Hello again! It's me, the author, pottergal. But you knew that already, didn't you? Anyhoo, I'm going to answer some questions that people have asked me about my story.
1) Why isn't Malfloy in it?
The answer to this one is rather complex. It basically has to do with two things. First of all, he didn't fit into the story, and second of all, I couldn't get his character right. He either came out too whiny, or too nasty and rude. I didn't like him at all as I was writing, so I just dropped him out of the story and concentrated on Harry and Hermione. Hope this doesn't offend any Malfloy fans out there.
2) WHEN IS IT GONNA GET MUSHY??
(And I'm not exagerating the caps, either) Well, if you stick around and keep reading, it will. Have faith in me, this is under romance, isn't it?
Yours forever and ever:
pottergal (Who has no claim to HP in any way shape or form)
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Only Talking
Chapter Five
By: pottergal
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In the evening, Harry was allowed to go to the feast, but he had to come back early. Hermione and Ron walked by his side all through the halls to the Great Hall, and it took every shred of determination and will power from Harry to keep himself from collapsing in an exhausted heap. He hadn't realized how much he took for granted the ability to walk from one place to another. The Great Hall looked as splendid as ever, the sprigs of mistletoe and holly that they'd picked in Herbology floating beneath the snowing ceiling. The smell of fresh pine mingled with an indescribable scent, creating the smell Harry had long come to associate with the Christmas feast.
"I'm sorry I couldn't help with the decorating." Harry said as they took their seats, suddenly remembering that he'd promised to assist Hermione and Professor Flitwick. Hermione gave him a look.
"Harry, you were in the hospital wing, practically dead. No one is upset with you for breaking your promise." She said rather sternly as she sat down beside him. "Were you expecting me to march right up to Madam Pomfrey and demand that I take you from the infirmary because you had said you were going to decorate the Great Hall?" Ron snorted with suppressed laughter and Harry managed to smile weakly.
"Harry! My lord, you're alive!" All three of them looked up to see Neville staring at them, his mouth hanging open. "I don't believe it!" He whispered and Harry felt a flash of anger.
"You thought that killed me? I've been through worse." He said, perhaps a bit more sharply than he had intended, and Neville blinked a little. Harry drew a deep breath and forced a small smile. "No, I'm fine, Neville. I'm still a little tired from healing, but I'm certainly not dead." Neville laughed rather weakly and pulled out a chair to sit beside Ron.
"When Snape whisked you out of that dungeon, all of us gave you up for dead, Harry." Neville said rather quietly. "You should've seen the look on Malfloy's face; I don't think I've ever seen him wear such a horrified expression." As Neville spoke, a few more people had begun to enter the Great Hall. "He didn't say one single thing about you deserving it or anything. It was really incredible."
"Yeah, I bet he was too scared to say anything, lest Snape find out that the cauldron that exploded had been his." Ron drawled and rolled his eyes. "When Snape returned to treat those who'd been sprayed by the potion, he said that if he ever found out which idiot had left his cauldron burning, he'd personally see him expelled."
"But he wouldn't expel Malfloy. He's his favorite student." Harry said as he leaned forward, his arms folded on the table. Ron glanced at him for a moment before looking back at Neville. Harry frowned as the two of them shared a long look.
"I wouldn't be too sure. The way Snape was acting . . . even the Slytherins got detentions for after break. And we all lost a decent amount of points for our houses." Neville nodded in agreement with Ron.
"Slytherin is in last place now. I never thought I'd see the day when Snape would take off that many points from his own house." Harry's gaze whipped to the hourglasses by the door of the Great Hall, and sure enough, Slytherin was in last place. His jaw dropped and he shook his head slightly.
"Harry!" He jumped as a shrill voice shrieked from the entrance to the Great Hall. He looked up to see Ginny racing towards him, her flaming red hair streaming out behind her and tears of joy welling in her eyes. He gulped awkwardly and fought not to cry out as she enfolded him in a fierce embrace. At the very moment Ginny had wrapped her arms around Harry, he'd seen something strange; Hermione's expression had become a mix of a glare and anger. Harry blinked, but before he could say anything, it was gone. "Oh, Harry, you're really alive!"
"I am, but I might not be if you keep squeezing me so much." He said through clenched teeth and Ginny let go instantly. Harry rubbed his arms painfully and winced as he noticed the look of intense worry on Ginny's face.
"Are you all right? I'm so sorry, I didn't realize that I was hurting you!" Harry gave her the best smile he could muster.
"I'm fine, Ginny. I'm sorry to worry you so much." He watched her blush and grimaced inwardly. "Thank you for caring." Her blush deepened and she began to back away to rejoin a few other fifth years.
"That's . . . that's fine, I mean . . . okay . . . I didn't mind caring . . . ah, I mean . . . worrying . . . um . . ." She stammered. "See you around Harry! I'm happy you're back!" She then turned on her heel and raced towards her friends. Harry sighed inwardly and from the corner of his eye, he noticed Ron shake his head.
"Lord, she's got it worse than I expected." Harry shot Ron with a glare. "And listen to you. Quite the lady-killer, aren't you? Even when you just got out of hospital."
"Oh shut up, Ron." Harry said glumly and put his chin in his hands. Ron grinned, but before he could say anything, the ring of a spoon being tapped against a glass stopped all conversations. Attention shifted to the teacher's table, and Harry couldn't help smiling as Dumbledore stood slowly and beamed at them all.
"Happy Christmas to you all! May this feast begin!" Abruptly the tables were filled with food and every student began to dig in. Harry helped himself to a bit of everything within reach and picked up a fork to begin eating. Something then made him look back up at the teacher's table and he met Dumbledore's twinkling gaze. Welcome back, Harry, it seemed to say, and Harry couldn't help grinning.
About halfway into the feast, Ron and Neville got up from the table to get them all some party favors, leaving Harry and Hermione by themselves. As he helped himself to a bit more pumpkin juice, Harry looked around the Gryffindor table and around the Great Hall. No one else from their year had stayed, Ginny was sitting off with her friends, and even Malfloy was gone. Harry was immensely relieved when he noticed that. He didn't feel like having to put up with comments on how weak he looked.
"Enjoying yourself, Harry?" Hermione asked and he gave her a smile. "Are you sure you're all right? You look rather tired." He shook his head vigorously and ignored the vertigo it caused.
"I'll be fine. I want to stay just a little longer." He said firmly before turning to the deserts. He helped himself to some pie and picked up his fork to take a bite.
"Hey, Harry." He looked over at Hermione, who was looking up. He frowned in confusion before following her gaze upward. Then he saw it; it was a floating piece of mistletoe and it was hovering over his head. He sensed Hermione lean over, and before he could stop her, she'd pecked him on the cheek. He felt his cheeks heat as she whispered in his ear, "Happy Christmas, Harry."
Ron and Neville came back with the party favors, but before they could set one off, Harry felt all of his strength drain out of him. Neville had very nearly shouted in surprise as he watched Harry slump down against his chair, but luckily Ron had clamped a hand over his mouth. He gave Neville a stern look before saying it was time to get Harry back to the hospital wing.
"Why now?" Harry muttered bitterly as his vision came in and out of focus, even with his glasses on.
"The sustaining potion Madam Pomfrey gave you just before we left must've worn off." Hermione said as she slipped an arm through his. "Come on, Harry. We'll walk you back to the infirmary."
"I'm not a child. I can walk just fine." He snapped slightly and hung his head at the hurt look on Hermione's face. He sighed and managed to get to his feet. "I'm sorry, Hermione." He said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I know you want to help, but I want to walk out of here without help." She glowered at him slightly, but he could tell it held no anger.
"Men and their stupid macho images." He heard her mutter, but she didn't stop him from walking out of the hall on his own. Instead, she and Ron followed close behind him, watching his every move closely. He knew that at the first sign of a waver, they'd insist on helping, so Harry fought with every fiber in his body to keep himself upright and walking straight.
Almost there . . . The doors finally closed behind them as they got out of the Great Hall. However, Harry kept walking. He didn't want to be in sight of the doors in case anyone came out and saw Hermione and Ron dragging him up to the hospital wing.
"Harry, this is far enough." Hermione said firmly as she stepped infront of him, her hands on her hips and her expression fixed into one of her best McGonagall glares. Harry blinked a little before extending an arm and leaning on the wall. Abruptly what little strength he'd been squeezing out of himself faded, leaving his breathing ragged and his head spinning. He turned to rest his forehead against his fist, his eyes clamped shut.
"Harry? You okay?" Ron came up on his right and he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder. Harry managed to shake his head.
"Oh, Harry, we shouldn't have let you walk like that! You're so impossible sometimes, you know that?" Hermione chided gently as she took his left arm and slung it around her shoulders. "Ron, help me. It's going to take both of us, he's getting weaker by the minute."
"No I'm not!" He protested, but didn't stop Ron from taking his other arm. Moving rather slowly, they started off. Getting back to the hospital wing proved to be slightly difficult; Harry felt like his feet had been turned to lead. It had never occurred to him how many staircases there really were in Hogwarts, and it felt like hours before he got back to the hospital wing. He'd caught sight of himself in one of the mirrors in the infirmary and was slightly stunned to see how different he looked. His cheeks were flushed from exertion, but there were some rather dark circles beneath his eyes and he looked worn. Madam Pomfrey had tutted about the effects of the feast on him, and after forcing him to drink his potion a bit more quickly than normal, she shooed Ron and Hermione away and Harry fell swiftly asleep.
About another week passed before Harry was declared back to normal strength and could safely leave the hospital wing without fear of collapsing from exhaustion. He still found himself getting more tired than usual from walking about the castle, but Madam Pomfrey had assured him that he'd be over it soon. On his first day officially out of the infirmary, he set off on a walk around the lake, enjoying the crisp, fresh air and light sun as he trudged through the snow. Hermione and Ron hadn't been anywhere he had looked so he'd set off on his own, not minding the silence for once. After making one circle, he took a seat on a bench beneath a tree, being careful not to sit under any piles of snow. The last thing he wanted right now was to be hit in the head by one.
It was calm and peaceful as Harry sat beneath the tree, staring out at the lake. A light breeze picked up after a while and created gentle ripples on the surface of deep blue and ruffled his hair slightly. Harry breathed a sigh of content and found himself feeling happier than he had in a while. He didn't have to worry about Cho, he didn't have to worry about school, and most importantly, he didn't have to worry about Ron getting angry over him talking with Hermione. As Harry continued to stare off into space, he heard a dim crunching of snow announcing the presence of someone.
"Harry? What're you doing out here?" He glanced up as the crunching grew louder and gave Ron a small smile. "Hermione and I were looking all over for you. Madam Pomfrey said you'd left a while ago, but we couldn't find you anywhere."
"I tried looking for you as well. Maybe we kept passing eachother or something." He and Ron shared a grin.
"Figures. I could just see that happening too. So what'd you come out here for?"
"I felt like taking a walk." Ron nodded slightly and moved to sit beside him on the bench. "I really wanted to get outside, especially after being inside for so long. You've no idea how boring it is to have to lie in bed all day."
"Some days I wouldn't mind it, when my bed is nice and warm and the castle around is cold and I've got Potions first thing in the morning." Ron grinned as he spoke. "So how're you feeling? You look ten times better than you did when Snape first brought you to the infirmary, but . . ." He trailed off, his face contorted slightly in thought. "You still don't look the same. Your face is kinda pale, or something." Harry sighed a little.
"I know, and I still get rather tired from walking too much. But Madam Pomfrey assured me that I'll be fine. I've got to go to her in the mornings and the evenings for one more week to take the Restorative potion, but once that's over with, I should be back to normal." Ron nodded and a small silence fell between them. Harry watched Ron stare off at the lake for a moment, his blue eyes glazed over and distant.
"Harry, I want to apologize." Ron said suddenly and Harry blinked in surprise. "I never got a chance to make up with you properly, even though I've been on speaking terms with Hermione for a while now." Ron looked at him, his expression a mixture of remorse and determination. "I'm sorry for everything I said; I truly am. You know I never meant a word of it, right? I was just . . ." He trailed off and grimaced.
"Anger? Furious?" Harry tired and Ron shook his head.
"No, I wasn't so much angry as I was jealous." Harry blinked again and Ron sighed. "The way you two looked in that picture . . . well, it really hit something. I'd known that you'd liked her for a while, but - "
"Whoa, hang on." Harry said, holding up a hand. "Back up. What do you mean, I've liked her? Hermione is my friend; that's it." Ron gave him a look that made him shift uncomfortably.
"Come on, Harry, I know you can be the thickest bloke on the planet sometimes, but since when have you ignored what you're feeling?" Ron said with a combination of disbelief and amazement.
"I don't ignore what I'm feeling. Hermione is my friend. That's it, nothing more." He tried again, his tone annoyed and his expression a mixture of exasperated and cross. It deepened when Ron shook his head amusedly.
"Harry, I know people don't think I notice things, that I'm a bit oblivious." He looked from the lake and back to Harry, his gaze doing a damn good job of mimicking Dumbledore and his x-ray stare. "But what they don't realize is that I do see things that are beyond my nose. I just may or may not choose to acknowledge it." Harry frowned.
"What do you mean?"
"I've known that you've liked Hermione since fifth year. You may've not even realized it yourself, being the blockhead that you are sometimes. Especially when it comes to girls." Harry scowled and Ron grinned. "I'd seen signs of it all over the place, but the two of you never acted upon it at all. So I finally got sick of it and asked Hermione out." Ron went back to watching the lake and he sighed, his demeanor becoming more serious. "I think you know pieces of the story, but you need to know the rest of it."
"What do you mean, I don't know all of it?" Harry asked, thoroughly confused. "What does this have to do with anything? And how does it affect me?" Ron looked at him for a moment before continuing.
"I knew Hermione and I weren't supposed to be together right from the get-go." Ron said and Harry frowned. "We fought way too much and no matter what I did, nothing seemed to be right. You know how she looked in that picture?" Harry nodded slowly. "Not once did she smile or look that happy when she sat with me. In the few pictures I have of us, she looks . . . bored, if anything. It starts to get to you after a while, you know?" Ron started staring at the lake again, his voice growing soft. "Maybe I'd been too stubborn to let her go, maybe I just didn't want to admit that I'd made a mistake, or maybe I was too chicken to actually break up with her properly, but I just couldn't seem to face the fact that we didn't match. I clung on, trying my damnedest to get things to go right, but it kept blowing up. So when I saw that picture, it all rushed on me in a second. I'd known from the start that I wasn't going to be the one to make her happy." Ron looked at him, his blue eyes boring into him. "I knew that it was going to be you."
"Wha . . .wha . . ." Harry sputtered slightly, completely stunned.
"I knew in my gut that the two of you were meant to be, I just didn't like it being waved in my face so blatantly. I knew I had to call if quits then, to finally let her go, but I couldn't help being jealous. I couldn't help being angry." Ron smiled slightly then. "So I wanted to apologize for everything I said. Quite honestly, I never meant to call you those things and I knew you weren't trying to steal her. You'd already done that from the first day we met her."
"I . . . I don't know what you're talking about." Harry said uneasily, not liking the look he was getting. "Why are you telling me this, anyway?"
"Quit playing dumb, Harry! You know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm sure you've felt something when you look at Hermione; otherwise, why would you be blushing like a tomato in that picture?" Harry grimaced as his cheeks began to heat. "So I want you to go after her, Harry. No more of this ignorant act, all right?"
"I really don't know what you're talking about." Harry insisted and Ron stood.
"Well, keep your eyes open at least. And if I don't see something happening, I may just have to do something drastic." Ron grinned and Harry stared at him. "Who knows, you might find yourself locked in a broom closet one day, with a certain someone . . ." Harry's eyes widened.
"Ron, you wouldn't."
"What makes you so sure?" He said, his grin growing mischievous and making Harry's insides squirm. "Think of the rumors that would fly then . . . oh, you'd never live it down." Ron laughed to himself before walking off to the castle. "Are you coming, Harry? I'm sure there's still some lunch left, otherwise we'll have to sneak down to the kitchens . . ." Harry scowled at the back of Ron's retreating head. What did he know anyway? Hermione was his friend, that was all. How could he possibly think of her as anything else?
For some reason, a pit of dread began to grow in Harry's stomach. As he and Ron got closer and closer to the Great Hall, more and more he felt like running in the opposite direction. He swore under his breath to himself, cursing himself as a coward of the worst kind. What was there to be afraid of in the first place? It was Hermione, his friend. If he was afraid to face her after his talk with Ron, then . . . well, he'd just have to face the fact that Ron had been right about him and his feelings for Hermione. He'd have to break down and admit . . . he'd have to admit to the very thing he swore on everything sacred not to.
"What's up, Harry? You okay?" Ron's voice broke him out of his thoughts. Harry glanced at his friend and nodded.
"I'm fine. Let's get lunch, all right? I'm starved." And with a deep breath, he pushed open the doors to the Great Hall and walked over to the Gryffindor table.
"Harry! I'm glad Ron found you! We've been looking everywhere." Harry looked over and saw Neville waving to him. He waved back, only to notice Hermione smiling at him. He blinked a little and fought the impulse to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. It's just Hermione, he told himself repeatedly. Why in the world should he be frightened of Hermione?
"I found him over by the lake. Apparently he'd been taking a walk." Ron plopped down beside Neville and Hermione pulled out a chair beside her, the smile remaining on her lips. "So when's lunch? I hope it's soon. Being outside just makes me so hungry."
"Anything makes you hungry, Ron." Hermione said dryly and Ron rolled his eyes. "Are you okay, Harry? You're just standing there." Her gaze returned to him and Harry realized he'd been frozen. With a slight jolt, he shook himself and took the seat beside Hermione uncomfortably. For the slightest of moments, he noted the small hurt look in her eyes, but she covered it quickly with a small smile. This made Harry frown inwardly; why would she be hurt? Was it him? Maybe she hadn't wanted him to sit beside her . . . but . . . why would she pull out the chair then? Was she being polite, and she'd thought he'd sit by Ron or something?
Oh, get a grip! See what Ron's done to you? Harry looked up at Ron to see a satisfied smirk on his lips. Anger rushed through him then, but he could only settle for a dark glare. He couldn't exactly smack Ron to get him to stop smirking, but it was exactly what he felt like doing. I bet he did this on purpose. He probably did it just to get a laugh of of me. Harry shook his head then and sighed inwardly. Listen to yourself, Potter. Sounds like he hit a nerve or something. You know, you really must like her, or something. Why else would you get this defensive?
"I'm not." He whispered and then attention shifted to him.
"You're not, Harry?" Hermione asked, her expression confused. Harry felt his face begin to heat as she continued to stare at him intensely. "But why wouldn't you play in the next Quidditch match? Gryffindor would lose horribly without you. We all saw that in our first year." Harry blinked, his gaze snapping from Ron's suspicious look to Neville's deep frown and back to Hermione's confusion.
"Oh, of course I'll be playing! I thought . . . well, never mind. I was thinking about something else." He covered and fought a wince. Smooth, he thought. Utterly smooth. Best cover up you've done, I must say.
"What were you thinking about, Harry?" Ron asked, his voice purely dripping with amusement and sarcasm. "It wouldn't have anything to do with a certain someone, would it?" Hermione glanced up at Ron sharply and Neville looked slightly interested.
"N . . . no!" He stuttered, coughing a bit in surprise. "I don't know what you're talking about!" He said, perhaps a bit more loudly than he'd intended. This time he did wince and Ron grinned triumphantly.
"I suggest you share, Mr. Potter. I think we're all dying to know what you're not going to do." Harry glared and stood after a moment.
"You know, I'm really not that hungry. I'll see you all later, okay?" And with that, he hurried out of the Great Hall, anxious to get away from Ron. That . . . that . . . arg! He hadn't been this frustrated or this angry in a while. What did Ron think he was doing, anyway? Had he meant to make Harry uncomfortable around Hermione? Because if he had, then he'd certainly succeeded.
"Harry!" He froze and gulped. Not her . . . not now . . . "Harry, wait!" He turned slowly and plastered a smile on his face as Hermione hurried up to him. "Thanks for stopping so quickly." She said sarcastically and Harry bowed slightly.
"My pleasure." She laughed a little and little jolts of happiness flew through him. Oh lord, this could not be happening. Ron couldn't be right . . . he just couldn't! "So . . . what do you want?" He asked, hoping his voice didn't betray his nervousness.
"I wanted to apologize for Ron. I don't know what you were talking about before you came to lunch, but I think it was rather mean of him poke at you like that." She smiled, her face lighting up and Harry's knees very nearly failed him.
"You didn't have to apologize, Hermione. It's not your fault that Ron was being Ron." She giggled and Harry could've kicked himself. For a person trying to get away, he wasn't doing a very good job. Instead, he smiled at her and fought the gasp of surprise as she took his hand. Her touch was like a bolt of electricity going up and down his skin . . . but . . . it felt . . . nice. Her hand squeezed his gently and he couldn't help squeezing back.
"I'm so happy to see you back on your feet, Harry. You've no idea how worried we were that you had . . ." Her gaze darkened and she bit her lip. "I was so scared, Harry." She practically whispered and her eyes met his. He gulped at the sheer multitude of emotions in her gaze . . . worry, fear, hope, and . . . longing? "I was afraid that . . . that I'd . . ."
"Hey, Hermione!" Ron's voice came from the direction of the Great Hall, and Harry dropped her hand like a hot poker. "Where are you? Lunch is starting!" He could've sworn he heard Hermione swear softly, cursing Ron and his perfect timing.
"Go have lunch, okay? I'm sure we can talk later." She shot him a concerned look as he nudged her back towards the Great Hall. "Don't skip a meal on my account, okay?" Before she could say anything to stop him, he turned and walked up the stairs to the common room. Relief spread through him when she didn't call to him and he was able to make it up to the common room. He told the password to the Fat Lady and collapsed into a thick armchair by the fireplace.
Lord, what is with me? He shook his head furiously, as though he could clear it by doing that. If Ron hadn't said anything, nothing would've changed. I wouldn't feel so damned self-conscious around Hermione now. He rubbed his eyes and settled against the back of the chair with a sigh.
"This can't be happening . . . it just can't."
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Woo, it's more of the story! Wow, we're getting close to the end. Just one more chapter! Hope you all are liking this, and *gasp* it's getting slightly more mushy! Who would've thought it could get that way??
Love forever and ever:
pottergal