Can I Keep Him Hank?
Hank supposed there was a minute possibility that Bobby was right and it had been a genuine accident. Maybe he really had tripped over the edge of the carpet and thereby doused Hank with the bucketful of soapy water. What possible reason could he have had for carrying that bucket in the first place though? Well the last laugh would definitely be Hank's though. He certainly presented a hilarious sight, just standing there with his fur dripping wet and his hair and sideburns plastered back against his skull. Bobby was far too busy laughing his head off and slapping his thighs to notice Hank's glare. Perhaps the growl gave him a moment's warning. If so it was far too late as three hundred and fifty pounds of furry blue muscular mutant slammed into his chest and knocked him flat on his back. Laughter died on Bobby's lips as he gazed up into blue eyes which held little trace of their usual compassionate nature. With Hank kneeling on his chest he was quite effectively pinned and at Hank's mercy.
"Well Robert Drake, whatever am I going to do with you? I'm afraid you're going to learn that when I'm angry I really do live up to the nom de guerre. I'm angry now Bobby, especially since that was one of my favorite T-shirts. Now let's see if I can think up a suitable punishment,"
Hank began scratching his chin as his devious intellect sought a suitably dire punishment.
"Please Hank, I'm sorry. Please, we're best buddies and you really don't want to hurt me do you? The 'bouncing, bodacious, ever-effervescent Beast' wouldn't want to throw his best buddy in the lake now would he? I'm really most unreservedly and genuinely repentant. I swear I'll never pull another prank again if you just show me some mercy."
Bobby gulped nervously as Hank's grin only grew broader.
"Oh no Bobby, the lake would be far too merciful and lenient a punishment. Let's see, maybe I ought to use some of my Eau de Beast on you and give you to Emma Frost. Maybe I ought to volunteer you to be Logan's sparring partner for a week. Maybe I could really be cruel and say confiscate a few of your more treasured possessions, say your video collection for a month. Or maybe I could just get a nice piece of slate and sharpen my claws on it for a few hours," Hank's voice was eerily calm as he extended a clawed finger and lightly stroked it down Bobby's cheek.
"Please Hank; I'm sorry, no more pranks today, maybe none for a week."
"Hmm I could almost believe that was a genuine promise, almost."
Hank leaned forward; face barely inches from Bobby's own. Bobby gulped nervously finding himself entranced with Hank's impressive canines.
"Hank, please believe me, I'm sorry. I promise no more pranks for a week if you just let me go. I'm sorry, man I'm sorry."
Catching the slight edge in Bobby's voice, Hanks menacing grin became a warm affectionate smile. Jumping off Bobby's chest he lifted him up by the collar and dangled him at arm's length for a moment. Hank showed Bobby his fangs in a snarl and then set him down.
"Never let it be said that I'm anything less than compassionate. I'm going to be merciful this time and let you go without punishment. If you really want to show me you're sorry then why don't you go and sit up a tree for a couple of hours. Take the time to reflect on the folly of starting a prank war with someone who's a lot stronger, faster and certainly smarter than you. Next time Bobby I might just have to really get nasty," Hank ruffled Bobby's hair and sent him on his way with a pat on the back.
"Yes sir I'll do just that, anything that the Beast orders," gulped Bobby. As he hurriedly retreated head bowed in shame Hank's laughter rang in his ears.
Hank's room shortly thereafter
"Ah stars and garters, peace at last to finish my novel."
Hank was being cautious just in case Bobby decided to renege on his promise. Fortunately his clawed toes were more than adequate to anchor him to the wall. This way he'd be able to spring into action the instant Bobby walked into the room. His plan was simple but effective. His comfortable squat as he clung to the wall was just perfect for a pounce. His powerful thigh muscles were poised to propel him forwards. His spring could easily take him right to the doorway and surprise Bobby. The momentary shock should be long enough for him to just get a firm but gentle grip on Bobby's collar before escorting him to the lake. Hank was hoping it wouldn't come to that though.
He was just nicely settled again now, after a quick shower and change of clothing. A rather tatty pair of camouflage trousers and a plain black T-shirt had been the first things out of the drawer. That over with he could settle down and finish his book in peace. Hank frowned as he heard a knock at the door. Pausing to place his book down and slip off his reading glasses he tersely gave permission to enter. Tensing he sprang and then realizing it was Jubilee and not Bobby he settled for hanging upside down from the ceiling.
"Jubilee, if it's about the X-Baby, then the answer is still no. You can't keep him and that's final."
"Hey Hank, I didn't come here to talk about Mack, well maybe just a little. I just wanted to have a talk with you. You know Hank I just love watching the way you move. I mean I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching your acrobatics. I mean that jump, pretty limber for an old guy."
"Jubilation Lee I'm only thirty three. Still I suppose that seems ancient to a young woman of sixteen so I won't even bother arguing. Now I doubt you'd call Logan an old guy now would you?"
"Hey take it easy Hank, I'm just teasing. Maybe there's a little gray in your fur but it just makes you look distinguished. Anyway you look fine and fit, fur shining and silky smooth, do you mind if I give you a stroke?"
Without waiting for an answer she reached up, gently rubbing the fur on Hank's forearm. Jubilee was an expert at manipulating Wolverine into doing what she wanted. Hank was far easier than Logan to control; he was almost too softhearted for his own good. She'd get his guard down with a little flattery then play on his compassion about poor little Mack. She could keep him distracted until he agreed with a little judicious stroking of his fur. She knew his weak spots; just behind his ears was one and the silky fur on his cheek. Hank would soon be putty in her hands.
"That's most pleasing Jubilee, a sybaritic delight that appeals to my hedonistic nature. I know you're up to something though Jubilee."
"Whoa Hank, have you been working out. I mean just look at you, you're magnificent. Just look at those muscles," she traced his biceps with a fingertip. Despite his better judgment Hank found himself warming to the flattery and he flexed his muscles a little.
"It is perhaps surprising given the amount of Twinkies I consume that I manage to stay as trim as I do. However pleasing though it may be your feeble attempts at flattery will not weaken my resolve one iota. I will find a way to open a portal to the Mojoverse and Mack and any other loose X-Babies will be sent back home. That is final and nothing will change my mind," Hank gritted his teeth as Jubilee moved to rubbing his sideburns.
"Oh please Hank, I promise I'll be responsible for him and take good care of him. I'm sixteen you know and I'm mature and sensible enough to take that responsibility. Hey there's no to snigger like that Hank, it's not like you to be so skeptical."
"Jubilation Lee, I'm afraid mature, sensible, responsible are not words that come to mind when describing you. I mean no offence by that though. You're a very charming, vivacious and jocular young woman. Like me you remain young at heart, mischievous and hedonistic. I'm just afraid the combination of you and an X-Baby would be tantamount to invoking Armageddon. If Bobby got involved as 'father' that really doesn't bear thinking about."
He dropped down from the ceiling and perched on the bed. Hank's face softened a little and he spoke gently to Jubilee.
"I know you probably think he's small, fuzzy, cuddly and adorable but believe me X-Babies are not nearly as innocent as they look. Perhaps he really adores you but he's also a got a similar personality to the full-size Dark Beast. Add the genius intellect and sociopath tendencies to a child's mind and you have a very dangerous combination."
"Hank, I can wrap Logan around my little finger so Mack will be no problem. Besides he's just so totally cute and he really loves me. He's got the softest gray fur imaginable and he purrs Hank. You've got really silky blue fur and I wonder if you'll purr too,"
As Jubilee very gently scratched him behind the ear Hank's resolve nearly cracked. When she rested her head on his shoulder and hugged him he found a tear at the corner of his eye.
"Maybe you can look after him just for a little while. However I will be making it a top priority to find a way to send him home. If we come across any more I'm afraid you can't keep them. I'm also holding you entirely responsible for Mack's conduct."
"Thanks Hank, believe me I won't let you down. We've always been good friends haven't we; I mean I'm nearly as close to you as I am to Wolvie. You're right too that at heart we're a lot alike. I mean when you poked your head out from the laboratory you were always ready to be my playmate. We had some great times together, thinking up pranks with Bobby, messing about in the pool, midnight feasts, giving Scott nervous breakdowns."
Hank's furry face split in a broad grin. He leaned back and rested his head on his arms.
"Yes Jubilee, we're still good friends now so I hope you'll heed my advice. Just be careful and remember I'll be holding you responsible for any mischief, chaos or property damage caused by that X-Baby. Now if you'll excuse me I'd like to finish my novel."
Jubilee planted a small kiss on his furry cheek. Hank gave her a smile and started reading his book again. He pillowed his head with his arms and leaned back. His agile toes easily held the book and turned the pages. Unfortunately just as Jubilee reached the door she couldn't resist the temptation for a little mischief. Turning she fired off a small paf which knocked Hank's book flying. With a startled grunt Hank lost his balance and slipped of the bed to land heavily on his posterior. By the time he recovered Jubilee was already at the door.
"Jubilation Lee!" growled Hank. She gave him a wave and dashed off.
Hank sighed and picked up his book again. He just hoped this time he'd actually be able to finish it in peace.
An alley in New York
Creed was still flat on his back and still furious over his humiliating defeat. He'd much rather have had a boot on his chest and a bo staff planted at his throat while a Cajun accent said," Bang you dead". He'd even have preferred two adamantium claws on either side of his throat while Logan asked him if he wanted to try for three. Instead Wolvie had just glared down at him and told him to say uncle. One thing Sabretooth never did was surrender and he certainly wasn't going to beg for mercy from a half-size runt. He'd simply sneered and laughed in Wolvie's face when the X-Baby had told him he'd have to get nasty. He'd fully expected those little claws to slice into his flesh but instead something rather different happened. The little runt was jumping up and down on his chest and with an adamantium laced skeleton it was rather painful for Creed. Sabretooth groaned in pain as his ribs creaked and the breath was knocked from his in an agonized grunt.
"Say uncle. Say uncle. Say uncle. Say uncle."
"Oh fer crying out loud, anything ya say bub. Uncle. Now get off my chest."
"Yay! I defeated Sabretooth and I'm the meanest and toughest X-Baby there is. I defeated Sabretooth. Sabretooth is a loser; Creed is just a scaredy cat. Sabretooth is a jerk, Creed is a big galoot. I defeated Sabretooth, I defeated Sabretooth!"
"Yer really starting ta annoy me kid," growled Creed.
"Do ya want ta know what I do ta my enemies when I defeat them?" asked Wolvie with another menacing grin.
"Annoy em ta death?"
"No I tickle them!"
Creed took a second to take this in. He still wasn't quite sure this was really happening, X-Babies was a concept he found just too surreal to be true. He was confused and his usual method of dealing with that was to just rip something to shreds. Feeling a cool draft he abruptly snapped back to reality and found a grinning Wolvie holding up his boots.
"Yer not joking are ya bub? Please I'm begging ya not ta do this. It's just too humiliating, please just slash me with yer claws or something like the runt would."
"No can do Sabrejerk," sneered Wolvie as he started peeling of Creed's socks.
Tears ran from Creed's eyes and he literally howled with laughter as the ticklish torment began. His eyes widened with horror as he realized someone was watching his humiliation. It was none other than the local friendly neighborhood arachnid. Obviously Spider-man had spotted him earlier and had trailed him expecting a fight. Wolvie looked up and grinned.
"Oh boy another fight for the invin- really mean and tough Wolvie."
Leaping with claws extended Wolvie didn't even notice Spider-man move. The little X-Baby snarled in frustration as webbing strands securely bound him. Spider-man waved an admonishing finger at his captive.
"Sorry little guy but that should hold you for a while. I suppose I'd better get you to the Xavier Institute since they ought to know how to deal with you. Now that just leaves what I'm going to do with you Sabretooth."
Creed had just finished slipping his boots back on. He glanced up at Spider-man and then fell to his knees a beseeching expression on his face. He began kissing Peter's boots and thanking him profusely.
"Ya don't need ta worry about me bub. I'm not going ta hurt anyone, just get a quiet drink or twelve ta calm my nerves. Then I'll just go crawl under a rock ta get over my humiliation. I'm going ta be no trouble fer ya at all."
Creed suddenly growled and following his gaze Peter saw the shredded webbing. Both men exchanged glances and nodded grimly.
"Let's just join forces shall we and see if we can capture that cute if annoying little menace?" muttered Peter Parker.
"Yeah I'm going ta give the kid a real spanking," snarled Creed.
Back at the mansion
Jubilee sighed, she'd expected that the first meeting between Mack and Wolverine was going to be 'interesting'. Logan had apparently been talking to Hank and shared the furry blue doctor's concerns. He'd caught up with her and hadn't responded to a cheery 'Hi Wolvie'. That was always a bad sign and he'd proceeded to growl, rage and generally tell her in no uncertain terms exactly what he thought about Mack. Not even the puppy dog eyes seemed to have any effect.
"Yer not keeping him darlin and that's final," snarled Logan.
"Look Hank agreed to it so I don't see what your problem is Wolvie. You're not jealous are you?"
Logan growled deep in his throat.
"Now look, there's no need to get all feral with me Logan. You know all that bristling and snarling and other macho stuff doesn't have any effect on me. Look he's no trouble at all really. Let me show him to you, he's really cute and I'm sure you'll love him," soothed Jubilee.
Turning round she hollered, "Come and say hello to Uncle Wolvie Mack!"
Logan stood and glared as a four foot tall furry gray Beast with gleaming yellow eyes emerged from Jubilee's bedroom. He didn't find it in the least amusing that she'd draped him in one of his old flannel shirt or put a Stetson on his head. A pang of jealousy ran through him as she lifted the Stetson and stroked the furry head. The jealousy turned to snarling rage as Mack hugged Jubilee and gave her a little purr.
"Isn't he cute Logan? He's just like you, small, hairy, cute and he adores me. I'm his Aunty Jubilee and you can be his Uncle Wolvie."
"I'd rather be his taxidermist," growled Logan.
Jubilee gave him a hard glare and Logan threw up his hands in surrender. As she continued to stare him down he reluctantly took a step forward and extended his hand.
"How do ya do bub," he growled.
"Say hello to Uncle Wolvie," said Jubilee in a cajoling tone.
Mack promptly sank his fangs in Logan's wrist.
"Yer in fer it now ya freaking fleabag," snarled Logan extending his claws.
Jubilee blocked his path and formed a small paf.
"Don't you dare Wolvie? You obviously frightened him so why don't you go and sit down. I'll give Mack a little talk about not biting my favorite feral."
A few minutes later
"I'm sorry Uncle Wolvie. You frightened me and I didn't mean to bite you. You're not mad at me are you?"
Logan had to admit the little fur-ball was actually quite cute. He certainly did look apologetic and those yellow eyes were just as beseeching as Jubilee's could be. With a fair attempt at a smile he gave the furry head a pat.
"I suppose I was a little jealous bub. I forgive ya and no I'm not mad at ya."
Mack smiled sweetly and held out a can of beer.
"This is for you Uncle Wolvie to make up for biting you."
"Mighty decent of ya bub,"
Logan took a deep gulp of the refreshing brew. If it tasted a little funny he paid it no heed. Actually it tasted great, extremely refreshing in fact. He didn't notice Mack's smile turn into an evil grin or that the beer actually contained a trace of a very special serum.
Mack dashed out of the room chuckling to himself.
"That will teach the stupid cretin a lesson. How naïve he was not to realize that he's about to have a rather beastly experience. 'Beastly experience', man I kill myself!"
Mack rolled on his back and roared with laughter as Logan's terrified yells alerted the entire mansion. A beastly experience was the perfect description for what had just occurred to the hapless feral.