team. I've never been alone...ever."
"When I find a way home...if I find a way home, I'll take you with me."
"Me, on a planet with billions of you?"
*****************
"Aeryn you should have kept working...finished the repairs. At least one of us would have survived."
"To be sitting here alone now? I chose not to."
"I thought Peacekeepers were trained to fight alone, survive alone...die alone."
"Well it appears my training is failing me. I don't want to die alone."
He could still remember the taste of her lips. Boy D'Argo had the worst sense of timing. It may have been fear of death but it turned from fear to passion in a split microt. They'd begun bonding in more ways than one; John could never leave her.
"You going now?"
"Yeah...Yeah Pilot says we're running out of time."
"I can't go with you."
"Aeryn this could be our only chance!'
"No this is your only chance. I'm not sure I'll belong there,"
"You would...you will...I promise."
"Sorry."
It wasn't until later that he realized that it was fear that had driven her. If he looked back, searched their history, he'd see this was the first time of many when running from emotion was her MO.
Rain...he remembered the rain...she loved the rain. Like a child in a wonderland she'd stuck her tongue out trying to catch every drop of moisture she could. Huh...the little things...
"Aeryn pick up it up, I want to get out of this rain."
"Rain? Is that what you call this? I like it."
**********
"Sorry"
"What for?"
"Everything...for what's happened here, getting you stuck on Moya. If it wasn't for me you'd still be the happy little Peacekeeper dominating the lesser races."
"Hmmm...I've got a lot to blame you for Crichton."
"Look at that."
"What?"
"That's it. Earth minus the sunshine."
"You know you were right. It's actually quite beautiful."
"Were you scared? To join me when I left Moya?"
"Yes. I won't be recaptured Crichton. They will have to kill me if they come to take me tomorrow."
"I know."
Rain...she'd given herself to him in that dim room, surrounded by the sounds of rain in a busy city with danger floating over head like an indelicate mist. He'd wrapped his body around hers lovingly and held her, listening to her faint breathing as she slept afterwards...rain. He would always remember it fondly.
"Aeryn? Aeryn...you there?"
"Aha! Where have you been?"
"On the run. Where are you?"
"I'm trying to get out of here. I didn't know if you were coming back."
"I'd never leave you."
He'd grown so accustomed to the mere sight of her that the thought of leaving her was out of the question.
"I uh...I wasn't going to say good bye."
"Neither was I"
**********
"The last time we stood here, we didn't say good bye."
"And it wasn't good bye as it turned out."
"Here's hoping history repeats itself."
It had taken every ounce of his self-control to keep from snatching her back, away from Crais. She'd returned to Moya, her spirit wounded and he'd done the only thing that a man in love could do and all she a wounded child would allow him to...
"Talyn will be alright, won't he?"
"Well...he's young and he's going to make mistakes, but he'll learn. And if Crais ever mistreats him, he'll bounce him."
"Maybe Crais won't mistreat him. He could have killed me you know. He could have killed all of us but he didn't."
"Yeah, maybe he just needed to save the energy for starburst."
"Or maybe he's changed."
"Huh!"
"Well you do believe people can change, don't you John?"
"Hmm."
"Well?"
"Well you have...I have, but Crais?"
He'd done the only thing that she would allow him to...he'd held her and reassured her. In those quiet moments beneath Pilot's station, she'd allowed him to become more than a shipmate. She allowed him to heal her wounds.
John allowed a wistful smile to cross his face. He remembered the light times, the times when Aeryn had tested her feminine side, a side he liked, and a side only he was privy to.
"I'm sorry, what is that smell?"
"What?"
"It's your hair, it smells..."
'Zhaan gave me something."
"Alright, it smells good. I like it."
"Well it's not for you too like."
"Oh? Then what's it for?"
"For me to like."
"You don't like that I like it?"
"Personal indulgences can fracture a small crew."
"I would never tell them that you that you scented your hair."
She'd let herself go; he could still feel her arms, her soft tongue. Yeah she'd let go but she'd run just as quickly. She was always so scared to let go...
"Why did you do your hair?"
"To see if you'd notice!'
"Standing at attention!"
"Fine, I'll let Zhaan know that you find her oils pleasing."
"It's you that I find pleasing!"
She ran then and he'd run out of ideas to hold on to her.
"I don't know what you're talking about, but there has never been anything we couldn't overcome together."
"Except each other."
**********
"Aeryn, I'm tired. What am I supposed to do? What am I suppose to do when there's no fight left?"
"You run away!"
"With you?"
"With all of us, together."
She'd been so scared to reach out to him, even when he'd laid himself out for the taking. Aeryn...! Instead of facing her fears, she'd retreated once again into the silent Peacekeeper. He could have cried, lord knows he'd given up.
Then suddenly she was there, walking towards him timid and unsure. She moved slowly almost hesitantly towards him. He never made a sound; afraid he might frighten her, this true version of his love. She continued to move slowly, one arm behind her, the other held straight out in front of her. A tiny bottle clasped delicately between two fingers. Two drops...two tongues...one kiss. Nothing had ever tasted so sweet. Their fate sealed with a kiss. Love beyond all hope!
Fate...fate loved to scramble his life. Was he ever allowed happiness? Aeryn...his poor Aeryn, they'd traveled throughout Space, facing all sorts of dangerous encounters. She'd weathered those with just a hint of scar tissue, but it had taken just one visit to his world to destroy her.
John allowed the tears to flow. Tears ...tears he'd shed so many over the last three days. Living in his memories, memories of the one person who'd made him rethink his purpose. The one person he would have gladly died for. No! That wasn't true now there was another....
"John...you came back."
"Yeah, you didn't think I'd miss my kid's birth did ya?"
His baby...oh yes! It was his baby. Good old Pilot never let him down, confirming what no other would.
"Commander?"
"Yes Pilot?"
"I uhhh...I wanted to speak with you, privately.
"Okay, what is it?"
"It's about Aeryn and the baby."
"Yeah? Is something wrong?"
"No but I understand that there is a question involving paternity."
"Yeah, Aeryn isn't sure who the daddy is. She says that she could have conceived three cycles before we met."
"Forgive me Commander but that is not true."
"Meaning?"
"Aeryn was not pregnant when she arrived on Moya."
"How do you know?"
"When Namtar introduced my DNA into Aeryn's system and you and Corinata were able to cure her; Zhaan examined her thoroughly and recorded all findings. Aeryn was not pregnant."
"Okay so she wasn't pregnant then. That just knocks out Veloreck and whoever else got lucky before we met. Okay so that just leaves me or rather me and the other me."
"Again I must interrupt. I can tell you with great certainty that you are the father."
"How? How can you be sure?"
"Because Commander, when Captain Larraq injured Aeryn, Zhaan figured out a way to filter the toxins from Aeryn's blood by attaching her to Moya's internal system. It was the only way to keep her alive while we waited for you to return with the donor tissue. While she was connected to Moya I monitored her internal organs closely. At the time I recorded four heartbeats, Moya, Aeryn, Talyn and Aeryn's child. I must apologize to both you and Aeryn, in all the ensuing excitement; I simply forgot to mention it to Aeryn. When she left to join Talyn I felt I no longer had the right..."
"That's alright Pilot. This news far out ways the oversight! My baby...she's carrying my baby. ALL RIGHT! YEEESSS!"
He and Aeryn had been so damn happy. He walked around with a silly macho grin on his face and Aeryn didn't come down from her 'happy high' for months. Then the wormhole opened and happiness disappeared forever...
"John?"
"Hmmm?"
"We have to get up. D'Argo won't be patient forever. You told him that we'd be back in an arn, it's already been two and a half."
"So I got a little carried away. You make the cutest little noises when I touch you right here..."
"John!"
D'Argo's timing always sucked.
"John! Aeryn! Where the Hezmanna are you two?"
"We're on our way back. Give us half an arn..."
"You've got fifteen microns!"
"You see John, I told you, but nooo." Aeryn laughed softly.
"Yeah right, I'll remember that tonight."
He could still here her husky laughter. That voice, no mere mortal could have been gifted with such a seductive voice. John loved those private afternoons. He and Aeryn would make love, make plans, talk to the baby and even pick out names. It didn't last...it never lasted.
"What's up D?" John watched Aeryn move to read the atmospheric data.
"That!" D'Argo pointed to the large wormhole displayed on the viewer.
John moved closer to the monitor. "Oh man! Pilot?!"
"Yes Commander?" Pilot's voice seemed slightly annoyed.
"Am I reading what I think I'm reading?"
"Yes Commander, that is Earth."
"Pilot, are we able to contact the planet?" Aeryn questioned.
"That is not possible from this distance. We must enter the wormhole and orbit the planet."
Pilot had surprised everyone with that suggestion. Once they 'd made contact fate went wild. With the exception of Scorpius, Nuranti and Rygel, the crew ventured down to the planet. They were welcomed with open arms, or so they thought. The people on earth did have a slight problem with some of the more obvious differences. Skin color, extra body parts and strange eyes. But Aeryn truly terrified them. The government was truly wary of her; an alien who defied all of their preconceived notions of 'little green men', an alien that could pass for human. They seemed to think that there might be an alien plot to infiltrate the human race.
He'd been such a fool! They'd remained on earth for a while, giving John time to reunite with his family and friends. Jack also had a chance to get to know Aeryn. She spoke perfect English with sexiest Sebacean accent; another mark against her as far as the government was concerned. She'd tried so hard to impress his dad and DK that they couldn't help falling in love with her. After a four-month stay Aeryn decided to return to Moya and check on Scorpius and Pilot. She never made it. She disappeared...
They searched for five weeks and came up empty, and then Chiana hit pay dirt! She'd found a lab tech that had bragged about Aeryn's disappearance. The kid had been a hateful little prick, but John had no problem making him talk...
"What's your name son?" John asked casually as D'Argo tighten the young man's bounds.
"Like I'd tell you...like you don't already know!"
"Cute! That's right I do know your name. James! Well what else do I know? I know whom you claim on W-2 as an employer. I know what you do for this employer. I know where you live...hell! I even know your mother's maiden name! You see James, what I don't know, is the whereabouts of Aeryn Sun. Or why you took her!"
"I don't know what you're..."
"Don't! Don't bother! I'd just as soon kill ya, but my dad has a problem with murder. So you really don't want to send me off! NOW WHERE IS SHE?!"
"I got nothing to say!"
"Really?" John charged Winona. "Fine! Have it your way son. I've been places you could only dream of and you know one thing that I realized? Hm? That pain is pain no matter where you are." He aimed the pulse pistol at James.
"If you kill me you won't get anything."
"But you've got nothing to say, remember? So if you aren't good for info, then target practice is cool too. So I won't kill you, just yet, but I will shoot you a few times, toes or fingers?"
"What?"
"See James, we have a real problem here, you're not listening! Do you want me to start shooting off your fingers or your toes?"
"Yeah right..."
"Fine my choice then." John aimed and fired. "I'm so sorry, Aeryn always said my aim was bad. I was trying to get your little finger, didn't mean to take half the hand off. Oh man that's gotta hurt, it must really suck to be you right now." John yelled over James' screams. "Now hush James, or you'll miss my next question and we've already established that you don't listen!"
John stooped down near the drooping head of the whimpering man. "James? JAMES! Aeryn means a lot to me and I'm almost sure you realize that she's pregnant. The media had a field day with that one. I'm sure you don't want to loose your other hand, so why don't you tell me what I need to know, huh?" James continued whimpering. "Fine James, have it your way. You can learn to write with your toes for all I care!"
"STOP! I'll tell you where she is, but it's probably to late. She'll be dead by now and her body parts auctioned off!"
"What, her body parts auctioned?"
"Yeah, there was...was a bounty put out on her head. She's worth seventy- five million dollars per full part. The baby is worth one hundred million intact."
"Son, you and your friends better pray I find her alive with not so much as a hair missing. Because if she's dead then so are all of you. Sick bastards!"
They found her strapped to a table in the basement of a university science building. She was barely breathing, her skin ice cold to the touch. She never opened her eyes once during the rescue. Her captors took one look at D'Argo in hyper-rage and ran. A few let their greed entice them into dying. Aeryn never so much as twitched during the firefight or as John carried her away from that hell. Fate was weaving her destructive magic.
Three days of close calls. Three days! Twice Aeryn had stopped breathing and twice he'd defied heaven and earth by resuscitating her. She opened her eyes after three days and John's true hell began. It started with a scream...
"Was that Aeryn?" Chiana asked staring up at the ceiling.
"Yes! Go out back and get Jack! Now!" D'Argo instructed, rushing up the stairs. He slammed through the bedroom door and stopped short at the sight. Aeryn sat crouched between the wall and the bed. She stared wild- eyed at John, screaming with one arm thrown out to fend him off.
"John what happened?"
"I don't...she woke up, saw me, threw herself across the bed and started screaming! She won't let me near her." He turned back to Aeryn. She was shivering so hard he was afraid she might start convulsing again. "Aeryn, baby let me..."
"N...NO! NO! GO AWAY...GET AWAY FROM ME! P...Pl...Please...I...you...it j...just hurts. P...Please go!"
"Aeryn honey is it the baby? Do you want me to call the doctor again?" John made the mistake of stepping forward, causing Aeryn to slam her body into the wall behind her in an attempt to get away.
John turned to D'Argo, pleading. "D...Please? See if she'll let you help her. She's gonna hurt herself." John left the room quietly, tears running from his eyes.
It hadn't taken long to find out why Aeryn's reaction to John was so severe. Like Pavlov's dog, Aeryn had been conditioned to fear the sight of John. Using holographic images of John, shock therapy, drugs, and other physical tortures, they'd managed to condition Aeryn to associate intense pain with John even the mere thought of him caused pain.
The healing process had been a slow one. The government had increased the security around the house ten fold. Aeryn never left the house alone, she never left the house period. The kidnapping had taken its toll on all of them. Like John after his Aurora Chair experience, Aeryn would never be the same. She'd lost confidence in herself, in her ability to protect herself and the others. She healed but the damage had been done both psychologically and physically...
"John I can't stay here. These people don't want me here."
"I need you here Aeryn, I love you."
"I know John and I love you too but I have to return to Moya. It will be safer for me and the baby...I'd feel safer."
"Okay honey, we'll leave in the morning."
"No John you stay here with your father. You've both missed so much. You know how to get to Moya. There are the pods and I'll leave the Prowler. D'Argo will take me back in Lo'la."
"Aeryn, I am not letting you out of my sight! I can come down here and visit with dad but..."
"No! John listen, stay with your father. We've already decided to break orbit after the baby's born. You must spend as much time here with him as possible before we leave. I love your father too, but I can't stay here. I will not let these people take my child or try to kill us again."
It had taken every ounce of self-esteem that Aeryn had left, to admit that she was afraid to stay on Earth and in the end she'd won. He'd agreed, but his heart bled as she left with the others. He and Jack had visited Moya once a week. Sometimes John would stay a few days, just to be near Aeryn. They would sit quietly and look at the stars. She would allow John to hold her, caress her and love her. It almost seemed as though things were back to normal, as if things had settled down.
Settled? Ha...they were wrong and now he was alone....
"John, you came."
"Of course I came baby. You didn't think I'd miss my kid's birth, did you??"
"I didn't know if you'd make it in time."
"I'd move heaven and earth to be with you baby, remember that baby."
"I will, I love you."
"I love you too."
The birth of their child would always be the single most extraordinary event in John's life. As long as he lived, he would remember holding his baby seconds after birth. He would carry the memory to his grave. He would carry the pictures of each member of the crew holding the baby; his father's smile full of pride and Aeryn's eyes full of love. Their baby was healthy in every way. His heart was not, Aeryn's physical injuries had healed but they'd left their mark.
"Son? It's time to go." Jack entered the room.
"What?" John questioned, his thoughts still in the past, his gaze on the Canal.
"It's time to leave John. Your friends are waiting."
"Aeryn?"
Jack paused for a moment. "She's ready."
For the first time John glanced away from the window. He focused on his father. "How dad?"
Jack knew what John was asking. "One second, one moment, one hour, one day, one week, one month, one year until the pain dulls." Jack smiled softly. "There will be a time when the thought of her only brings a smile in memory of the good times."
"Is that how you did it?"
"I had you and your sister." Jack answered; his heart ached for his child. John had been so lost these past few days.
"I love her so much. How can I let her go? She's my life." John's voice broke.
"Son we..."
"No! I promised her that she'd love it here, that she'd be safe. They had no right to take that promise and turn it into a lie! I lied to the one person who needed the truth more than anyone."
"You did not lie! Aeryn knew that it wasn't your fault. She never blamed you, not once!" Jack couldn't hold back his own tears. "John...son you've got to hold on, if not for yourself, then for her at least."
John's stare fell to Jack's cradled arms. He watched his tiny daughter sleeping quietly in her grandfather's arms, unaware of her father's turmoil. "Huh...she's the spitting image of her mother...those eyes." He reached over and gathered her into his own arms. Kissing her tiny forehead and cheeks lightly, he settled the infant gently into his arms.
Jack smiled at the picture John and his daughter made. The baby was only five days old and already she had everyone wrapped around her tiny finger. "That she does son. She'll always remind you of her mother. Just as you and your sister remind me of your mother."
Jack smoothed John's hair back and kissed his forehead just as John had done to his own daughter. "I'm here for you son. I'm going to check the rest of the house before we leave."
"Dad?" John's voice stopped him at the door.
"Yeah son?"
"Are you sure you want to do this? Moya is not like Earth. Life in Space is incredibly different from life here."
"I know son, but I can always come back. I love your sister more than life itself, but she now has a family and doesn't need me. You're my only son and that's my only granddaughter...my only link to you and Aeryn. I'm not going to miss out on her life, you both need me and I need you." He paused. "John I loved Aeryn too, she was like a daughter to me. I understood her sometimes better than I did you and your sister. I love you John."
'Thanks dad...I love you." He watched Jack leave; the baby squirmed, grabbing his attention. "Well honey, we're leaving now. You'll love Moya and Pilot. They'll be happy to see you again. You were born on Moya. We brought you down here when we brought your mommy...Aeryn. She was such an amazing woman. You'll probably be just like her...not so much attitude though. While I'm used to it, your grandfather may go insane. He's light weight."
"We're gonna have to help each other here darlin. I've never raised a baby before. I'm gonna make some mistakes, but if you have patience, I'll straighten out...I promise.
"Oh honey, what am I gonna do? She's gone and I can't get her back. She tried to hang on but it was too much for her." John took a deep breath. "One second...one minute...one hour...one day...I don't know about that. I don't know if I can. Sweetie, daddy's in a real bad place right now...this is a pretty rotten day."
John cradled the baby closer to his heart. "Well sweetie, I think it's time to go. They'll be waiting for us. We're having your mommy's funeral in space. It's where she was born...just like you. That's something else you two share. She was born in Space and she needs to rest in Space. Say goodbye to Earth honey. You are now a true member of Moya's crew. Half human, half Sebacean, belonging with neither group really...a misfit, like your parents and the rest of Moya's crew."
"Say goodbye "Aryssa Jacqueline Sun-Crichton, your mother's life may have ended but yours is just beginning." John left the house carrying only his child and his memories.
Whispers of death...
"Hold on baby, we'll be on the planet in about fifteen minutes...er uh...microns." John held Aeryn as D'Argo piloted the pod. He prayed that they would make it in time.
"John I need you...to...listen to me." Aeryn whispered.
"Shh...Aeryn you have to save your energy, baby."
"John I'm all out of energy, the bleeding won't stop."
"No...Aeryn...no please don't say that."
"You never could face the bad, well. John I love you. My life has been one frelling encounter after another. And I wouldn't change one bit of it. You are my life John Crichton. I loved you beyond all hope, even when it was dangerous for me to do so. Always remember that! Make sure Aryssa knows...please!"
"Aeryn...I love you so much. I don't think... think that I can make it without you. Please don't leave me...us." John felt his heart tighten as he realized that he was about to loose the one person that made his life worth living.
"I don't think that the choice is up to us, John. Always know that you were my one true love." She smiled up at him, her eyes teary, yet full of love and hope. Love for this man who'd stumbled into her life from another world. Hope that he would be able to carry on and raise their daughter well.
She raised her hand to caress his cheek, her eyes memorizing his face. "Don't worry about me I've never felt better. I've lived a wonderful life, I've loved a remarkable man, gained extraordinary friends and given life to a beautiful little girl." She swallowed and took her last breath, giving John the last words he'd ever hear her say, words he would take with him always. "Oh my love, never worry about me, I feel fine. You delivered me from hell and showed me heaven. I love you...
John kissed her lips gently. "Goodbye my love. Save a place for me." John held her as she let go of life. He held her as they docked and he held her until he was forced to let her go.