The thousand deaths of the fellowship, Book Two.
Summary: Well here is the second part of my oh so sadistic "The thousand deaths of the fellowship" There was plenty more killing to be done, so here it is............
~Balin's tomb~
Boromir leans a little too far outside that door in Balin's tomb
* * *
As Legolas throws and axe to Boromir to block the door in Balin's tomb.
"Aaaarghh! Gurgle gurgle"
"Oops, sorry, handle first, handle first" Legolas says smacking his forehead.
* * *
Pippin, terribly depressed at Gandalf's comment, *does* throw himself down the well
* * *
Frodo thinks the mithril will make him look fat and so doesn't' wear it into Moria
~On the run in Moria~
Instead of pulling Boromir back from the edge when running from the Balrog, Legolas continues on and smacks into the man of Gondor.....they both fall over the edge.
~On the broken bridge in Moria~
Gimli: "Not the beard!" Legolas: "Alright" Legolas lets go and Gimli falls to his death ^__^
Still on the bridge..... Aragorn throws Sam across........ Legolas misses the hobbit and Sam falls to his death. Legolas "I wasn't ready; throw me another one...."
* * *
As bridge begins to collapse and Aragorn and Frodo are still on other side.......... Aragorn: "I can make this" He starts to get a run up and falls down into nothingness ala Homer Simpson in the 3D episode "Do'h!"
* * *
~In dwarven hall in moria~
Gandalf: "A Balrog. A demo....."
Legolas "oh no you don't!"
Legolas steps up behind the wizard and stabs him in the back. Straightening out his tunic and composing himself he points at the end of the hall. "Ai, Ai, a Balrog, A Balrog is come!" As the fellowship flees he kicks Gandalf's corpse "Nobody steals my lines"
* * *
~The Bridge of Khazad-dum~
Gimli's beard spontaneously catches on fire and he rolls of the bridge in an attempt to put it out.
~Outside Moria (the other side)~
After the escape from Moria
Aragorn: "Where's Frodo"
Frodo is running back into Moria
"I'll save you Gandalf!"
~Lothlorien~
Haldir "The dwarf breaths so loud we could have shot him in the dark"
Aragorn starts to talk to Haldir but is interrupted when the elf falls down dead. There is a distinctly Mirkwood looking arrow in his back "Poncy little twit" says Legolas in defence
* * *
Legolas accidentally spills jug of water on Galadriel "Nooooooooooooo I'm melting, meeeeeeeelllllllllllting"
* * * Frodo looks into the mirror of Galadriel. He sees the elvan queen kissing him passionately
"I know what it is you have seen, for it is also in my mind" she winks at him Frodo runs away in terror and trips down the stairs, falling to his death.
* * * Galadriel goes all green
"ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DISPAIR!"
Suddenly Sam leaps from behind and severs her head off
"Oh that was close, wasn't it Mr Frodo. What was that?"
Aragorn rushes forward
"Grammy?" he whimpers
~Somewhere in the wilds~
Legolas' body is found mysteriously with an axe buried in his back. The fellowship is puzzled
* * *
Merry annoyed that Pippin gets all the attention stags a murder suicide.
* * *
After eating only lembas for weeks on end the fellowship contract and die from scurvy
* * *
Gimli is just standing there when a minivan falls out of the sky and crushes him *Authoress dusts off her hands * "eheheh"
* * *
Boromir misplaces the Horn of Gondor. After trying to replace it with a kazoo, a harmonica, a French horn and a tuba, he kills himself out of grief
~Amon hen~
"A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind." Aragorn suddenly becomes enraged and kills Legolas "Huh, steal * my * line would you."
* * *
Legolas kills Aragorn after he kisses Boromir
"You said you loved me you clod!"
* * *
What remains of the fellowship after Boromir's death forgets about elvan sleeping habits and, mistaking Legolas for dead they decide to throw him over the falls.
*Aragorn chucks Legolas in the boat on top of Boromir. *
"Ouch"
"What was that?" asks Gimli
"Oh bodies make all kinds of noises, gas escaping and so forth" replied Aragorn
*They push the boat down into the river *
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh shhhhhhhhh....." is heard as the boat goes over the falls
Gimli looks at Aragorn
"Escaping gas" he replies
* * * -Some time later-
"Wait a second Aragorn, don't elves sleep with their eyes open?"
"Oh yeah"
"Shouldn't you have known that since you lived with elves all those years?"
"Oh, I forgot"
Ok, deathroll
Boromir: 4, Pippin: 2, Frodo: 4, Legolas: 3, Gimli: 3, Sam: 1, Aragorn: 2, Gandalf: 1, Haldir: 1, Galadriel: 2, Merry: 1, The entire fellowship: 1. It would appear to be a tie between Boromir and the Ringbearer. Look out soon for my next chapter: The extended death of the fellowship
Summary: Well here is the second part of my oh so sadistic "The thousand deaths of the fellowship" There was plenty more killing to be done, so here it is............
~Balin's tomb~
Boromir leans a little too far outside that door in Balin's tomb
* * *
As Legolas throws and axe to Boromir to block the door in Balin's tomb.
"Aaaarghh! Gurgle gurgle"
"Oops, sorry, handle first, handle first" Legolas says smacking his forehead.
* * *
Pippin, terribly depressed at Gandalf's comment, *does* throw himself down the well
* * *
Frodo thinks the mithril will make him look fat and so doesn't' wear it into Moria
~On the run in Moria~
Instead of pulling Boromir back from the edge when running from the Balrog, Legolas continues on and smacks into the man of Gondor.....they both fall over the edge.
~On the broken bridge in Moria~
Gimli: "Not the beard!" Legolas: "Alright" Legolas lets go and Gimli falls to his death ^__^
Still on the bridge..... Aragorn throws Sam across........ Legolas misses the hobbit and Sam falls to his death. Legolas "I wasn't ready; throw me another one...."
* * *
As bridge begins to collapse and Aragorn and Frodo are still on other side.......... Aragorn: "I can make this" He starts to get a run up and falls down into nothingness ala Homer Simpson in the 3D episode "Do'h!"
* * *
~In dwarven hall in moria~
Gandalf: "A Balrog. A demo....."
Legolas "oh no you don't!"
Legolas steps up behind the wizard and stabs him in the back. Straightening out his tunic and composing himself he points at the end of the hall. "Ai, Ai, a Balrog, A Balrog is come!" As the fellowship flees he kicks Gandalf's corpse "Nobody steals my lines"
* * *
~The Bridge of Khazad-dum~
Gimli's beard spontaneously catches on fire and he rolls of the bridge in an attempt to put it out.
~Outside Moria (the other side)~
After the escape from Moria
Aragorn: "Where's Frodo"
Frodo is running back into Moria
"I'll save you Gandalf!"
~Lothlorien~
Haldir "The dwarf breaths so loud we could have shot him in the dark"
Aragorn starts to talk to Haldir but is interrupted when the elf falls down dead. There is a distinctly Mirkwood looking arrow in his back "Poncy little twit" says Legolas in defence
* * *
Legolas accidentally spills jug of water on Galadriel "Nooooooooooooo I'm melting, meeeeeeeelllllllllllting"
* * * Frodo looks into the mirror of Galadriel. He sees the elvan queen kissing him passionately
"I know what it is you have seen, for it is also in my mind" she winks at him Frodo runs away in terror and trips down the stairs, falling to his death.
* * * Galadriel goes all green
"ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DISPAIR!"
Suddenly Sam leaps from behind and severs her head off
"Oh that was close, wasn't it Mr Frodo. What was that?"
Aragorn rushes forward
"Grammy?" he whimpers
~Somewhere in the wilds~
Legolas' body is found mysteriously with an axe buried in his back. The fellowship is puzzled
* * *
Merry annoyed that Pippin gets all the attention stags a murder suicide.
* * *
After eating only lembas for weeks on end the fellowship contract and die from scurvy
* * *
Gimli is just standing there when a minivan falls out of the sky and crushes him *Authoress dusts off her hands * "eheheh"
* * *
Boromir misplaces the Horn of Gondor. After trying to replace it with a kazoo, a harmonica, a French horn and a tuba, he kills himself out of grief
~Amon hen~
"A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind." Aragorn suddenly becomes enraged and kills Legolas "Huh, steal * my * line would you."
* * *
Legolas kills Aragorn after he kisses Boromir
"You said you loved me you clod!"
* * *
What remains of the fellowship after Boromir's death forgets about elvan sleeping habits and, mistaking Legolas for dead they decide to throw him over the falls.
*Aragorn chucks Legolas in the boat on top of Boromir. *
"Ouch"
"What was that?" asks Gimli
"Oh bodies make all kinds of noises, gas escaping and so forth" replied Aragorn
*They push the boat down into the river *
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh shhhhhhhhh....." is heard as the boat goes over the falls
Gimli looks at Aragorn
"Escaping gas" he replies
* * * -Some time later-
"Wait a second Aragorn, don't elves sleep with their eyes open?"
"Oh yeah"
"Shouldn't you have known that since you lived with elves all those years?"
"Oh, I forgot"
Ok, deathroll
Boromir: 4, Pippin: 2, Frodo: 4, Legolas: 3, Gimli: 3, Sam: 1, Aragorn: 2, Gandalf: 1, Haldir: 1, Galadriel: 2, Merry: 1, The entire fellowship: 1. It would appear to be a tie between Boromir and the Ringbearer. Look out soon for my next chapter: The extended death of the fellowship