Race to the Line
by Michael Segekihei

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.

A/N: All right, here's a brand new fic for you greedy readers who can't stop reading. Okay, so you're not greedy. But either way...

Here's how this'll work. This is going to be updated when I can, which, knowing my school schedule, teachers, and homework levels, will be every few weeks (maybe, if you're lucky). Of course, you don't even know what this is, unless you read the summary, which I assume you did, which makes this sentence useless. Anyway...

Everything will be explained in a minute.

Oh yeah! I almost forgot. If I get enough interest, I may run a contest that'll run throughout the series. And judging by the length of this series, it may be a while. But I digress. If you're interested, say so in an interview.

Everything will be explained in a minute.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. ABSOLUTELY SQUAT. Got it?

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(A news room. The 'Race to the Line' logo is in the background on a screen and on the main desk. Behind the desk is the host, Michael Segekihei. The camera zooms in on him.)

Michael: Hello, viewers...readers...whatever. I'm Michael Segekihei, and I'm your host for 'Race to the Line', the newest show from .Seg Inc. .Seg Inc brought you LOST (which, by the way, is more likely than not on the chopping block), Big Bowser (which is looooong dead), and Ask Dem Smashing Folk (which I loved, but was killed by the KillBots). And we're hoping to do much better this time around. Emphasis on hope, however. (pause, cough, ahem) Anyway, let me give a little background information. 'Race to the Line' is a competition between twelve anime characters, completing tasks across America to get clues on where the finish line is, which they must then cross. The first person across the finish line wins $50,000 and a trip to fabulous Bermuda! And we will keep everyone out of the Bermuda Triangle. We hope.

Stagehand Walking By: Isn't this just a ripoff of ESPN's "Beg, Borrow, and Deal" and Zoids' "Royal Cup"?

Michael: ...you're fired.

SWB: Yes! I'm free! (runs out the door)

Michael: (pauses, then shakes his head) Back to business. The twelve anime characters will start in a randomly selected place in the United States. How will we decide? Allow me to show you.

(Michael Segekihei walks away from his desk and out of frame. An awkward moment happens, as the camera remains still for a minute.)

Michael: (off screen, or OS) Idiot.

Cameraman: (OS) What?

Michael: (OS) Turn the camera!

Cameraman: (OS) Oh. Right.

(The camera turns quickly, passes by Michael, and swirls back around to the desk.)

Michael: (OS) You're fired.

Cameraman: (OS) Pfft, whatever.

(Footsteps are heard and a door slams. Michael emits an audible sigh and grabs the camera, turning it towards him.)

Michael: (sigh) Am I gonna have to run this myself?

(A whistle blows.)

Stagehand: Hey, lunch.

Michael: Ooh, lunch! What are they serving today?

Stagehand: I think it's Popcorn Chicken.

Michael: Ooh, from KFC?

Stagehand: Most likely.

Michael: (throws hands in the air in triumph) Booyah!

(Michael and Stagehand walk offstage. The lights cut out as everyone leaves.)

-----=====~~~~~=====-----

(The lights go back on. Michael walks back in frame.)

Michael: Mmm, PC from KFC. (pause) Are we still rolling?

Stagehand: (OS) Yeah.

Michael: Edit that out. Anyway, let's move on. Behind this convieniently placed curtain (points towards aforementioned curtain) is the mysterious method we'll use to find out where the contestants will start. Lift it!

(Pause.)

Michael: (eye twitches) ...

Stagehand: Oh, sorry! (lifts curtain)

(The curtain lifts to show a large wheel. On the wheel are twelve cities in the United States.)

Michael: On this wheel are twelve cities in the United States. They are...

(Michael spins the wheel slowly, stopping the wheel at each city on the pointer as he says them.)

Michael: Boston, Massachusetts; New York City, New York; Los Angeles, California; Orlando, Florida; Phoenix, Arizona; Hollywood, California; Augusta, Maine; Cleveland, Ohio; Nashville, Tennessee; Chicago, Illinois; Providence, Rhode Island; and Baton Rouge, Lousiana. Here we go...

(Michael spins the wheel as hard as he can. It spins, spins, spins, spins, spins, spins...and finally stops on...)

Michael: The starting point is Boston, Massachusetts! Wow, how convienient, seeing as I know that city best since I live there! Weird how these things work, eh? Anyway, we still need to decide our twelve contestants. And we have twenty anime characters here. Here's an unneccesary graphic showing all twenty.

(The twenty characters are on screen in their own photos in a 4 X 5 rectangle. However...they're all the same picture, a blackened outline of a person with a white question mark over them.)

Michael: Yes, we're not giving away who they are as of yet. But twelve of them will be selected right now!

(Another convieniently placed curtain raises to show a lottery machine. Inside are twenty balls labeled one through twenty. They're all bouncing around inside.)

Michael: We'll draw twelve numbers and tell you who will be playing. Here we go. Let's draw the first three balls.

(Three balls are launched out of the machine...and out of the holding tube as well. They're currently bouncing around on the ground.)

Michael: (eye twitches) ooooookay, let's forget that. How about we just take numbers 1 through 12, okay?

(Numbers 1 through 12 glow green and enlarge.)

Michael: They are...

(Each box zooms in, one at a time, showing one character as announced.)

Michael: Ruri Hoshino, from Martian Successor Nadesico.

(Ruri's picture appears and she remains emotionless.)

Michael: Vash the Stampede, from Trigun.

(Vash's picture shows and he laughs and gives the V sign with his fingers.)

Michael: And the man Vash puts to shame in celebrations, Ash Ketchum, from Pokémon.

(Ash attempts to do Vash's laugh, but ends up failing miserably. Unfazed, he as well gives a V sign.)

Michael: Ruri?

Ruri: Idiots?

Michael: Thank you. Next is Joey Wheeler, from Yu-Gi-Oh!

(Joey smiles, and tries to pull off a V, but instead winds up cracking one of his fingers with an audible snap. He flinches, but continues a rather forced smile.)

Michael: Ruri will be getting hoarse by this game is done. Let's move on to the next contestant, Yugi Moto, from Yu-Gi-Oh!

(Yugi wisely decides not to attempt a V sign, but just smiles.)

Michael: Next is Misty Waterflower, from Pokémon.

(Misty smiles and Psyduck pops out of his Pokéball. Misty sweatdrops and puts him back into the ball.)

Michael: Halfway through the twelve, we now have Akito Tenkawa, from Martian Successor Nadesico.

(Akito waves and seems slightly enthusiastic to be here.)

Michael: Number eight is Yurika Misumaru, from Martian Successor Nadesico.

(A blank wall. The camera moves over to see Yurika giving Akito a hug. Akito sweatdrops.)

Michael: ...well, casting should have expected that. Number nine is Tai Kamiya, from Digimon.

(Tai smiles. That's about it. He was never big on introductions.)

Michael: Number ten is Brock Slate, from Pokémon.

(Brock gives a V sign, and for once, nothing stupid happens.)

Brock: Why should Ash get all the victories?

(Ash walks into frame.)

Ash: Because I can get a date.

Brock: (turning towards Ash) Oh yeah? Name one.

Ash: ...Duplica.

Brock: ...That wasn't a date! She flirted! F-L-I--

Ash: I know how to spell.

Brock: And besides, you only really got a date in Freedom Fighter's "Adventure Series!" And it wasn't even a date! IT WAS BARELY FLIRTING!

Ash: (covers Brock's mouth) Shut up...we're not supposed to cross-reference fanfics that alter our series!

Brock: Oh, right. (ahem, grin)

Michael: ...Ruri?

Ruri: Idiots. (takes a throat lozenge)

Michael: Thank you. Contestant...what are we up to, ten? Eleven?

Stagehand: Eleven.

Michael: Okay, contestant eleven is Jet Black.

(Jet remains emotionless and shrugs.)

Michael: And finally, contestant twelve is...(reads card) Oh no...(sigh) Contestant twelve is the mystery cameo.

(The question mark remains a question mark.)

Michael: Who thought this idea up? Anyway, one reader will get to actually participate in 'Race to the Line'. If you'd like to sign up, just say so in a review. I'll pick one person to compete.

(He walks away from the eleven anime characters and back towards the main desk.)

Michael: But now, there's one last task. Randomly assigning the twelve contestants! Yes, the contestants will be split into six teams of two. And yes, I didn't know this was coming either, but we're running a little short for the episode and we want to stretch it out a bit. Plus, we need legal supervision for some of the cast, since they're technically minors. Although some are more mature than others...

(Split screen of Ruri and Ash. Ruri is maturely sitting...and Ash is grinning wildly flashing the V sign repeatedly.)

Michael: Here's hoping they don't get paired together...well, let's get going.

(He flips open a laptop which is connected into a TV screen.)

Michael: I'm doing this myself so nothing can break. I hope.

(He logs onto the official 'Race to the Line' website...and gets a 404.)

Michael: Oh yeah, we don't have a website! I forgot.

(The camera shakes as sounds of massive facefaults spread through the studio.)

Michael: Anyway, let's take the numbers assigned to the players, and randomly match them with their partner. And to whoever gets the cameo, good luck...you'll need it.

(Pictures of the twelve contestants begin to rotate quickly in two images. The two images are side by side and are live shots of the contestants.)

Michael: When I hit Enter, the two images will slowly stop rotating for dramatic effect. When they stop, we have a pairing. Here we go...

(Michael presses Enter and gets...another 404.)

Michael: ... (eye twitches) Let's try this again...

(He restarts the program...and it crashes.)

Michael: (eye twitches, closes laptop) Tell you what, why don't we just draw from a hat?

(The eleven contestants walk towards a hat.)

Michael: Inside this hat are two copies of the numbers 1 through 6. Whoever pulls out the pair to your number is your teammate.

(1. ????? and ?????
2. ????? and ?????
3. ????? and ?????
4. ????? and ?????
5. ????? and ?????
6. ????? and ?????)

Michael: Okay, I'll draw for the cameo. (reaches into the hat and pulls out a number) The cameo is in pairing 4. Okay, everyone draw!

(1. ????? and ?????
2. ????? and ?????
3. ????? and ?????
4. Cameo and ?????
5. ????? and ?????
6. ????? and ?????)

Ruri: Fine. (reaches into the hat and pulls out...) 4.

(A collective sigh runs through the other ten.)

Michael: Ruri and the cameo will be a pairing. I'll let you decide a catchy name when you meet them.

Ruri: I can't wait. (end sarcasm)

(1. ????? and ?????
2. ????? and ?????
3. ????? and ?????
4. Cameo and Ruri Hoshino
5. ????? and ?????
6. ????? and ?????)

Michael: Next to draw is Vash the Stampede.

Vash: (reaches into the hat) I hope it's a good number!

Michael: Well, right now, there IS no good number, nor is there a bad number. It's all luck, and if Lady Luck is on your--

Vash: (holds up number in joy) 2!

Michael: ...You put Ash Ketchum to shame, Vash.

Ash: Yes he does!

Michael: Umm...

(1. ????? and ?????
2. Vash the Stampede and ?????
3. ????? and ?????
4. Cameo and Ruri Hoshino
5. ????? and ?????
6. ????? and ?????)

Michael: Next up is Ash Ketchum, aka Hospital Runaway Number One in Yu-Gi-Oh!

Ash: Huh?

Serenity: (walking into room randomly) Yeah, he was the guy hiding under my bed to escape hospital tests. He sounds just like Ash.

(pause)

Serenity: I'll let myself out. (walks away)

Michael: ...

Ash: Okay! (pulls out a number) 2!

Michael: Great, two airheads. (pauses) Well, I assume Vash is an airhead in later episodes. I only have the first few volumes.

(1. ????? and ?????
2. Vash the Stampede and Ash Ketchum
3. ????? and ?????
4. Cameo and Ruri Hoshino
5. ????? and ?????
6. ????? and ?????)

Michael: I guess that next up is Joey.

Joey: Okay...(draws a number) Looks like I'm number three!

(1. ????? and ?????
2. Vash the Stampede and Ash Ketchum
3. Joey Wheeler and ?????
4. Cameo and Ruri Hoshino
5. ????? and ?????
6. ????? and ?????)

Michael: Moving on then. Next is Yugi Moto.

(Yugi walks up to the hat and draws.)

Yugi: Number 1!

(1. Yugi Moto and ?????
2. Vash the Stampede and Ash Ketchum
3. Joey Wheeler and ?????
4. Cameo and Ruri Hoshino
5. ????? and ?????
6. ????? and ?????)

(Since I'm sure you're all getting bored of this drawing stuff, and I'm running out of space for the fic, let's cut to the chase. Here's the final graphic:

1. Yugi Moto and Jet Black
2. Vash the Stampede and Ash Ketchum
3. Joey Wheeler and Misty Waterflower
4. Cameo and Ruri Hoshino
5. Tai Kamiya and Brock Slate
6. Akito Tenkawa and Yurika Misumaru)

Michael: So there are our teams. If you'd like to play along with Ruri Hoshino, write it in a review and tell me! For everyone here at .Seg Inc, goodbye and goodnight!

(The light bulb blows out and the studio turns dark.)

Michael: (in the dark) GENERIC STAGEHAND NUMBER THREE!!!

Generic Stagehand Number Three: Yes?

Michael: ... No, you're supposed to cut out of the show with "GENERIC STAGEHAND NUMBER THREE!!!". It sounds funnier that way.

Cameraman 2: Oh! Okay.

(Fade to black, although it's already dark.)

Credits:

A MICHAEL SEGEKIHEI Production
Directed by MICHAEL SEGEKIHEI
Written by MICHAEL SEGEKIHEI
Everything by MICHAEL SEGEKIHEI
(except the cameo and the characters)

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Make sure to review and give me information about your character if you want in. The deadline is February 21st, so write in by then, because I'll be starting the first chapter on that date. Adios...