What Could Have Been

by eQuasarus

[AU] Sirius made a mistake. We all do. But what would it have been like if had stolen Harry away before he went to Azkaban?[Long hiatus, probably abandoned]

12. You called me Ginny...

Chapter 12

• You called me Ginny... •

Moony. Why did Moony have to ruin it? Harry laid on his bed, the one he had left almost a week ago. Well, not really, it had only been a couple hours ago. All he had to do was wait until his past self went back and then slip back in the room and replace him, no one would know he ever left unless he told them.

Harry played with the watch in his hand; within the watch was real power, the power to change the past. Harry shivered involuntarily and got out of bed, he couldn't sleep tonight, and he had too much energy. Did Sirius go to the old house before he had changed the past? It was so strange, Sirius hadn't been living in the old shack, why did he go back the first time, and why at that time?

Harry soon found he wasn't alone when he entered the common room. Blaise was sitting there crying about something. She looked up when Harry entered, and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

Harry shook his head. "No, I've had trouble sleeping tonight anyway, it's alright. What's wrong, can I help?"

She took a deep breath and tried to let it out softly. "It's nothing really, not like your problems."

Harry smiled. "My problems are different, and I am not worried about them right now, you're the one crying."

"Alright... Today, today was my mother's birthday." She paused, searching for something to say. "You know, she once told me a story about you." Harry was a bit startled that she would bring him up, she seemed to avoiding the subject of herself completely.

She fidgeted again. "She knew your parents, before you were born. She said that your mother was the most wonderful person that she had ever met, and your father, even though he was a bit of a rogue was still a very good person. She even said that you were just like them, even when you were born."

"How did she know what I was like?" Harry knew his parents had known a lot of people, the few pictures Sirius had managed to obtain always were crowded with people.

"She was there, your mother was visiting her that day because she was getting sick and still pregnant with me. The medi-wizards didn't even know what she did, she knew all sort of spells that they didn't. It's why you and I were born the same day, the magic was too much strain on both our mothers. I was born a month early and you were born a week and a half early."

Wow, he didn't know that... Sirius had never told him, maybe he didn't know either. It was very interesting that Blaise knew more about himself than he did. He wondered how much more she knew, and what she might be willing to tell him.

"What sort of story did your Mum tell you, about me?"

Blaise smiled weekly. "On the day I was born another child was born. He had his mother's eyes and his fathers will. Both his parents were kind and strong, excellent wizards, well learned and at the same time good, caring people. When this child was born he gave off a sign, something that proved he was a great wizard, as great as any that had come before."

"What sort of sign?"

"This sign was so splendid, so noticeable that the whole hospital was obliviated to hide the fact that it ever happened, even his own parents would not remember. The sign, though powerful was also dangerous, it meant that others would seek him out, try and stop him from becoming everything he was destined to be."

"Then how did your mother know?"

"The charm performed to keep the sign a secret didn't work properly on my mother, because of the magic that was surrounding her at the time.... Anyway. This child, did a great thing and it was hidden away so that no one would know, so that no one would try and use him, control his powers." Blaise stopped talking.

"Do you know what sort of sign he... I showed?" Harry wanted to know what was so special about him, why he was so important to Voldemort.

"No, mum never spoke of what it was, only that it was something beautiful and inspiring to witness.

"Is that it, is that the entire story?"

"No... there is more. The boy, grew in a caring home, hidden away from the problems of the world. But while he grew and learned of magic, of the world a dark, dark wizard found out the truth of what had happened. Through coercion and manipulation of others he learned the truth of what happened that day."

"But who else knew?"

"She didn't say who, just that they did... The dark wizard, he-who-must-not-be-named was scared of the boy for reasons unknown, perhaps that one day he would fall to him so he plotted while the boy grew. He sent spies and tortured people to know the true power of the child. He was unable to find out anything that might show him the truth, as the child's parents were cautious and protected by powerful magic. This cause you-know-who to get angry and want the boy to die. Few know by what means he came or how he broke the spells that were cast for protection but the child and his parents were betrayed by a friend, the one who held their life in his hands, Peter Pettigrew."

"You knew?"

Blaise nodded. "Mum spoke as if she had seen it herself, as if she pitied Sirius for everything that happened following your parent's deaths. She never said how she knew but it she did know beyond a doubt that Sirius was innocent."

"So what comes next?" Harry wanted to know what happened, why the dark lord had been unable to defeat him, Blaise's mother seemed to know so much, maybe she knew this too.

"He came on all hallows eve, the night when his strength was at his peak. Once again, at the direst moment of need the child showed his true powers and stopped the Dark Lord, stripping him of his powers and of his life, leaving him as only a shell of existence, something that has no life but still lives. That night the last hope of the child appeared and took him away, raising him as his own that he may grow to be a good man and that one day, if needed he would be able to stop evil again."

A bright smile covered her face. "And now you're here, safe at Hogwarts. Someday you'll find out what your power is– and learn how to use it."

"That's it?" Well, that certainly was a tall tale, but maybe it wasn't. There was so much he didn't know, about himself, about his parents, maybe it had more truth to it than he thought.

"The rest is still waiting to be told, the story doesn't end until it ends. Mum told me that there would be much to be told and that maybe, someday I could tell the story to my children."

"Is it even true?"

"Does it matter? You're special whether it is true or not, you had to have stopped he-who-must-not-be-named somehow."

That was the truth, Sirius had never been able to answer his questions about that, he simply didn't know. "I presume, but no one really knows what happened, I was too young to remember. Well, there is one person, but I doubt if he'd ever tell me."

Blaise lay back on the couch, closing her eyes that no longer were wet, just red from the tears. "You might get a chance to ask him someday, you never know."

"So, Blaise, why were you crying?"

"I told you it was mum's birthday today, but she died two years ago. It was a horrible accident while we were visiting my uncle. We were exploring muggle London and something violent happened, somehow we were caught in the middle and she was shot by something called a gun. Some muggles called doctors but they couldn't get to us fast enough, mum died before anyone could help her."

Harry straightened up, walked slowly down the steps, and sat down next to here. "I'm sorry." It would have been unbearable to remember his parent's and watch them die, especially in that way, a product of some violent muggle conflict.

"It's alright, no one really knows what happened, and I don't tell anyone either, except for you. I spend one day remembering her, she wouldn't have wanted anymore than that. I like to keep my life private, you won't tell anyone else will you? I don't like people to know I cry."

"Alright, I won't tell anyone if you don't want me too. But you know, crying, it isn't all that bad. I cry once in a while."

"When? Harry, be real, you're the sort of person that never cries, no matter what happens. I didn't see you cry once after it happened, and when the twins brought you back in the shape you were, half conscious, it sure must have hurt but you didn't cry at all."

"I cried that night, before they found me, after that I couldn't cry any more."

"Any other times?"

Harry thought back, trying to remember the saddest things in his life, trying to find anytime he had cried. "I don't remember... sometimes."

"You don't remember because you don't cry. I try not too, it's just mum, she's all I had and... I really miss her, I bet you miss you parents too."

Harry thought about it for a few minutes before responding. "I do miss them, I really wish I had known them, even a little, it would have been worth it to know who they were and not loose them before I could remember. What do you remember about your mom or dad?"

"My dad died before I could remember, when I was really young. But mum tried to make everything work, even without him, she always made sure I had everything I needed. At night she would tell me a story and thing sing me to sleep, she better than the Unicorn Undertones." Harry smiled, he had heard them before, and they sounded wonderful. "She worked at home so that I had her nearby. Sometimes, when she had enough time we would go on a vacation and pretend that we were wealthy, have fun doing whatever we wanted."

Harry recalled how hard it was for him sometimes, everything about life seemed to get worse and worse.

"She called me her little pixie, I guess I was a little to rowdy for her a lot of the time. I didn't know or I would have been better."

"We were all like that, we all make it hard for them while we grew up."

"Where you?" The question struck a nerve, Harry couldn't recall a single instance when he had done something against what Sirius had asked, unless it was something that was necessary for their protection. "Uh.... I grew up a little different than most kids."

"I know, but how come other kids aren't like you? You are so much more like my uncle than a kid. I wish I were like you, you can stand up against anything. I bet if you-know-who ever showed up you would stand up against him." Blaise leaned up against Harry and closed her eyes. "Just don't tell anyone about me crying ok? I don't want anyone to know."

"Alright Blaise, I wont say anything to anyone, I promise."

"Good..." Blaise seemed to quiet down, just leaning against Harry for a while. Harry, feeling a bit uncomfortable whispered her name but didn't get an answer, he listened for another few minutes before deciding that she had fallen asleep. Carefully he pulled himself out from under her and laid her out on the couch, summoning a blanket to cover her with. Harry looked at her and felt the sudden urge to cry, he restrained himself, but thought it unusual, he rarely if ever had the urge to cry.

•

Harry spent several days without Sirius, he just took off, leaving Hogwarts because of Remus. Remus didn't appear either, he was around, Harry could see him roaming on the map but no matter how fast he got too the location somehow Remus disappeared completely.

Virginia was in the hospital until the following weekend, and was not allowed visitors. Harry wondered why, she had only had problems with breathing, according to Sirius. When he finally was able to go and see her the first person he ran into was Ron.

"You sent Bill to save us?"

Ron nodded. "I had a sudden fear that Ginny would get involved, and then that something would go wrong. Mum wouldn't know what to do, wouldn't know where to go so I sent him a letter that said you and Ginny would need some help. He almost didn't make it did he?"

"I... I don't remember I got struck by something and the next thing I remember I was here."

Ron looked straight at Harry. "Did you let Ginny go in there when you knew it could get dangerous?"

Harry shook his head. "I told her that if anything happened to go get help and not too come in."

"Alright."

And that was it, he just walked away, leaving Harry to see Virginia. Harry watched him go, was this that point, that point where a bond had been made? Ron had after all saved his life and Sirius's he would never treat him the same, there would always be some trust there.

"Harry?"

Harry turned towards the voice, near the back of the infirmary. "Virginia?"

"Harry, you came. I'm sorry... I didn't mean to go in I just didn't know what to do. I know I was supposed to get help but it was on fire and I knew something had happened, if I had gone to get help you would have died."

"It's alright Virginia, it's alright, everything turned out ok didn't it?"

She nodded as Harry approached. "I suppose, but I wouldn't have broken several bones if I hadn't run inside."

"YOU WHAT?!" she'd hurt herself, and probably pretty bad... but Sirius had said she had gotten sick from the smoke. Sirius... Harry was going to have his piece with him soon enough. "Sorry, I didn't know that."

"I think they told you so you wouldn't come and see me, they didn't want you interfering while I got fixed. It hurt and I wanted you here but they said that you might make things worse."

"I'm sorry I wasn't here, I should have come."

"You were, sort of, I could feel you here like you were holding my hand especially when it hurt a lot."

"You mean..." It was strange to think about something like that, he having a part of him in her.

"Yes, I do believe you were there in some form, I had wondered about that when I first came to young Ms. Weasley." Dumbledore appeared from the shadows of the door, startling Harry. "Something was very odd about the way that she acted while Poppy was working on her. I was having problems adding it up."

Harry cringed, there was something about Dumbledore, he always seemed to know everything. Lately Harry had been carefully avoiding Dumbledore, he didn't want to talk with him at all. The watch was back but the key and the cloak were still missing from his office.

"You know Harry, I've been getting the distinct impressions that you've been avoiding me lately. Is there something that I should know about, anything out of the norm?"

"Uh... what do you mean?" Play dumb, it is better to find out what Dumbledore knew than let things slip that he might not know.

"It seems that there were some items that disappeared from my office recently, though one of them reappeared quite recently. I've also been told that, Merlin willing, Sirius might have avoided his death altogether. Young Ginny here is also a bit of a conundrum, not that we mind having her here, given the rising costs of medical costs and the extent of her injuries I can see why her parents thought it best she be treated here. But that still leaves me to wonder how she might have broken so many bones and gotten burned so badly. I was aware of only one fire near her home recently."

Well what didn't he know? "Alright." Harry sighed. "This is what happened."

Dumbledore listened and nodded, asking questions occasionally while Harry recounted the events that had transpired.

"And Mrs. Weasley didn't recognize either you or Sirius?"

Harry explained the glamour chocolates and Dumbledore chuckled saying something about Sirius and James and then let Harry continue. Harry told him everything, even the secret that he and Virginia now shared– leaving out any mention of his animagus abilities. "And when I woke back up here. Bill had come and saved us, but he didn't see Murdock because he was under the invisibility cloak."

So you've traveled in time, a dangerous and punishable crime, then you caused both yourself, and others harm. On top of that you lost, to a fire, one of your fathers most prized possessions..." Harry nodded glumly. "I believe your father would have done as much, if not more to keep Sirius alive."

Harry smiled, that was a relief to hear. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about everything, I just had to make sure Sirius stayed alive and I didn't know what you would think of me taking the watch and going back. I couldn't let him die, he's all I have."

"It's alright Harry, I was a little surprised when it disappeared, I keep careful track of it. But you see, you've succeeded in more than one way in doing something dangerously powerful, the past was changed but it wasn't everything is the same isn't it?"

Harry thought about it... no one knew he had left, accept for the few people that had participated, the house had burned and Sirius had supposedly died, everything was the same was the same as before, or so it seemed. "I suppose so."

"Do tell me Harry, where is it you discovered the information regarding my private time turner, few people alive know of it."

"I read about them, in Mr. Longbottom's journals. Neville said he had all sorts of experience with time turners and so we went through them, yours was one of them, because it was the closest one it was the best one to choose."

"Mr. Longbottom's journals? I suppose they were for Neville?" Harry nodded. "Yes, he has changed a lot since he left the Aurors, he was so different before, but he did have a great deal of experience as an Auror, he was one of the best. You must understand that what is contained in there are deep secrets, never let them go there is a great wealth of information contained in them." Dumbledore looked around, as though he were ready to leave. Harry wished he would, he wanted to talk to Virginia, alone.

Dumbledore however had something else in mind. He walked over to Virginia's. "Do you know what sort of magic you used when you cast that spell? Did you read about what the spell entailed?" Virginia nodded weakly, Harry wondered what else he might not know about the spell, what if it might cause problems. What other consequences could the spell have? "Then you understood what you were doing before hand, before you did it, and still you volunteered yourself and allowed it to happen. To be able to perform that spell you mist have had a great deal of willpower and courage."

Virginia nodded again, a small tear sliding down her face. "I did."

"Then I suppose I might be able to help keep everything balanced, keep consequences from coming to play. Do you think you would be ready to take on Hogwarts?"

Harry choked, he had just offered Virginia the chance to come to school, what was he doing? Why would Dumbledore do it, what else was Virginia not telling him? If Virginia could come to school everything might be better. "She gets to come this year?"

Dumbledore turned to Harry. "Well, given the circumstances I see nothing wrong with bringing her into the school this year, she is starting a little late but I believe that you would be able to help her catch up. Her skill level is obvious, she has enough magic in her to start her age is not important... What do you think Ms. Weasley, the school year has started so you would have to work extra hard, do you think you could handle 3 months of extra work?"

Virginia nodded excitedly. "When could I start?"

"As soon as you feel up to it, is that alright with you?"

Virginia nodded with a lot of enthusiasm. "As soon as Madam Pomfrey says it's alright I'd like to start. But... My mother, I have to ask her."

"I've already spoken with her about this, she said it was alright if you wanted too, she knew how lonely you were getting without Ron or your friend, when she found out that the friend you had over was on temporary leave from Hogwarts she felt even worse. So, when Madam Pomfrey approves I'll bring you to my office and we can discuss the details of your enrollment. For now I'll leave you to alone to talk now." With a wink Dumbledore was out the door.

"Did you hear that? He said that I could start this year and mum even said it was alright."

"Do you think you'll get into Gryffindor?"

"I hope so. That's what all of my brothers have been in." She smiled. "It's what you're in."

Slowly the smile in her face disappeared. "I wanted to ask you something, I wanted to say something earlier but Dumbledore came in. I said that I felt you, I've been having these dreams lately, and they scare me."

Harry wondered what sort of dreams she might be having. "What are they like?"

"Most are the same, I see people running, carrying me through a house yelling something I don't understand. A man comes, his face is hidden by the shadows, he says something and the person in front of my... dies." Virginia sniffled, tears started coming from her eyes. "He says something to me and there is another flash of light and everything falls, I'm so scared."

Harry remembered that dream, he still had it but not so strong lately, like it was muffled by something. It used to scare him too, but he learned to live with it, no matter how much he hated it. He knew what it was, what the dream was of, the night that his parents died, Voldemort coming in and taking away everything he loved. "What other dreams, you said most are the same."

"There was this other one, of a little boy named Tom. He said that his father hated him because he was a wizard. It was the night before everything happened with Sirius."

Harry thought back, he remembered having that dream, somehow she was linked to him in his dreams.

"Virginia, what did Dumbledore mean... about you knowing what you were doing before you cast the spell? Is there something that you're not telling me?"

Virginia looked away. "Can we not talk about that? It isn't anything that hurts you."

"But it does something to you?"

"It doesn't matter Harry, it was my choice."

"Virginia..."

"NO, Harry I don't want to talk about it."

Harry didn't say anything, there were a lot of things to think about. "Alright, I need to study for my potions class, Snape has been overly agitated at me lately."

"Harry, I didn't mean to... I just can't tell you alright?"

Harry didn't want to hear that. "Really Ginny, I need to go, Hermione will be wondering what happened to me." He turned and left before Virginia could say anything more.

After he walked out the door Virginia started crying. "You called me Ginny..." She whispered to herself

•

"Harry, I'd like to speak to you, after class." Harry looked up, seeing Ender staring at him.

"Alright sir."

The class went by slowly, Harry knew he was distraught about something but he couldn't and wouldn't think about it. When class finally ended Hermione and Blaise waited at the table with him. "Do you want us to wait for you Harry?"

"No, go ahead, I'll catch up with you guys in the next class."

Blaise looked at him. "Are you sure you're alright, you don't seem to be the same, as you were the other night."

"It's alright, I just don't feel well." Harry tried to avoid any thought of what was happening.

"Then you should go to the infirmary." Blaise said, concerned.

"No really, it's alright, it'll go away." Harry answered back, a little to firmly.

"Alright." Blaise left with Hermione following close behind her but not before giving Harry a look that he didn't like.

"So what's wrong Ender, did I do something wrong?" Harry sighed, he really didn't want to talk about this. Virginia was getting out tomorrow, Madam Pomfrey had kept her another two weeks to make sure everything had gone alright. He hadn't gone back since, he was too angry at her to go back and talk to her about it.

"You've been acting different the last few days, even worse than when you found out what happened to Sirius, is there something going on that I might be able to help with? I don't want you to fall behind before the end of term, it's not far away."

"No, I just haven't been able to focus well lately."

"It's not about Sirius is it... because I've spoken with a few people and they think that he might have pulled a switch somehow and he is still alive. Actually I recently spoke to Remus, he suspects that Sirius might have even come here for a day or two just after he supposedly died." Harry didn't feel well, maybe Remus had gone after him and that was why Harry hadn't seen him, but he had spoken to Ender so he would have had to come back here.

"You're not surprised? Is there something you know that I don't?"

Think quickly. "You're just telling me these things to make me feel better, he died in the fire, they found the body." Hopefully Ender would believe that.

"What if he didn't Harry, where do you think he would go?"

"I don't know, I expect he would get as far away from there as possible, maybe go to America where wizards don't know him like they know him here." That was the best answer he could give, give them no information at all.

"You would be surpised at how well he is known through the world, he is even more popular than the Dark Lord there. So... if it isn't Sirius that's causing problems what else could it be? Having problems with friends?"

"Not exactly."

"A friend?"

"Sort of."

"A fight?"

"Yeah. She did something, that involved both of us and I found out that the spell involved her more than me, that she might get hurt or something from it, she wont tell me though." There it was, he said it, he was angry at Vriginia because she was keeping the secret to herself.

"How long have you know her?"

"A lot longer than I've been in school, five years almost."

"Has she ever kept secrets from you?"

"No."

"But the whole time you knew her she kept your secret, and that was a big secret to keep, especially for someone as young as you are."

He had let it slip, that was like giving away a huge secret, Harry hoped ender would keep it a secret. "Yes, she knew everything and kept it a secret."

"Did you ever think about how she feels about it? About why she might be hiding the truth from you?"

"No."

"Are you even mad that she did that or are you mad that she doesn't trust you enough?"

"I don't know Ender... She's so stubborn all she had to do was tell me what she was hiding."

"And all you have to do is let her keep it a secret, let her win. You learn later in life that you don't have to know everything, that people keep secret for a reason to protect themselves our maybe she is protecting you from something." He maid a very good point, could he just let her keep the secret? Maybe.

"I have to go... I don't want to be late for class."

"Just one more question. Did you keep secrets from her while you knew her?"

Harry didn't want to answer that, he had all sorts of secrets he kept from everyone, even a few from Sirius.

"Alright... Go ahead, get to class."

Harry walked slowly down the hall unsure of what to do, he wanted to apologize to Virginia... Ginny right now, maybe treat her like she wanted to be treated. He would call her Ginny to start, she had always given him a hard time for calling her Virginia. But could he? He didn't know what to do, he wanted to but it was so hard, to admit he was wrong.

• Edited 2004.09.18 •