Disclaimer: I don't own HP characters, or the song (it belongs to Dave Matthews' band)— only the plot.
A/N: Rated R for deep angsty feelings and possible action in future scenes. I advise people not to read this if they don't like drama/angst stories. And another thing-- please do not let this story influence you in the slightest. Even if you're life is a shithole and you're uber depressed, I don't encourage anyone to go to extreme measures and do what the characters do; it's not healthy, it's not fun, and it doesn't make the problem go away. With that in mind, enjoy the story!
** When Gold and Silver Fade to Grey**
"Poor little Ginny. Always the one no one notices", she thought bitterly.
Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing
of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out on to Grey Street
"They don't even see me here!", she thought incredulously, glaring at the backs of the Dream Team as they walked through the portrait hole, leaving her in the common room all alone. Sighing loudly she got up and followed them to the Great Hall at a snails' pace.
" Really sad, Ginny— in your sixth year and you're still trailing after Ron and bloody Harry Potter", Ginny mumbled, looking down at her shoes.
Stopping at the great Hall entrance, Ginny stood and observed the scene before her. Friends, laughing, dining-- and other general merriment. Why was she never able to be apart of that? Her eyes wandered to where Harry, Ron and Hermione sat.
"They didn't save me a seat. As usual", she noted sadly. "No wonder everyone's so happy— it's because I'm out of the picture."
She thinks,
"Hey,
How did I come to this?
I dream myself a thousand times around the world,
But I can't get out of this place"
* * * * * * *
At the other end of the Great Hall a certain pair of grey eyes scanned the ocean of kids eating, laughing, and chatting merrily, loathing every single one of them for being able to be so carefree and happy. His eyes landed upon a lone figure standing forlornly in the entrance, and were about to move on when a particular detail made him stop and stare.
Why it was the youngest Weasel with the look of sadness and tragedy etched into her features. A look that he never showed, yet knew so well.
There's an
emptiness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together - to grey
Refusing to let her unshed tears surface, Ginny turned and left the Great Hall with a heavy heart.
And it breaks her heart
Walking with her eyes downcast, Ginny felt that hole inside her fill with something all of a sudden: anger. Why was it that nobody cared for her? Why was it that nobody noticed? Why was it that she was all alone? Why was it that she felt like this?
How she wishes it was
different
She prays to God most every night
And though she swears it
doesn't listen
There's still a hope in her it might
She couldn't take it anymore. Anger began to smother her and Ginny tore down the hall, tears threatening to spill.
She says, "I pray
But they fall on deaf ears,
Desperately needing fresh air, Ginny ran out of the school and onto the snowy quidditch field.
Am I supposed to take it
on myself?
To get out of this place"
As soon as her flushed face came in contact with the harsh winter wind the overwhelming feeling inside erupted and Ginny let lose a resounding scream sharp with anguish.
* * * * * * *
Draco couldn't stand it. Crabbe and Goyle were fucking morons, and Pansy was constantly simpering in his ear, whispering promises to come later that evening. "Like hell they will", he thought. The image of Pansy Parkinson getting caught in his bed made Draco want to hurl. Prying her pudgy arm from his nicely toned one, Draco stood up and left the Great Hall without a word.
* * * * * * *
Drained of all emotion, Ginny dropped to her knees and kneeled in the snow. Though her robes were thin, Ginny just barely felt cold. Numb…numb was what she felt…numb was good.
There's loneliness inside
her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
* * * * * * *
Once inside his room Draco went straight to his knife, flicking it in and out, the clicking sound soothing him somewhat.
Why did the littlest Weasel look so tortured?— that was his look. "Damn Weaslette has no right to be depressed", he grumbled aloud, looking toward the pile of ashes that had once been his father's letter. With each passing day he was closer and closer to becoming a Death Eater, and Draco had no ambition to be a lap dog for someone with no real power. He rolled up his sleeve, clenched his fist, and flicked the blade over his forearm. Once, twice, three times while glaring at the pile of ashes.
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
All at once he felt the familiar drain and rush. He looked down at his bleeding arm. Disgusted with himself, Draco hurled his knife across the room, grabbed a towel, bandaged his arm and went to the prefect bathroom to go clean it up. No, the little Weasel had no right whatsoever to be depressed.
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
* * * * * * *
Ginny laid down in the snow and stared up unblinkingly at the grey sky, letting the snowflakes grace her face and body.
When all the colors mix together - to grey
With her peripheral vision she could make out people walking out of the school. Not wanting to arouse suspicion, Ginny sighed and got up.
And it breaks her heart
Walking numbly to no place in particular she found herself wandering toward the prefect bathroom. Filling the swimming pool sized bath with very warm water, Ginny took off her robe and shoes and slipped under the hot water. She expected her body to go numb, but with the drastic change in temperature, she literally couldn't feel anything. Panicking, she attempted to thrash in the water, but seeing how she couldn't feel her body, she wasn't sure if she was moving or not. "No! I'm gonna drown! No!", she thought frantically, as she let out a gurgled scream from beneath the surface.
* * * * * * *
Draco had washed the blood from his arm and used a shrinking charm to minimize the cuts. He hated them all: the ones on his hands, the ones on his arms, the ones on his wrists, the ones on his sides… they were a reminder of how weak he was. A Malfoy was not supposed to be weak, a Malfoy was not supposed to crack under pressure. Yet every time he picked up that knife his control slipped, and afterwards Draco would literally and symbolically find so many cracks in himself. It was almost worth it— almost. The pain, the pressure, his fucked up life, they all went away when the blood ran freely from his body. And the pain that came with it, it was addictive, and it took the place of the angry hate inside him. But when it stopped bleeding everything sooner or later came rushing back with the overwhelming sensation of self-disgust. He was ashamed of giving into weakness so easily. He was a coward, he knew it, and he hated living with that fact.
There's a stranger speaks
outside her door
Says take what you can from your dreams
Make them as real as anything
It'd take the work out of the courage
But he was interrupted from his thoughts when he heard a gurgled shriek.
* * * * * * *
Feeling was slowing returning to Ginny, but it was going to be too late. She was suffocating and she didn't want to go.
But she says, "Please
There's a crazy man that's creeping outside my door,
Ginny took a desperate gasp for air but only succeeded in inhaling water. It was too much— there was water everywhere. Still thrashing, Ginny tried to hold onto consciousness and make it towards the surface.
I live on the corner of Grey Street and the end of the world"
"I'm going to die! ", she thought, "I'm sorry everyone…" was her last conscious thought. She had just blacked out when strong arms took a hold her waist.
* * * * * * *
"No, wake up Weasel!", Draco yelled at Ginny, pulling her soaked form out of the water. His uniform clung to his body and dripped onto Ginny as he bent over her and checked her pulse.
There's an emptiness inside her
She wasn't breathing, and her heart was beating just faintly.
And she'd do anything to fill it in
"Fucking hell!", he shouted. He didn't know any healing spells, and it was too late to take her up to Madame Pomfrey. What the hell was he supposed to do?
Muggle studies! Yes, now what was it called? Muggles did it to get a person breathing again-- CRV? It didn't matter; he remembered the maneuver and Draco went immediately to pumping Ginny's chest.
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
Pinching her nose, he tilted her head back and blew air into her mouth.
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
There. Why wasn't she waking up?! He had done the CRP-V move— wasn't she supposed to wake up now?
"Dammit Weasley!", he growled, pushing down on her chest again, "Wake the fuck up! Come on!" Again he pinched her nose shut and filled her lungs with his air.
She feels like kicking out all the windows
He set to pounding her chest again and was about to ramble off all the swear words he had ever learned when Ginny suddenly sputtered water. Coughing, convulsing, and gasping for air Ginny bolted upright.
Draco removed himself from over her and stepped away, glaring fiercely.
And setting fire to this life
When Ginny had settled down she raised her eyes hesitantly, fearing the confused and disgusted face of her rescuer. But when her brown eyes met the cold grey ones of her rescuer, shock crossed her face.
"Mal-"
"Don't you fucking start", he spat venomously, cutting her off. "You weren't trying to drown yourself, were you Weasley?"
Ginny glared at him.
"No."
"Well that's what you almost succeeded in doing! And why? -- because fucking Potter doesn't give a shit about you?!" Ginny lowered her gaze, unable to look him in the eye.
She could change everything about her
"No, Virginia. That's not why you become suicidal. What right have you to be suicidal? You don't know anything about anything." Draco gritted his teeth. Her silence was pissing him off. "You can't begin to imagine what I go through."
Ginny looked up at him briefly with big doe eyes and sat slumped over. "You don't understand…"she whispered quietly.
"No, you don't understand", Draco yelled. Ginny flinched at the harshness of his words, but didn't have the strength to look him in the eyes. She suddenly felt a warm body next to her and turned to find her eyes mirrored in his.
"No matter how bad things get, no matter if people don't notice, you always have yourself."
Ginny stared at him in disbelief. He stared back.
She could change everything about her
using colors bold and bright
He dropped his hard stare. This was pathetic, why was he wasting his time with this brat. Why did he care? "I don't know why I give fuck. It's your life." Standing, he turned to her once more, his eyes flashing. "Do whatever the hell you want with it."
But all the colors mix together - to grey
Ginny sat there in shock and depression. Tears began to well up and slide down her cheeks as she watched him leave. Draco Malfoy had saved her, and he wasn't going to tell anyone. Malfoy: the one person in the whole damn school who probably understood that feeling even better than she. And he was leaving her to deal with it all on her own.
So Ginny, confused and hurt, sat there sopping wet and silently cried.
And it breaks her heart
It breaks her heart
To grey.