CYD Part 3
Phoebe walked the streets for what seemed like eternity. Hunger growled in her stomach, and so she decided to get something to eat. Though she remembered having French with Cole only a few moments ago, it seemed everything that was in her from one life did not come over to the second. Though she could not see it, Phoebe knew in her heart she was not pregnant with his child anymore, her abdomen feeling hollow and abandoned without the baby. Her family was gone, her husband lost. She was cold, lonely, dirty, tired, emotions overwhelming her, ones she did not understand their origin. She had just arrived here, but already it seemed as if the weight of the world were suffocating her. Truth be told, she felt worn, almost like an old pair of jeans one wears every day till they are threadbare. Deciding Chinese would suit her for now, Phoebe walked down to a little restaurant, where she ordered her food and sat down at the empty table farthest from the crowd of people near the dumpsters. Quietly she ate her food, and though she was hungry, the food made her nauseous, and so she stopped her eating and began staring into space, thinking about what the Angel had said. This would be her path if Cole were to leave forever. Life? This was no life. Phoebe stared at all the couples around her, the men who brought their girlfriends to this city all dressed up for a night on the town. How she wished Cole were with her.
"Momma! Momma!" a voice cried out, causing Phoebe to whirl around, trying to locate the origin of the voice.
"Ebony? Grace? Ben?" Phoebe called out, wishing with all her heart one of them would run to her at any moment. "Cole?" She shrieked, hoping this was not some sick joke on her. She spotted a little boy, around five, with blonde hair and brown eyes run to a nearby woman, who gladly picked him up and hugged him, his father coming up behind him holding what appeared to be a worn old toy. Tears formed in Phoebe's eyes as she realized it was not him, her family was truly gone and she may never get them back. She got up and walked down the street, finding a vendor of shawls and gladly buying one to keep her warm. As she passed a worn building, falling apart it seemed, she instantly stopped, looked up, and stared at the disintegrating front, drawn to it by some unexplainable force. A woman rushed out of the front and nearly ran Phoebe over, who tried to move out of the way, but could not in time. As she started to apologize, the cold-hearted woman only offered rude words towards her, chilling Phoebe to the bone. That voice was so familiar. She looked at the woman standing before her, an angry glare pasted on her face. Phoebe gasped as she stared into two, large brown eyes she had seen every day of her life.
"What are you looking at? Watch where you are going, you little bitch." The woman hissed at Phoebe, not recognizing her. She moved her hand quickly through her worn brown hair, shortened now, not like in her younger days.
"I am sorry. It is just you look awful familiar. May I ask you a question?" Phoebe meekly asked, scared of it and the answer she was to receive. "No you may not. Leave me alone and go away. I do not want you to bother me again." The angered woman said through clenched teeth.
"I am sorry, I do not mean to frighten you Phoebe, but I need to talk to you." Phoebe tried again, searching for a response from the other woman.
"No, I said leave me alone. I do not need." The old woman paused and looked at Phoebe with curiosity and fear. "What did you call me?"
"Phoebe. I know you. Look this might sound strange, but you are me, I guess in the future." Phoebe reached out to the woman, who pulled back.
"Stay away. I want nothing to do with you, you demon.." She hissed as she stalked off.
"No please. I need your help. I am not lying. I am here on a mission, I guess. The Angel of Destiny sent me to see how my life would turn out if I chose to keep something or not, and the only way for me to get back is to talk to you. Please, I will not hurt you."
"You are here about him, are you not?"
"Then you know?" Phoebe asked, equally perplexed as the older woman. "Please, I do not mean to take up any of your time, but I want to get home to my sisters, to my family, and the only way to do that is for me and you to talk. You know very well how this kind of magic works, I will not be able to return until I get whatever it is I was sent to get, and you can avoid me, but I will just be stuck here forever, and that will change the future. Not only yours. ours, but other peoples as well. So please, talk to me." Phoebe pleaded with the bitter woman. Strangely enough, this reminded her of another encounter she had had with her future self, one that had taken place before she married Cole, before everything had gone to ruins. The lady before her was similar in every way to the old Phoebe who had stubbornly refused to share information with her on that fateful day. Looking down at herself, Phoebe could see the beginnings of such a life developing within herself, shocking her to the core. Though she once believed it would be a great time before such hatred for the world overcame her, now she was beginning to see the life overpowering her as she stood pleading with the woman, not so much a stranger as older Phoebe had once been.
Future Phoebe stared at her younger image with great curiosity long before she answered her. She remembered the passion that once she had, the love of life. Judging from Phoebe's attitude and appearance, she could guess it was now where her younger image was just starting to learn of the pains and hardships of life. "You cannot be mad with me." Phoebe continued. "You know it is not my, our, fault. This is not our doing. I told you this before; if it is one thing we both believe in, it is that magic happens for a reason. The Angel of Destiny let me see both my choices, but I need to know what happened to make you live like this, to make you become a bitter me. Please."
"Do not talk to me about bitter." The older Phoebe smiled cruelly at herself. "I see the same bitterness in you as in me. Ah yes, we were destined to do great things, you and I. But then we let our guard down and chose to love. Come on, come inside. We will talk there. You look chilled already. I remember having a hard time adjusting to the cold reality, but you will get the hang of it very soon, sooner than you think." Phoebe walked into what was to be her home, and soon it seemed, though every aspect of it was strange and foreboding to her. The colors, the vivid designs, the life she loved to have everything in her home breathe was gone, instead lay old, worn, drab colors and makeshift furniture. It was like she stopped caring, like there was nothing of meaning left for her in the future. Her older self pushed a cup of crude coffee in her face and began to drink her own. Phoebe accepted the cup, but could not take her eyes off the broken glass, rusty sink, and other signs of abandonment.
"I know it is not your style, but you will learn soon, things are not always as beautiful as they might seem, people either for that fact." Older Phoebe took a gulp of her coffee and leaned back in her chair, waiting for Phoebe's reaction.
"Okay, I do not have time for mysteries, okay? This life, it is not a life, and I want to know why I did, do, this. why stop caring? Why choose this way?"
"Because they stopped caring about me!" Older Phoebe snapped wickedly at Phoebe, scaring her half to death. Phoebe began to slowly breath and regained her composure, careful not to further piss off herself.
"Who? Cole?" Phoebe cautiously asked.
"Cole." The word seemed foreign to Phoebe's future self. She would never let her know, but she thought of him every day, crying herself to sleep every night. It brought back a world of emotion, of happiness, of the bliss the two once shared, the sweet kisses she received in the morning, the warm feeling of his arms around her, the safeness she felt when her own figure melted into his. But the name also brought back the heart-wrenching feelings of betrayal, abandonment, and depression. Something had changed, everything became unsure, and Phoebe ceased to live the day she allowed her brain to overpower her heart and finally give up on him. She drove him to insanity, slowly, and pretended to stop caring when he went over the edge, fooling herself and acting like she did not need to care anymore, that she was truly over him. In truth, it killed her to see him that way, and even to the day she knew he never stopped caring about her, and she never fell out of love with him.
"No, not him," she silently muttered. "He never stopped caring. He nearly killed me, inside and out, but he never stopped caring, no matter what he said or did. They, on the other hand, did. They committed the worst crime in the world, betrayal. They betrayed me when I needed them the most, selling me in for power and advice. I became nothing more to them. A fake smile and a forced laugh here or there was all it took to keep them happy with me. And after I left, they barely came looking. They just stopped caring."
"Piper? Paige? Leo?" Phoebe asked, astonished. "No, you must have been mistaken, they would never do that. They love me, you. us, don't they?" Phoebe faltered.
"Hmmm, that is what I thought too. After Cole died and I lost the baby, I nearly died myself. To lose my husband and child all in a week was too much for me to bear. But they barely noticed, clinging to the point that both were evil. No one cared I loved them, no one cared I did not care and that without them I could not live. Shortly after Piper became pregnant and Paige quit her job. All it was in the house was bitching from Piper about her morning sickness and bitching from Paige about her failures in witchcraft. I, being the middle sister now, kept my complaints to myself and foolishly let them dissolved me from the inside out until one day I could not take it anymore. I found Cole's old athame and decided that life was too unbearable to go on. I went up to the attack and I slit my wrists, hoping death would come soon. But the three of them found me when they went up for the Book of Shadows, and they saved me. They were in denial I was that far insane. They assumed I was possessed, and knocked it off as that. I had nowhere to turn, or so I thought. I should have known Cole was always there; we could have fixed it there. The next morning I was packed to leave. I had left a note for Piper and Paige that I was going home to New York City. I missed three buses that day, hoping they would come for me. They did not. I even almost went to Cole to say goodbye, but as I entered the building I saw him leave with a bunch of his secretaries, possibly for lunch, laughing and such. The sight broke my heart, though I could not admit it to myself then, and I left. I came here and tried to settle down. It was not an easy life, but it had to be done. I heard Cole had tried to find me several times, but never could find me. I doubt he could have, only Piper and Paige could. They did not come; they did not try. I have lived here ever since. And so you want to know if you should choose my path, or the one with Cole. Well you see my decision, now it is time for you to make yours."
"You mean, you remember this?" Phoebe asked, incredulous.
"Yep, but I did not heed the warning, and this is the path I chose, one without him. Now go, decide. Wait." Older Phoebe stopped her younger self from leaving. "I want to show you some things before you go, some things that are happening now, some things that may help change your mind. I hate to burden you, but you must know." With that she wiped her hand across Phoebe's eyes, leading her into the strongest premonition ever. Images flashed before her eye, quick as lightening, but full of meaning. A cemetery with three graves, Leo holding a teenagers hand before them as she lay down flowers upon them. Phoebe's stomach nearly gave out as she realized these were her nieces and nephews, ones she never knew, ones who never had a chance. The scene blurred into a hospital room, where Piper lay hooked up to numerous machines. Phoebe was able to sense she was alive, but barely, more of a vegetable, and would soon die, abandoning her daughter. Phoebe flashed to a trashy house, where she could see Paige and her abusive husband beating it out of each other. Several small, scared children peered from the doorway. The father spotted them and grabbed one, throwing him against the door. Paige tried to heal him, but could not as her husband grabbed her hair and threw her across the room against broken beer bottles. Phoebe closed her eyes, opening them to the most horrific scene of all. Cole lay, unshaven and naked in his bed at the penthouse, women surrounding him. He was crying, though they chose to ignore his tears. Around them lay empty alcohol bottles, which he obviously had been drinking. He kept rubbing his wedding ring, and Phoebe knew even after all these years he missed her dearly, almost as much as she missed him. It was too much for her to bear. She came back to New York as the Angel of Destiny orbed in behind her. She whirled around with tears in her eyes.
"Take me home." She feebly said as they left that horrid place behind, though the haunting images were still fresh in her mind.
Phoebe walked the streets for what seemed like eternity. Hunger growled in her stomach, and so she decided to get something to eat. Though she remembered having French with Cole only a few moments ago, it seemed everything that was in her from one life did not come over to the second. Though she could not see it, Phoebe knew in her heart she was not pregnant with his child anymore, her abdomen feeling hollow and abandoned without the baby. Her family was gone, her husband lost. She was cold, lonely, dirty, tired, emotions overwhelming her, ones she did not understand their origin. She had just arrived here, but already it seemed as if the weight of the world were suffocating her. Truth be told, she felt worn, almost like an old pair of jeans one wears every day till they are threadbare. Deciding Chinese would suit her for now, Phoebe walked down to a little restaurant, where she ordered her food and sat down at the empty table farthest from the crowd of people near the dumpsters. Quietly she ate her food, and though she was hungry, the food made her nauseous, and so she stopped her eating and began staring into space, thinking about what the Angel had said. This would be her path if Cole were to leave forever. Life? This was no life. Phoebe stared at all the couples around her, the men who brought their girlfriends to this city all dressed up for a night on the town. How she wished Cole were with her.
"Momma! Momma!" a voice cried out, causing Phoebe to whirl around, trying to locate the origin of the voice.
"Ebony? Grace? Ben?" Phoebe called out, wishing with all her heart one of them would run to her at any moment. "Cole?" She shrieked, hoping this was not some sick joke on her. She spotted a little boy, around five, with blonde hair and brown eyes run to a nearby woman, who gladly picked him up and hugged him, his father coming up behind him holding what appeared to be a worn old toy. Tears formed in Phoebe's eyes as she realized it was not him, her family was truly gone and she may never get them back. She got up and walked down the street, finding a vendor of shawls and gladly buying one to keep her warm. As she passed a worn building, falling apart it seemed, she instantly stopped, looked up, and stared at the disintegrating front, drawn to it by some unexplainable force. A woman rushed out of the front and nearly ran Phoebe over, who tried to move out of the way, but could not in time. As she started to apologize, the cold-hearted woman only offered rude words towards her, chilling Phoebe to the bone. That voice was so familiar. She looked at the woman standing before her, an angry glare pasted on her face. Phoebe gasped as she stared into two, large brown eyes she had seen every day of her life.
"What are you looking at? Watch where you are going, you little bitch." The woman hissed at Phoebe, not recognizing her. She moved her hand quickly through her worn brown hair, shortened now, not like in her younger days.
"I am sorry. It is just you look awful familiar. May I ask you a question?" Phoebe meekly asked, scared of it and the answer she was to receive. "No you may not. Leave me alone and go away. I do not want you to bother me again." The angered woman said through clenched teeth.
"I am sorry, I do not mean to frighten you Phoebe, but I need to talk to you." Phoebe tried again, searching for a response from the other woman.
"No, I said leave me alone. I do not need." The old woman paused and looked at Phoebe with curiosity and fear. "What did you call me?"
"Phoebe. I know you. Look this might sound strange, but you are me, I guess in the future." Phoebe reached out to the woman, who pulled back.
"Stay away. I want nothing to do with you, you demon.." She hissed as she stalked off.
"No please. I need your help. I am not lying. I am here on a mission, I guess. The Angel of Destiny sent me to see how my life would turn out if I chose to keep something or not, and the only way for me to get back is to talk to you. Please, I will not hurt you."
"You are here about him, are you not?"
"Then you know?" Phoebe asked, equally perplexed as the older woman. "Please, I do not mean to take up any of your time, but I want to get home to my sisters, to my family, and the only way to do that is for me and you to talk. You know very well how this kind of magic works, I will not be able to return until I get whatever it is I was sent to get, and you can avoid me, but I will just be stuck here forever, and that will change the future. Not only yours. ours, but other peoples as well. So please, talk to me." Phoebe pleaded with the bitter woman. Strangely enough, this reminded her of another encounter she had had with her future self, one that had taken place before she married Cole, before everything had gone to ruins. The lady before her was similar in every way to the old Phoebe who had stubbornly refused to share information with her on that fateful day. Looking down at herself, Phoebe could see the beginnings of such a life developing within herself, shocking her to the core. Though she once believed it would be a great time before such hatred for the world overcame her, now she was beginning to see the life overpowering her as she stood pleading with the woman, not so much a stranger as older Phoebe had once been.
Future Phoebe stared at her younger image with great curiosity long before she answered her. She remembered the passion that once she had, the love of life. Judging from Phoebe's attitude and appearance, she could guess it was now where her younger image was just starting to learn of the pains and hardships of life. "You cannot be mad with me." Phoebe continued. "You know it is not my, our, fault. This is not our doing. I told you this before; if it is one thing we both believe in, it is that magic happens for a reason. The Angel of Destiny let me see both my choices, but I need to know what happened to make you live like this, to make you become a bitter me. Please."
"Do not talk to me about bitter." The older Phoebe smiled cruelly at herself. "I see the same bitterness in you as in me. Ah yes, we were destined to do great things, you and I. But then we let our guard down and chose to love. Come on, come inside. We will talk there. You look chilled already. I remember having a hard time adjusting to the cold reality, but you will get the hang of it very soon, sooner than you think." Phoebe walked into what was to be her home, and soon it seemed, though every aspect of it was strange and foreboding to her. The colors, the vivid designs, the life she loved to have everything in her home breathe was gone, instead lay old, worn, drab colors and makeshift furniture. It was like she stopped caring, like there was nothing of meaning left for her in the future. Her older self pushed a cup of crude coffee in her face and began to drink her own. Phoebe accepted the cup, but could not take her eyes off the broken glass, rusty sink, and other signs of abandonment.
"I know it is not your style, but you will learn soon, things are not always as beautiful as they might seem, people either for that fact." Older Phoebe took a gulp of her coffee and leaned back in her chair, waiting for Phoebe's reaction.
"Okay, I do not have time for mysteries, okay? This life, it is not a life, and I want to know why I did, do, this. why stop caring? Why choose this way?"
"Because they stopped caring about me!" Older Phoebe snapped wickedly at Phoebe, scaring her half to death. Phoebe began to slowly breath and regained her composure, careful not to further piss off herself.
"Who? Cole?" Phoebe cautiously asked.
"Cole." The word seemed foreign to Phoebe's future self. She would never let her know, but she thought of him every day, crying herself to sleep every night. It brought back a world of emotion, of happiness, of the bliss the two once shared, the sweet kisses she received in the morning, the warm feeling of his arms around her, the safeness she felt when her own figure melted into his. But the name also brought back the heart-wrenching feelings of betrayal, abandonment, and depression. Something had changed, everything became unsure, and Phoebe ceased to live the day she allowed her brain to overpower her heart and finally give up on him. She drove him to insanity, slowly, and pretended to stop caring when he went over the edge, fooling herself and acting like she did not need to care anymore, that she was truly over him. In truth, it killed her to see him that way, and even to the day she knew he never stopped caring about her, and she never fell out of love with him.
"No, not him," she silently muttered. "He never stopped caring. He nearly killed me, inside and out, but he never stopped caring, no matter what he said or did. They, on the other hand, did. They committed the worst crime in the world, betrayal. They betrayed me when I needed them the most, selling me in for power and advice. I became nothing more to them. A fake smile and a forced laugh here or there was all it took to keep them happy with me. And after I left, they barely came looking. They just stopped caring."
"Piper? Paige? Leo?" Phoebe asked, astonished. "No, you must have been mistaken, they would never do that. They love me, you. us, don't they?" Phoebe faltered.
"Hmmm, that is what I thought too. After Cole died and I lost the baby, I nearly died myself. To lose my husband and child all in a week was too much for me to bear. But they barely noticed, clinging to the point that both were evil. No one cared I loved them, no one cared I did not care and that without them I could not live. Shortly after Piper became pregnant and Paige quit her job. All it was in the house was bitching from Piper about her morning sickness and bitching from Paige about her failures in witchcraft. I, being the middle sister now, kept my complaints to myself and foolishly let them dissolved me from the inside out until one day I could not take it anymore. I found Cole's old athame and decided that life was too unbearable to go on. I went up to the attack and I slit my wrists, hoping death would come soon. But the three of them found me when they went up for the Book of Shadows, and they saved me. They were in denial I was that far insane. They assumed I was possessed, and knocked it off as that. I had nowhere to turn, or so I thought. I should have known Cole was always there; we could have fixed it there. The next morning I was packed to leave. I had left a note for Piper and Paige that I was going home to New York City. I missed three buses that day, hoping they would come for me. They did not. I even almost went to Cole to say goodbye, but as I entered the building I saw him leave with a bunch of his secretaries, possibly for lunch, laughing and such. The sight broke my heart, though I could not admit it to myself then, and I left. I came here and tried to settle down. It was not an easy life, but it had to be done. I heard Cole had tried to find me several times, but never could find me. I doubt he could have, only Piper and Paige could. They did not come; they did not try. I have lived here ever since. And so you want to know if you should choose my path, or the one with Cole. Well you see my decision, now it is time for you to make yours."
"You mean, you remember this?" Phoebe asked, incredulous.
"Yep, but I did not heed the warning, and this is the path I chose, one without him. Now go, decide. Wait." Older Phoebe stopped her younger self from leaving. "I want to show you some things before you go, some things that are happening now, some things that may help change your mind. I hate to burden you, but you must know." With that she wiped her hand across Phoebe's eyes, leading her into the strongest premonition ever. Images flashed before her eye, quick as lightening, but full of meaning. A cemetery with three graves, Leo holding a teenagers hand before them as she lay down flowers upon them. Phoebe's stomach nearly gave out as she realized these were her nieces and nephews, ones she never knew, ones who never had a chance. The scene blurred into a hospital room, where Piper lay hooked up to numerous machines. Phoebe was able to sense she was alive, but barely, more of a vegetable, and would soon die, abandoning her daughter. Phoebe flashed to a trashy house, where she could see Paige and her abusive husband beating it out of each other. Several small, scared children peered from the doorway. The father spotted them and grabbed one, throwing him against the door. Paige tried to heal him, but could not as her husband grabbed her hair and threw her across the room against broken beer bottles. Phoebe closed her eyes, opening them to the most horrific scene of all. Cole lay, unshaven and naked in his bed at the penthouse, women surrounding him. He was crying, though they chose to ignore his tears. Around them lay empty alcohol bottles, which he obviously had been drinking. He kept rubbing his wedding ring, and Phoebe knew even after all these years he missed her dearly, almost as much as she missed him. It was too much for her to bear. She came back to New York as the Angel of Destiny orbed in behind her. She whirled around with tears in her eyes.
"Take me home." She feebly said as they left that horrid place behind, though the haunting images were still fresh in her mind.