Ranma Nibunnoichi - Reflections
A. V. Morgan
Part Eight: Secrets and Revelations
Nabiki stood and collected her things as the Kuno siblings rushed out of the classroom in search of Ranma and the Pig-tailed-girl. Her factors trickled in as the psychotic pair bounded down the hall. Nabiki accompanied them to a secure room where she could redistribute the cash she had used to bait Tatewaki and Kodachi. Once the betting and lottery pools, as well as the dojo's mortgage funds, were restored, she locked the cash-box and stashed it where it belonged. Because of the urgency of the situation, she had allowed her factors a much greater glimpse into her financial practices than normal, but they would not be her trusted factors if she did not have enough on them to ensure they could be trusted. That was not all she had to threaten them with either. It was amazing to realize how much collateral she got out of holding both debts and family influence over Ranma Saotome. Of course, that was like owning a gun. She never intended to use it, and if she ever needed to, she probably would not have time. A gun was also a lot safer to mess with.
Angels looked down on Nabiki and shuddered.
Nabiki sneezed. Her train of thought suddenly broken, she found herself wondering about Ranma. By her own standards, she was doing him several favors, and the Kunos were kindly footing the bill. Would her one-day-brother-in-law appreciate it? Or even realize it? No doubt she would have to explain how, by exploiting the presence of the copies, she had managed to divert the twice unwanted attentions of Kuno and Kodachi while also distracting the copies from their obsession with each other, and its inevitable drift toward him.
Ranma, for his part, had missed the conclusion of Nabiki's little meeting, and had no idea what was coming. All he had managed to overhear suggested that Nabiki was offering to sell them information about his curse, and of course the pair were so dense it never worked. Just the same, he would play along again, and see if the cost of learning it made the truth go down any better. So, when the siblings spotted him entering the school and rushed over toward him, he resisted the urge to flee. Their faces were unusually sober, if typically determined, and they slowed to a walk before reaching him. Ranma felt his optimism rise as, for once, it looked like they intended to be civil.
"Saotome," Kuno greeted him, putting a hand on his sister's shoulder to restrain her more enthusiastic greeting. She glanced at him, and decided to let him speak. "It has come to my attention that you are bound to the Pig-tailed-girl by a curse. Is this true?"
"Kuno-sempai, I…" Ranma could not help his surprise. "I… that is, yes. This has always been the case. I am sorry," he bowed, amazed that the upper-classman seemed to understand and yet had not blown up over it.
"To think that this matter could be resolved so simply with words," Kuno mused aloud. "Tell me this then. Is it also true that you do not love the Pig-tailed-girl?"
"Of course not! Don't be ridiculous!" Ranma denied on pure reflex. He straightened in growing confusion. If Kuno understood the curse, that was a very strange question to ask. Then again, the kendoist always spoke in an absurd manner.
"I see. Truly this is most enlightening. Pray tell, would it be reasonable to say that you would even try to rid yourself of her?"
Ranma stared at him. It was probably too much to ask that Kuno understood perfectly. Maybe he thought that the curse was like some form of possession. Ranma shrugged, "I guess you could say I've been trying to get rid of her since I was cursed. I've tried all sorts of stuff, but nothin' seems to ever work. It's done nothing but get me into trouble."
Kuno nodded regally. "If this is the truth, then, I can see no other option but to forgive our rivalry. Forsooth there is no need for us to quarrel in this matter. Indeed, I see now that you are a helpless victim, and I assure you I will stand by your side in this matter. Alas, to be bound to a woman against one's will is to have all the joys and mysteries of womanhood become as ash, a hateful condition."
Ranma actually flinched at how… insightful… that comment seemed.
Kodachi spoke up, "My poor Ranma-sama. To have that deceitful embodiment of femininity imposed upon you. That her presence denies you the love of a true woman, such as myself, is tragic!" She slipped into a dramatic pose, biting on a handkerchief while tears flowed down her cheeks. Ranma found himself sweating nervously and backing carefully away from them.
"Well, uh" he rubbed the back of his head. "I am glad you understand now. Uh. I have to get to class. Excuse me." He edged around them and then rushed around a corner, headed towards the stairwell. He almost ploughed though a group of girls crowding the bottom of the stairs. As he skidded to a stop, one of them casually opened a bottle of water and tipped it over his head. As he changed, they all sagged and sighed.
"It's just Ranma. The other one must have already gone to class," the girl with the water bottle moped. As one, they turned and went up the stairs. Ranma, fuming, turned and raced for the nearest bathroom. She did not want to be a girl for the rest of the day. Naturally, she had forgotten about the Kunos. She noticed them as they rushed forward to block her path.
"Pig-tailed-girl! Wait!" Kuno implored.
"What is it now?"
Kodachi pushed her brother out of the way. "We beg your pardon. We simply need to converse with you a moment."
Ranma's eyes narrowed, and her face went blank. It had been too much to hope that she could get away before the siblings started to go all weird on her again. Taking a deep breath, she motioned them to speak, "Go on."
"Only recently, my brother and I have become aware of your curse," the gymnast began, pausing as Ranma-chan covered her face with her hand and sighed. Interpreting this as a gesture of shame, Kodachi's eyes widened. It was, in her mind, the most feminine thing her rival had ever done. For the first time, her mind allowed her to recognize the many, vehement protestations she had made against having a relationship with Ranma. Perhaps, she thought to herself, I have misjudged her. Taking a more comforting tone, she continued, "I don't mean to rub your face in it. It is obvious now that you resent your curse.
"How should I put this?" Kodachi interrupted herself. "Do you love Ranma?" Before her, the red-hair girl straightened, shifting instantly from "maidenly shame" to righteous indignation.
"I've told you before, I am Ranma!" Ranma-chan snarled.
Kodachi's eyes widened again. She snapped her fingers, That's right, she has the same name as Ranma! This fact had been revealed at the Rhythmic Gymnastics Martial Arts Championship, the week after she had first encountered them. How incredibly awkward! Still, Saotome is a fairly common family name, and anyone who dared to give their child a name like "Wild Horse" would naturally assume it was unique. Shaking her head, she moved past that, "Of course, of course. You must forgive me, I am in the habit of being very vexed at you and refusing to call you by the name I reserve for my delicious Ranma-sama!"
Kuno elbowed his sister in the ribs, stopping her from deviating into one of her fits of romantic excess.
Clearing her throat, while the red-haired girl stared at her, she tried once more to think of a way to address her question. "Surely, you understand that I am referring to the boy Ranma? I mean, you honestly can't kiss him and pretend that he doesn't exist, now matter how bizarre the circumstances that brought you together!"
Ranma wilted, but could not let this pass, "First of all, Ranma is MY name and he has no rights to it," she growled. The addition of the copies did complicate the matter. She was beginning to understand why Kuno and Kodachi were after her for more of an explanation. That was something she really did not want to talk about, but if they had already heard about the boy jumping her in the bathroom they already knew the worst. Squaring her shoulders, she tried to set the record straight. "Second, he got to me when my guard was down. He kissed me. It makes me sick to think about it!"
"So, you don't love him? You want nothing to do with him?"
"No way! Absolutely not!" Ranma-chan raved.
Ranma stood there, bristling in indignation before the siblings. They exchanged a look and nodded.
"Very well. I think you for indulging our curiosity. Perhaps my feelings toward you have been misplaced," Kodachi concluded, bowing. Nabiki's claim had been established by both participants, or so they assumed. Nothing more needed to be said until she and her brother came up with a plan to deal with this unholy union of Ranma and the Pig-tailed-girl. They turned and walked calmly away, leaving Ranma-chan standing there feeling strangely unsettled. Then the bell for the first afternoon class rang, and she was racing upstairs, forced to report late and as a girl.
Believing that the long misunderstandings with Kuno and Kodachi had finally been cleared up, Ranma spent the rest of the school day in a cheerful mood. While most of his fellow students, including Akane and Ukyo, were mystified about the change, many of them attributing it to things that would cause Akane to knock Ranma clear to Jupiter, the copies themselves were encouraged by it. During the class breaks, they pulled Ranma off into a corner to argue their case. They were only partially successful, because their attempts to explain their investigations into the topic of making love were cut off instantly. They did manage to explain that they had learned that they had been going about things the wrong way. Intrigued, Ranma listened to their rationale for the scene before lunch. Explaining that they had put aside the matter of making love to focus on earlier steps, like dating and flirting, and agreed to take precautions to avoid mistaking Ranma for one of them, they asked for permission to try an official date, since their unofficial date had produced unintended results.
After clarifying that the pair did not intend to dive straight into making love, Ranma decided that allowing them to date might be a reasonable solution. If the two could be trusted to go off alone together, and not do anything too serious, he just might get a bit of a break. Of course his own experience with dating was a bit eccentric. Because making out and heavy petting were also part of foreplay, and foreplay was part of making love, they neglected to introduce them as features of the normal dating process in their minds.
With his limited understanding of the couple's intentions, Ranma went over to Akane and filled her in on the plan. Ranma had decided to let the clones have the afternoons free for dating purposes. Akane, suspicious of anything boy-girl oriented, questioned this idea, but eventually relented. Spending twenty-four hours a day keeping an eye on the clones was too much to bear. She agreed to the plan on the "no-making-love" stipulation. The copies welcomed this official sanction and found it easy to contain themselves for the remainder of school. At the end of classes, Akane suggested they stop Nabiki before she went home and pick up their "commissions" so they could pay for their date. Curious, they followed these instructions, amazed when Nabiki casually handed them twenty-thousand-yen and warned them not to spend it all in one place with a sly smile.
"What's this 'commission' thing all about?" Ranma-chan demanded, unable to believe Nabiki had given money away without any kind of loan agreement or conditions.
"Hmm? Oh, did I forget to explain this to you?" Nabiki grinned. Ranma narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. Nabiki pulled out her ledger and opened it. "As you know, I am an entrepreneur. I see opportunities to make money, and grab them. From time to time, this means marketing a sellable commodity. I can't make money off of people without giving something back, right? People would say I was using them if I did that." Ranma stared with growing scorn.
"Are you callin' me a commodity?"
"Ranma! You're my most profitable venture!"
"Ah, so. And this 'commission' business?"
"Well, technically, you earn a two percent share of the net profits, on deposit with me, since you have numerous debts and expenses I am required to manage," Nabiki smiled.
"You just gave them money! You never give me money!"
"They asked for it. You can't blame me if you never pick up your commission. Don't worry, that money is working for you. Working very hard," Nabiki emphasized with big eyes and much nodding.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means, after deducting the minimum payments from your outstanding debts, you own shares in a number of business ventures managed by me." Nabiki looked at Ranma with the pride of a great financial wizard lauding the merits of an excellent portfolio.
"I don't even know what you're talking about! Do I get money from you?"
"Huh! Well, if you think you can manage it better than me, I suppose you do. Do you want to liquidate or just collect your week's disbursement?"
"Uh. That liquid thing… No offense, but that sorta thing kinda rubs me the wrong way. I guess that week thing, that's what you gave them, right?"
"Pretty sharp, Ranma-chan! Might be some hope for you yet!"
"Uh. Sure. Is it a lot?"
"You could say that today has been a very profitable day, so, yeah. It's pretty decent. Of course, I can't give you all of it, because I still have to collect payment, but I can give you an advance. That alright?"
"I don't know. Whenever I talk money with you, I feel like there's someone behind me with a skinning knife. Are you sure this isn't going to cost me?"
"Relax, Ranma! For once you're in the black. Avoid any serious property damage this week, and you'll be fine," Nabiki assured him. "Here. That's fifty-thousand-yen. Now, go on, have fun."
"Uh. Wow. Thanks, Nabiki," Ranma looked at the wad of money in her hands with awe. Nabiki smiled at him, and walked outside, whistling cheerfully. The crowd that stood around them while this conversation occurred hung their heads and wandered after her to find out who won the lesser bets in the pool.
Nabiki was just happy. Most of the school knew she paid kick-backs to people she profited off of, but Ranma had never collected. She had bet half the school that Ranma would not even inquire about his share of the loot unless someone pointed the option out to him. It had paid off in two ways, since anyone who placed a bet would not dare mention the system to him, and in the end, because half the school had bet heavily that he would figure it out on his own. The other bets had been over how long it would take him, one way or the other, to get his first kick-back. Those bets had been by random lottery, since Nabiki would not allow anyone to fudge the main bet to collect on a lesser one.
None of this mattered to Ranma. She was suddenly rich, and free of molestation from no less than five people. Happosai was still trapped in the mirror, Kuno and Kodachi were finally clued in (or at least distracted from her), and the copies were off on a date. She grabbed Akane and dragged her away at top speed, seeking out her favorite restaurant and ice cream parlor before the cash could burn a hole in her pocket.
Nabiki remained in front of the school until the Kuno siblings made their next appearance. They greeted Nabiki formally, but with less than characteristic coolness. Having verified her story, they felt no qualms about going with the middle Tendo daughter to the bank to complete the transaction started during lunch. They escorted her to the bank, courtesy of a ride in the family limo. After forty-five minutes, Nabiki was forty-million-yen in the black and feeling generous. She suggested the three of them stop for coffee, so she could give them a free update on the Ranma/Pig-tailed-girl situation. Naturally, the siblings took her to a high class café and picked up the tab.
Sipping her coffee, Nabiki glanced over the rim of the cup at the pair. They were too wired to enjoy their own drinks, so she decided to get right to business. "I assume you caught each of them alone and verified my information," she began, knowing from her spies at school all about their confrontations with Ranma. The boy-girl was so ingenious, she could always rely on him to give people the right wrong impressions. "I caution you, however, that the matter is often more difficult. They do have very excitable personalities, and rise instantly to a challenge, so it is important to be very discrete with them, or you will end up in a fight as fast as you can blink.
"The important thing to remember is that they are in love with the idea of being in love. Obsessed with finding someone to love them. When they've been together, this is sort of reinforced," she took a sip and studied the pair. They were listening intently. "My advice is to proceed calmly. They're both pretty honest when you are civil with them, so if you ask them, they'll give you an honest answer. You want to challenge the basis of their 'love' for each other. Get them to admit that it's a compulsion."
"Yes. Those were my thoughts on the matter," Kuno nodded.
"Is there anything else you can tell us?" Kodachi entreated.
"Well, just that the two of them went off on a date after school," Nabiki took another sip as the pair bolted out of the restaurant. Very casually, she began nibbling at her double-chocolate fudge cake between gulps of coffee. As she was finishing her treats, the siblings returned to the café and settled across from her at the table. She looked up and smiled patiently.
Kuno regained his breath and asked, "You would not, perchance, know where they have embarked on this perilous venture, would you?"
"I have a few ideas," she offered, rising from her seat.
Even though Hiroshi and Daisuke had provided a veritable catalogue of suitable dating spots, Copy-chan and Copy-kun had wordlessly agreed on a trip to the park. As most of the student body of Furinkan suffered from perpetual losses in Nabiki's betting pools, the park was a popular destination for young couples. The copies noticed the abundance of paired activity and spent a while wandering the park and observing. After a couple of circuits, they had begun to get a fair notion of what flirting entailed. In some respects, it was almost more fun to watch than to perform, because the reactions were so interesting. After careful consideration, and much debate, the couple decided that flirting consisted largely of working up the nerve to initiate and sustain physical contact. It was not unlike feeling out an opponent in a combat. Move too soon, or too quickly, and you get hit. Move too late, and the opportunity was gone. As most of those observed seemed to be easily distracted, the clones concluded that part of the difficulty of dating was a lack of discipline and perception.
For them, reading another's body language was a well developed talent. If they had actually endured Ranma's upbringing, they would have called it a skill. However, the awkwardness of flirting had its endearments. There was an element of play in it, and quite clearly the flirting couples were having fun despite their frustrations.
Once they had their fill of observation, they filed most of it away and sought out a private spot to pursue the art of making out. As they had discovered in the school yard, making out did give their bodies ideas about what to do next, as kissing and hugging led to caressing. By natural progression, caressing would inevitably lead to more intimate exploration, under the right circumstances, which explained why getting a partner alone was so important in making love.
Remembering that talking was a big part of dating, they shared their thoughts and impressions about what they were doing and how it felt as they proceeded to make out. Naturally, they followed the traditions of their art, drawing parallels between techniques designed to hurt, incapacitate or kill an opponent and a new frontier of techniques to please, enthrall and… could there be an outcome as powerful, as profound as death, in the art of making love? If the parallels of pain and pleasure were anything to go by, it seemed almost plausible that the art of love could some how sow life, to balance the art of war's potential to sow death. For two who felt in their bones their capacity to destroy people, the capacity to create people was staggering in its implications.
"I am really startin' to hate not havin' a clue," Copy-kun grumbled.
"It'd be nice to know more about how the world works," Copy-chan agreed. "Imagine the shock if we'd blundered ahead and accidentally created a person? I mean think about it, the Art makes one very skilled at destroying people, but anyone can blunder into killing someone entirely by accident. In fact, it's a lot more likely if you don't know what you're doin'! It's a good thing people were messin' with us or we might have… uh… er… what's the opposite of being killed?"
"Um. Being born, I think," Copy-kun searched his mind.
"Right! So, there you have it. If they hadn't stopped us, then next thing you know, bam! Someone gets born!" Copy-chan shook her head. Birth and death were pretty abstract concepts for her, since she'd never been close to seeing or doing either. It really surprised her that her head had not contained any warning that making love could have such an outcome. That association was only there for something filed under sex. Since she had not been thinking of birth, and it did not take any thought to recognize that she was a girl, she had totally missed that warning.
Copy-chan blinked. She ran through her thoughts again. Closing her eyes and gripping her head in one hand, she struggled to make sense out of the tangle of ideas she had inherited. Sex had a lot of strange associations past the principle meaning she found, the difference between male and female. Now she looked through them. The one she had tripped over was some vague warning which had been a bit perplexing. Like, what makes a girl a girl is her sex. If a girl has sex, she can get pregnant. Pregnancy leads to birth. By that logic, a girl ought to spontaneously produce babies, and therefore the whole chain of association was filed under "irrational". There was no preexisting "make love" area of thought, because the whole notion of making love had come to her when she first wondered how to find love. That led her to investigate "making love" and reach this latest idea. With a click, the strange associations with "sex" all clicked into place, and the world turned on its ear.
Copy-kun stared at her, as her eyes bugged out and her mouth flapped in wordless epiphany. She grabbed the front of this shirt, shaking him, trying to will him to understand this revelation too.
"What is it!? You're scarin' me!"
"It… it's sex!" she gasped. "Sex is the opposite of killing! Sex is making love! Sex is… is… ohmigod!" she covered her mouth as hundreds of things that she did not remember hearing suddenly became understood.
Unable to understand her hysterics, Copy-chan leaned back. Sighing and closing his eyes, he asked himself what could be so exciting about sex. A girl's a girl, a boy's a boy. Big deal. Gears began to whir. A few minutes later, he was gasping along with her, as his mind dutifully unraveled the mystery of life. Thus, it was to the sight of the pair of them, sprawled on the ground, eyes wild, breath coming ragged, hair standing on end while they muttered about sex, that Nabiki, Kuno and Kodachi finally intruded.
Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Who dropped the bomb?"
"Sex!" Copy-chan shouted at her, her face full of meaning.
"…Drugs and rock and roll," Nabiki muttered, taking the opening impulsively. "You look like you're about to fall off the planet, Copy-chan. Take a deep breath and tell me what's got you so excited."
"Sex!" Copy-kun grabbed Nabiki's leg, looking up at her feverishly.
"Down boy. I don't do requests."
"They're raving," Kodachi muttered, twisting away in dismay, arms and legs bent as if she were contemplating running away in haste. She then marched over to Copy-kun and pried his hands off of Nabiki. "Oh, Ranma-sama, so distraught by this vile compulsion, you would grab anything to pull yourself away! How noble!" As she moved to glomp him, Copy-chan reached out and snagged his pig-tail, snatching her better half out of the gymnast's hands.
For a moment, everyone stood still.
The copies, remembering the Kuno siblings attacking them earlier, quickly collected their wits and got to their feet. Though they appeared to just be standing there casually, Kuno, Kodachi and Nabiki all recognized that the martial artists were on guard. Kodachi composed herself, remembering that she and her brother needed to approach these two cautiously.
Kuno looked the copies up and down, and then proceeded, "Even as the sight of such unbecoming intimacy, as once more I have found you indulging, strikes deep into my wounded heart, know I strive to remember that you cannot help yourselves. Oh, the tragedy, two youths driven into desperate embraces by unholy powers! Verily, the Heavens must tear asunder and weep at this atrocity." Kuno raised his hand and pointed at the couple. "Oft I have struck out in ignorance, and e'en now you cringe, forced by passions you cannot control to stand against me. But hear this, I am here to help, not harm."
"Huh?"
"Laying in on a little thick, aren't you, Kuno-chan?"
"I remind you two that your love is but a folly, a crass compulsion that drives you in search of salvation in love's arms," Kuno blathered on, ignoring Nabiki. "Is this not true?"
"Uh, do you have any idea what he's talkin' about?" Copy-kun turned to look at Copy-chan. She looked back and shrugged. The boy looked back at Kuno and tried to unravel his archaic speech. "Oh," Copy-kun snapped his fingers. He leaned close to Copy-chan and whispered, "This is what Ranma was talking about last night. How it's the ghost of the noble woman is makin' us look for love."
Copy-chan tilted her head and nodded, before looking back at Kuno. "Yeah, that's pretty much true. What's your point?"
"Has this unnatural attraction not brought down upon you nothing but hardship and frustration? Would it not be wiser to abandon a relationship defined only by obsession and compulsion to embrace a truer love?"
"I'm not sure we're following you. What do you mean?"
"I mean, to free you both from your accursed relationship, my sister and I wish to offer our love. Allow us to be the means by which this curse might be lifted," Kuno offered. Kodachi stood beside him and nodded.
"What my dear brother is trying to say, is that we wish to date with you. Is it not true that all you require is to find someone to love? Someone to love you?"
"Uh. That is the idea," the copies murmured.
"Have you found love together?"
"Dunno. Still tryin' to figure out what love is."
"Then let us help you," the Kunos begged.
Once more the copies exchanged looks. Their initial impressions of the siblings were not terribly appealing. At the same time, they were both healthy, attractive and passionate individuals. The intensity of their advances had put the copies off. Then again, people had run from them for their own overtures. Copy-chan had more experience with rejection, since her opposite had only come on to Ranma. She had wondered why people ran from her, and here she had been running from unwanted attention herself. She had not thought about it, and sensed that might be true of most people. Clearly, dating and flirting really were necessary. She grabbed Copy-kun and shared her thoughts with him.
"If you think about it, it's not a bad idea to give them a try. I still remember what Ranma said about us. I don't want to stop learning with you, but we might learn something more in outside relationships. I mean, they say they love us. It might be a bad idea to turn our backs if it's the real thing," she argued. Like herself, Copy-kun seemed stumped by the proposal.
"If you wanna give it a try, I guess I don't mind," he finally gave in.
Turning back to the siblings, they agreed to try dating Kuno and Kodachi. The siblings erupted into instant celebration, grabbing Copy-chan and Copy-kun and dancing around the little clearing with them. While a little disturbed by the outburst, and the glomping, they reminded themselves that they had been forced to learn restraint themselves. The Kunos were probably very inexperienced. Putting smiles on their faces, straining for patience, the copies tried to share in their new partners' enthusiasm.