Chapter seven: We're Back!
Indy was completely prepared to deck Lara by the time they reached the door. "I can't
believe you did this to me!" moaned the humiliated professor under his breath to the smug tomb
raider. "You promised to help me out! I trusted you!"
"That's your misfortune, isn't it?" retorted Lara.
Katherine, who had followed them out of the classroom, was staring at both of them, a look of
deep pondering on her face. Suddenly, the light dawned on her. "You two have switched bodies,
haven't you?" she hissed as they awaited their doom.
Lara's jaw dropped open in shock. "How did you know? Did *he* tell you?" she accused, her
voice dripping with venom.
Kate looked slightly annoyed. "No, of course not. I figured it out myself. You see, a similar thing
happened to my parents once. The only difference was that they switched bodies with two arch
criminals and not each other."*
"Her parents were spies," Indiana unnecessarily informed Lara.
"I know that!" snapped Lara. "They were the famous British espionage agents John Steed and
Emma Peel. I just wasn't aware that they had switched bodies!"
By now, her voice had risen to such a pitch that everyone in the building could hear her. The
superintendent and the principal ran down the hall and stopped to stare at her as if she was
completely out of her mind, which, in a sense, she was. "Professor Jones, this is hardly a time for
jokes," the principal informed out heroine, trying to put a good construction on Lara's insane
behaviour. "Now if you'll just come to my office, I'll map out the entire situation for you."
The trio shrugged and followed Mr. Kales and Mr. Hardy to the appointed room. As soon as the
principal had settled himself at his desk, he began, "You realize that I am going to have to cancel
your teaching engagement here since you seem to be entirely unqualified."
"That depends on what you are talking about," replied Lara. "I am completely qualified to be a
tomb raider."
The superintendent gasped. "Doctor Jones, I'm surprised that you are referring to the dignified
profession of archaeology as 'raiding.' Why only last month at your job interview, you specifically
differentiated between an archaeologist and a mercenary bounty hunter such as Miss Croft. You
even went as far as to say-"
"We don't have to get into this right now-" began Indy nervously.
"Continue," said Lara staidly, "wouldn't you like to know what I said about you?" she asked
coyly. Indiana merely swallowed hard and tried his best to look dignified.
"No, never mind," sputtered Doctor Jones.
"Back to the subject at hand," continued Mr. Hardy. "We are both gravely disappointed in your
teaching methods, Doctor Jones. We had heard of your great work back in the early days of this
century, and we had great hope for the future. But evidently, either you are not really Henry
Jones, Jr., doctor and professor of archaeology who has been miraculously kept intact by the
Fountain of Youth, or your trip to that famous font has addled your brain a bit too much for you
to be any use here."
"Something has addled my brain," muttered Indy, "but it wasn't the Fountain, it was Lara and her
stupid statue."
"Did you say something, Miss Croft?" asked Principal Kales.
Indiana shook his head and made a mental note to keep his comments to himself from now on.
Superintendent Hardy was about to continue his interminable speech when Katie interceded on
her friend's behalf. "Mr. Kales, Mr. Hardy, may I say something?" The two men nodded their
assent and she continued. "I beg you to give my associate one more chance to prove himself. He
really isn't himself today. You see, he just found out that-" Kales and Hardy looked at her
expectantly. "That is he-" She fumbled for the right words. "-just arrived home from a very
grueling and emotionally draining trip to Cambodia to unearth an important skeleton."
"We don't care if he just got back from the lost city of Atlantis!" sputtered Hardy. "His behaviour
today is completely inexcusable, and therefore he is being removed from his position effective
immediately!"
Katie looked crestfallen. Indy motioned for his entourage to follow him out of the building, which
they did slowly and with heavy hearts. When they reached Lara's automobile, Katherine was the
first to speak. "I feel terrible about this, Indy. I wish there was something I could do to help."
"There is," he began slowly, "kill Lara! No, actually, I wish to retain that privilege myself."
"Gosh, Jones," started Lara, "I was only having sport. I didn't mean for anything like this to
happen."
"Oh, sure," replied Indy as he entered the car. "You've only been trying to ruin my life ever since
we switched bodies."
"It passes the time," offered Lara timidly, but the man who had inherited her body was unamused
to say the least. "Look, Jones, we're in the same boat now. You wrecked my friendship with Jean
and I terminated your teaching engagement. I'd say we're about even."
"But I don't want to be even," said Indiana between clenched teeth, "I want my damn body
back."
"And you think I don't?" countered the tomb raider as she slid into the passenger seat. "Face it,
Jones, we're hopelessly compromised."
"Compromise," repeated Jones slowly and painstakingly. "Now there's a word I never thought
would pass your lips. Why can't we just forget we're screwed for a moment and concentrate on
something vastly more important?" He edged toward Lara and she backed away nervously like a
frightened animal.
"Like what?" she asked suspiciously.
"Oh, Lara, can't you discard your aristocratic mien for just long enough to realise something!"
cried Indy as he gripped her arms. "I love you, damn it!"
"So curse about it!" complained Lara as she wrestled free.
"I will!" he declared. "Damn, damn, damn!" He grabbed her and pressed his lips against hers.
Lara struggled for a brief instant, but then gratefully sunk into his embrace. After all she *did*
return his love, in her odd, characteristically British way. But no way in hell would she ever let
him know it. Suddenly, she felt as though she was zooming at lightspeed through a dark tunnel.
Before she could figure out what was going on, she was back in Indy's arms. "What happened?"
she asked in an unusually high, British-accented voice.
Indiana stopped kissing her long enough to notice that he was gazing into Lara's cocoa-coloured
eyes instead of his own steely-blue. "We've switched back!"
Lara's eyes filled first with disbelief, and then with an indescribable joy as she realised the blessed
truth of his statement. "Well what do you bloody know?" she asked in her restored female voice.
Indiana gave a shout and exited the cab. He grabbed Katherine who was standing nearby and
swung her around the car park. "What on earth, Lara?" she inquired as he twirled her about.
"No, it's me, Indy!" he called as he set her back on her feet. "I'm back!"
"Correction," a voice beside him stated. "*We're* back." Lara glared at him in her usual manner.
"How did it happen?" asked the excited Katie.
"I kissed her," stated Indy blankly, returning to his normal sarcastic solemnity, "what else? That's
what I was trying to say all along. . ."
"Oh, bull!"
"That's *exactly* what I said . . ."
"Double bull, you never-"
"I most certainly-"
"Liar!"
Katherine shook her head. Things were really back to normal now. Well, as normal as things
would ever get for a law-breaking tomb raider and a hot-tempered archaeology professor.
*This occurs in the Avengers episode "Who's Who?"
A/N I hope this wasn't too sappy for all of you macho guys out there *waves* but after all I AM
a woman. *winks*. This isn't the last chappy, there's still an epilogue, so hold onto your hats!
BTW, if you want to know more about Katie Steed in her parents, read the fics "Mother Knows
Best" and "Inferno Island" in the TV Shows/Avengers category. Believe me, they are well worth
your time.
Indy was completely prepared to deck Lara by the time they reached the door. "I can't
believe you did this to me!" moaned the humiliated professor under his breath to the smug tomb
raider. "You promised to help me out! I trusted you!"
"That's your misfortune, isn't it?" retorted Lara.
Katherine, who had followed them out of the classroom, was staring at both of them, a look of
deep pondering on her face. Suddenly, the light dawned on her. "You two have switched bodies,
haven't you?" she hissed as they awaited their doom.
Lara's jaw dropped open in shock. "How did you know? Did *he* tell you?" she accused, her
voice dripping with venom.
Kate looked slightly annoyed. "No, of course not. I figured it out myself. You see, a similar thing
happened to my parents once. The only difference was that they switched bodies with two arch
criminals and not each other."*
"Her parents were spies," Indiana unnecessarily informed Lara.
"I know that!" snapped Lara. "They were the famous British espionage agents John Steed and
Emma Peel. I just wasn't aware that they had switched bodies!"
By now, her voice had risen to such a pitch that everyone in the building could hear her. The
superintendent and the principal ran down the hall and stopped to stare at her as if she was
completely out of her mind, which, in a sense, she was. "Professor Jones, this is hardly a time for
jokes," the principal informed out heroine, trying to put a good construction on Lara's insane
behaviour. "Now if you'll just come to my office, I'll map out the entire situation for you."
The trio shrugged and followed Mr. Kales and Mr. Hardy to the appointed room. As soon as the
principal had settled himself at his desk, he began, "You realize that I am going to have to cancel
your teaching engagement here since you seem to be entirely unqualified."
"That depends on what you are talking about," replied Lara. "I am completely qualified to be a
tomb raider."
The superintendent gasped. "Doctor Jones, I'm surprised that you are referring to the dignified
profession of archaeology as 'raiding.' Why only last month at your job interview, you specifically
differentiated between an archaeologist and a mercenary bounty hunter such as Miss Croft. You
even went as far as to say-"
"We don't have to get into this right now-" began Indy nervously.
"Continue," said Lara staidly, "wouldn't you like to know what I said about you?" she asked
coyly. Indiana merely swallowed hard and tried his best to look dignified.
"No, never mind," sputtered Doctor Jones.
"Back to the subject at hand," continued Mr. Hardy. "We are both gravely disappointed in your
teaching methods, Doctor Jones. We had heard of your great work back in the early days of this
century, and we had great hope for the future. But evidently, either you are not really Henry
Jones, Jr., doctor and professor of archaeology who has been miraculously kept intact by the
Fountain of Youth, or your trip to that famous font has addled your brain a bit too much for you
to be any use here."
"Something has addled my brain," muttered Indy, "but it wasn't the Fountain, it was Lara and her
stupid statue."
"Did you say something, Miss Croft?" asked Principal Kales.
Indiana shook his head and made a mental note to keep his comments to himself from now on.
Superintendent Hardy was about to continue his interminable speech when Katie interceded on
her friend's behalf. "Mr. Kales, Mr. Hardy, may I say something?" The two men nodded their
assent and she continued. "I beg you to give my associate one more chance to prove himself. He
really isn't himself today. You see, he just found out that-" Kales and Hardy looked at her
expectantly. "That is he-" She fumbled for the right words. "-just arrived home from a very
grueling and emotionally draining trip to Cambodia to unearth an important skeleton."
"We don't care if he just got back from the lost city of Atlantis!" sputtered Hardy. "His behaviour
today is completely inexcusable, and therefore he is being removed from his position effective
immediately!"
Katie looked crestfallen. Indy motioned for his entourage to follow him out of the building, which
they did slowly and with heavy hearts. When they reached Lara's automobile, Katherine was the
first to speak. "I feel terrible about this, Indy. I wish there was something I could do to help."
"There is," he began slowly, "kill Lara! No, actually, I wish to retain that privilege myself."
"Gosh, Jones," started Lara, "I was only having sport. I didn't mean for anything like this to
happen."
"Oh, sure," replied Indy as he entered the car. "You've only been trying to ruin my life ever since
we switched bodies."
"It passes the time," offered Lara timidly, but the man who had inherited her body was unamused
to say the least. "Look, Jones, we're in the same boat now. You wrecked my friendship with Jean
and I terminated your teaching engagement. I'd say we're about even."
"But I don't want to be even," said Indiana between clenched teeth, "I want my damn body
back."
"And you think I don't?" countered the tomb raider as she slid into the passenger seat. "Face it,
Jones, we're hopelessly compromised."
"Compromise," repeated Jones slowly and painstakingly. "Now there's a word I never thought
would pass your lips. Why can't we just forget we're screwed for a moment and concentrate on
something vastly more important?" He edged toward Lara and she backed away nervously like a
frightened animal.
"Like what?" she asked suspiciously.
"Oh, Lara, can't you discard your aristocratic mien for just long enough to realise something!"
cried Indy as he gripped her arms. "I love you, damn it!"
"So curse about it!" complained Lara as she wrestled free.
"I will!" he declared. "Damn, damn, damn!" He grabbed her and pressed his lips against hers.
Lara struggled for a brief instant, but then gratefully sunk into his embrace. After all she *did*
return his love, in her odd, characteristically British way. But no way in hell would she ever let
him know it. Suddenly, she felt as though she was zooming at lightspeed through a dark tunnel.
Before she could figure out what was going on, she was back in Indy's arms. "What happened?"
she asked in an unusually high, British-accented voice.
Indiana stopped kissing her long enough to notice that he was gazing into Lara's cocoa-coloured
eyes instead of his own steely-blue. "We've switched back!"
Lara's eyes filled first with disbelief, and then with an indescribable joy as she realised the blessed
truth of his statement. "Well what do you bloody know?" she asked in her restored female voice.
Indiana gave a shout and exited the cab. He grabbed Katherine who was standing nearby and
swung her around the car park. "What on earth, Lara?" she inquired as he twirled her about.
"No, it's me, Indy!" he called as he set her back on her feet. "I'm back!"
"Correction," a voice beside him stated. "*We're* back." Lara glared at him in her usual manner.
"How did it happen?" asked the excited Katie.
"I kissed her," stated Indy blankly, returning to his normal sarcastic solemnity, "what else? That's
what I was trying to say all along. . ."
"Oh, bull!"
"That's *exactly* what I said . . ."
"Double bull, you never-"
"I most certainly-"
"Liar!"
Katherine shook her head. Things were really back to normal now. Well, as normal as things
would ever get for a law-breaking tomb raider and a hot-tempered archaeology professor.
*This occurs in the Avengers episode "Who's Who?"
A/N I hope this wasn't too sappy for all of you macho guys out there *waves* but after all I AM
a woman. *winks*. This isn't the last chappy, there's still an epilogue, so hold onto your hats!
BTW, if you want to know more about Katie Steed in her parents, read the fics "Mother Knows
Best" and "Inferno Island" in the TV Shows/Avengers category. Believe me, they are well worth
your time.