Title: The price of love (1)
Author: Ryan Bailey
E-mail: Lurchisme@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: The characters 'Shinji', 'Rei', 'Misato', and 'Asuka' belong to Gainex's series 'Neon Genisis Evangelion.'. I aren't making any money from this story. I don't have Gainex's permission to use their characters, or universe. This story is a sequel to Anthony's 'Second Chance' Fanfic. I've asked for, and received permission from Anthony to use his characters / universe.
Authors Notes: This Fanfic is a sequel to Second Chances, like I've already said. This might have one or two more following it, depending on how much I could be bothered writing them. All feedback is welcome. This is also my first Fanfic.
The Value of Love (1)
Shinji took in a deep breath and he said "I-I, I choose..........Rei" Asuka froze, not believing her ears. "I'm sorry Asuka, but I don't think we'd work as a couple." Said Shinji, turning to her. "I just don't think it would work." He was about to say more when Rei came up to Shinji, and put her arms on his shoulders. "Thank you Shinji." She whispered, and stood, looking at him. Shinji hesitated, his feelings for Rei battling with his compassion for Asuka. He looked at Asuka, but Asuka was leaving. Shinji looked back at Rei, and saw Rei waiting, smiling a small, happy smile and gazing into his eyes. As he looked back, he slowly forgot about Asuka.
Slowly forgot everything but Rei. Rei, the mysterious ice princess. The only one calm enough for Shinji to relate to. As Shinji looked into her eyes, the world changed. The outside world slowly receded. The sound of the clock, his own breathing, and the music from the party all slowly faded out. It was like the whole world had faded into the background, unable to touch them. Unable to intrude into the moment.
He could see Rei in front of him, see her blue hair, her crimson eye's, her normally calm face radiant with joy, and a little wonder at what was happening. He could hear the clock ticking, and the noise of the party, but the sound echoed, as though it was heard from a distance. The sound of her calm breathing seemed much louder. He could feel the gentle pressure of her arms on her shoulder, and suddenly wanted more. He reached forwards, and gently hugged Rei in a full body embrace. As his body met hers, he felt something in his mind. At first he though he had imagined it, then he felt it again, and recognized it as Rei. He pulled back a bit from his hug, and stared at Rei in wonder. Rei stared back, too lost in her joy to notice anything unusual.
As he stared at Rei, he felt his mind gently mesh with hers. Shinji was too calm to be afraid. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. As he reached out with his mind, he could feel her sorrow, her doubts, her soul. He looked around, and everything seemed. familiar. The same time he was looking, he felt someone. Rei. gently moving around inside his mind. He could feel Rei's mind around him. He could feel the loneliness Rei felt. He could see the pangs she felt when she saw other couples kissing, or even friends talking. He could see everything she kept hidden under her mask. And he knew Rei was seeing the same in him.
As Rei stared into Shinji's eye's, the rest of the world receded, till only his eye's existed. Huge blue pools she could drown in. She could see into Shinji, and was amazed to find someone like herself, but even more so. How he felt separated from everyone. How even in the midst of crowds, he felt completely alone. How conversations with others filled him with dread, with the fear he would say something stupid.
Shinji could see how Rei felt, how she longed for. needed Shinji. How for years her heart had only been a source of pain, like a jagged broken thing inside her. Much like Shinji had felt.
Rei could feel Shinji's need. Could feel his desperate desire to end the emptiness inside. How the void had sucked and twisted and almost destroyed him.
Rei, the answer to his loneliness. Shinji, the solution to her isolation.
They reached out for each other - and their minds merged. Even as he watched, Rei's mind began to change. Slowly at first, the hurt inside faded, the wounds healing, until they were nothing but memory's. He could feel his mind changing as well. As they stood there, gazing into each other's souls, their minds joined, filling the void that had always been there. They were now linked together. The pain, the loneliness was gone. The void inside was filled. They were no longer incomplete. They were now one. Separation was now impossible. (I think that's about the most WAFFy thing I've ever written.)
Asuka had moved to the balcony in a state of shock. She couldn't believe what had happened. Shinji was supposed to love her. There simply wasn't any other option. But Shinji had chosen Rei. Asuka had lost to Wondergirl. Asuka couldn't feel anything. Everything was numb. She just stood and stared across the city. Soon the numbness would fade, and then the pain would start. She didn't know how she would handle it. She didn't know if she wanted to try.
Misato came out to join her, beer in hand. "Bad news, huh?" Asuka didn't respond. "Asuka." "Leave it, Misato" said Asuka, in a monotone. "Asuka. I'm sorry" Asuka turned, and left.
Asuka had just left the apartment when she heard Misato's voice behind her. "Asuka, where are you going?"
She kept walking. Misato started walking beside her "Asuka, wait. I want to talk to you about this." Asuka kept walking, and said blankly "I don't want to talk about it."
Misato sighed. "Asuka. if you ever need anyone to talk to." Asuka kept walking.
Shinji and Rei stood staring into each others eyes for what seemed like eternity, exploring each other, getting to understand each other in the most intimate way possible. (Not that way, you hentai) They attracted a few strange glances when Misato came to get the beer she'd originally sent Shinji for, but they didn't notice. Slowly though, when they had learned all they could about each other, their minds separated, they drifted back to reality and they became aware of their surroundings again. Although their minds had separated, they still knew exactly what the other was thinking. Knew what the other was feeling. They had shared so much, they understood each other completely, each carrying a small part of the other with them. "Shinji. I have finally become one with you" Rei said, smiling gently. "Yes." Shinji replied. They hardly even needed to talk any more. Shinji knew what Rei was going to say before she said it. They were linked. He could feel the happiness flowing from her. And he knew Rei could feel his happiness too. Then he remembered Asuka. "Rei." he said. "I know." Said Rei. "I'll be waiting for you, Shinji-chan"
***
Asuka was lying on a park bench, staring at the stars.
Mother, I got better but... I still lost to Wondergirl. She thought. She heard footsteps walking towards her. It's strange... I should feel something, but I'm just.... numb. The footsteps stopped. "Asuka. we need to talk". It was Shinji. He sounded calm. "We do not need to talk" Asuka ground out. "Asuka, I know how you must be feeling, but you cant just keep it bottled up inside." Shinji said, ignoring her. Asuka's numbness suddenly vanished. It was replaced with anger. Asuka stood up, and faced Shinji. "You. Do. Not. Know. How. I. Feel." She spat, glaring at Shinji, who continued to look at her calmly. "You have no idea how I feel" Asuka practically yelled. "Why don't you and your blue haired slut go off and fuck each other. I can take of myself I don't need you. I don't need anyone" Asuka screamed into Shinji's face. "Just Fuck Off"
Shinji smile slipped a little. "Please.. Don't. Rei doesn't deserve that." Shinji took a few moments to regain his composure, and continued. "I know you want to be left alone, but you must remember that we care for you." "If you wish to make me feel better, leave Wondergirl" spat Asuka. "Asuka, I'm not right for you. You need someone who will challenge you, someone who can take what you dish out, and give it back. I don't think I could do that." Shinji said, trying to ignore her.
Asuka lashed out, slapped Shinji with as much force as she could muster. "How dare you? You. You. Baka! You chose that blue-haired slut over me. You would rather be with a doll than with me. You can save your sympathy and fuck off." She screamed at him. Shinji just stood there, weathering the storm. After she had finished, he wiped the spittle from his face, and said sadly: "Asuka." This was to much for Asuka to handle. She quickly lifted her knee, and kneed Shinji in the groin. Shinji, of course, collapsed. Asuka ran. Ran from Shinji, ran from herself. Tried to run from the pain. She burst into the apartment, past a drunk Hyuga and Misato, past Rei, and raced to her room, collapsing onto her bed in a flood of tears.
Shinji slowly dragged himself onto the park bench. Eventually, he recovered enough to notice Rei standing over him. "Shinji. You cannot help Asuka if she doesn't wish to be helped." Shinji stood, then limped back to the apartment, and into his room. Rei followed behind, silently.
Asuka lay on her bed, face pressed into her pillow, to hide the tears she shed. Asuka's door slid open. Asuka lifted her head and screamed "Fuck Off" Rei stood in the doorway. "Fuck off, Wondergirl" Asuka spat. "I don't need your sympathy, I don't need your help. Just fuck off."
"If you do not let anyone help you, you must help yourself." "More fortune cookie advice? If you want to make me feel better, go jump off the balcony." Rei just stood there. "Asuka. you hurt Shinji. He was trying to help and you hurt him." "So what? What are you going to do about it?" Asuka screamed again. "You will not hurt Shinji again" Rei stated. Rei left, shutting the door behind her.
Shinji slept. And as he slept, he dreamt. Again, he walked through the swirling mists. Dead branches rising through the waist-high fog, creating a surreal landscape. All around was nothing but mist, and the branches. "Kaoru" He called. "Kaoru? Are you there? I need you." He felt a hand on his shoulder. "Shinji, I am here" Shinji turned to see Kaoru beside him. Kaoru smiled. "Friends are those who are there when needed. I am here for you, Shinji. What is needed?" "Kaoru. I need your advice." Shinji explained what had happened in the previous day, including the attacks of the robots, his choice, and how Asuka had responded. Once he had finished, Kaoru looked grave. "Shinji. Asuka must decide for herself what to do now. You can offer your help, but you cannot make Asuka accept it." Shinji frowned. "But Kaoru, she's in pain. Pain that I caused. I can't just stand by and do nothing." Kaoru frowned. "Shinji. You are not responsible for Asuka's pain. And easing it is not your responsibility" "But I care for her" "If a Lilim doesn't want help, any attempt to help will fail."
Shinji look down. "I know. But. Asuka.."
Kaoru looked at him. "It is her will to live that decides if she survives, no one else's. If she does not have the will to survive, she will not. I'm sorry, my friend, but nothing can change what is." "Kaoru." Kaoru smiled sadly. "Shinji. Even if you care for someone, their life is still their own to live. Goodbye Shinji. We will meet again" Everything faded.
Again, a five man counsel sat in conference, microphones in front of each. Speakers were set in the corners of the room. The chairman spoke first. "The robots have been defeated. We had no way of knowing that the Eva units were operational." A voice came through the speakers, heavily distorted. "Excuses are not acceptable. You should not have failed." The chairman spoke again. "With the robots destroyed, we have no way of taking out NERV. Even with more robots, we cannot get through the Eva's AT field." The voice spoke. "You will attack the Eva's weak spot. Their pilots. I will send you information on their whereabouts, and finance the attack. You have the men. You will not fail me again." The meeting was finished.
Asuka lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. It was well past three in the morning, and the apartment had gone quiet. She was unable to sleep, thoughts of Shinji and Rei running through her mind no matter how she tried to banish them. Going over everything they had done together, everything they had said together. Her eye's were puffy and red from crying, and her nose was blocked up from running. She was full of misery. Every memory she thought of bought more pain, but she couldn't stop thinking about it. I still lost. The most important battle, and I lost it. More tears welled up in her eyes. It's all over. My life is over.
Asuka got up, as though in a daze. She stumbled through the dark apartment, and grabbed a knife from the kitchen, before making her way to the bathroom.
She stood in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection. Holding the knife in one hand, trying to gather the strength to end it. This is it. The final ending. How pathetic.
Just then, Asuka heard a voice. A voice she hadn't heard since her coma. "Asuka, what are you doing?" said the voice. "Mother"? asked Asuka. "Mother, is that you?" "Asuka, why are you doing this. I thought you were going to fight for Shinji." "I did mother, but Shinji chose Rei!" "Asuka darling, that was only the first battle. You must keep trying Asuka. The only way you can be defeated is if you admit defeat. Never give in Asuka." The voice vanished. But Asuka still heard the last words, going round and round her brain. Becoming a mantra. Never Give In. Her mothers words slowly sunk in. Never give in. Asuka's black mood lifted, to be replaced by determination. Never give in, Asuka. Asuka lifted her head, facing her reflection in the mirror. "I won't, mother. I won't give in."
End.
Disclaimer: The characters 'Shinji', 'Rei', 'Misato', and 'Asuka' belong to Gainex's series 'Neon Genisis Evangelion.'. I aren't making any money from this story. I don't have Gainex's permission to use their characters, or universe. This story is a sequel to Anthony's 'Second Chance' Fanfic. I've asked for, and received permission from Anthony to use his characters / universe.
Authors Notes: This Fanfic is a sequel to Second Chances, like I've already said. This might have one or two more following it, depending on how much I could be bothered writing them. All feedback is welcome. This is also my first Fanfic.
The Value of Love (1)
Shinji took in a deep breath and he said "I-I, I choose..........Rei" Asuka froze, not believing her ears. "I'm sorry Asuka, but I don't think we'd work as a couple." Said Shinji, turning to her. "I just don't think it would work." He was about to say more when Rei came up to Shinji, and put her arms on his shoulders. "Thank you Shinji." She whispered, and stood, looking at him. Shinji hesitated, his feelings for Rei battling with his compassion for Asuka. He looked at Asuka, but Asuka was leaving. Shinji looked back at Rei, and saw Rei waiting, smiling a small, happy smile and gazing into his eyes. As he looked back, he slowly forgot about Asuka.
Slowly forgot everything but Rei. Rei, the mysterious ice princess. The only one calm enough for Shinji to relate to. As Shinji looked into her eyes, the world changed. The outside world slowly receded. The sound of the clock, his own breathing, and the music from the party all slowly faded out. It was like the whole world had faded into the background, unable to touch them. Unable to intrude into the moment.
He could see Rei in front of him, see her blue hair, her crimson eye's, her normally calm face radiant with joy, and a little wonder at what was happening. He could hear the clock ticking, and the noise of the party, but the sound echoed, as though it was heard from a distance. The sound of her calm breathing seemed much louder. He could feel the gentle pressure of her arms on her shoulder, and suddenly wanted more. He reached forwards, and gently hugged Rei in a full body embrace. As his body met hers, he felt something in his mind. At first he though he had imagined it, then he felt it again, and recognized it as Rei. He pulled back a bit from his hug, and stared at Rei in wonder. Rei stared back, too lost in her joy to notice anything unusual.
As he stared at Rei, he felt his mind gently mesh with hers. Shinji was too calm to be afraid. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. As he reached out with his mind, he could feel her sorrow, her doubts, her soul. He looked around, and everything seemed. familiar. The same time he was looking, he felt someone. Rei. gently moving around inside his mind. He could feel Rei's mind around him. He could feel the loneliness Rei felt. He could see the pangs she felt when she saw other couples kissing, or even friends talking. He could see everything she kept hidden under her mask. And he knew Rei was seeing the same in him.
As Rei stared into Shinji's eye's, the rest of the world receded, till only his eye's existed. Huge blue pools she could drown in. She could see into Shinji, and was amazed to find someone like herself, but even more so. How he felt separated from everyone. How even in the midst of crowds, he felt completely alone. How conversations with others filled him with dread, with the fear he would say something stupid.
Shinji could see how Rei felt, how she longed for. needed Shinji. How for years her heart had only been a source of pain, like a jagged broken thing inside her. Much like Shinji had felt.
Rei could feel Shinji's need. Could feel his desperate desire to end the emptiness inside. How the void had sucked and twisted and almost destroyed him.
Rei, the answer to his loneliness. Shinji, the solution to her isolation.
They reached out for each other - and their minds merged. Even as he watched, Rei's mind began to change. Slowly at first, the hurt inside faded, the wounds healing, until they were nothing but memory's. He could feel his mind changing as well. As they stood there, gazing into each other's souls, their minds joined, filling the void that had always been there. They were now linked together. The pain, the loneliness was gone. The void inside was filled. They were no longer incomplete. They were now one. Separation was now impossible. (I think that's about the most WAFFy thing I've ever written.)
Asuka had moved to the balcony in a state of shock. She couldn't believe what had happened. Shinji was supposed to love her. There simply wasn't any other option. But Shinji had chosen Rei. Asuka had lost to Wondergirl. Asuka couldn't feel anything. Everything was numb. She just stood and stared across the city. Soon the numbness would fade, and then the pain would start. She didn't know how she would handle it. She didn't know if she wanted to try.
Misato came out to join her, beer in hand. "Bad news, huh?" Asuka didn't respond. "Asuka." "Leave it, Misato" said Asuka, in a monotone. "Asuka. I'm sorry" Asuka turned, and left.
Asuka had just left the apartment when she heard Misato's voice behind her. "Asuka, where are you going?"
She kept walking. Misato started walking beside her "Asuka, wait. I want to talk to you about this." Asuka kept walking, and said blankly "I don't want to talk about it."
Misato sighed. "Asuka. if you ever need anyone to talk to." Asuka kept walking.
Shinji and Rei stood staring into each others eyes for what seemed like eternity, exploring each other, getting to understand each other in the most intimate way possible. (Not that way, you hentai) They attracted a few strange glances when Misato came to get the beer she'd originally sent Shinji for, but they didn't notice. Slowly though, when they had learned all they could about each other, their minds separated, they drifted back to reality and they became aware of their surroundings again. Although their minds had separated, they still knew exactly what the other was thinking. Knew what the other was feeling. They had shared so much, they understood each other completely, each carrying a small part of the other with them. "Shinji. I have finally become one with you" Rei said, smiling gently. "Yes." Shinji replied. They hardly even needed to talk any more. Shinji knew what Rei was going to say before she said it. They were linked. He could feel the happiness flowing from her. And he knew Rei could feel his happiness too. Then he remembered Asuka. "Rei." he said. "I know." Said Rei. "I'll be waiting for you, Shinji-chan"
***
Asuka was lying on a park bench, staring at the stars.
Mother, I got better but... I still lost to Wondergirl. She thought. She heard footsteps walking towards her. It's strange... I should feel something, but I'm just.... numb. The footsteps stopped. "Asuka. we need to talk". It was Shinji. He sounded calm. "We do not need to talk" Asuka ground out. "Asuka, I know how you must be feeling, but you cant just keep it bottled up inside." Shinji said, ignoring her. Asuka's numbness suddenly vanished. It was replaced with anger. Asuka stood up, and faced Shinji. "You. Do. Not. Know. How. I. Feel." She spat, glaring at Shinji, who continued to look at her calmly. "You have no idea how I feel" Asuka practically yelled. "Why don't you and your blue haired slut go off and fuck each other. I can take of myself I don't need you. I don't need anyone" Asuka screamed into Shinji's face. "Just Fuck Off"
Shinji smile slipped a little. "Please.. Don't. Rei doesn't deserve that." Shinji took a few moments to regain his composure, and continued. "I know you want to be left alone, but you must remember that we care for you." "If you wish to make me feel better, leave Wondergirl" spat Asuka. "Asuka, I'm not right for you. You need someone who will challenge you, someone who can take what you dish out, and give it back. I don't think I could do that." Shinji said, trying to ignore her.
Asuka lashed out, slapped Shinji with as much force as she could muster. "How dare you? You. You. Baka! You chose that blue-haired slut over me. You would rather be with a doll than with me. You can save your sympathy and fuck off." She screamed at him. Shinji just stood there, weathering the storm. After she had finished, he wiped the spittle from his face, and said sadly: "Asuka." This was to much for Asuka to handle. She quickly lifted her knee, and kneed Shinji in the groin. Shinji, of course, collapsed. Asuka ran. Ran from Shinji, ran from herself. Tried to run from the pain. She burst into the apartment, past a drunk Hyuga and Misato, past Rei, and raced to her room, collapsing onto her bed in a flood of tears.
Shinji slowly dragged himself onto the park bench. Eventually, he recovered enough to notice Rei standing over him. "Shinji. You cannot help Asuka if she doesn't wish to be helped." Shinji stood, then limped back to the apartment, and into his room. Rei followed behind, silently.
Asuka lay on her bed, face pressed into her pillow, to hide the tears she shed. Asuka's door slid open. Asuka lifted her head and screamed "Fuck Off" Rei stood in the doorway. "Fuck off, Wondergirl" Asuka spat. "I don't need your sympathy, I don't need your help. Just fuck off."
"If you do not let anyone help you, you must help yourself." "More fortune cookie advice? If you want to make me feel better, go jump off the balcony." Rei just stood there. "Asuka. you hurt Shinji. He was trying to help and you hurt him." "So what? What are you going to do about it?" Asuka screamed again. "You will not hurt Shinji again" Rei stated. Rei left, shutting the door behind her.
Shinji slept. And as he slept, he dreamt. Again, he walked through the swirling mists. Dead branches rising through the waist-high fog, creating a surreal landscape. All around was nothing but mist, and the branches. "Kaoru" He called. "Kaoru? Are you there? I need you." He felt a hand on his shoulder. "Shinji, I am here" Shinji turned to see Kaoru beside him. Kaoru smiled. "Friends are those who are there when needed. I am here for you, Shinji. What is needed?" "Kaoru. I need your advice." Shinji explained what had happened in the previous day, including the attacks of the robots, his choice, and how Asuka had responded. Once he had finished, Kaoru looked grave. "Shinji. Asuka must decide for herself what to do now. You can offer your help, but you cannot make Asuka accept it." Shinji frowned. "But Kaoru, she's in pain. Pain that I caused. I can't just stand by and do nothing." Kaoru frowned. "Shinji. You are not responsible for Asuka's pain. And easing it is not your responsibility" "But I care for her" "If a Lilim doesn't want help, any attempt to help will fail."
Shinji look down. "I know. But. Asuka.."
Kaoru looked at him. "It is her will to live that decides if she survives, no one else's. If she does not have the will to survive, she will not. I'm sorry, my friend, but nothing can change what is." "Kaoru." Kaoru smiled sadly. "Shinji. Even if you care for someone, their life is still their own to live. Goodbye Shinji. We will meet again" Everything faded.
Again, a five man counsel sat in conference, microphones in front of each. Speakers were set in the corners of the room. The chairman spoke first. "The robots have been defeated. We had no way of knowing that the Eva units were operational." A voice came through the speakers, heavily distorted. "Excuses are not acceptable. You should not have failed." The chairman spoke again. "With the robots destroyed, we have no way of taking out NERV. Even with more robots, we cannot get through the Eva's AT field." The voice spoke. "You will attack the Eva's weak spot. Their pilots. I will send you information on their whereabouts, and finance the attack. You have the men. You will not fail me again." The meeting was finished.
Asuka lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. It was well past three in the morning, and the apartment had gone quiet. She was unable to sleep, thoughts of Shinji and Rei running through her mind no matter how she tried to banish them. Going over everything they had done together, everything they had said together. Her eye's were puffy and red from crying, and her nose was blocked up from running. She was full of misery. Every memory she thought of bought more pain, but she couldn't stop thinking about it. I still lost. The most important battle, and I lost it. More tears welled up in her eyes. It's all over. My life is over.
Asuka got up, as though in a daze. She stumbled through the dark apartment, and grabbed a knife from the kitchen, before making her way to the bathroom.
She stood in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection. Holding the knife in one hand, trying to gather the strength to end it. This is it. The final ending. How pathetic.
Just then, Asuka heard a voice. A voice she hadn't heard since her coma. "Asuka, what are you doing?" said the voice. "Mother"? asked Asuka. "Mother, is that you?" "Asuka, why are you doing this. I thought you were going to fight for Shinji." "I did mother, but Shinji chose Rei!" "Asuka darling, that was only the first battle. You must keep trying Asuka. The only way you can be defeated is if you admit defeat. Never give in Asuka." The voice vanished. But Asuka still heard the last words, going round and round her brain. Becoming a mantra. Never Give In. Her mothers words slowly sunk in. Never give in. Asuka's black mood lifted, to be replaced by determination. Never give in, Asuka. Asuka lifted her head, facing her reflection in the mirror. "I won't, mother. I won't give in."
End.