::Cue MMX1 Intro Stage music::
::Megaman runs onscreen, followed by a green-armored female reploid bearing a distinct resemblance to him::
::flash two names, 'Megaman X', and 'Kimiko'::
::Kodora pops up::
Kodora: That's right. Selene Starblade Alternate Universe Productions brings you the fanfiction 'Light's Shade'!
::X and Kimiko keep running, joined by Zero::
Kodora (in front of scene shown): Join X, Zero, and Kimiko as they try yet again to defeat the evil Sigma once and for all. With an all new cast of supporting characters!
::The ground begins to shake, and the camera zooms out some, revealing a few other reploids following the three main heroes::
Kodora: Turk.
::camera momentarily zooms in on a large triceratops-reploid, colored red and yellow::
Kodora: Stamp Apatasaurus.
::camera zooms back out, then zooms in (slightly) onto a truly huge apatasaurus-reploid, mostly in greens and browns, the ground happens to be shaking in time to his steps::
Kodora: And, of course, the Mavericks!
::a series of Maverick Generals flash on screen, too fast to identify them::
Kodora: All this, and more, in Light's Shade! Playing now on the FF.net website!
Announcer-guy, really really fast: Light's Shade found in the Megaman subcategory, Games category on the website Fanfiction.net. All characters who are property of Capcom are used without permission, come on, it's a fanfic for crying out loud. Don't sue me. Please don't sue me. And now, back to your regularly scheduled fanfiction.
::screen goes black, there is a crash::
Megaman and Zero: Oww! My head!
**************************************************************************** *************
Passenger
Chapter 27: All Too Serious.
A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Selene Starblade
Dedicated to Megaman X and the pursuit of Jelly Doughnuts. (Don't ask.)
Disclaimer: I don't own them unless I do. And if you're not smart enough to figure out which is which, how the heck are you reading this?
Key:
= English
" " = Japanese
{ } = Chinese
[ ] = Jusenkyoo Cursed Signs
* * = Mental conversation between Ranma and Kodora
**************************************************************************** *************
Kodora walked slowly down the aisle of the gym, towards the clear area in the center. This was it. Noriko walked beside her, carrying the equipment, a towel draped across her neck, wearing a sweatsuit.
Her sisters walked three abreast behind them. Akane had a handmade flag reading 'Krdmne sm fbm lmuk.'
Kodora could forgive her the poor quality of the embroidery. The thought was everything.
Nabiki held a good-sized strongbox. She was betting everything she could spare, and handling other peoples' bets. She'd need it.
Her smallest sister appreciated the trust that she would win.
Kasumi carried nothing in her hands, no sign of support. But there was a wide, hopeful smile on her face.
It meant more to the petite martial artist than a thousand banners.
Behind the three Tendoos strode a man and a panda. Both had stoic looks on.
Kodora thought the panda's looked funny, but her adoptive father's... She could see his pride in and hope for her through it.
But in her mind was the most important thing of all.
*You can do it, sis. I know you're better than her. Just do your best, and you'll win.*
She smiled as she stepped up to the side of the ring.
*I will do my best, Ranma. But winning is not important. I will do my best, and everyone shall see whether or not that is enough. And that is all.*
Ranma sighed mentally. *You don't think you'll win?*
Kodora hopped up onto the side of the ring, grabbing the rope with both hands, feet planted on the edge of the mat.
*I don't care if I win. To me, personally, it means nothing. But everyone is counting on me to. I can see that. So I will do my best.*
* I guess it's gotta do, imootochan. I guess it's gotta do.*
Kodora slipped between the bottom two ropes, and into the ring. She walked to the center, where the referee was waiting. Her leotard was a simple green, and her tail was again tied in place around her waist like a furry belt.
Kodachi mirrored her, walking to the center of the ring. The younger Kuno had thought long and hard about this. Supposedly, this girl was really something. Too soon, though, she would learn not to play with roses.
She would win. There was no question in her mind. Noone could possibly avoid everything she had in store.
"In this corner..." The referee began, gesturing with her empty hand to the corner nearest Kodachi, "From St. Hebereke's School for Girls, the reigning champion, KUNOOOOOO KODACHIIIIIIIIII!"
There was cheering.
******
Tatewaki, sitting in the audience, muttered to himself (rather loudly), "Ah, my sister! Woe, but I cannot cheer for thee. You face my true love in battle. Yet, I cannot cheer against you. Thus, I shall simply observe! So shall it be written, so shall it be done!"
Several girls nearby began whispering.
"It's Kodachi's big brother!"
"Did you hear that!"
"Wow... What a hunk....."
Daisuke leaned over to Hiroshi.
"Ignorance is bliss, eh, 'Roshi?"
Hiroshi nodded. "At least he considers himself taken already, so they won't go totally nuts."
Several girls began offering to clean Kuno's bokken, give him their snacks, or possibly buy him some food after the match.
Hiroshi sweated. "Then again...."
******
"And in this corner..." The referee continued, switching hands, "The winner of yesterday's pre-match bout, from Furinkan High, the challenger, TENDOOOOOOOO KODORAAAAAAAA!"
The cheering was somewhat subdued, many people shooting nervous glances at Kodachi, who was glaring about the gym.
"Combatants to the center!"
Kodachi and Kodora took a step forward each, putting them in front of the referee.
"Now-" Stated the referee, taking Kodora and Kodachi by the wrists, "-shake hands."
Suddenly, Kodachi pulled her hand away and pointed behind Kodora.
"What on earth is that?"
The referee, the corners, and everyone else in the gym looked.
There was a clanking sound.
Everyone looked back at Kodachi and Kodora.
Kodora was smirking at Kodachi.
Kodachi was looking surprised. Kodora hadn't fallen for it at all. Her opponent was brighter than she looked, it seemed.
Kodachi was in the unenviable position of having just used her left hand to clamp a manacle around her very own right wrist, having not expected Kodora to pull her arm in the way.
The manacle was attatched to a chain.
The chain was attatched to....
A twenty-pound weight. (You were expecting a green rabbit, weren't you.)
The taller girl frowned, and pulled a key from the cleavage of her rose- decorated leotard, using it to unlock the manacle. She let it fall, and the manacle closed on nothing, locking again. Kodachi looked at her opponent as she threw the key from the ring. She snorted, and walked to her corner.
Kodora, still smirking, walked to hers. Reaching down, she recieved the two balls Noriko was passing to her. She straightened and turned, to face Kodachi, who held two clubs in one hand, and was swinging a rope in the other. She noted that the other girl swung the rope slowly, keeping it stiff and straight.
The announcer, at a table next to the judges, held up her microphone. "Today's event, Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics! The rules- No time limit, no bare-handed blows, the match ends when one contestant forefeits, is unconscious, or is knocked from the ring!"
******
Nabiki jumped in her seat, and took out the rulebook. She thumbed quickly to the part labeled 'winning conditions'.
Nabiki read, and began to sweat. "I wasn't expecting this....."
She looked up at the ring. "I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means....."
******
^DINGGGG!^
"ELEVEN BALLS!" Shouted Kodora, immediately flinging one, then the other, of the two she had already.
Noriko began throwing balls around Kodora in a pre-set pattern. She hoped briefly that this would work like they had planned.
**
Kodachi swatted the first two balls aside with the rope, then the next three as they came in in a loose pattern around her. The next one she had to hop, and she twisted midair to dodge the seventh. As she landed, an eighth came at her head, but she blocked it with the pins. She stopped a moment, as the barrage seemed to have ended, then jumped back.
The ninth and tenth ball smacked into each other right where Kodachi had been a moment ago, after ricocheting off of the ropes.
**
Kodora landed from her short hop. It was risky, she knew, but she had to give it a shot.
"RIBBON AND SILK!"
**
Kodachi looked forward, and things seemed to drop into slow motion. The eleventh ball, deformed by its speed, was hurtling straight towards her. She dodged to the side, swinging at it with the rope.
Life dropping out of slow-motion goes 'WHANNNNG!'
The ball soared into the air, headed well over the head of her opponent.
It was caught by a ribbon swung into the air, even as Kodachi felt something wrap around her ankle. She didn't have time to look down as Kodora's second ribbon pulled hard, yanking Kodachi's foot out from under her. The tall girl twisted around as she fell, and lashed out at the ribbon with one club. There was a soft 'spanng' sound as the spikes emerged, puncturing the ribbon.
**
Kodora was having trouble. She needed to slow the ball by spinning it, and she needed to keep Kodachi off-balance so she would have enough time to do it.
The first ribbon unwound swiftly, and the ball left in a short arc, bouncing down one aisle. Even as the ball parted with the ribbon, the second ribbon gave.
**
Kodachi tossed aside the now-bent steel-rod-disguised-as-a-rope, and caught the second club in that hand.
**
"AND WHAT AN EXCHANGE! The challenger seems to have been trying to keep the champion off-balance, and to all appearances, it's worked! But one of the challenger's two ribbons has been broken, and is no longer usable! Now it's ribbon versus clubs!"
Kodachi snarled, spiraling in towards Kodora, and dodging the smaller girl's ribbon-strikes. "You little cheat! Noone upends the Black Rose and gets away with it!"
So saying, she began striking out with the clubs.
Kodora dodged the head blows.
Then, on one strike, there was a sound.
It went 'poing'.
"Ike!" Kodora yipped, immediately falling into a backwards somersault away from Kodachi. The taller girl followed, pressing the advantage. And the secret buttons on the sides of the club handles.
**
"Referee!" Shouted Noriko, "That club has spikes!"
Kodachi let up for a moment, displaying smooth, blunt clubs for the referee's view.
The ref shrugged. "I don't see any spikes."
Noriko frowned.
**
Standing out of the roll, Kodora dropped her ribbon and leaped to one side, narrowly avoiding a pair of club-strikes.
Kodachi paused, sniffing. "You can do better than that. HOOP!"
Kodachi's corner passed her a hula hoop, which the dark-haired girl spun lazily about one upraised wrist.
Kodora frowned. "HOOP!" She caught the tool solidly in one hand.
Kodachi smirked. "Insolent girl. You have knocked me down once already. I, the Black Rose, shall PUNISH YOU!" She punctuated the statement by hopping into the air, flinging her hoop.
Even as she moved, Kodora hauled back, twisting. The small girl straightened, flinging her own hoop like a frisbee.
The two hoops met, mirror images of each other.
Then one of them split in two. Kodora paled, and hit the mat, the razor- edged hoop embedding itself in the surface a foot behind her.
Kodachi almost began laughing, but had to twist to dodge the pair of hoops now nearing her. The remains of Kodora's hoop spun lazily off over the crowd, until they were caught.
Kodora got up, sweating. "What are you trying to do, kill me?!?"
Kodachi smirked. "Would you have dodged it anyways?"
Kodora nodded warily.
"Then it is all fine."
Kodora glared. If that sort of weapon had drifted off into the crowd....
She reached out with her foot, snagging her ribbon, and transferred it to her hand.
Kodachi smirked. "So you want to play with ribbons, do you? Fine." She caught her own weapon.
**
The announcer gaped as Kodachi snagged the bell off the table.
**
"Catch!"
^And Kodachi tries a bell assault!^
Kodora ducked, and Kodachi swung the bell around again. It became an airborne object as the ribbon unwrapped from it, and flew out, hitting the small girl in the gut. Kodora went down hard.
^The judges declare a bell a legal weapon!^
Kodora cringed as she got back up. That had hurt. A lot. She snarled, baring her fangs at Kodachi. So she wanted to have a bout of object flinging, eh?
Kodachi lashed out into the audience area again.
^And the champion snags a CHAIR!!^
Kodora leaped the improvised weapon, landing on one of the posts.
Kodachi laughed as she brought the chair around again. "Ohohoho! The essence of Martial Rhythmic Gymnastics is the control of an endless supply of weapons! Can you keep up!"
Kodora lashed out with her ribbon.
^AND SHE SNAGS THE TABLE!!!! WHAT AN INNOVATION!!^
Kodachi immediately spun the chair away, reaching into the audience again.
^AND THE CHAMPION COUNTERS WITH HER OWN BROTHER!! The judges declare a brother a legal weapon.^
Kuno and table met midair, and both lost, falling to the ground, one a mess and the other unconscious. The mess stood up. "I really do not find this befitting-"
Kodachi used the ribbon to throw him at Kodora. Kuno opened his arms.
Kodora panicked, and hoped her sister would forgive her.
^ WHAT'S THIS? THE CHALLENGER RESPONDS TO A REPEAT BROTHER BEATING WITH A SISTER SWING! ^
Akane found herself flying straight at Kuno. She took the opportunity to savor the way her foot planted itself firmly in the idiot's face. Bowing, she grabbed the back of Kuno's hakama, and dragged him from the ring.
^OH MY! AND NOW THE CHAMPION IS USING A BENCH! THE CHALLENGER COUNTERS WITH ANOTHER CHAIR!^
Kodora's eyebrow twitched.
Kodachi lashed out one last time, snagging Sasuke from the rafters and flinging him at her opponent.
^ AND THE CHAMPION PULLS OUT A NINJA ASSAULT! THE CHALLENGER-^
The next girl over picked up the microphone.
^The challenger responds with haste, snagging something appropriate to the challenge.^
There was a hollow 'klonk' as the announcer and Sasuke met headfirst in the air, both falling to the mat half-conscious.
^ The judges have declared the use of an announcer valid, and awarded bonus points.^
The two noncombatants rolled off the ring. Kodachi and Kodora both hopped forward, striking back-and-forth with their ribbons in an uneven stacatto.
^This is truly a battle for the ages.^ The substitute announcer stated, excited, but not shouting like the previous one. ^What skill! Neither fighter yields a single step!^
Suddenly, Kodachi grinned, and made a blazing-fast sweep with her ribbon.
Kodora blinked, and then gaped as her own ribbon fell into shreds. She closed her mouth with an audible snap, and narrowed her eyes. She leaped backwards, backflipping across the mat to a corner.
Kodachi twirled her ribbon slowly.
"ALL THE BALLS!" Both shouted simultaneously, as Kodachi dropped her ribbon.
The girl at the microphone blinked. ^And it's a dodgeball war!^
Balls began flying into the ring at seemingly random intervals, as the seconds ran around picking them up off the floor.
Kodora was dodging the explosive balls Kodachi was throwing, avoiding the explosions, but moving so much was keeping her from mounting any reasonable counteroffense. She grimaced. It looked like she would have to take a hit to hit back.
Kodachi grinned as her opponent stopped, catching a ball on crossed forearms. She stopped throwing balls as Kodora was enveloped in a disturbingly bluish cloud. The cloud slowly cleared.
Kodachi began laughing long and hard. "OOOOO-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOO!!! The paralysis powder suits you! OOOOOO-HOHOHOHOHOHOOO!!"
Kodora lay prone on the mat, shuddering as she tried to get up.
Noriko gasped, as the judges conferred.
^ Judges have declared use of paralysis powder valid....^
Kodachi slowly walked towards her felled opponent.
"OOOOOOO-HOHOHOHOHOoooo... Now you cannot even forfeit! You are stuck until I put you out of your misery, horrid beast!"
Kodora's eyes and nostrils flared.
"Take this!" Kodachi lifted a club, and brought it down on the smaller girl's back. "And this! And this! And that!"
Kodora lay there, unable to react. Noriko was just about to throw the towel into the ring.
Then Kodachi hit Kodora's tail. Hard.
A scream of pain ripped itself free of the petite martial artist.
The other three Tendoo girls and the patriarch all cringed. Kasumi looked away.
Kodachi winced, then looked down at Kodora.
Kodora rolled over, and leveled a fierce glare at Kodachi. Slowly, she opened her mouth, and spoke, hoarsely, her eyes hard as rubies.
"You...will...pay...."
Slowly, she sat up, straining all the way.
Kodachi backed off slightly, wary.
Kodora got to her feet, reaching down behind her. She snapped the string holding her tail in place.
The audience held its breath as her tail began to lash rapidly. There was nowhere for machinery to hide. That was a real tail.
Even Kodachi stared, backing off still further.
A thin, crimson battle-aura began to form around Kodora. She turned her head to Noriko, and spoke a single word.
"CLUBS."
She caught her weapons, and began to advance on Kodachi slowly. The taller girl firmed her resolve, taking up another fallen club, to complete her own set. Kodachi sneered haughtily, holding her clubs ready.
"You think you can beat me at my own best weapon? Try all you like."
They began slowly, a steady clacking of club-on-club. Gradually, the speed began to increase. It crescendoed several times, slowing back down a little, then picking up speed again.
Kodachi sneered again as she held position against Kodora's assault. "This is all you have? Then prepare to lose, demon. Face the secret technique of the Kuno clan! SENJU KONBO!" (one-hundred-ten clubs)
Kodachi's arms blurred as she struck out at her smaller opponent.
^Amazing! It looks like the champion is using twenty clubs, her hands are moving so fast!^
Kodora winced at a few blows, then took a breath herself. Her aura flickered.
"SEIGENSAKUDOKONBO!" ( Speed Limit Club)
The announcer gaped.
^But the challenger counters, and moves even faster!^
Kodora held her assault firm as she advanced, pressing Kodachi back towards the ropes. Clubs began to fall from the blurs, as Kodachi dropped one, then another, then another club.
Soon, a trail of twenty clubs littered the mat. With one last strike, Kodora swung an uppercut, putting her whole body behind the club. Kodachi sailed into the air, stunned.
^It looks like this is it! The champion is flying from the ring!^
Kodora wobbled unsteadily on her feet, but watched to be sure Kodachi would go down.
Mid-arc, the taller girl shook herself out of the stun, and pulled out a whistle. She blew.
Kodora fell, and tumbled to the other edge of the mat as the entire ring moved. She managed to grip the mat to keep from falling off.
Kodachi tumbled mid-air and landed on her feet. "OOOHOHOHOHO!" she ooohohohoho'ed. "'Out' is an impossibility for me!"
Kodora bared her teeth in a silent snarl, drawing a deep breath. This would take all she had. With a howl of effort, she pounded across the mat towards Kodachi. The offbeat gymnast laughed, grabbing up her own club.
Kodora flung her arms wide, leaning forward, pushing with everything she had left.
Kodachi threw her club.
Kodora's aura flared.
"RENSHA DONKI HASAMI HA!!!" (Rapidfire Blunt Scissors Wave)
There were seven beats.
One- Kodora's clubs smashed together on Kodachi's club, shattering it, then continued so her arms were crossed over her chest, clubs out to either side.
Two- her hands swung forward, smashing the clubs into Kodachi's shoulders. The right-hand club bounced up, the left-hand club went over Kodora's right arm, then down.
Three- the right club came down on Kodachi's head, bouncing out wide to the right.
Four- the left club came up, bashing the tall girl in the chin, and bouncing wide to the left.
Five- both arms wheeled, slamming the clubs down on the tops of Kodachi's shoulders.
Six- the wheels continued, striking downwards on Kodachi's shoulders again as Kodora crouched.
Seven- Kodora brought the clubs up in a unified uppercut blow into Kodachi's gut, lifting both of them off the mat, Kodora a few inches, Kodachi sailing into the air again, more outwards into the audience than upwards.
Kodora fell to her knees, aura dissipating. She stared with a dead expression as Kodachi desperately grabbed at the top rope.
And missed.
And sailed into the aisle, landing roughly.
^ And the winner is KODORA TENDO!^
The new champion of martial arts rhythmic gymnastics fell over, unconscious.
**************************************************************************** *************
Well. All too serious, yes?
We will return you to your regularly scheduled silliness next episode with- the return of Ryoga!
The appearance of Mikado and Azusa!
Ice skating!
Charlotte!
Fishcakes!
More plugola!
And, to cap this one off, since there's not much fun in this chapter, a joke!
Okay, there's this guy, right? And he's having trouble sleeping, because he has these strange recurring dreams. So he goes to his psych. The shrink asks what the problem is.
"I'm having repeating dreams that keep me from sleeping." Answers the man.
"Vhat khind off drreams?" Asks the shrink.
"Well, in the first one, I'm a wigwam, and there are people living in me. It's disturbing, and feels very invasive."
"Ah. I zee. And vhat iss the ssecond drream?"
"It's a lot like the first. I dream that I'm a teepee, and more people are living in me. Did you know that there isn't a single part of the buffalo they don't use?"
"Aha! I know vhat your prrroblem ist."
So the man asks. "What is it, doc? What's giving me so much trouble?"
And the doctor simply replies. "You'rrre two tents."
Ahahahaha. Hilarious, huh?
::ducks thrown fruit:: Okay, okay! I'm done already!
Till next time! Ja ne!
"Doctor, ev'ry night I have the strangest dreams!
Doctor, listen to me, tell me what this means!
First, I'm goin' shoppin' in my- underwear!
Then, all of a sudden, I'm floating in midair!
My lips fall off, and ev'rybody starts to stare!
Doughnuts and hotdogs are flyin' ev'rywhere!
Now, Doctor, wait a minnit, you ain't heard nothin' yet!
Next comes the part that I won't ever forget!
Now, I'm bein' followed by these- russian spies!
They give me some Velcro and an order of fries!
SU-ddenly I'm bowling on the starship Enterprise!
I fall down a hole and that's when I realize I'm-
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
Night after night after night after night! All right!
Doctor, won'tcha tell me, am I goin' insane?
Was it somethin' I ate, is somethin' wrong with my brain?
See, I'm naked in church, when I meet a dinosaur!
Try to run, but my feet have been nailed to the floor!
Then a midget pushes me through a revolving door!
And I'm back in the very same place I was before!
Now I'm-
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
Night after night after night after night!
And I can't bust out and I can't break free!
And it's gettin' just a little too stuffy here for me!
And I can't go home, and I can't get loose!
And I try to escape, but it's just no use!
And I can't ever leave and I can't ever win!
And we're runnin' outta air and the walls're closin' in!
And I can't go back, and I can't get through!
But, Vanna, since you're here-
Why don'tcha let me by a vowel from you?
(Insert Guitar Solo Here)
Doctor, all those crazy dreams have started again!
THAT'S RIGHT! I even wake up screamin' now and then!
See, I'm comin' home from work, but I forgot my address!
I'm half an hour late for my algebra test!
THEN some slimy alien jumps outta my chest!
And I'm fallin' and fallin' and I guess you know the rest, I'm-
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
Night after night after night after night! All-
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
N-n-n-night after night after night! Night! Night!
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
Night after night after night after night! All right!"
-'Stuck in a closet with Vanna White, Wierd Al Yankovic
::Megaman runs onscreen, followed by a green-armored female reploid bearing a distinct resemblance to him::
::flash two names, 'Megaman X', and 'Kimiko'::
::Kodora pops up::
Kodora: That's right. Selene Starblade Alternate Universe Productions brings you the fanfiction 'Light's Shade'!
::X and Kimiko keep running, joined by Zero::
Kodora (in front of scene shown): Join X, Zero, and Kimiko as they try yet again to defeat the evil Sigma once and for all. With an all new cast of supporting characters!
::The ground begins to shake, and the camera zooms out some, revealing a few other reploids following the three main heroes::
Kodora: Turk.
::camera momentarily zooms in on a large triceratops-reploid, colored red and yellow::
Kodora: Stamp Apatasaurus.
::camera zooms back out, then zooms in (slightly) onto a truly huge apatasaurus-reploid, mostly in greens and browns, the ground happens to be shaking in time to his steps::
Kodora: And, of course, the Mavericks!
::a series of Maverick Generals flash on screen, too fast to identify them::
Kodora: All this, and more, in Light's Shade! Playing now on the FF.net website!
Announcer-guy, really really fast: Light's Shade found in the Megaman subcategory, Games category on the website Fanfiction.net. All characters who are property of Capcom are used without permission, come on, it's a fanfic for crying out loud. Don't sue me. Please don't sue me. And now, back to your regularly scheduled fanfiction.
::screen goes black, there is a crash::
Megaman and Zero: Oww! My head!
**************************************************************************** *************
Passenger
Chapter 27: All Too Serious.
A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Selene Starblade
Dedicated to Megaman X and the pursuit of Jelly Doughnuts. (Don't ask.)
Disclaimer: I don't own them unless I do. And if you're not smart enough to figure out which is which, how the heck are you reading this?
Key:
= English
" " = Japanese
{ } = Chinese
[ ] = Jusenkyoo Cursed Signs
* * = Mental conversation between Ranma and Kodora
**************************************************************************** *************
Kodora walked slowly down the aisle of the gym, towards the clear area in the center. This was it. Noriko walked beside her, carrying the equipment, a towel draped across her neck, wearing a sweatsuit.
Her sisters walked three abreast behind them. Akane had a handmade flag reading 'Krdmne sm fbm lmuk.'
Kodora could forgive her the poor quality of the embroidery. The thought was everything.
Nabiki held a good-sized strongbox. She was betting everything she could spare, and handling other peoples' bets. She'd need it.
Her smallest sister appreciated the trust that she would win.
Kasumi carried nothing in her hands, no sign of support. But there was a wide, hopeful smile on her face.
It meant more to the petite martial artist than a thousand banners.
Behind the three Tendoos strode a man and a panda. Both had stoic looks on.
Kodora thought the panda's looked funny, but her adoptive father's... She could see his pride in and hope for her through it.
But in her mind was the most important thing of all.
*You can do it, sis. I know you're better than her. Just do your best, and you'll win.*
She smiled as she stepped up to the side of the ring.
*I will do my best, Ranma. But winning is not important. I will do my best, and everyone shall see whether or not that is enough. And that is all.*
Ranma sighed mentally. *You don't think you'll win?*
Kodora hopped up onto the side of the ring, grabbing the rope with both hands, feet planted on the edge of the mat.
*I don't care if I win. To me, personally, it means nothing. But everyone is counting on me to. I can see that. So I will do my best.*
* I guess it's gotta do, imootochan. I guess it's gotta do.*
Kodora slipped between the bottom two ropes, and into the ring. She walked to the center, where the referee was waiting. Her leotard was a simple green, and her tail was again tied in place around her waist like a furry belt.
Kodachi mirrored her, walking to the center of the ring. The younger Kuno had thought long and hard about this. Supposedly, this girl was really something. Too soon, though, she would learn not to play with roses.
She would win. There was no question in her mind. Noone could possibly avoid everything she had in store.
"In this corner..." The referee began, gesturing with her empty hand to the corner nearest Kodachi, "From St. Hebereke's School for Girls, the reigning champion, KUNOOOOOO KODACHIIIIIIIIII!"
There was cheering.
******
Tatewaki, sitting in the audience, muttered to himself (rather loudly), "Ah, my sister! Woe, but I cannot cheer for thee. You face my true love in battle. Yet, I cannot cheer against you. Thus, I shall simply observe! So shall it be written, so shall it be done!"
Several girls nearby began whispering.
"It's Kodachi's big brother!"
"Did you hear that!"
"Wow... What a hunk....."
Daisuke leaned over to Hiroshi.
"Ignorance is bliss, eh, 'Roshi?"
Hiroshi nodded. "At least he considers himself taken already, so they won't go totally nuts."
Several girls began offering to clean Kuno's bokken, give him their snacks, or possibly buy him some food after the match.
Hiroshi sweated. "Then again...."
******
"And in this corner..." The referee continued, switching hands, "The winner of yesterday's pre-match bout, from Furinkan High, the challenger, TENDOOOOOOOO KODORAAAAAAAA!"
The cheering was somewhat subdued, many people shooting nervous glances at Kodachi, who was glaring about the gym.
"Combatants to the center!"
Kodachi and Kodora took a step forward each, putting them in front of the referee.
"Now-" Stated the referee, taking Kodora and Kodachi by the wrists, "-shake hands."
Suddenly, Kodachi pulled her hand away and pointed behind Kodora.
"What on earth is that?"
The referee, the corners, and everyone else in the gym looked.
There was a clanking sound.
Everyone looked back at Kodachi and Kodora.
Kodora was smirking at Kodachi.
Kodachi was looking surprised. Kodora hadn't fallen for it at all. Her opponent was brighter than she looked, it seemed.
Kodachi was in the unenviable position of having just used her left hand to clamp a manacle around her very own right wrist, having not expected Kodora to pull her arm in the way.
The manacle was attatched to a chain.
The chain was attatched to....
A twenty-pound weight. (You were expecting a green rabbit, weren't you.)
The taller girl frowned, and pulled a key from the cleavage of her rose- decorated leotard, using it to unlock the manacle. She let it fall, and the manacle closed on nothing, locking again. Kodachi looked at her opponent as she threw the key from the ring. She snorted, and walked to her corner.
Kodora, still smirking, walked to hers. Reaching down, she recieved the two balls Noriko was passing to her. She straightened and turned, to face Kodachi, who held two clubs in one hand, and was swinging a rope in the other. She noted that the other girl swung the rope slowly, keeping it stiff and straight.
The announcer, at a table next to the judges, held up her microphone. "Today's event, Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics! The rules- No time limit, no bare-handed blows, the match ends when one contestant forefeits, is unconscious, or is knocked from the ring!"
******
Nabiki jumped in her seat, and took out the rulebook. She thumbed quickly to the part labeled 'winning conditions'.
Nabiki read, and began to sweat. "I wasn't expecting this....."
She looked up at the ring. "I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means....."
******
^DINGGGG!^
"ELEVEN BALLS!" Shouted Kodora, immediately flinging one, then the other, of the two she had already.
Noriko began throwing balls around Kodora in a pre-set pattern. She hoped briefly that this would work like they had planned.
**
Kodachi swatted the first two balls aside with the rope, then the next three as they came in in a loose pattern around her. The next one she had to hop, and she twisted midair to dodge the seventh. As she landed, an eighth came at her head, but she blocked it with the pins. She stopped a moment, as the barrage seemed to have ended, then jumped back.
The ninth and tenth ball smacked into each other right where Kodachi had been a moment ago, after ricocheting off of the ropes.
**
Kodora landed from her short hop. It was risky, she knew, but she had to give it a shot.
"RIBBON AND SILK!"
**
Kodachi looked forward, and things seemed to drop into slow motion. The eleventh ball, deformed by its speed, was hurtling straight towards her. She dodged to the side, swinging at it with the rope.
Life dropping out of slow-motion goes 'WHANNNNG!'
The ball soared into the air, headed well over the head of her opponent.
It was caught by a ribbon swung into the air, even as Kodachi felt something wrap around her ankle. She didn't have time to look down as Kodora's second ribbon pulled hard, yanking Kodachi's foot out from under her. The tall girl twisted around as she fell, and lashed out at the ribbon with one club. There was a soft 'spanng' sound as the spikes emerged, puncturing the ribbon.
**
Kodora was having trouble. She needed to slow the ball by spinning it, and she needed to keep Kodachi off-balance so she would have enough time to do it.
The first ribbon unwound swiftly, and the ball left in a short arc, bouncing down one aisle. Even as the ball parted with the ribbon, the second ribbon gave.
**
Kodachi tossed aside the now-bent steel-rod-disguised-as-a-rope, and caught the second club in that hand.
**
"AND WHAT AN EXCHANGE! The challenger seems to have been trying to keep the champion off-balance, and to all appearances, it's worked! But one of the challenger's two ribbons has been broken, and is no longer usable! Now it's ribbon versus clubs!"
Kodachi snarled, spiraling in towards Kodora, and dodging the smaller girl's ribbon-strikes. "You little cheat! Noone upends the Black Rose and gets away with it!"
So saying, she began striking out with the clubs.
Kodora dodged the head blows.
Then, on one strike, there was a sound.
It went 'poing'.
"Ike!" Kodora yipped, immediately falling into a backwards somersault away from Kodachi. The taller girl followed, pressing the advantage. And the secret buttons on the sides of the club handles.
**
"Referee!" Shouted Noriko, "That club has spikes!"
Kodachi let up for a moment, displaying smooth, blunt clubs for the referee's view.
The ref shrugged. "I don't see any spikes."
Noriko frowned.
**
Standing out of the roll, Kodora dropped her ribbon and leaped to one side, narrowly avoiding a pair of club-strikes.
Kodachi paused, sniffing. "You can do better than that. HOOP!"
Kodachi's corner passed her a hula hoop, which the dark-haired girl spun lazily about one upraised wrist.
Kodora frowned. "HOOP!" She caught the tool solidly in one hand.
Kodachi smirked. "Insolent girl. You have knocked me down once already. I, the Black Rose, shall PUNISH YOU!" She punctuated the statement by hopping into the air, flinging her hoop.
Even as she moved, Kodora hauled back, twisting. The small girl straightened, flinging her own hoop like a frisbee.
The two hoops met, mirror images of each other.
Then one of them split in two. Kodora paled, and hit the mat, the razor- edged hoop embedding itself in the surface a foot behind her.
Kodachi almost began laughing, but had to twist to dodge the pair of hoops now nearing her. The remains of Kodora's hoop spun lazily off over the crowd, until they were caught.
Kodora got up, sweating. "What are you trying to do, kill me?!?"
Kodachi smirked. "Would you have dodged it anyways?"
Kodora nodded warily.
"Then it is all fine."
Kodora glared. If that sort of weapon had drifted off into the crowd....
She reached out with her foot, snagging her ribbon, and transferred it to her hand.
Kodachi smirked. "So you want to play with ribbons, do you? Fine." She caught her own weapon.
**
The announcer gaped as Kodachi snagged the bell off the table.
**
"Catch!"
^And Kodachi tries a bell assault!^
Kodora ducked, and Kodachi swung the bell around again. It became an airborne object as the ribbon unwrapped from it, and flew out, hitting the small girl in the gut. Kodora went down hard.
^The judges declare a bell a legal weapon!^
Kodora cringed as she got back up. That had hurt. A lot. She snarled, baring her fangs at Kodachi. So she wanted to have a bout of object flinging, eh?
Kodachi lashed out into the audience area again.
^And the champion snags a CHAIR!!^
Kodora leaped the improvised weapon, landing on one of the posts.
Kodachi laughed as she brought the chair around again. "Ohohoho! The essence of Martial Rhythmic Gymnastics is the control of an endless supply of weapons! Can you keep up!"
Kodora lashed out with her ribbon.
^AND SHE SNAGS THE TABLE!!!! WHAT AN INNOVATION!!^
Kodachi immediately spun the chair away, reaching into the audience again.
^AND THE CHAMPION COUNTERS WITH HER OWN BROTHER!! The judges declare a brother a legal weapon.^
Kuno and table met midair, and both lost, falling to the ground, one a mess and the other unconscious. The mess stood up. "I really do not find this befitting-"
Kodachi used the ribbon to throw him at Kodora. Kuno opened his arms.
Kodora panicked, and hoped her sister would forgive her.
^ WHAT'S THIS? THE CHALLENGER RESPONDS TO A REPEAT BROTHER BEATING WITH A SISTER SWING! ^
Akane found herself flying straight at Kuno. She took the opportunity to savor the way her foot planted itself firmly in the idiot's face. Bowing, she grabbed the back of Kuno's hakama, and dragged him from the ring.
^OH MY! AND NOW THE CHAMPION IS USING A BENCH! THE CHALLENGER COUNTERS WITH ANOTHER CHAIR!^
Kodora's eyebrow twitched.
Kodachi lashed out one last time, snagging Sasuke from the rafters and flinging him at her opponent.
^ AND THE CHAMPION PULLS OUT A NINJA ASSAULT! THE CHALLENGER-^
The next girl over picked up the microphone.
^The challenger responds with haste, snagging something appropriate to the challenge.^
There was a hollow 'klonk' as the announcer and Sasuke met headfirst in the air, both falling to the mat half-conscious.
^ The judges have declared the use of an announcer valid, and awarded bonus points.^
The two noncombatants rolled off the ring. Kodachi and Kodora both hopped forward, striking back-and-forth with their ribbons in an uneven stacatto.
^This is truly a battle for the ages.^ The substitute announcer stated, excited, but not shouting like the previous one. ^What skill! Neither fighter yields a single step!^
Suddenly, Kodachi grinned, and made a blazing-fast sweep with her ribbon.
Kodora blinked, and then gaped as her own ribbon fell into shreds. She closed her mouth with an audible snap, and narrowed her eyes. She leaped backwards, backflipping across the mat to a corner.
Kodachi twirled her ribbon slowly.
"ALL THE BALLS!" Both shouted simultaneously, as Kodachi dropped her ribbon.
The girl at the microphone blinked. ^And it's a dodgeball war!^
Balls began flying into the ring at seemingly random intervals, as the seconds ran around picking them up off the floor.
Kodora was dodging the explosive balls Kodachi was throwing, avoiding the explosions, but moving so much was keeping her from mounting any reasonable counteroffense. She grimaced. It looked like she would have to take a hit to hit back.
Kodachi grinned as her opponent stopped, catching a ball on crossed forearms. She stopped throwing balls as Kodora was enveloped in a disturbingly bluish cloud. The cloud slowly cleared.
Kodachi began laughing long and hard. "OOOOO-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOO!!! The paralysis powder suits you! OOOOOO-HOHOHOHOHOHOOO!!"
Kodora lay prone on the mat, shuddering as she tried to get up.
Noriko gasped, as the judges conferred.
^ Judges have declared use of paralysis powder valid....^
Kodachi slowly walked towards her felled opponent.
"OOOOOOO-HOHOHOHOHOoooo... Now you cannot even forfeit! You are stuck until I put you out of your misery, horrid beast!"
Kodora's eyes and nostrils flared.
"Take this!" Kodachi lifted a club, and brought it down on the smaller girl's back. "And this! And this! And that!"
Kodora lay there, unable to react. Noriko was just about to throw the towel into the ring.
Then Kodachi hit Kodora's tail. Hard.
A scream of pain ripped itself free of the petite martial artist.
The other three Tendoo girls and the patriarch all cringed. Kasumi looked away.
Kodachi winced, then looked down at Kodora.
Kodora rolled over, and leveled a fierce glare at Kodachi. Slowly, she opened her mouth, and spoke, hoarsely, her eyes hard as rubies.
"You...will...pay...."
Slowly, she sat up, straining all the way.
Kodachi backed off slightly, wary.
Kodora got to her feet, reaching down behind her. She snapped the string holding her tail in place.
The audience held its breath as her tail began to lash rapidly. There was nowhere for machinery to hide. That was a real tail.
Even Kodachi stared, backing off still further.
A thin, crimson battle-aura began to form around Kodora. She turned her head to Noriko, and spoke a single word.
"CLUBS."
She caught her weapons, and began to advance on Kodachi slowly. The taller girl firmed her resolve, taking up another fallen club, to complete her own set. Kodachi sneered haughtily, holding her clubs ready.
"You think you can beat me at my own best weapon? Try all you like."
They began slowly, a steady clacking of club-on-club. Gradually, the speed began to increase. It crescendoed several times, slowing back down a little, then picking up speed again.
Kodachi sneered again as she held position against Kodora's assault. "This is all you have? Then prepare to lose, demon. Face the secret technique of the Kuno clan! SENJU KONBO!" (one-hundred-ten clubs)
Kodachi's arms blurred as she struck out at her smaller opponent.
^Amazing! It looks like the champion is using twenty clubs, her hands are moving so fast!^
Kodora winced at a few blows, then took a breath herself. Her aura flickered.
"SEIGENSAKUDOKONBO!" ( Speed Limit Club)
The announcer gaped.
^But the challenger counters, and moves even faster!^
Kodora held her assault firm as she advanced, pressing Kodachi back towards the ropes. Clubs began to fall from the blurs, as Kodachi dropped one, then another, then another club.
Soon, a trail of twenty clubs littered the mat. With one last strike, Kodora swung an uppercut, putting her whole body behind the club. Kodachi sailed into the air, stunned.
^It looks like this is it! The champion is flying from the ring!^
Kodora wobbled unsteadily on her feet, but watched to be sure Kodachi would go down.
Mid-arc, the taller girl shook herself out of the stun, and pulled out a whistle. She blew.
Kodora fell, and tumbled to the other edge of the mat as the entire ring moved. She managed to grip the mat to keep from falling off.
Kodachi tumbled mid-air and landed on her feet. "OOOHOHOHOHO!" she ooohohohoho'ed. "'Out' is an impossibility for me!"
Kodora bared her teeth in a silent snarl, drawing a deep breath. This would take all she had. With a howl of effort, she pounded across the mat towards Kodachi. The offbeat gymnast laughed, grabbing up her own club.
Kodora flung her arms wide, leaning forward, pushing with everything she had left.
Kodachi threw her club.
Kodora's aura flared.
"RENSHA DONKI HASAMI HA!!!" (Rapidfire Blunt Scissors Wave)
There were seven beats.
One- Kodora's clubs smashed together on Kodachi's club, shattering it, then continued so her arms were crossed over her chest, clubs out to either side.
Two- her hands swung forward, smashing the clubs into Kodachi's shoulders. The right-hand club bounced up, the left-hand club went over Kodora's right arm, then down.
Three- the right club came down on Kodachi's head, bouncing out wide to the right.
Four- the left club came up, bashing the tall girl in the chin, and bouncing wide to the left.
Five- both arms wheeled, slamming the clubs down on the tops of Kodachi's shoulders.
Six- the wheels continued, striking downwards on Kodachi's shoulders again as Kodora crouched.
Seven- Kodora brought the clubs up in a unified uppercut blow into Kodachi's gut, lifting both of them off the mat, Kodora a few inches, Kodachi sailing into the air again, more outwards into the audience than upwards.
Kodora fell to her knees, aura dissipating. She stared with a dead expression as Kodachi desperately grabbed at the top rope.
And missed.
And sailed into the aisle, landing roughly.
^ And the winner is KODORA TENDO!^
The new champion of martial arts rhythmic gymnastics fell over, unconscious.
**************************************************************************** *************
Well. All too serious, yes?
We will return you to your regularly scheduled silliness next episode with- the return of Ryoga!
The appearance of Mikado and Azusa!
Ice skating!
Charlotte!
Fishcakes!
More plugola!
And, to cap this one off, since there's not much fun in this chapter, a joke!
Okay, there's this guy, right? And he's having trouble sleeping, because he has these strange recurring dreams. So he goes to his psych. The shrink asks what the problem is.
"I'm having repeating dreams that keep me from sleeping." Answers the man.
"Vhat khind off drreams?" Asks the shrink.
"Well, in the first one, I'm a wigwam, and there are people living in me. It's disturbing, and feels very invasive."
"Ah. I zee. And vhat iss the ssecond drream?"
"It's a lot like the first. I dream that I'm a teepee, and more people are living in me. Did you know that there isn't a single part of the buffalo they don't use?"
"Aha! I know vhat your prrroblem ist."
So the man asks. "What is it, doc? What's giving me so much trouble?"
And the doctor simply replies. "You'rrre two tents."
Ahahahaha. Hilarious, huh?
::ducks thrown fruit:: Okay, okay! I'm done already!
Till next time! Ja ne!
"Doctor, ev'ry night I have the strangest dreams!
Doctor, listen to me, tell me what this means!
First, I'm goin' shoppin' in my- underwear!
Then, all of a sudden, I'm floating in midair!
My lips fall off, and ev'rybody starts to stare!
Doughnuts and hotdogs are flyin' ev'rywhere!
Now, Doctor, wait a minnit, you ain't heard nothin' yet!
Next comes the part that I won't ever forget!
Now, I'm bein' followed by these- russian spies!
They give me some Velcro and an order of fries!
SU-ddenly I'm bowling on the starship Enterprise!
I fall down a hole and that's when I realize I'm-
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
Night after night after night after night! All right!
Doctor, won'tcha tell me, am I goin' insane?
Was it somethin' I ate, is somethin' wrong with my brain?
See, I'm naked in church, when I meet a dinosaur!
Try to run, but my feet have been nailed to the floor!
Then a midget pushes me through a revolving door!
And I'm back in the very same place I was before!
Now I'm-
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
Night after night after night after night!
And I can't bust out and I can't break free!
And it's gettin' just a little too stuffy here for me!
And I can't go home, and I can't get loose!
And I try to escape, but it's just no use!
And I can't ever leave and I can't ever win!
And we're runnin' outta air and the walls're closin' in!
And I can't go back, and I can't get through!
But, Vanna, since you're here-
Why don'tcha let me by a vowel from you?
(Insert Guitar Solo Here)
Doctor, all those crazy dreams have started again!
THAT'S RIGHT! I even wake up screamin' now and then!
See, I'm comin' home from work, but I forgot my address!
I'm half an hour late for my algebra test!
THEN some slimy alien jumps outta my chest!
And I'm fallin' and fallin' and I guess you know the rest, I'm-
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
Night after night after night after night! All-
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
N-n-n-night after night after night! Night! Night!
Stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
I'm stuck in a closet with Vanna White!
Night after night after night after night! All right!"
-'Stuck in a closet with Vanna White, Wierd Al Yankovic