The Unforgiven
Chapter 5
Fear
Disclaimer: Don't own ER or any of the characters, it's just wishful thinking. Sorry haven't updated in ages, my workload at school has almost doubled so I only write when I find the time to. But sorry for the delay, and thanks to all who have read and reviewed this fic so far, your feedback is much appreciated. Anyway here's chapter 5 - enjoy!!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Stand back, brother take your hand back
Love it and I might crack
More than a smile or two you see
Don't judge what you don't understand
( Fear, by Disturbed )
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She had never felt so sick in her entire life as she did at that precise moment in time. It wasn't like any other type of nausea she had experienced though, it felt different. Perhaps it was shock. Perhaps it was pain. Maybe it was a mixture of emotions. All she knew though was that every other individual standing around her would feel the exact same way.
Abby glanced up from her view of the tiled floor below and stared straight into John's eyes. She couldn't just see the tears forming at the corners of his dark, empty eyes, she could feel the pain slicing through his heart. Everyone could. It just didn't seem possible, she couldn't quite believe what news John had just broke to every one of them. She didn't want to believe his words. Mark Greene, dead? Gone forever?
"Post it on the notice board Frank" Carter almost choked on his tears before grabbing a chart and heading quickly towards the bathroom.
Abby closely watched him stalk off into the distance, dumbstruck by the awful news she had just recieved. Surely it couldn't be true. Dr Greene, dead? He was the heart and soul of the department, the figure everyone admired and greatly respected. She had learned so much regarding medicine from him. He was a wonderful teacher and doctor, full of compassion and consideration for the people around him. And now he was gone forever?
"Abby" a thick accent broke the nurse out of her thoughts as she turned around to discover Luka standing beside her.
"Luka" she replied in shock, taken aback by his sudden precense.
"Are you okay?" he asked after a brief pause of silence, studying the features of the woman ever so carefully.
Abby stood silent for a moment, considering what exactly to say to the man. They had hardly spoken to each other in the weeks following their drunken night together. What was there to say? Should she try and explain that the night in question was simply nothing more than a drunken mistake? Apologise for running away in the early hours of the morning? Admit she needed help but was too stubborn and proud to ask for it?
"I'm fine" she lied, grabbing a nearby chart and flipping through it's contents. "I better go start an IV on Mrs Henderson in curtain two, she's been waiting almost an hour now. Can't have County's good reputation ruined, eh?"
"Abby....."
"What?"
"Never mind" he shook his head sadly before heading towards an exam room.
"Great" she muttered softly under her breath, throwing the chart across the desk in a fit of angry petulance before storming off towards the bathroom, where she proceeded to vomit continuosly for what seemed to her like hours.
*******
Grabbing her long black coat and throwing it over her shoulders, she pushed the locker door shut with a violent slam. The entire day had been like a hideous nightmare for everyone. The news still hadn't entirely sunk in yet. Well not for Abby anyway. She knew he had been dying, knew he wouldn't be around for much longer. But it had all happened so quickly, so sudden. All day her mind had been occupied with memories of Dr Greene. her first day in the ER where he had kindly guided her around the department, the numerous patients she had treated alongside him, the support and teaching he continously gave her. The hospital had lost a wonderful doctor, the staff a dear friend, Elizabeth her beloved husband and Ella.....Ella had lost her father. With a deep sigh, Abby rubbed the temple of her forehead irritably as she gave a thought for the poor child who would grow up without her father in her life. No memories of him, no recollection of who he was. Abby knew only too well how difficult that would be.
''Are you joining us for drinks? a thick accent startled her as the nurse spun around to discover Luka standing by the doorway of the room.
''Uh.....yeah, maybe'' she hesitated, clutching her handbag tightly by her side in a bid to calm her trembling hands. It was exactly what she needed at the moment, a strong drink. 'Susan suggested 'The Lava Lounge', it's a themed bar so you can imagin..........''
''Abby'' his voice sounded a little more demanding.
''What?'' she finally looked at him straight in the eye, her hands trembling as she spoke.
''We need to talk about that... night, we can't simply pretend nothing happened.......''
''It was a mistake'' she finally found the courage to speak, creating a moment of silence between the two medics.
''A mistake?'' the Croatian doctor was taken aback by her outburst.
Nice going Lockhart, the nurse pressed her lips together in frustration. Lovely way with words.
''No...I....I was drunk okay? And upset. I needed comfort and...''
''So you used me?'' Luka questioned her motives, folding his arms and leaning against his own locker.
''No...I......you're not making this easy for me!''
''Do you think this is easy for me?'' he spat, glaring at the nurse angrily, the dim light from the windows creating dark shadows under the man's eyes. ''I care about you Abby, surely you must realise that. I thought you wanted to be with me and now you are telling me you regret it?''
''Luka we've been in this position before'' she spoke quielty, glancing away from his dark, accusing eyes. ''It ddin't work out between us, why should it now? I do care for you but not in the way you deserve to be loved''
''So once again you only came to me for sex'' he replied bitterly, the words creating a cold atmosphere in the room.
''That's not fair'' she snapped back angrily, hurt by the man's callous words. ''I loved you....''
''Except you loved Carter more''
Abby took a stumbling step back in shock as the words stung her, slicing through her heart like a sharp knife.
''Excuse me?'' she questioned his last sentence, feeling a surge of rage travel through every vein in her body.
''I never stood a chance when he was around'' his voice cold and distant. ''Two's company, three's a crowd so to speak. It was always him you turned to for help, never me''
''You were never there''
There she had said it. Might as well give the doctor a taste of his own medicine.
''You never allowed me to be there''
Abby exhaled heavily and leaned against her own locker for support, a wave of strong dizziness passing over the nurse.
''I tried to be there, tried to help'' Luka continued as she tried her very best to ignore th sudden dizziness and sense of overwhelming nausea. ''Every time I reached out you would pull back. Do you have any idea how frustrated and confused I felt?''
''Yes I do'' she answered before taking a deep breath. ''You kept your distance as well Luka. I tried to understand your problems, tried to understand your past, but how could I when you would rather confide in a dying bishop than your partner''
''And you confided in Carter instead of me!''
''He understood'' Abby shouted rather fiercely, her temper rising with every minute that passed. ''When Maggie locked herself in a motel room in Oklahoma, Carter didn't just give me support, he understood. I needed comfort and companionship, not medical jargon. We've shared similar experiences, he knows what to say or do''
''So because I don't have a drinking or a drug dependency problem, I can't understand you?''
''And because I'm not your dead wife I can't understand you'' she shot back, realising why the pair could never ever be proper friends again. Too much water had passed under the bridge now, too much had been said in the last couple of minutes.
''So for what reasons did we stay together for so long?'' the male doctor asked sadly, his eyes tinged with hurt falling to the ground. ''The sex?''
''Luka, I'm sor.....'' she began to speak before Luka's hands moved swiftly towards the handle of the wooden door.
''That's what you always say Abby'' he interrupted, throwing open the stiff door and hastily making an exit.
In an act of sheer frustration, the female nurse punched the door of her locker and slumped to the cold, tiled floor in grief. Nursing her bruised knuckles, she held her head in her hands as yet another wave of nausea passed over the upset woman. Raising a hand to her mouth, she ignored the lurch of dizziness and sprinted over to the nearby sink, where she proceeded to vomit continously for what seemed like hours.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Author's Notes: So with such revelations between Abby and Luka, what lies in store for the arguing pair? How will this effect her relationship with Carter? How will the staff cope after Mark's death? And what is causing Abby's recent sickness? Do you want another chapter?? If so tell me, please review, all feedback greatly appreciated!!!
Chapter 5
Fear
Disclaimer: Don't own ER or any of the characters, it's just wishful thinking. Sorry haven't updated in ages, my workload at school has almost doubled so I only write when I find the time to. But sorry for the delay, and thanks to all who have read and reviewed this fic so far, your feedback is much appreciated. Anyway here's chapter 5 - enjoy!!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Stand back, brother take your hand back
Love it and I might crack
More than a smile or two you see
Don't judge what you don't understand
( Fear, by Disturbed )
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
She had never felt so sick in her entire life as she did at that precise moment in time. It wasn't like any other type of nausea she had experienced though, it felt different. Perhaps it was shock. Perhaps it was pain. Maybe it was a mixture of emotions. All she knew though was that every other individual standing around her would feel the exact same way.
Abby glanced up from her view of the tiled floor below and stared straight into John's eyes. She couldn't just see the tears forming at the corners of his dark, empty eyes, she could feel the pain slicing through his heart. Everyone could. It just didn't seem possible, she couldn't quite believe what news John had just broke to every one of them. She didn't want to believe his words. Mark Greene, dead? Gone forever?
"Post it on the notice board Frank" Carter almost choked on his tears before grabbing a chart and heading quickly towards the bathroom.
Abby closely watched him stalk off into the distance, dumbstruck by the awful news she had just recieved. Surely it couldn't be true. Dr Greene, dead? He was the heart and soul of the department, the figure everyone admired and greatly respected. She had learned so much regarding medicine from him. He was a wonderful teacher and doctor, full of compassion and consideration for the people around him. And now he was gone forever?
"Abby" a thick accent broke the nurse out of her thoughts as she turned around to discover Luka standing beside her.
"Luka" she replied in shock, taken aback by his sudden precense.
"Are you okay?" he asked after a brief pause of silence, studying the features of the woman ever so carefully.
Abby stood silent for a moment, considering what exactly to say to the man. They had hardly spoken to each other in the weeks following their drunken night together. What was there to say? Should she try and explain that the night in question was simply nothing more than a drunken mistake? Apologise for running away in the early hours of the morning? Admit she needed help but was too stubborn and proud to ask for it?
"I'm fine" she lied, grabbing a nearby chart and flipping through it's contents. "I better go start an IV on Mrs Henderson in curtain two, she's been waiting almost an hour now. Can't have County's good reputation ruined, eh?"
"Abby....."
"What?"
"Never mind" he shook his head sadly before heading towards an exam room.
"Great" she muttered softly under her breath, throwing the chart across the desk in a fit of angry petulance before storming off towards the bathroom, where she proceeded to vomit continuosly for what seemed to her like hours.
*******
Grabbing her long black coat and throwing it over her shoulders, she pushed the locker door shut with a violent slam. The entire day had been like a hideous nightmare for everyone. The news still hadn't entirely sunk in yet. Well not for Abby anyway. She knew he had been dying, knew he wouldn't be around for much longer. But it had all happened so quickly, so sudden. All day her mind had been occupied with memories of Dr Greene. her first day in the ER where he had kindly guided her around the department, the numerous patients she had treated alongside him, the support and teaching he continously gave her. The hospital had lost a wonderful doctor, the staff a dear friend, Elizabeth her beloved husband and Ella.....Ella had lost her father. With a deep sigh, Abby rubbed the temple of her forehead irritably as she gave a thought for the poor child who would grow up without her father in her life. No memories of him, no recollection of who he was. Abby knew only too well how difficult that would be.
''Are you joining us for drinks? a thick accent startled her as the nurse spun around to discover Luka standing by the doorway of the room.
''Uh.....yeah, maybe'' she hesitated, clutching her handbag tightly by her side in a bid to calm her trembling hands. It was exactly what she needed at the moment, a strong drink. 'Susan suggested 'The Lava Lounge', it's a themed bar so you can imagin..........''
''Abby'' his voice sounded a little more demanding.
''What?'' she finally looked at him straight in the eye, her hands trembling as she spoke.
''We need to talk about that... night, we can't simply pretend nothing happened.......''
''It was a mistake'' she finally found the courage to speak, creating a moment of silence between the two medics.
''A mistake?'' the Croatian doctor was taken aback by her outburst.
Nice going Lockhart, the nurse pressed her lips together in frustration. Lovely way with words.
''No...I....I was drunk okay? And upset. I needed comfort and...''
''So you used me?'' Luka questioned her motives, folding his arms and leaning against his own locker.
''No...I......you're not making this easy for me!''
''Do you think this is easy for me?'' he spat, glaring at the nurse angrily, the dim light from the windows creating dark shadows under the man's eyes. ''I care about you Abby, surely you must realise that. I thought you wanted to be with me and now you are telling me you regret it?''
''Luka we've been in this position before'' she spoke quielty, glancing away from his dark, accusing eyes. ''It ddin't work out between us, why should it now? I do care for you but not in the way you deserve to be loved''
''So once again you only came to me for sex'' he replied bitterly, the words creating a cold atmosphere in the room.
''That's not fair'' she snapped back angrily, hurt by the man's callous words. ''I loved you....''
''Except you loved Carter more''
Abby took a stumbling step back in shock as the words stung her, slicing through her heart like a sharp knife.
''Excuse me?'' she questioned his last sentence, feeling a surge of rage travel through every vein in her body.
''I never stood a chance when he was around'' his voice cold and distant. ''Two's company, three's a crowd so to speak. It was always him you turned to for help, never me''
''You were never there''
There she had said it. Might as well give the doctor a taste of his own medicine.
''You never allowed me to be there''
Abby exhaled heavily and leaned against her own locker for support, a wave of strong dizziness passing over the nurse.
''I tried to be there, tried to help'' Luka continued as she tried her very best to ignore th sudden dizziness and sense of overwhelming nausea. ''Every time I reached out you would pull back. Do you have any idea how frustrated and confused I felt?''
''Yes I do'' she answered before taking a deep breath. ''You kept your distance as well Luka. I tried to understand your problems, tried to understand your past, but how could I when you would rather confide in a dying bishop than your partner''
''And you confided in Carter instead of me!''
''He understood'' Abby shouted rather fiercely, her temper rising with every minute that passed. ''When Maggie locked herself in a motel room in Oklahoma, Carter didn't just give me support, he understood. I needed comfort and companionship, not medical jargon. We've shared similar experiences, he knows what to say or do''
''So because I don't have a drinking or a drug dependency problem, I can't understand you?''
''And because I'm not your dead wife I can't understand you'' she shot back, realising why the pair could never ever be proper friends again. Too much water had passed under the bridge now, too much had been said in the last couple of minutes.
''So for what reasons did we stay together for so long?'' the male doctor asked sadly, his eyes tinged with hurt falling to the ground. ''The sex?''
''Luka, I'm sor.....'' she began to speak before Luka's hands moved swiftly towards the handle of the wooden door.
''That's what you always say Abby'' he interrupted, throwing open the stiff door and hastily making an exit.
In an act of sheer frustration, the female nurse punched the door of her locker and slumped to the cold, tiled floor in grief. Nursing her bruised knuckles, she held her head in her hands as yet another wave of nausea passed over the upset woman. Raising a hand to her mouth, she ignored the lurch of dizziness and sprinted over to the nearby sink, where she proceeded to vomit continously for what seemed like hours.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Author's Notes: So with such revelations between Abby and Luka, what lies in store for the arguing pair? How will this effect her relationship with Carter? How will the staff cope after Mark's death? And what is causing Abby's recent sickness? Do you want another chapter?? If so tell me, please review, all feedback greatly appreciated!!!