Chapter Five: Dinner Date
When Indy descended the staircase to the great hall of Croft Mansion, Lara and
Winston were waiting for him at the bottom. Lara tried to suppress a cruel chuckle as she glanced
at Indy's apparel. "I do have some more appropriate clothing if you'd care to stop making a fool
out of me," she said wryly.
"Actually making a fool out of you is quickly becoming a favourite pastime of mine," Indy
replied with equal sarcasm in his- er Lara's- clipped British accented voice, "but if you'd really
prefer my seeing you in your undies again . . ." He turned around and headed back up the
staircase.
Lara's face flushed scarlet as she called out, "Never mind, that is not necessary, Doctor Jones."
"Oh, but it is!" returned Indy in a tone laced with inherent glee.
"Get down here, Jones!" barked Lara as she pulled out her handy pistols. Winston instinctively
held up the tea tray that he was holding to shield his face from the bullets he was sure would
follow. Usually the tea tray he used for the purpose was empty, but this time, it had been laden
with Lara's best antique china tea set which unceremoniously crashed to the floor, splashing
boiling hot tea over butler and mistress.
"Ow!" yelped Lara as the steaming tea soaked into her clothing. "Damn you Jones, get down
here!"
Indy meekly obeyed, but with a smile of obvious amusement on his face. "See what your violent
habits have gotten you?"
Lara was about to insult him back, when she recalled a very important fact. "Well, if the scald-
marks scar, it will be your skin, not mine!" Indy frowned at this unfortunately accurate remark
and knelt to help Winston clean up the mess.
"I am exceedingly sorry, Miss Croft," droned the aging butler as he collected the broken china on
his tray. "It was purely out of force of habit."
Lara sighed and looked disapprovingly at the saddened manservant, but she just couldn't be
angry with him. After all, he had been trying to protect himself. She also went to the floor to help
pick up the mess. Seeing this, Winston stood up and held out the tray to collect the scraps,
thankful that his back would no longer bear the strain of the cleanup.
Lara and Indy worked silently for a few moments, carefully collecting the porcelain sharks and
trying not to cut themselves. Lara was just about to deposit some on Winston's outstretched tray
when she happened to catch Indy's (actually her own) eye. What passed between them in that
brief instant would take a month to describe on paper, so I will merely outline the incident.
Basically, as they looked at each other, they saw themselves in one another's eyes. And not just
because they had switched bodies. Somehow, they each realized that they were not as different
from each other as they'd like to think. There they were, both helping a mutual friend, and for
once, they weren't chewing each other's heads off. An amazing sensation came over Lara, and
for a moment, she could've sworn she was looking at Indy's face and not her own. But the magic
was shattered as Indy stood up and dumped the remaining scraps on Winston's tray. "That ought
to do it," he said quietly as he turned back to help her to her feet. This was, of course,
unnecessary because Lara was inhabiting Indiana's larger, manly form at the moment.
As soon as the pair was certain that the mess was properly cleaned, the three headed for the
enormous dining room that Lara had recently added to her home. Before that, she had an obstacle
course set up in her enormous ballroom and no dining room at all.* She hadn't needed one at the
time because she was rarely home at all, and when she was, the kitchen was good enough for her.
But then, After the Fiama Nera had trashed her house**, she decided that she didn't need a huge
ballroom either. So when the reconstruction crew showed up, she asked them to wall off part of
her ballroom and make it a dining room.***
Back to the story though. Lara and Indy seated themselves- or rather each other- at opposite
heads of the giant cherry-wood table Lara recently had installed. Winston informed them that
dinner was almost ready, and disappeared into the nearby- and gigantic- kitchen. Of course
everything in Lara's house was huge, even the bathrooms and the broom closets. It was a Croft
idiosyncrasy to make everything big— from weddings to each and every room in their houses. Of
course, Lara would rather die than admit she had genetically inherited anything from her
aristocratic parents, but of course it was inevitable that she would be like them in some way. And
this habit of making everything big seemed to be the only visible trace of the Croft heritage on
her besides the name.
As Winston disappeared into the next room, the archaeologist and the tomb raider stared across
the table at each other in an uncomfortable silence. Lara wondered if Professor Jones has
experienced the same brief return to his normal self at the same moment as she had, but was too
proud to ask. Indiana merely toyed with his silverware and sighed heavily. Lara could tell what
he was thinking because she was thinking the same thing: We're getting nowhere fast on
returning to our own bodies. Lara knew there must be some psychological way out of their
predicament since it was her own thoughts that had brought it on, but at the moment, the answer
escaped her. Suddenly, Indy cleared his throat and began to speak. "Now exactly how did we get
into this mess again, Miss Croft?"
Lara took a deep breath and recounted the whole tale from the moment she had begun searching
for the Psyche statuette to her fateful utterance, "Wish you were here." Doctor Jones listened
attentively to each portion of the narrative as though trying to pick it apart mentally and see a
way out of their situation. He was about to make a brilliant revelation when Winston interrupted
his thoughts by entering with a tray of food and announcing that dinner was served. The faithful
butler served his mistress first and then trekked down the table to serve Indy, who was trying to
retrace his train of thought and figure out what he had been about to say. After thus performing
his duty, Winston returned to the kitchen. Lara started some insipid conversation about the
weather when she was rudely interrupted.
"The legend of Psyche has to do with Cupid and Venus, both representing the intangible quality
of Love," quoth Indy.
Lara rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the refresher course in mythology, but I was already aware of
that."
"But you've missed the entire point!" contradicted the professor. "The statue's powers are
controlled by the so called gods who use them only to help us mortals learn the lessons that
Psyche had to learn, right?"Lara nodded, afraid of what would follow. "And the lesson is to
accept love unquestioningly. Now, in the fable, or whatever you want to call it, Psyche was torn
from Cupid because she was trying to analyze him too deeply. She then was separated from him,
and the only way to get them back together was to serve his mother, Venus. So my guess is that
in order to undo this curse, we must follow the story and learn its lesson's accordingly. Evidently
one— or both— of us was trying to rationalize our love for one another and caused the gods to
decide that it was time we learn to accept love unquestioningly. Now how we should go about
this is an entirely different matter, but I'm open to any propositions." Indy smirked and folded his
arms on his chest in conceit.
Lara was enraged by the implications of his last comment, and did not hesitate to display her
displeasure. "What will you men think of next? All of this love rubbish is just a lousy ploy to get
laid, and let me tell you, sonny, it's not going to fly!"
"I was only trying to help," Indiana insisted. "After all, I'd be more than willing to make a move
on you if it means getting rid of this useless body— "
"Useless!" yelled Lara. "I'll give you useless right up your—"
"Watch your language, Miss Croft," replied Indy complacently. "Using profanity will not help
the situation."
"Neither will— what you're suggesting," Lara sputtered. "For the last time, sex is not love!"
"Well, you've never had either," said Doctor Jones as calmly as ever, "and as far as I'm
concerned, a life without love is a waste of a lifetime." He slowly got up from the table and
exited the room, leaving both Lara and his meal untouched and cold.
****************************
Lara lay sleepless in bed that night, thinking about what Indy had said. Was she really
living a loveless life? She sighed and scratched her fat Persian's scruffy fur as he slept soundly
beside her. It couldn't be true! She had Winston and Marco and . . . who was she trying to kid?
One eighty-year-old butler and a cat were hardly considered ample company for a woman her
age. But what was she to do? Throw herself at the first man who happened to stumble into her
crazy adventure-filled life? If she did that, she'd end up marrying a Larson, Pierre, Bartoli, or
Willard and be killed before their first anniversary. She knew she was over-exaggerating, but
how far did Indy really expect her to go? Frustrated and confused, Lara finally fell into a restless
sleep.
*This was how the Lara's home training level appeared in Tomb Raider I.
**The Fiama Nera was the cult from TRII. They broke into her house and trashed it during the
"Home Sweet Home" epilogue level.
***A huge dining room magically appeared in Lara's house in the training level of TRIII. The
ballroom was a bit smaller, so I assumed that the reconstruction crew used part of it for the
dining hall. There were also a few new rooms and a larger basement which I also am attributing
to the reconstruction efforts in all my stories.
When Indy descended the staircase to the great hall of Croft Mansion, Lara and
Winston were waiting for him at the bottom. Lara tried to suppress a cruel chuckle as she glanced
at Indy's apparel. "I do have some more appropriate clothing if you'd care to stop making a fool
out of me," she said wryly.
"Actually making a fool out of you is quickly becoming a favourite pastime of mine," Indy
replied with equal sarcasm in his- er Lara's- clipped British accented voice, "but if you'd really
prefer my seeing you in your undies again . . ." He turned around and headed back up the
staircase.
Lara's face flushed scarlet as she called out, "Never mind, that is not necessary, Doctor Jones."
"Oh, but it is!" returned Indy in a tone laced with inherent glee.
"Get down here, Jones!" barked Lara as she pulled out her handy pistols. Winston instinctively
held up the tea tray that he was holding to shield his face from the bullets he was sure would
follow. Usually the tea tray he used for the purpose was empty, but this time, it had been laden
with Lara's best antique china tea set which unceremoniously crashed to the floor, splashing
boiling hot tea over butler and mistress.
"Ow!" yelped Lara as the steaming tea soaked into her clothing. "Damn you Jones, get down
here!"
Indy meekly obeyed, but with a smile of obvious amusement on his face. "See what your violent
habits have gotten you?"
Lara was about to insult him back, when she recalled a very important fact. "Well, if the scald-
marks scar, it will be your skin, not mine!" Indy frowned at this unfortunately accurate remark
and knelt to help Winston clean up the mess.
"I am exceedingly sorry, Miss Croft," droned the aging butler as he collected the broken china on
his tray. "It was purely out of force of habit."
Lara sighed and looked disapprovingly at the saddened manservant, but she just couldn't be
angry with him. After all, he had been trying to protect himself. She also went to the floor to help
pick up the mess. Seeing this, Winston stood up and held out the tray to collect the scraps,
thankful that his back would no longer bear the strain of the cleanup.
Lara and Indy worked silently for a few moments, carefully collecting the porcelain sharks and
trying not to cut themselves. Lara was just about to deposit some on Winston's outstretched tray
when she happened to catch Indy's (actually her own) eye. What passed between them in that
brief instant would take a month to describe on paper, so I will merely outline the incident.
Basically, as they looked at each other, they saw themselves in one another's eyes. And not just
because they had switched bodies. Somehow, they each realized that they were not as different
from each other as they'd like to think. There they were, both helping a mutual friend, and for
once, they weren't chewing each other's heads off. An amazing sensation came over Lara, and
for a moment, she could've sworn she was looking at Indy's face and not her own. But the magic
was shattered as Indy stood up and dumped the remaining scraps on Winston's tray. "That ought
to do it," he said quietly as he turned back to help her to her feet. This was, of course,
unnecessary because Lara was inhabiting Indiana's larger, manly form at the moment.
As soon as the pair was certain that the mess was properly cleaned, the three headed for the
enormous dining room that Lara had recently added to her home. Before that, she had an obstacle
course set up in her enormous ballroom and no dining room at all.* She hadn't needed one at the
time because she was rarely home at all, and when she was, the kitchen was good enough for her.
But then, After the Fiama Nera had trashed her house**, she decided that she didn't need a huge
ballroom either. So when the reconstruction crew showed up, she asked them to wall off part of
her ballroom and make it a dining room.***
Back to the story though. Lara and Indy seated themselves- or rather each other- at opposite
heads of the giant cherry-wood table Lara recently had installed. Winston informed them that
dinner was almost ready, and disappeared into the nearby- and gigantic- kitchen. Of course
everything in Lara's house was huge, even the bathrooms and the broom closets. It was a Croft
idiosyncrasy to make everything big— from weddings to each and every room in their houses. Of
course, Lara would rather die than admit she had genetically inherited anything from her
aristocratic parents, but of course it was inevitable that she would be like them in some way. And
this habit of making everything big seemed to be the only visible trace of the Croft heritage on
her besides the name.
As Winston disappeared into the next room, the archaeologist and the tomb raider stared across
the table at each other in an uncomfortable silence. Lara wondered if Professor Jones has
experienced the same brief return to his normal self at the same moment as she had, but was too
proud to ask. Indiana merely toyed with his silverware and sighed heavily. Lara could tell what
he was thinking because she was thinking the same thing: We're getting nowhere fast on
returning to our own bodies. Lara knew there must be some psychological way out of their
predicament since it was her own thoughts that had brought it on, but at the moment, the answer
escaped her. Suddenly, Indy cleared his throat and began to speak. "Now exactly how did we get
into this mess again, Miss Croft?"
Lara took a deep breath and recounted the whole tale from the moment she had begun searching
for the Psyche statuette to her fateful utterance, "Wish you were here." Doctor Jones listened
attentively to each portion of the narrative as though trying to pick it apart mentally and see a
way out of their situation. He was about to make a brilliant revelation when Winston interrupted
his thoughts by entering with a tray of food and announcing that dinner was served. The faithful
butler served his mistress first and then trekked down the table to serve Indy, who was trying to
retrace his train of thought and figure out what he had been about to say. After thus performing
his duty, Winston returned to the kitchen. Lara started some insipid conversation about the
weather when she was rudely interrupted.
"The legend of Psyche has to do with Cupid and Venus, both representing the intangible quality
of Love," quoth Indy.
Lara rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the refresher course in mythology, but I was already aware of
that."
"But you've missed the entire point!" contradicted the professor. "The statue's powers are
controlled by the so called gods who use them only to help us mortals learn the lessons that
Psyche had to learn, right?"Lara nodded, afraid of what would follow. "And the lesson is to
accept love unquestioningly. Now, in the fable, or whatever you want to call it, Psyche was torn
from Cupid because she was trying to analyze him too deeply. She then was separated from him,
and the only way to get them back together was to serve his mother, Venus. So my guess is that
in order to undo this curse, we must follow the story and learn its lesson's accordingly. Evidently
one— or both— of us was trying to rationalize our love for one another and caused the gods to
decide that it was time we learn to accept love unquestioningly. Now how we should go about
this is an entirely different matter, but I'm open to any propositions." Indy smirked and folded his
arms on his chest in conceit.
Lara was enraged by the implications of his last comment, and did not hesitate to display her
displeasure. "What will you men think of next? All of this love rubbish is just a lousy ploy to get
laid, and let me tell you, sonny, it's not going to fly!"
"I was only trying to help," Indiana insisted. "After all, I'd be more than willing to make a move
on you if it means getting rid of this useless body— "
"Useless!" yelled Lara. "I'll give you useless right up your—"
"Watch your language, Miss Croft," replied Indy complacently. "Using profanity will not help
the situation."
"Neither will— what you're suggesting," Lara sputtered. "For the last time, sex is not love!"
"Well, you've never had either," said Doctor Jones as calmly as ever, "and as far as I'm
concerned, a life without love is a waste of a lifetime." He slowly got up from the table and
exited the room, leaving both Lara and his meal untouched and cold.
****************************
Lara lay sleepless in bed that night, thinking about what Indy had said. Was she really
living a loveless life? She sighed and scratched her fat Persian's scruffy fur as he slept soundly
beside her. It couldn't be true! She had Winston and Marco and . . . who was she trying to kid?
One eighty-year-old butler and a cat were hardly considered ample company for a woman her
age. But what was she to do? Throw herself at the first man who happened to stumble into her
crazy adventure-filled life? If she did that, she'd end up marrying a Larson, Pierre, Bartoli, or
Willard and be killed before their first anniversary. She knew she was over-exaggerating, but
how far did Indy really expect her to go? Frustrated and confused, Lara finally fell into a restless
sleep.
*This was how the Lara's home training level appeared in Tomb Raider I.
**The Fiama Nera was the cult from TRII. They broke into her house and trashed it during the
"Home Sweet Home" epilogue level.
***A huge dining room magically appeared in Lara's house in the training level of TRIII. The
ballroom was a bit smaller, so I assumed that the reconstruction crew used part of it for the
dining hall. There were also a few new rooms and a larger basement which I also am attributing
to the reconstruction efforts in all my stories.