Okay, this is the last chapter that had to be fixed. It was posted before
as some of you know. I changed and added a couple of stuff (I thought there
was something missing) and I hope you like it. This chapter has three
songs, I know, I know it's a lot but I do believe that songs can truly
translate what people feel. I hope you like this one too.
Just one more thing., I wanna thank all those who reviewed this fic. I really appreciate that, people. Your comments mean the world to me. Thanks. And I give you my word that within eight or ten days I will have chapter six posted here.
* * * * *
Grace waited three long hours. She desperately tried to force herself to stop thinking of Eli and get some sleep but her hard trying was all in vain, all she could do was wonder... wonder what he meant with that song... she kept wondering why; *Why do I fell this way? Why was I mad at him? Why is it happening? Why? Why? Why is he who he is? Why am I who I am? Why? Why do I have to feel this way? Why can't I figure what really is going on? Why all these feelings mean?*, Grace wondered over and over, knowing deep down inside that an only one word would answer her thousands questions... the only word she was dreadfully afraid of saying. How it tortured her. and how it tortured him.
Grace got up and walked to the closed door. She silently tried to capture any noise coming from outside but she heard nothing. Her heart wanted Eli to be still outside the door waiting for her. She grabbed the knob , closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She silently mouthed a prayer that he would be there then she slowly opened the door... as she opened her eyes, she caught the vision of Eli sat on the floor, his arms embracing his legs, his face buried in between his arms. ., she mutely watched him.
Eli's heart froze for a second when he heard the door opening. He sluggishly lifted his face and their gazes met. He stared her. Her eyes were still red as blood because of her crying. Eli lowered his face again in shame and Grace, in silence, took a seat on the floor by his side. They remained, sat in that loud silence for a quite long time, never facing each other... until Eli weakly mumbled a few words.
"I'm sorry, Grace. I'm really... sorry."
"It wasn't your fault.", she lowly said back, lifting her eyes to look at him. "I started this whol-"
"No. No.", he spoke again, gazing into her eyes. "You're right. I lied to you .... to everybody... to myself. You had all the right to be mad at me."
"No, I didn't.", she softly snapped. "It's your life, Eli. It's up to you to choose if you wanna tell me the truth or not. I had no right to judge you... to impose myself in, in your life...If you don't want to tell me stuff about you, I understand. I'm sorry if I-"
"Grace, having you in my life was the best thing that ever happened to me.", he got out quickly, cutting her. "I, I was the one that was imposing myself in your life... ... I had no right to say those things about you and, and that guy just because I was. just because I was jealous.", when he uttered the last word she got a little confused and he saw it in her eyes so he broke it down. "I had no idea why you were mad at me... why you had pushed me aside. I was mad because I wanted to have what we had back. I wanted us to be... to be like we used to and then when I saw you with him... I just felt like you ... you, you... I felt like I was. like. like I was all alone again."
"You're not alone, Eli.", she firmly stated. "And ... it's so weird.", she mumbled and he puzzled. "When I saw you with Nina... I kinda felt like... like you didn't need me anymore and that I was alone ... again."
"How could you think that?"
"You thought the same thing when you saw me with Mr. Dimitri.", she replied and he embarrassingly snorted a bittersweet laugh. "It's just ... weird. You know?"
"Yeah, I know.", he mumbled and silent filled the place again.
Eli looked down, looked up, stared at the ceiling... at the floor as Grace kept nodding her head, staring at nowhere. It still felt really weird; they knew it. There were a lot of things that had to be spoken but the courage was slowly slipping out of their bodies so before it was all gone Eli spoke again. "I know that... the things I said to you ... are unforgivable but I only freaked out because. because. I guess I was.. . I was scared."
"Scared?", Grace frowned. "Why?"
"I thought I had lost the best thing about me.", Eli whispered unsurely, gazing into her big brown eyes. "I was scared 'cause I thought I had lost you. 'Cause you, Grace, you are the best thing about me.", he confessed and she lightly smiled. "Could you ever forgive me?"
Grace snorted, shaking her head confusingly. She squeezed her lids and got out softly. "Lots of untrue things were spoken by both of us. What you said to me hurt and in a very funny and confused way it still hurts. But I was way out of line too. So..."
"I guess the question is... where do we stand?", Eli lowly inquired.
"Where we always have.", she answered after a taking a long pause. "... in this beautiful and confusing friendship."
"So. we're friends again."
"Yes, we are."
"Thank you.", he mumbled
"Well, it's late... so-", she began, trying to put an end in their conversation.
"Guess we better go to sleep. We had a real hard day. Hugh?!!", Eli slightly joked and she laughed a little. "Night, Grace."
"Night, Eli.", Grace stood up and went back to her room, her heart was a way lighter then minutes before. Eli watched her close the door then he got up and headed to living room and collapsed on the couch, feeling like things between him and Grace would never be *normal* again and if he was smart enough, he would try to make things between then reach a state where neither one of them would be able to deny.
* * *
For the following days, Eli and Grace spent them laughing, joking, being very friendly to each other. Every thing they did turned to be a great opportunity to touch each other, to hold each other. Grace cooked to him every night and Eli always sang a beautiful song to her, she also read some poetry to him, Eli complained a little about the poetry thing and he mocked her too but she kinda put him back to his place.
In the fifth night at the cabin, when Grace was getting ready to sleep, Eli invaded her room, he had one of his smiles stained on his face. "What?", she snapped jokingly.
"Um. nothing.", he snorted as he jumped onto the bed.
"Eli?!!", she laughed. "I'm tired. I wanna sleep."
"Tired? Of what?", he disputed, kicking his shoes off. "Oh, I get it. Spending the day doing absolutely nothing at all, really, really take out anybody's strengths."
"Shut up!", she smiled, hitting him with the pillow. "What do you want?"
"Talk. What else?"
"We talk all the time."
"Oh, come on, Grace! Let's talk. I'm sure there's plenty of things about you that I don't know, yet.", he stated and she made a funny face. "Come on, tell me your darkest secrets."
"Eli, I'm not you. I don't have dark secrets.", she playfully defended herself.
"Sure about that? Um? Um?", Eli began crawling on her bed, making a face that she had no way out of what he was about to do. Grace knew what he was doing and began to say *no* but he wouldn't listened. He grabbed her, rolled themselves so he laid onto her then he non-stop tickled her sides, making her melt into fits of laughter.
"Stop, Eli!", she ordered laughing and he didn't obey. "I hate you!", she playfully cried.
"No, you don't. You love me!", Eli playfully joked but when he said it, something hit them both . They, for a second, looked at each other in a different way. It was like they almost knew what was about to come but Grace didn't let the silence to continue so she disputed.
"I do hate you, Eli Sammler!!", she laughed again.
"Oh? Really?", to punish her Eli tickled her sides more and more as she kept on trying to make him stop...
~ ~ ~
The night had gone by and the first sun lights slowly invaded the room. Eli felt the light on his face so he sluggishly opened his eyes and as he did he felt *something* within his embrace. He lifted his head and found Grace softly sleeping in his arms. Their games were so fun that they had *accidentally* fallen asleep. And now he was with her in is arms. He almost couldn't believe in his eyes. His heart soared as he watched her sleeping. Eli felt something he could not put into words. She seemed so beautiful, he thought. He wanted to stay there and watch her 'til the end of times but he knew he couldn't let her wake up and find him there, *sleeping* with her. Things between them were fine now and he didn't want them to be *weird* again. So he delicately pulled his arm off from under her, he was extremely careful so she didn't wake her up from her deep slumber. Eli, slowly get off of her bed and headed to the hall but his heart made him stop. He felt an ache crawling under his skin, he felt his heart aching, his skin... his hands were aching because they needed to touch Grace's soft skin right then. But how could he do that? He couldn't and he wouldn't. But he stepped into the room again and again crawled onto the bed. Eli observed her. He fearfully lifted his hand and carefully approached it as close as possible to Grace's shape, he stopped when he was only an inch away from touching her. He slowly traced up and down all the length of her body, desperately wanting to actually touch her. He did it once, twice, three time until Grace let out a soft moan, exhaling. Eli pulled back his hand quickly. His heart was beating so fast that he thought it would burst. Eli managed to get out of there before Grace could wake up. He ran into the living and sat on the couch. His mind was completely confused. Eli, himself had no idea why he was feeling that way. He shook his head and looked at the clock hanging on the wall. It was only six-twenty five in the morning. He felt he couldn't go back to sleep after what he just did and feeling what he felt. Eli took his guitar in his hand and absently strummed it over and over again as his mind wondered... wondered and wondered why.
* * *
Grace moved on her bed several times 'til she finally woke up. She confusingly looked around and her mind went back to the night before. She remember her and Eli playing and talking. "But?", she murmured. Searching for all the memories of the night before but she couldn't remember Eli leaving. "He? No? He didn't. Did he?", she asked herself if Eli had or hadn't spent the night on her bed. . with her. The thought of having him in the same bed as her made her body shiver. She rubbed her eyes with her hands to cast the last signs of sleep out of her body. As she became more and more awake she heard Eli's guitar, it brought a smile to her face. She stood up and went to talk to him. When Grace got to the hall she saw the beautiful vision of him playing. She stopped and watched him. How sensitive he seemed, she thought. Her mind began to wander through her deepest thoughts. Grace remembered the first time she laid eyes on him. She remembered all that she felt; every single feeling she had regarded to him through the past three years. She remembered she thought she wanted to be with him but then she thought she was insane because a guy like him would never be interested in a girl like her. Then they parents hooked up and her feelings were put aside. She also remembered them talking on the phone, his voice sounded so sweet... so deep.
Grace was so lost in her thoughts that she couldn't listen what Eli was trying to sing. All that she heard was murmurs and a soft melody. She felt her heart fulfilled with peace. She thought she saw an angel in disguise. *My frightened angel*, she thought to herself. Grace remained there unnoticed. She made herself stop wondering about her feeling towards Eli and began to pay attention in what he was trying to sing. She observed him strum the same chord a few times. It looked like he was trying to write a song or something. She heard him trying to sing....
"She fell asleep in the warmth of my arms. Woken up wishing it wasn't a dream.", Eli stopped and made a weird face. "Woken up wishing it wasn't a dream? What's wrong with you, Eli? It sucks.", he got out and Grace laughed lowly at it. He took a deep breath and tried again but now with other lyrics. "Um... I wish I could have you. I wish you could say it's alright. Um... I wish I was worth of the glance of your eyes- Okay, shut up, Eli.!", he lowly shouted to himself.
He was trying to put into a song what he was feeling but it was too intense so he couldn't do that. He stopped, closed his eyes and prayed to God to send him the right words because he needed to understand what he was feeling, what he was wanting. He strummed his guitar again and a beautiful sweet melody came out of it. He didn't opened his eyes and letting be moved only by sensations., he played. He let his feelings guide him and it made Grace realize he was truly special... that he was truly an angel in disguise. She heard him sing again but this time the song came out of his heart, he was not thinking, just feeling and she understood too...
*There would be no sound
If there were no silence
There would be no light
If there weren't all the dark
That's just the way it is...
Night and day... right and wrong
The lonely voices singing love
Never say what's truly inside
Silent whispers always talk louder to the hearts
Passionately I speak without words
Silently I say *I love you*
Like the one listening to
A soundless symphony
We are fear and desire
We are made of silent sounds...
Shhhhhhh.....
If only you knew what's within my heart
Silently I say *I love you*
Like the one-
"Hey, rock star!!!", Grace felt an urge to talk, she felt she couldn't keep listening to what he was singing. It was too much for her to stand because she felt the same way too.
"Hey!!! Nappy!!", Eli stopped playing, smiling back at her. "Thought you'd sleep all day."
"Come on, it's only...", Grace cast a glimpse to the clock on the wall. "... only one in the afternoon.", she finished laughing as Eli did it as well. Grace went to look for something to eat and she saw things in the kitchen were exactly how she left the day before. "You haven't eaten yet?"
"Oh, no. I'm not hungry.", Eli got out.
"How come? You eat like-"
"Hey! Watch what you say, Missy!", he kidded
"I was going to say you eat like a bird... a real big, big, big bird. That's all.", she kidded back.
* * *
The hours went by so quickly that the night had come and they didn't even notice it. They spent the day sat on the couch. Eli singing to her and she just enjoying his voice and company.
"Okay. I can't sing anymore. It's your turn.", Eli mumbled, putting his guitar aside.
"What you mean *my turn*?", she made *I don't believe it is what I think it is*, face.
"You're gonna sing to me now.", he said in teasing voice.
"I am so not!", she got out loudly.
"Oh yes, you are!", he disputed. "I killed myself being your human radio today. I sang all those foolish songs you asked me too. You owe me, Grace. You made me sing a N'SYNC song.", Grace started laughing after his last remark.
"I can't sing. You know that.", she remarked.
"You don't fool me, girly girl. I now you can sing. You did that play, didn't you?"
"It was different. And besides, Jessie got all the complements for the singing part. I am no Jessie, Eli. So, don't push.", she tried to escape from singing to him.
"Please!!!!", he pouted like a little kid wanting to persuade his parents to let him do what he wants and it melted her heart.
"Okay. But... it's going to be one of my favorite songs. Right?", she spelled.
"Let me guess... Britney Spears?", he mocked and she shook her head *no*. "Christina Aguillera ?", *no*, again she shrugged. "S Culb 7? Mandy Moore? Um... No angel?", Eli kept trying to guess and she kept shaking her head no.
"It's a Spice Girl song.", she ended his *misery*
"What? It must be a very old song cause they're gone like .... I don't now ... forever?", he mocked her again.
"It's not old. And I said *Spice Girl* not *Girls*.", she disputed and he said *Oh*
"Which one?",
"Baby."
"I always liked Scary.", he teased her and she lightly slapped his arm.
"If you keep doing this I won't sing at all.", she warned and he said *Okay*. Grace prepared herself to sing but when she opened her mouth to begin, another song came to her mind. She quickly remember its lyrics and thought it would better to sing this one than the one she was about to. So she began as he amusingly watched and listened to her.
"Inside my skin there is this space
It twists and turns, it bleeds and aches
Inside my heart there's an empty room
It's waiting for lightning
It's waiting for you... and...
I am wanting
I am needing you to be here
Inside the absence of fear..."
As Eli listened to her, his heart told him something he didn't want to believe it was true but desperately wanted it was.
"Muscles and sinew
Velvet and stone
This vessel is haunted
It creaks and moans
My bones call to you
In a separate skin
I make myself translucent
To let you in, boy...
I am wanting
I am needing you to be here
Inside the absence of fear..."
Eli looked deeply into her shining eyes and he saw her. he truly saw her. She was shyly exposing herself to him and he knew it and . and he loved it. He felt like the questions and the doubts that were deep inside of him were fading away, slowly fading away. But what he was feeling was right? He didn't care anymore, he just wanted to keep listening to her soft voice.
"There is this hunger
This restlessness inside of me
And it knows that you're no stranger
You're my gravity
My hands will adore you
Through all darkness aim
They will lay you out in moonlight
And reinvent your name for...
I am wanting
I am needing you to be here
I need you near...
Inside the absence... of fear..."
Grace finished singing and Eli just stared at her face. "So, I guess it was that bad. Hugh?", she jokingly stated, noticing his stillness.
"Huhn? Oh? No. No, it was not bat at all.", he hummed. "It was beautiful."
"And it was not one of those songs that you hate so much.", she said standing up.
"Shower time!", Grace joked again, beginning to head to the bathroom's way but Eli's voice stopped her.
"Grace?", he said in serious tone.
"What?", she said back and Eli only stared at her, not very sure if what he was about to ask was , really, a wise thing for him to do.
"Um.. um. Do you know *what* we are? I mean, what I'm asking is. um.", Eli stumblingly tried to express his thoughts as she watched him with a frowned face. ". is.um. are we friends? Or step-siblings. . or. ? Can you define what we have or what we had?"
Grace couldn't believe he had just asked her that. How brave of him, she thought. But still was unsure of what she should say. Should she tell him the truth? But what was the *truth*? So, she took a deep breath, her face smoothed as she blinked a few times then she uttered, "I don't know what we have, right now, Eli and about what we had.", she paused and nothing came out of her mouth for the next few minutes. Eli only waited for her to finish what she was about to say and after a long while Grace hummed, "How can you redefine something that never really had a name?", her words hit both of them real hard. they knew *what* they were but they were too afraid to admit it. Grace awkwardly smiled at him then went to take her shower.
* * *
Grace couldn't get much sleep that night. Her mind was way too full of questions, doubts *ifs* and *misunderstood feelings. She tossed and turned on her bed all night. When still left a few minutes for the sun to come up, Grace realized there was no point in trying to go back to sleep, so to clear her mind she decided it would nice if she went swimming in the lake. It was a hot night and besides, she really needed something to keep her from thinking about *whatever* was going on between her and Eli.
She got up and tried to make her way out of the cabin as quiet as possible so she wouldn't wake him up. As she passed by the couch she cast a look at Eli; he was laying down, sleeping, the covers were on his waist so she could see his bare hard chest, which was not doing her any good; it only made her even more confused. Looking at him, laying there with no shirt on, tempted her to do unutterable things. At that moment Grace had to force herself to leave the living room before she wouldn't be able to help herself anymore. She walked to the door and stepped out.
When Grace opened the door, it creaked a little and the sound of it brought Eli out of his slumber. He also had had a tough night because, as well as Grace, he was really confused with all that was going on between them. That's why the low sound of the door opening was able to wake him up.
Eli looked around and saw the door wide opened. The first thing that came to his mind right then was Grace, Eli wondered if she was feeling okay. To make sure nothing was wrong Eli stood up and walked to the door and as he got out side he caught the vision of Grace with his hazel eyes, she was sluggishly walking towards the lake...
*Lately when I look into you eyes
I realize you're the only one I need in my life...*
... Eli felt as if his heart had stopped beating for a whole minute as he stood on the front porch watching Grace. His soul was swallowed by a feeling that once he thought he knew but now he was pretty sure it was nothing compared to what he was feeling. The bright vision of Grace delighted him. She was beautiful, lost and innocent like a fallen angel... an angel that was desperately trying to find her way back up to Heaven; only for that particular angel *Heaven* was the arms of her unattainable step-brother...
*... Baby, I just don't know how to describe
How lovely you make me feel inside...*
... Grace reached the water and she slowly walked into it. Her eyes were lost in the distance, her thoughts lost in Eli. How could she feel that way after all the fighting? She didn't know or she was too afraid of the answer. She only wanted to feel free... Those feelings were like chains holding her although she felt wings on her back. She stopped and contemplated the beauty all around her then she took a deep breath and dived in...
*...You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz...*
... When Eli saw her diving into the water, he thought it would be the perfect time for him to go to her without being noticed. Eli didn't want her to see him but he felt like he couldn't be an inch away from her. So he left the porch and walked to the lake. Grace kept arising and diving gracefully as Eli approached the water...
*...But never had I imagined such a feeling
Joy is what you bring
I wanna give you everything...*
... Grace arose from the water and this time she didn't dive back in. She felt lighter, like the load she was carrying had been lifted up from her body. She began to walk backwards 'til the water was on her knees. The sun slowly shone its lights and Grace kept her eyes fixed on the horizon as Eli still watched her...
*...You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz...*
... Grace absently-minded watched the sun slowly coming up. She felt like its light were warming her heart, melting her fears away... she felt good inside although she still had doubts about her deepest feelings... feelings for Eli
Eli observed her carefully, she still hadn't noticed his presence there, so he kept on walking 'til his feet touched the water. And although Grace seemed to be very distracted at the time he steeped closer to her, her heart was able to hear something getting in the water. At first she thought it was a bird or any other small animal but then she felt his warmth getting closer and closer to her. Her heart froze when she realized it was Eli and when he touched her arm, the warmth of his hand sent chills through her spine... she began shaking... inside and outside as Eli moved around her until they were face to face...
*... You and I
Are destiny
I know now
You were made for me...*
... Grace was with her eyes closed, silently praying for him to go away but instead God gave Eli strengths and he gently touched her chin, making her lift up her face as well as her eyes and their unsure gazes met. Grace tried to force herself to stop looking into his eyes but she was powerless against him. He was her holy-grail, he was all that she ever wanted and couldn't have and now he was right in front of her, touching her face, making her feel things no one ever had...
*... Ohh, oooo
I can't control it...
It's driving me
Taking over me and I want...*
... They remained in silence forever, looking deeply into each other's eyes... how many words they spelled... how my questions they asked although no word was uttered. Grace understood perfectly well how much Eli wanted her to get into his mind; he wanted her to understand him, understand why he kept himself from love... from her. And Eli could read in her eyes that she was asking if *it was right or if it was really wrong*. She was dreadfully scared of the consequences but right then facing him, staring at his pure gaze made her finally realize that it was what they'd been waiting for all along...
*...You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz...*
... Grace couldn't stand his honest pleading gaze anymore, so she finally could make herself to tear her eyes from his. She thought that maybe it would make him leave or at least feel not wanted but it only gave Eli the chance to delightfully contemplate all the vision of her.
Eli studied very slow and carefully each and every single line of her face and as he made his way down, he almost couldn't believe in his very eyes. He clearly saw the shadow of her rouse firm breasts under her top. Grace didn't feel like wearing jamie's that night so she was wearing a tiny black short and a light white top tank and because she and all her clothing were soaking wet, the water made the garment of her top almost completely transparent. Eli's mouth dried off as he memorized all the curves of her breasts... all the curves of her entire body.
Grace felt like she was naked when she noticed his stare. Her breathing shortened just at the thought of him seeing her truly shape. Embarrassment made her blush but she was made of flesh and blood too. She was human and having Eli standing right in front of her with no shirt made her now study careful and delightfully his body with her curious eyes.
Her eyes ran through the hard golden muscles of his chest, then his stomach and way down his abdomen. Her core trembled at every look she cast at his body. Eli found amusing her research and loved the way she was interested in him...
*...You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz...*
... Eli didn't want to keep playing those games anymore so he grabbed her right hand and squeezed it tightly. She looked into his eyes and saw that he was waiting for her final answer. She saw that he was begging for a change. She realized he had surrendered because as well as her, he was sinking fast into all that they might had been... all that they might had lived.
So there it was the chance to make their dreams come true but Grace was still too attached to her doubts and to the fears that foolishly she thought the sun had melt away. Tears sprung from her eyes as her eyes silently and bittersweetly said *I'm sorry.*. Grace freed her hand and began to walk out the water. "Grace!!", Eli only got out and she froze in place because her heart ached when she heard him utter her name...
*... You give me something I just can't deny
Something that is so real
I just can't control the way I fell
Oh no oh no oh no oh no...*
... Grace was still like a statue. Eli walked to her and first touched her arms as he approached his loved one and when they were face to face again... inches apart, he lightly caressed her hands and then he made his way up to her arms until he had her angelic face cuppled within his hands.
Grace opened her misty eyes and they stared into his hazel ones. *Could it be any harder?*, she asked herself as she kept looking into his eyes. It was real hard for her to look into those eyes of his, feel his touches and still be strong enough to say *no*. Well, Grace only managed a light smile that gave Eli his so wanted answer.
Eli slowly leaned in, he hesitated for an instant but when his lips softly brushed hers, he... she... they knew it was right. He pulled back to look at her eyes and her lovely face one more time. Grace thought he wouldn't noticed that she had actually shed a tear and it had mixed with the water drops that were still on her face but he saw it cause he knew her and he couldn't miss a thing about her.
Eli leaned in again and this time he kissed her gently but also with passion. Her arms came up to his shoulders, wrapping his body. Their kisses grew more and more. Nothing really mattered at that instant just the feeling of having each other was enough to keep them safe and warmed. Eli's hunger to keep tasting her was endless and her wanting of having him attached to her was indescribable. Eli felt her touches crawling within his skin as she felt his essence clutching into her breasts. And by the time they had truly surrendered to their feelings, the sun was already up... shining their love to the nature around...
*... You give me something I just can't deny
Something that is so real
I just can't control the way I fell
Ohh I never felt like this... ...*
Just one more thing., I wanna thank all those who reviewed this fic. I really appreciate that, people. Your comments mean the world to me. Thanks. And I give you my word that within eight or ten days I will have chapter six posted here.
* * * * *
Grace waited three long hours. She desperately tried to force herself to stop thinking of Eli and get some sleep but her hard trying was all in vain, all she could do was wonder... wonder what he meant with that song... she kept wondering why; *Why do I fell this way? Why was I mad at him? Why is it happening? Why? Why? Why is he who he is? Why am I who I am? Why? Why do I have to feel this way? Why can't I figure what really is going on? Why all these feelings mean?*, Grace wondered over and over, knowing deep down inside that an only one word would answer her thousands questions... the only word she was dreadfully afraid of saying. How it tortured her. and how it tortured him.
Grace got up and walked to the closed door. She silently tried to capture any noise coming from outside but she heard nothing. Her heart wanted Eli to be still outside the door waiting for her. She grabbed the knob , closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She silently mouthed a prayer that he would be there then she slowly opened the door... as she opened her eyes, she caught the vision of Eli sat on the floor, his arms embracing his legs, his face buried in between his arms. ., she mutely watched him.
Eli's heart froze for a second when he heard the door opening. He sluggishly lifted his face and their gazes met. He stared her. Her eyes were still red as blood because of her crying. Eli lowered his face again in shame and Grace, in silence, took a seat on the floor by his side. They remained, sat in that loud silence for a quite long time, never facing each other... until Eli weakly mumbled a few words.
"I'm sorry, Grace. I'm really... sorry."
"It wasn't your fault.", she lowly said back, lifting her eyes to look at him. "I started this whol-"
"No. No.", he spoke again, gazing into her eyes. "You're right. I lied to you .... to everybody... to myself. You had all the right to be mad at me."
"No, I didn't.", she softly snapped. "It's your life, Eli. It's up to you to choose if you wanna tell me the truth or not. I had no right to judge you... to impose myself in, in your life...If you don't want to tell me stuff about you, I understand. I'm sorry if I-"
"Grace, having you in my life was the best thing that ever happened to me.", he got out quickly, cutting her. "I, I was the one that was imposing myself in your life... ... I had no right to say those things about you and, and that guy just because I was. just because I was jealous.", when he uttered the last word she got a little confused and he saw it in her eyes so he broke it down. "I had no idea why you were mad at me... why you had pushed me aside. I was mad because I wanted to have what we had back. I wanted us to be... to be like we used to and then when I saw you with him... I just felt like you ... you, you... I felt like I was. like. like I was all alone again."
"You're not alone, Eli.", she firmly stated. "And ... it's so weird.", she mumbled and he puzzled. "When I saw you with Nina... I kinda felt like... like you didn't need me anymore and that I was alone ... again."
"How could you think that?"
"You thought the same thing when you saw me with Mr. Dimitri.", she replied and he embarrassingly snorted a bittersweet laugh. "It's just ... weird. You know?"
"Yeah, I know.", he mumbled and silent filled the place again.
Eli looked down, looked up, stared at the ceiling... at the floor as Grace kept nodding her head, staring at nowhere. It still felt really weird; they knew it. There were a lot of things that had to be spoken but the courage was slowly slipping out of their bodies so before it was all gone Eli spoke again. "I know that... the things I said to you ... are unforgivable but I only freaked out because. because. I guess I was.. . I was scared."
"Scared?", Grace frowned. "Why?"
"I thought I had lost the best thing about me.", Eli whispered unsurely, gazing into her big brown eyes. "I was scared 'cause I thought I had lost you. 'Cause you, Grace, you are the best thing about me.", he confessed and she lightly smiled. "Could you ever forgive me?"
Grace snorted, shaking her head confusingly. She squeezed her lids and got out softly. "Lots of untrue things were spoken by both of us. What you said to me hurt and in a very funny and confused way it still hurts. But I was way out of line too. So..."
"I guess the question is... where do we stand?", Eli lowly inquired.
"Where we always have.", she answered after a taking a long pause. "... in this beautiful and confusing friendship."
"So. we're friends again."
"Yes, we are."
"Thank you.", he mumbled
"Well, it's late... so-", she began, trying to put an end in their conversation.
"Guess we better go to sleep. We had a real hard day. Hugh?!!", Eli slightly joked and she laughed a little. "Night, Grace."
"Night, Eli.", Grace stood up and went back to her room, her heart was a way lighter then minutes before. Eli watched her close the door then he got up and headed to living room and collapsed on the couch, feeling like things between him and Grace would never be *normal* again and if he was smart enough, he would try to make things between then reach a state where neither one of them would be able to deny.
* * *
For the following days, Eli and Grace spent them laughing, joking, being very friendly to each other. Every thing they did turned to be a great opportunity to touch each other, to hold each other. Grace cooked to him every night and Eli always sang a beautiful song to her, she also read some poetry to him, Eli complained a little about the poetry thing and he mocked her too but she kinda put him back to his place.
In the fifth night at the cabin, when Grace was getting ready to sleep, Eli invaded her room, he had one of his smiles stained on his face. "What?", she snapped jokingly.
"Um. nothing.", he snorted as he jumped onto the bed.
"Eli?!!", she laughed. "I'm tired. I wanna sleep."
"Tired? Of what?", he disputed, kicking his shoes off. "Oh, I get it. Spending the day doing absolutely nothing at all, really, really take out anybody's strengths."
"Shut up!", she smiled, hitting him with the pillow. "What do you want?"
"Talk. What else?"
"We talk all the time."
"Oh, come on, Grace! Let's talk. I'm sure there's plenty of things about you that I don't know, yet.", he stated and she made a funny face. "Come on, tell me your darkest secrets."
"Eli, I'm not you. I don't have dark secrets.", she playfully defended herself.
"Sure about that? Um? Um?", Eli began crawling on her bed, making a face that she had no way out of what he was about to do. Grace knew what he was doing and began to say *no* but he wouldn't listened. He grabbed her, rolled themselves so he laid onto her then he non-stop tickled her sides, making her melt into fits of laughter.
"Stop, Eli!", she ordered laughing and he didn't obey. "I hate you!", she playfully cried.
"No, you don't. You love me!", Eli playfully joked but when he said it, something hit them both . They, for a second, looked at each other in a different way. It was like they almost knew what was about to come but Grace didn't let the silence to continue so she disputed.
"I do hate you, Eli Sammler!!", she laughed again.
"Oh? Really?", to punish her Eli tickled her sides more and more as she kept on trying to make him stop...
~ ~ ~
The night had gone by and the first sun lights slowly invaded the room. Eli felt the light on his face so he sluggishly opened his eyes and as he did he felt *something* within his embrace. He lifted his head and found Grace softly sleeping in his arms. Their games were so fun that they had *accidentally* fallen asleep. And now he was with her in is arms. He almost couldn't believe in his eyes. His heart soared as he watched her sleeping. Eli felt something he could not put into words. She seemed so beautiful, he thought. He wanted to stay there and watch her 'til the end of times but he knew he couldn't let her wake up and find him there, *sleeping* with her. Things between them were fine now and he didn't want them to be *weird* again. So he delicately pulled his arm off from under her, he was extremely careful so she didn't wake her up from her deep slumber. Eli, slowly get off of her bed and headed to the hall but his heart made him stop. He felt an ache crawling under his skin, he felt his heart aching, his skin... his hands were aching because they needed to touch Grace's soft skin right then. But how could he do that? He couldn't and he wouldn't. But he stepped into the room again and again crawled onto the bed. Eli observed her. He fearfully lifted his hand and carefully approached it as close as possible to Grace's shape, he stopped when he was only an inch away from touching her. He slowly traced up and down all the length of her body, desperately wanting to actually touch her. He did it once, twice, three time until Grace let out a soft moan, exhaling. Eli pulled back his hand quickly. His heart was beating so fast that he thought it would burst. Eli managed to get out of there before Grace could wake up. He ran into the living and sat on the couch. His mind was completely confused. Eli, himself had no idea why he was feeling that way. He shook his head and looked at the clock hanging on the wall. It was only six-twenty five in the morning. He felt he couldn't go back to sleep after what he just did and feeling what he felt. Eli took his guitar in his hand and absently strummed it over and over again as his mind wondered... wondered and wondered why.
* * *
Grace moved on her bed several times 'til she finally woke up. She confusingly looked around and her mind went back to the night before. She remember her and Eli playing and talking. "But?", she murmured. Searching for all the memories of the night before but she couldn't remember Eli leaving. "He? No? He didn't. Did he?", she asked herself if Eli had or hadn't spent the night on her bed. . with her. The thought of having him in the same bed as her made her body shiver. She rubbed her eyes with her hands to cast the last signs of sleep out of her body. As she became more and more awake she heard Eli's guitar, it brought a smile to her face. She stood up and went to talk to him. When Grace got to the hall she saw the beautiful vision of him playing. She stopped and watched him. How sensitive he seemed, she thought. Her mind began to wander through her deepest thoughts. Grace remembered the first time she laid eyes on him. She remembered all that she felt; every single feeling she had regarded to him through the past three years. She remembered she thought she wanted to be with him but then she thought she was insane because a guy like him would never be interested in a girl like her. Then they parents hooked up and her feelings were put aside. She also remembered them talking on the phone, his voice sounded so sweet... so deep.
Grace was so lost in her thoughts that she couldn't listen what Eli was trying to sing. All that she heard was murmurs and a soft melody. She felt her heart fulfilled with peace. She thought she saw an angel in disguise. *My frightened angel*, she thought to herself. Grace remained there unnoticed. She made herself stop wondering about her feeling towards Eli and began to pay attention in what he was trying to sing. She observed him strum the same chord a few times. It looked like he was trying to write a song or something. She heard him trying to sing....
"She fell asleep in the warmth of my arms. Woken up wishing it wasn't a dream.", Eli stopped and made a weird face. "Woken up wishing it wasn't a dream? What's wrong with you, Eli? It sucks.", he got out and Grace laughed lowly at it. He took a deep breath and tried again but now with other lyrics. "Um... I wish I could have you. I wish you could say it's alright. Um... I wish I was worth of the glance of your eyes- Okay, shut up, Eli.!", he lowly shouted to himself.
He was trying to put into a song what he was feeling but it was too intense so he couldn't do that. He stopped, closed his eyes and prayed to God to send him the right words because he needed to understand what he was feeling, what he was wanting. He strummed his guitar again and a beautiful sweet melody came out of it. He didn't opened his eyes and letting be moved only by sensations., he played. He let his feelings guide him and it made Grace realize he was truly special... that he was truly an angel in disguise. She heard him sing again but this time the song came out of his heart, he was not thinking, just feeling and she understood too...
*There would be no sound
If there were no silence
There would be no light
If there weren't all the dark
That's just the way it is...
Night and day... right and wrong
The lonely voices singing love
Never say what's truly inside
Silent whispers always talk louder to the hearts
Passionately I speak without words
Silently I say *I love you*
Like the one listening to
A soundless symphony
We are fear and desire
We are made of silent sounds...
Shhhhhhh.....
If only you knew what's within my heart
Silently I say *I love you*
Like the one-
"Hey, rock star!!!", Grace felt an urge to talk, she felt she couldn't keep listening to what he was singing. It was too much for her to stand because she felt the same way too.
"Hey!!! Nappy!!", Eli stopped playing, smiling back at her. "Thought you'd sleep all day."
"Come on, it's only...", Grace cast a glimpse to the clock on the wall. "... only one in the afternoon.", she finished laughing as Eli did it as well. Grace went to look for something to eat and she saw things in the kitchen were exactly how she left the day before. "You haven't eaten yet?"
"Oh, no. I'm not hungry.", Eli got out.
"How come? You eat like-"
"Hey! Watch what you say, Missy!", he kidded
"I was going to say you eat like a bird... a real big, big, big bird. That's all.", she kidded back.
* * *
The hours went by so quickly that the night had come and they didn't even notice it. They spent the day sat on the couch. Eli singing to her and she just enjoying his voice and company.
"Okay. I can't sing anymore. It's your turn.", Eli mumbled, putting his guitar aside.
"What you mean *my turn*?", she made *I don't believe it is what I think it is*, face.
"You're gonna sing to me now.", he said in teasing voice.
"I am so not!", she got out loudly.
"Oh yes, you are!", he disputed. "I killed myself being your human radio today. I sang all those foolish songs you asked me too. You owe me, Grace. You made me sing a N'SYNC song.", Grace started laughing after his last remark.
"I can't sing. You know that.", she remarked.
"You don't fool me, girly girl. I now you can sing. You did that play, didn't you?"
"It was different. And besides, Jessie got all the complements for the singing part. I am no Jessie, Eli. So, don't push.", she tried to escape from singing to him.
"Please!!!!", he pouted like a little kid wanting to persuade his parents to let him do what he wants and it melted her heart.
"Okay. But... it's going to be one of my favorite songs. Right?", she spelled.
"Let me guess... Britney Spears?", he mocked and she shook her head *no*. "Christina Aguillera ?", *no*, again she shrugged. "S Culb 7? Mandy Moore? Um... No angel?", Eli kept trying to guess and she kept shaking her head no.
"It's a Spice Girl song.", she ended his *misery*
"What? It must be a very old song cause they're gone like .... I don't now ... forever?", he mocked her again.
"It's not old. And I said *Spice Girl* not *Girls*.", she disputed and he said *Oh*
"Which one?",
"Baby."
"I always liked Scary.", he teased her and she lightly slapped his arm.
"If you keep doing this I won't sing at all.", she warned and he said *Okay*. Grace prepared herself to sing but when she opened her mouth to begin, another song came to her mind. She quickly remember its lyrics and thought it would better to sing this one than the one she was about to. So she began as he amusingly watched and listened to her.
"Inside my skin there is this space
It twists and turns, it bleeds and aches
Inside my heart there's an empty room
It's waiting for lightning
It's waiting for you... and...
I am wanting
I am needing you to be here
Inside the absence of fear..."
As Eli listened to her, his heart told him something he didn't want to believe it was true but desperately wanted it was.
"Muscles and sinew
Velvet and stone
This vessel is haunted
It creaks and moans
My bones call to you
In a separate skin
I make myself translucent
To let you in, boy...
I am wanting
I am needing you to be here
Inside the absence of fear..."
Eli looked deeply into her shining eyes and he saw her. he truly saw her. She was shyly exposing herself to him and he knew it and . and he loved it. He felt like the questions and the doubts that were deep inside of him were fading away, slowly fading away. But what he was feeling was right? He didn't care anymore, he just wanted to keep listening to her soft voice.
"There is this hunger
This restlessness inside of me
And it knows that you're no stranger
You're my gravity
My hands will adore you
Through all darkness aim
They will lay you out in moonlight
And reinvent your name for...
I am wanting
I am needing you to be here
I need you near...
Inside the absence... of fear..."
Grace finished singing and Eli just stared at her face. "So, I guess it was that bad. Hugh?", she jokingly stated, noticing his stillness.
"Huhn? Oh? No. No, it was not bat at all.", he hummed. "It was beautiful."
"And it was not one of those songs that you hate so much.", she said standing up.
"Shower time!", Grace joked again, beginning to head to the bathroom's way but Eli's voice stopped her.
"Grace?", he said in serious tone.
"What?", she said back and Eli only stared at her, not very sure if what he was about to ask was , really, a wise thing for him to do.
"Um.. um. Do you know *what* we are? I mean, what I'm asking is. um.", Eli stumblingly tried to express his thoughts as she watched him with a frowned face. ". is.um. are we friends? Or step-siblings. . or. ? Can you define what we have or what we had?"
Grace couldn't believe he had just asked her that. How brave of him, she thought. But still was unsure of what she should say. Should she tell him the truth? But what was the *truth*? So, she took a deep breath, her face smoothed as she blinked a few times then she uttered, "I don't know what we have, right now, Eli and about what we had.", she paused and nothing came out of her mouth for the next few minutes. Eli only waited for her to finish what she was about to say and after a long while Grace hummed, "How can you redefine something that never really had a name?", her words hit both of them real hard. they knew *what* they were but they were too afraid to admit it. Grace awkwardly smiled at him then went to take her shower.
* * *
Grace couldn't get much sleep that night. Her mind was way too full of questions, doubts *ifs* and *misunderstood feelings. She tossed and turned on her bed all night. When still left a few minutes for the sun to come up, Grace realized there was no point in trying to go back to sleep, so to clear her mind she decided it would nice if she went swimming in the lake. It was a hot night and besides, she really needed something to keep her from thinking about *whatever* was going on between her and Eli.
She got up and tried to make her way out of the cabin as quiet as possible so she wouldn't wake him up. As she passed by the couch she cast a look at Eli; he was laying down, sleeping, the covers were on his waist so she could see his bare hard chest, which was not doing her any good; it only made her even more confused. Looking at him, laying there with no shirt on, tempted her to do unutterable things. At that moment Grace had to force herself to leave the living room before she wouldn't be able to help herself anymore. She walked to the door and stepped out.
When Grace opened the door, it creaked a little and the sound of it brought Eli out of his slumber. He also had had a tough night because, as well as Grace, he was really confused with all that was going on between them. That's why the low sound of the door opening was able to wake him up.
Eli looked around and saw the door wide opened. The first thing that came to his mind right then was Grace, Eli wondered if she was feeling okay. To make sure nothing was wrong Eli stood up and walked to the door and as he got out side he caught the vision of Grace with his hazel eyes, she was sluggishly walking towards the lake...
*Lately when I look into you eyes
I realize you're the only one I need in my life...*
... Eli felt as if his heart had stopped beating for a whole minute as he stood on the front porch watching Grace. His soul was swallowed by a feeling that once he thought he knew but now he was pretty sure it was nothing compared to what he was feeling. The bright vision of Grace delighted him. She was beautiful, lost and innocent like a fallen angel... an angel that was desperately trying to find her way back up to Heaven; only for that particular angel *Heaven* was the arms of her unattainable step-brother...
*... Baby, I just don't know how to describe
How lovely you make me feel inside...*
... Grace reached the water and she slowly walked into it. Her eyes were lost in the distance, her thoughts lost in Eli. How could she feel that way after all the fighting? She didn't know or she was too afraid of the answer. She only wanted to feel free... Those feelings were like chains holding her although she felt wings on her back. She stopped and contemplated the beauty all around her then she took a deep breath and dived in...
*...You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz...*
... When Eli saw her diving into the water, he thought it would be the perfect time for him to go to her without being noticed. Eli didn't want her to see him but he felt like he couldn't be an inch away from her. So he left the porch and walked to the lake. Grace kept arising and diving gracefully as Eli approached the water...
*...But never had I imagined such a feeling
Joy is what you bring
I wanna give you everything...*
... Grace arose from the water and this time she didn't dive back in. She felt lighter, like the load she was carrying had been lifted up from her body. She began to walk backwards 'til the water was on her knees. The sun slowly shone its lights and Grace kept her eyes fixed on the horizon as Eli still watched her...
*...You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz...*
... Grace absently-minded watched the sun slowly coming up. She felt like its light were warming her heart, melting her fears away... she felt good inside although she still had doubts about her deepest feelings... feelings for Eli
Eli observed her carefully, she still hadn't noticed his presence there, so he kept on walking 'til his feet touched the water. And although Grace seemed to be very distracted at the time he steeped closer to her, her heart was able to hear something getting in the water. At first she thought it was a bird or any other small animal but then she felt his warmth getting closer and closer to her. Her heart froze when she realized it was Eli and when he touched her arm, the warmth of his hand sent chills through her spine... she began shaking... inside and outside as Eli moved around her until they were face to face...
*... You and I
Are destiny
I know now
You were made for me...*
... Grace was with her eyes closed, silently praying for him to go away but instead God gave Eli strengths and he gently touched her chin, making her lift up her face as well as her eyes and their unsure gazes met. Grace tried to force herself to stop looking into his eyes but she was powerless against him. He was her holy-grail, he was all that she ever wanted and couldn't have and now he was right in front of her, touching her face, making her feel things no one ever had...
*... Ohh, oooo
I can't control it...
It's driving me
Taking over me and I want...*
... They remained in silence forever, looking deeply into each other's eyes... how many words they spelled... how my questions they asked although no word was uttered. Grace understood perfectly well how much Eli wanted her to get into his mind; he wanted her to understand him, understand why he kept himself from love... from her. And Eli could read in her eyes that she was asking if *it was right or if it was really wrong*. She was dreadfully scared of the consequences but right then facing him, staring at his pure gaze made her finally realize that it was what they'd been waiting for all along...
*...You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz...*
... Grace couldn't stand his honest pleading gaze anymore, so she finally could make herself to tear her eyes from his. She thought that maybe it would make him leave or at least feel not wanted but it only gave Eli the chance to delightfully contemplate all the vision of her.
Eli studied very slow and carefully each and every single line of her face and as he made his way down, he almost couldn't believe in his very eyes. He clearly saw the shadow of her rouse firm breasts under her top. Grace didn't feel like wearing jamie's that night so she was wearing a tiny black short and a light white top tank and because she and all her clothing were soaking wet, the water made the garment of her top almost completely transparent. Eli's mouth dried off as he memorized all the curves of her breasts... all the curves of her entire body.
Grace felt like she was naked when she noticed his stare. Her breathing shortened just at the thought of him seeing her truly shape. Embarrassment made her blush but she was made of flesh and blood too. She was human and having Eli standing right in front of her with no shirt made her now study careful and delightfully his body with her curious eyes.
Her eyes ran through the hard golden muscles of his chest, then his stomach and way down his abdomen. Her core trembled at every look she cast at his body. Eli found amusing her research and loved the way she was interested in him...
*...You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz
You give me butterflyz
Got me flying so high in the sky
I can't control the butterflyz...*
... Eli didn't want to keep playing those games anymore so he grabbed her right hand and squeezed it tightly. She looked into his eyes and saw that he was waiting for her final answer. She saw that he was begging for a change. She realized he had surrendered because as well as her, he was sinking fast into all that they might had been... all that they might had lived.
So there it was the chance to make their dreams come true but Grace was still too attached to her doubts and to the fears that foolishly she thought the sun had melt away. Tears sprung from her eyes as her eyes silently and bittersweetly said *I'm sorry.*. Grace freed her hand and began to walk out the water. "Grace!!", Eli only got out and she froze in place because her heart ached when she heard him utter her name...
*... You give me something I just can't deny
Something that is so real
I just can't control the way I fell
Oh no oh no oh no oh no...*
... Grace was still like a statue. Eli walked to her and first touched her arms as he approached his loved one and when they were face to face again... inches apart, he lightly caressed her hands and then he made his way up to her arms until he had her angelic face cuppled within his hands.
Grace opened her misty eyes and they stared into his hazel ones. *Could it be any harder?*, she asked herself as she kept looking into his eyes. It was real hard for her to look into those eyes of his, feel his touches and still be strong enough to say *no*. Well, Grace only managed a light smile that gave Eli his so wanted answer.
Eli slowly leaned in, he hesitated for an instant but when his lips softly brushed hers, he... she... they knew it was right. He pulled back to look at her eyes and her lovely face one more time. Grace thought he wouldn't noticed that she had actually shed a tear and it had mixed with the water drops that were still on her face but he saw it cause he knew her and he couldn't miss a thing about her.
Eli leaned in again and this time he kissed her gently but also with passion. Her arms came up to his shoulders, wrapping his body. Their kisses grew more and more. Nothing really mattered at that instant just the feeling of having each other was enough to keep them safe and warmed. Eli's hunger to keep tasting her was endless and her wanting of having him attached to her was indescribable. Eli felt her touches crawling within his skin as she felt his essence clutching into her breasts. And by the time they had truly surrendered to their feelings, the sun was already up... shining their love to the nature around...
*... You give me something I just can't deny
Something that is so real
I just can't control the way I fell
Ohh I never felt like this... ...*