After a long while of being very busy and not inspired, I decided to just
try and get another chapter done anyway. Heh. I hope I can make the
ending work. I generally don't like sad endings, but I think I may have
written myself into a corner. Nyar. This chapter is NOT the ending, there
will be one more chapter. Sorry to leave things slightly untied with this
one, but maybe I'll get the time or impetus to finish this fic and get on
to a sequel to my Draco/Hermione fic that I promised to write long ago. At
any rate, hope this chapter is somewhat enjoyable.
Chapter 7
Kaoru listlessly walked into Kenshin's apartment. Even though she was anxious to know more, she couldn't shake the passive sadness that had immobilized her for so long. It was a terrible thing really. Just when she thought maybe she could move forward with her life, maybe that things were going well, everything feel apart around her. The worst part of it all was the feeling of vulnerability. She was a strong girl, but she didn't feel strong enough to put her will up against anyone at that moment. Kenshin, for good or for ill, probably knew that. Kaoru wondered what he was going to tell her.
"Sit down Kaoru. This is probably not going to be pleasant."
"Fine." Terse and sullen, her meaning was clear that he had better have something good.
Kenshin cleared his throat a blushed a little. He really was quite an adorable man. Kaoru couldn't help but soften just a little at his nervousness. His words erased that ray of compassion immediately. "The first time I met Enishi was that night at the theater. I went there to meet you two on purpose. I wanted to see who this person was who had captivated you. Honestly, I was jealous. Your attention had been mine alone for so long, and even if I hadn't wanted it. it was comforting in its consistency and flattering as well. As soon as you were taken away, I thought maybe I did want you after all. It is a terrible irony that that is how we humans have to work, that we never know how much something means to us until its gone." Kenshin got a distant look in his eyes as he spaced out a moment.
"Anyway, that was the first time I had ever met Enishi. though I had heard Tomoe speak of him fondly I had only seen a few childish pictures of a black haired and myopic imp. I never would have connected the two of them now, until he made it very clear to me who he was. If that were all, I never would have pursued the issue, I would have let things be, but he also said something else to me that night. 'Enjoy your time with her while you can, the future is very uncertain you know', and that's all he needed to say for me understand several things. The first was that you were in trouble, without a doubt in my mind I knew that. The second was that his revenge was something he enjoyed. The way he smiled and easily touched you. I never wanted to hurt someone more than in that moment. That's why. it's the reason.. I followed you on nearly every one of your dates after that." Kaoru gave a sharp intake of breath. This was honestly kind of scary to hear from Kenshin, his eyes had an odd glimmer that she didn't understand. If she didn't know better it was rage, but Kenshin never got angry.
"I know it is a terrible thing to have invaded your privacy like that, but I thought it would be the only way to make sure you were safe. I worried the most whenever you went home with him, and I waited until morning when you left to make sure you were ok. I felt like a wreck, sure that someday you wouldn't come out of the house and I'd find you in a ditch somewhere. or I was waiting for the day when you got pregnant and he left you just to get to me. Something, I don't what, was going to happen to you. Maybe after a week or two I would have dismissed things, but then it happened again." Kenshin took a deep breath as his voice also altered as he spoke, deeper, more monotone. "You were at a restaurant. I left to go to the bathroom and as I was coming out, Enishi was there leaning against a wall, waiting for me. Without looking up at me he said 'We're going to get desert somewhere else after this before we go back to the house, so you can save yourself the trouble and just wait there since it's a bit of a drive and you must want to enjoy your dinner.' Then he looked up and smiled. He had known for who knows how long that I had been following you two. I felt so much shame. I swore to myself I would tell him something, anything, to see if maybe I had been mistaken about his intentions, but as soon as I opened my mouth his smile turned ugly. He told me 'You won't know until it happens, but then that's justice. You took something from me suddenly, and soon I'll take her from you. Death will be too good for you. and if you keep following us maybe for her too.' Then he laughed and walked away."
Kaoru wondered if she should believe Kenshin. He could be making this up. Her mind rebelled against thinking Enishi was capable of something so sinister. Come on, you always thought he had a mean streak in him. A voice in her head murmured. She killed it as fast as she could. "Why, Kenshin? Why should I believe your story? You don't exactly pain a nice portrait of yourself in this, my good stalker. Truly, I have even more reason to think you made it up if that is true."
Kenshin sighed. "You can ask Enishi if you like. I don't care. But I am telling you the truth because you deserve a reason that he left. I don't want you to pine over trash like him, and I don't care what opinion you take of me after this because I am just trying to help you."
Kaoru jumped up. "You've done plenty, you bastard!" Her head was throbbing and tears were starting to form at the edges of her eyes. "If you hadn't killed his sister than I could have had a normal life with the man I love! I hate you! I hate him! Fuck you both!" She stormed out of the apartment and slammed the door.
Having expected something like this, Kenshin watched from the window as Kaoru made her way down the street in the opposite direction from her home. He knew he wasn't supposed to go after her in this situation. The overwhelming feeling that he had lost her was a stain on his heart. On the one hand, he knew that he had been really fond of her and had merely not let himself desire her and that spoke well for his emotional recovery from Tomoe. Then again, he had already lost her. That didn't matter now though, as much as he hated to admit it, Enishi had done the right thing in letting her go and he had to respect the fact that it was Kaoru herself who had probably changed him. Nothing less than obsession or a similarly strong emotion would get Enishi to release his perfect revenge. He wasn't going to tell Kaoru that, even though that would have been a decent thing to do. She would have had more faith in Enishi again, more faith in himself as well. But he didn't want her to be with Enishi again. Kaoru should have been his. pride and heart stinging Kenshin felt his conscience urge him to pick up the phone.
Eventually, he had to pick up the phone.
*
Enishi stood there, coat blowing around him as the dead brown world around him reflected his brittle attitude in that moment. For some reason he was coming to meet his mortal enemy. Why he hadn't slammed down the phone the second he had heard that distinctive, unsure, hatful voice he was not sure. But he was here now. It had better be important, he had a lot of things to do. Transferring schools was going to be hard enough a month into the semester and he had a lot of calls to make and things to box up. He would have been done already, but he had been avoiding his room and her. that picture. A car pulled up, a red haired man stepped out. Enishi already felt his fighting blood stir. Yes he still wanted this man to die by his hands, and maybe in a less judicially observant time he would have done so. Maybe he still would.
"I know you don't want to hear anything I have to say, but this isn't about me." Kenshin felt his defenses go up. Enishi practically exuded his hate like an essence. Something in Kenshin's heart stirred in response, something angry at being targeted by the world, something that wanted to see fresh blood. Shoving down these unpleasant thoughts, he continued. "She is very hurt right now, and may do something drastic. I told her the truth, but she needs to hear it from you."
"Hell if I'm telling her that. You have no right to say these things to me. I don't even know why I came here." He began to turn and walk away before he actually did throw a punch at the little man who would always be a murderer in his eyes.
"Then I guess I love her more than you do." The words were our before Kenshin could stop them. Maybe he didn't want to stop them.
Enishi launched himself at Kenshin. His fist smashed into Kenshin's nose and eye before Kenshin landed one in Enishi's gut hard enough to wind him. They pulled away from one another. Enishi immediately thought of the sword still in his trunk, but it was too far away. The two men circled one another slowly, calculatingly. Enishi was the first to attack yet again, and Kenshin was fast, but Enishi's reach was long enough to cancel out Kenshin's speed and the two men locked together yet again. Blood splattered the ground as Kenshin split open Enishi's lip, it would probably need stitches. Rushing forward, Enishi slammed Kenshin into a tree. Judging from the crack his head made against the trunk, it would certainly result in a concussion. Slumping to the ground, both men gasped and choked from their sudden painful exertion. The pain in Enishi's jaw was enormous, and he avoided touching it. Kenshin groaned.
"You took both of them from me. I hate you. I've always hated you." Enishi mumbled under his breath, trying not to say anything around his possibly broken jaw.
"I've lost as well. Maybe not as much as you. But I haven't used it as an excuse to not continue living my life. or at least I won't let it be an excuse anymore. I suggest you do the same. For both of your sakes." Kenshin stood up and felt dizzy and in pain. "You'll never see me again after this, and I'm sure we'll both be happier that way. Just make things right with her. What with her uncertain behavior and impetuistic decisions. I just don't want to be the one saying 'If only I could have done something to stop her.'." He paused a moment. "She almost stopped functioning since you left her." Kenshin knew he was implying something far fetched because Kaoru would never commit suicide, but he had to make sure Enishi would know the situation was dire. Leaving without another word, Kenshin tried to keep himself together enough to get to his car. It was going to be an unpleasant trip home.
Enishi sat on the ground a moment or two longer. He was a coward for not telling her the truth. The bastard may have had a point in that, even if he was waste of human life. Sure beat the crap out of you though, never thought the jellyfish could do it. Squishing down the rogue admiration, he stood up and drove himself to the hospital. First things first, he thought, and then once I can speak again Kaoru will hear everything. But even he did not know what this concept of everything would actually entail.
*
Kenshin closed the door behind him, only to discover a form silently staring at him from his couch. With a gasp that had him immediately clutching his head, he recognized Kaoru's scowl. At first she seemed dour, but she leapt up from the couch with a look of concern as she saw the bloody scrapes on his face and quickly blackening eye. Helping Kenshin over to the couch to sit down, she got some frozen veggies from the freezer for his eye. Applying it gently until he took it from her grasp, she silently regarded him until he said something.
"I was in a fight."
"Obviously."
"Over you." She was silent at that. "As much as I never want to admit it, and as much as I think you two should not be together, I think he may actually love you as much as he is capable of doing so." Kenshin scowled. "I say that as your friend, and not as the man who just broke someone's jaw for the right to go after you. I'm not proud of my actions. I haven't been for a while. But I think that maybe I'll be able to get on the right track now, and lead a more normal life." Kaoru regarded him for a moment, then smiled.
"I went for a very long walk while you were gone. I thought out some things. Before I make a decision, I need to hear what Enishi had to say about all this. Once I hear things from him, then I'll let you know what I'm going to do. You were right though, anyone out to use me doesn't deserve to destroy my soul like he did. I'm stronger than that, but I'm not able to recover as quickly as it appears right now." Her smile wavered. "I'll always love you Kenshin, but I think that regardless of how this turns out I may not be able to love you as more than a friend for a long time, if ever. I'm sorry."
Kenshin closed his eyes and let the pain in his head make shapes in the rosy darkness. It would be ok. Everything hurt like hell, but it really would be ok eventually. "I know. Sometimes fate works in terrible ways. Even so, I'd appreciate it if maybe you could call Sano and get him to come over." Someone had to be here to make sure he didn't fall asleep if he did have a concussion.
"Sure." Kaoru got up and walked away.
*
Kaoru had stayed until a while after Sano got there. Having been no stranger to fighting from an early age up until now, he knew how to take care of things. Kenshin was beat up, but not past hope. If anything Sano was impressed that the passive little man had actually been in a fight let alone fought back. Kenshin tried to reconcile things in his own head, since a part of his had been very pleased when Enishi's lip had bled all over, but he knew that he could keep a firm grip on that evil in his heart. He wasn't afraid he had to be perfect anymore. It wasn't a happy way to live. Kenshin just hoped that Kaoru would find some peace for herself as well.
At that moment Kaoru was stopped in entranceway of her house, a stunned look on her face. Enishi was sitting there, a bag of ice in one hand and with several stitches in his lip. He also looked worse for the wear, just like Kenshin. He stood up, as did Megumi, who had probably only reluctantly let him in as she did not trust him one bit. Why she even let him in at all was a mystery, but maybe he didn't come from a family of lawyers for nothing. Megumi, for once being somewhat tactful, moved to her room to give them some time alone. Kaoru's eyes never left Enishi's as Megumi vacated the premises.
"You don't look very shocked to see me, considering." Enishi tried not to grimace as he spoke.
"I was with Kenshin before I came home. Sano's helping him now." Kaoru saw an ugly expression flit across his face at Kenshin's name. He can't hide his feelings anymore, I guess she thought to herself. Suddenly, she felt very tired again. Purposefully, she hardened her attitude. It was so difficult to hate him, even now. "What do you want?"
"I needed to talk to you. to tell you." He started, but Kaoru interrupted.
"What, that Kenshin was right? That you used me? Threatened me? That our relationship was a lie from the start? Any part of me that doubted it from the beginning had slowly come to realize that your being here right now is as much proof as I need that it is all true." His head hung down, he couldn't meet her eyes any more. "I have been close enough to catatonic for several days thinking again and again what I might have done wrong, why you left. The possibility that you were going to destroy me was not one of the things I had assumed would end our relationship. I would be showing you out right now if it were not for the fact that I am a curious person. I want to know why you broke up with me when you did. why you didn't follow through with your plans whatever they were. Why?" Kaoru sat down opposite from where her stood. She was so close to falling apart. This show of strength was all she had left. A lot of things were contingent on his answers right now.
The words were so difficult to extract. "I think that there was a time when all your accusations would have been perfectly correct." Her face fell and his heart cracked inside. "If I were a better villain I would have dropped the plan involving you and found a new one the second that I actually began to enjoy your company. You reminded me of my sister at first. that was where it started. You seemed so much like her, and it just made me hate Kenshin all the more. Every time you smiled, I thought maybe I was getting that much closer to what I had lost. But as time went on you resembled her less and she resembled you more. then there was just you. I was scared. I was losing focus. The hate was harder to retain around you, it was like part of what defined me was being lost and I was happy about it?" He ran his hand through his hair and came back with some grit and a twig or two. "Damn it Kaoru, you got under my skin and I couldn't stop loving you if I tried. I knew that I couldn't go through with it any more. I couldn't use you to get to him. Most importantly I knew that I was the last person you should ever be with. I was filth, and you were like an angel. I don't know what to say." He turned away from her.
She had needed to hear this all so badly. It was the best she could have hoped for considering. He had changed. He loved her. There was hope.
It was a beautiful moment for her.
"I think you should leave." Her words were soft.
"What?" Enishi felt something inside of him burst. He had told her. but what was this?
"You need to leave right now. I did love you. But the you I loved was just a projection, something unreal and assumed to make me like you."
"No, Kaoru.. I swear.." Enishi sputtered.
"No matter what you say, you can never convince me that some part of what we were wasn't fake. For me to give you another chance I would have to be a different me, and you would have to be the real you. I love you Enishi. But I just can't trust you anymore."
"You're choosing Himura?"
"Me not choosing you is not synonymous with me choosing Kenshin. If it makes you feel better, no I'm not going to go out with Kenshin. You have changed me Enishi. You've given me something to reach for, and I don't think that Kenshin can ever give me that. Maybe no one can. We'll see. Have faith in me though. Can you honestly say you love me?"
"Yes. I may not be sure of some things in my life, but I will always love you."
"If you trust that, then I pity you and admire you. No one could accuse you of inconsistency." Kaoru rose and kissed Enishi lightly on the cheek. "Goodbye." He walked towards the door, confused and saddened. This was not what he had expected to come of his confession.
"I'm transferring next week Kaoru. You won't even have to see me any more. I'm sorry I ever came into your life for your sake. I'm just so sorry." He closed the door behind him and walked to his car numbly.
Kaoru felt something inside of her unwind. Things were going to be different. She would have a new start and so would he. Maybe she would get it right this time. But right now she had to heal, and so did he. So did Kenshin for that matter. Time would help things, but she was taking a terrible gamble. If she were wrong, then everything she had come to treasure would be lost. All she could hope for was that Enishi had no lied when he said he would always love her.
Chapter 7
Kaoru listlessly walked into Kenshin's apartment. Even though she was anxious to know more, she couldn't shake the passive sadness that had immobilized her for so long. It was a terrible thing really. Just when she thought maybe she could move forward with her life, maybe that things were going well, everything feel apart around her. The worst part of it all was the feeling of vulnerability. She was a strong girl, but she didn't feel strong enough to put her will up against anyone at that moment. Kenshin, for good or for ill, probably knew that. Kaoru wondered what he was going to tell her.
"Sit down Kaoru. This is probably not going to be pleasant."
"Fine." Terse and sullen, her meaning was clear that he had better have something good.
Kenshin cleared his throat a blushed a little. He really was quite an adorable man. Kaoru couldn't help but soften just a little at his nervousness. His words erased that ray of compassion immediately. "The first time I met Enishi was that night at the theater. I went there to meet you two on purpose. I wanted to see who this person was who had captivated you. Honestly, I was jealous. Your attention had been mine alone for so long, and even if I hadn't wanted it. it was comforting in its consistency and flattering as well. As soon as you were taken away, I thought maybe I did want you after all. It is a terrible irony that that is how we humans have to work, that we never know how much something means to us until its gone." Kenshin got a distant look in his eyes as he spaced out a moment.
"Anyway, that was the first time I had ever met Enishi. though I had heard Tomoe speak of him fondly I had only seen a few childish pictures of a black haired and myopic imp. I never would have connected the two of them now, until he made it very clear to me who he was. If that were all, I never would have pursued the issue, I would have let things be, but he also said something else to me that night. 'Enjoy your time with her while you can, the future is very uncertain you know', and that's all he needed to say for me understand several things. The first was that you were in trouble, without a doubt in my mind I knew that. The second was that his revenge was something he enjoyed. The way he smiled and easily touched you. I never wanted to hurt someone more than in that moment. That's why. it's the reason.. I followed you on nearly every one of your dates after that." Kaoru gave a sharp intake of breath. This was honestly kind of scary to hear from Kenshin, his eyes had an odd glimmer that she didn't understand. If she didn't know better it was rage, but Kenshin never got angry.
"I know it is a terrible thing to have invaded your privacy like that, but I thought it would be the only way to make sure you were safe. I worried the most whenever you went home with him, and I waited until morning when you left to make sure you were ok. I felt like a wreck, sure that someday you wouldn't come out of the house and I'd find you in a ditch somewhere. or I was waiting for the day when you got pregnant and he left you just to get to me. Something, I don't what, was going to happen to you. Maybe after a week or two I would have dismissed things, but then it happened again." Kenshin took a deep breath as his voice also altered as he spoke, deeper, more monotone. "You were at a restaurant. I left to go to the bathroom and as I was coming out, Enishi was there leaning against a wall, waiting for me. Without looking up at me he said 'We're going to get desert somewhere else after this before we go back to the house, so you can save yourself the trouble and just wait there since it's a bit of a drive and you must want to enjoy your dinner.' Then he looked up and smiled. He had known for who knows how long that I had been following you two. I felt so much shame. I swore to myself I would tell him something, anything, to see if maybe I had been mistaken about his intentions, but as soon as I opened my mouth his smile turned ugly. He told me 'You won't know until it happens, but then that's justice. You took something from me suddenly, and soon I'll take her from you. Death will be too good for you. and if you keep following us maybe for her too.' Then he laughed and walked away."
Kaoru wondered if she should believe Kenshin. He could be making this up. Her mind rebelled against thinking Enishi was capable of something so sinister. Come on, you always thought he had a mean streak in him. A voice in her head murmured. She killed it as fast as she could. "Why, Kenshin? Why should I believe your story? You don't exactly pain a nice portrait of yourself in this, my good stalker. Truly, I have even more reason to think you made it up if that is true."
Kenshin sighed. "You can ask Enishi if you like. I don't care. But I am telling you the truth because you deserve a reason that he left. I don't want you to pine over trash like him, and I don't care what opinion you take of me after this because I am just trying to help you."
Kaoru jumped up. "You've done plenty, you bastard!" Her head was throbbing and tears were starting to form at the edges of her eyes. "If you hadn't killed his sister than I could have had a normal life with the man I love! I hate you! I hate him! Fuck you both!" She stormed out of the apartment and slammed the door.
Having expected something like this, Kenshin watched from the window as Kaoru made her way down the street in the opposite direction from her home. He knew he wasn't supposed to go after her in this situation. The overwhelming feeling that he had lost her was a stain on his heart. On the one hand, he knew that he had been really fond of her and had merely not let himself desire her and that spoke well for his emotional recovery from Tomoe. Then again, he had already lost her. That didn't matter now though, as much as he hated to admit it, Enishi had done the right thing in letting her go and he had to respect the fact that it was Kaoru herself who had probably changed him. Nothing less than obsession or a similarly strong emotion would get Enishi to release his perfect revenge. He wasn't going to tell Kaoru that, even though that would have been a decent thing to do. She would have had more faith in Enishi again, more faith in himself as well. But he didn't want her to be with Enishi again. Kaoru should have been his. pride and heart stinging Kenshin felt his conscience urge him to pick up the phone.
Eventually, he had to pick up the phone.
*
Enishi stood there, coat blowing around him as the dead brown world around him reflected his brittle attitude in that moment. For some reason he was coming to meet his mortal enemy. Why he hadn't slammed down the phone the second he had heard that distinctive, unsure, hatful voice he was not sure. But he was here now. It had better be important, he had a lot of things to do. Transferring schools was going to be hard enough a month into the semester and he had a lot of calls to make and things to box up. He would have been done already, but he had been avoiding his room and her. that picture. A car pulled up, a red haired man stepped out. Enishi already felt his fighting blood stir. Yes he still wanted this man to die by his hands, and maybe in a less judicially observant time he would have done so. Maybe he still would.
"I know you don't want to hear anything I have to say, but this isn't about me." Kenshin felt his defenses go up. Enishi practically exuded his hate like an essence. Something in Kenshin's heart stirred in response, something angry at being targeted by the world, something that wanted to see fresh blood. Shoving down these unpleasant thoughts, he continued. "She is very hurt right now, and may do something drastic. I told her the truth, but she needs to hear it from you."
"Hell if I'm telling her that. You have no right to say these things to me. I don't even know why I came here." He began to turn and walk away before he actually did throw a punch at the little man who would always be a murderer in his eyes.
"Then I guess I love her more than you do." The words were our before Kenshin could stop them. Maybe he didn't want to stop them.
Enishi launched himself at Kenshin. His fist smashed into Kenshin's nose and eye before Kenshin landed one in Enishi's gut hard enough to wind him. They pulled away from one another. Enishi immediately thought of the sword still in his trunk, but it was too far away. The two men circled one another slowly, calculatingly. Enishi was the first to attack yet again, and Kenshin was fast, but Enishi's reach was long enough to cancel out Kenshin's speed and the two men locked together yet again. Blood splattered the ground as Kenshin split open Enishi's lip, it would probably need stitches. Rushing forward, Enishi slammed Kenshin into a tree. Judging from the crack his head made against the trunk, it would certainly result in a concussion. Slumping to the ground, both men gasped and choked from their sudden painful exertion. The pain in Enishi's jaw was enormous, and he avoided touching it. Kenshin groaned.
"You took both of them from me. I hate you. I've always hated you." Enishi mumbled under his breath, trying not to say anything around his possibly broken jaw.
"I've lost as well. Maybe not as much as you. But I haven't used it as an excuse to not continue living my life. or at least I won't let it be an excuse anymore. I suggest you do the same. For both of your sakes." Kenshin stood up and felt dizzy and in pain. "You'll never see me again after this, and I'm sure we'll both be happier that way. Just make things right with her. What with her uncertain behavior and impetuistic decisions. I just don't want to be the one saying 'If only I could have done something to stop her.'." He paused a moment. "She almost stopped functioning since you left her." Kenshin knew he was implying something far fetched because Kaoru would never commit suicide, but he had to make sure Enishi would know the situation was dire. Leaving without another word, Kenshin tried to keep himself together enough to get to his car. It was going to be an unpleasant trip home.
Enishi sat on the ground a moment or two longer. He was a coward for not telling her the truth. The bastard may have had a point in that, even if he was waste of human life. Sure beat the crap out of you though, never thought the jellyfish could do it. Squishing down the rogue admiration, he stood up and drove himself to the hospital. First things first, he thought, and then once I can speak again Kaoru will hear everything. But even he did not know what this concept of everything would actually entail.
*
Kenshin closed the door behind him, only to discover a form silently staring at him from his couch. With a gasp that had him immediately clutching his head, he recognized Kaoru's scowl. At first she seemed dour, but she leapt up from the couch with a look of concern as she saw the bloody scrapes on his face and quickly blackening eye. Helping Kenshin over to the couch to sit down, she got some frozen veggies from the freezer for his eye. Applying it gently until he took it from her grasp, she silently regarded him until he said something.
"I was in a fight."
"Obviously."
"Over you." She was silent at that. "As much as I never want to admit it, and as much as I think you two should not be together, I think he may actually love you as much as he is capable of doing so." Kenshin scowled. "I say that as your friend, and not as the man who just broke someone's jaw for the right to go after you. I'm not proud of my actions. I haven't been for a while. But I think that maybe I'll be able to get on the right track now, and lead a more normal life." Kaoru regarded him for a moment, then smiled.
"I went for a very long walk while you were gone. I thought out some things. Before I make a decision, I need to hear what Enishi had to say about all this. Once I hear things from him, then I'll let you know what I'm going to do. You were right though, anyone out to use me doesn't deserve to destroy my soul like he did. I'm stronger than that, but I'm not able to recover as quickly as it appears right now." Her smile wavered. "I'll always love you Kenshin, but I think that regardless of how this turns out I may not be able to love you as more than a friend for a long time, if ever. I'm sorry."
Kenshin closed his eyes and let the pain in his head make shapes in the rosy darkness. It would be ok. Everything hurt like hell, but it really would be ok eventually. "I know. Sometimes fate works in terrible ways. Even so, I'd appreciate it if maybe you could call Sano and get him to come over." Someone had to be here to make sure he didn't fall asleep if he did have a concussion.
"Sure." Kaoru got up and walked away.
*
Kaoru had stayed until a while after Sano got there. Having been no stranger to fighting from an early age up until now, he knew how to take care of things. Kenshin was beat up, but not past hope. If anything Sano was impressed that the passive little man had actually been in a fight let alone fought back. Kenshin tried to reconcile things in his own head, since a part of his had been very pleased when Enishi's lip had bled all over, but he knew that he could keep a firm grip on that evil in his heart. He wasn't afraid he had to be perfect anymore. It wasn't a happy way to live. Kenshin just hoped that Kaoru would find some peace for herself as well.
At that moment Kaoru was stopped in entranceway of her house, a stunned look on her face. Enishi was sitting there, a bag of ice in one hand and with several stitches in his lip. He also looked worse for the wear, just like Kenshin. He stood up, as did Megumi, who had probably only reluctantly let him in as she did not trust him one bit. Why she even let him in at all was a mystery, but maybe he didn't come from a family of lawyers for nothing. Megumi, for once being somewhat tactful, moved to her room to give them some time alone. Kaoru's eyes never left Enishi's as Megumi vacated the premises.
"You don't look very shocked to see me, considering." Enishi tried not to grimace as he spoke.
"I was with Kenshin before I came home. Sano's helping him now." Kaoru saw an ugly expression flit across his face at Kenshin's name. He can't hide his feelings anymore, I guess she thought to herself. Suddenly, she felt very tired again. Purposefully, she hardened her attitude. It was so difficult to hate him, even now. "What do you want?"
"I needed to talk to you. to tell you." He started, but Kaoru interrupted.
"What, that Kenshin was right? That you used me? Threatened me? That our relationship was a lie from the start? Any part of me that doubted it from the beginning had slowly come to realize that your being here right now is as much proof as I need that it is all true." His head hung down, he couldn't meet her eyes any more. "I have been close enough to catatonic for several days thinking again and again what I might have done wrong, why you left. The possibility that you were going to destroy me was not one of the things I had assumed would end our relationship. I would be showing you out right now if it were not for the fact that I am a curious person. I want to know why you broke up with me when you did. why you didn't follow through with your plans whatever they were. Why?" Kaoru sat down opposite from where her stood. She was so close to falling apart. This show of strength was all she had left. A lot of things were contingent on his answers right now.
The words were so difficult to extract. "I think that there was a time when all your accusations would have been perfectly correct." Her face fell and his heart cracked inside. "If I were a better villain I would have dropped the plan involving you and found a new one the second that I actually began to enjoy your company. You reminded me of my sister at first. that was where it started. You seemed so much like her, and it just made me hate Kenshin all the more. Every time you smiled, I thought maybe I was getting that much closer to what I had lost. But as time went on you resembled her less and she resembled you more. then there was just you. I was scared. I was losing focus. The hate was harder to retain around you, it was like part of what defined me was being lost and I was happy about it?" He ran his hand through his hair and came back with some grit and a twig or two. "Damn it Kaoru, you got under my skin and I couldn't stop loving you if I tried. I knew that I couldn't go through with it any more. I couldn't use you to get to him. Most importantly I knew that I was the last person you should ever be with. I was filth, and you were like an angel. I don't know what to say." He turned away from her.
She had needed to hear this all so badly. It was the best she could have hoped for considering. He had changed. He loved her. There was hope.
It was a beautiful moment for her.
"I think you should leave." Her words were soft.
"What?" Enishi felt something inside of him burst. He had told her. but what was this?
"You need to leave right now. I did love you. But the you I loved was just a projection, something unreal and assumed to make me like you."
"No, Kaoru.. I swear.." Enishi sputtered.
"No matter what you say, you can never convince me that some part of what we were wasn't fake. For me to give you another chance I would have to be a different me, and you would have to be the real you. I love you Enishi. But I just can't trust you anymore."
"You're choosing Himura?"
"Me not choosing you is not synonymous with me choosing Kenshin. If it makes you feel better, no I'm not going to go out with Kenshin. You have changed me Enishi. You've given me something to reach for, and I don't think that Kenshin can ever give me that. Maybe no one can. We'll see. Have faith in me though. Can you honestly say you love me?"
"Yes. I may not be sure of some things in my life, but I will always love you."
"If you trust that, then I pity you and admire you. No one could accuse you of inconsistency." Kaoru rose and kissed Enishi lightly on the cheek. "Goodbye." He walked towards the door, confused and saddened. This was not what he had expected to come of his confession.
"I'm transferring next week Kaoru. You won't even have to see me any more. I'm sorry I ever came into your life for your sake. I'm just so sorry." He closed the door behind him and walked to his car numbly.
Kaoru felt something inside of her unwind. Things were going to be different. She would have a new start and so would he. Maybe she would get it right this time. But right now she had to heal, and so did he. So did Kenshin for that matter. Time would help things, but she was taking a terrible gamble. If she were wrong, then everything she had come to treasure would be lost. All she could hope for was that Enishi had no lied when he said he would always love her.