Ranma Nibunnoichi - Reflections
A. V. Morgan
Part Eleven: Stirring the Pot
The inhabitants of the Tendo Dojo had become nervous over the course of the evening. Certain individuals, particularly a pair of patriarchs, had been oblivious to the descending moods of Ranma and his copies during dinner. Kasumi, who might not pay much heed to any number of odd occurrences, was the most concerned by Ranma's withdrawal and its effect on Copy-chan and Copy-kun. Nabiki, sensing it as well, was also concerned. They would not be likely to do anything she could profit off of if they just moped around like lumps. No one bought sad pictures of Ranma, even if there were plenty people who would like to ensure his misery. Akane was getting angry at the three of them for feeling so sorry for themselves—and for doing it so well she was actually, almost, feeling sorry for them herself. Perhaps that explained the activities they preoccupied themselves with once the trio had disappeared upstairs. Kasumi, true to her nature, decided to go scrub the upstairs hall, conveniently putting herself between the Ranmas and the rest of the household. Nabiki wandered over to the phone and placed a quiet call to the infamous Cat Café requesting a late night delivery from Shampoo. If the purple-haired vixen could not shake things up, then nothing could. Akane sat and stared at Genma. The man was looking thoughtful, and that was not an encouraging sight.
Ironically, there were some parallels between Genma's thoughts and the conversation upstairs. The topic in both cases was: Nodoka, and the ever-present threat of seppuku that hung over their heads. While Ranma was explaining the history of that fateful contract, Genma was pondering a positively "inspired" solution.
In the guestroom, the copies stared at Ranma with open-mouthed disbelief. "So, let me get this straight," Copy-kun interrupted. "Your dad took you away from your mother when you were, what, five? Six? He had you on the road for ten years or so, and he never so much as mentioned your mother's existence until she showed up a few months ago. You didn't even know about this agreement until she told the Tendos?"
"Yeah," Ranma sighed and filled in a little more detail, "The whole time my old man was sendin' home letters and such lettin' her know how my training was going. Of course he musta been making stuff up, since the truth woulda probably given her a nervous breakdown or somethin'. When we both got cursed the idiot stopped writing, and she began tryin' to track us down." He snorted in disgust, "He practically guaranteed she'd find us, and thanks to this stupid curse he got me, she's liable to kill us on sight!"
"That's unbelievable! She's that serious about all this 'Man-Among-Men' non-sense!?" Copy-chan leaned away and shuddered as Ranma nodded.
"I've already had some close calls. She carries our family's honor blade everywhere she goes, just in case she runs into me and she decides I'm not man enough to suit her."
"That's insane. Surely, if you just explained the curse, she would understand!"
"I won't risk it. I mean, she knows my Pop. He'd try to fast-talk his way out of getting caught by gravity. She ain't gonna let us make excuses for our failure."
"But you said she's always coming over here and teaching you to cook and taking you shopping for girl stuff."
"She doesn't know it's me. Pops and I use our curses to hide from her. I pretend to be Akane's cousin, Ranko, and Pops pretends to be my pet panda," Ranma explained. He went on to explain how, the first time his mother saw him, he was in girl form, and she had lectured her about being such a tomboy. "All this stuff she's doin' to make a proper 'lady' of me, it's become the hardest part of dealin' with my curse. I can't say no, and I end up tryin' to please her, but then I end up changin' back into a guy so she sees me in girls' clothes or somethin' and…" he trailed off.
"Has that really happened? How did you get out of it?"
"I dunno. She had me dead to rights. She caught me with Akane, when she just thought I was some pervert, but Akane helped me slip out of that. Then, when we thought she left, she snuck in and… Some stupid stuff happened that made her think the 'pervert' was molesting Akane. I use one of Pop's tricks to get away, and she realized it was me, and started goin' on about how the stuff I was supposedly doin' with Akane was okay if I was engaged to her. I thought, if she felt that way, I could finally confront her, but Happosai interfered. He dressed me in a school girl's outfit while we were fighting, and Mother walked in just in time to see it, and remember when she caught me in 'Ranko's' clothes. She started the ceremony for seppuku on the spot," Ranma shuddered, as he relived that fateful night. "I couldn't sit there and take it, so I split. The others came up with this plan to have her catch me peepin' on Akane in the bath, to prove how, in spite of being a 'crossdresser' I had more manly interests. The stupid tomboy! I was all worked up, cuz she always gets so violent if someone sees her naked. Instead of bein' naked, she was wearing her bathing suit covered in soap suds. I couldn't believe it!"
"What, you actually wanted to see her naked?"
"You gotta be jokin', right! That macho chick!?" he flinched, expecting a hammer to descend from out of nowhere. When nothing happened he continued, "The point is, she was supposed to be naked when I was peeping so my mom would be convinced that I liked that sort of thing. Naturally, she screwed it up. I figured at that point that I was a dead man."
"You don't looked gutted and decapitated."
"Nah, Nabiki said my mom thought I was just acting disappointed. Then Happosai threw some Happodaikarin at me and Mom tried to put out the fuse with the sprayer. Pops knocked me out the window so fast she didn't see me change, and I haven't seen her since then."
"Were you disappointed?"
"Why would you even ask?"
"It's just… are you interested in naked girls at all?"
"Half the time I am one! Why would I get excited about that?"
"Uh, good point."
"Anyway, you ought to understand now why I can't accept my girl side. I have to be a man, or I have to kill myself."
"Um. Maybe that's how your mom sees it, but, what about you? If you didn't have all of that over your head, would you still fight being a girl?"
"My mom's only half the problem. All my life I've been nagged by my old man about how weak and useless girls are. Because I've been a girl, I know it's not like he meant," he added quickly, as Copy-chan reared up in anger. "My girl form is weaker than my guy form. Softer and smaller too. It doesn't keep me from being able to fight, which is about all that matters as far as I am concerned. As a girl I trade speed for strength, agility for toughness, and compared to most guys, I am still pretty damn strong. As a student of Anything-Goes, turning into a girl is actually an asset sometimes." He sighed, trying to figure out how to make his point. "Bein' a girl isn't the problem. The problem is not being able to be myself, no matter what I look like."
Copy-chan studied him for a long moment, before asserting, "You're missing the point. Appearances are just on the surface. Turning into a girl is more than a change of form. It's a change of function. You don't just turn into a 'girl', you become female." From the look on his face, she was stating the obvious, but that did not mean he was getting it. She decided to take a different approach. "Is your dad a better person than your mom, aside from the fact that he's forced her into a situation where she's honor bound to kill you?"
"Are you kidding!? My old man is like a nightmare. Compared to him, my mom is the best person in the world!"
"And which of them would you rather take after?"
"Huh!?" Ranma stared at her in shock.
"As a person. A human being, which of them would you rather be like?"
"I don't ever want to be like Pops!"
"I didn't ask what you don't want. You can't know somethin' by listing the things you don't want," she retorted saucily. After exchanging glares, she continued. "So, if you had a choice, would you rather take after your mom or your dad?"
"My mom, I guess."
"So, even though she is female, you believe she's a better person, a better role model, than your dad," it wasn't quite a question. The statement forced Ranma to pause in thought before nodding hesitantly.
"Do you realize that you could be like her? You could be a mother. You could have kids and be the mother for them that you never had."
"Why would I want that!?"
Copy-chan sighed and pressed on, "The point is, you can have that. Did you ever consider that? No. Why? Because your dad insulted women every chance he got, and now you think girls are useless, just like your dad!"
Ranma almost blew up. Unfortunately, she was right, at least about how his father had poisoned his mind about girls. Instead of erupting, the anger seethed as he tried to gather his wits. "Why are you pushing me to be a girl?" he demanded when he could control his voice.
Copy-chan stood up and walked out of the room.
"Don't walk away! Tell me why you are doing this!" Ranma shouted, jumping up to follow her. She ignored him, entering the upstairs bathroom and going to the sink. Kasumi, on her knees scrubbing near the top of the stairs, stood and casually walked downstairs when she saw them. Ranma paused in the door way as Copy-chan turned on the faucet and splashed her face with cold water. Ranma repeated his question, stepping forward to grab her by the arm, "Why are you pushing me to be a girl?"
She squeezed her hand over the end of the faucet, sending a spray of cold water into Ranma's face. As Ranma-chan spluttered in anger, she finally answered, "You are a girl. Deny that, you deny a part of yourself. You deny me, and frankly, it pisses me off!"
"Why!? What the hell should it matter to me, anyway?"
Before Copy-chan could answer, Genma came up the stairs. The two girls turned to look at him, wondering if he had heard the argument. Genma glared at them and went into the guest room. From inside they heard him speak to Copy-kun.
"Come downstairs, Boy. I need to speak to you in the dojo."
Ranma-chan frowned and walked to the door. When her father came out, she confronted him, "What's goin' on, Pop? What do you wanna talk about?"
Genma did not look at her. "This doesn't concern you. You keep that girl upstairs. I don't want her to interfere." Ranma blinked in shock. For some reason, his old man had got it into his head to play sensei. The tough formality was familiar enough, but his father seemed unusually cold. It sent a shock of alarm through her. She stood there in confusion as Copy-kun filed out after Genma. Copy-chan looked worried, as she joined Ranma-chan at the head of the stairs.
"He's up to no good," the part-time girl frowned.
"Sounds like that's all he's ever up to," her twin quipped. Standing behind Ranma-chan, an idea came to her. Impulsively, she slipped forward, grabbing Ranma-chan by the hand, and dragged her down the stairs. Instead of leading her through the hall and out to the dojo, she turned as they passed the washroom and led the other girl into the furo.
"Hey! What are you doin' draggin' me in here!?"
As she slipped out of her clothes, Copy-chan answered, "I didn't get a hot bath earlier, and you look like you could use one now."
"We can't go in there together!"
"Why not? Not like I've got anything you don't know about," she grinned, spinning around in the buff to display the familiar assets.
"That's not funny. I warned you two to stop makin' passes at me!"
"Don't you wanna know if I can bring out the man in you as well as my other half can bring out your girl side?"
"Uh…"
"I mean, you must wanna know if it was him or you, right?"
"Th… that's so mean!"
"Huh! I thought it sounded like a generous offer! After all," her grin turned evil, "what real man says no to an opportunity for sex!?"
"I… I'm not a man right now," Ranma-chan cringed.
Copy-chan leaned close, her hands unfastening the ties on Ranma's shirt as she whispered, "Don't worry. I know how to make a man out of you!" Before Ranma could scream in alarm, Copy-chan pressed her mouth over the other girl's and took her breath away. As intended, Ranma-chan chose to take the proposition as a challenge, a way to prove his manhood.
As Ranma-chan was sinking into a whole new kind of hot water in the bathroom, Shampoo was marching in through the genkan. Nabiki, ever conscious of damage expenses, had left the entrance to the house wide open for her arrival. As the purple-haired amazon stalked into the building, she was craning her neck for any sign of her beloved Airen. "Nihao! Delux Ramen Desert! Shampoo make special for Airen! Ranma? You home now, yes?"
Kasumi and Nabiki rushed forward, smiles of quite opposite nature gracing their faces.
"Why, hello, Shampoo! Welcome to our home!"
"Shampoo! Just the person I was hoping to see!" Nabiki quickly paid for the ramen, escorting the amazon over to the table. "Ranma is out in the dojo, talking with his father. Why don't you go say hi, while Kasumi and I set the table?"
"Aiyaa! Very strange Mercenary Girl be so nice! Shampoo very surprised!" the girl giggled, bouncing in place as Kasumi took the heaping bowl from her hands. "Shampoo Great-grandmother say Shampoo stay make sure Ranma really enjoy special desert! Is okay!"
"Sure, Shampoo, make yourself at home," Nabiki fought her grin back under control.
Shampoo bobbed a few times, either nodding or bowing in appreciation, before launching herself out through the open shoji.
"She is such a happy girl!" Kasumi commented, laying out cups and bowls.
"You can't buy that kind of happiness, Kasumi," the middle sister responded, adding to herself, "Nope, the price for that is some form of insanity, I am sure!"
Outside, as Shampoo ran around the house to get to the dojo, she came to an abrupt halt. Her eyes narrowed as she spied Akane crouched against the screened entrance to the training hall, ear pressed close to hear what Genma found so important to say to Copy-kun. "What Violent Girl doing spying on Shampoo Airen!"
Akane whipped around and instantly made shushing motions.
"You no tell Shampoo 'Shush!" the Amazon pulled out her bonbori and went into attack position. "Shampoo teach Violent Girl not speak so to amazon womans!"
"Shampoo! Please be quiet! Ranma's father is up to something and I need to find out what!"
"Ranma father crazy man want Airen marry Violent Girl! Shampoo go save Ranma from evil plot!"
Akane stared as the girl rushed straight at her, and dodged out of the way. Just before the amazon could knock down the wall and confront Genma, the shoji swept open and Copy-kun looked out in puzzlement. Shampoo lit up at the sight of him, and flung her bonbori away so she could leap in and crush "Ranma" in greeting. "Wo da Airen!"
"Urk!" Copy-kun wheezed as the air was squeezed out of him. Not having had time to make out the girl's features as she pounced on him out of the darkness, he instantly went into "flee from Kodachi" mode, jumping straight into the air, bouncing off the roof of the house and contorting in his efforts to break Shampoo's grip. Unfortunately, Shampoo was much harder to slip away from than Kodachi. In his panic, he bounced down the length of the roof and spilled the pair of them over the edge. Right into the koi pond, of course.
Shampoo, for all she hated it when her Airen dragged them into water in his attempts to escape her embrace, was prepared for the trigger to her curse. As her limbs and body lost the length and mass to sustain a grip on her beloved, she sank her claws in to make sure she remained close to him. As Copy-kun reared up from the pond, screaming from the sensation of cat claws puncturing his flesh, Shampoo realized he was still a him.
"Mraow?" she voiced her confusion. What this!? Airen no change!
Copy-kun, hearing that second bit of evidence, stiffened and looked down. "It'sa… it'sa… it'sa… C-c-c-CAAAAAAT!" Automatically, he tried to plant his hands in Shampoo's furry belly and push her away. Naturally, she dug her claws in and scowled in discomfort. The boy emitted a few strange hiccupping noises and then flopped face forward into the pond. Shampoo squirmed and tried to swim away before his weight could trap her underwater. The instant her claws released, the boy's arms and legs began thrashing in an uncoordinated attempt to put maximum possible distance between him and feline hell.
In the bathroom, Ranma-chan jerked out of the arms of her twin as the one, drawn out word penetrated the surrounding neighborhood. The impromptu initiation into making out (which proved to be so engrossing, Ranma had completely forgot about changing form) ceased, as the two girls went cold with fear. Ranma-chan slipped into the washroom, grabbing a robe from the laundry, and rushed out to investigate. "Stay here," she shouted to Copy-chan, before slamming the shoji behind her. Racing through the hall, she caught the delicious aroma of ramen. "Shampoo!" she concluded at once.
Shampoo had been distracted, trying to clamber out of the pond, and had caught only a glimpse of "Ranma's" departure. She completely missed the sight of him crawling under the house. It had looked like he was fleeing into the Tea Room. She did not have to question this assumption when she peered into the well lit sitting area and saw Ranma-chan burst in from the hall, wrapped in a loose robe. Their eyes met across that distance. Shampoo, forgetting for an instant that "Ranma" had not changed while in the pond, bounded straight towards the red-head. Ranma-chan eeped in distress and fled back down the hall, past the washroom entrance to the bathroom, and out the door leading to the dojo.
Copy-chan heard her twin race by the washroom door, wailing in panic, and poked her head out to see where the danger was. She caught the sight of Ranma-chan's back, legs flashing bare beneath the billowing robe, but mercifully, no cat was on her heels. Or, not closely. Turning to look the other way, she saw the purple-tipped cat coming into the hall from the Tea Room, and flinched back in shock. Unable to even articulate her fear, she screeched and raced into the bathroom. Whattodo!? Whattodo!? What… water! Cat's hate water! she made a beeline straight to the furo, Shampoo hot on her heels. Naturally, jumping into a hot bath with "Ranma" was the last thing the amazon feared. She leapt up to Copy-chan's shoulder as the girl was throwing herself into the steaming water. She let out a scream and plunged in. To her shock, the weight of Shampoo's normal form suddenly materialized on her back, bearing her to the tile bottom of the furo. Rolling in desperation, as a different submerged fear took hold, she dumped Shampoo's weight to the side and lunged up out of the water.
Before either girl could get her bearings, the two found themselves locked together at the lips, their limbs entangled. Copy-chan relaxed instantly, having no problems determining that this was not a cat. The next thing through her mind was a fast-becoming-familiar thought. She REALLY liked making out.
Shampoo was not prepared for the passionate response. Her mind was still processing the sensations from her body that screamed that something was wrong in Jusenkyo. The water was hot. Airen was still a girl. She found that more important than the kiss. At least, once it penetrated the mountain of bliss the same kiss had perched her on.
"What going on!" she gasped, pushing away from Copy-chan.
"I dunno… but it sure feels good!" Copy-chan mumbled with a silly grin.
"What wrong with Ranma curse!? First, no change in cold water. Then change in no water. Now no change in hot water! That not right!"
Copy-chan managed to parse enough of the broken speech to grasp that Shampoo understood the nature of Ranma's curse. She had no idea where the girl had come from, or who she was, but she already knew the most damning thing about her. She was yet another love-struck groupie of the infamous Ranma Saotome. Feeling a new wave of rejection, she pushed the girl away from her hard. "It figures. You only want HIM!"
"What you say!!!" Shampoo's eyes widened as her mind took the available evidence and jumped to a conclusion. It was, after all, a well traveled path in Nerima. "Why you say that! Ranma curse broken!? You no more can change to boy!?"
Copy-chan, remembering that there was a cat nearby, had not been paying attention. Catching the last part, and feeling a bit snappish, she retorted. "Do I look like a boy!?" she crouched down and splashed herself with the hot water, "Sorry, it don't work on me. Too bad! Just a girl! Will be for the rest of my life! You'll just have to find someone else!"
"No, no! Shampoo love Airen! Shampoo get Great-grandmother to help. We find cure!"
"There is no cure!" Copy-chan screamed in the girl's face. "Just go away! You don't even know me! I'm not your 'Airen', I'm not even Ranma!" She stopped shouting as she saw the girl twitch in shock and pain, her face crumpling into tears. Getting a handle on herself, Copy-chan sighed. "I'm sorry..." she still did not know where the cat went, and she could no longer resist the urge to flee the bathroom, for fear that it was lurking in a corner, ready to pounce on her when she was alone. She rushed out through the washroom, slipping into one of Ranma's big t-shirts, and sprinted in search of a cat-proof room.
By the time Ranma-chan and Copy-kun had recovered enough from their fright to return to the house, Shampoo had slipped into clothes from the koi-pond-depository, and raced home to consult with Cologne. Genma was waiting for them, looking royally peeved. He grabbed the pair and marched them upstairs. To their surprise, Genma paused to shove Ranma into Akane's room, where she crashed into Copy-chan cowering on her futon.
"You're sleeping in here from now on. I am not going to have you messing with the boy's head anymore," Genma declared, turning and bum-rushing Copy-kun into the guest room. The shoji slammed shut, and the lock clicked loudly into place in the sudden silence. Akane, sitting on her bed, her conversation with Copy-chan interrupted by the ejection of Ranma-chan from the guest room, was too shocked to object to her fiancé's presence. Genma had made a much more shocking statement with his declaration than any of them could believe. Fortunately, Nabiki poked her head in and put it into words for them.
"So, your old man traded you in for a newer model, Ranma?"
"That… that… I'm gonna kill him!" Ranma-chan blazed.
"I don't get it," Copy-chan blinked.
"Not much to get. Boy. No curse. Good as Ranma at fighting. Totally clueless. The perfect son," Nabiki listed casually. Ranma-chan twitched in pain at every phrase. Before Ranma could rush across the hall and commit murder, Nabiki added, "Well, Ranma, looks like you're finally going to get out of that engagement with Akane."
Ranma-chan paused in confusion. She looked over at Akane, feeling the bottom dropping out of her stomach, but Akane jerked her head around, refusing to look at her. "A… Akane…"
"I don't want to hear it, Ranma. Keep the celebration to yourself!"
"But, that is… I mean…"
Copy-chan reached around and covered her mouth. Ranma-chan looked at her in shock as Copy-chan shook her head. "Don't say anything. He's a greedy, arrogant, jerk, but it's not going to change anything, right? You still intend to banish us at the end of the week, don't you?" there was a lot of pain in the question. Ranma-chan took a long time to nod in response. They both sighed in misery over it.
Halfway across Nerima, the very personification of misery crashed into the dining area of the Cat Café and collapsed, sobbing, at a table. Mousse perked up, from the back of the kitchen where the sound of her distress pierced through the clamor of the most heinous task of washing dishes. He rushed out spouting platitudes, unable to conceal his obvious joy that Ranma had broken her heart and now, at long last, she would turn to him in her grief.
"My beloved Shampoo! What has Saotome, that thief of women's hearts, done to hurt you!?"
"Eat hot lead and jump in lake, Mousse!" she exploded into his face, venting all her rage, all her frustration, and all the betrayal she felt upon his helpless body. Through the violence, she continued to cry, shaking with unbearable gasps of grief. Cologne, Matriarch and Elder of their tribe, arrived from her room upstairs, unable to believe her great-granddaughter's outburst. Her initial efforts to interrupt went entirely unnoticed, so she settled on a nearby table and waited for the girl to come crashing down. It took a while. When the girl was reduced to dry sobs, she hopped over to her on her staff, and inquired.
"What had happened, dear child, to break your heart so?"
In a broken voice, with broken words, she sobbed out the events of the evening. The tale was confusing, to say the least, but Shampoo swore that she had seen, first, that Ranma did not turn into a girl when immersed in cold water, and then, after a few minutes, he appeared as a girl who, when immersed in hot water, did not change into a boy. She repeated the conversation she had with Copy-chan word for word, breaking into fresh tears as she repeated the assumed confirmation that the curse was broken, and she would never again become a boy.
Cologne sat back, running the reported events through her mind. The only possible scenario she could come up with was that somehow Ranma's curse had been locked again, and he had gotten his hands on some instant nannichaun in the hopes of regaining, if only for a moment, his lost manhood. Was it possible that Herb had returned to punish Ranma after all? If the story Shampoo told, that "Ranma" claimed there was no cure, was true, was it also possible that the Musk had allowed the Kaisuifuu to be destroyed so that Ranma would truly be trapped as a girl? These frightening possibilities were bad enough, but to add that Ranma, by his final remarks, had forsworn his very identity and declared himself a stranger, a ronin… It was unthinkable.
At the same time, it had been over a week since Ranma had shown up at the Cat Café to mooch ramen from Shampoo. Very little could make the boy pass on a free meal, unless he had a very good reason to avoid contact with his meal ticket. Cologne picked herself up and patted her great-granddaughter on the shoulder, "Indeed, this sounds most bleak. If all is as it sounds, then son-in-law is in dire peril. I shall investigate this story at once and see if I can determine if there is any solution to it. Be brave, dear Shampoo. Hope is not lost yet."
"Oh, Great-grandmother! Thank you! Thank you!"
"Now, go to bed, and think on this no more. When I know what can be done, if anything, I will let you know. Even if son-in-law must spend the rest of his life as a woman, there are still many reasons why we must try to bring him, or her as the case may be, into the tribe." As Shampoo limped upstairs, Cologne allowed the rest of her thoughts to surface. In truth, if there was a way to bring Ranma into the tribe as a woman, if the boy had it in him to be a true woman, Cologne would welcome it above all other options. Still, it was too much to hope that there was anything beyond a resemblance. She returned to her room and the book that lay open on her bed.
"Fa Shen," she spoke to the book, "yours was a brilliant, and tragically short life. Is it even possible that you could be reborn a male and a foreigner?" Cologne sighed and continued studying the legends of her ancestors. No one was directly descended from Fa Shen. She had died a virgin. But many surrogates had risen from her grave. After a thousand years, it had become rare for a victim of the nyannichaun to be given her exact form. In the course of her life, it had happened only three times. Two in this most recent generation. The monkey cursed by Herb had not fulfilled the prophesy. The boy… she was still not sure of. "Curse Genma for a fool. To craft a weapon so pure and yet so flawed!"