Going on Faith - Chapter 7
Buffy lay on her side, naked between the cool cotton sheets, and watched her lover sleep. Although there was no rise and fall of his chest to indicate life, it was not - as Xander had once dared to say - like sleeping with a dead body. She could see the delicate movement of his eyes under the lids watching dream pictures she could only wonder about. Every now and then a limb twitched or he shifted and sighed. No. There was definitely life in that beautiful body - a body that was hers to cherish and possess for as long as she chose.
And what about the soul? Did she possess that? Not for the first time, she wondered what it was exactly and why she had thought it made such a difference. Spike was still Spike even with his bravado and arrogance diminished and a new gravity in his demeanor. Also, not for the first time, she wondered why Spike couldn't have had the foresight to demand full humanity as long as he was asking for stuff. Poor planning, as usual.
She rolled onto her back and stared at the streaks of sunshine on the ceiling, sneaking through the closed blinds. She idly realized she hadn't opened her blinds in two months now and wondered if she ever would need to again.
"You're way too gloomy for a beautiful, sunny morning," she scolded herself mentally, but couldn't help worrying at the problem facing her. It was almost crunch time. She could feel it coming. Big, life-altering decisions were going to have to be made and they loomed before her like the most sinister monster she had ever fought.
"But not yet. Not yet," she repeated her new mantra, as she pushed off the covers and rose to go brew her morning - actually early afternoon - coffee.
The house was uncharacteristically quiet with Dawn's big mouth out of the picture. Buffy wondered how the research party at Willow's was going. She started the coffee maker, then sat down at the table with a bowl of cereal and the book she was working on, "The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire." It was kinda dry, but she knew if it got too boring she could get Spike to synopsize the rest for her - and she could happily listen to him talk for hours.
Flipping through the pages, she considered what a shock it would be to her high school self that history actually interested her now. She'd always been too busy dealing with the constant crises of Slayership to think beyond the moment. People (read that "Xander") could convince themselves all they wanted that she and Spike had a purely sexual relationship, but the vampire had opened new areas of knowledge and awakened a new self- confidence that she hadn't even known was missing. Yes, Slayer can read. Slayer can think and form opinions about things other than strategizing battle plans.
It had been a real hoot to find out the truth about Spike's upper middle class roots, which he had so carefully tried to bury under the "Spike" persona. Buffy smiled as a random line from "Shrek" floated into her mind, "Onions have layers. Ogres have layers." Well, Spike definitely had layers, some of which he would only show to her, and that, in a nutshell, was what the others would never understand.
Buffy found her place and began to read about the exploits of Caligula.
*********
"Okay. Is it time to start bashing heads yet," Faith asked, gazing at the disgusting thing on the floor between them.
"Not yet. I think it's the let's-get-the-hell-outta-here-and-check-in-with- Willow-and -Dawn time. I'm sure we'll be back here sooner than we want to be." Xander removed a pillowcase from the bed and picked the bone up with it, shuddering in revulsion. It's not like he hadn't seen his share of blood and guts in his years on the hellmouth, but....yeuch!
Faith checked through the blinds for the Happy Family and seeing the coast was clear, they made a dash for their car. They drove away in a spinout of gravel. When the car reached the road leading to the highway, Xander released a pent up breath he hadn't even realized he was holding.
"Whew! That was seriously freaky." He glanced over at Faith, who had tossed her bits of evidence in the back and currently had a lapful of wiggling dog.
"I still say we bust 'em - shake 'em up, ask some questions. I mean, look at this shit," she gestured to the back seat. "You got a book, blood and a bone, Macardle's signature in the register, and a group of weirdos that make the Manson family look sane. What else do you need?"
"Motive would be good," Xander replied.
"They're whack-jobs! What other motive do they need?" Faith exclaimed in frustration. "Probably not even human."
"Well, for now we have to give 'innocent 'til proven guilty' a shot. It could be a complete coincidence that the Watcher spent the night there then disappeared. And as for the bone....a-and the blood....." He fished for an explanation, then fell silent.
"Whatever." Faith sighed. "But if they get away while we're messing around playing the Hardy Boy and Nancy Drews, it's on your head." She settled back in the seat and stared out the window, absently running a hand over the dog's rough coat.
They drove in silence for awhile, then Xander's stomach let out a resounding rumble.
"You want to stop for lunch?" he asked his quiet companion. "Will and Dawn probably aren't back yet, and if they are, they can wait a few."
"If you want." Faith frowned. "But, I'm a little short....still need to pick up my Council-cash. Could you spot me a five?"
"My treat," Xander said. "There's a nice Mexican restaurant out this way I haven't been to for a long time."
"You sure?" Faith looked at him, her hard eyes considering - weighing and measuring his intentions. "Fast food is fine with me."
"No. I want to. You'll like it." The young man studied the road in front of him with intense interest.
She shrugged and turned back to her window, still fussing with the dog's fur.
"Look," she said after a minute, her voice pitched so low he could barely hear it. "This isn't like a - a frigging date or something, is it?"
"No!" Xander negated violently, shaking his head. "No. It's just....just lunch."
"That's good, cause...you know, it'd be too weird."
"Definitely," he said emphatically. "Off the weird-o-meter. No. No. No. We're just two people eating together."
"Right. Just checking. I mean, after last night, I thought maybe you thought....I don't know. I was coming on kinda strong. Had a little too much to drink and I love dancing."
'Yes you do!' he thought, but said, "No. I didn't think anything. Not a thought in my head. It was a good time. No big deal."
"So long as we're clear." Faith fell silent again.
Xander searched for a topic to alleviate the awkward silence.
"Um, do you like movies?" he asked.
"Sure."
"What do you like? Action? Comedy? Drama?"
"Action I guess." She paused as though considering. "Anything really. You spend a lot of time watching TV when you're living out of motels."
"You watch a lot of TV living in a normal American household," Xander replied, then pursued a question he'd had for a long time. "How long were you on your own, Faith? And when did you leave your family and start your training with your Watcher? I know Buffy got started late. So I have to ask, if fifteen is considered late, what's the normal age for a Slayer to start training."
"I was contacted by the Council when I was thirteen."
"And your parents just...." He was going to say 'gave you up' but replaced it with the kinder, "put you into your Watcher's care."
Faith shrugged. "I had already been through about a dozen foster homes so it wasn't a big deal. I was glad to go. Always felt different anyway, and now I could finally understand why."
"What about your biological parents? What happened to them?" he asked. He glanced over to catch her frowning slightly. "Just tell me to shut up if I'm being too nosy."
She hesitated long enough that Xander was sure she was going to say, 'You are', then answered, "Don't know about my dad, but my mom died. They took me away from her long before that, though. She was a junky." The young woman's voice was remote as she told her tale. "My second grade teacher's the one blew the whistle on her - for neglect I guess, cause she never hit me, and pretty soon I was in the system. Just another statistic."
Faith rolled her shoulders and smiled, curving those full, luscious lips. "But, I don't dwell on that shit. It was a long time ago. It happened. It's over and bitching about it's not gonna change anything, you know? Ya gotta live for the moment."
"You're right," Xander agreed, thinking about Sunday dinner battlegrounds and drunken bellowing at his Little League games. "No point remembering some things."
But he couldn't resist pressing just a little further, "And you were on your own for awhile after your Watcher died? Then you came to Sunnydale."
"Yeah, that's the story. Enough Q & A, okay, Ace?" Faith snapped, losing patience.
"Sorry." They resumed silence as the car turned from the back road onto the highway.
Scrunching back down into her corner of the car, Faith contemplated just how big Harris' mouth was. The man couldn't take two minutes of silence without bursting into chatter. Long days and nights of solitude had taught her the comfort of quiet. She could wrap it around her like a quilt and be content.
Alexander Harris was an odd contradiction. In some ways he seemed much more confident and mature than the high-school kid she remembered, but at times he would slip back into that persona like an ill-fitting suit, hiding behind the jokes and babble that masked his insecurities. When would he get rid of that security blanket?
She cut her eyes over to where Xander's hands rested on the steering wheel. They were large, competent looking hands, callused and rough from his trade. She wondered what they would feel like on her skin, maybe caressing her back, her hips, her thighs with sandpaper softness. She wondered how much experience he'd gained over the past few years. What would he be like in bed now - a man instead of a boy?
Faith quickly derailed her thoughts from that line and tried to concentrate on the clues they had gathered and what they pointed to, other than the fact that her Watcher had been murdered and dismembered by a family of psychos. She was glad Willow and Dawn had taken the lead in the research aspect of finding the Watcher or she'd still be sitting at Buffy's with her thumb up her butt. She had never realized before how truly badly she sucked at figuring things out. Slay, screw, eat, drink and be merry had pretty much been her motto. Now she was going to have to learn to be much more of a planner if she was going to fill Buffy's shoes.
The car pulled up in front of a stucco building shaped vaguely like the Alamo. A southwestern flavored sign announced it to be "Mi Ranchito". Faith and Xander got out of the car and closed the door on Rufus with difficulty. He was determined not to be left behind this time and almost got his muzzle shut in the door.
They entered the restaurant and were ushered to a table on the patio per Xander's request. It was one of those perfect, sunny fall days that call for you to spend time outdoors. They were soon seated at an umbrella- shaded table, enjoying the fresh breeze and view of the shoppers passing by on the sidewalk. Xander ordered a pair of margueritas and they perused the menu.
"This is nice. Uh, thanks," Faith said, trying to remember her manners.
"My pleasure," he replied gallantly. "The fajitas are excellent," he recommended.
Faith nodded and resumed studying the menu. This whole experience was freaking her out. She'd never spent time with someone so.....polite before, besides nighttime was her place. She wasn't big on sunshine and felt somehow exposed and vulnerable sitting here at an open air table.
Xander looked up from his menu to see Faith's pale face turned toward the passers-by, eyes wide and scanning. Her leg jiggle was back and vibrating the table with its motion.
"Something wrong?"
"Huh? No. It's cool. I'm just....." Faith looked back at the menu. "Fajitas, eh? Yeah. That sounds good." She closed it, set it on the table, and lounged back in her chair, legs apart and looking cool and at ease. Only the telltale drumming of her left leg betrayed any anxiety.
The waiter came by and Xander placed the order for both of them. Faith watched his face, all business as he ordered side salads and asked her what dressing she wanted on hers. Such serious brown eyes - a mirror image of her own, but with a softness she had never seen in her own reflection. God, he was charming!
After the waiter left, Faith folded her arms across her chest, and pinning Xander with a teasing look, began her own grilling.
"So, Xan-man, what've you been up to these past couple of years? I mean, other than the building gig. Why does a hottie like you not have a fish on the line?"
"Poor casting, I guess, or maybe I'm at the wrong fishing hole," he quipped. "Actually, I had someone....for a long time. But it didn't work out so..... Guess you could say I'm between fish right now." He toyed with his silverware, not meeting her gaze, and Faith guessed the wound was still fresh.
"Anyone I know?" Her thoughts automatically turned to Buffy. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see the way he'd been sniffing around after her back in high school. His answer surprised her.
"Yes. You met Anya - the woman at the Magic Box. We dated since high school. Were even engaged, but...." he laughed bitterly. "I balked at the altar. We tried to make it up later, but.....I don't know. Maybe my gut feeling was right. Maybe we weren't meant to be together."
"But you're still friends? How can you stand to be around her? Doesn't it hurt."
"Buffy and I were talking about that yesterday, just before you got here. I guess....I mean, I think I'm over her. I can look at Anya now and just feel - friendly. She's happy with her shop, and she's started dating a guy, and I'm actually happy that she's happy."
"Wow. You don't hear a guy say that very often."
"I think I mean it, too," Xander marveled. "We were so young when we got together.....well, that's not strictly true, Anya was a 1,000 year old vengeance demon before Giles broke her power and she became human. But she was inexperienced at being a human and I was inexperienced at....." He broke off quickly, remembering that other than groping Cordelia in a broom closet, Faith was his only other sexual experience before Anya. "....pretty much everything. We just went to the prom together, and before I knew it we were a couple. I don't know if we chose our relationship so much as accepted it by default."
"Jesus, you are a bunch of crazy kids! First Buffy and her TWO vamps, Willow and her wolf-boy, now you and a vengeance demon. The kinks just keep on coming!"
"EX- vengeance demon," Xander corrected huffily.
"Whatever. Still, I don't remember seeing this chick around Sunnydale High," Faith continued. "Of course, it's not like I ever came to class or went to a football game or anything."
It took every ounce of willpower for Xander to refrain from saying, "No, you were too busy teaming up with Mayor Wilkins to betray and try to kill us all," but he managed and said instead, "Well, you wouldn't have noticed. Anya looks like a normal girl when she's not all vengeancy."
"So that's it, Slick? You've had a big crush on Buffy, a little song and dance with Cordelia, and then the main event with your vengeance girl and nothing since? You telling me you never got up to any extra-curricular activities the whole time you were with this Anya?"
"No! I would never...I never even thought of..." Xander was so wide-eyed in shock and indignation that Faith knew it was true. "She was my fiancé! I wouldn't..!"
"Okay! Okay! Got ya. You're not the sleep around kind." A certain memory crossed their minds at the same moment, and they both froze for a second remembering the unexpected and very sweaty twenty minutes they had shared. "Well, not much, anyway." Faith added with a sly smile. "Not a cheat, anyway."
"Nope.or.well, no..." Another memory seemed to flash across Xander's honest face, and Faith sensed a story.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Come on," she wheedled. "You tell me yours. I'll tell you mine."
Xander perked up at the thought of hearing about Faith's sexploits, and shrugging, decided to share his long ago and oh-so-innocent indiscretion.
"Well, when I was with Cordelia I, um, kissed Willow a few times."
"You animal!" Faith mocked. "You should be taken out and castrated. It'd be a service to women."
"At the time it was a very big deal!" he protested. "In retrospect, Cordy treated me like a sack of shit most of the time, and I don't feel very bad about the whole thing."
Faith laughed wholeheartedly. "Harris you are the last of the boy scouts. If that's the worst sin you can come up with..."
"Okay, how about you Miss Tough-As-Nails. Are you really as bad as you make out or is it a lot of talk?"
She gave him a "you have to ask?" look, and he amended, "I mean, other than the whole allying yourself with the Mayor (and trying to choke me) and taking over Buffy's body and general mayhem, do you really live the wild life you claim? Do you 'get around' a lot?"
"Yep," she said simply, "Keeps things fresh. You never know what you're getting."
"And that's a 'good' thing? Aren't you afraid of, I don't know, catching diseases and dying alone? Don't you want something more permanent?"
"No." Faith waited while the waiter placed their salads, then left. "Use 'em and lose 'em. It's neat and easy. I don't like complications."
Xander shook his head, but refrained from saying "It sounds more lonely and pathetic."
"Besides, you know a slayer's life expectancy. What's the point of getting involved?"
"So what's the wildest thing you've ever done, Faith?" he lightened the tone of the conversation with a teasing note in his voice.
"The wildest thing? You're not ready to hear about it, Stud, but I will tell you a little girls-in-chains epic from my prison days." She leaned forward, eyes dancing with mischief, tongue slipping over her lips lasciviously. "There was Skinny Louise and Wanda and me, and we were all.." As she spun the tall tale, Xander played along, managing to look appropriately shocked and turned on by the girl on girl action.
"Uh, Faith?" He finally interrupted her descriptive narrative.
"Yeah?"
"I already saw this movie on Hotnt. Good storytelling, though, better than my first grade teacher, Mrs. Breckenmeyer."
Faith grinned. "You don't believe me?"
"Not for a second."
She laughed aloud, the first open, unguarded sound he'd heard from her.
"Okay. You got me," she said. "No prison flings, just a lot of long, lonely nights." She leveled a seductive gaze at Xander. "A LOT." The subtext 'I'm sick of being horny and alone' was clear, and Xander wondered what the holy heck she wanted out of him. She was sending such mixed signals he was at a loss.
The waiter brought their main course and saved Xander from having to think up a clever retort. As soon as the man left, he steered the conversation into shallow waters.
"So, what do you think the chances are we'll find Macardle alive? I mean, the bone seems kind of old to me, not that I'm a forensic expert or anything, but shouldn't it look whiter or fresher?"
"Search me?" Faith shrugged, going along with the change in topic. "Good point, though. Will the Dynamic Duo have some way to test for that?"
"Whatever we need to know, Will always finds a way to supply the answers. Even if she can't do it herself, she'll know where to take it."
"Useful girl. She'd of made a great Watcher."
"Yeah. She could shake the Council up from within. God knows they could use it." A thought occurred to him. "Hey. How did you get Council to cough money up for you? Buffy's been trying for years to get at least her basic needs covered and no go."
"I don't know," Faith answered. "And, I don't know how generous they're going to be with me yet. I'll believe they wired me cash when I see it."
"We can check on the way back to Willow's."
Conversation languished, as they ate their meal and Xander paid the bill. Walking back to the car, Faith thanked him again for lunch.
"No problem," he replied.
Xander unlocked and opened the car door, and Rufus spilled out and began leaping joyously around them. Considering that he'd better get a leash if he was going to keep the beast, Xander watched him take a dump on the lawn right in front of the restaurant. Chagrined, he urged the dog back in the car so they could speed away before anyone noticed.
Settled back in the vehicle and on the road again, Faith hesitated then plunged into the apology that had been worrying at her mind ever since she got to Sunnydale.
"Look, Harris," she began brusquely. "I know I haven't said it yet...or maybe I did and didn't sound like I meant it....but I'm sorry. Know it doesn't change anything, but I want you to know it. I'm sorry for all the shitty things I did to your friends, to everyone in this town, and to you personally." She heaved a quick, heavy sigh. "There! Did it." She smiled, ironically. "We had mandatory therapy in prison. This is step two - making amends."
"What was step one?"
"Admitting fault. That one took me awhile, but hours of time on your hands leads to a lot of reflection."
"So, you've made it through two steps, what's next?" he asked.
"Change. I'm supposed to change my behavior patterns that lead to violence," she exchanged a look with Xander and he burst out laughing at the irony.
"You need to change professions then, girlie. Maybe something quiet and non-contact like an accountant."
"Librarian," Faith suggested.
"Museum curator."
"How 'bout a clown. I could make all the little kiddies happy."
"No! No clowns," Xander countered. "They're evil and contrary to popular opinion little kids do NOT like them."
"Bad experience, huh?" Faith asked.
"Long story. Anyway, back to step two....I accept your apology and give you absolution. Are we square now?"
"If you say we are." Faith matched his light tone, but he could see the question in her eyes. She looked the way he used to feel back in high school when he had asked someone out and was waiting to get shot down.
"We are," he said firmly. "It starts fresh from here." It sounded really good, even though there was no way forgiving and forgetting was ever that easy.
Faith dropped her head and smiled a little to herself. After a moment, she raised her chin again and treated Xander to a full-on flirtatious Faith grin. "Thanks, Andy. You're a good guy."
"No problem...Grace," he answered.
To be continued
Buffy lay on her side, naked between the cool cotton sheets, and watched her lover sleep. Although there was no rise and fall of his chest to indicate life, it was not - as Xander had once dared to say - like sleeping with a dead body. She could see the delicate movement of his eyes under the lids watching dream pictures she could only wonder about. Every now and then a limb twitched or he shifted and sighed. No. There was definitely life in that beautiful body - a body that was hers to cherish and possess for as long as she chose.
And what about the soul? Did she possess that? Not for the first time, she wondered what it was exactly and why she had thought it made such a difference. Spike was still Spike even with his bravado and arrogance diminished and a new gravity in his demeanor. Also, not for the first time, she wondered why Spike couldn't have had the foresight to demand full humanity as long as he was asking for stuff. Poor planning, as usual.
She rolled onto her back and stared at the streaks of sunshine on the ceiling, sneaking through the closed blinds. She idly realized she hadn't opened her blinds in two months now and wondered if she ever would need to again.
"You're way too gloomy for a beautiful, sunny morning," she scolded herself mentally, but couldn't help worrying at the problem facing her. It was almost crunch time. She could feel it coming. Big, life-altering decisions were going to have to be made and they loomed before her like the most sinister monster she had ever fought.
"But not yet. Not yet," she repeated her new mantra, as she pushed off the covers and rose to go brew her morning - actually early afternoon - coffee.
The house was uncharacteristically quiet with Dawn's big mouth out of the picture. Buffy wondered how the research party at Willow's was going. She started the coffee maker, then sat down at the table with a bowl of cereal and the book she was working on, "The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire." It was kinda dry, but she knew if it got too boring she could get Spike to synopsize the rest for her - and she could happily listen to him talk for hours.
Flipping through the pages, she considered what a shock it would be to her high school self that history actually interested her now. She'd always been too busy dealing with the constant crises of Slayership to think beyond the moment. People (read that "Xander") could convince themselves all they wanted that she and Spike had a purely sexual relationship, but the vampire had opened new areas of knowledge and awakened a new self- confidence that she hadn't even known was missing. Yes, Slayer can read. Slayer can think and form opinions about things other than strategizing battle plans.
It had been a real hoot to find out the truth about Spike's upper middle class roots, which he had so carefully tried to bury under the "Spike" persona. Buffy smiled as a random line from "Shrek" floated into her mind, "Onions have layers. Ogres have layers." Well, Spike definitely had layers, some of which he would only show to her, and that, in a nutshell, was what the others would never understand.
Buffy found her place and began to read about the exploits of Caligula.
*********
"Okay. Is it time to start bashing heads yet," Faith asked, gazing at the disgusting thing on the floor between them.
"Not yet. I think it's the let's-get-the-hell-outta-here-and-check-in-with- Willow-and -Dawn time. I'm sure we'll be back here sooner than we want to be." Xander removed a pillowcase from the bed and picked the bone up with it, shuddering in revulsion. It's not like he hadn't seen his share of blood and guts in his years on the hellmouth, but....yeuch!
Faith checked through the blinds for the Happy Family and seeing the coast was clear, they made a dash for their car. They drove away in a spinout of gravel. When the car reached the road leading to the highway, Xander released a pent up breath he hadn't even realized he was holding.
"Whew! That was seriously freaky." He glanced over at Faith, who had tossed her bits of evidence in the back and currently had a lapful of wiggling dog.
"I still say we bust 'em - shake 'em up, ask some questions. I mean, look at this shit," she gestured to the back seat. "You got a book, blood and a bone, Macardle's signature in the register, and a group of weirdos that make the Manson family look sane. What else do you need?"
"Motive would be good," Xander replied.
"They're whack-jobs! What other motive do they need?" Faith exclaimed in frustration. "Probably not even human."
"Well, for now we have to give 'innocent 'til proven guilty' a shot. It could be a complete coincidence that the Watcher spent the night there then disappeared. And as for the bone....a-and the blood....." He fished for an explanation, then fell silent.
"Whatever." Faith sighed. "But if they get away while we're messing around playing the Hardy Boy and Nancy Drews, it's on your head." She settled back in the seat and stared out the window, absently running a hand over the dog's rough coat.
They drove in silence for awhile, then Xander's stomach let out a resounding rumble.
"You want to stop for lunch?" he asked his quiet companion. "Will and Dawn probably aren't back yet, and if they are, they can wait a few."
"If you want." Faith frowned. "But, I'm a little short....still need to pick up my Council-cash. Could you spot me a five?"
"My treat," Xander said. "There's a nice Mexican restaurant out this way I haven't been to for a long time."
"You sure?" Faith looked at him, her hard eyes considering - weighing and measuring his intentions. "Fast food is fine with me."
"No. I want to. You'll like it." The young man studied the road in front of him with intense interest.
She shrugged and turned back to her window, still fussing with the dog's fur.
"Look," she said after a minute, her voice pitched so low he could barely hear it. "This isn't like a - a frigging date or something, is it?"
"No!" Xander negated violently, shaking his head. "No. It's just....just lunch."
"That's good, cause...you know, it'd be too weird."
"Definitely," he said emphatically. "Off the weird-o-meter. No. No. No. We're just two people eating together."
"Right. Just checking. I mean, after last night, I thought maybe you thought....I don't know. I was coming on kinda strong. Had a little too much to drink and I love dancing."
'Yes you do!' he thought, but said, "No. I didn't think anything. Not a thought in my head. It was a good time. No big deal."
"So long as we're clear." Faith fell silent again.
Xander searched for a topic to alleviate the awkward silence.
"Um, do you like movies?" he asked.
"Sure."
"What do you like? Action? Comedy? Drama?"
"Action I guess." She paused as though considering. "Anything really. You spend a lot of time watching TV when you're living out of motels."
"You watch a lot of TV living in a normal American household," Xander replied, then pursued a question he'd had for a long time. "How long were you on your own, Faith? And when did you leave your family and start your training with your Watcher? I know Buffy got started late. So I have to ask, if fifteen is considered late, what's the normal age for a Slayer to start training."
"I was contacted by the Council when I was thirteen."
"And your parents just...." He was going to say 'gave you up' but replaced it with the kinder, "put you into your Watcher's care."
Faith shrugged. "I had already been through about a dozen foster homes so it wasn't a big deal. I was glad to go. Always felt different anyway, and now I could finally understand why."
"What about your biological parents? What happened to them?" he asked. He glanced over to catch her frowning slightly. "Just tell me to shut up if I'm being too nosy."
She hesitated long enough that Xander was sure she was going to say, 'You are', then answered, "Don't know about my dad, but my mom died. They took me away from her long before that, though. She was a junky." The young woman's voice was remote as she told her tale. "My second grade teacher's the one blew the whistle on her - for neglect I guess, cause she never hit me, and pretty soon I was in the system. Just another statistic."
Faith rolled her shoulders and smiled, curving those full, luscious lips. "But, I don't dwell on that shit. It was a long time ago. It happened. It's over and bitching about it's not gonna change anything, you know? Ya gotta live for the moment."
"You're right," Xander agreed, thinking about Sunday dinner battlegrounds and drunken bellowing at his Little League games. "No point remembering some things."
But he couldn't resist pressing just a little further, "And you were on your own for awhile after your Watcher died? Then you came to Sunnydale."
"Yeah, that's the story. Enough Q & A, okay, Ace?" Faith snapped, losing patience.
"Sorry." They resumed silence as the car turned from the back road onto the highway.
Scrunching back down into her corner of the car, Faith contemplated just how big Harris' mouth was. The man couldn't take two minutes of silence without bursting into chatter. Long days and nights of solitude had taught her the comfort of quiet. She could wrap it around her like a quilt and be content.
Alexander Harris was an odd contradiction. In some ways he seemed much more confident and mature than the high-school kid she remembered, but at times he would slip back into that persona like an ill-fitting suit, hiding behind the jokes and babble that masked his insecurities. When would he get rid of that security blanket?
She cut her eyes over to where Xander's hands rested on the steering wheel. They were large, competent looking hands, callused and rough from his trade. She wondered what they would feel like on her skin, maybe caressing her back, her hips, her thighs with sandpaper softness. She wondered how much experience he'd gained over the past few years. What would he be like in bed now - a man instead of a boy?
Faith quickly derailed her thoughts from that line and tried to concentrate on the clues they had gathered and what they pointed to, other than the fact that her Watcher had been murdered and dismembered by a family of psychos. She was glad Willow and Dawn had taken the lead in the research aspect of finding the Watcher or she'd still be sitting at Buffy's with her thumb up her butt. She had never realized before how truly badly she sucked at figuring things out. Slay, screw, eat, drink and be merry had pretty much been her motto. Now she was going to have to learn to be much more of a planner if she was going to fill Buffy's shoes.
The car pulled up in front of a stucco building shaped vaguely like the Alamo. A southwestern flavored sign announced it to be "Mi Ranchito". Faith and Xander got out of the car and closed the door on Rufus with difficulty. He was determined not to be left behind this time and almost got his muzzle shut in the door.
They entered the restaurant and were ushered to a table on the patio per Xander's request. It was one of those perfect, sunny fall days that call for you to spend time outdoors. They were soon seated at an umbrella- shaded table, enjoying the fresh breeze and view of the shoppers passing by on the sidewalk. Xander ordered a pair of margueritas and they perused the menu.
"This is nice. Uh, thanks," Faith said, trying to remember her manners.
"My pleasure," he replied gallantly. "The fajitas are excellent," he recommended.
Faith nodded and resumed studying the menu. This whole experience was freaking her out. She'd never spent time with someone so.....polite before, besides nighttime was her place. She wasn't big on sunshine and felt somehow exposed and vulnerable sitting here at an open air table.
Xander looked up from his menu to see Faith's pale face turned toward the passers-by, eyes wide and scanning. Her leg jiggle was back and vibrating the table with its motion.
"Something wrong?"
"Huh? No. It's cool. I'm just....." Faith looked back at the menu. "Fajitas, eh? Yeah. That sounds good." She closed it, set it on the table, and lounged back in her chair, legs apart and looking cool and at ease. Only the telltale drumming of her left leg betrayed any anxiety.
The waiter came by and Xander placed the order for both of them. Faith watched his face, all business as he ordered side salads and asked her what dressing she wanted on hers. Such serious brown eyes - a mirror image of her own, but with a softness she had never seen in her own reflection. God, he was charming!
After the waiter left, Faith folded her arms across her chest, and pinning Xander with a teasing look, began her own grilling.
"So, Xan-man, what've you been up to these past couple of years? I mean, other than the building gig. Why does a hottie like you not have a fish on the line?"
"Poor casting, I guess, or maybe I'm at the wrong fishing hole," he quipped. "Actually, I had someone....for a long time. But it didn't work out so..... Guess you could say I'm between fish right now." He toyed with his silverware, not meeting her gaze, and Faith guessed the wound was still fresh.
"Anyone I know?" Her thoughts automatically turned to Buffy. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see the way he'd been sniffing around after her back in high school. His answer surprised her.
"Yes. You met Anya - the woman at the Magic Box. We dated since high school. Were even engaged, but...." he laughed bitterly. "I balked at the altar. We tried to make it up later, but.....I don't know. Maybe my gut feeling was right. Maybe we weren't meant to be together."
"But you're still friends? How can you stand to be around her? Doesn't it hurt."
"Buffy and I were talking about that yesterday, just before you got here. I guess....I mean, I think I'm over her. I can look at Anya now and just feel - friendly. She's happy with her shop, and she's started dating a guy, and I'm actually happy that she's happy."
"Wow. You don't hear a guy say that very often."
"I think I mean it, too," Xander marveled. "We were so young when we got together.....well, that's not strictly true, Anya was a 1,000 year old vengeance demon before Giles broke her power and she became human. But she was inexperienced at being a human and I was inexperienced at....." He broke off quickly, remembering that other than groping Cordelia in a broom closet, Faith was his only other sexual experience before Anya. "....pretty much everything. We just went to the prom together, and before I knew it we were a couple. I don't know if we chose our relationship so much as accepted it by default."
"Jesus, you are a bunch of crazy kids! First Buffy and her TWO vamps, Willow and her wolf-boy, now you and a vengeance demon. The kinks just keep on coming!"
"EX- vengeance demon," Xander corrected huffily.
"Whatever. Still, I don't remember seeing this chick around Sunnydale High," Faith continued. "Of course, it's not like I ever came to class or went to a football game or anything."
It took every ounce of willpower for Xander to refrain from saying, "No, you were too busy teaming up with Mayor Wilkins to betray and try to kill us all," but he managed and said instead, "Well, you wouldn't have noticed. Anya looks like a normal girl when she's not all vengeancy."
"So that's it, Slick? You've had a big crush on Buffy, a little song and dance with Cordelia, and then the main event with your vengeance girl and nothing since? You telling me you never got up to any extra-curricular activities the whole time you were with this Anya?"
"No! I would never...I never even thought of..." Xander was so wide-eyed in shock and indignation that Faith knew it was true. "She was my fiancé! I wouldn't..!"
"Okay! Okay! Got ya. You're not the sleep around kind." A certain memory crossed their minds at the same moment, and they both froze for a second remembering the unexpected and very sweaty twenty minutes they had shared. "Well, not much, anyway." Faith added with a sly smile. "Not a cheat, anyway."
"Nope.or.well, no..." Another memory seemed to flash across Xander's honest face, and Faith sensed a story.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Come on," she wheedled. "You tell me yours. I'll tell you mine."
Xander perked up at the thought of hearing about Faith's sexploits, and shrugging, decided to share his long ago and oh-so-innocent indiscretion.
"Well, when I was with Cordelia I, um, kissed Willow a few times."
"You animal!" Faith mocked. "You should be taken out and castrated. It'd be a service to women."
"At the time it was a very big deal!" he protested. "In retrospect, Cordy treated me like a sack of shit most of the time, and I don't feel very bad about the whole thing."
Faith laughed wholeheartedly. "Harris you are the last of the boy scouts. If that's the worst sin you can come up with..."
"Okay, how about you Miss Tough-As-Nails. Are you really as bad as you make out or is it a lot of talk?"
She gave him a "you have to ask?" look, and he amended, "I mean, other than the whole allying yourself with the Mayor (and trying to choke me) and taking over Buffy's body and general mayhem, do you really live the wild life you claim? Do you 'get around' a lot?"
"Yep," she said simply, "Keeps things fresh. You never know what you're getting."
"And that's a 'good' thing? Aren't you afraid of, I don't know, catching diseases and dying alone? Don't you want something more permanent?"
"No." Faith waited while the waiter placed their salads, then left. "Use 'em and lose 'em. It's neat and easy. I don't like complications."
Xander shook his head, but refrained from saying "It sounds more lonely and pathetic."
"Besides, you know a slayer's life expectancy. What's the point of getting involved?"
"So what's the wildest thing you've ever done, Faith?" he lightened the tone of the conversation with a teasing note in his voice.
"The wildest thing? You're not ready to hear about it, Stud, but I will tell you a little girls-in-chains epic from my prison days." She leaned forward, eyes dancing with mischief, tongue slipping over her lips lasciviously. "There was Skinny Louise and Wanda and me, and we were all.." As she spun the tall tale, Xander played along, managing to look appropriately shocked and turned on by the girl on girl action.
"Uh, Faith?" He finally interrupted her descriptive narrative.
"Yeah?"
"I already saw this movie on Hotnt. Good storytelling, though, better than my first grade teacher, Mrs. Breckenmeyer."
Faith grinned. "You don't believe me?"
"Not for a second."
She laughed aloud, the first open, unguarded sound he'd heard from her.
"Okay. You got me," she said. "No prison flings, just a lot of long, lonely nights." She leveled a seductive gaze at Xander. "A LOT." The subtext 'I'm sick of being horny and alone' was clear, and Xander wondered what the holy heck she wanted out of him. She was sending such mixed signals he was at a loss.
The waiter brought their main course and saved Xander from having to think up a clever retort. As soon as the man left, he steered the conversation into shallow waters.
"So, what do you think the chances are we'll find Macardle alive? I mean, the bone seems kind of old to me, not that I'm a forensic expert or anything, but shouldn't it look whiter or fresher?"
"Search me?" Faith shrugged, going along with the change in topic. "Good point, though. Will the Dynamic Duo have some way to test for that?"
"Whatever we need to know, Will always finds a way to supply the answers. Even if she can't do it herself, she'll know where to take it."
"Useful girl. She'd of made a great Watcher."
"Yeah. She could shake the Council up from within. God knows they could use it." A thought occurred to him. "Hey. How did you get Council to cough money up for you? Buffy's been trying for years to get at least her basic needs covered and no go."
"I don't know," Faith answered. "And, I don't know how generous they're going to be with me yet. I'll believe they wired me cash when I see it."
"We can check on the way back to Willow's."
Conversation languished, as they ate their meal and Xander paid the bill. Walking back to the car, Faith thanked him again for lunch.
"No problem," he replied.
Xander unlocked and opened the car door, and Rufus spilled out and began leaping joyously around them. Considering that he'd better get a leash if he was going to keep the beast, Xander watched him take a dump on the lawn right in front of the restaurant. Chagrined, he urged the dog back in the car so they could speed away before anyone noticed.
Settled back in the vehicle and on the road again, Faith hesitated then plunged into the apology that had been worrying at her mind ever since she got to Sunnydale.
"Look, Harris," she began brusquely. "I know I haven't said it yet...or maybe I did and didn't sound like I meant it....but I'm sorry. Know it doesn't change anything, but I want you to know it. I'm sorry for all the shitty things I did to your friends, to everyone in this town, and to you personally." She heaved a quick, heavy sigh. "There! Did it." She smiled, ironically. "We had mandatory therapy in prison. This is step two - making amends."
"What was step one?"
"Admitting fault. That one took me awhile, but hours of time on your hands leads to a lot of reflection."
"So, you've made it through two steps, what's next?" he asked.
"Change. I'm supposed to change my behavior patterns that lead to violence," she exchanged a look with Xander and he burst out laughing at the irony.
"You need to change professions then, girlie. Maybe something quiet and non-contact like an accountant."
"Librarian," Faith suggested.
"Museum curator."
"How 'bout a clown. I could make all the little kiddies happy."
"No! No clowns," Xander countered. "They're evil and contrary to popular opinion little kids do NOT like them."
"Bad experience, huh?" Faith asked.
"Long story. Anyway, back to step two....I accept your apology and give you absolution. Are we square now?"
"If you say we are." Faith matched his light tone, but he could see the question in her eyes. She looked the way he used to feel back in high school when he had asked someone out and was waiting to get shot down.
"We are," he said firmly. "It starts fresh from here." It sounded really good, even though there was no way forgiving and forgetting was ever that easy.
Faith dropped her head and smiled a little to herself. After a moment, she raised her chin again and treated Xander to a full-on flirtatious Faith grin. "Thanks, Andy. You're a good guy."
"No problem...Grace," he answered.
To be continued