Redemption
Written - 8/20/02
Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion.
Rating - PG
Chapter 7
Lessing knew he was just about finished. He could not have been more pleased with the results so far. Chakotay had little to counter his arguments. Just a few more minutes and he could wrap all this up in a nice neat package. What would become of him after that was anyone's guess, but at least he would have done what he promised himself at the beginning of all this. He also knew he needed to hurry. He was quickly beginning to feel physically ill. Even the diminished light in the room bothered his eyes and he felt his energy draining. "I have one last question Commander. What precipitated your being relieved of duty by the Captain?"
Not knowing what else to do, Chakotay simply answered the question as noncommittally as possible. "We had a disagreement."
"So, in essence, she relieved you from duty because you disagreed with her once too often with regard to the Equinox and the aliens?"
Chakotay again had an edge to his voice. "It's a bit more complicated than that Crewman. We have had disagreements on the approach to a problem before. It's no secret, many of the crew have witnessed them."
"But none of them led to your being relieved of duty, isn't that so?"
The Commander shifted uncomfortably in his seat. If he was to have an impact on this proceeding, it had better be now. He had received no status updates through his combadge, leading him to believe that if nothing else he needed to stall. The way things had gone, he also felt he owed the Captain something, a vote of confidence of sorts. He glanced briefly at her and found her to be leaning back in her chair again, something she had done every few minutes since he came in. Her head was tilted slightly back and her eyes were closed, but whether he had eye contact or not, he would do this, for her.
"Yes Crewman, that is so. However, do you realize why I even agreed to follow that order? Because no matter what you may think, no matter how you may wish to discredit her, Kathryn Janeway is my Captain. She has earned my respect and my loyalty a thousand times over. She has kept the ship whole and this crew alive under the most difficult of circumstances. I personally owe her my life as she has saved it on countless occasions. I may not always agree with the decisions she makes, but in the end, she carries the responsibility for what happens out here. That gives her the right to go it alone if she feels the situation warrants it. As for what happened with the Equinox, whether I agreed with her approach or not, it was Captain Ransom and his crew that forced her down a path she had little control over. One that more often than not she was simply reacting to. I sympathize with what you went through, but that does not justify your actions here today anymore than what Ransom did justifies some of Captain Janeway's actions in response. We all make our own choices Crewman. Maybe it's time you learned from the less then stellar choices of those around you and made better ones."
Lessing was completely speechless. He had severely underestimated the loyalty that Chakotay had for this woman, even with everything that she had done. It surprised him. How in the world could the Commander be so blind to what she was? Or could it be that it really was Lessing himself that needed to change, to let go of the past, to look a little deeper for the reason he felt the way he did. His thoughts in turmoil, he felt the pain rise in his temples again and his palms began to sweat.
Chakotay had been watching Kathryn. She looked exhausted, as if holding her head up was a struggle in itself. Her eyes, one now painfully swollen, were dull and listless. He knew he was the last of Lessing's chosen witnesses, but more than a minute had passed since he had finished speaking and no new questions had been forthcoming. He knew without any doubt that much of what Tuvok, B'Elanna and he himself had relayed had been difficult for her to hear. He would never have intentionally hurt her, but she herself had insisted on their honesty. He prayed that the others had made good on their plan, or he doubted his captain and friend was long for the world.
For her part, Janeway couldn't remember ever having been this weary. Her lack of sleep and her head injury had long ago exacted their toll. She shook her head as much as she dared in an effort to break free of the fatigue, her relentless headache preventing more purposeful movement. It was time, time to state her case no matter how she felt and no matter who was listening. She had been made to sit and listen to the events of a year ago, flavored with the personal recollections and emotions of her staff and the Equinox crew, and had said, or been requested to say almost nothing. In the end, her accuser would pronounce her guilty, of that much she was certain. Whether Noah Lessing wanted it or not, it was her turn.
As Chakotay prepared to stand, not knowing exactly what to do next, she raised her head, straightened her posture, and looked directly in his eyes. "Sit down Commander." She declared. "I want you to be witness to what I have to say."
Lessing was shaken out of his momentary reverie and looked alarmed, "Captain, what are you doing?" He said as he leaned forward just enough that she could see him in her peripheral vision.
"Something I should have done hours ago." She demanded. "You've obviously already pronounced me guilty. Whether you've actually said it or not is of no consequence. This entire proceeding has simply been about getting all your accusations out in the open so you'd have an excuse to get even. So what do you have to lose? As the condemned, I do have a right to issue a statement before you pronounce sentence do I not? Well, I now exercise that right."
Rising to his feet, Lessing swiftly approached the Captain, threatening her with the knife again. Chakotay, still on his feet despite the Captain's request, made a move toward her would-be attacker. "No!" She shouted. "Leave him be Commander."
Chakotay stopped in his tracks as ordered, for it was indeed an order, but he still felt an excellent opportunity had just been squandered.
Kathryn Janeway's eyes never left Lessing as she ordered Chakotay to stop. She then turned the full force of her command presence on him. "What are you afraid of Noah, hmm? You still have me where you want me, and you hold that detonator to ensure your safety from my officers. To top it all off, you've done a masterful job of discrediting me in front of my entire crew. That is what you set out to do isn't it, at least in part?"
Lessing simply glared at her, barely contained rage evident in his bloodshot and massively dilated eyes.
"Well I admit it, all of it. Everything they have said is true." Her voice was strong, clear and unwavering. With that, Chakotay moved back to his chair and sat, curious where she would go with this, and Lessing stood up and backed away from her as if struck.
"You say I did not try to understand your circumstances, that I simply passed judgement on all of you. A simple matter of Starfleet regulations and protocol and adherence to Federation law. Well, let me enlighten you. You could not be more wrong. I understand more than you could possibly know, more than even my own crew probably believes."
She took a quick breath and continued, determination etched into her features. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be the Captain of a starship all alone out here? Do you know why I found Rudy Ransom's conduct so reprehensible?" Her voice steadily rose with each word, but she retained her composure. "There most certainly was the issue of his oath as a Captain and the fact that he had flushed it out an airlock. Worse yet, he had taken all of you right along with him. But chiefly it was because when I looked at him, I saw myself. I saw a person I could very well have become if our circumstances had been a little different. Something I've come close to on more than one occasion." Her gaze moved briefly to capture her first officer. He returned her intensity with a look of great respect and understanding.
Chakotay's support gave her the strength to continue and she turned to lock her eyes with Lessing's again. "You have no idea of the responsibility and the loneliness that being a Captain brings with it, the overwhelming sense of responsibility, the lives you hold squarely in the palm of your hand. Do you know the first thing about what it's like when you step onto the bridge of a starship for the first time with four pips on your collar Mister Lessing, especially for those of us who are scientists first, not warriors? Rudy Ransom and I had at least that much in common, and it's the one thing in him I will always respect.
"If you had reached the Alpha Quadrant, do you know who would have been held accountable for what happened on the Equinox? Certainly not you Noah." She said forcefully, "Your captain would have taken the full force of those regulations you so quickly toss in my face. You and your fellow crewmembers would more than likely have gotten off with a token punishment. After all, you were only following orders, right. The captain was the one making the choices, making the decisions, and giving the orders. Oh, maybe Starfleet would have made a play for the senior officers as well, if any were still alive, but Ransom certainly would have fought to stop it. He would have accepted full responsibility for all of it. Just as he did here by going down with his ship. He had a choice. He could have saved himself, but instead he chose to make the ultimate sacrifice, and in so doing absolve not only himself, but all of you, taking the guilt and responsibility for the events on the USS Equinox with him to eternity."
She allowed that to hang in the air for a moment before she continued. "So you see, Noah, I understand more than you know. In addition, because I understand your captain, I therefore know something about you. Don't you think I understand the relationship between a captain and their officers and crew? There is no greater honor, yet no greater responsibility, than to lead others. One day you may have the opportunity to find out for yourself. My crew will follow my orders just as you followed those of Rudy Ransom. It is solely my responsibility to prevent them from having to make a choice between their loyalty to me and their own conscience. No crew should ever have to face that. If they do, then the captain has failed, not them. Therefore, in that I am guilty, for I put my most trusted officers in that very position in trying to bring Ransom and the Equinox crew to justice. I forced some of them into a choice between their principles and their allegiance to me as their Captain." Once more she hesitated, but only briefly. She took a long slow breath and then spoke, but softly and reflectively this time. "You want to know the real difference Noah, the fundamental difference between Ransom and me? Nothing. Not one damn thing."
Chakotay's eyes widened noticeably at that. If they had been able to hear outside the room, they would have picked up the surprise of the rest of the crew as well. The entire ship was filled with gasps and other expressions of surprise.
"Oh, I'm pretty sure I would never have exploited another species the way he did, or treated another Starfleet ship and crew the way he chose to treat us. Ransom and Burke were ruthless. It wasn't enough to kill the aliens and use their bodies as fuel, they turned your EMH into a monster. And when they decided that we would never understand what they had done, they ran, leaving all of us defenseless. What they did to Seven was equally unforgivable. They treated her as just another alien, a resource to aid in your escape.
"Nevertheless, while it pains me to admit it, I might have made similar choices given the circumstances. The safety and wellbeing of my crew is paramount to me. If I have learned one thing out here, it's that this is not the Alpha Quadrant where the lines between right and wrong in the eyes of the Federation and Starfleet are clearly defined. The rules are different. This is much more about survival than exploration or peace keeping, and it changes people. We have no back up, no re-supply, little contact with family and friends. We are all we have. In Ransom I thought I was finally able to relate to another person who keenly understood the impact of all that on a Starfleet Captain. I trusted him implicitly as a colleague, yet within hours he betrayed my trust. I was devastated, but eventually I understood. The difference between my choices and his is that I have the finest officers and crew in Starfleet to give me strength and to keep me grounded. If not for them, I would not have survived out here.
"All I have left to say is this. I am truly sorry for the life you have had to lead here in the Delta Quadrant, I am sorry that it has had such a profound effect on you. Most importantly, I am sincerely sorry for the part I played in adding to your suffering. Nevertheless, no matter what you do to me, I have done the best I could, and live or die I'm satisfied with that. For as long as I live, I will carry a certain amount of regret and guilt with me for the choices I made, and the way I handled certain circumstances out here. However, I will also take with me the pride and love I feel for my crew, what we have accomplished together, and the kindness and respect they have returned to me ten-fold. If I'm not mistaken, that is what life is all about, accepting and learning from the bad, appreciating the good, and facing whatever comes your way with dignity, compassion and character."
Finally and completely exhausted from all she had been through, she lowered her head and said softly. "Do with me as you will."
Silence. It was palpable, both in the ready room and throughout the rest of the ship. There were few dry eyes. If they had before her speech, no one would ever again question why they had followed this woman to hell and back on more than one occasion.
=/\=
Wedged in a tiny accessway, hardly large enough even for the slim forms of Seven of Nine and B'Elanna Torres, the two woman worked on disabling a device about the size of one of the gel packs. Both of them were becoming increasingly concerned that they were running out of time. They had brought a small one way audio-visual receiver with them that allowed them to monitor the steady transmission from the ready room. While they had not spoken to each other about what they were hearing and seeing, the occasional eye contact they exchanged told them all they needed to know.
"I am curious." Said Seven as she worked with a tricorder and a small calibration tool on a panel the devise was affixed to.
"Curious about what, Seven?" replied B'Elanna, the sweat forming on her forehead a clear indicator of both the temperature and the tension in the crawl space.
Seven shifted her position, striking her elbow painfully against a support strut along the bulkhead in the process. "How crewman Lessing was able to access this area if we had so much difficulty getting here?"
"Never underestimate the capabilities of someone with a vendetta Seven. I'm sure it was just as uncomfortable for him as it is for us, maybe more so given his larger size, but I doubt he gave it much thought."
"Paris to Torres." The sound of Tom's voice interrupted their conversation.
"Go ahead Tom." B'Elanna replied softly.
Tom was wedged into a small enough space of his own. A Jefferies tube on deck eleven to be more precise. He and Tuvok had been working furiously on the transporters, trying to unscramble the seemingly endless problems with the system that Lessing had managed to construct. Noah had altered both the programming and the physical routing of some of the network pathways through the system. He had created a combination of failures that could not be corrected through normal procedures. In essence, they couldn't simply take the system completely off-line and allow it to reboot in the proper sequence on it's own, taking advantage of Voyager's own diagnostic and restorative routines. In this case, until they reversed or bypassed what he had done, the transporters were useless. Sliding his left leg beneath himself, he pushed off the deck plating in order to reach his arms farther through the access panel he was working in. "Did you hear that last transmission?" he replied.
B'Elanna looked at Seven for the briefest of moments. "Yes, we heard. Sounds as though we need to hurry."
"It seems that way. You just about done? I wish I had better news, but I don't think we'll have the transporters back for a while yet. Tuvok and I think we've found a way to bypass what Noah did and give us minimal site to site capability, but even with several of us working on it, I'm afraid it will take time to reroute everything."
B'Elanna had continued to work through their conversation and now focused her attention on an indicator light that began to blink on her tricorder. "Hold on Tom, I think I've got something. Seven, check the flow indicator again. Do you see what I see?" She said, sounding more than a little surprised.
Seven stopped what she was doing long enough to press a series of commands into her own tricorder and then waited. "It appears you are correct Lieutenant."
Torres tapped her combadge, "Torres to Kim."
"Go ahead B'Elanna." Came the response from the bridge.
"I think we've finally found the right frequency sequence. You're not going to believe this, but if I'm right, this thing couldn't harm a Talaxian Fur Fly. I'm going to try something. Keep your fingers crossed."
Harry wiped his forehead on his sleeve "I hope you're right. be careful, huh?"
The Lieutenant smiled. "Count on it Starfleet."
Harry beamed in spite of the circumstances. She hadn't called him by that nickname in a long time. When the Starfleet and Maquis crews had been thrust together so many years ago, B'Elanna had somehow managed to turn what was generally used as a derogatory term by the Maquis, into a term of affection for her new friend. Since then, their relationship had evolved to using their given names almost exclusively. But every once in a while, particularly when they were faced with a particularly dangerous challenge, she called him 'Starfleet' to convey her concern for, and trust in, her friend. It was a special way she had of communicating that everything would be okay.
Tom had heard it as well and smiled to himself even as he continued to work. He silently prayed that everything would indeed be alright. He was deeply worried about B'Elanna's safety. If something were to go wrong, there would be little chance of reaching B'Elanna and Seven quickly with the transporters still off-line. Nevertheless, he was glad that they had managed to find and deal with the more potentially devastating of the two problems.
Shifting her thoughts exclusively to the business at hand, B'Elanna wriggled a little to try to get more comfortable even though she knew it to be a losing battle. Then she looked intently at Seven. "Ready?" She queried.
Seven was well aware of the meaning of their success in this endeavor. She checked the readings on her tricorder one last time and used the calibration tool to make one final adjustment. "Ready." She said softly and turned to look directly at her companion.
They shared a knowing glance and then B'Elanna turned back to her work. "Well, here goes."
Seven only nodded, knowing that if they were wrong, this could very much determine whether they all lived or died. At the very least, it would have a profound impact on their captain's fate. Something that was bothering the former Borg drone far more than she would have liked to admit.
Rubbing her eyes quickly, B'Elanna took a couple of deep breaths, entered the sequence, and waited.
After what seemed an eternity, Harry Kim saw what he had been longing to ever since the ordeal began. The indicator that he had configured to show him the status of the signal from the control devise in Lessing's hand, to the receiving device in the plasma injector system, blinked once and then went out altogether. "Yes!" Harry exclaimed as he thumped his fist on the top of the operations console. "That's it B'Elanna, the signal's been completely disrupted."
Everyone on the bridge heaved a deep sigh of relief, including a usually stoic Vulcan tactical officer.
Tom was so excited, he leapt for joy, momentarily forgetting his surroundings, and in the process banging his head painfully on the upper surface of the Jefferies tube. His first thought, after the brief pain in his head, was how proud he was of B'Elanna. She had been through a lot between the questioning and largely leading the effort to clean up the mess that Lessing had created. She was also deeply concerned for Captain Janeway, as they all were. And with everything, she had come through for them all, just as he knew she would. "Nice work B'Elanna." He said quietly over the still open comlink."
Recognizing the deep emotion in Tom's tone of voice, she replied with a simple but heartfelt, "Thanks." Now was not the time to be distracted by sentiment and she knew he'd understand. B'Elanna glowered at the device affixed to superstructure. It had been a ruse, albeit an extremely elaborate one. The signal had been real. Even the reaction of the ship's monitoring systems had made it appear there was a real danger. However, there was nothing connected to the devise itself that could actually cause an explosion, nor would the signal connections allow a bypass of Voyager's redundant safety systems to cause an overload. Put simply, the bomb was a dud. "Harry. Seven and I have some clean up work to finish here to get everything back on line properly, but I suggest you and Tuvok let Chakotay know that Lessing was bluffing about blowing up Voyager. That should give him something to work with."
This time it wasn't Harry that responded. "Understood Lieutenant." Tuvok replied, and then keyed a few commands in his own console to trigger the rest of their plans. Once done, he pulled a phaser from his waist and summoned the security team to converge on the ready room doors. They could see from the viewscreen that, for the moment at least, Lessing was far enough away from the Captain that there might be a chance to get her out of there if they acted quickly enough.
=/\=
TBC
Written - 8/20/02
Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion.
Rating - PG
Chapter 7
Lessing knew he was just about finished. He could not have been more pleased with the results so far. Chakotay had little to counter his arguments. Just a few more minutes and he could wrap all this up in a nice neat package. What would become of him after that was anyone's guess, but at least he would have done what he promised himself at the beginning of all this. He also knew he needed to hurry. He was quickly beginning to feel physically ill. Even the diminished light in the room bothered his eyes and he felt his energy draining. "I have one last question Commander. What precipitated your being relieved of duty by the Captain?"
Not knowing what else to do, Chakotay simply answered the question as noncommittally as possible. "We had a disagreement."
"So, in essence, she relieved you from duty because you disagreed with her once too often with regard to the Equinox and the aliens?"
Chakotay again had an edge to his voice. "It's a bit more complicated than that Crewman. We have had disagreements on the approach to a problem before. It's no secret, many of the crew have witnessed them."
"But none of them led to your being relieved of duty, isn't that so?"
The Commander shifted uncomfortably in his seat. If he was to have an impact on this proceeding, it had better be now. He had received no status updates through his combadge, leading him to believe that if nothing else he needed to stall. The way things had gone, he also felt he owed the Captain something, a vote of confidence of sorts. He glanced briefly at her and found her to be leaning back in her chair again, something she had done every few minutes since he came in. Her head was tilted slightly back and her eyes were closed, but whether he had eye contact or not, he would do this, for her.
"Yes Crewman, that is so. However, do you realize why I even agreed to follow that order? Because no matter what you may think, no matter how you may wish to discredit her, Kathryn Janeway is my Captain. She has earned my respect and my loyalty a thousand times over. She has kept the ship whole and this crew alive under the most difficult of circumstances. I personally owe her my life as she has saved it on countless occasions. I may not always agree with the decisions she makes, but in the end, she carries the responsibility for what happens out here. That gives her the right to go it alone if she feels the situation warrants it. As for what happened with the Equinox, whether I agreed with her approach or not, it was Captain Ransom and his crew that forced her down a path she had little control over. One that more often than not she was simply reacting to. I sympathize with what you went through, but that does not justify your actions here today anymore than what Ransom did justifies some of Captain Janeway's actions in response. We all make our own choices Crewman. Maybe it's time you learned from the less then stellar choices of those around you and made better ones."
Lessing was completely speechless. He had severely underestimated the loyalty that Chakotay had for this woman, even with everything that she had done. It surprised him. How in the world could the Commander be so blind to what she was? Or could it be that it really was Lessing himself that needed to change, to let go of the past, to look a little deeper for the reason he felt the way he did. His thoughts in turmoil, he felt the pain rise in his temples again and his palms began to sweat.
Chakotay had been watching Kathryn. She looked exhausted, as if holding her head up was a struggle in itself. Her eyes, one now painfully swollen, were dull and listless. He knew he was the last of Lessing's chosen witnesses, but more than a minute had passed since he had finished speaking and no new questions had been forthcoming. He knew without any doubt that much of what Tuvok, B'Elanna and he himself had relayed had been difficult for her to hear. He would never have intentionally hurt her, but she herself had insisted on their honesty. He prayed that the others had made good on their plan, or he doubted his captain and friend was long for the world.
For her part, Janeway couldn't remember ever having been this weary. Her lack of sleep and her head injury had long ago exacted their toll. She shook her head as much as she dared in an effort to break free of the fatigue, her relentless headache preventing more purposeful movement. It was time, time to state her case no matter how she felt and no matter who was listening. She had been made to sit and listen to the events of a year ago, flavored with the personal recollections and emotions of her staff and the Equinox crew, and had said, or been requested to say almost nothing. In the end, her accuser would pronounce her guilty, of that much she was certain. Whether Noah Lessing wanted it or not, it was her turn.
As Chakotay prepared to stand, not knowing exactly what to do next, she raised her head, straightened her posture, and looked directly in his eyes. "Sit down Commander." She declared. "I want you to be witness to what I have to say."
Lessing was shaken out of his momentary reverie and looked alarmed, "Captain, what are you doing?" He said as he leaned forward just enough that she could see him in her peripheral vision.
"Something I should have done hours ago." She demanded. "You've obviously already pronounced me guilty. Whether you've actually said it or not is of no consequence. This entire proceeding has simply been about getting all your accusations out in the open so you'd have an excuse to get even. So what do you have to lose? As the condemned, I do have a right to issue a statement before you pronounce sentence do I not? Well, I now exercise that right."
Rising to his feet, Lessing swiftly approached the Captain, threatening her with the knife again. Chakotay, still on his feet despite the Captain's request, made a move toward her would-be attacker. "No!" She shouted. "Leave him be Commander."
Chakotay stopped in his tracks as ordered, for it was indeed an order, but he still felt an excellent opportunity had just been squandered.
Kathryn Janeway's eyes never left Lessing as she ordered Chakotay to stop. She then turned the full force of her command presence on him. "What are you afraid of Noah, hmm? You still have me where you want me, and you hold that detonator to ensure your safety from my officers. To top it all off, you've done a masterful job of discrediting me in front of my entire crew. That is what you set out to do isn't it, at least in part?"
Lessing simply glared at her, barely contained rage evident in his bloodshot and massively dilated eyes.
"Well I admit it, all of it. Everything they have said is true." Her voice was strong, clear and unwavering. With that, Chakotay moved back to his chair and sat, curious where she would go with this, and Lessing stood up and backed away from her as if struck.
"You say I did not try to understand your circumstances, that I simply passed judgement on all of you. A simple matter of Starfleet regulations and protocol and adherence to Federation law. Well, let me enlighten you. You could not be more wrong. I understand more than you could possibly know, more than even my own crew probably believes."
She took a quick breath and continued, determination etched into her features. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be the Captain of a starship all alone out here? Do you know why I found Rudy Ransom's conduct so reprehensible?" Her voice steadily rose with each word, but she retained her composure. "There most certainly was the issue of his oath as a Captain and the fact that he had flushed it out an airlock. Worse yet, he had taken all of you right along with him. But chiefly it was because when I looked at him, I saw myself. I saw a person I could very well have become if our circumstances had been a little different. Something I've come close to on more than one occasion." Her gaze moved briefly to capture her first officer. He returned her intensity with a look of great respect and understanding.
Chakotay's support gave her the strength to continue and she turned to lock her eyes with Lessing's again. "You have no idea of the responsibility and the loneliness that being a Captain brings with it, the overwhelming sense of responsibility, the lives you hold squarely in the palm of your hand. Do you know the first thing about what it's like when you step onto the bridge of a starship for the first time with four pips on your collar Mister Lessing, especially for those of us who are scientists first, not warriors? Rudy Ransom and I had at least that much in common, and it's the one thing in him I will always respect.
"If you had reached the Alpha Quadrant, do you know who would have been held accountable for what happened on the Equinox? Certainly not you Noah." She said forcefully, "Your captain would have taken the full force of those regulations you so quickly toss in my face. You and your fellow crewmembers would more than likely have gotten off with a token punishment. After all, you were only following orders, right. The captain was the one making the choices, making the decisions, and giving the orders. Oh, maybe Starfleet would have made a play for the senior officers as well, if any were still alive, but Ransom certainly would have fought to stop it. He would have accepted full responsibility for all of it. Just as he did here by going down with his ship. He had a choice. He could have saved himself, but instead he chose to make the ultimate sacrifice, and in so doing absolve not only himself, but all of you, taking the guilt and responsibility for the events on the USS Equinox with him to eternity."
She allowed that to hang in the air for a moment before she continued. "So you see, Noah, I understand more than you know. In addition, because I understand your captain, I therefore know something about you. Don't you think I understand the relationship between a captain and their officers and crew? There is no greater honor, yet no greater responsibility, than to lead others. One day you may have the opportunity to find out for yourself. My crew will follow my orders just as you followed those of Rudy Ransom. It is solely my responsibility to prevent them from having to make a choice between their loyalty to me and their own conscience. No crew should ever have to face that. If they do, then the captain has failed, not them. Therefore, in that I am guilty, for I put my most trusted officers in that very position in trying to bring Ransom and the Equinox crew to justice. I forced some of them into a choice between their principles and their allegiance to me as their Captain." Once more she hesitated, but only briefly. She took a long slow breath and then spoke, but softly and reflectively this time. "You want to know the real difference Noah, the fundamental difference between Ransom and me? Nothing. Not one damn thing."
Chakotay's eyes widened noticeably at that. If they had been able to hear outside the room, they would have picked up the surprise of the rest of the crew as well. The entire ship was filled with gasps and other expressions of surprise.
"Oh, I'm pretty sure I would never have exploited another species the way he did, or treated another Starfleet ship and crew the way he chose to treat us. Ransom and Burke were ruthless. It wasn't enough to kill the aliens and use their bodies as fuel, they turned your EMH into a monster. And when they decided that we would never understand what they had done, they ran, leaving all of us defenseless. What they did to Seven was equally unforgivable. They treated her as just another alien, a resource to aid in your escape.
"Nevertheless, while it pains me to admit it, I might have made similar choices given the circumstances. The safety and wellbeing of my crew is paramount to me. If I have learned one thing out here, it's that this is not the Alpha Quadrant where the lines between right and wrong in the eyes of the Federation and Starfleet are clearly defined. The rules are different. This is much more about survival than exploration or peace keeping, and it changes people. We have no back up, no re-supply, little contact with family and friends. We are all we have. In Ransom I thought I was finally able to relate to another person who keenly understood the impact of all that on a Starfleet Captain. I trusted him implicitly as a colleague, yet within hours he betrayed my trust. I was devastated, but eventually I understood. The difference between my choices and his is that I have the finest officers and crew in Starfleet to give me strength and to keep me grounded. If not for them, I would not have survived out here.
"All I have left to say is this. I am truly sorry for the life you have had to lead here in the Delta Quadrant, I am sorry that it has had such a profound effect on you. Most importantly, I am sincerely sorry for the part I played in adding to your suffering. Nevertheless, no matter what you do to me, I have done the best I could, and live or die I'm satisfied with that. For as long as I live, I will carry a certain amount of regret and guilt with me for the choices I made, and the way I handled certain circumstances out here. However, I will also take with me the pride and love I feel for my crew, what we have accomplished together, and the kindness and respect they have returned to me ten-fold. If I'm not mistaken, that is what life is all about, accepting and learning from the bad, appreciating the good, and facing whatever comes your way with dignity, compassion and character."
Finally and completely exhausted from all she had been through, she lowered her head and said softly. "Do with me as you will."
Silence. It was palpable, both in the ready room and throughout the rest of the ship. There were few dry eyes. If they had before her speech, no one would ever again question why they had followed this woman to hell and back on more than one occasion.
=/\=
Wedged in a tiny accessway, hardly large enough even for the slim forms of Seven of Nine and B'Elanna Torres, the two woman worked on disabling a device about the size of one of the gel packs. Both of them were becoming increasingly concerned that they were running out of time. They had brought a small one way audio-visual receiver with them that allowed them to monitor the steady transmission from the ready room. While they had not spoken to each other about what they were hearing and seeing, the occasional eye contact they exchanged told them all they needed to know.
"I am curious." Said Seven as she worked with a tricorder and a small calibration tool on a panel the devise was affixed to.
"Curious about what, Seven?" replied B'Elanna, the sweat forming on her forehead a clear indicator of both the temperature and the tension in the crawl space.
Seven shifted her position, striking her elbow painfully against a support strut along the bulkhead in the process. "How crewman Lessing was able to access this area if we had so much difficulty getting here?"
"Never underestimate the capabilities of someone with a vendetta Seven. I'm sure it was just as uncomfortable for him as it is for us, maybe more so given his larger size, but I doubt he gave it much thought."
"Paris to Torres." The sound of Tom's voice interrupted their conversation.
"Go ahead Tom." B'Elanna replied softly.
Tom was wedged into a small enough space of his own. A Jefferies tube on deck eleven to be more precise. He and Tuvok had been working furiously on the transporters, trying to unscramble the seemingly endless problems with the system that Lessing had managed to construct. Noah had altered both the programming and the physical routing of some of the network pathways through the system. He had created a combination of failures that could not be corrected through normal procedures. In essence, they couldn't simply take the system completely off-line and allow it to reboot in the proper sequence on it's own, taking advantage of Voyager's own diagnostic and restorative routines. In this case, until they reversed or bypassed what he had done, the transporters were useless. Sliding his left leg beneath himself, he pushed off the deck plating in order to reach his arms farther through the access panel he was working in. "Did you hear that last transmission?" he replied.
B'Elanna looked at Seven for the briefest of moments. "Yes, we heard. Sounds as though we need to hurry."
"It seems that way. You just about done? I wish I had better news, but I don't think we'll have the transporters back for a while yet. Tuvok and I think we've found a way to bypass what Noah did and give us minimal site to site capability, but even with several of us working on it, I'm afraid it will take time to reroute everything."
B'Elanna had continued to work through their conversation and now focused her attention on an indicator light that began to blink on her tricorder. "Hold on Tom, I think I've got something. Seven, check the flow indicator again. Do you see what I see?" She said, sounding more than a little surprised.
Seven stopped what she was doing long enough to press a series of commands into her own tricorder and then waited. "It appears you are correct Lieutenant."
Torres tapped her combadge, "Torres to Kim."
"Go ahead B'Elanna." Came the response from the bridge.
"I think we've finally found the right frequency sequence. You're not going to believe this, but if I'm right, this thing couldn't harm a Talaxian Fur Fly. I'm going to try something. Keep your fingers crossed."
Harry wiped his forehead on his sleeve "I hope you're right. be careful, huh?"
The Lieutenant smiled. "Count on it Starfleet."
Harry beamed in spite of the circumstances. She hadn't called him by that nickname in a long time. When the Starfleet and Maquis crews had been thrust together so many years ago, B'Elanna had somehow managed to turn what was generally used as a derogatory term by the Maquis, into a term of affection for her new friend. Since then, their relationship had evolved to using their given names almost exclusively. But every once in a while, particularly when they were faced with a particularly dangerous challenge, she called him 'Starfleet' to convey her concern for, and trust in, her friend. It was a special way she had of communicating that everything would be okay.
Tom had heard it as well and smiled to himself even as he continued to work. He silently prayed that everything would indeed be alright. He was deeply worried about B'Elanna's safety. If something were to go wrong, there would be little chance of reaching B'Elanna and Seven quickly with the transporters still off-line. Nevertheless, he was glad that they had managed to find and deal with the more potentially devastating of the two problems.
Shifting her thoughts exclusively to the business at hand, B'Elanna wriggled a little to try to get more comfortable even though she knew it to be a losing battle. Then she looked intently at Seven. "Ready?" She queried.
Seven was well aware of the meaning of their success in this endeavor. She checked the readings on her tricorder one last time and used the calibration tool to make one final adjustment. "Ready." She said softly and turned to look directly at her companion.
They shared a knowing glance and then B'Elanna turned back to her work. "Well, here goes."
Seven only nodded, knowing that if they were wrong, this could very much determine whether they all lived or died. At the very least, it would have a profound impact on their captain's fate. Something that was bothering the former Borg drone far more than she would have liked to admit.
Rubbing her eyes quickly, B'Elanna took a couple of deep breaths, entered the sequence, and waited.
After what seemed an eternity, Harry Kim saw what he had been longing to ever since the ordeal began. The indicator that he had configured to show him the status of the signal from the control devise in Lessing's hand, to the receiving device in the plasma injector system, blinked once and then went out altogether. "Yes!" Harry exclaimed as he thumped his fist on the top of the operations console. "That's it B'Elanna, the signal's been completely disrupted."
Everyone on the bridge heaved a deep sigh of relief, including a usually stoic Vulcan tactical officer.
Tom was so excited, he leapt for joy, momentarily forgetting his surroundings, and in the process banging his head painfully on the upper surface of the Jefferies tube. His first thought, after the brief pain in his head, was how proud he was of B'Elanna. She had been through a lot between the questioning and largely leading the effort to clean up the mess that Lessing had created. She was also deeply concerned for Captain Janeway, as they all were. And with everything, she had come through for them all, just as he knew she would. "Nice work B'Elanna." He said quietly over the still open comlink."
Recognizing the deep emotion in Tom's tone of voice, she replied with a simple but heartfelt, "Thanks." Now was not the time to be distracted by sentiment and she knew he'd understand. B'Elanna glowered at the device affixed to superstructure. It had been a ruse, albeit an extremely elaborate one. The signal had been real. Even the reaction of the ship's monitoring systems had made it appear there was a real danger. However, there was nothing connected to the devise itself that could actually cause an explosion, nor would the signal connections allow a bypass of Voyager's redundant safety systems to cause an overload. Put simply, the bomb was a dud. "Harry. Seven and I have some clean up work to finish here to get everything back on line properly, but I suggest you and Tuvok let Chakotay know that Lessing was bluffing about blowing up Voyager. That should give him something to work with."
This time it wasn't Harry that responded. "Understood Lieutenant." Tuvok replied, and then keyed a few commands in his own console to trigger the rest of their plans. Once done, he pulled a phaser from his waist and summoned the security team to converge on the ready room doors. They could see from the viewscreen that, for the moment at least, Lessing was far enough away from the Captain that there might be a chance to get her out of there if they acted quickly enough.
=/\=
TBC