Last Week on DOOFA:
*They start walking out of the room when suddenly Rachel stabs Jake*
JAKE: *struggling to breath because he has been friggen well stabbed* I ... I thought ... I was your cousin?
....
This week on DOOFA!!!
*After stabbing Jake, Rachel stands over him chatting about "The Good Old Days"
JAKE: I ... I ... I thought ... I was your cousin!
RACHEL: *with a steely glare* So did I, till I found out I was your twin brother!!!
JAKE: What? What are you talking about?
RACHEL: Turns out, my dad and your mom are both our parents ...
JAKE: What? What are you talking about?
RACHEL: When we were born, the doctor told good ol' momma she had twin boys ... but ... but ... he thought 'the blond one' was too ... too ... too PRETTY TO EVER BE STRAIGHT!!!!!! *she bursts into hysterical tears*
JAKE: What? What are you talking about?
RACHEL: *Composes herself* So they made me have a sex change and then pretended we had never been siblings in the first place.
JAKE: What? What are you talking about?
RACHEL: *she grabs Jake's bloody - and I mean that in the least offensive way - collar* THEY PRETENDED WE WERE COUSINS!!!! DAaammitt!!! Cousins!!!? So all these years that I was fantasisng about you ... me ... some leather and a whip and chain, I was fantasising about fucking my brother!!!! Dammn you society!!! Damn you!!!!!!
JAKE: *looking confused, but trying to keep calm* So you're saying that your dad and my mom are both our parents and when we were born the doctor told good ol' momma she had had twin boys, but he thought 'the blond one' was too pretty to ever be straight. So they made you have a sex change and then pretended we had never been siblings in the first place. They pretended we were cousins, dammit. So all those years you were fantasisng about you and me in a S&M type situation you were fantasising about *beep*ing your brother?
*Blank pause*
RACHEL: Basically that's it.
JAKE: So why did you stab me?
RACHEL: A soap star never gives away the plot ...
*a voice is heard* "No, a soap star never gives away the plot!"
RACHEL: *she turns around* oh, well, if you intend on repeating what i say ... Oh my gawd! It's .... CAZZIE!!!
CASSIE: *holding up an Ax (get it) and looking psychotically at Rachel* Miss JAckson if you're nasty!
JAKE: I was beginning to wonder where you were, you didn't appear in the whole of last episode!
CASSIE: I was in France dining with Jacque Chi...what's his name.
JAKE: So what's up?
CASSIE: Run Jake! Run! Rachel is really possesed by the devil and wants to take your ... sowl.
JAKE: What? Is this true, Rachel?
RACHEL: *her eyes turn red* Ofcourse not. *she turns to Cassie* what would ever make you think that?
CASSIE: Don't use your Satanic lies on me, devil! I know who you are ... *she takes out a cross from her pocket and points it at Rachel who cries and ugly cry*
RACHEL: Ack! HElp. That hurts. *she looks at Jake pleadingly and says sweetly* Jakie-wakie ... help me ... save me from this vicious ... SAVAGE!!!!!!
*Suddenly Cassie and Rachel start fighting. Cassie using her cross as a weapon and Rachel, Jake's left arm*
CASSIE: Ouch! That hurt!
RACHEL: Oooh ... that felt kinda good ...
CASSIE: Do that one more time and ...
RACHEL: *singing* Oh-oh-oh-oooooh-ohh-ohhh. Can't you feel my heart beat ... for the very first time ... !
TOBIAS: *from the barn door* Ladies, ladies. There's no need to fight over me. Really, calm your selves down.
*Rachel grabs Cassie and throws her at Tobias. Both Tobias and Cassie land in a burning furnace and die.*
RACHEL: Now it's time for you ... *she sez to Jake who is lying helplessly on the floor*
MARCO: *long time, hey?* Don't do it Rachel! Don't do it ... I know you used to be a man .... and that's why I've always been atracted to you ... lets share our love ... and all of that shit
RACHEL: *a tear forms in her eye* But ... but ... I'm still possesed by the devil , long distance relationships hardly ever work. What makes you think we could make this work?
MARCO: Where there's a will, there's a way. And by the WAY, have you watched WILL and grace while I've been gone?
*Suddenly Rachel cries. She's been stabbed in the back with one of those funny wooden things ... by a dying JAKE!!!*
MARCO: Damn you Jake ... damn you ....!!!!!!!! *he runs over to RAchel and cries*
*End o' episode*
So wacha think? A bit drAMATIC HUH? but oisn't that the ADEA?
Goodnight sweet children.
NEKST WEEK ON DOOFA: Marco is angry ... reEEL angry, Jake has killed the only shemale he's ever loved ... what will he do?
*They start walking out of the room when suddenly Rachel stabs Jake*
JAKE: *struggling to breath because he has been friggen well stabbed* I ... I thought ... I was your cousin?
....
This week on DOOFA!!!
*After stabbing Jake, Rachel stands over him chatting about "The Good Old Days"
JAKE: I ... I ... I thought ... I was your cousin!
RACHEL: *with a steely glare* So did I, till I found out I was your twin brother!!!
JAKE: What? What are you talking about?
RACHEL: Turns out, my dad and your mom are both our parents ...
JAKE: What? What are you talking about?
RACHEL: When we were born, the doctor told good ol' momma she had twin boys ... but ... but ... he thought 'the blond one' was too ... too ... too PRETTY TO EVER BE STRAIGHT!!!!!! *she bursts into hysterical tears*
JAKE: What? What are you talking about?
RACHEL: *Composes herself* So they made me have a sex change and then pretended we had never been siblings in the first place.
JAKE: What? What are you talking about?
RACHEL: *she grabs Jake's bloody - and I mean that in the least offensive way - collar* THEY PRETENDED WE WERE COUSINS!!!! DAaammitt!!! Cousins!!!? So all these years that I was fantasisng about you ... me ... some leather and a whip and chain, I was fantasising about fucking my brother!!!! Dammn you society!!! Damn you!!!!!!
JAKE: *looking confused, but trying to keep calm* So you're saying that your dad and my mom are both our parents and when we were born the doctor told good ol' momma she had had twin boys, but he thought 'the blond one' was too pretty to ever be straight. So they made you have a sex change and then pretended we had never been siblings in the first place. They pretended we were cousins, dammit. So all those years you were fantasisng about you and me in a S&M type situation you were fantasising about *beep*ing your brother?
*Blank pause*
RACHEL: Basically that's it.
JAKE: So why did you stab me?
RACHEL: A soap star never gives away the plot ...
*a voice is heard* "No, a soap star never gives away the plot!"
RACHEL: *she turns around* oh, well, if you intend on repeating what i say ... Oh my gawd! It's .... CAZZIE!!!
CASSIE: *holding up an Ax (get it) and looking psychotically at Rachel* Miss JAckson if you're nasty!
JAKE: I was beginning to wonder where you were, you didn't appear in the whole of last episode!
CASSIE: I was in France dining with Jacque Chi...what's his name.
JAKE: So what's up?
CASSIE: Run Jake! Run! Rachel is really possesed by the devil and wants to take your ... sowl.
JAKE: What? Is this true, Rachel?
RACHEL: *her eyes turn red* Ofcourse not. *she turns to Cassie* what would ever make you think that?
CASSIE: Don't use your Satanic lies on me, devil! I know who you are ... *she takes out a cross from her pocket and points it at Rachel who cries and ugly cry*
RACHEL: Ack! HElp. That hurts. *she looks at Jake pleadingly and says sweetly* Jakie-wakie ... help me ... save me from this vicious ... SAVAGE!!!!!!
*Suddenly Cassie and Rachel start fighting. Cassie using her cross as a weapon and Rachel, Jake's left arm*
CASSIE: Ouch! That hurt!
RACHEL: Oooh ... that felt kinda good ...
CASSIE: Do that one more time and ...
RACHEL: *singing* Oh-oh-oh-oooooh-ohh-ohhh. Can't you feel my heart beat ... for the very first time ... !
TOBIAS: *from the barn door* Ladies, ladies. There's no need to fight over me. Really, calm your selves down.
*Rachel grabs Cassie and throws her at Tobias. Both Tobias and Cassie land in a burning furnace and die.*
RACHEL: Now it's time for you ... *she sez to Jake who is lying helplessly on the floor*
MARCO: *long time, hey?* Don't do it Rachel! Don't do it ... I know you used to be a man .... and that's why I've always been atracted to you ... lets share our love ... and all of that shit
RACHEL: *a tear forms in her eye* But ... but ... I'm still possesed by the devil , long distance relationships hardly ever work. What makes you think we could make this work?
MARCO: Where there's a will, there's a way. And by the WAY, have you watched WILL and grace while I've been gone?
*Suddenly Rachel cries. She's been stabbed in the back with one of those funny wooden things ... by a dying JAKE!!!*
MARCO: Damn you Jake ... damn you ....!!!!!!!! *he runs over to RAchel and cries*
*End o' episode*
So wacha think? A bit drAMATIC HUH? but oisn't that the ADEA?
Goodnight sweet children.
NEKST WEEK ON DOOFA: Marco is angry ... reEEL angry, Jake has killed the only shemale he's ever loved ... what will he do?