It could not have hurt me more if he had struck me there in the village.. The way he was acting stung more than a thousand knives. What made it worse is that I couldn't tell anyone. How do you tell someone that your master was also your lover and it was because of him that you were in pain.. I was better off dead, I surmise.
In a way, it was good that I didn't need to eat to survive, because I lost all desire to do so completely; I spent all my time either in my chambers or up on the roof of the house.. Some part of me wished that he would come up and beg me to go back to him, but he never appeared on the roof next to me. Niisan did, for a while, but he gave up. Spinel or Rubi never bothered to try.
Sometimes I had wondered if I had simply fallen into a trap that Cl--..master had set for me, like a cat plays with a half-dead, terrified mouse. Was I the mouse in Clow Reed's trap? Maybe he was in love with Rubi.. she was pretty.. he seemed to be more fond of her at times. I didn't know what to think any more.. everything just hurt so much.
I would catch him at the window of his study and stare at him, and every time it hurt a little more because I knew.. I -knew- that I loved him. Maybe this is what everyone calls 'heartbreak'. I wasn't aware I had a heart to break, but it was obvious to me after Clow hurt me. All I wanted to do was to be his, forever.. but it wasn't meant to be...
*
I felt terrible for pushing Yue away, but he had completely shut himself off from everyone, including Keroberos.. The two were extremely close, it worried me that he would push Keroberos away like he did. I would walk to my study and stare out the window, hoping, praying for a glance of my angel amidst the moonlight.
Near every night, I cried while I worked on the cards, if only for a moment. I missed having Yue around; the house seemed more somber without his presence, and there was a pain in my chest that was doubling in strength every night Yue was gone.
One night, I was walking from my study to my bedroom after a particularly long time working on the cards and the pain grew too worse to bear, even for someone of my power. The room darkened and I remember falling to the ground.. but everything after that... it's all a blur.
*
I saw the lights to Clow's study darken, but through them, I saw his figure slump. My heart stopped, and I couldn't get there as fast as I would've liked, but I certainly hurried. I kneeled next to him and held him in my arms, desperately trying to get him to stand. The tears were forcing their way down my cheeks again as I whispered his name. "Clow-sama?"
His eyes opened and looked at me, and for a moment, I thought he would be mad at me..but he smiled. "Yue.." He whispered before closing his eyes. This time, it was my turn to sit by his bedside crying for the duration of the night. I would not leave his side until I knew for sure that he was all right. Nothing could take me from him at that moment. Not even death. For no matter what happened between us as lovers, I was his guardian..and nothing would change that.
In a way, it was good that I didn't need to eat to survive, because I lost all desire to do so completely; I spent all my time either in my chambers or up on the roof of the house.. Some part of me wished that he would come up and beg me to go back to him, but he never appeared on the roof next to me. Niisan did, for a while, but he gave up. Spinel or Rubi never bothered to try.
Sometimes I had wondered if I had simply fallen into a trap that Cl--..master had set for me, like a cat plays with a half-dead, terrified mouse. Was I the mouse in Clow Reed's trap? Maybe he was in love with Rubi.. she was pretty.. he seemed to be more fond of her at times. I didn't know what to think any more.. everything just hurt so much.
I would catch him at the window of his study and stare at him, and every time it hurt a little more because I knew.. I -knew- that I loved him. Maybe this is what everyone calls 'heartbreak'. I wasn't aware I had a heart to break, but it was obvious to me after Clow hurt me. All I wanted to do was to be his, forever.. but it wasn't meant to be...
*
I felt terrible for pushing Yue away, but he had completely shut himself off from everyone, including Keroberos.. The two were extremely close, it worried me that he would push Keroberos away like he did. I would walk to my study and stare out the window, hoping, praying for a glance of my angel amidst the moonlight.
Near every night, I cried while I worked on the cards, if only for a moment. I missed having Yue around; the house seemed more somber without his presence, and there was a pain in my chest that was doubling in strength every night Yue was gone.
One night, I was walking from my study to my bedroom after a particularly long time working on the cards and the pain grew too worse to bear, even for someone of my power. The room darkened and I remember falling to the ground.. but everything after that... it's all a blur.
*
I saw the lights to Clow's study darken, but through them, I saw his figure slump. My heart stopped, and I couldn't get there as fast as I would've liked, but I certainly hurried. I kneeled next to him and held him in my arms, desperately trying to get him to stand. The tears were forcing their way down my cheeks again as I whispered his name. "Clow-sama?"
His eyes opened and looked at me, and for a moment, I thought he would be mad at me..but he smiled. "Yue.." He whispered before closing his eyes. This time, it was my turn to sit by his bedside crying for the duration of the night. I would not leave his side until I knew for sure that he was all right. Nothing could take me from him at that moment. Not even death. For no matter what happened between us as lovers, I was his guardian..and nothing would change that.