Sorry, had no computer over break. Hence everything I wanted to do had to
be knocked back by almost an entire month. Anger ensues. I was trying to
get another important project readied as this one is well past halfway done
so far as I'm concerned. I think maybe two more chapters because that's
about the standard length I work with for my stories. I was thinking about
having some strife in this chapter, we'll see if I can get this whole drama
thing down. Heh. Sorry for delays and such. Sorry I'm kind of rushing
the plot as well. Don't worry, the next chapter will be happier. I think
it will anyway.
Disclaimer: I no own Rurouni Kenshin. Bummer.
Chapter 6
He contemplated her with a strange sort of serenity. There was beauty there, and innocence, and in comparison he felt unclean. She had surrendered to him so easily and what had initially been a feeling of triumph had slowly disintegrated into a vague self-loathing. Her purity was something he was never meant to possess. Why had he brought her here knowing that he had sealed the fall of this angel? Things that had been so clear to him seemed less so in the light of morning. His bleary mind wandered around and assessed things around him as he came to his senses.
Slumbering on her stomach, hair in charming disarray, Kaoru seemed happy enough. Enishi ran a hand down the skin of her back and she made a pleased murmur in her sleep. It was odd, for normally he would take a shower and immediately avoid his partners but, other than the fact that it would be detrimental to his plans to do that to her, he found that he didn't want to. Her presence was comforting. He hadn't dreamed at all, and considering how often his dreams made him not want to sleep, it only made her that much more precious in his eyes.
It had been a delightful night. She had been so willing and energetic. if his roommates had thought he had lived like a monk the past few months, there was no way they could accuse him of it now. If anyone had been home then they surely would have heard something. Hopefully the idiots wouldn't say anything to him about it, as he was in no mood to deal with insolent comments. He didn't want to discuss Kaoru with them either, as the idea of them seeing her as cheap or as a sex object made him irritated. Enishi stroked her slightly matted raven hair and she stirred, shifting to one side. No, Kaoru wasn't easy. From his investigations into the people around Himura he knew that the lady by his side had in fact been approached by quite a number of young men initially but her constant frigid attitude was enough to get them to give up. She had been devoted to Himura. 'Had' being the key word. Now she was his and he gloried in the knowledge.
Kaoru made a face in her sleep. She mumbled and shivered. Something was upsetting her, but Enishi didn't know what and was powerless to do anything for her. He gave a low growl in his throat. He hated not being able to do anything, as he was always in control. There were moments where he had been helpless in the past, but he swore that it would never happen to him again. Putting his arms around her, she readily pressed against him. For a moment he considered waking her up to see if she was willing to help him release some of the hormones that her instinctive comfort seeking were stirring as she strained against his body, but eventually he decided not to as more sleep for them both was much more preferable. He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes.
*
Kaoru opened her eyes and tried to figure out where she was because it certainly wasn't her room and there was something generating a lot of heat very near to her. After a quick recap of last night that flashed through her brain she noticed that she was, well, naked and blushing with an arm slung around her. The arm was attached to a lean and handsome white haired man and Kaoru smiled at his peacefully smiling form. Asleep and without his glasses he looked less formidable, and even a little sad. Most men looked like little boys when asleep, but she wondered if he ever had a chance to be a little boy. Sad seemed to be the most appropriate describer. She suppressed the desire to touch him because she figured he would need the sleep and that would surely wake him up. Extracting herself was the top priority. And finding her clothes. She needed to get herself up and out to the gym. As much exercise as she had last night, there was no excuse to miss practicing. Gently rolling away from him she slid to the floor and then got up to search around. Finding her clothes was painfully easy as his room was rather Spartan in appearance.
There was a bed, a desk, a dresser and closet. and a garbage can. Nothing else of note. No clothes strewn about, and not even a clothes hamper in sight. Everything was perfectly ordered and structured to give him the most possible room, and it was all very bland. It was as if something in him were untouchable, that's what this room said to her, but she shoved it aside as idle thought from a tired person. A few hours with a sword would set things right again. First she felt as if she needed to leave something for him though. Maybe a note or something. Digging around in her purse she found an empty envelope and a pen, quickly she scribbled something and left it on his immaculate desk. With an admiring glance in his direction as he lay half with the blankets draped around his hips, Kaoru stepped out of his room and quietly closed the door. No one appeared to be up. That was fine with her as she didn't really want to face his roommates. All that noise. there was no way they couldn't know what happened last night unless they were REALLY drunk.
It was a little past noon, and Kaoru felt a bit bleary and dirty since she hadn't brushed her teeth yet and her hair was all tangled. The walk home was very cold and odd. She spent it considering what this would mean. Except for a couple unexciting experiences with each of her two boyfriends in high school, she had not really had much involvement with sex. What she did know is that her boyfriends had become mindless pigs after they had done it, and that's why she hadn't been too interested in starting up anything when she got to college. Then she had met Kenshin, and Kenshin was different. She trusted him. Enishi was different, but not at all like Kenshin, and she trusted him too in a different way. When it came to Enishi, Kaoru didn't know where she stood. She felt protected and wanted, but there was a vague look he would get once in a while lately and she realized that there was so much that she didn't know about him. Best not to worry now. Stepping up, she slipped the key in her front door and walked in whistling a happy jaunty little melody.
"And what happened to you last night young lady?" Megumi turned off the TV. "You certainly didn't come back last night and." Megumi narrowed her eyes and gave a theatrical gasp. "You had SEX!"
"Not so loud, Megumi, geez." Kaoru tried to make her way upstairs quickly. This was more embarrassing than she needed on a Sunday morning.
"You can't get away that easily!" Megumi followed up the stairs halfway as Kaoru went into her room to change. "I can't believe you actually did it. Seriously, you hardly know him and you're already willing to do that with him. I mean." Megumi sputtered. Kenshin's prospects were getting slimmer with this new development. Kaoru was just on the fast track to getting herself hurt. She felt she needed to do something for Kaoru's sake. "Did he force you?"
"No Megumi, he didn't. It wasn't unpleasant, and I felt perfectly ready and in control of my senses. You don't have to worry about me, really."
Megumi considered this for a minute or two and sat down on the stairs. "Well. so how was he then?"
"MEGUMI!"
"Ok, ok, you can't blame me for asking." Megumi backed down the stairs as Kaoru emerged in her training outfit. Kenshin had some answering to do. What had happened? How had Kaoru ended up at Enishi's after Kenshin saw them? There were a lot of variables here that she must not be seeing. Now was not the time to clarify them though. "Have a good time then. don't work yourself too hard, I'm sure you're probably more sore than you know."
Kaoru paused at the front door and chuckled at that. "Megumi, you are the worst." There was no malice in her words, and only a vague bit of annoyance. She opened the door and stepped out. As the door closed Megumi turned around and started back to her room. Kaoru's head popped back in before the door shut. ". and he was GREAT." The door firmly closed and Megumi chuckled. At least she was happy, but for how long?
*
Practice was gratifying. It helped her focus on nothing but movement and the fact that her body was a little sore in places she forgot existed. The sword's motions were a little jerky because of that, but she made up for it by adding extra strength to it. Sweat poured from her body, and she looked forward to the shower that she would shortly be getting. Being clean would be glorious. Kaoru was just putting things away and stepping out when she ran into Kenshin on her way out. The first reaction on her part was extreme guilt. It was as if she were cutting all her ties with him, and last night was an important step in that. He was probably relieved that she wasn't going to follow him around like a puppy anymore. He was carrying a saber and looked a little frazzled, as if he had been practicing but not doing well. In fact he looked terribly worried for some reason. His brows knit together in an expression of concern and he motioned for Kaoru to follow him.
"Kaoru, I think you should watch out for. Enishi Yukishiro. There is something about him that isn't right." Kaoru swore she could feel something similar to Megumi's accusation ridden tone this morning in Kenshin's voice. "Please, Kaoru, take me seriously, because I, I. care about you and don't want to see you get hurt."
At one time those words would have been enough to send Kaoru into paroxysms of happiness, but now it felt like too little too late. All at once it hit her that she had moved on. There was feeling there for Kenshin, but it had taken a backseat already to her emotional commitment to Enishi. She wondered if that was why she had initiated last night's activities. Maybe she had been looking for a way to move on, but needed that extra push. She had certainly pushed last night. Kenshin had missed his chance. If this little warning wasn't jealousy and actually was friendly concern then that was alright too, but it didn't change the nature of her feelings for Enishi. Even if she wasn't going to call it love, it was more than she had felt in a long time for anyone barring Kenshin, in fact it probably even surpassed her past imagined feelings for Kenshin. Then again, it was going terribly quickly with Enishi. She'd have to be at least a little cautious. Kenshin was giving her a funny look. She had been thinking for a minute or two and he looked as if he expected a response.
"Don't worry Kenshin, I think I know what I'm doing. If I do get hurt, then I'll only be that much wiser for it in the end. Right?" Kaoru gave him a bright smile.
"There's something you're not getting here, and I didn't want to mention it but."
"Then don't. I'm an adult now, and I have to start making decisions like one. I know very well how fast we've seemed to get together and I realize that everyone is concerned, but I wouldn't be so willing to take chances if I didn't trust my friends to support me if things go badly. I'm a strong person. I can take care of things as they are now." Kaoru strode away before Kenshin could say any more. Behind her Kenshin hung his head and clenched his hand around his saber. He would protect Kaoru when the time came. That man was just using her to get to him, but maybe she didn't need to hear that now. She probably wouldn't even believe him. The fact that she might be victimized because of his past mistakes filled him with a terrible rage. He had to protect Kaoru, for his sake as much as hers. If something happened to her he would never be whole again.
*
Kaoru saw Enishi fairly regularly up until finals. Megumi still grumbled a bit but stayed out of things as much as she could manage. Kaoru's absence on weekend nights went largely unremarked on by Megumi except for some analogies between Kaoru and Enishi and bunnies. Finals were hectic, but once they were over everyone was quite at ease. Megumi was going to stay in the house, but Kaoru was required to return home since Christmas was something that was big in her family. Everyone had to get together and go to one relative's house and keep up appearances. Kaoru and her father were mere satellites in this elaborate play, but it did not lessen her responsibility any. Part if what was so important was for her to talk to her dad and tell him her progress in school. That was the part of vacation Kaoru was dreading because it was never enough that Kaoru was doing ok or even well. She had to be the best or he was disappointed in her. It was enough to drive a person mad, and Kaoru had been very happy to leave the house she and her father had shared. She knew he loved her, but it was such a remote and critical love that she wondered sometimes if she needed it at all. Enishi was her stable point until he left for his home, as he had similar responsibilities to present himself to his family. Kaoru was happy with her life. Her friends' pessimism seemed to be unfounded and things were going fine. All in all, she was happy with her life.
*
Enishi saw Kaoru as often as she was willing to see him. She liked her space so he tried not to smother her with attention. At the same time he had noticed that Himura seemed to shadow them once in a while. Kaoru probably never noticed since Himura was good at what he did, but Enishi was very observant and Himura was too distinctive to miss as he was his arch- enemy. Kaoru was growing on him. Questions had begun to pop up and he wasn't sure he wanted Kaoru to learn of his plan to use her to get to Himura. It was the truth, but if there were some way to blackmail that nasty red haired murderer without Kaoru ever finding out, that would be ideal. Already the little man was worried out of his head, and Enishi was sure he had enough of Kaoru's trust to make it so that accusations would be hard to be believed. Even while he wanted to protect Kaoru from the shock, he was worried that he thought that way. Was he losing his edge? Was he losing his hate? It was a terrifying prospect since this mission defined his life and had for years. This slip of a girl was softening him even as he observed himself. He found himself wanting and enjoying sympathizing with her. They were so similar in some ways, and in the ways they were different he found her enjoyable. She laughed so much and there had never been any real joy in his life before. It centered around death and revenge. This girl was not meant for him, and it was unfortunate she had to be caught up in his plot. He would use the break to be away from her and refocus his purpose. If things were going to work he would have to play the game carefully.
*
Kaoru returned from break in mid January with a feeling of ease. Things after Christmas had been pretty dull and now she would get to be with her friends again. There were a few days before classes began and there was plenty of time to do fun things. She had promised Yahiko that they would go to a film festival at the art theater, and she and Megumi were going shopping the next day. Kenshin was going to show her his finished thesis. She had talked with him all through break and he had told her all about how stressful it was to go through the final editing and preparing for his presentation. Soon he would submit it to the committee and see if it got accepted. Kaoru knew there was no way Kenshin would be turned down. He was brilliant, but only he seemed not to know it. Kenshin had also told her all about the fencing competition he had participated in. He had won and was surprised and happy about it, but again there had been no question in anyone's mind that he would win. Kenshin had almost god-like speed when he moved.
The most exciting thing, the thing Kaoru couldn't wait for, was to see Enishi and give him the present she had made for him. She wasn't an artist, but she had a good eye and had found the most beautiful painting of a tiger for him. It was in the Asiatic tradition and looked very clean and stylistic. The only thing Kaoru had done was frame it. She had enough technical prowess to do it and it had taken a long time to fit everything together correctly, but the frame was simple and tight. He needed some sort of decoration in his room, and somehow a tiger just seemed to fit him perfectly. It was large and heavy, but he would find room for her gift somehow. With the picture under her arm she began to trek for his house.
*
Enishi sat in room and thought. Kaoru would get there pretty soon. She had a gift for him, and he had one for her. He wasn't sure what to get her, so he had gotten her jewelry. It had cost a fortune since it was a nicely wrought necklace with a sapphire set in the center, but he didn't care. He had money to burn and getting her a nice gift was important to him, she deserved the best he could give. She'd have enough problems once everything broke with Himura. Enishi squelched his feelings of guilt over that. Sometimes bad things happened. She would get over it. Jewelry could heal many wounds, and the matching earrings to the necklace would be his parting gift to her after he finished with her. The break had forced him back into the sterile environment of his family and renewed again his purpose. Life was revenge, and Kaoru was beginning to get in the way. He would start to distance himself more effectively. That probably meant less sex, and his mind protested automatically. Stupid body, he would conquer his desires.
The doorbell rang, and his heart leaped before he squished it beneath his granite resolve. With a serpentine smile he welcomed Kaoru in. She was carrying an enormous package, and although it was evident that it was a picture, it was wrapped with brown paper so he didn't know what it could be a picture of.
"I thought your room could use some decoration." Kaoru beamed at him with flushed cheeks from the cold and the walk. Her eyes practically glowed. Enishi hated her for a moment for being so very. her. and already chipping away at his resolve to push her away.
"Here." He shoved the box at her. They opened their respective presents. Kaoru gave a little gasp, and looked over at Enishi with her eyebrows raised. She was well aware that this was an expensive gift, even if it were a semi-precious stone. She was going to have a heart attack when she found out what it was made of. With a smirk Enishi finished tearing off the paper on his picture. At first the picture confused him, but then he found himself strangely moved. The picture was primal, and very alive. The tiger was solitary and predatory, and looked like it was out for blood. If that's what she saw in him, she was more insightful than he had credited. In fact, it almost worried him.
"I'll go get some tools to affix a nail over the bed. It will fit there very well." Enishi walked off to another part of the house.
Kaoru sat down and stared at the gift. This was amazing. It was beautiful, but she wondered if she should even accept such an expensive gift. True the painting had been a fair chunk of change, but she had saved a lot by doing the framing herself. There was no way he had spent less than five or six times what she did. Even if he was wealthy, she hoped she never made him feel as if she were simply leeching off of him. He never asked her to pay when they went out, but that was easier to dismiss than this. A bowling game or a dinner once a week was different than this. Even as she thought about giving it back she took it out and went to the bathroom to look at it in the mirror on her neck. It was a chocker and it was the perfect size. Looking in the mirror she noticed something. the stone was the same color as her eyes. If he had done it on purpose of if it were coincidence, that solved her problem for her because the gift enchanted her. With a sigh she took it off and put it back in the box.
Enishi came back with a hammer and a couple nails. It didn't take them long to get everything set up. Now his room look cold and empty, but with a picture in it. That's what Kaoru saw. What Enishi saw was a constant reminder of Kaoru hanging right above his bed. He loved the picture, but there was an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He told himself that this would pass. Momentary emotions, that's all it was. Tomoe, he had to remember Tomoe always. He was so afraid he was losing Tomoe, soon no one would remember her anymore. It would be as if she had never existed. And this was all Himura's fault. An evil grin broke his bland expression as he watched Kaoru straighten out the picture. He would become the tiger.
But a tiger hunts and lives alone.
Kaoru turned to Enishi with a smile. "That looks good right?"
"It's perfect."
"Good, then I think I need to run. Megumi said that she really wanted to go to the grocery store and there's some stuff I need as well. So I'll be off. Feel free to come by this evening and have some dinner of at my place if you're hungry. I'll just be there." Kaoru waved and made her way over to the door, Enishi close behind her. Kaoru gave Enishi a quick kiss. "I'm glad I'm back home, and even more glad that you are too. I can't believe how much I've come to rely on you these past couple months." With a wink she disappeared. Enishi looked down at nothing and eventually wandered over to the couch and sat down to stare at the wall. People like him weren't meant to be happy, and people like her should never get involved with someone fated for destruction. He needed to do some more thinking. Obviously, he could not get a good handle on his current situation.
*
The beginning of February had arrived. Soon Kenshin was going to give his thesis presentation. Soon class work would become much more intense and bog everyone down in routine again. Those were about the only things on Kaoru's mind as she went about her day. That wasn't entirely true, however, because something else was lingering in the back of her thoughts: Enishi. He had been getting more and more odd recently, with his behaviors and mannerisms. Usually he was at least willing to make polite conversation when they came across other people, but for some reason everything he was saying was false. Only Kaoru could really tell, because everyone else thought he was still the same as always. His smiles were more frequent and too big, and often his words held barbs, but people generally ignored it or didn't catch it. The most alarming thing to Kaoru was how he was losing all the softness of character he had slowly gained in the time they had been together. It was as if there were something important he wasn't telling her. It could be his family, since they had both avoided that subject of conversation and yet were so affected by it. It could be general moodiness. The only thing that really alarmed her was the possibility that it could be her.
Kaoru was a practical girl. She wasn't going to give away her heart just because some guy was handsome, or intelligent, or flattering. There were a lot of things about Enishi that were very prickly and unavailable, but she accepted that. Yet, though it all he was always himself around her. There was no front he had to give when they were together. It was a principle of personal honesty that she enjoyed. Lately that hadn't been the case. It was as if there were two of him, one cold and terrible and the other remote but gentle. Whatever was going on, it was getting aggravating. She should say something, but she was afraid of what she would initiate and when all was said and done, she was sure that he meant more to her than a lot of people. maybe even more than anyone else in her life. That concept scared her. But she trusted him. That was all she could do. Without the risk, life would be much more hollow.
Maybe that's why what happened next was inevitable.
*
"I think we shouldn't see one another anymore." Enishi had the guts to at least look her in the eyes when he said it, even as the tears swelled in them. Kaoru became very still. So this is why they had driven out to the spot on the hill he had taken her when they first were going out. This is where he felt most comfortable, and if anything she did was upsetting it wouldn't be in public.
"I see." She chocked a little. "And why, if I may ask?" She thought she was taking this pretty well.
He looked away at that. "It's complex, but essentially it's because you shouldn't be in my life." He paused. "It's better for both of us this way, I can't tell you any more than that. I just hope you'll walk away and not look back."
"Hn." Kaoru's throat had closed up from the impending tears, but she was strong enough to stop them for a while. He started the ignition and drove them back to her house. For a moment neither of them moved. When they got out of the car he made a motion as if he were going to hug her, but then pulled back. His eyes narrowed.
"Hate me if you can. It would be better that way. I deserve it." He waited a moment for Kaoru to react, but it was as if something inside of her had died. She was like a doll. "If you still don't understand after a few days, talk to Himura, he will know why."
"Goodbye." She said tonelessly. Turning around she made her way into the house and shut the door without looking back. Enishi got into his car after watching her go and began to drive away.
He had finally done it. He had stopped using her, at the price of giving her up, giving up on his complex revenge. It would be messier this way, but he didn't care anymore. Himura was at fault again. If it were not for him, then he would not have to give her up. Maybe now she could find someone who deserved her, someone not contaminated by greed, hate, and the incessant coldness of emotion he felt would always possess his soul. Tomoe was going to go unavenged. Everything was wrong. There was no justice. But he had done it to protect her. Then again he hadn't counted on making a huge mistake that hadn't entered his calculations: you just can't fall in love with the tool of revenge. He hadn't even considered love. There was no room for it in his life after Tomoe had died. So far as he was concerned his love had died when she did. But somewhere Kaoru had found a spark of something and whenever he was with her he was at once so happy and so scared of losing her. Rather than continue to live in uncertainty, he had chosen this for himself.
He felt like hurting someone.
He felt like ripping something apart.
He felt empty.
That's why all he did in the end was cry. For the first time since he had heard the news of his sister's death he cried. Somehow, it was worse than if Kaoru had died. She was so close to him, but gone all the same. He was a fool. How could something as cursed as him think that there was any happiness for him in this life? It was certainly not a very happy Valentine's Day.
*
Megumi began to wonder about Kaoru after half a day had passed and she hadn't moved from her room. Sometimes she would look in, but Kaoru was still there, lying in bed and not moving. It was even more alarming that she didn't respond when Megumi said things to her. Megumi talked to Sano, but he didn't know what was wrong. Kenshin was equally clueless. Megumi didn't want to speak to Enishi, partially because she still didn't like him, but mostly because she was sure he was the cause. The next day Megumi left food outside Kaoru's door. She drank the water and ate a few bites and then went back to bed. Other than the fact that she was still functioning, she seemed comatose. Finally, Megumi tried to burst in and get her to respond. Nothing. Frightened, she called Kenshin and told him about Kaoru and her unresponsiveness. Kenshin came over immediately. It was just as bad as Megumi had said. Kaoru had missed a day of classes, but seemed unconcerned with everything around her.
"Kaoru?" Kensin sat down on the bed beside her curled up form. "I don't know what he did to you, but I'm sorry I didn't even get a chance to stop him. I wish I could have warned you about him. Please just tell me what he did to you, and then maybe we can get you some help." Kaoru stirred a little, covering up her face. "Please Kaoru, we all are so worried about you. especially me. I'm sorry I never paid attention to you before. I think I could have prevented this I weren't so messed up inside. Let me help you Kaoru." All at once something inside of her snapped. Kaoru sat up and clung to Kenshin like he were her last link to life. The tears flowed down her cheeks, and her red eyes were slightly sunken betraying her sleeplessness.
"Why did he leave me Kenshin?" Kaoru held him and shook as she spoke. "Why was I so stupid as to give away my heart and not even know it? He said the answers lay with you, and I need those answers."
Kenshin had not expected this. He had underestimated Enishi.
"I'll tell you Kaoru. This starts before he ever met you. Do you remember when I told you about Tomoe?" Kaoru nodded. "Enishi is Tomoe's younger brother, and his sole reason for coming to this school was to take revenge on me, the murderer of his beloved sister. You were part of his plot for revenge." Kaoru jerked away from Kenshin. "I know it is difficult for you to accept this, but I have proof, if you'll clean yourself up and come with me then I can answer all your questions."
Shocked and unable to even think of what she had to face, Kaoru did as Kenshin asked. Maybe she would have some peace for her mind, but more likely her heart was going to break all the more after this. Whatever the outcome, there was no way she could ignore Kenshin's offer.
Disclaimer: I no own Rurouni Kenshin. Bummer.
Chapter 6
He contemplated her with a strange sort of serenity. There was beauty there, and innocence, and in comparison he felt unclean. She had surrendered to him so easily and what had initially been a feeling of triumph had slowly disintegrated into a vague self-loathing. Her purity was something he was never meant to possess. Why had he brought her here knowing that he had sealed the fall of this angel? Things that had been so clear to him seemed less so in the light of morning. His bleary mind wandered around and assessed things around him as he came to his senses.
Slumbering on her stomach, hair in charming disarray, Kaoru seemed happy enough. Enishi ran a hand down the skin of her back and she made a pleased murmur in her sleep. It was odd, for normally he would take a shower and immediately avoid his partners but, other than the fact that it would be detrimental to his plans to do that to her, he found that he didn't want to. Her presence was comforting. He hadn't dreamed at all, and considering how often his dreams made him not want to sleep, it only made her that much more precious in his eyes.
It had been a delightful night. She had been so willing and energetic. if his roommates had thought he had lived like a monk the past few months, there was no way they could accuse him of it now. If anyone had been home then they surely would have heard something. Hopefully the idiots wouldn't say anything to him about it, as he was in no mood to deal with insolent comments. He didn't want to discuss Kaoru with them either, as the idea of them seeing her as cheap or as a sex object made him irritated. Enishi stroked her slightly matted raven hair and she stirred, shifting to one side. No, Kaoru wasn't easy. From his investigations into the people around Himura he knew that the lady by his side had in fact been approached by quite a number of young men initially but her constant frigid attitude was enough to get them to give up. She had been devoted to Himura. 'Had' being the key word. Now she was his and he gloried in the knowledge.
Kaoru made a face in her sleep. She mumbled and shivered. Something was upsetting her, but Enishi didn't know what and was powerless to do anything for her. He gave a low growl in his throat. He hated not being able to do anything, as he was always in control. There were moments where he had been helpless in the past, but he swore that it would never happen to him again. Putting his arms around her, she readily pressed against him. For a moment he considered waking her up to see if she was willing to help him release some of the hormones that her instinctive comfort seeking were stirring as she strained against his body, but eventually he decided not to as more sleep for them both was much more preferable. He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes.
*
Kaoru opened her eyes and tried to figure out where she was because it certainly wasn't her room and there was something generating a lot of heat very near to her. After a quick recap of last night that flashed through her brain she noticed that she was, well, naked and blushing with an arm slung around her. The arm was attached to a lean and handsome white haired man and Kaoru smiled at his peacefully smiling form. Asleep and without his glasses he looked less formidable, and even a little sad. Most men looked like little boys when asleep, but she wondered if he ever had a chance to be a little boy. Sad seemed to be the most appropriate describer. She suppressed the desire to touch him because she figured he would need the sleep and that would surely wake him up. Extracting herself was the top priority. And finding her clothes. She needed to get herself up and out to the gym. As much exercise as she had last night, there was no excuse to miss practicing. Gently rolling away from him she slid to the floor and then got up to search around. Finding her clothes was painfully easy as his room was rather Spartan in appearance.
There was a bed, a desk, a dresser and closet. and a garbage can. Nothing else of note. No clothes strewn about, and not even a clothes hamper in sight. Everything was perfectly ordered and structured to give him the most possible room, and it was all very bland. It was as if something in him were untouchable, that's what this room said to her, but she shoved it aside as idle thought from a tired person. A few hours with a sword would set things right again. First she felt as if she needed to leave something for him though. Maybe a note or something. Digging around in her purse she found an empty envelope and a pen, quickly she scribbled something and left it on his immaculate desk. With an admiring glance in his direction as he lay half with the blankets draped around his hips, Kaoru stepped out of his room and quietly closed the door. No one appeared to be up. That was fine with her as she didn't really want to face his roommates. All that noise. there was no way they couldn't know what happened last night unless they were REALLY drunk.
It was a little past noon, and Kaoru felt a bit bleary and dirty since she hadn't brushed her teeth yet and her hair was all tangled. The walk home was very cold and odd. She spent it considering what this would mean. Except for a couple unexciting experiences with each of her two boyfriends in high school, she had not really had much involvement with sex. What she did know is that her boyfriends had become mindless pigs after they had done it, and that's why she hadn't been too interested in starting up anything when she got to college. Then she had met Kenshin, and Kenshin was different. She trusted him. Enishi was different, but not at all like Kenshin, and she trusted him too in a different way. When it came to Enishi, Kaoru didn't know where she stood. She felt protected and wanted, but there was a vague look he would get once in a while lately and she realized that there was so much that she didn't know about him. Best not to worry now. Stepping up, she slipped the key in her front door and walked in whistling a happy jaunty little melody.
"And what happened to you last night young lady?" Megumi turned off the TV. "You certainly didn't come back last night and." Megumi narrowed her eyes and gave a theatrical gasp. "You had SEX!"
"Not so loud, Megumi, geez." Kaoru tried to make her way upstairs quickly. This was more embarrassing than she needed on a Sunday morning.
"You can't get away that easily!" Megumi followed up the stairs halfway as Kaoru went into her room to change. "I can't believe you actually did it. Seriously, you hardly know him and you're already willing to do that with him. I mean." Megumi sputtered. Kenshin's prospects were getting slimmer with this new development. Kaoru was just on the fast track to getting herself hurt. She felt she needed to do something for Kaoru's sake. "Did he force you?"
"No Megumi, he didn't. It wasn't unpleasant, and I felt perfectly ready and in control of my senses. You don't have to worry about me, really."
Megumi considered this for a minute or two and sat down on the stairs. "Well. so how was he then?"
"MEGUMI!"
"Ok, ok, you can't blame me for asking." Megumi backed down the stairs as Kaoru emerged in her training outfit. Kenshin had some answering to do. What had happened? How had Kaoru ended up at Enishi's after Kenshin saw them? There were a lot of variables here that she must not be seeing. Now was not the time to clarify them though. "Have a good time then. don't work yourself too hard, I'm sure you're probably more sore than you know."
Kaoru paused at the front door and chuckled at that. "Megumi, you are the worst." There was no malice in her words, and only a vague bit of annoyance. She opened the door and stepped out. As the door closed Megumi turned around and started back to her room. Kaoru's head popped back in before the door shut. ". and he was GREAT." The door firmly closed and Megumi chuckled. At least she was happy, but for how long?
*
Practice was gratifying. It helped her focus on nothing but movement and the fact that her body was a little sore in places she forgot existed. The sword's motions were a little jerky because of that, but she made up for it by adding extra strength to it. Sweat poured from her body, and she looked forward to the shower that she would shortly be getting. Being clean would be glorious. Kaoru was just putting things away and stepping out when she ran into Kenshin on her way out. The first reaction on her part was extreme guilt. It was as if she were cutting all her ties with him, and last night was an important step in that. He was probably relieved that she wasn't going to follow him around like a puppy anymore. He was carrying a saber and looked a little frazzled, as if he had been practicing but not doing well. In fact he looked terribly worried for some reason. His brows knit together in an expression of concern and he motioned for Kaoru to follow him.
"Kaoru, I think you should watch out for. Enishi Yukishiro. There is something about him that isn't right." Kaoru swore she could feel something similar to Megumi's accusation ridden tone this morning in Kenshin's voice. "Please, Kaoru, take me seriously, because I, I. care about you and don't want to see you get hurt."
At one time those words would have been enough to send Kaoru into paroxysms of happiness, but now it felt like too little too late. All at once it hit her that she had moved on. There was feeling there for Kenshin, but it had taken a backseat already to her emotional commitment to Enishi. She wondered if that was why she had initiated last night's activities. Maybe she had been looking for a way to move on, but needed that extra push. She had certainly pushed last night. Kenshin had missed his chance. If this little warning wasn't jealousy and actually was friendly concern then that was alright too, but it didn't change the nature of her feelings for Enishi. Even if she wasn't going to call it love, it was more than she had felt in a long time for anyone barring Kenshin, in fact it probably even surpassed her past imagined feelings for Kenshin. Then again, it was going terribly quickly with Enishi. She'd have to be at least a little cautious. Kenshin was giving her a funny look. She had been thinking for a minute or two and he looked as if he expected a response.
"Don't worry Kenshin, I think I know what I'm doing. If I do get hurt, then I'll only be that much wiser for it in the end. Right?" Kaoru gave him a bright smile.
"There's something you're not getting here, and I didn't want to mention it but."
"Then don't. I'm an adult now, and I have to start making decisions like one. I know very well how fast we've seemed to get together and I realize that everyone is concerned, but I wouldn't be so willing to take chances if I didn't trust my friends to support me if things go badly. I'm a strong person. I can take care of things as they are now." Kaoru strode away before Kenshin could say any more. Behind her Kenshin hung his head and clenched his hand around his saber. He would protect Kaoru when the time came. That man was just using her to get to him, but maybe she didn't need to hear that now. She probably wouldn't even believe him. The fact that she might be victimized because of his past mistakes filled him with a terrible rage. He had to protect Kaoru, for his sake as much as hers. If something happened to her he would never be whole again.
*
Kaoru saw Enishi fairly regularly up until finals. Megumi still grumbled a bit but stayed out of things as much as she could manage. Kaoru's absence on weekend nights went largely unremarked on by Megumi except for some analogies between Kaoru and Enishi and bunnies. Finals were hectic, but once they were over everyone was quite at ease. Megumi was going to stay in the house, but Kaoru was required to return home since Christmas was something that was big in her family. Everyone had to get together and go to one relative's house and keep up appearances. Kaoru and her father were mere satellites in this elaborate play, but it did not lessen her responsibility any. Part if what was so important was for her to talk to her dad and tell him her progress in school. That was the part of vacation Kaoru was dreading because it was never enough that Kaoru was doing ok or even well. She had to be the best or he was disappointed in her. It was enough to drive a person mad, and Kaoru had been very happy to leave the house she and her father had shared. She knew he loved her, but it was such a remote and critical love that she wondered sometimes if she needed it at all. Enishi was her stable point until he left for his home, as he had similar responsibilities to present himself to his family. Kaoru was happy with her life. Her friends' pessimism seemed to be unfounded and things were going fine. All in all, she was happy with her life.
*
Enishi saw Kaoru as often as she was willing to see him. She liked her space so he tried not to smother her with attention. At the same time he had noticed that Himura seemed to shadow them once in a while. Kaoru probably never noticed since Himura was good at what he did, but Enishi was very observant and Himura was too distinctive to miss as he was his arch- enemy. Kaoru was growing on him. Questions had begun to pop up and he wasn't sure he wanted Kaoru to learn of his plan to use her to get to Himura. It was the truth, but if there were some way to blackmail that nasty red haired murderer without Kaoru ever finding out, that would be ideal. Already the little man was worried out of his head, and Enishi was sure he had enough of Kaoru's trust to make it so that accusations would be hard to be believed. Even while he wanted to protect Kaoru from the shock, he was worried that he thought that way. Was he losing his edge? Was he losing his hate? It was a terrifying prospect since this mission defined his life and had for years. This slip of a girl was softening him even as he observed himself. He found himself wanting and enjoying sympathizing with her. They were so similar in some ways, and in the ways they were different he found her enjoyable. She laughed so much and there had never been any real joy in his life before. It centered around death and revenge. This girl was not meant for him, and it was unfortunate she had to be caught up in his plot. He would use the break to be away from her and refocus his purpose. If things were going to work he would have to play the game carefully.
*
Kaoru returned from break in mid January with a feeling of ease. Things after Christmas had been pretty dull and now she would get to be with her friends again. There were a few days before classes began and there was plenty of time to do fun things. She had promised Yahiko that they would go to a film festival at the art theater, and she and Megumi were going shopping the next day. Kenshin was going to show her his finished thesis. She had talked with him all through break and he had told her all about how stressful it was to go through the final editing and preparing for his presentation. Soon he would submit it to the committee and see if it got accepted. Kaoru knew there was no way Kenshin would be turned down. He was brilliant, but only he seemed not to know it. Kenshin had also told her all about the fencing competition he had participated in. He had won and was surprised and happy about it, but again there had been no question in anyone's mind that he would win. Kenshin had almost god-like speed when he moved.
The most exciting thing, the thing Kaoru couldn't wait for, was to see Enishi and give him the present she had made for him. She wasn't an artist, but she had a good eye and had found the most beautiful painting of a tiger for him. It was in the Asiatic tradition and looked very clean and stylistic. The only thing Kaoru had done was frame it. She had enough technical prowess to do it and it had taken a long time to fit everything together correctly, but the frame was simple and tight. He needed some sort of decoration in his room, and somehow a tiger just seemed to fit him perfectly. It was large and heavy, but he would find room for her gift somehow. With the picture under her arm she began to trek for his house.
*
Enishi sat in room and thought. Kaoru would get there pretty soon. She had a gift for him, and he had one for her. He wasn't sure what to get her, so he had gotten her jewelry. It had cost a fortune since it was a nicely wrought necklace with a sapphire set in the center, but he didn't care. He had money to burn and getting her a nice gift was important to him, she deserved the best he could give. She'd have enough problems once everything broke with Himura. Enishi squelched his feelings of guilt over that. Sometimes bad things happened. She would get over it. Jewelry could heal many wounds, and the matching earrings to the necklace would be his parting gift to her after he finished with her. The break had forced him back into the sterile environment of his family and renewed again his purpose. Life was revenge, and Kaoru was beginning to get in the way. He would start to distance himself more effectively. That probably meant less sex, and his mind protested automatically. Stupid body, he would conquer his desires.
The doorbell rang, and his heart leaped before he squished it beneath his granite resolve. With a serpentine smile he welcomed Kaoru in. She was carrying an enormous package, and although it was evident that it was a picture, it was wrapped with brown paper so he didn't know what it could be a picture of.
"I thought your room could use some decoration." Kaoru beamed at him with flushed cheeks from the cold and the walk. Her eyes practically glowed. Enishi hated her for a moment for being so very. her. and already chipping away at his resolve to push her away.
"Here." He shoved the box at her. They opened their respective presents. Kaoru gave a little gasp, and looked over at Enishi with her eyebrows raised. She was well aware that this was an expensive gift, even if it were a semi-precious stone. She was going to have a heart attack when she found out what it was made of. With a smirk Enishi finished tearing off the paper on his picture. At first the picture confused him, but then he found himself strangely moved. The picture was primal, and very alive. The tiger was solitary and predatory, and looked like it was out for blood. If that's what she saw in him, she was more insightful than he had credited. In fact, it almost worried him.
"I'll go get some tools to affix a nail over the bed. It will fit there very well." Enishi walked off to another part of the house.
Kaoru sat down and stared at the gift. This was amazing. It was beautiful, but she wondered if she should even accept such an expensive gift. True the painting had been a fair chunk of change, but she had saved a lot by doing the framing herself. There was no way he had spent less than five or six times what she did. Even if he was wealthy, she hoped she never made him feel as if she were simply leeching off of him. He never asked her to pay when they went out, but that was easier to dismiss than this. A bowling game or a dinner once a week was different than this. Even as she thought about giving it back she took it out and went to the bathroom to look at it in the mirror on her neck. It was a chocker and it was the perfect size. Looking in the mirror she noticed something. the stone was the same color as her eyes. If he had done it on purpose of if it were coincidence, that solved her problem for her because the gift enchanted her. With a sigh she took it off and put it back in the box.
Enishi came back with a hammer and a couple nails. It didn't take them long to get everything set up. Now his room look cold and empty, but with a picture in it. That's what Kaoru saw. What Enishi saw was a constant reminder of Kaoru hanging right above his bed. He loved the picture, but there was an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He told himself that this would pass. Momentary emotions, that's all it was. Tomoe, he had to remember Tomoe always. He was so afraid he was losing Tomoe, soon no one would remember her anymore. It would be as if she had never existed. And this was all Himura's fault. An evil grin broke his bland expression as he watched Kaoru straighten out the picture. He would become the tiger.
But a tiger hunts and lives alone.
Kaoru turned to Enishi with a smile. "That looks good right?"
"It's perfect."
"Good, then I think I need to run. Megumi said that she really wanted to go to the grocery store and there's some stuff I need as well. So I'll be off. Feel free to come by this evening and have some dinner of at my place if you're hungry. I'll just be there." Kaoru waved and made her way over to the door, Enishi close behind her. Kaoru gave Enishi a quick kiss. "I'm glad I'm back home, and even more glad that you are too. I can't believe how much I've come to rely on you these past couple months." With a wink she disappeared. Enishi looked down at nothing and eventually wandered over to the couch and sat down to stare at the wall. People like him weren't meant to be happy, and people like her should never get involved with someone fated for destruction. He needed to do some more thinking. Obviously, he could not get a good handle on his current situation.
*
The beginning of February had arrived. Soon Kenshin was going to give his thesis presentation. Soon class work would become much more intense and bog everyone down in routine again. Those were about the only things on Kaoru's mind as she went about her day. That wasn't entirely true, however, because something else was lingering in the back of her thoughts: Enishi. He had been getting more and more odd recently, with his behaviors and mannerisms. Usually he was at least willing to make polite conversation when they came across other people, but for some reason everything he was saying was false. Only Kaoru could really tell, because everyone else thought he was still the same as always. His smiles were more frequent and too big, and often his words held barbs, but people generally ignored it or didn't catch it. The most alarming thing to Kaoru was how he was losing all the softness of character he had slowly gained in the time they had been together. It was as if there were something important he wasn't telling her. It could be his family, since they had both avoided that subject of conversation and yet were so affected by it. It could be general moodiness. The only thing that really alarmed her was the possibility that it could be her.
Kaoru was a practical girl. She wasn't going to give away her heart just because some guy was handsome, or intelligent, or flattering. There were a lot of things about Enishi that were very prickly and unavailable, but she accepted that. Yet, though it all he was always himself around her. There was no front he had to give when they were together. It was a principle of personal honesty that she enjoyed. Lately that hadn't been the case. It was as if there were two of him, one cold and terrible and the other remote but gentle. Whatever was going on, it was getting aggravating. She should say something, but she was afraid of what she would initiate and when all was said and done, she was sure that he meant more to her than a lot of people. maybe even more than anyone else in her life. That concept scared her. But she trusted him. That was all she could do. Without the risk, life would be much more hollow.
Maybe that's why what happened next was inevitable.
*
"I think we shouldn't see one another anymore." Enishi had the guts to at least look her in the eyes when he said it, even as the tears swelled in them. Kaoru became very still. So this is why they had driven out to the spot on the hill he had taken her when they first were going out. This is where he felt most comfortable, and if anything she did was upsetting it wouldn't be in public.
"I see." She chocked a little. "And why, if I may ask?" She thought she was taking this pretty well.
He looked away at that. "It's complex, but essentially it's because you shouldn't be in my life." He paused. "It's better for both of us this way, I can't tell you any more than that. I just hope you'll walk away and not look back."
"Hn." Kaoru's throat had closed up from the impending tears, but she was strong enough to stop them for a while. He started the ignition and drove them back to her house. For a moment neither of them moved. When they got out of the car he made a motion as if he were going to hug her, but then pulled back. His eyes narrowed.
"Hate me if you can. It would be better that way. I deserve it." He waited a moment for Kaoru to react, but it was as if something inside of her had died. She was like a doll. "If you still don't understand after a few days, talk to Himura, he will know why."
"Goodbye." She said tonelessly. Turning around she made her way into the house and shut the door without looking back. Enishi got into his car after watching her go and began to drive away.
He had finally done it. He had stopped using her, at the price of giving her up, giving up on his complex revenge. It would be messier this way, but he didn't care anymore. Himura was at fault again. If it were not for him, then he would not have to give her up. Maybe now she could find someone who deserved her, someone not contaminated by greed, hate, and the incessant coldness of emotion he felt would always possess his soul. Tomoe was going to go unavenged. Everything was wrong. There was no justice. But he had done it to protect her. Then again he hadn't counted on making a huge mistake that hadn't entered his calculations: you just can't fall in love with the tool of revenge. He hadn't even considered love. There was no room for it in his life after Tomoe had died. So far as he was concerned his love had died when she did. But somewhere Kaoru had found a spark of something and whenever he was with her he was at once so happy and so scared of losing her. Rather than continue to live in uncertainty, he had chosen this for himself.
He felt like hurting someone.
He felt like ripping something apart.
He felt empty.
That's why all he did in the end was cry. For the first time since he had heard the news of his sister's death he cried. Somehow, it was worse than if Kaoru had died. She was so close to him, but gone all the same. He was a fool. How could something as cursed as him think that there was any happiness for him in this life? It was certainly not a very happy Valentine's Day.
*
Megumi began to wonder about Kaoru after half a day had passed and she hadn't moved from her room. Sometimes she would look in, but Kaoru was still there, lying in bed and not moving. It was even more alarming that she didn't respond when Megumi said things to her. Megumi talked to Sano, but he didn't know what was wrong. Kenshin was equally clueless. Megumi didn't want to speak to Enishi, partially because she still didn't like him, but mostly because she was sure he was the cause. The next day Megumi left food outside Kaoru's door. She drank the water and ate a few bites and then went back to bed. Other than the fact that she was still functioning, she seemed comatose. Finally, Megumi tried to burst in and get her to respond. Nothing. Frightened, she called Kenshin and told him about Kaoru and her unresponsiveness. Kenshin came over immediately. It was just as bad as Megumi had said. Kaoru had missed a day of classes, but seemed unconcerned with everything around her.
"Kaoru?" Kensin sat down on the bed beside her curled up form. "I don't know what he did to you, but I'm sorry I didn't even get a chance to stop him. I wish I could have warned you about him. Please just tell me what he did to you, and then maybe we can get you some help." Kaoru stirred a little, covering up her face. "Please Kaoru, we all are so worried about you. especially me. I'm sorry I never paid attention to you before. I think I could have prevented this I weren't so messed up inside. Let me help you Kaoru." All at once something inside of her snapped. Kaoru sat up and clung to Kenshin like he were her last link to life. The tears flowed down her cheeks, and her red eyes were slightly sunken betraying her sleeplessness.
"Why did he leave me Kenshin?" Kaoru held him and shook as she spoke. "Why was I so stupid as to give away my heart and not even know it? He said the answers lay with you, and I need those answers."
Kenshin had not expected this. He had underestimated Enishi.
"I'll tell you Kaoru. This starts before he ever met you. Do you remember when I told you about Tomoe?" Kaoru nodded. "Enishi is Tomoe's younger brother, and his sole reason for coming to this school was to take revenge on me, the murderer of his beloved sister. You were part of his plot for revenge." Kaoru jerked away from Kenshin. "I know it is difficult for you to accept this, but I have proof, if you'll clean yourself up and come with me then I can answer all your questions."
Shocked and unable to even think of what she had to face, Kaoru did as Kenshin asked. Maybe she would have some peace for her mind, but more likely her heart was going to break all the more after this. Whatever the outcome, there was no way she could ignore Kenshin's offer.