Disillusioned
Author: Oro
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Sorkin's.
Notes: Um. This is a choose-your-own-ship... personally, I choose CJ/Toby.
Do you remember, back when we were good and pure and filled with idealism; golden and fiercely defending our positions, not so much with the trying to make every point of view our own, without losing our basic interests. We don't even see past the getting people to look past the bullshit point, you know what I mean?
It doesn't matter. I look at you and you're so beautiful, so beautiful and disillusioned. You say, 'don't you want your children to know something better than this?' and look at me with such sadness as you turn off the TV as to shut off the killing, if only for a little while; and the room goes silent. Do you ever notice how it's never really silent, how something always makes even the slightest noise, whether it is faded noise coming out of someplace farther, whether it's just the sound of your own breath?
Do you remember, back when we thought there was a difference to make, that there are higher levels of, whatever, of this: because it can be better, we can make it better, be better. If we make it the way it was supposed to be in our minds, do we become more than we were before?
A tear trickles down your cheek and I suddenly notice it's raining outside. My finger traces the thin line, from your eyes to your cheek to your chin and it is unusual for me, but I forget that it is and do it anyway, because it seems like the right thing to do. I kiss you and it doesn't occur to me that we haven't before, not until it's over and you remind me that we haven't, can't, shouldn't.
Because we used to be these people and we grew out of it.