Crystal Tear

Disclaimer & Warning: See the first chapter.

Chapter 2: Hikaru's suffering.

Painted in blood, bathed in darkness and moonlight, Sai was simply breath-taking. He looked like a devilish angel. I didn't realize I had crawled back until my back hit the wall.

"Let's begin the game, my precious Hikaru." Suddenly there wasn't enough air for me to breathe as fear ripped through me like waves. Sai, why did you turn out this wa--"

I didn't have time to finish my thought as Sai got on the bed with me. Of all the time we stayed together, he had never been so aggressive. He lifted my chin up and kissed me with the same hunger he performed the other night. Only this time the taste of blood on his lips was so much that it made me gagged. The smelt of it on his clothes was so strong that it overwhelmed me. It felt like I'm drifting in a sea of blood. I couldn't help letting out a moan.

Sai didn't mind, though. He continued to lick and bit my lips. When I refused to open my mouth, he grasped my jaw and forced it to open. As his tongue thrust into my mouth, his other hand started to unbutton my sleeping shirt.

No, it was not what I wanted. "Stop." I cried and fought him but Sai didn't listen to me.

He took a hold of my shirt and pulled me up. "I've been waiting for this for too long to stop now." He growled at my face, before released me and I collapsed on the bed.

Sai took off his clothes and got to me, making my fear multifold. "No." I used all my strength to push him away, wanting to get off the bed and run to the door.

Sai was on me only some seconds after. Furiously, he slapped me hard, made me cry out holding my cheek painfully. Even though I couldn't see it, I know a massive bruise must have formed there. Sai took both of my wrists in his left hand and hold it up while sitting on my legs, making me unable to move. "Please, Sai..." I begged, "Why are you doing this?"

He only smiled.

I suddenly saw a smiling Sai that I was familiar with, the Sai I thought would never betray me, then that image shattered to reveal reality. Add to the fear, that image formed in my chest an aching pain.

Sai leaned down and whispered with a smirk. "Why don't you see? I do this because I want you. You should be happy."

The pain burned brighter. Each of his words cut deep into my soul like glass shards. Sai nuzzled to my neck, licking the skin there, ignoring my struggle. His free hand came down to tear off my clothes and threw them onto the floor. The next moment, the door suddenly opened and we both turned to it.

My mother was standing there, face pale. She had to grip tightly to the doorframe for support. "You get out of my house." She growled at Sai, although she was shaking with obvious fear.

I sighed in sadness and relief. Sadness because she had to see all of this. Relief because now she was here, I would be saved. I never thought her face suddenly went blank.

"Leave." Sai ordered, and then smirked in a very uncharacteristic way. "Oh wait, tear some trips from his clothes and bring it here."

I could only watch in horror as my mother did exactly what Sai said. In my head, there was only one word swirling. 'Why?'

Sai got off me while still holding my wrists. "Tie his wrists and ankles to the bed." Sai instructed. I was too shocked to fight as I was tied up.

When she was done, she bowed to Sai and turned to walk away. The harsh reality pulled me out of my trance. Buck and writhe as much as my bind allowed, I cried out for her. "Mom, don't leave me here. Help me please."

She hesitated at the door a little, her body faintly shaking but then she quickly got out as Sai growled. "Get out!" The door slammed shut, something else was also shut down in my heart.

"Why, Sai? What did you do to her?" I turned my attention to him and asked accusingly.

Sai wiped away the tears on my cheeks. He shrugged and said mockingly. "Just a spell. So you don't like the help of your mother?"

"Iie. She must have saved me..."

With a sharp laugh, Sai's fingernails dug deep into the skin on my right arm. "Save? Save you from what?" The malice in his voice made me shudder.

His game resumed, now turned into more urgent and violent. I didn't know how much time had passed, to me, it felt like century.

Something big and wet stopped at my entrance. And then, I could no longer think. Every thought lost in pain. Screams filled the room, screams that hurt my ears. Whose screams? Mine? But I couldn't think. Couldn't think. Thankfully, darkness opened its inviting arms and let me feel into it.

***

The next morning I woke up, the first thing I felt was physical pain. Sai wrapped his arms around me tightly. I tried to break free but he just embraced me tighter. Finally, I gave up and sobbed.

Sai released me and sat up, seeming to be annoyed. "God, how I hate your whines." He spat out, got off the bed and went into the bathroom, leaving me alone with my misery.

I pulled myself up and hugging my knees, every movement created pain. Bruises and scratches were all over my body. Blood smeared on my thighs and soaked the blanket below. Tears continued to fall. The dazzling smile of a Sai I used to know kept returning to me. It felt like my heart has been broken into pieces.

After a while, Sai came back, clad in a jean and a white shirt. I didn't bother to ask where he got them. "Clean yourself," Sai ordered.

"Why?" I turned away. "Why don't just kill me?"

Sai stormed to the bed and slapped me. "Why don't you realize I did that because I love you? Why must I kill you? But..." His eyes turned into threateningly. "I want you to maintain your social appearance and do everything you do everyday. If you make anyone suspicious or try to kill yourself, you know what'll happen to your parents." With that, he pushed me back onto the tangled blanket.

Sai turned away and walked out of my room. At the door, he waved his hand. "Bye. Have a good day, my precious Hikaru."

***

I found my mother in the kitchen. She was holding a knife with both of her hands. Her whole body trembled though her face was expressionless.

"Mom," I cried. I ran to her and pull the knife away. "Mom, don't do that."

 "Son, breakfast for you is ready." My mother smiled in a very automatically way, but she continued to tremble.

I quickly stood on tiptoe and embraced her. "Mom, I don't blame you. I understand."

"Hurry, son. Or else you will be late for school." Her voice was expressionless, too, but from her eyes, two huge tears falling down. Her body shook greater as if she was fighting whatever spell Sai put on her.

"I know that's not what you want to do." I ignored the words I know were not what she wanted to say and continued. "It's not your fault. You must live for me... for Dad... for us."

Quickly, I broke the contact, grabbed my school bag and ran away. I was so afraid I too would break down crying if I stayed in that room any minute longer.

A day passed like in a dream. Everyone kept asking why I was so quiet. Everyone wanted to know where the bruise on my cheek came from. I didn't dare to tell them the truth. I didn't want to stay here, but I didn't want to go home either. It was like everywhere I went, I was still an outlander. It was like there was no place for me to go.

The bell still rang. I remained in the classroom for a long time. Every one had came home. I wondered if everything was just a nightmare. And if I came home now, I would see Sai so gentle in his ancient clothing again. And he would smile and whine, 'Hikaru, Let's play a game!' The thought lightened my mood. I forced myself to stand up and go home. I couldn't hide here forever.

I was surprise that some one was waiting for me at the gate of my school. It was Waya. His hand clutched a newspaper while his face was sad and stricken.

"Shindou, I'm so sorry." Waya walked to me and put a hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner. "I understand that you must be sad, but you--"

"What must I be sad about?" I cut him off, puzzled.

"Touya, of course."

"Why must I be sad about Touya?"

Now Waya looked even more stricken. "I can't believe you said that. I meant it's true that's he's your rival but--" he shoved the newspaper to my chest." I thought you must be the one feeling most among us Go player, hearing how he died in such a terrible way."

I took the newspaper shakily, feeling something snapped in my chest. I had a vague thought of what I would see there. 'Young Go player found dead in a dark alley.'

The paper fell down. Did the sun stop shining? Why everything suddenly so dark? I heard Waya called my name, but so far away. The day they thought he was... killed was... That day, in that alley... and Sai come home so late... and the taste of blood in his mouth... I didn't remember what I did after that but when my vision cleared again, I was in my room, breathing heavily.

"Why do you come home late?" Sai growled. He was standing by the window staring out, not bothering to turn to me. "Where did you go?"

"Don't talk like I was the one to blame. Why did you kill Touya?" I screamed and lunged at him. Sai caught my punch easily.

He didn't seem to be surprised, in stead, he looked angered. He took both of my wrists and lifted them with one hand. I cried out hoarsely as I hung from his hand, my feet didn't even touch the floor. " How dare you to speak to me in that way because of that bastard?" His face darkened, his voice bitter and full of anger. "Yes I kill him. I kill him because of you. So what?"

Sai threw me to the wall. I gasped as my head hit the surface hard. I couldn't speak, just groaned in pain. My vision started to blur." Ungrateful brat." He spat out." I do everything for you. I wait you here. But you never once say a thank you to me, do you?"

His words were so ironic. It made me laughed uncontrollably. Each laughter sent aching pain to my throat and head, but I couldn't stop. Sai looked about to explode. He slap brutally again and again while screaming something. His voice was so piercing that it hurts my ears.

'Don't you see, Sai?' I tried to speak but the laughter and hard slaps transformed my voice into some horrible noise. 'It's so funny'.

"I can't stand you anymore." Sai grit his teeth, finally boring with hitting me. He stormed out of the room, leaving me alone. Outside, night was coming. The light wasn't on. So in here everything was covered in a dim light of dawn. I heard Sai's footstep downstairs, then the main door slamming shut.

The laughter quickly quieted. Tears started to fall.

* * *

Days had passed. I continued to exist. Everyday I waked up to endless loneliness. Sai didn't put me in a cage or imprison me, but his possessiveness was more terrible than any prison. I didn't dare to speak with anyone, no matter if it was a friend or a stranger. In the first day of this nightmare, I did, then found out several days after, all of them were dead.

What good friends I had. They were worried for me. They tried to attract me into conversation. But after a time, they simply gave up, leaving me behind to continue their lives. Silence surrounded me, as much as loneliness. Sometime, I wondered if I was slowly becoming just a voiceless toy of him.

At home, my parents were not allowed to talk with me. They couldn't even if they wanted to. Trapped inside Sai's spell. They lived like two clowns following nothing except their owner's orders.

Go didn't bring me any joy, either. How could it when Sai had found away to switch between his real and ghost body? I wasn't allowed to play on my own anymore, becoming only his tool to show the world his true talent.

And then every night return to his embrace, facing with reality and pain. Sometimes, when his mood was high, he didn't inflict only pain but also shame me with pleasure. It hurt. It hurt so much because sometime, the gentle Sai with that beautiful and haunting smile returned to my dream. It hurt, because in the end, he would always morph into a violent demon.

My sanity was slowly fading and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

Today as usual, I drag myself back home after a long meaningless school day.

I step into the house and immediately was greeted by the suffocating smell of blood, which had become normal recently. Sai twice a week went out in his materialized form, and returned at night with blood stained his clothes, and one or two humans as well, 'for reservation' he said. He also managed to build an underground cell to keep his victims and create some kind of barrier to keep the smell of blood and noise of weeping and screaming from coming out of the house. It was like that barrier had separated everything into two different worlds, the world outside, the world of strangers and the world inside this house, my world.

Even though, I couldn't bring my self to care. In the beginning, the horrible smell and the screams of his victims scared me as much as Sai's touch. But after a while, it didn't matter anymore. Days after days, I would just returned to my room, blocking anything from my mind and waiting for the night to come, knowing he would always come back.

I passed the living room; something stopped me from continuing my way. The faint gasp of breath and wrenched sobs of someone so familiar. Hesitatingly, I walked closer to the half-open door. Sai's sudden laugh, however, pushed me back. Driven by fear, I was about to walk away when someone spoke up, not loudly but very clearly. "Please tell him I love him."

Mom. The realization came with tears. How many nights did I stay awake wishing I could hear this voice once again? I had almost forgotten how sweet it sounded...

A choking sound of someone dying. "Mom!" I screamed, ran into that room, and froze. Sai's hands were wrapping around my mother's neck and squeezing hard. On the ground, my father lay perfectly still, a knife's end came out from his chest. Blood soaked his shirt and even the floor under him.

"No." I screamed and ran to Sai. "No, please. You promised me you would not harm them."

Before I could reach him, there was a snap. "Opps." Sai said and released my mother. She fell down, her eyes wide and wet with tears, her head lying at an odd angle to her body.

"Why... you promised..." I collapsed to my knees, wrapped my arms around myself and wept. The agony of loss blocked away anything else, no matter if it was anger or hatred.

"Ah, I did promise. But they dared to break my spells on them and attack me. Guess they loved you more than I thought. For that alone, they had to die." Sai shrugged nonchalantly. Then he hauled me up by my collar and kissed me hard. His hand went into my shirt.

"No please!" I cried. Sai just ignored me, he made me bend over the table. "Please. Not here. Not now." I thrashed, my tears started to create a small pool on the surface of the table.

"You don't like to play?" Sai whispered, nipping the tip of my earlobe, his hand went lower.

"No." I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head in vain. "They... they're watching me, don't you see?"

"And?"

"Sai please, I'll do whatever you want, just not now, pleas--"

Sai didn't let my finished my words. He clasped his hand over my mouth, effectively stopping all noise from coming out while his other hand tear my clothes away. The next moment, he slammed into me hard. I could do nothing except weeping silently as he took me with such violence he had never shown before. So I cried until tears no longer fall.

After he was done, Sai wordlessly left. I slid down from the table to the floor, trying to breathe normally.

The last bit of sanity slipped away.

All what I knew was that I must get out of that room. I must escape those eyes of my parents staring at me accusing me, begging me, haunting me. A scream came out of the underground cell. Sai must have gone there. That scream mixed with voices of beloved ones returning from the past stayed even if I covered my ears tightly with both hands.

Returned to my room with much difficult, I came to the large mirror Sai had brought here. He said he wanted to see his appearance in it as an evidence for his existence. In it, a broken and bruised Hikaru Shindou was staring at me. So pathetic. Maybe Sai was right after all. I was really pathetic. Naked, bruised, hair tousled, bite marks all over my body. What a slut I'd become.

Couldn't stand it anymore, I smashed the mirror furiously, satisfied as it and the mocking image shattered into pieces of blood-smeared glass, which fall down and covered the floor like a beautiful carpet. I collapsed on them a minute latter, feeling strength leaving my body. Glass cutting into my bare legs and hands, but somehow, the pain was transferring into pleasure.

My eyes were dried and I found myself couldn't cry anymore. In stead as I raised my hands and looked at my torn palms, something inside broke free and came out into low chuckles, then they became hysteric laughter. The first time in my life, I understood Sai a little. Blood was really beautiful. So delicate and pure like blooming flowers, yet so disgusting...

My trembling fingers grasped a large shard of glass next to me. The shard added new cuts to my palm but the pain it brought was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. I lifted it shakily then lowered it to my wrist. The glass carved into my skins, hot liquid oozed out like stream, carried away the last trace of my will to live.

As dizziness washed over me, scenes of the past flashed through my mind. My mother placing a kiss on my forehead. My father bringing to school in the first day of my school life. My family being together. I closed my eyes and let myself sink into memories. My body fell down onto the piece of glass. Those sharp shards scraping the skin on my cheeks, more of crimson fluid soaked the floor below.

And then in that alley... I remembered a determined boy, just about my age. He had smiled and told me in a voice full of belief. 'I'll show you the way to love.'

Sorry Touya... Maybe I was wrong to let you kissed me that time. I figured out sympathy was different from love too late but... I tried to laugh but I no longer have the strength. ... but poor you, from the beginning, you never had a chance...

...because I already knew what love was. As the world darkened around me, an image appeared before my eyes. Sai was standing there, not the one who had robbed away everything from me, not the one whom I hate, but the one who had first lead me to the world of Go, the one whose smiles warmed my heart more than anything else.

Darkness was pulling me into it. I gave up all resistance.

'Let play Go.' Sai bent down, pulled me up and warped his hand around me. His voice was so happy and innocent. Right, he had always been so innocent, too captive in his Go.

'Long to see you. You're still smiling.' I whispered and touch his cheek. 'I miss you so much.' He took my hand and kissed my palm softly. 'This is not reality. This is just a dream, right?'

He tightened his hold around me and buried his face in my hair. 'Does it matter? Just stay here forever and never come back. We'll play Go until we get bored of it, and then we will find something else to play, something that we both enjoyed.'

'Yeah...' I smiled and pressed myself to him as we floated in darkness. Yes, this was my Sai. He was always right.

'... stay here forever and never come back...'

End Chapter 2.