Chapter Two: Home Sweet Home?

Lara was not accustomed to raving, but after making her startling discovery that she had switched
bodies with Indiana, it was all she could do to keep from blubbering. After stuttering several
undistinguishable sentences, Lara finally managed to ask the auburn haired woman who was
staring at her strangely, "What the hell is the matter with me?"

The gorgeous Katherine Steed looked taken aback at this inquiry and merely answered, "Other
than the fact that you look strangely different, everything is perfectly all right." She peered into
her male companion's eyes and commented, "You must have hit your hard rather hard when you
fell."

Lara gritted her um, Indiana's teeth in frustration and responded caustically, "How can you
tell; is there a big gash in my head?" Not waiting for an answer, she shoved her way past
Katherine and went to stand between the femur bone of a skeleton and a battered whip. "Here is
your precious skeleton. Now let's analyze it and get the hel "

"Before you go any further, my I ask why you are using profanity and shouting at me?" Katherine
put her hands on her hips in annoyance.

Lara couldn't explain to this stranger that she was Lara Croft, had switched bodies with Indiana
Jones, and consequently was so frightened, that the only logical thing she could think of doing
was yell. She did, however, have a feeble excuse, which she used quite sheepishly. "I guess I'm
not myself today."

Katherine nodded in understanding, and she and several other scientists began examining the
remains of the skeleton, whip, and fedora. They carefully took samples of the femur, the only
bone that hadn't disintegrated over the past twenty years.

Lara just stood nearby, trying to gain her bearings. She certainly couldn't tell Katherine of the
unfortunate incident, but what could she do? Well, she was going to England, that much she was
certain. She had to find Indy, and if Indy was thinking like she hoped he was, he would be going
to England to try to sort out this little problem. After all, he was now Lara Croft, and Lara lived
in Derbyshire, England.

With this new resolution, Lara turned to the busy crew and announced, "I'm going to England
after this expedition."

Katherine Steed did not seem at all fazed at this rather overbearing remark. "Of course you are
Indy; you live in England now, near London, remember? You're going to start teaching at Oxford
next Monday."

Lara suspicions aroused at this comment. Since she last spoke to him, Indian Jones had moved
from America to England. From the way he had been talking, he had been quite satisfied with his
life in the U.S.A. Now he was in her homeland, and it all seemed rather conspicuous. Had he
missed her and wanted to be near her? Lara's ego got the better of her, and she simpered wildly
at this last thought. That HAD to be the reason.

The archeologists had finished their investigation and were advancing toward the heavy hemp
rope dangling from the ceiling.

Katherine motioned for Indy to follow her, saying dryly, "You know, you could've helped us
with the skeleton."

Heading towards the rope, Lara smiled sheepishly and replied, "I guess I got lost in my own
thoughts." She then proceeded to climb the rope, or at least tried to. Lara was not accustomed to
maneuvering Indiana's brawny limbs, and she slip several times as she tried to pull her now
much larger amount of weight up the rope. She finally managed, and she soon was standing
firmly above the ancient temple.

When Katherine reached the top, the two began treading toward several dust laden jeeps.
Katherine was holding a calculator and was immersed in several complex computations.
"According to the data we've collected, that skeleton was about as old as you, and from the same
era. I assume he knew of your many exploits and wanted to imitate you in every way.
Unfortunately, he wasn't nearly successful." She smiled jovially at her handsome friend.
Obviously, she was very attracted to Indiana and his fascinating story about finding the fountain
of youth, but her adoration wasn't enough to be considered love.

However, Lara could not tell this, and jealousy momentarily took control of her senses. "I hope
you can get the DNA from this skeleton," she remarked rather icily.

Katherine was rather taken aback at Indiana's cool tone, but she remained silent. She would most
likely offend him more if she mentioned his cruel attitude.

Soon Lara was flying to England, and with every mile, Lara became more anxious to know what
had become of her body.

*****************

If Lara had been omniscient, she would have known that the minute Indy learned of their
unfortunate predicament, he packed his bags and got the nearest flight to England.

As soon as he got off the plane, he hailed a cab for Derbyshire. He figured that Lara was already
at her mansion, waiting for him. She would know how to get them out of this mess, for, after all,
she had been the one to get them into the dilemma in the first place. Or at least he assumed so.
He hadn't done anything. Unfortunately, Lara was not at her house, yet, so Indy begrudgingly
paid the taxi drive the large amount of cash and treaded to the steps.

Winston, Lara's trusty old butler, silently crept to the front door and opened it for his mistress.
"Welcome home, Miss Croft," he croaked in his gravelly voice. His weathered face gazed
adoringly at the lovely creature before him. He loved Lara like his daughter, and it always pained
him when she went on one of her daring adventures. He was always relieved when she returned
home in one piece.

Indiana felt rather uncomfortable under Winston's loving gaze. It was strange to be thought of as
a woman, especially by the kind butler. "Hello, Winston, nice to see you again." Indy let go of his
luggage and enveloped Winston in a hug, something sentimental he was sure Lara would do.

However, Lara did not customarily give her butler a hug after coming home, so Winston was
very much amazed at this warm gesture. Winston was not the type to question any action of his
mistress, so he merely picked up her luggage and headed for the staircase.

Indiana immediately blocked the butler's path and, grabbing for the suitcases, cried, "Winston,
let me do that! I don't want you hurting your back on account of me."

Winston looked hurt at this comment and replied in a pitiful tone, "I always carry your luggage,
Miss Croft, so why should I change my habits now? Do you think I'm not capable of carrying
your suitcases?"

"No, no," Indy reassured him hurriedly, "I I just . . . oh dam I mean darn it, go ahead and
take them if you like." He followed close behind the now thoroughly confused butler and shook
his head in disgust. "Who does Lara think that poor, old man is; Hercules? He's gonna fall over
dead one of these days from overexertion."

Winston led his mistress to her room and placed her luggage on her bed. "Do you want me to
draw a hot bath for you?"

Indy flushed uncomfortably at the thought of washing Lara's body and shook his head. It was bad
enough that he had skipped the much needed shower from yesterday on account of this problem.
"No, I think I'll just shower," he lied.

Once again Winston was perplexed at Lara's odd behavior. If his failing memory served him
correctly, Lara always took a bath after her exhausting expeditions. He scratched his head, and
was about to retreat, when he remembered something very important. "Jean-Yves paid me a visit
yesterday. He didn't know that you were out of town so he had brought you flowers. I took the
liberty of putting them in the vase over there." He pointed to a windowsill off to the left of Lara's
large fireplace.

Indy scowled at the mention of the obese Frenchman, but he quickly hid his feelings under a look
of complacency.

Winston licked his lips nervously and ventured to ask, "Why do you like him so much?"

Indiana had to stop for a minute to puzzle over this question. Why did Lara admire that irritating
man with his blond hair, blue eyes, and overly annoying smile. Finally Indy came up with a
sufficient answer. "After a person has helped you with your archeological finds many times, you
grow fond of him . . . like fungus grows on a tree."

Laughing merrily at this insult, Winston responded, "Miss Croft, I had no idea you felt the same
way about him as I do."

Indiana's, rather Lara's mouth twitched into a smile at the butler's candidacy. "So, the old geyser
hates the Frenchie, too!" he murmured with wicked delight.

They remained in a comfortable silence for several minutes before Winston asked, "Where is the
beloved statue of Psyche?"

Indiana produced a carefully wrapped statuette from Lara's backpack and gently handed it to
Winston. Temporarily forgetting that he was in the body of Lara, he murmured, "It will look
marvelous in the Louvre."

Winston was flabbergasted that Lara would want to put her latest acquisition in the museum,
especially after she had kept all her other finds. Staring bewilderedly at the hefty woman, he
placed the statue down on her fluffy feather bed. "If you need anything, I'll be downstairs
preparing your favorite earl grey tea." Winston began to trudge slowly but steadily out of the
bedroom.

Still not realizing his mistake, Indiana sighed and released Marco Kitty from his cat carrier,
which was on the bed. It was only when Marco gazed questioningly at him with his big, blue eyes
that Indiana made the startling realization. "Oh shoot, I forgot that Lara keeps her artifacts!"
Indiana cried, making sure to use an euphemism lest the cat should understand him.

When the cat closed his eyes condescendingly, Indiana protested, "This is harder than it looks,
you furball. I like to see what you would do if you traded bodies with a dog." At this comment,
Marco opened one eyelid, made a deep offended yowl in the back of his throat, and jumped off
the bed. He marched regally out of the room and padded down the majestic staircase.

Indiana sighed as he slouched onto the bed, ignoring the many suitcases that crowded it. He had
thought that taking up the job as master er mistress of the home would be easy, but he had
been terribly mistaken!

To Be Continued . . .