Sweet Surrender
Part 8/?
By Elisabeth James
liz221@ameritech.net
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon!
Part 8: The Power of Goodbye
Slats of light poured through the cracks in the
blinds of Darien's large bedroom, flooding the room with
soft morning sunlight. Serena let out a soft moan before
turning over and burying her face in her pillow, trying
desperately to escape back into the darkness. She could
feel Darien shifting beside her, slowly waking up. He
always was a morning person.
The scent of the pillow was comforting, the smell
of his shampoo invaded her senses. Despite the fact that
she was still extremely exhausted, her eyes didn't wish to
stay closed, her body was forced into a state of restless
wakefulness.
Only moments ago last night had been a blur of
faces from the party until the memories of what had also
happened last night came back with startling clarity. She
could feel her face flush with self-consciousness,
thankful that it was buried in a pillow and that Darien
seemed to be still semi- asleep.
Everything last night had been breaktakingly
perfect, she couldn't have pictured the experience any
other way. It had been an act of exquisite beauty, slow
and gentle torture with the man she loved more than life
itself.
She felt an arm slowly wrap itself around her
waist, pulling her close to Darien's warm body. She
lifted her face from her temporary haven and saw his face
grinning back at her.
"Morning beautiful." he tugged boyishly on her
hair, causing her giggle. He kissed her languidly, letting
his lips linger on hers for as long as possible. "You're up
awful early for not being a morning person."
She grinned up at him, "Strange room, strange
bed, plus it's way too light in here. And I was thinking."
her face sobered on that last note, Darien took immediate
notice.
"What were you thinking about?" he was almost
positive he already knew and was terrified of her reply.
Things last night had been wonderful but he couldn't help
but feel a little guilty. She was so young, so innocent,
what if she had decided that it had been a mistake to
spend the night with him?
"What happened between us last night. How
extraordinary it was, how we should have do it months
ago." she arched her eyebrow at him, as if she knew
exactly what he was thinking this time. He felt the breath
leave him for a moment before a great feeling of relief
washed over him.
"No, last night was the perfect time. I wouldn't
trade last night for anything." he rumpled her already
messed up hair and sat up. "I really should make an
appearance downstairs, considering the way I
disappeared last night. Do you want to go back to
sleep?" he stood up and pulled on a pair of jeans. Serena
stared at him for a moment, content just to openly watch
him.
"Nope, I'm wide awake now. I might as well get
up and see if Mehg is alive and moving yet. We had
plans to go shopping today." Darien nodded and opened
the door.
Mehg stood in the open doorway, her mouth
agape in feigned shock, "My eyes! My eyes! My virgin
eyes!" Darien rolled his own eyes and pushed her out of
the way.
"Be quiet Mehg. Why don't you try acting like an
adult for once?" she stuck out her tongue at his retreating
back.
"Bite me Darien." she replied smartly before
turning her attention to Serena who was creeping down
underneath Darien's comforter. "You do know that I
already saw you right?"
Serena signed and pulled the blanket off from
over her head, "I was hoping that you hadn't." To her
eternal relief Mehg just continued to smile. Serena felt
herself relaxing again, "Do you still want to go shopping
today?"
"You bet, that's why I came in here to find you.
I'll drive you home so you can shower and change and
then we hit the mall." Mehg dug into her pocket and
unearthed a small shiny object, "I've got my dad's
platinum card."
Two hours later Serena and Mehg pulled up into
the mall parking lot and climbed out of Mehg's
convertible. It was an incredibly humid day and after
spending half the morning at Serena's unair conditioned
apartment both girls were eager to get into the nice cool
building looming before them.
The good mood that had passed between them
earlier that day slowly started to disappear as Serena
considered Mehg's reaction to finding her in Darien's
bed. The comfort that had greeted her at first had faded
to a dull ache of uncertainty. Her friend had been so non-
nonchalant about the situation that it made Serena feel as if
Mehg had been placed in that same predicament before.
After Mehg had purchased a new skirt at Gap,
they headed toward the food court to refuel before hitting
any other stores. With chocolate milkshakes in hand, the
two found an empty table and sat down.
"Is everything okay?" Mehg wasn't oblivious to
Serena's plummeting mood, she had watched her friend
grow more and more withdrawn with every store they had
entered.
"Yeah, I guess." Serena spoke after hesitating for
a few moments, "I just have something on my mind." she
was looking for a delicate way to approach the subject
without insulting Darien or making Mehg become
uncomfortable.
"Wanna talk about it?" Mehg volunteered
helpfully, hoping that Serena would speak up about what
was bothering her.
Serena played with her drinking straw before
finding the courage to meet Mehg's questioning eyes,
"This morning..."
Automatically interpreting Serena's discomfort
with what she had seen this morning, Mehg attempted to
try and make Serena feel better about the whole incident,
"Serena don't worry about, I have plenty of experience
dealing with my brother's girlfriends the morning after."
The chocolate shake slipped from Serena's
sweaty hands and fell to the table. The sticky liquid
seemed to explode from the container and started running
down the table. Serena looked at her friend's stricken
face, "Plenty of experience?"
Mehg knew that she had made a miscalculation,
"I didn't mean it like that Serena..." she trailed off and
Serena that knew Mehg had indeed meant it exactly like
that. Her best friend had just confirmed all of her fears in
a matter of seconds.
Serena picked up a stack of napkins and tried to
blot up the mess she had made, unable to meet Mehg's
eyes. Finally after minutes of tense silence, Serena broke
down into tears. "I'm a complete idiot Mehg. I knew... I
knew that I wasn't his first, but I never could have
imagined... How many? How many have you seen
leaving his room the next morning?" she knew she was
just torturing herself by asking but she had to know. How
many times had he whispered the words he had said to
her last night in another girl's ear? Set their bodies on
fire like he had hers?
"Serena, please don't ask me that." Mehg
gathered up her friend and her bags and led her to another
bench so that they could speak more privately. "Just let it
go, he's with you now. He loves you."
The words seemed hollow in Serena's ears. Yes,
he was with her now but for how much longer. He was
leaving later this week for his last year of college. They
would be apart for weeks at a time. What if he met
someone else? What if he wanted someone more...
experienced, more beautiful? Someone who could stand
beside him as an equal, hold her own at a gala like the
one last night. Someone who reeked of self- confidence
and didn't hesitate when she wanted something... or
someone. She could never be those things for him.
"He's with me now Mehg, but he's leaving for
school. What if he finds someone else?"
Mehg shook her head firmly, "Not possible.
Darien isn't that type of guy." her face grew troubled,
"You're worried about him breaking up with you for
another girl?"
"I don't know what I'm worried about. I'm so
unsure about everything right now." she buried her face
in her hands, hot tears still pouring down her cheeks.
"Do you regret sleeping with him?" Mehg asked
her softly. Serena's head shot up at the question.
"No. Yes. I don't know. Before last night if this
whole relationship didn't work out I could just walk
away. It would hurt like hell to leave him but I could if it
came right down to it." as she spoke the words, she found
herself second guessing herself. Could she have walked
away from him, ended things with the one man that made
her feel as if her soul was on fire? That filled her life
with passion? "Now he has a part of me, I'll never be
able to look back on my first time without thinking of
him. It's irreversible." her voice trembled, "It was a
stupid thing for me to do."
"It wasn't stupid Serena, maybe right now it looks
like it but you love him. No matter what happens after he
leaves, right now, as we sit here he's missing you,
thinking about you. Never regret an act born out of
mutual love and respect like what took place last night."
Mehg placed a hand on her friend's shoulder, "Are you
going to talk to him about this?" She added softly.
"Should I? I wouldn't know how to go about it.
Darien makes me feel full and empty at the same time. I
never knew anything about desire and love before I met
him, the feelings that bombard me when I'm near him
make me feel as if I'm about to explode on contact. But
at the same time, I'm filled with insecurity. I could fight
it at first but I'm losing to it now." she drew in a deep
breath, finally getting at what was truly bothering her.
"You saw my breakdown last night at the party. He may
love me Mehg with every fiber in his being but I always
wonder if I'll be enough."
Mehg gaped at her friend, "Serena, the man burns
for you! What else could you ask for? Darien treats you
like a princess, he could easily give you the world."
Serena shook her head miserably, "I know that he
would, I don't doubt his love. I just can't help feeling
that I'm just not good enough, like I don't fit into your
way of life. Darien is going to be incredibly successful
later in life, he was born to do something important. He's
going to need someone who doesn't need their hand held
at a dinner party." she wrung her hands in her lap and
stared helplessly at the ground, "Sooner or later he's
going to want someone who's confident, able to take
control of a situation. Someone completely unlike me."
Mehg couldn't disagree more but felt it wasn't her
place to speak up in her brother's defense, "Do you want
to end things?" the question hit Serena like a sucker
punch to the stomach. The tears welled up in her eyes at
the thought of losing him. He had become almost her
entire world in the last few months of her life. But she
couldn't handle the relationship anymore. She couldn't
stand anymore sleepless nights, thinking about how to be
a better match for him, how to change herself into what
he needed. Especially when what he needed wasn't
anything she could be.
"Should I?" Serena whispered the words, talking
more to herself than Mehg, "I can't. I can't end it with
him, especially not after last night. What am I going to
do Mehg?"
Mehg pulled her friend in close for a hug, "I don't
know Serena, I honestly don't know."
The week seemed to disappear before Serena's
eyes and it felt like the day Darien was scheduled to leave
had crept up on her like a lion stalking it's prey. She had
tried to keep a degree of normality about their
relationship, but it was quite obvious to Darien that
something was bothering her. She had pulled away from
him both emotionally and physically. She jerked away
from kisses that she normally would have let linger as
long as possible, shrugged away when he placed an arm
around her shoulder. She was withdrawn, barely
speaking when they were together. But it was the look in
her eyes that truly affected him the most. The light had
seemed to die, consumed by some unknown darkness.
And he wasn't sure if he was the one who had killed it.
Darien had begged Mehg several times to tell him
if she knew something, but his little sister had refused to
speak for Serena, giving him the same knowing look
each time. Between packing and trying to get Serena to
open to him again he was slowly going insane.
Mehg was worried about her friend as well, she
was unsure of what Serena had decided to do about the
situation. She watched as her brother became desperate
to reach out to her again, but there was no kiss that could
bring Serena back to the happy state she had once been
in.
It wasn't until the night before Darien was to leave
that he had finally had enough of the silence and asked
Serena to take a walk with him. They made their way
through the darkness toward the main street of town.
Children raced around them, the last of 4th of July
sparklers glittering in their dirty hands. The park was
swarming with people mourning the loss of summer and
beginning of school.
Serena watched them through sad eyes, taking in
the events around her with as much distance as possible.
She knew that Darien was concerned about the way she
had been acted the last few days and that he wanted to
talk with her about it before he left the next morning.
Her heart had torn itself in two, an internal war was
brewing between her mind and soul as she walked by his
side, her hand in his.
He lead her to a vacant bench and sat her down,
her eyes never met his own. With a long sigh, he placed
his hand under her chin and guided her eyes to met his
own. "Talk to me Serena, what's been going on with you
this week. Ever since you came home from shopping
Sunday afternoon something has been bothering you."
She jerked her gaze from his but he held firm and made
her look at him again, "Mehg won't tell me what
happened, I can't get a straight answer from you. What
did I do to make you act this way toward me Serena?" she
could hear the pure anguish in his voice but said nothing.
"Is this about what happened Saturday night?"
She tried to shake her head no but it refused to
move, the silence and the pink stain spreading across her
cheeks damning her. He dropped her hand and snapped
his gaze from hers, anger humming through his veins. Oh
how he hated himself at that moment. Unable to deal
with him trembling beside her and thinking his anger was
directed at her, Serena finally spoke. "Darien, please-"
He cut her off with a look, "Do you regret
spending the night with me Serena? Is that what this is
about?" she had never seen him like this, so full of anger
that his eyes seemed to gleam with an odd light.
"No!" the word exploded from her mouth before
she could stop it.
"Then explain it to me dearest." the mocking tone
and Cheshire cat smile caused Serena's air of cool
nonchalance to disappear completely.
"Look around you Darien! Look at the world you
live in! Try to see as an outsider might see it! I see the
beautiful girls who stare at you when you walk by, I see
the looks your father still gives me when he thinks I'm not
looking, I see the mansion you live in, the one you treat
like a quaint little cottage. You want to know how I feel
Darien, completely and totally inadequate to you and
your world. I look at myself in the mirror everyday and I
wonder how you can love me when there's so many other
women in the world who are better suited for you and
your lifestyle. I wonder how long it will be until you find
someone else. And believe me when I say that I wonder
how many other girls you've whispered sweet nothings to,
and made love to, making them feel as if they were on
fire, like you did to me." tears had begun to stream down
her face.
All traces of anger faded from Darien's body at
the sight of his girlfriend weeping before him and he
pulled her into his arms. She clung to him as if she was
dying and he was her last chance at life. He rocked her
until she was cried out and her body had stopped shaking.
"Serena, you're perfect for me. There's nothing
inadequate about you, I couldn't imagine you any other
way." he sighed softly into her hair, "I will admit that
before you I was a much different person. I did things
that I regret now and because of them I too feel like I'm
unworthy of you at times. I wonder how you, someone
with passion streaming through their veins twenty-four
hours a day, could possibly love someone like me,
someone who can barely feel. I wonder what you could
see in me because I certainly can't figure it out. I wonder
how you can trust me like you do and surrender to that
trust and give me the gift of your beautiful body and your
love."
It took all the strength she could muster to pull
away from his strong embrace and look him in the eyes.
"Darien I love you with all of my heart. But after
searching through every fiber of my heart and soul this
past week I wonder how we, as a couple, could possibly
survive when you leave." he started to interrupt and she
placed a finger to his lips, hushing him immediately,
"Maybe it's the mature part of me coming out for the first
time or maybe it's just the stupid part of me but I'm 17
years old. I'm clumsy, I'm immature, I'm insecure. And
the feelings you've dredged up with your kisses and your
touch are like a tidal wave, threatening to pull me under
every time. And every time I'm left gasping in the wake,
left with thoughts and feelings I don't know how to
handle. You could swear up and down to me that you
would never leave me and I would believe you with
everything in my power. But part of me is terrified and
you can't just make that go away. Time will make it go
away, age will make it go away." She took a deep breath,
wanting to get the words out and over with. "When you
leave tomorrow, I don't want you to be tied down to a girl
who can't make up her mind. I think that we should end
this thing. End it and take the experiences that it has
given us and take our separate paths."
Darien felt the world suddenly tilt dizzily around
him as Serena freed her hands from his, "I don't
understand Serena. We have something between us that
almost nobody has, why give it up? I don't want to let
you go." he touched the side of her face softly, her eyes
closed and a final tear slid down her pale cheek. She
kissed his fingers one by one and brought his hand to her
breast.
"Feel my heart Darien beating beneath your hand?
It beats for you, it will always beat for you but I need
time to make it beat for me too. I'm no good to you right
now, I want to grow into a woman that's worthy of the
Harrison name and I need to do that outside of your
mighty shadow. I want to be someone you can be proud
of, like I'm proud of you right now. Years down the road
if and when we meet again who knows what might
happen, what sparks might fly." she stood up slowly,
fighting the urge to crawl into his arms again. "Good-bye
Love and good luck." With that she turned and walked
away, her soul crying with every step for her to stop and
turn back. But she couldn't do it or nothing would ever
change.
He watched her retreating back as she put more and
more distance between them. He wanted to run after her
and sweep her up into his arms and keep her there for
eternity but deep down he knew she was right. Neither
of them could handle the depth of the feelings between
them. Even so he couldn't guard against the bitterness
that seemed to invade his system at the sight of her
leaving him. He could have given her everything that she
had ever wanted and yet, she still refused his pleas to
stay with him. Sighing, he stood up and started back
toward home, unable to do anything to change the
situation he had just been thrown into. He had an early
start tomorrow and he knew that Serena's beautiful face
would surely haunt him tonight.
The End!
....
....
....
LOL! I would never end a fic like that!
Chapter nine is already finished, so look for it next week.
Can't have it coming out too quickly, it would ruin the
suspense :)
Brought to you by your resident EMSiT!
Liz-chan
Part 8/?
By Elisabeth James
liz221@ameritech.net
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon!
Part 8: The Power of Goodbye
Slats of light poured through the cracks in the
blinds of Darien's large bedroom, flooding the room with
soft morning sunlight. Serena let out a soft moan before
turning over and burying her face in her pillow, trying
desperately to escape back into the darkness. She could
feel Darien shifting beside her, slowly waking up. He
always was a morning person.
The scent of the pillow was comforting, the smell
of his shampoo invaded her senses. Despite the fact that
she was still extremely exhausted, her eyes didn't wish to
stay closed, her body was forced into a state of restless
wakefulness.
Only moments ago last night had been a blur of
faces from the party until the memories of what had also
happened last night came back with startling clarity. She
could feel her face flush with self-consciousness,
thankful that it was buried in a pillow and that Darien
seemed to be still semi- asleep.
Everything last night had been breaktakingly
perfect, she couldn't have pictured the experience any
other way. It had been an act of exquisite beauty, slow
and gentle torture with the man she loved more than life
itself.
She felt an arm slowly wrap itself around her
waist, pulling her close to Darien's warm body. She
lifted her face from her temporary haven and saw his face
grinning back at her.
"Morning beautiful." he tugged boyishly on her
hair, causing her giggle. He kissed her languidly, letting
his lips linger on hers for as long as possible. "You're up
awful early for not being a morning person."
She grinned up at him, "Strange room, strange
bed, plus it's way too light in here. And I was thinking."
her face sobered on that last note, Darien took immediate
notice.
"What were you thinking about?" he was almost
positive he already knew and was terrified of her reply.
Things last night had been wonderful but he couldn't help
but feel a little guilty. She was so young, so innocent,
what if she had decided that it had been a mistake to
spend the night with him?
"What happened between us last night. How
extraordinary it was, how we should have do it months
ago." she arched her eyebrow at him, as if she knew
exactly what he was thinking this time. He felt the breath
leave him for a moment before a great feeling of relief
washed over him.
"No, last night was the perfect time. I wouldn't
trade last night for anything." he rumpled her already
messed up hair and sat up. "I really should make an
appearance downstairs, considering the way I
disappeared last night. Do you want to go back to
sleep?" he stood up and pulled on a pair of jeans. Serena
stared at him for a moment, content just to openly watch
him.
"Nope, I'm wide awake now. I might as well get
up and see if Mehg is alive and moving yet. We had
plans to go shopping today." Darien nodded and opened
the door.
Mehg stood in the open doorway, her mouth
agape in feigned shock, "My eyes! My eyes! My virgin
eyes!" Darien rolled his own eyes and pushed her out of
the way.
"Be quiet Mehg. Why don't you try acting like an
adult for once?" she stuck out her tongue at his retreating
back.
"Bite me Darien." she replied smartly before
turning her attention to Serena who was creeping down
underneath Darien's comforter. "You do know that I
already saw you right?"
Serena signed and pulled the blanket off from
over her head, "I was hoping that you hadn't." To her
eternal relief Mehg just continued to smile. Serena felt
herself relaxing again, "Do you still want to go shopping
today?"
"You bet, that's why I came in here to find you.
I'll drive you home so you can shower and change and
then we hit the mall." Mehg dug into her pocket and
unearthed a small shiny object, "I've got my dad's
platinum card."
Two hours later Serena and Mehg pulled up into
the mall parking lot and climbed out of Mehg's
convertible. It was an incredibly humid day and after
spending half the morning at Serena's unair conditioned
apartment both girls were eager to get into the nice cool
building looming before them.
The good mood that had passed between them
earlier that day slowly started to disappear as Serena
considered Mehg's reaction to finding her in Darien's
bed. The comfort that had greeted her at first had faded
to a dull ache of uncertainty. Her friend had been so non-
nonchalant about the situation that it made Serena feel as if
Mehg had been placed in that same predicament before.
After Mehg had purchased a new skirt at Gap,
they headed toward the food court to refuel before hitting
any other stores. With chocolate milkshakes in hand, the
two found an empty table and sat down.
"Is everything okay?" Mehg wasn't oblivious to
Serena's plummeting mood, she had watched her friend
grow more and more withdrawn with every store they had
entered.
"Yeah, I guess." Serena spoke after hesitating for
a few moments, "I just have something on my mind." she
was looking for a delicate way to approach the subject
without insulting Darien or making Mehg become
uncomfortable.
"Wanna talk about it?" Mehg volunteered
helpfully, hoping that Serena would speak up about what
was bothering her.
Serena played with her drinking straw before
finding the courage to meet Mehg's questioning eyes,
"This morning..."
Automatically interpreting Serena's discomfort
with what she had seen this morning, Mehg attempted to
try and make Serena feel better about the whole incident,
"Serena don't worry about, I have plenty of experience
dealing with my brother's girlfriends the morning after."
The chocolate shake slipped from Serena's
sweaty hands and fell to the table. The sticky liquid
seemed to explode from the container and started running
down the table. Serena looked at her friend's stricken
face, "Plenty of experience?"
Mehg knew that she had made a miscalculation,
"I didn't mean it like that Serena..." she trailed off and
Serena that knew Mehg had indeed meant it exactly like
that. Her best friend had just confirmed all of her fears in
a matter of seconds.
Serena picked up a stack of napkins and tried to
blot up the mess she had made, unable to meet Mehg's
eyes. Finally after minutes of tense silence, Serena broke
down into tears. "I'm a complete idiot Mehg. I knew... I
knew that I wasn't his first, but I never could have
imagined... How many? How many have you seen
leaving his room the next morning?" she knew she was
just torturing herself by asking but she had to know. How
many times had he whispered the words he had said to
her last night in another girl's ear? Set their bodies on
fire like he had hers?
"Serena, please don't ask me that." Mehg
gathered up her friend and her bags and led her to another
bench so that they could speak more privately. "Just let it
go, he's with you now. He loves you."
The words seemed hollow in Serena's ears. Yes,
he was with her now but for how much longer. He was
leaving later this week for his last year of college. They
would be apart for weeks at a time. What if he met
someone else? What if he wanted someone more...
experienced, more beautiful? Someone who could stand
beside him as an equal, hold her own at a gala like the
one last night. Someone who reeked of self- confidence
and didn't hesitate when she wanted something... or
someone. She could never be those things for him.
"He's with me now Mehg, but he's leaving for
school. What if he finds someone else?"
Mehg shook her head firmly, "Not possible.
Darien isn't that type of guy." her face grew troubled,
"You're worried about him breaking up with you for
another girl?"
"I don't know what I'm worried about. I'm so
unsure about everything right now." she buried her face
in her hands, hot tears still pouring down her cheeks.
"Do you regret sleeping with him?" Mehg asked
her softly. Serena's head shot up at the question.
"No. Yes. I don't know. Before last night if this
whole relationship didn't work out I could just walk
away. It would hurt like hell to leave him but I could if it
came right down to it." as she spoke the words, she found
herself second guessing herself. Could she have walked
away from him, ended things with the one man that made
her feel as if her soul was on fire? That filled her life
with passion? "Now he has a part of me, I'll never be
able to look back on my first time without thinking of
him. It's irreversible." her voice trembled, "It was a
stupid thing for me to do."
"It wasn't stupid Serena, maybe right now it looks
like it but you love him. No matter what happens after he
leaves, right now, as we sit here he's missing you,
thinking about you. Never regret an act born out of
mutual love and respect like what took place last night."
Mehg placed a hand on her friend's shoulder, "Are you
going to talk to him about this?" She added softly.
"Should I? I wouldn't know how to go about it.
Darien makes me feel full and empty at the same time. I
never knew anything about desire and love before I met
him, the feelings that bombard me when I'm near him
make me feel as if I'm about to explode on contact. But
at the same time, I'm filled with insecurity. I could fight
it at first but I'm losing to it now." she drew in a deep
breath, finally getting at what was truly bothering her.
"You saw my breakdown last night at the party. He may
love me Mehg with every fiber in his being but I always
wonder if I'll be enough."
Mehg gaped at her friend, "Serena, the man burns
for you! What else could you ask for? Darien treats you
like a princess, he could easily give you the world."
Serena shook her head miserably, "I know that he
would, I don't doubt his love. I just can't help feeling
that I'm just not good enough, like I don't fit into your
way of life. Darien is going to be incredibly successful
later in life, he was born to do something important. He's
going to need someone who doesn't need their hand held
at a dinner party." she wrung her hands in her lap and
stared helplessly at the ground, "Sooner or later he's
going to want someone who's confident, able to take
control of a situation. Someone completely unlike me."
Mehg couldn't disagree more but felt it wasn't her
place to speak up in her brother's defense, "Do you want
to end things?" the question hit Serena like a sucker
punch to the stomach. The tears welled up in her eyes at
the thought of losing him. He had become almost her
entire world in the last few months of her life. But she
couldn't handle the relationship anymore. She couldn't
stand anymore sleepless nights, thinking about how to be
a better match for him, how to change herself into what
he needed. Especially when what he needed wasn't
anything she could be.
"Should I?" Serena whispered the words, talking
more to herself than Mehg, "I can't. I can't end it with
him, especially not after last night. What am I going to
do Mehg?"
Mehg pulled her friend in close for a hug, "I don't
know Serena, I honestly don't know."
The week seemed to disappear before Serena's
eyes and it felt like the day Darien was scheduled to leave
had crept up on her like a lion stalking it's prey. She had
tried to keep a degree of normality about their
relationship, but it was quite obvious to Darien that
something was bothering her. She had pulled away from
him both emotionally and physically. She jerked away
from kisses that she normally would have let linger as
long as possible, shrugged away when he placed an arm
around her shoulder. She was withdrawn, barely
speaking when they were together. But it was the look in
her eyes that truly affected him the most. The light had
seemed to die, consumed by some unknown darkness.
And he wasn't sure if he was the one who had killed it.
Darien had begged Mehg several times to tell him
if she knew something, but his little sister had refused to
speak for Serena, giving him the same knowing look
each time. Between packing and trying to get Serena to
open to him again he was slowly going insane.
Mehg was worried about her friend as well, she
was unsure of what Serena had decided to do about the
situation. She watched as her brother became desperate
to reach out to her again, but there was no kiss that could
bring Serena back to the happy state she had once been
in.
It wasn't until the night before Darien was to leave
that he had finally had enough of the silence and asked
Serena to take a walk with him. They made their way
through the darkness toward the main street of town.
Children raced around them, the last of 4th of July
sparklers glittering in their dirty hands. The park was
swarming with people mourning the loss of summer and
beginning of school.
Serena watched them through sad eyes, taking in
the events around her with as much distance as possible.
She knew that Darien was concerned about the way she
had been acted the last few days and that he wanted to
talk with her about it before he left the next morning.
Her heart had torn itself in two, an internal war was
brewing between her mind and soul as she walked by his
side, her hand in his.
He lead her to a vacant bench and sat her down,
her eyes never met his own. With a long sigh, he placed
his hand under her chin and guided her eyes to met his
own. "Talk to me Serena, what's been going on with you
this week. Ever since you came home from shopping
Sunday afternoon something has been bothering you."
She jerked her gaze from his but he held firm and made
her look at him again, "Mehg won't tell me what
happened, I can't get a straight answer from you. What
did I do to make you act this way toward me Serena?" she
could hear the pure anguish in his voice but said nothing.
"Is this about what happened Saturday night?"
She tried to shake her head no but it refused to
move, the silence and the pink stain spreading across her
cheeks damning her. He dropped her hand and snapped
his gaze from hers, anger humming through his veins. Oh
how he hated himself at that moment. Unable to deal
with him trembling beside her and thinking his anger was
directed at her, Serena finally spoke. "Darien, please-"
He cut her off with a look, "Do you regret
spending the night with me Serena? Is that what this is
about?" she had never seen him like this, so full of anger
that his eyes seemed to gleam with an odd light.
"No!" the word exploded from her mouth before
she could stop it.
"Then explain it to me dearest." the mocking tone
and Cheshire cat smile caused Serena's air of cool
nonchalance to disappear completely.
"Look around you Darien! Look at the world you
live in! Try to see as an outsider might see it! I see the
beautiful girls who stare at you when you walk by, I see
the looks your father still gives me when he thinks I'm not
looking, I see the mansion you live in, the one you treat
like a quaint little cottage. You want to know how I feel
Darien, completely and totally inadequate to you and
your world. I look at myself in the mirror everyday and I
wonder how you can love me when there's so many other
women in the world who are better suited for you and
your lifestyle. I wonder how long it will be until you find
someone else. And believe me when I say that I wonder
how many other girls you've whispered sweet nothings to,
and made love to, making them feel as if they were on
fire, like you did to me." tears had begun to stream down
her face.
All traces of anger faded from Darien's body at
the sight of his girlfriend weeping before him and he
pulled her into his arms. She clung to him as if she was
dying and he was her last chance at life. He rocked her
until she was cried out and her body had stopped shaking.
"Serena, you're perfect for me. There's nothing
inadequate about you, I couldn't imagine you any other
way." he sighed softly into her hair, "I will admit that
before you I was a much different person. I did things
that I regret now and because of them I too feel like I'm
unworthy of you at times. I wonder how you, someone
with passion streaming through their veins twenty-four
hours a day, could possibly love someone like me,
someone who can barely feel. I wonder what you could
see in me because I certainly can't figure it out. I wonder
how you can trust me like you do and surrender to that
trust and give me the gift of your beautiful body and your
love."
It took all the strength she could muster to pull
away from his strong embrace and look him in the eyes.
"Darien I love you with all of my heart. But after
searching through every fiber of my heart and soul this
past week I wonder how we, as a couple, could possibly
survive when you leave." he started to interrupt and she
placed a finger to his lips, hushing him immediately,
"Maybe it's the mature part of me coming out for the first
time or maybe it's just the stupid part of me but I'm 17
years old. I'm clumsy, I'm immature, I'm insecure. And
the feelings you've dredged up with your kisses and your
touch are like a tidal wave, threatening to pull me under
every time. And every time I'm left gasping in the wake,
left with thoughts and feelings I don't know how to
handle. You could swear up and down to me that you
would never leave me and I would believe you with
everything in my power. But part of me is terrified and
you can't just make that go away. Time will make it go
away, age will make it go away." She took a deep breath,
wanting to get the words out and over with. "When you
leave tomorrow, I don't want you to be tied down to a girl
who can't make up her mind. I think that we should end
this thing. End it and take the experiences that it has
given us and take our separate paths."
Darien felt the world suddenly tilt dizzily around
him as Serena freed her hands from his, "I don't
understand Serena. We have something between us that
almost nobody has, why give it up? I don't want to let
you go." he touched the side of her face softly, her eyes
closed and a final tear slid down her pale cheek. She
kissed his fingers one by one and brought his hand to her
breast.
"Feel my heart Darien beating beneath your hand?
It beats for you, it will always beat for you but I need
time to make it beat for me too. I'm no good to you right
now, I want to grow into a woman that's worthy of the
Harrison name and I need to do that outside of your
mighty shadow. I want to be someone you can be proud
of, like I'm proud of you right now. Years down the road
if and when we meet again who knows what might
happen, what sparks might fly." she stood up slowly,
fighting the urge to crawl into his arms again. "Good-bye
Love and good luck." With that she turned and walked
away, her soul crying with every step for her to stop and
turn back. But she couldn't do it or nothing would ever
change.
He watched her retreating back as she put more and
more distance between them. He wanted to run after her
and sweep her up into his arms and keep her there for
eternity but deep down he knew she was right. Neither
of them could handle the depth of the feelings between
them. Even so he couldn't guard against the bitterness
that seemed to invade his system at the sight of her
leaving him. He could have given her everything that she
had ever wanted and yet, she still refused his pleas to
stay with him. Sighing, he stood up and started back
toward home, unable to do anything to change the
situation he had just been thrown into. He had an early
start tomorrow and he knew that Serena's beautiful face
would surely haunt him tonight.
The End!
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LOL! I would never end a fic like that!
Chapter nine is already finished, so look for it next week.
Can't have it coming out too quickly, it would ruin the
suspense :)
Brought to you by your resident EMSiT!
Liz-chan