The song is 'Everything' by Stereofuse.
For Tarah. A kindred spirit in this world gone mad.
Goodnight, Stargazer
By Melissa
Say goodbye. Goodnight is forever this time.
I remember you
Do you remember me too
Born on the 14th of July
The smell of roses made her cry
And though you're far from home
Rest assured you're not alone
It's funny when you try to recall events that have come to pass in your life. Looking back upon them somehow alters them ever so slightly, imperceptibly at first, but you can see the changes more and more readily the more you examine them.
When I think about meeting him, nothing, at the time, jumped out at me as unusual. Knowing what I know now though, it strikes me as miraculous. It was the start of something beautiful, and wonderful. I just wished I could have realized it then.
How many people do we meet in the course of a lifetime? And how many of them really stand out?
This one did.
Takeru introduced us. My initial reaction was a smile and an extended hand.
He looked at my hand and hesitated a moment before taking it.
"I'm Taichi. My friends call me Tai."
"Hello, Taichi. I'm Yamato."
I couldn't help but grin when he used my full name. Apparently he was going to be a challenge. The heavens know how I do enjoy a challenge.
Everything is supposed to happen for a reason, right?
We didn't speak much after that, merely allowing Takeru to carry the bulk of the conversation. The whole time I stared at him, unable to focus on anything else. I went him with nothing but him on my mind, and a grim determination to know him better. To peek over those walls so obviously built to keep others out.
'Cause I would give everything I own
I'd give you my heart and this skin and these bones
The sun the moon the earth the sky
I'd never even stopped to wonder why
I would do anything
I would give everything
To be your everything
The very next day I called him.
That seems like forever ago.
I remember one time when I went over to see him at his dad's house. Again, we didn't speak much, just spent time in each other's company. I remember thinking how sad and lonely he looked. I watched him get up from the couch we were sitting on and go out onto the balcony. He craned his neck upward towards the sky. A moment later I followed his lead. Leaning against the railing I looked at the stars with him. It was then he spoke, and not just a word or two. Sentences upon sentences, beginning with how much he loved those stars and how it had been so long since he had seen them. I nodded my head only, allowing him to tell me whatever he wished.
After that it was often I would spend time with him, usually spending the night over at his dad's place. We would drink and speak of everything. Nothing was sacred when it came to our conversations. Nights faded to days in a blink of an eye and we never noticed the transition.
I saw the scars on his wrist before he ever showed them to me. He had been washing some dishes and had the long sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbow. When he came back to the living room, where I was, he was pulling the sleeves back down and that is when I saw his scars. They were blazingly white against his all too pale skin. My gaze didn't linger because they were obviously something he wanted to hide.
The day he finally showed them to me, I had to fight to keep myself from gasping. There were a fresher set there now, puffy and red and with black thread holding the skin together. He produced a pair of scissors and handed them to me.
I cradled his wrist with my hand and I snipped the black thread holding his wounds together. I pulled out the strands gently. He retrieved the scissors from my grasp. We never spoke about it again. Part of me couldn't believe that he could trust me so much to do that for him. To be that vulnerable in front of another person is a rare thing.
After putting the scissors away he returned to me. We lay down together and I held him. It felt so good, so right; but my thoughts somehow drifted to her and how I was betraying her.
My girlfriend, who trusted and loved me more than anything, was home alone while I was here with him.
I tried not to think about it. It wasn't as if we were doing anything wrong, but it was still always in the back of my mind that it was her I should be holding and not him.
It was him I wanted though.
I think I was afraid I was falling in love with him.
It seems like such long, long time
Since your body crossed my mind
But I think that you should know
It wasn't I who had to go
I tried not to let this realization get to me. It wasn't quite as much a slap in the face as one might think. It was a gradual turn from just friendship to something more. Things went on as they always did. We would spend nights together, just talking and drinking.
One of my favorite memories was once again standing out on the balcony with him. The night was unusually clear and the stars shown more brightly than had occurred in recent memory.
"Do you know much about the stars?" he asked me, words slightly slurred from the alcohol we had been imbibing.
"A little," I replied. "I know some of the constellations. There is one above all others I like though."
"Which is that?"
"Orion." I moved closer to him, lacing my arm around his thin shoulders. I pointed toward the heavens at the particular constellation. Three extremely bright stars marked his belt.
"Why is that one your favorite?"
"Because of all the shooting stars that occur around there. If you watch really closely, you'll see them too."
I watched the sky while he watched me. I smiled as a star streaked across the blackness.
"There. Did you see?"
He turned towards the sky but it had flashed and all ready faded.
"Sorry," he said. "I was watching something more beautiful."
I looked at him, wondering if he could have possibly meant what he had said. Blue meeting brown, my arm still around his shoulders and my breath catching in my throat.
He smiled at me; a lopsided little grin like he had said something terribly clever. He disengaged himself from my hold and went to grab another drink. I merely stood rooted in my place, watching him intently.
I don't think we ever got to see a shooting star together. I wish we could have.
'Cause I would give everything I own
I'd give you my love and this heart made of stone
The sun the moon the earth the sky
The motorcycle that I like to ride
I would do anything
I would give everything
To be your everything
After that night, I remember avoiding him for a while. Losing myself in more alcohol, or being with my girlfriend. Days turned into weeks, the longest span we had gone without seeing each other.
Then one day he invited me to a party at his house. His dad was going to be away for the week. Everyone was there, including my girl and I. Over the course of the evening and much to drink I forgot why I was avoiding him. The evening wore on and the festivities died down. I took my girlfriend home and then returned to his house and resumed my drinking. When I had more than my fill I laid down on the couch.
I heard him come down the stairs. I didn't need to look to know it was he. And also any sudden movements made me sway. He lifted up my legs and took a seat underneath them.
"Where have you been, stranger?" He asked quietly. "I haven't seen you around lately."
"I'm right here," I replied, my words tripping over themselves. I stretched my arms out as both an invitation and an apology. He moved closer to me and bent down to hug me. As he did our lips brushed one another's. As if by reflex I closed my arms around him, capturing him against me as I deepened our kiss. It was a mere fraction of a second before he pulled away.
"You just kissed me." A plain, simple statement that hung in the air for what seemed like forever.
"So?" was the only reply I could come up with. I couldn't bring myself to care about anything else at the moment.
He blinked and continued to stare at me with those ice blue eyes. He lifted a slender shoulder as way of a response and leaned forward to kiss me.
One kiss turned into many. I mentioned that I had wanted to kiss him for so long. Judging by his reaction, I would guess he also had been entertaining such thoughts.
I didn't remember getting up from the couch with him, but we must have because our make out session moved to the bathroom. Our hands traveling, migrating all over the other's body. Clothes began to be discarded, piece by piece, until we were both naked.
Before things went any further my mind was assaulted by images of the girl who I was wronging by doing this. My girlfriend, who loves me unconditionally, was at home with no cause for concern. I couldn't hurt her. I love her. And as much as I wanted this right now, I made myself stop.
And I made him stop too.
He understood, of course.
We gathered our fallen clothing and passed the hours talking like so many other nights. Only the conversation revolved this time around how much we loved each other.
I never thought it was possible to love two people at the same time. It is an extremely cruel joke in a way, because when that occurs, you have to choose.
I didn't want to, but I had to.
And I chose her.
But if ever you should stray
Just sing along and I will play
Or look into your hands
I'm slipping through them like a tiny grain of sand
We made a promise not to tell anyone what we did. We could always just chalk it up to being drunk, but we both knew it was more than that.
He broke our promise though. Our secret escaped his drunken lips one night and landed upon someone else's ears. Of course, they promised that it would be safe with them. Not another soul would learn about what happened.
They didn't keep it a secret either.
Things changed, as they are often wont to do. I was so angry with him. Looking back, that wasn't exactly fair because it took the two of us. I was there too, after all. At the time the secret escaped all I could think was how could he have broken our promise and my trust?
Oddly enough, my girlfriend never found out. We're still together and she will never know of what came to pass.
We never had any more long talks into the early hours of the morning ever again.
I wasn't prepared for the sacrifices. The price was so impossibly high, but I paid it. We both did.
I remember you
Do you remember me too
Seems like such a long, long time
Sine I held you near and called you mine
We don't really talk anymore. My thoughts stray to him sometimes and linger on what could have been. I wonder if he ever got to see a shooting star.
I miss him with a catch in my breath when I think of what we were.
It's nighttime again and I am alone gazing at the ever-blackening sky. The stars used to seem warm to me when I was with him, but now they are impossibly cold.
I see a star streak across the darkness and I make a wish. Ever silent and pleading.
Goodnight, stargazer. I hope you find what you are looking for.
What I could not give you.
'Cause I would give everything I own
I'd give you my heart and this skin and these bones
The sun the moon the earth the sky
A brand new car that you and I could drive
I would do anything
I would give everything
To be your everything
Everything
The End
More Author's Notes: Hope you liked. I'm now off to work on the next chapter of 'Camera One.' No seriously, I am. I know I said I would a very, very long time ago...and I should live up to that promise.