So far from Chapter 2. I was debating in my mind. Should I sacrifice this time for the Lord and get blessed and or sleep right now and kill the spirit? The answer was obvious. ............ I went to my desk and began to meditate on Paul's letter, like 1 and 2nd corinthians, Galations, Ephesians, Philippians, etc. I realized that my relationship with God wasn't exactly intimate. I said a quick prayer before reading on and asked to Lord to give me strength. I heard the Lord speak again. "Give you WHAT?" he asked. "Um.strength?" I replied, unsure of my answer. I was confused. Was I not supposed to ask him that? I didn't understand. I kept inquiring. "God, what are you saying? Speak to me, Lord!" but for a long time I didn't hear anything. I was getting afraid, that I had displeased the Lord. Then as I continued meditating, God showed me something. This is what he said........ "Listen, if I give you the strength, I'm giving it to you. Let's say "strength" is this box. Strength So that's strength, that box, and im giving it to you, over there. (You're over there because you don't have the strength yet) I'm giving that strength box to you. You receive it, and then that's it. You've got the box, and strength is in you. But that's not how you should look at it. Look at this statement. "God, give me strength."

I was still very confused. What are you trying to say, Lord? I kept hearing his voice, "meditate on what you said." So I did. I kept thinking, "God, give me strength, " over and over again. And then I caught it. I realized what was wrong about it. I shouldn't say "God, give me strength,". I should look at it as "God, you ARE my strength. You ARE my hope, you ARE my encouragement." You see, if God gave me strength, he gives it to me, and then that's it. But if I say, "God you ARE my strength," then God gives me strength, and the strength is in me. But since God=strength, he is in me too. So God is not JUST my provider. He lives IN me. He IS my strength, HE lives in me, not the strength. God doesn't give me the will to go on. He IS my will to go on. He IS the reason why I live! He IS the reason I don't give up!

I was thoroughly amazed at what I had learned today. This was almost a "turning point" in my walk with God. It taught me to think different. I think back, what if I disobeyed God and didn't pray that night or meditate? You see, God has a reason for everything, and his will is perfect.

Lord, let your will become my desire!!!!