Disclaimer
Tenchi and all associated characters are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC. I don't own any rights to them. Any other characters are property of their respective copyright holders, not me.
*****
Duty Calls
Chapter 3
Another Problem Arises*****
The canned bugle music woke Tenchi up at the usual 05:00. At least he thought of it as a bugle, whatever Juraian instrument actually produced the raucous noise he had no idea. It still sounded like a bugle to him though. He rolled out of bed, grabbed a towel and sleepily went to stand in line for a shower. He sighed with pleasure as he moved into a space vacated by a squad mate and the warm water flowed over him. The sharp sting of the spray always helped to wake him up. He'd been used to waking up early at home in order to tend the fields before his shrine duties, but somehow it seemed different here and now.
He was almost finished rinsing the soap off when he felt two slender arms snake around his neck and a set of breasts press into his back. A voice whispered in his ear. "Hey Tenchi, what's on the agenda for today?" It was Ka'dithy, the female t'Dnal who was his assistant platoon leader. Because he'd been trained by one of Jurai's greatest warriors, his skills had quickly got him promoted to acting corporal and put in charge of his platoon; Ka'dithy, who'd proved herself the equal of any man in the unit, was made his assistant leader.
The t'Dnal were a humanoid species from one of Jurai's fully allied worlds; they were human in every respect except a couple of minor details. All t'Dnal had very small, very bushy, deer-like tails and were entirely covered with a light fur. The females also had a second pair of smaller, rudimentary breasts beneath the usual set everyone expected of a humanoid. Ka'dithy and Tenchi, along with a couple of other trainees had become pretty good friends; she knew he was married and faithful to both his wives, she also knew he was from a socially backward planet and the t'Dnal had a twisted sense of humor so she loved to tease and embarrass him. "C'mon loverboy, give." She ran her hands through his hair and he turned bright red. Several nearby soldiers, male and female, chuckled at his discomfiture. There were a few rumors running through the training company that for all her cuteness, the t'Dnal didn't like men. Tenchi had gotten to know her rather well over the past few weeks and while he didn't rule out that possibility, he suspected that the rumors were unfounded, brought on by jealousy because of Ka'dithy's looks and the fact that she teased the other girls just as much as the guys.
Tenchi pulled away and turned to look at her. She really was quite a looker and if it hadn't been for the almost invisible fur covering her body he would never have known she wasn't as human as he was, except for her other, uh, features which were more than obvious to him at the moment. She stood there grinning at him, hands on her hips. "I'm not supposed to tell," he said, keeping his eyes locked on her face.
"Oh, come on Tenchi. You can tell your old friend Ka'dithy. We're buddies, aren't we?" she purred as she took a step forward. He stepped back, bumping into the shower wall. "What's the big secret?" she asked.
Tenchi looked around and motioned with his head for her to follow him as he moved out of the shower room and started drying himself off. "It's not actually a secret," he told her as he ran a towel across his hair. "It's more of a surprise. If you promise not to tell anyone else, I'll tell you what it is." She nodded eagerly as she finished drying herself and began to get dressed. "Ok then," Tenchi continued. "We're going to be introduced to our vehicles today."
Ka'dithy's deep blue eyes grew large. "Cool!" she said as she finished donning her undergarments and shrugged into her t-shirt. "And what do you mean by 'introduced'? Is that Terran for 'given' or 'assigned' or something?"
Tenchi grinned at his friend. She now had enough clothes on that he didn't have to avoid looking at her. "No, I meant 'introduced'. I found out that the vehicles we're going to be assigned to are controlled by self-aware computers. They each have distinct personalities."
She punched him hard in the shoulder. "Get real Tench, old boy. Self aware computers." She gave a derisive snort.
"Now who's backwards?" he teased. "I personally know three self-aware machines; Azaka, Kamidake and Yukinojo. And their senses of humor are almost as bad as yours. Yukinojo likes corny old movies and Azaka and Kamidake like to tease the mailman by pretending they're gateposts."
"Gateposts?" the t'Dnal shook her head. "What are they, logs or something?"
"Or something," Tenchi agreed. "They're Ayeka and Sasami's Guardians. Or rather just Sasami's now that Ayeka's married."
Ka'dithy chuckled. "Who's Sasami? I know Ayeka is one of your wives and Ryoko's the other one."
Tenchi finished buttoning up his shirt. "Sasami's Ayeka's sister. She lives with us too."
"Sasami and Ayeka eh? That's quite a coincidence. The two Juraian princesses have those names too."
Tenchi smiled at her. "I know," was all he said.
Ka'dithy looked at her watch and started for the door, all thoughts of Tenchi's home life gone in an instant. "C'mon Tenchi, we're gonna miss breakfast!" Tenchi scooted out of the room after her and they headed for the mess hall.
*****
"Platoon, halt!" Tenchi called out as his group marched up to the front of an immense building. "Left, face! Ok, dress it up. C'mon get that line straight!" Sergeant Odurona looked on in approval as Tenchi turned and saluted the officer that was waiting in front of the personnel entrance to the building. "Sir!" Tenchi said. "Third platoon is ready for assignment."
"Ahem. Yes. Very good Acting Corporal," the lieutenant replied, adjusting the glasses perched on his nose. It was obvious to everyone present that this 'officer' considered the military nothing more than a necessary nuisance and would rather be in a research lab somewhere doing 'important' work. The bespectacled officer returned the salute sloppily, causing Sergeant Odurona to grumble something under his breath about toy soldiers. Tenchi suppressed a smile and hoped that no one but himself had heard the DI. The officer turned toward the door, which whooshed open when he pressed a button on his cuff. "Now, if you all will follow me, we'll get started."
The entire platoon was in awe at the interior size of the building. Even Tenchi, who had been in the indoor park at the Royal Palace, was impressed. The vehicles were dwarfed by the open space and if the little tiny spots of the technicians swarming over them were any indication, the vehicles weren't very small themselves.
The platoon gawked as the lieutenant explained about the vehicles. "Each of these is a veteran, in for depot maintenance and reassignment. Although entirely capable of independent action, the military has seen fit to require a crewmen aboard each vehicle and you have been selected as their new commanders." He swept his arm out in a gesture that encompassed the entire facility. "Please, feel free to wander about and ask questions of any technician or vehicle. As long as it isn't classified, they'll give you an answer."
One of the trainees raised a tentative hand. "Ah, sir? When will we find out which vehicle we're assigned to?" she asked in a quavering voice.
The lieutenant chuckled. "Oh, you're not assigned to a vehicle. One will choose you."
"What if one doesn't choose us sir?" Tenchi asked.
The officer looked at the DI who just shrugged. "I don't really know corporal," he replied. "That's never happened."
"Never?" Tenchi wondered.
"Nope, never. If you've gotten this far in your training it's a sure thing that you'll find a match out there somewhere. Notice that there are many more vehicles than there are of you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have other work to do." He turned and wandered off before Tenchi could salute.
"Platoon! 'Tenshun!" Sergeant Odurona called. "All right, now fall out and do as the nice man said. Not you Tenchi, I want a word with you. Don't worry son, your vehicle will still be there when we're done."
Tenchi and the DI watched as the platoon spread out over the floor and began the search for their mechanical mates. When he was satisfied that everyone was out of earshot, Sergeant Odurona turned to his acting corporal. "Listen Tenchi," he said in a fatherly tone. "It's not common knowledge but because you guys work so well together the army's planning on keeping you as a unit even after training. You'll be assigned an officer, hopefully a bit better than that one." He nodded in the direction the lieutenant had disappeared in. "And a real platoon sergeant, but I think I can convince them to make your rank permanent and give you a squad of your own. You know, for a boy from a backwater world, you know so much about the Juraian military that I'm beginning to believe you actually were trained by the great Yosho at some point."
"Thanks, I think," mumbled Tenchi.
The sergeant chuckled. "Ok boy, now go out there and find a good one. Make me proud." Tenchi trotted off.
*****
The vehicle stood off by itself in a darkened area of the maintenance floor. Tenchi had been drawn to it almost from the start and now he stood looking up at the immense bow that towered over him. The vehicle was at least nine meters from the base of its four sets of tracks to the top of its turret. Its main gun was stowed in travel lock and unlike most of the others there were no technicians in evidence. "Excuse me," Tenchi felt slightly silly talking to a mountain of metal and hardened ceramics. "Are you functional."
"Yes, I am," came the reply in a surprisingly deep but mild voice. "I am currently operating at 97.986 percent efficiency, well above nominal combat requirements."
"I see," Tenchi said, although he really didn't. "Why are you by yourself in the dark?"
Tenchi thought he heard a note of sarcasm in the response. "Are you blind or just poorly trained? Notice the extra antennas on my turret; I am a command vehicle and require two crewmembers. My commander is always an officer or senior non-com so I am not available for assignment with your group."
"I understand." Tenchi patted the great machine's armored bow and started to turn away in disappointment. Unnoticed, the place he'd touched began to glow slightly.
"Input accepted," the machine intoned mechanically.
Tenchi turned back and saw a part of the metal seeming to glow from within. He tentatively reached out but felt no heat. Almost of it's own accord his hand touched the cool glowing metal.
"Accessing Juraian Military records," came the machine's voice. "Fingerprint match found. Subject identified as Acting Corporal Masaki Tenchi, Third Platoon, Seventeenth Training Company. Command authorization declined." Tenchi thought he could hear a hint of disappointment in the words, he almost pulled his hand away but something made him keep it pressed against the vehicle's front slope.
"Accessing Juraian Government records. DNA match found. Subject identified as His Royal Highness, Prince Masaki Tenchi; husband of First Princess Ayeka, heir to the throne." A note of exaltation seemed to have crept into the machine's voice now. "Command authorization granted. Command codes transferred. Welcome Corporal Masaki. Combat Unit GRG ready for instructions." A hatch popped open in the turret and a ladder extruded itself from the hull. "Please, commander, come aboard."
Tenchi reached out to grasp a rung as shout rang out behind him. "Hey you! What do you think you're doing?" A technician ran up, gasping for breath. "Not this one, this is a command vehicle. You have to have command authorization and a security clearance almost as high as Tsunami's it seems to get this one. Besides, it's personality matrix is a bit… off."
"Really? I haven't insulted you, now have I? And you're a bit late to be protesting, aren't you?" the machine said. "Command has been accepted and transferred. Corporal Masaki is my new commander." The AI then let loose with what sounded remarkably like a Bronx Cheer to Tenchi.
"But… But that's impossible," the tech stuttered, eyes widening in disbelief. "A corporal, an acting corporal, can't take charge of a command vehicle! You need clearance directly from Armor Command, the Palace or the Holy Council for that type of transfer."
Tenchi raised an eyebrow and looked up at the open hatch. Other techs and a few members of his platoon were beginning to gather around and had heard the whole exchange so far.
"Nonetheless, fathead," the vehicle stated matter-of-factly. "Acting Corporal Masaki's command transfer has been approved at the highest level. So nyah!"
Sergeant Odurona pushed his way through the crowd. "Just what is going on here? Corporal?" His eyes bored into Tenchi's.
"Ah, sergeant…" Tenchi began, smiling and scratching the back of his head wondering if this strange acting machine was going to insult his DI as well.
"Maskai Tenchi has been approved as my new commander, that's what," the vehicle stated before Tenchi could finish what he was about to say.
"I don't believe it!" exclaimed the startled DI. "How could that be?"
"I'll try to explain," Tenchi said quietly. "But not here, not in front of everyone."
"In the fighting compartment then," the Sergeant indicated the still open hatch. "After you, trainee."
Tenchi climbed the ladder, closely followed by the DI. He didn't see the odd looks that Ka'dithy and a couple of his other friends gave him as he disappeared inside the hatch.
*****
After the vehicle's AI confirmed Tenchi's story, Sergeant Odurona sat back in the comm operator's contour seat, stunned. "You mean you really are…? That Yosho is actually…?" He closed his eyes in confusion then they suddenly snapped open again. "Then that really was the Emperor I talked to the other day! I hung up on him; I thought it was a prank. Oh Tsunami forgive me! What have I done?"
Tenchi was a bit upset at the DI's obvious contrition. "Hey Sarge, it's no big deal. Besides, I'm beginning to like it here, although I really miss Ayeka, Ryoko and the kids." Tenchi managed a weak smile as a thought crossed his mind. "And if you really want Tsunami's forgiveness I think I can arrange it. After training is complete of course."
The DI looked at the boy who had suddenly been transformed into something besides a raw trainee in his mind. "You know, I believe you could. You defeated Kagato and married Princess Ayeka and the dread Pirate Ryoko so you can probably do much more than you let on.."
Tenchi shook the older man's shoulder. "Snap out of it Sarge. I'm exactly the same person I was ten minutes ago, nothing's changed."
Sergeant Odurona buried his face in his hands. "Wadda ya mean nothing's changed? Everything's changed! You obviously aren't supposed to be here; someone, somewhere really screwed up and I'll probably get blamed. And I hung up on the Emperor himself," the man sobbed.
Tenchi shook him again, lightly. "I meant, 'nothing's changed'. You, I and Unit GRG here are the only ones who know; no one else believes me even though I've tried to tell them." Tenchi looked up at the tiny lens that allowed the computer to monitor events in the fighting compartment. "Right, Unit GRG?"
"If you say so Corporal. I really have no knowledge of that," the machine replied nonchalantly.
Something suddenly occurred to Tenchi. "What does GRG stand for?" he asked.
"GRG is my rating," the AI said diffidently. "The first letter denotes my weapons capability, the second my armor type and the third specifies my fusion plant output rating. I am a planetary defense unit fully capable of engaging starships in orbit from a ground position. I can survive a direct hit by a nuclear weapon and am able to operate in space as a defensive fortress if a suitable lift vehicle is available."
"Oh, ok." Tenchi was surprised that he understood what the machine had said; a few short years ago he would have been totally clueless. "Calling you Unit GRG all the time is awkward, how about I call you 'George' instead?"
"George," the AI tasted the name in its memory, rolling it over and trying to get a feel for it. "George. That is acceptable, Tenchi. I am henceforth to be known as George."
"Oh that's just great, it has a name now. Wonderful. And how do we explain this?" Sergeant Odurona swept his arm around the compartment. "A corporal can't command this vehicle."
Tenchi thought for a moment. "An accident? We could say it was a programming error," he suggested. He'd noticed some oddities in the AI's programming already so making up another wouldn't be a big deal. He wanted to ask the vehicle who the original programmer was but he had a feeling he wouldn't like the answer.
"No," said the DI. "The vehicle AI is incapable of lying so it would have to tell the truth if questioned directly."
"Oh great," Tenchi shook his head in despair. "Then what'll happen? Will they make me switch to another vehicle?"
George responded to Tenchi's question before the DI could open his mouth. "There is really nothing they can do. All the proper clearances have been granted and command has been authorized, so there's no reason to worry." There was a brief pause. "Of course they could always have you killed," the machine went on in a lighter tone. "Accidents do happen, not that I would know anything about that."
The sergeant's mouth twitched into a smile for the first time since they'd entered the compartment. "Unit GR… er, George is right. There's pretty much nothing they can do unless you voluntarily give up command. They certainly wouldn't expect a trainee that was just given a command to give it up unless they were shown as unfit. And in your case that would be difficult, extremely difficult once it became known who you are."
Tenchi stood up and tried to pace but the compartment was too small. "So what do we do?"
"Nothing," said the DI with a shrug. "As you said before, nothing's changed, the Army'll just have to deal with it." He looked around the small area, taking note of the extra equipment. "That leaves us with just one problem," he said.
"What's that?" inquired Tenchi.
The sergeant chuckled mirthlessly. "Finding you a qualified second crewman. 'George' here requires two people to operate."
"That is not entirely correct Sergeant," the vehicle in question broke in. "I am fully capable of independently functioning. I require no crew at all, as you should well know."
Sergeant Odurona addressed the AI directly for the first time. "According to the unit's Organization Chart you do. You now have a trainee as a commander even if he is a prince in disguise; let's not push our luck."
"Ah crap, I guess you're right." Tenchi could almost hear the resignation in the machine's voice. "Doesn't mean I have to like it though," George grumbled.
*****
Ka'dithy and one of Tenchi's other squad mates, Lirat, a young man whose sole claim to fame was that he was excessively homely, cornered Tenchi as he dropped off the bottom rung of George's access ladder later that day.
"Hey, aren't you two supposed to be with your own vehicles?" Tenchi asked his two friends.
"Well…" Lirat began, his more than prominent ears turning bright red.
"What he means is 'Yes, we are'," Ka'dithy broke in. "But we really want to know what went on earlier. How did you wind up with a command vehicle?"
Tenchi considered telling them the truth; after all, no one else'd believed him when he'd told them. He considered for all of two seconds that is. "Um, I'm not exactly sure. It seems there was some sort of screw up at a higher level." Not entirely untrue, he reasoned. "But there's nothing they can do about it now anyway, so I guess I'm stuck with George."
"George?" asked Lirat. "Who's George?"
"Unit GRG here," said Tenchi, patting the ceramic armor covering the top of the vehicle's road wheels. "GRG – George. Get it?"
"You named your vehicle?" Ka'dithy started chuckling. "How very… Terran of you. Now we'll all be naming them, you've started a trend. Mine's Unit NMB so that would make him Nimby I guess."
Lirat shook his head. "Easy for you, mine's Unit WHT. How do you make a name from that?"
"What," said Tenchi.
"I said, 'how do you make a name out of WHT?" Lirat repeated.
"No, What's it's name," Tenchi had a sly grin on his face.
"Who's name?" asked the other young man, a confused look painting his face.
Here we go, thought Tenchi. This should be fun. "Not Who, What," he told Lirat while working very hard to keep a straight face.
"What?" the ugly man asked.
"Yes," grinned Tenchi.
"Yes what?" Lirat knew Tenchi was teasing him and was growing annoyed.
"Right, your vehicle's name can be What," smirked a now thoroughly amused Tenchi.
"I don't know!" Lirat almost shouted.
Third base, Tenchi thought, suppressing a laugh. Ka'dithy just stood there looking bemused. "Look, you want to give your vehicle a name, right?" Tenchi asked. Lirat nodded. "And its designation is WHT, right?" Another nod. "So a good name is What."
"That's what I'm asking," bellowed the other young soldier.
Tenchi snorted. "And I'm telling you, What!"
"What?" repeated a confused Lirat.
"Exactly. See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" said Tenchi, slapping Lirat on the back.
The ugly young Juraian looked plaintively at the t'Dnal. Ka'dithy just shrugged, she had no idea what Tenchi was talking about either but at least it wasn't her on the receiving end. Tenchi's sense of humor would do one of her people proud, she thought. Lirat grumbled something under his breath and stalked away, heading back to his own vehicle. Ka'dithy sidled up to Tenchi as she watched the boy move off. "What was that all about?" she asked out of the side of her mouth.
Tenchi grinned. "A play on an old Earth comedy routine, it's still funny after all these years; someday I'll get a recording of it and play it for you. 'Course I'll have to explain baseball to you first."
"Baseball?" the girl asked.
"It's a game where someone throws a small ball and someone else tries to hit it with a club. If you do hit it you run around a diamond marked out in the field. It's a bit more complicated than just that though."
Ka'dithy raised an eyebrow at him. "You Terrans are weird, you know that?" She wandered off in the direction of her own vehicle.
"Neatly avoided Tenchi, I enjoyed every minute of that." George said through his external speaker.
"What? Oh, thanks, I think," said Tenchi as he watched as the t'Dnal climbed back into her own vehicle. "Any idea when they'll assign us a comm specialist?" he wondered aloud.
"No, but it shouldn't take those idiots at Central Assignments too long," came the vehicle's reply.
"That's nice," said Tenchi, not really paying attention because his mind was off on other matters. He looked up at George. "Button up, will you. It's getting late and I'm tired."
"Yes my commander," George snapped with a mock military precision. The hatch closed and the ladder retracted into the vehicle's armored side. "Have a good evening, Tenchi."
Tenchi patted George's armored side again. "Thanks, I think I will." The young man walked off toward the exit, still chuckling at his platoon mates' discomfiture.
*****
To be continued
*****
Author's Notes
For those of you that don't know, "Who's on First" is an Abbot and Costello routine from the '40s. If you really want to read a complete Tenchized version read, "Who's on First, Tenchi" by Alighthawk; it's quite well done and don't forget to leave him a review.
Next Chapter: Tenchi meets his other crewmember and gets an assignment. He also visits Ayeka and the kids on Jurai en route. But where's Ryoko?
*****
Review Responses
Dennisud – Not all DI's are that way. The idea is to break the trainee down (without breaking the trainee) and build them back up into a soldier. Each DI has his/her own method for doing that within military specs. Don't get the wrong idea; I did a lot of pushups myself and spent my fair share of time in the 'front leaning rest' position. But only if I (or the entire platoon) really screwed up. My Basic and AIT (at Fort Knox) were actually fairly easy. At least I thought so.
Taxzombie – Yep, no mistakes – ever. I signed up to be a meteorologist (it sounded interesting) with MP as my second choice. Where did I end up for training? Armor; in the M60A1 MBT. What was my eventual assignment? Cavalry. (No, we didn't use horses; at the time we used the M551A1 Sheridan ARAAV and the M113A1 APC then eventually the M60A1E3 MBT. Does that date me or what?) Where did they send me? I actually got my second choice there, Germany.
Alighthawk – Who do you think will save the day? I apologize for stealing your thunder with my simplified and adapted version of 'Who's on First?' I did give you a plug though.
Smack54 – Oh, it's gonna get worse. Much worse. He's now got a tank that's literally a 'loose cannon'.
Agent_86 – Yeah, I put in a few years a while back. I'm still going to write about Ryoko's pregnancy at some point.
Priest – Glad to hear you're working. Now get your own connection set up, chop-chop.
Wharpt – Yup, poor Yukinojo. Always getting the short end of the stick.
Thundergod – I didn't know it was lost… Glad you enjoyed it.
Note for you non-military types: ARAAV stands for Armored Reconnaissance Airborne Assault Vehicle; APC is Armored Personnel Carrier and MBT is Main Battle Tank. The number/letter sequences are model and variation, i.e. M60A1E3 is M60 tank, A1 modification, E3 variation. There was also an M60A2 that wasn't very successful (it had the same main armament as the Sheridan, but not the speed or mobility) and eventually an M60A3, which I believe some Marine units still use.
*****
BobR
11/3/2002