Wow! Hehe, this is way fun! Thanks for all the reviews! Of course some of
you may have figured out just how much the threat of usage of Vengeance
demons still stands! ;)
Much thanks to lAURA, Anne, Bubblebuster, wendy, sita, ezba, Haley, Spuffygirl and dutchbuffy2305! You guys really made my day! It's such a boost to read your thoughts and to read that you like this! Please, keep it up - I crrraaave it! Hand on heart, I appreciate the gesture a whole lot! Thank you all!
ALSO I realized I made a rather critical error. Willow was supposed to say "I cast the spell three years ago" - not "three and a half years ago." Sorry! I hope some answers will come with this chapter... Any confusion please let me know. ;)
A.M.L, Annie.
***
"Willow!"
The loud yell from the vampire, as he came down the steps of the stairs rapidly, made the redhead rush out into the hallway from the kitchen to meet him, her eyes big and worried.
She was met by the sight of Spike with the two peices of the torn up T flapping out at his sides as he stormed towards her before stopping to face her. And then there was Buffy, who looked distraught and pleading at the same time, as she followed the vampire on his heels - trying to make him turn and face her by grabbing his arm, which he kept tearing out of her grip.
"Something's wrong," he stated to the questioning Wicca and the latter blinked, looking from the vampire to the Slayer.
"Spike," Buffy said, shaking her head. "Spike, LOOK at me!"
"No," he answered. "I'm not bloody looking at you 'til we have this straightened out."
"What?" Willow asked. "WHAT are you going to 'straighten out'?!"
"Her," Spike said, pointing a finger at Buffy who almost smiled, once more shaking her head and settling to let him speak as she crossed her arms over her chest. "SHE'S what needs to be 'straightened out'. SHE'S what's gone wrong. She just... told me something that was kinda unnerving."
Willow raised her eyebrows.
"I told you the TRUTH!" Buffy exclaimed. "I thought you'd be delirious with happiness by now!"
"Don't you bloody make this into a joke, Slayer!" he shot back, finally turning his head to her and she could see sparks of the old Spike in the anger tracing his irisis.
"I-I'm not," she stuttered in protest, looking at him and Willow's eyes grew slightly as the Slayer's face softened. "I'm just saying," she added silently.
"What you're saying is the problem," Spike replied and she pouted slightly.
"You're being mean to me. Don't you think that..."
"Don't make me gag you," he warned and she shut her mouth with another pout. "She said 'I love you'," he added, turning to Willow, whose eyes now turned very round and almost glossy.
"She-she told you what?" she asked.
"I told him," Buffy answered in Spike's stead before reaching up a hand and placing it by his chin before making him look at her again, then she finished: "I love you."
Spike broke free, taking a step from her and shaking his head at her before sputtering:
"See?! She's gone bloody bonkers in a cupple of hours! Something's off, Willow. I can feel it."
Willow suddenly looked so guilty that the Vamp narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
"You know what it is, don't you?" he asked and she hesitated before she nodded a little.
Spike tried to break down the rising disappointment and the accompanying pain at the loss of Buffy's fictional love that had been sweet for the past five minutes. So sweet that he couldn't imagine what it would be like never to hear her say that she loved him ever again. He had dared to hope... but not to believe. And now...
"This is ridiculous," Buffy interrupted his thoughts. "You're telling me I don't know how I feel?"
Spike dismissed her input as he turned his attention on Willow again.
"So, what is it? It's a spell, isn't it?" he asked and as Willow's eyes wandered out of his he didn't need a reply, he knew he had hit the jackpot with that one.
Of course. Why else would the Slayer be throwing herself at him like this? He got an attack of guilty conscience as he thought of their make-out marathon upstairs. Then again, she had made the first move and considering the circumstances she wouldn't be able to say that he had "taken advantage", would she?
"Okay," he grumbled, taking a moment to gather up the tumbling bundle of emotions inside. "I need you to tell me everything there is to this..."
"You don't remember?" Willow interrupted him.
Buffy turned her head to her friend with a questioning expression on her face, matching the one on the vampire's.
"Remember what?" the Slayer asked.
Willow stared at them and then she frowned slightly.
"I don't remember either..." she murmured. "Okay, stay here," she added, walking past the two and proceeding up the stairs. "I'll be right back," she assured, disappearing from view.
Spike leaned against the wall of the hallway. Feeling how Buffy moved closer as she leaned against it as well he turned his head to her. She smiled tryingly and he shook his head, looking away from her.
"Spike," she practically whined. "I know this is sudden, but you can't act like it doesn't mean anything to you. Please!"
He raised his eyebrows, looking back at her and warmth slowly poured into his eyes as he turned to lean with his shoulder against the wall, facing her. Reaching up a hand he placed it lightly on her cheek and she smiled, tilting her head and resting it against his palm.
"I love you," he said quietly. "You know I always will love you, no matter what," he added and she was about to say something when he shook his head to stop her, removing his hand. "But this isn't real. What you're feeling isn't what you're feeling, it's a... smokescreen. Something that's been created, for some reason. And I was happy for about two thirds of a second when you first said words I've been craving to hear from you for so long, Buffy. But then I realized..."
He blinked, trailing off.
Upstairs Willow hesitated for one more second as she looked at the still not completely severed page in her hands. Weighing the pros and cons of what this might mean. On the other hand, if she couldn't remember what spell she had cast on Buffy then how was she going to be able to reverse it?
She took a breath and ripped the sheet into two halves.
"Realized?" Buffy asked and then a riptied of memories surged through her mind and she almost took a step back as the accounts for two days completely erased from her memory now filed back in the split moment of a second.
Spike looked shocked, observing her with growing intensity and she understood that it was all coming back to him as well. She bit her jaws together.
"That was before Riley," he said and her eyes grew slightly. "Why did you make Willow do a forgetting spell?" he demanded and now she did take a step back. "What were those two days really about?"
She stared up at him.
"The fact of how I feel," she answered silently, "whenever I'm near you."
He almost grabbed her. He wanted to shake her. How had she thought she could take that into her hands? Make them all forget something so... Dammit! Then her words sunk in and he rested his eyes in hers, quizzical.
"What?" he asked and she took the step deviding them as she reached up her arms and carefully put them around his neck, keeping eyecontact as she answered him:
"I'm in love with you, Spike. Don't pull away from me. I've wasted enough time as it is away from you, out of your arms..."
Her gaze slid to his lips and he closed his eyes, leaning froward and kissing her. The kiss deepened and he wrapped his arms tight around her. Was this happening? Was she actually standing there telling him that she...?
The love - battled back for far too long - was almost ripping the Slayer from the inside as it now found it freed from its prison. It was flowing through her and she felt tears form in her eyes at the sensation of his mouth against hers. Everything was finally falling into place and she thought it almost impossible how the realization had struck her in the time of a second - when she had spent billions of seconds avoiding him and beating even the mere thought of falling in love with him back with clenched fists.
Willow came down the stairs and stopped at the second last step, turning on it so that she could watch the two. Clearing her throat to get their attention she fingered the two peices of the torn up forgetting spell, which she still held in one hand. The two didn't even react. And so she cleared her throat a bit louder and Buffy ended the kiss gently before pulling away from him with a small smile and turning to the Wicca.
"Sorry," the Slayer said, reaching back and grabbing a hold on Spike's arms before moving them to put them around her waist. "Was a bit wrapped up in the moment," she added wryly and Spike finally smiled, shaking his head at the extraordinary element of the whole situation and then leaning forward to softly kiss the crook of her neck.
"Yeah, that or the kissing," Willow replied and Buffy smirked, leaning her head back to rest it against his shoulder as she nodded.
"Mh, could be you're right," she sighed, clearly enjoying the vamp's oral voyage over her skin.
Willow observed them.
Of course there wouldn't be a very huge change on Spike. He seemed to be rather in touch with his true feelings toward the Slayer, and he seemed to have been so for quite some time now too; also the deal with the soul might have some effect and so Willow supposed the original spell wouldn't get to him in the same way as it obviously had Buffy.
"I need to speak with Spike alone," Willow said and Buffy sighed as he pulled away from her.
"Why?" she then inquired and Willow shrugged dismissively.
"I need to explain something," she then answered, walking ahead of the vamp up to the front door and opening it before she stepped outside.
"I'll be right back," Spike mumbled into one of Buffy's ears and she smirked, grabbing his hand as he walked passed her and making him turn back to her as she stepped up to him and grabbed the back of his head before kissing him.
"I'll be right here," she stated, letting him go slowly, and he held her gaze before he smiled and turned away from her.
He had a very bad feeling about what Willow was going to say and he wanted to savor this joy for just a few more precious moments. Drawing a small, unnecissary breath he stepped out through the front door as well, onto the porch, and then did as Willow requested and closed the door behind him.
Turning to her she eyed him seriously and he sighed.
"Out with it then," he murmured, coming up to join her on the top step of the porch.
She sat down, and he did as well - even though his movement was slightly more hesitant.
"The reason Buffy made me do the forgetting spell three years ago was that what happened between you two during those days was caused by ANOTHER spell," she said and he looked at her, wondering. "Yes, I'm to blame for that one. I was a beginner and... Well, of course you remember the all-do- my-will spell that got you and Buffy practically walking down the aisle," she added and now he smirked.
It died quickly however and he looked down at his hands as he shook his head a little.
"I'm not sure I'm following," he said.
Willow simply handed him the torn up forgetting spell and he frowned as he held the peices together and then began to read. Finishing he looked up at her again.
"What this means is that that other spell is still valid, doesn't it?" he wondered and Willow nodded.
"The spell was called True Hearts," she answered him. "And it was supposed to make two people reveal their inner thoughts and feelings... It worked."
Spike stared at her, then looked over his shoulder to the front door.
"If that's so...then she really does..." he mumbled and Willow reached out a hand to gently place it on his arm.
"Spike," she said and he nodded, as though he already anticipated what she was going to say.
"I know," he stated. "You need to lift it. And once you do..." he trailed off now. "But...does she?" he then added, looking at Willow in hope for an answer and she said:
"I need to get a hold on the book I used to cast the True Hearts spell. I need to read more about it so that I can lift it without any harm coming to either one of you."
He nodded, looking slightly disappointed that she had shied from his question and as they got to their feet she hesitated before speaking up once more.
"I believe she does," she said silently and he turned to her. "But once the spell is lifted... I was young and stupid, and I apologize for that, Spike. I wouldn't have put such a powerful spell on either one of you without knowing the consequences. Right now I'm afraid I can't tell you what those might be. Her emotions are unrestricted, and yes, true - for now, with the spell unleashing them. But..."
He nodded, making her stop talking and she looked at him empathatically.
"I understand," he said. "We just need to lift it, Willow. Find the book."
She nodded and watched him as he walked inside. Deciding to linger she sunk back down on the step.
Buffy was in love with Spike.
Willow wondered for how long it had been coming.
***
Spike walked into the hall and Buffy got off the couch in the living room to join him. He didn't look at her and she grew anxious. What was it now?
"Spike..." she said and he turned his head to meet her gaze.
His was sad and she felt a twitch of fear in the pit of her stomach at the sight of it.
"Buffy," he replied, voice low and she took another step closer, looking up at him as she faced him on arms length - wanting him to hold her again. "I can't...deal with this right now," he then stated and she stared at him, hurt rising into her eyes as he averted his gaze and walked up to the stairs to ascend them.
Then she followed.
"Do you think this is all sunshine and roses for ME?" she asked, coming up to walk beside him down the hallway. "I'm not even sure when I fell for you... I look at you and all I want to do is crawl up on your lap and have you hold me and tell me evertyhing's all right 'cause every time," she took a hold on his left arm and swung him around to face her as she continued: "EVERY time you say those words to me I believe them. When you were gone I felt more alone than I did when Angel left me, and he didn't hurt me the way you did. I wanted to hate you, Spike. That was all I wanted. And all I could feel was lost. I was so lost without you..."
He furrowed his brow, fighting the tears rising to blur his sight as she said things he wouldn't have dreamed to hear from her lips.
"Stop," he then said, shaking his head. "You're not saying this because you want to," he added, turning from her again and Buffy ignored the tears which seemed to have risen in her eyes to trail her cheeks somewhere in the middle of her pouring her heart out.
"How can you say that?" she asked, once more following him and walking after him through the door of her bedroom. "What the hell would make me say these things if I didn't mean them?"
He closed his eyes, his back to her, as he stopped by the bed.
"You may mean them," he answered. "But if you weren't under a spell you'd never tell them to me," he added, voice almost bitter though more than that it was heavy with grief and Buffy could sense it on him.
"A spell?" she asked and at that he turned partially to her.
"Buffy, you remember," he stated, but she just looked at him uncomprehending and so he turned fully to face her. "Don't you remember the spell that Willow cast on you and me? It was the reason why you wanted her to do the forgetting spell. Willow never lifted that first spell, it just stayed dorment... She ATTATCHED it to the forgetting spell, remember?"
Buffy furrowed her brow slightly as she pushed the door closed behind her.
"I don't care about all that," she then said. "It's all in the past."
Spike tilted his head a little to one side as he eyed her.
"No," he then replied. "It's not. It's right here, right now - making you tell me things you wouldn't have even considered telling me two hours ago... It's not fair to you, Buffy. And, to be honest, it's not fair to me."
"Not fair to YOU?!" she blurted, taking a step closer to him with a desbelieving expression on her face. "How is this not fair to YOU?" she then asked.
"I'll have to live with losing you!" he exclaimed. "Once the spell is lifted... Buffy, I know you. You'll get even more withdrawn than you were when I just got back here. Because you're scared to let yourself near the possibility of getting hurt again."
She took a step forward, shaking her head and he could see the anger on her.
"You won't lose me, don't you understand that? All I want is to be close to you!" she said and he moaned, closing his eyes and burying his face in his hands.
"Again," he then said, looking up at her once more as he continued: "The spell is twisting your head around."
"What the...!" she spat. "Would you stop with the whole 'spell' thing already? This is about you and me, this is about us."
He suddenly smiled.
"This is bloody incredible," he grumbled. "Since the first time I realized I love you I've been aching for this moment. I've been through seeing you with that boring wanker Captain Cardboard, I saw your stumbling attempts with the sodding half-god Ben; I've gladly taken beatings from whatever number of BigBads; I've had you hitting me, kicking me, screaming at me to leave you the hell alone and I've never for one second stopped feeling about you the way I do right now. Not even in those darkest hours, Slayer, when I wanted to kill you did I for one moment think I'd be able to actually go through with it. And all I've longed for through all this has been for you to stand before me - the way you are now - and tell me everything that you've just told me. And now here we are. And it's not real."
"Damn you!" she exclaimed, throwing herself at him and hitting him hard over the jaw with one fist.
She fought to get in another punch, but he held her easily since the heat of the moment seemed to have gotten the better of her and soon she quited down, resting her forehead agianst his chest as her arms were pinned between their torsos.
He closed his eyes, holding her and wishing they could stand there forever.
Her arms moved and slid around his waist and he realized that she was crying.
"Shh," he said soothingly. "Buffy, I'm sorry. I know it's confusing. Believe me, I've been there."
She moved her head to look up at him and then she nodded a little, her cheeks now drenched in tears and he made a sympathetic face before reaching up a hand to brush at the wetness.
"Your eyes are so blue," she mumbled and he stopped his movement to rest his gaze in hers. "They're so, so blue..."
He frowned a little wondering and then he smiled slightly, nodding slowly.
"If memory serves," he then agreed silently. "Just noticing that, eh?" he added and her eyes grew as she shook her head.
"That was one of the first things I remembered about you after the first time we met," she said and now he looked at her quizzically, and a tad amused. "That you had blonde hair and blue eyes and was... well-trained," she mumbled the last part as she seemed to grow embarrassed suddenly and he couldn't help but grin widely at that.
"Such perception," he teased and she smiled a little, looking up at him again.
They grew silent, observing each other for a few long minutes of just standing still in the others arms and then he slowly bent forward. She closed her eyes and met the gentle kiss with her lips. Parting them at the same time he parted his their tongues met and she pulled herself closer to him, moving her arms up and around his neck.
He broke away from her and she almost fell forward when he took one step back. Finding her balance she opened her eyes, disoriented, to meet his.
"I can't," he said, but she approached him slowly, reaching out a hand and sliding it up his exposed chest - the T still being torn open down the front - and he closed his eyes at the touch. "Buffy," he once more tried to protest, voice growing coarse as her fingers gently circled one nipple.
"I've missed you," she whispered, stepping closer to him and leaning into him before bending down and kissing the nipple she had just teased. "You have no idea how much."
He moaned; his hands sliding up her arms and into her hair before he pulled her face up, their lips crashing together and they deepened the kiss hungrily. She traced the abs of his stomach with her fingers before pushing him away from her and onto the bed. She followed, climbing ontop of him and straddling him before she grabbed his hands and pulled him up into a seated positon to get access to his mouth with her own. Their kissing was growing more passionate by the second and she could feel his growing arousal which spurred her on.
Grabbing a hold on her top she took her mouth from his to pull it over her head and when his lips closed around one of her nipples she gasped, throwing the top aside and groaning as she buried her hands in his blonde curls, avoiding the white square-shaped bandage that covered the wound in the back of his head where the chip once had been.
His hands moved down to the front of her pyjama bottoms and he pulled at the string, undoing the small knot and then tilting her over so that he got to be ontop. She was almost panting with anticipation and he thought he was going crazy from the sounds she was making. He wanted her so much the throbbing almost hurt and his mouth let go of her breast to wander up to her throat. His hands pushing the pyjama bottoms down and soon her hands were there to help as she eagerly got the fabric down over her hips and then began to snake her way out of them. Finally kicking them off and away from her she spread her legs and fitted him between them. He pulled away from her to look down at her.
She smiled, reaching up a hand and letting her fingers brush over his cheek before she moved her arm and pushed him so that he rolled over and she followed as they once more traded places.
The sight of her completely naked figure in all its beauty before him made him nearly choke with awe.
"God, I've missed you too," he said, voice raspy as he sat up once more, this time his lips forcefully met hers and she groaned, wrapping her arms around his neck.
His hands explored her knowingly, sliding over her hips and up her back. Down again and to her stomach to tickle her navel and she giggled with her mouth still to his before she deepened the kiss once more, her tongue playing rough games with his.
She loosened her arms and had her hands pull the destroyed T-shirt off of his shoulders and down his arms, her fingers sliding over his skin and enjoying the feel of his muscles moving seductively beneath it. Then she brought her mouth from his and let it travel down the side of his neck, kissing her way out to his shoulder before she pushed him down into a lying position.
She looked down at him, her eyes misty with the desire beating her from within and her hands moved as though by themselves to the buckle of his belt. Quickly getting it undone she pulled the belt through the loops of his pants and then she threw it aside. Her eyes resting in his as she worked up the button of the pants, pulled the zipper down and then slowly moved down his legs as her hands grabbed the fabric to pull them down and off of him. Soon enough the task was done and she stood on the floor, at his feet, with her eyes greedily eating him up.
"It's not very polite to stare," he remarked wryly, sitting up and sliding to the edge of the bed before getting to his feet.
As he stood before her she smiled slightly at his quip before she reached out a hand and let it glide up his torso.
"There was a time when you could give me one glance and I would know what real wanting of another person felt like," she murmured, taking a step into him and he bit his lower lip as he looked down at her. "I'd never felt anything like that. But now..." she trailed off, raising her gaze to his before standing on her toes to give him a kiss on the lips and then she added quietly: "Something's different."
He nodded slowly, holding her gaze and sliding his hands up her arms to grab a gentle hold on her shoulders.
"I can feel it," he murmured, leaning forward and kissing her deeply.
She slid her arms up and around his neck before jumping up and wrapping her legs around his waist. Mouth still locked with his she tried to keep down the moan as he slid into her - and he did the same; the kiss turning harsher as she clung to him and he turned to face the bed before having them fall in a heap on it. Rolling around he ended out on top and her thighs were bearing down hard on his waist as she tore her mouth from his to take a deep breath.
A louder groan rose ouf of her throat and he quited it by joining their lips again. Their bodies rocked together and Buffy thought she could actually feel the blood pumping through her veins.
Sex with him had been hardcore, animalistic, uncensored, pure and clean pleasure all the way. He had never failed her as a lover, he had always brought her to new hights. But this was something so entirelly different because the feel of him wasn't only intoxicating her every nerve - it was deep inside her. The feel of him made her close to ecstatic with pure joy at having him close to her; having him wanting her the way she wanted him.
Brutal attraction she supposed had been between them since their very first encounter, though she had simply closed her eyes to it because the thought had been too disturbing.
But now she knew that she loved him, she loved him so much the feeling seemed to be flooding her heart. And she wanted to make up for time which had been lost to them forever. She wanted to make up for what she had put him through. Pushing him, taunting him, using him until there was nothing but a broken and desperate shell of him left simply because she had been too small-minded to see the love he held for her.
This undying, self-sacrificing and boundary blowing love that he held for her.
She pulled her mouth from his and clenched her jaws together hard as the orgasm sent a shock wave of heat through her body. He was shaking, and she smiled a little as she eased her eyes open to look up at him - their movements slowing to a near stop as their gazes locked.
He shook his head, returning the smile.
"This is hopeless," he murmured and she shook her head in retort before replying:
"Nothing ever is."
Much thanks to lAURA, Anne, Bubblebuster, wendy, sita, ezba, Haley, Spuffygirl and dutchbuffy2305! You guys really made my day! It's such a boost to read your thoughts and to read that you like this! Please, keep it up - I crrraaave it! Hand on heart, I appreciate the gesture a whole lot! Thank you all!
ALSO I realized I made a rather critical error. Willow was supposed to say "I cast the spell three years ago" - not "three and a half years ago." Sorry! I hope some answers will come with this chapter... Any confusion please let me know. ;)
A.M.L, Annie.
***
"Willow!"
The loud yell from the vampire, as he came down the steps of the stairs rapidly, made the redhead rush out into the hallway from the kitchen to meet him, her eyes big and worried.
She was met by the sight of Spike with the two peices of the torn up T flapping out at his sides as he stormed towards her before stopping to face her. And then there was Buffy, who looked distraught and pleading at the same time, as she followed the vampire on his heels - trying to make him turn and face her by grabbing his arm, which he kept tearing out of her grip.
"Something's wrong," he stated to the questioning Wicca and the latter blinked, looking from the vampire to the Slayer.
"Spike," Buffy said, shaking her head. "Spike, LOOK at me!"
"No," he answered. "I'm not bloody looking at you 'til we have this straightened out."
"What?" Willow asked. "WHAT are you going to 'straighten out'?!"
"Her," Spike said, pointing a finger at Buffy who almost smiled, once more shaking her head and settling to let him speak as she crossed her arms over her chest. "SHE'S what needs to be 'straightened out'. SHE'S what's gone wrong. She just... told me something that was kinda unnerving."
Willow raised her eyebrows.
"I told you the TRUTH!" Buffy exclaimed. "I thought you'd be delirious with happiness by now!"
"Don't you bloody make this into a joke, Slayer!" he shot back, finally turning his head to her and she could see sparks of the old Spike in the anger tracing his irisis.
"I-I'm not," she stuttered in protest, looking at him and Willow's eyes grew slightly as the Slayer's face softened. "I'm just saying," she added silently.
"What you're saying is the problem," Spike replied and she pouted slightly.
"You're being mean to me. Don't you think that..."
"Don't make me gag you," he warned and she shut her mouth with another pout. "She said 'I love you'," he added, turning to Willow, whose eyes now turned very round and almost glossy.
"She-she told you what?" she asked.
"I told him," Buffy answered in Spike's stead before reaching up a hand and placing it by his chin before making him look at her again, then she finished: "I love you."
Spike broke free, taking a step from her and shaking his head at her before sputtering:
"See?! She's gone bloody bonkers in a cupple of hours! Something's off, Willow. I can feel it."
Willow suddenly looked so guilty that the Vamp narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
"You know what it is, don't you?" he asked and she hesitated before she nodded a little.
Spike tried to break down the rising disappointment and the accompanying pain at the loss of Buffy's fictional love that had been sweet for the past five minutes. So sweet that he couldn't imagine what it would be like never to hear her say that she loved him ever again. He had dared to hope... but not to believe. And now...
"This is ridiculous," Buffy interrupted his thoughts. "You're telling me I don't know how I feel?"
Spike dismissed her input as he turned his attention on Willow again.
"So, what is it? It's a spell, isn't it?" he asked and as Willow's eyes wandered out of his he didn't need a reply, he knew he had hit the jackpot with that one.
Of course. Why else would the Slayer be throwing herself at him like this? He got an attack of guilty conscience as he thought of their make-out marathon upstairs. Then again, she had made the first move and considering the circumstances she wouldn't be able to say that he had "taken advantage", would she?
"Okay," he grumbled, taking a moment to gather up the tumbling bundle of emotions inside. "I need you to tell me everything there is to this..."
"You don't remember?" Willow interrupted him.
Buffy turned her head to her friend with a questioning expression on her face, matching the one on the vampire's.
"Remember what?" the Slayer asked.
Willow stared at them and then she frowned slightly.
"I don't remember either..." she murmured. "Okay, stay here," she added, walking past the two and proceeding up the stairs. "I'll be right back," she assured, disappearing from view.
Spike leaned against the wall of the hallway. Feeling how Buffy moved closer as she leaned against it as well he turned his head to her. She smiled tryingly and he shook his head, looking away from her.
"Spike," she practically whined. "I know this is sudden, but you can't act like it doesn't mean anything to you. Please!"
He raised his eyebrows, looking back at her and warmth slowly poured into his eyes as he turned to lean with his shoulder against the wall, facing her. Reaching up a hand he placed it lightly on her cheek and she smiled, tilting her head and resting it against his palm.
"I love you," he said quietly. "You know I always will love you, no matter what," he added and she was about to say something when he shook his head to stop her, removing his hand. "But this isn't real. What you're feeling isn't what you're feeling, it's a... smokescreen. Something that's been created, for some reason. And I was happy for about two thirds of a second when you first said words I've been craving to hear from you for so long, Buffy. But then I realized..."
He blinked, trailing off.
Upstairs Willow hesitated for one more second as she looked at the still not completely severed page in her hands. Weighing the pros and cons of what this might mean. On the other hand, if she couldn't remember what spell she had cast on Buffy then how was she going to be able to reverse it?
She took a breath and ripped the sheet into two halves.
"Realized?" Buffy asked and then a riptied of memories surged through her mind and she almost took a step back as the accounts for two days completely erased from her memory now filed back in the split moment of a second.
Spike looked shocked, observing her with growing intensity and she understood that it was all coming back to him as well. She bit her jaws together.
"That was before Riley," he said and her eyes grew slightly. "Why did you make Willow do a forgetting spell?" he demanded and now she did take a step back. "What were those two days really about?"
She stared up at him.
"The fact of how I feel," she answered silently, "whenever I'm near you."
He almost grabbed her. He wanted to shake her. How had she thought she could take that into her hands? Make them all forget something so... Dammit! Then her words sunk in and he rested his eyes in hers, quizzical.
"What?" he asked and she took the step deviding them as she reached up her arms and carefully put them around his neck, keeping eyecontact as she answered him:
"I'm in love with you, Spike. Don't pull away from me. I've wasted enough time as it is away from you, out of your arms..."
Her gaze slid to his lips and he closed his eyes, leaning froward and kissing her. The kiss deepened and he wrapped his arms tight around her. Was this happening? Was she actually standing there telling him that she...?
The love - battled back for far too long - was almost ripping the Slayer from the inside as it now found it freed from its prison. It was flowing through her and she felt tears form in her eyes at the sensation of his mouth against hers. Everything was finally falling into place and she thought it almost impossible how the realization had struck her in the time of a second - when she had spent billions of seconds avoiding him and beating even the mere thought of falling in love with him back with clenched fists.
Willow came down the stairs and stopped at the second last step, turning on it so that she could watch the two. Clearing her throat to get their attention she fingered the two peices of the torn up forgetting spell, which she still held in one hand. The two didn't even react. And so she cleared her throat a bit louder and Buffy ended the kiss gently before pulling away from him with a small smile and turning to the Wicca.
"Sorry," the Slayer said, reaching back and grabbing a hold on Spike's arms before moving them to put them around her waist. "Was a bit wrapped up in the moment," she added wryly and Spike finally smiled, shaking his head at the extraordinary element of the whole situation and then leaning forward to softly kiss the crook of her neck.
"Yeah, that or the kissing," Willow replied and Buffy smirked, leaning her head back to rest it against his shoulder as she nodded.
"Mh, could be you're right," she sighed, clearly enjoying the vamp's oral voyage over her skin.
Willow observed them.
Of course there wouldn't be a very huge change on Spike. He seemed to be rather in touch with his true feelings toward the Slayer, and he seemed to have been so for quite some time now too; also the deal with the soul might have some effect and so Willow supposed the original spell wouldn't get to him in the same way as it obviously had Buffy.
"I need to speak with Spike alone," Willow said and Buffy sighed as he pulled away from her.
"Why?" she then inquired and Willow shrugged dismissively.
"I need to explain something," she then answered, walking ahead of the vamp up to the front door and opening it before she stepped outside.
"I'll be right back," Spike mumbled into one of Buffy's ears and she smirked, grabbing his hand as he walked passed her and making him turn back to her as she stepped up to him and grabbed the back of his head before kissing him.
"I'll be right here," she stated, letting him go slowly, and he held her gaze before he smiled and turned away from her.
He had a very bad feeling about what Willow was going to say and he wanted to savor this joy for just a few more precious moments. Drawing a small, unnecissary breath he stepped out through the front door as well, onto the porch, and then did as Willow requested and closed the door behind him.
Turning to her she eyed him seriously and he sighed.
"Out with it then," he murmured, coming up to join her on the top step of the porch.
She sat down, and he did as well - even though his movement was slightly more hesitant.
"The reason Buffy made me do the forgetting spell three years ago was that what happened between you two during those days was caused by ANOTHER spell," she said and he looked at her, wondering. "Yes, I'm to blame for that one. I was a beginner and... Well, of course you remember the all-do- my-will spell that got you and Buffy practically walking down the aisle," she added and now he smirked.
It died quickly however and he looked down at his hands as he shook his head a little.
"I'm not sure I'm following," he said.
Willow simply handed him the torn up forgetting spell and he frowned as he held the peices together and then began to read. Finishing he looked up at her again.
"What this means is that that other spell is still valid, doesn't it?" he wondered and Willow nodded.
"The spell was called True Hearts," she answered him. "And it was supposed to make two people reveal their inner thoughts and feelings... It worked."
Spike stared at her, then looked over his shoulder to the front door.
"If that's so...then she really does..." he mumbled and Willow reached out a hand to gently place it on his arm.
"Spike," she said and he nodded, as though he already anticipated what she was going to say.
"I know," he stated. "You need to lift it. And once you do..." he trailed off now. "But...does she?" he then added, looking at Willow in hope for an answer and she said:
"I need to get a hold on the book I used to cast the True Hearts spell. I need to read more about it so that I can lift it without any harm coming to either one of you."
He nodded, looking slightly disappointed that she had shied from his question and as they got to their feet she hesitated before speaking up once more.
"I believe she does," she said silently and he turned to her. "But once the spell is lifted... I was young and stupid, and I apologize for that, Spike. I wouldn't have put such a powerful spell on either one of you without knowing the consequences. Right now I'm afraid I can't tell you what those might be. Her emotions are unrestricted, and yes, true - for now, with the spell unleashing them. But..."
He nodded, making her stop talking and she looked at him empathatically.
"I understand," he said. "We just need to lift it, Willow. Find the book."
She nodded and watched him as he walked inside. Deciding to linger she sunk back down on the step.
Buffy was in love with Spike.
Willow wondered for how long it had been coming.
***
Spike walked into the hall and Buffy got off the couch in the living room to join him. He didn't look at her and she grew anxious. What was it now?
"Spike..." she said and he turned his head to meet her gaze.
His was sad and she felt a twitch of fear in the pit of her stomach at the sight of it.
"Buffy," he replied, voice low and she took another step closer, looking up at him as she faced him on arms length - wanting him to hold her again. "I can't...deal with this right now," he then stated and she stared at him, hurt rising into her eyes as he averted his gaze and walked up to the stairs to ascend them.
Then she followed.
"Do you think this is all sunshine and roses for ME?" she asked, coming up to walk beside him down the hallway. "I'm not even sure when I fell for you... I look at you and all I want to do is crawl up on your lap and have you hold me and tell me evertyhing's all right 'cause every time," she took a hold on his left arm and swung him around to face her as she continued: "EVERY time you say those words to me I believe them. When you were gone I felt more alone than I did when Angel left me, and he didn't hurt me the way you did. I wanted to hate you, Spike. That was all I wanted. And all I could feel was lost. I was so lost without you..."
He furrowed his brow, fighting the tears rising to blur his sight as she said things he wouldn't have dreamed to hear from her lips.
"Stop," he then said, shaking his head. "You're not saying this because you want to," he added, turning from her again and Buffy ignored the tears which seemed to have risen in her eyes to trail her cheeks somewhere in the middle of her pouring her heart out.
"How can you say that?" she asked, once more following him and walking after him through the door of her bedroom. "What the hell would make me say these things if I didn't mean them?"
He closed his eyes, his back to her, as he stopped by the bed.
"You may mean them," he answered. "But if you weren't under a spell you'd never tell them to me," he added, voice almost bitter though more than that it was heavy with grief and Buffy could sense it on him.
"A spell?" she asked and at that he turned partially to her.
"Buffy, you remember," he stated, but she just looked at him uncomprehending and so he turned fully to face her. "Don't you remember the spell that Willow cast on you and me? It was the reason why you wanted her to do the forgetting spell. Willow never lifted that first spell, it just stayed dorment... She ATTATCHED it to the forgetting spell, remember?"
Buffy furrowed her brow slightly as she pushed the door closed behind her.
"I don't care about all that," she then said. "It's all in the past."
Spike tilted his head a little to one side as he eyed her.
"No," he then replied. "It's not. It's right here, right now - making you tell me things you wouldn't have even considered telling me two hours ago... It's not fair to you, Buffy. And, to be honest, it's not fair to me."
"Not fair to YOU?!" she blurted, taking a step closer to him with a desbelieving expression on her face. "How is this not fair to YOU?" she then asked.
"I'll have to live with losing you!" he exclaimed. "Once the spell is lifted... Buffy, I know you. You'll get even more withdrawn than you were when I just got back here. Because you're scared to let yourself near the possibility of getting hurt again."
She took a step forward, shaking her head and he could see the anger on her.
"You won't lose me, don't you understand that? All I want is to be close to you!" she said and he moaned, closing his eyes and burying his face in his hands.
"Again," he then said, looking up at her once more as he continued: "The spell is twisting your head around."
"What the...!" she spat. "Would you stop with the whole 'spell' thing already? This is about you and me, this is about us."
He suddenly smiled.
"This is bloody incredible," he grumbled. "Since the first time I realized I love you I've been aching for this moment. I've been through seeing you with that boring wanker Captain Cardboard, I saw your stumbling attempts with the sodding half-god Ben; I've gladly taken beatings from whatever number of BigBads; I've had you hitting me, kicking me, screaming at me to leave you the hell alone and I've never for one second stopped feeling about you the way I do right now. Not even in those darkest hours, Slayer, when I wanted to kill you did I for one moment think I'd be able to actually go through with it. And all I've longed for through all this has been for you to stand before me - the way you are now - and tell me everything that you've just told me. And now here we are. And it's not real."
"Damn you!" she exclaimed, throwing herself at him and hitting him hard over the jaw with one fist.
She fought to get in another punch, but he held her easily since the heat of the moment seemed to have gotten the better of her and soon she quited down, resting her forehead agianst his chest as her arms were pinned between their torsos.
He closed his eyes, holding her and wishing they could stand there forever.
Her arms moved and slid around his waist and he realized that she was crying.
"Shh," he said soothingly. "Buffy, I'm sorry. I know it's confusing. Believe me, I've been there."
She moved her head to look up at him and then she nodded a little, her cheeks now drenched in tears and he made a sympathetic face before reaching up a hand to brush at the wetness.
"Your eyes are so blue," she mumbled and he stopped his movement to rest his gaze in hers. "They're so, so blue..."
He frowned a little wondering and then he smiled slightly, nodding slowly.
"If memory serves," he then agreed silently. "Just noticing that, eh?" he added and her eyes grew as she shook her head.
"That was one of the first things I remembered about you after the first time we met," she said and now he looked at her quizzically, and a tad amused. "That you had blonde hair and blue eyes and was... well-trained," she mumbled the last part as she seemed to grow embarrassed suddenly and he couldn't help but grin widely at that.
"Such perception," he teased and she smiled a little, looking up at him again.
They grew silent, observing each other for a few long minutes of just standing still in the others arms and then he slowly bent forward. She closed her eyes and met the gentle kiss with her lips. Parting them at the same time he parted his their tongues met and she pulled herself closer to him, moving her arms up and around his neck.
He broke away from her and she almost fell forward when he took one step back. Finding her balance she opened her eyes, disoriented, to meet his.
"I can't," he said, but she approached him slowly, reaching out a hand and sliding it up his exposed chest - the T still being torn open down the front - and he closed his eyes at the touch. "Buffy," he once more tried to protest, voice growing coarse as her fingers gently circled one nipple.
"I've missed you," she whispered, stepping closer to him and leaning into him before bending down and kissing the nipple she had just teased. "You have no idea how much."
He moaned; his hands sliding up her arms and into her hair before he pulled her face up, their lips crashing together and they deepened the kiss hungrily. She traced the abs of his stomach with her fingers before pushing him away from her and onto the bed. She followed, climbing ontop of him and straddling him before she grabbed his hands and pulled him up into a seated positon to get access to his mouth with her own. Their kissing was growing more passionate by the second and she could feel his growing arousal which spurred her on.
Grabbing a hold on her top she took her mouth from his to pull it over her head and when his lips closed around one of her nipples she gasped, throwing the top aside and groaning as she buried her hands in his blonde curls, avoiding the white square-shaped bandage that covered the wound in the back of his head where the chip once had been.
His hands moved down to the front of her pyjama bottoms and he pulled at the string, undoing the small knot and then tilting her over so that he got to be ontop. She was almost panting with anticipation and he thought he was going crazy from the sounds she was making. He wanted her so much the throbbing almost hurt and his mouth let go of her breast to wander up to her throat. His hands pushing the pyjama bottoms down and soon her hands were there to help as she eagerly got the fabric down over her hips and then began to snake her way out of them. Finally kicking them off and away from her she spread her legs and fitted him between them. He pulled away from her to look down at her.
She smiled, reaching up a hand and letting her fingers brush over his cheek before she moved her arm and pushed him so that he rolled over and she followed as they once more traded places.
The sight of her completely naked figure in all its beauty before him made him nearly choke with awe.
"God, I've missed you too," he said, voice raspy as he sat up once more, this time his lips forcefully met hers and she groaned, wrapping her arms around his neck.
His hands explored her knowingly, sliding over her hips and up her back. Down again and to her stomach to tickle her navel and she giggled with her mouth still to his before she deepened the kiss once more, her tongue playing rough games with his.
She loosened her arms and had her hands pull the destroyed T-shirt off of his shoulders and down his arms, her fingers sliding over his skin and enjoying the feel of his muscles moving seductively beneath it. Then she brought her mouth from his and let it travel down the side of his neck, kissing her way out to his shoulder before she pushed him down into a lying position.
She looked down at him, her eyes misty with the desire beating her from within and her hands moved as though by themselves to the buckle of his belt. Quickly getting it undone she pulled the belt through the loops of his pants and then she threw it aside. Her eyes resting in his as she worked up the button of the pants, pulled the zipper down and then slowly moved down his legs as her hands grabbed the fabric to pull them down and off of him. Soon enough the task was done and she stood on the floor, at his feet, with her eyes greedily eating him up.
"It's not very polite to stare," he remarked wryly, sitting up and sliding to the edge of the bed before getting to his feet.
As he stood before her she smiled slightly at his quip before she reached out a hand and let it glide up his torso.
"There was a time when you could give me one glance and I would know what real wanting of another person felt like," she murmured, taking a step into him and he bit his lower lip as he looked down at her. "I'd never felt anything like that. But now..." she trailed off, raising her gaze to his before standing on her toes to give him a kiss on the lips and then she added quietly: "Something's different."
He nodded slowly, holding her gaze and sliding his hands up her arms to grab a gentle hold on her shoulders.
"I can feel it," he murmured, leaning forward and kissing her deeply.
She slid her arms up and around his neck before jumping up and wrapping her legs around his waist. Mouth still locked with his she tried to keep down the moan as he slid into her - and he did the same; the kiss turning harsher as she clung to him and he turned to face the bed before having them fall in a heap on it. Rolling around he ended out on top and her thighs were bearing down hard on his waist as she tore her mouth from his to take a deep breath.
A louder groan rose ouf of her throat and he quited it by joining their lips again. Their bodies rocked together and Buffy thought she could actually feel the blood pumping through her veins.
Sex with him had been hardcore, animalistic, uncensored, pure and clean pleasure all the way. He had never failed her as a lover, he had always brought her to new hights. But this was something so entirelly different because the feel of him wasn't only intoxicating her every nerve - it was deep inside her. The feel of him made her close to ecstatic with pure joy at having him close to her; having him wanting her the way she wanted him.
Brutal attraction she supposed had been between them since their very first encounter, though she had simply closed her eyes to it because the thought had been too disturbing.
But now she knew that she loved him, she loved him so much the feeling seemed to be flooding her heart. And she wanted to make up for time which had been lost to them forever. She wanted to make up for what she had put him through. Pushing him, taunting him, using him until there was nothing but a broken and desperate shell of him left simply because she had been too small-minded to see the love he held for her.
This undying, self-sacrificing and boundary blowing love that he held for her.
She pulled her mouth from his and clenched her jaws together hard as the orgasm sent a shock wave of heat through her body. He was shaking, and she smiled a little as she eased her eyes open to look up at him - their movements slowing to a near stop as their gazes locked.
He shook his head, returning the smile.
"This is hopeless," he murmured and she shook her head in retort before replying:
"Nothing ever is."