Title: Shadows Of The Past
Author: Kathryn
Summary: Six years ago Jess had broken up with her, and Rory had always wondered what went wrong. Now, on the eve of Luke and Lorelai's wedding, he returns to town, and Rory must piece together exactly why he left, while being drawn to him through mysterious circumstances. Will the two of them find their way back to each other?
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, because if I did, Jess would obviously be getting a lot more screen time. ;)
Authors Note: Well, if you couldn't already guess, this fic takes place in the future. Everything will be explained, so just read on. Oh, and leaving a review would be nice as well, keeps me motivated!
~*~
Rory had been wrong when she thought Jess hadn't noticed her. She had been the first thing he had seen upon entering the yard; her hair long and swept back from her face, her cheeks rosy and her skin fair and creamy white. His heart sped up a little bit then, when he saw her, and he had to fight to keep hold of his emotions. How had she, after all these years, managed to stay so beautiful? So perfect? The years had only added to her beauty and made his desire for her intensify.
He stood beside Luke and watched as Lorelai came down the aisle towards her awaiting groom, although his mind was already on other matters. Seeing Rory for the first time, in god knows how long, had really jolted. He hadn't expected to have this kind of reaction, not really. Although he had been anticipating his return to Stars Hollow since Luke had called and invited him to the wedding, the full reality hadn't set in until now. Here she was, in the flesh, and he could barely keep his emotions in check. Not a good thing for someone who was trying to keep his distance.
His eyes never left her face as Luke and Lorelai began to exchange vows. He could tell she was avoiding eye contact, but every few seconds she would peak over, and then quickly snap her head away. He knew that he was making her uncomfortable, although he didn't know what to do to ease the awkwardness. What COULD he do? Stop looking away? Stop starring at her? Leave altogether? He couldn't very well do that; it was his uncle's wedding, after all. But there had to be a way to ease the discomfort, there just had to. He used to know her so well. but now he didn't have a clue.
~*~
Flashback: Five years ago.
It was a hazy summer night, and Rory lay in the crook of his arm, resting her head on the back of her shoulder. Outside on the back porch, all was quiet; the only sound to be heard was their faint breathing. Jess felt relaxed, more relaxed than he had in years. How had it become this natural to be with someone? He let out a contented sigh as his thumb playfully inched along the corner of her forehead; fingering the fine threads of brown hair that had come loose from her ponytail.
"Mmmm?" she murmured, still half asleep. "What?"
"Nothing," Jess said, his fingers brushing her neck as his other arm tightened around her in a protective grip. "I just like watching you sleep."
She raised her head and looked up into his brown eyes, smiling to herself when she saw the hint of a smile trace his face. "So did I do anything interesting while I was asleep?"
"You recited the entire Latin alphabet," he joked. "But other than that, not really."
"Interesting," she said, shifting from where she sat on his lap so she could get a better view of his face. "I never would have guessed that I knew Latin, but thanks for the tip."
They sat in silence for a few moments, just enjoying each other's presence. Rory leaned back fully; stretching out against him. She clasped his hand in his, entwining their fingers.
"This is nice," she said softly, her voice tired. A yawn escaped her mouth, and she snuggled deeper into his embrace, her eyes drifting half shut.
Looking down at her, he nodded. "Yeah, it is."
She would never know just how much he meant that.
~*~
Had he been watching her? She was really beginning to suspect that he had been. Despite her promise to herself to stop looking at Jess every two seconds, she found herself sneaking a peak at him out of the corner of her eye every now and then.
And one time, she had caught him looking right at her, his eyes full of something she couldn't quite figure out. Longing? Regret? Lust? Hate? Any one of those words could have fit. Jess was a tricky one to figure out, always had been. It was one of the reasons she had been drawn to him in the first place, but now it was driving her nuts. She wished she knew what he was thinking, so she could finally put her mind at ease. If he hated her, and wanted nothing more to do with her, then she could end these silly fantasies she was concocting in her mind. She could finally put the past to rest, where it belonged.
But if he wanted her. what then? Would she just willingly go back to him, even after he had treated her so poorly? She didn't like to think about that.
She was her own person now, and nobody could control her. That included Jess. If he wanted her back, well. too bad.
Watching Luke and Lorelai exchange their vows, she felt a tremor of sadness wash over her. She always got like that whenever she attended weddings, and since this was her mother's, it made all that much more of an impact.
Long ago, when she was young and carefree and still had big hopes, she used to think about her wedding. What her dress would be like, how big the cake would be; silly little things like that. But the one thing that would stick out in her mind would be the groom; his smiling face descending down on her, his eyes twinkling and full of love. She imagined their wedding to be the start of something, their new life together.
As silly as it sounded, Jess had been the person she expected to spend the rest of her life with. Silly, deluded fantasies of a teenage girl with dreams that could never be, she realized that now. In reality, life wasn't always that simple. There were bumps and curbs on the road that, sometimes, people just couldn't get past.
She knew this from first hand experience.
~*~
Flashback: Five years ago.
"What are you saying? That you're breaking up with me?" Her voice was choked with suppressed sobs, and her hands shook, but still, she remained steady. That was just who she was. Rory Gilmore; always so poised and perfect, never cracking under any situation no matter what life dealt her way. Well, she was near cracking now, but she wouldn't let that show.
"Rory, I'm sorry." Jess wouldn't even look at her, and that was the thing she hated the most. That he couldn't even be enough of a man to look her square in the eye, and tell her how he really felt. Instead, he had been avoiding eye contact; opting instead to fixate his gaze on the floor.
"What do you mean you're SORRY?"
"This thing - you and I - it just isn't working," Jess said evenly, his voice flat and emotionless. "We knew from the start, that this probably wouldn't work out. Both of us are just too different. Our lives are heading in two separate directions, you have to understand that-"
"The only thing I understood," she said softly, but there was a force behind her voice; an intense rage mixed with sadness. "Is that I wanted my life to be with you. But I guess that wasn't good enough, huh?" Now the tears were really coming, but she didn't bother to stop them. She simply didn't CARE anymore, what she looked like.
For the first time, some emotion appeared on Jess's face, and he clenched his face. "Look, Rory, I never meant to hurt you-"
"Well, it's a little too late for that," she spat.
"I'm sorry."
She glared at him. "You keep saying that. But none of what you're telling me proves that you're sorry. All it proves is that you don't give a damn about my feelings."
"You know that's not true."
"Do I?" she snapped, looking right at him, as if trying to gage for some hidden emotion. "You don't even have the decency to tell me WHY we're breaking up. But please, do tell, Jess, because I sure as hell can't figure it out."
"I told you, our lives are headed in two separate directions-"
"Spare me," Rory said, causing him to flinch. She didn't realize she still had that kind of emotional power over him. "We were together for almost two years, and it sure hadn't mattered then. So why is it now, after all this time, suddenly such a big issue? I don't get you, Jess."
He backed away from her, walking over to the doorway and leaning his arm against the wall. All of a sudden, he looked really, really tired. She thought that was a little strange. "There's nothing more I can tell you, and there's probably not an answer you'd accept, anyhow," he said, putting on his coat.
"You're right, I don't accept it. I just don't understand how you can be in love with someone one minute, and then the next, not," Rory was on the verge of tears again as she spoke, and she bit her lip so hard that it bled. Blood had a bitter taste to it, much like the situation she was now in.
"Life's fickle that way, I guess."
And with that, he was gone.
~*~
Rory had been wrong that time, too, because in fact he had never stopped loving her. Jess had noted that bitterly on his way home the evening of their breakup, and everyday since then. He had wanted so badly to be able to take away all her pain, but had been unable too. God, she had looked so fragile and broken that night - it had just about killed him.
But it was for the best. He had been a dangerous man to be around then, and still was to this day. Being with him would only hurt her more in the future, in much worse ways. So it was better to make a nice, clean break, before she got herself into serious trouble because of him. He wasn't sure if he would have been able to live with himself if something had happened to her because of his careless mistakes.
So, it was better this way. That's what he kept telling himself.
Author: Kathryn
Summary: Six years ago Jess had broken up with her, and Rory had always wondered what went wrong. Now, on the eve of Luke and Lorelai's wedding, he returns to town, and Rory must piece together exactly why he left, while being drawn to him through mysterious circumstances. Will the two of them find their way back to each other?
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, because if I did, Jess would obviously be getting a lot more screen time. ;)
Authors Note: Well, if you couldn't already guess, this fic takes place in the future. Everything will be explained, so just read on. Oh, and leaving a review would be nice as well, keeps me motivated!
~*~
Rory had been wrong when she thought Jess hadn't noticed her. She had been the first thing he had seen upon entering the yard; her hair long and swept back from her face, her cheeks rosy and her skin fair and creamy white. His heart sped up a little bit then, when he saw her, and he had to fight to keep hold of his emotions. How had she, after all these years, managed to stay so beautiful? So perfect? The years had only added to her beauty and made his desire for her intensify.
He stood beside Luke and watched as Lorelai came down the aisle towards her awaiting groom, although his mind was already on other matters. Seeing Rory for the first time, in god knows how long, had really jolted. He hadn't expected to have this kind of reaction, not really. Although he had been anticipating his return to Stars Hollow since Luke had called and invited him to the wedding, the full reality hadn't set in until now. Here she was, in the flesh, and he could barely keep his emotions in check. Not a good thing for someone who was trying to keep his distance.
His eyes never left her face as Luke and Lorelai began to exchange vows. He could tell she was avoiding eye contact, but every few seconds she would peak over, and then quickly snap her head away. He knew that he was making her uncomfortable, although he didn't know what to do to ease the awkwardness. What COULD he do? Stop looking away? Stop starring at her? Leave altogether? He couldn't very well do that; it was his uncle's wedding, after all. But there had to be a way to ease the discomfort, there just had to. He used to know her so well. but now he didn't have a clue.
~*~
Flashback: Five years ago.
It was a hazy summer night, and Rory lay in the crook of his arm, resting her head on the back of her shoulder. Outside on the back porch, all was quiet; the only sound to be heard was their faint breathing. Jess felt relaxed, more relaxed than he had in years. How had it become this natural to be with someone? He let out a contented sigh as his thumb playfully inched along the corner of her forehead; fingering the fine threads of brown hair that had come loose from her ponytail.
"Mmmm?" she murmured, still half asleep. "What?"
"Nothing," Jess said, his fingers brushing her neck as his other arm tightened around her in a protective grip. "I just like watching you sleep."
She raised her head and looked up into his brown eyes, smiling to herself when she saw the hint of a smile trace his face. "So did I do anything interesting while I was asleep?"
"You recited the entire Latin alphabet," he joked. "But other than that, not really."
"Interesting," she said, shifting from where she sat on his lap so she could get a better view of his face. "I never would have guessed that I knew Latin, but thanks for the tip."
They sat in silence for a few moments, just enjoying each other's presence. Rory leaned back fully; stretching out against him. She clasped his hand in his, entwining their fingers.
"This is nice," she said softly, her voice tired. A yawn escaped her mouth, and she snuggled deeper into his embrace, her eyes drifting half shut.
Looking down at her, he nodded. "Yeah, it is."
She would never know just how much he meant that.
~*~
Had he been watching her? She was really beginning to suspect that he had been. Despite her promise to herself to stop looking at Jess every two seconds, she found herself sneaking a peak at him out of the corner of her eye every now and then.
And one time, she had caught him looking right at her, his eyes full of something she couldn't quite figure out. Longing? Regret? Lust? Hate? Any one of those words could have fit. Jess was a tricky one to figure out, always had been. It was one of the reasons she had been drawn to him in the first place, but now it was driving her nuts. She wished she knew what he was thinking, so she could finally put her mind at ease. If he hated her, and wanted nothing more to do with her, then she could end these silly fantasies she was concocting in her mind. She could finally put the past to rest, where it belonged.
But if he wanted her. what then? Would she just willingly go back to him, even after he had treated her so poorly? She didn't like to think about that.
She was her own person now, and nobody could control her. That included Jess. If he wanted her back, well. too bad.
Watching Luke and Lorelai exchange their vows, she felt a tremor of sadness wash over her. She always got like that whenever she attended weddings, and since this was her mother's, it made all that much more of an impact.
Long ago, when she was young and carefree and still had big hopes, she used to think about her wedding. What her dress would be like, how big the cake would be; silly little things like that. But the one thing that would stick out in her mind would be the groom; his smiling face descending down on her, his eyes twinkling and full of love. She imagined their wedding to be the start of something, their new life together.
As silly as it sounded, Jess had been the person she expected to spend the rest of her life with. Silly, deluded fantasies of a teenage girl with dreams that could never be, she realized that now. In reality, life wasn't always that simple. There were bumps and curbs on the road that, sometimes, people just couldn't get past.
She knew this from first hand experience.
~*~
Flashback: Five years ago.
"What are you saying? That you're breaking up with me?" Her voice was choked with suppressed sobs, and her hands shook, but still, she remained steady. That was just who she was. Rory Gilmore; always so poised and perfect, never cracking under any situation no matter what life dealt her way. Well, she was near cracking now, but she wouldn't let that show.
"Rory, I'm sorry." Jess wouldn't even look at her, and that was the thing she hated the most. That he couldn't even be enough of a man to look her square in the eye, and tell her how he really felt. Instead, he had been avoiding eye contact; opting instead to fixate his gaze on the floor.
"What do you mean you're SORRY?"
"This thing - you and I - it just isn't working," Jess said evenly, his voice flat and emotionless. "We knew from the start, that this probably wouldn't work out. Both of us are just too different. Our lives are heading in two separate directions, you have to understand that-"
"The only thing I understood," she said softly, but there was a force behind her voice; an intense rage mixed with sadness. "Is that I wanted my life to be with you. But I guess that wasn't good enough, huh?" Now the tears were really coming, but she didn't bother to stop them. She simply didn't CARE anymore, what she looked like.
For the first time, some emotion appeared on Jess's face, and he clenched his face. "Look, Rory, I never meant to hurt you-"
"Well, it's a little too late for that," she spat.
"I'm sorry."
She glared at him. "You keep saying that. But none of what you're telling me proves that you're sorry. All it proves is that you don't give a damn about my feelings."
"You know that's not true."
"Do I?" she snapped, looking right at him, as if trying to gage for some hidden emotion. "You don't even have the decency to tell me WHY we're breaking up. But please, do tell, Jess, because I sure as hell can't figure it out."
"I told you, our lives are headed in two separate directions-"
"Spare me," Rory said, causing him to flinch. She didn't realize she still had that kind of emotional power over him. "We were together for almost two years, and it sure hadn't mattered then. So why is it now, after all this time, suddenly such a big issue? I don't get you, Jess."
He backed away from her, walking over to the doorway and leaning his arm against the wall. All of a sudden, he looked really, really tired. She thought that was a little strange. "There's nothing more I can tell you, and there's probably not an answer you'd accept, anyhow," he said, putting on his coat.
"You're right, I don't accept it. I just don't understand how you can be in love with someone one minute, and then the next, not," Rory was on the verge of tears again as she spoke, and she bit her lip so hard that it bled. Blood had a bitter taste to it, much like the situation she was now in.
"Life's fickle that way, I guess."
And with that, he was gone.
~*~
Rory had been wrong that time, too, because in fact he had never stopped loving her. Jess had noted that bitterly on his way home the evening of their breakup, and everyday since then. He had wanted so badly to be able to take away all her pain, but had been unable too. God, she had looked so fragile and broken that night - it had just about killed him.
But it was for the best. He had been a dangerous man to be around then, and still was to this day. Being with him would only hurt her more in the future, in much worse ways. So it was better to make a nice, clean break, before she got herself into serious trouble because of him. He wasn't sure if he would have been able to live with himself if something had happened to her because of his careless mistakes.
So, it was better this way. That's what he kept telling himself.