Waste
Stage 05: "The Trouble with Relations"
I'm in trouble.
I am in serious trouble.
I met this girl a few weeks ago when I went out to buy some beer, hangin' at the liquor store lot. I remember getting' a boner the minute I saw her dressed in this tight black skirt, sportin' a (faux) leather jacket and a choker to match. Other than that, I didn't think too much of 'er, so I went about my business and bought my beer. Came out and she was still there, alone, so she started talkin' to me. So we get into it and I end up goin' to her place. Nothin' much, just an apartment not too far from where I was, a little nicer, though. It was getting late, I know. Remember seeing the night buses on their routes on the way there. She had the place to herself, she said, and asked if I felt like 'sleeping over.' ……I, um… hadn't been with a girl in a real long time so I didn't have any kind of protection on me, not that I'd have the cash on me for any of that.
She gave me a call today. Don't know how she got my number. Maybe I gave it to her the next morning. I don't know. Either way, I heard from her again. It sounded like she had been crying when I talked to her over the phone. She said she had something very important to tell me and asked if she could come over. Nothin' really clicked right there, so I gave her the address. Looked like she had been cryin' when she got to the door. It was just me there—thank God—so I brought 'er in and sat 'er down in the armchair.
……Turns out she was a minor… and I think I got her pregnant...
"…Well..?"
Well, what?
"Say something..!"
What am I supposed to say, huh? That I'll take care of you and the baby? How do I even know that it's mine? How do you know you're even pregnant? (And what's more, what do I do about the statutory rape charge I could face along with it, but I'll just keep part that to myself.)
"I took a home pregnancy test. …It came out positive."
Those things are unreliable. You can't tell me anything…
"What if I am pregnant? What then, huh..?"
I wouldn't know. I don't suppose I was the only one you slept with..?
Hmm, I thought so. There were at least three other guys. That's how much she let on. Her parents are out of town a lot, I hear, so there's a good chance this kid may not be mine. Jesus, I hope not. I mean, if it is mine, I'm not gonna skip out on it, yeah? If you do something that hurts or burdens another person, you better face the consequences. That's also part of our logic.
And besides, I'm already wading knee-deep in jail time for sleeping with a 17-year old… I'm not gonna give her something to use against me.
Look, you'll be all right. Do you want the kid?
"…I… I don't know." She's shaking…
We can't determine whose kid it is until it's born…
"What about my parents..?"
I can't guide you through everything. You knew full well what might happen. Time to break it to your folks. Come on. I'll walk you home.
"I can get there myself…" She's showin' herself to the door. "Thanks, Jeice, for talkin' with me…"
It's cool. Good luck with your folks.
And she's gone, just like that. That was kinda weird, playing the responsible adult. But really, what am I supposed to do about this..? I could be the father of that girl's kid..! I don't even remember her name! Christ, this is really stupid……
I mean, this is really fucking stupid…
Couldn't stop thinkin' about it, you know? What would happen if the kid was mine, if anyone found out I slept with a girl girl? The guys'd keep askin' me what was wrong, and I'd just keep boozin' and usin'.
Funny thing is, after a while, I was pretty damn fine with the idea that I might have a baby to help fend for…
I got another call about two months later, a week before today. It was that girl again, whose name I found out to be Caitlyn, with some pretty disturbing news.
She had an abortion. I couldn't believe it, honestly couldn't. Hung up on her before she even finished talkin'. Now no one'll ever know whose kid that was. That kid'll never live to be a kid, either. Before all this happened, I would've said a woman's got a right to choose. I can't really say anything in this case, knowing that I might have been the father. I don't think I'm ever going to get over it completely. That baby's dead and I'll never know if it was mine… All this from one night of pleasure..?
……Never again.