Redemption
Written - 8/20/02
Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion.
Rating - PG
Chapter 9
Almost 18 hours later, a weary and sore Kathryn Janeway sat leaning against the back of the sofa in her quarters, gazing out the viewport at the stars streaking past as they made their way relentlessly toward home. Lost in thought, she didn't take notice of the door chime, nor the distinct swish of the outer door allowing someone entry. Then all was quiet for a moment.
Chakotay stood stock still for a few moments and examined his surroundings. He had expected to find Seven of Nine keeping vigil in the Captain's living room while the Captain herself was fast asleep in her bed. He was quite surprised to see Kathryn up this soon after what she had been through. She was wearing a loose fitting white knit tunic and blue slacks and his first thought was of how long it had been since he'd seen her in anything but her uniform. Since the incident with the Equinox, she had even shied away from many of the ship's social functions. It was something that he and several other members of the staff had noticed, but they weren't entirely sure what the problem was. Now, after the experience with Lessing, he needn't wonder any longer.
Watching her he also noticed that her hair fell loosely to her shoulders, the familiar curl that kept it's length within regulations while on duty, nonexistent. She wasn't wearing any makeup either and he suddenly realized that in all the time he had known her, he could count the number of times he had seen her this way on one hand. It made her appear vulnerable to him. He shook off the feeling quickly and turned to Seven who sat at the Captain's desk engrossed in something at the computer console. "Seven?" He queried.
"Commander." She acknowledged.
"How long has our intrepid Captain been up?"
"Since shortly after the Doctor allowed her to return to her quarters, she."
The Captain interrupted, "Would the two of you mind not speaking about me as though I wasn't in the room?"
Chakotay chuckled softly to himself. "Well, well, it's good to see you still have that commanding tone we love to hear. Although, I thought the Doctor released you on the agreement that you would rest? Bed rest if I'm not mistaken." He said with a broad smile as he approached her and sat facing her on the sofa.
"For me this is resting Commander. Besides, I've slept enough, both here and in sickbay. And I needed a change of scenery." She had been in sickbay for almost twelve hours while the Doctor treated her and kept her sedated. After she awoke, he had kept her another few hours before he was comfortable with releasing her to her quarters.
As she tried to turn toward Chakotay, she found the movement difficult. As a result, she only turned part of the way.
He noticed. "Take it easy Kathryn. You're not quite back to your normally energetic self yet." He said, resting a hand on her forearm.
She ignored this comment. "How's your arm?" She inquired.
"Good as new." He said as he rolled his free arm back and forth and wiggled his fingers as if to prove the point. "Thank you for asking." Chakotay sat back and crossed his arms, still looking skeptical at her comment about resting. Then he turned again toward Seven. "I'll keep the Captain company for a while Seven, why don't you take a break?"
"Very well Commander. Captain, I'll be back to see you later." Seven had shut down the computer and moved toward the door.
"Thank you Seven. I appreciate your looking after me." Said Janeway.
"You are most welcome." With that the former Borg drone left the Captain's quarters with her typical efficient and purposeful motion to whatever business she felt important at the moment.
Janeway smiled and shook her head as she watched Seven leave. Her protégé had been there ever since Janeway had gotten herself up, showered and dressed, able to stand the confines of her bed no longer. While she wasn't particularly fond of being hovered over, she appreciated all the concern for her wellbeing nonetheless. For someone with as much pent up energy as Kathryn Janeway, bed rest was almost an impossible request. If she was conscious, she needed to be up and about. In this case, her physical condition didn't allow her the freedom she would like, but at least she was up, dressed and somewhat presentable. Seven had tried to talk her out of it to no avail and had resigned herself to simply standing by in case she was needed in any way.
Kathryn knew that she was being scrutinized by her first officer. She decided to officially start the conversation by trying to sound reassuring for his sake, "I think that's the first really good night's sleep I've gotten since we arrived in this quadrant. I'll consider myself lucky."
"You should." He smiled and slid a little closer to her. "Tom and the Doctor had their hands full for a while. You'd lost a lot of blood and."
She held up a somewhat shaky hand in a common Janeway gesture. "I get the idea. Thank them for me when you see them."
"I'll be happy to, but you're likely to see the doctor yourself any time now. He said he would be back about now to check up on you."
"I was wondering about that. Nice of him to release me to my quarters. And since you've obviously been in contact with him more recently than I have, what did he tell you about my condition?"
"You're off duty for the next 48 hours. The Doctor said to tell you to relax. The rest is mostly to allow you to recover from the blood loss. If you push it, it'll take longer for you to fully recover. He also said you're likely to be a bit sore for a while." Both the Doctor and her first officer knew this was not really necessary for her physical recovery, she needed the time to deal with all of this emotionally as well.
"That's an understatement." She confirmed, unconsciously placing one hand on her chest while also acknowledging a slight headache.
"Good, then we won't have to worry about you following my instructions for a change. Although I thought I told you to rest." This from the doctor who had appeared in the doorway unnoticed by either of them.
Janeway's only response was an overly dramatic roll of her eyes.
Chakotay smirked knowingly at her and then stood and moved away from the sofa to allow the Doctor to check her condition. They were all quiet for a time while he ran a tricorder over her. "Vital signs normal. Hemoglobin levels returning to normal." Then he folded the tricorder and set it down to look into her right eye. "Any headaches Captain?"
"If I tell the truth, will you leave sooner?" She said, the intensity of her gaze magnified by their relative proximity.
Chakotay huffed and lifted his hand to his mouth to prevent his amusement from becoming audible.
"Very funny Captain, just answer the question please." The Doctor continued.
"A mild one. Comes and goes."
The Doctor looked into her eyes for another second or two and then stood quickly. "Good, then I'd say you're well on your way to a full recovery."
"Thank you Doctor." She replied, rolling her eyes again at the barest hint of condescension in his tone.
"Have you had anything to eat?"
Until the EMH mentioned it, she hadn't realized how hungry she was. A meal actually sounded quite good. Doing the math in her head, she realized that she had not really eaten in almost a day and a half. "Ok, I'm game, I don't suppose a nice hot cup of black coffee is on the menu?"
The Doctor scowled and looked at the Commander who simply shrugged his shoulders and looked knowingly back at the Captain again, "I told him that would be your first request."
"It's nice to be so predictable." She said as she gingerly turned herself until she sat normally on the sofa facing forward.
"Commander, would you get the meal I programmed into the replicator? Just ask for Janeway D1."
"I'll be right back." He said as he left them to use the replicator.
In a short time, Chakotay was back with a tray. On it was a poached egg, toast, a class of juice and, to her surprise, a steaming cup of coffee."
She looked up into the doctor's face. "Thank you." She happily exclaimed.
"My pleasure Captain. Now eat your breakfast and then get some rest. You may get ship's status reports through the Commander here, but I want several hours of uninterrupted relaxation. Sleep, read a book, whatever you like, but reports to a minimum. In addition, for the time being you are confined to quarters. Understood."
"Yes sir." She said with a mock salute.
"Good, I'm glad we understand each other." Standing, he turned to the Commander. "You'll keep an eye on her?"
Chakotay smiled, looking at her as he replied, "I'll do my best."
The Doctor glowered, "Well, I suppose that will have to do. Call me if you need me."
As the Doctor left the Captain's quarters, Chakotay resumed his seat on the sofa next to her to keep her company while she ate. And eat she did. She had the food gone and was nursing her coffee in only a few minutes. "That's a good sign."
There was a definite grin on her face as she took a sip of her coffee. "What, that I've got an appetite, or that I still worship my coffee?" She said, never lifting her eyes from he mug.
He laughed in response, "Well since you put it that way, both I guess." Then he moved the tray out of the way for her and set it on the floor.
"Thanks." She said. "How are things with the ship, all systems back on line?"
"The senior staff and a number of technicians were pretty busy for a while, but they have everything back to normal."
"Taking another sip of her coffee, she tried to make her next question sound routine, "So, how's my friend Lessing."
He wasn't surprised at how quickly she got to that subject. "He's confined to quarters as you asked. He's been pretty quiet." Pausing, he considered his next course of action carefully. There was something extremely important that she needed to know, but maybe it should wait a little longer until she had a chance to fully recover, for when they would deal with what happened in it's entirety.
Noticing the somewhat abrupt halt to her first officer's train of thought she inquired, "Chakotay, what is it?"
"I was going to wait to tell you this, but it's probably best that you know. Tuvok and I had the doctor look Lessing over after we had your situation under control. The Doctor ran some tests and discovered something quite interesting."
Her eyes rose over the end of her coffee mug as she halted in mid sip. "And that is."
"There were significant amounts of an unknown narcotic in his blood stream. Apparently our Mr. Lessing is addicted."
"How in the world." She looked somewhat shocked. There had never been any recorded substance abuse problems among the Voyager crew. It was something she had worried about early in the voyage, when the stress of their circumstances was still fresh in their minds. That thought had quickly waned when she had seen the crew in action, both on and off duty, and observed the way they handled themselves and supported each other. Of course, things could get a little carried away at times in the holodeck, but that was all in fun. "I knew there had to be some explanation for his bazaar behavior. And we both noticed he didn't look well. I know he probably harbors some resentment against me for what happened a year ago, but I would never have anticipated something like this. Does the Doctor know the source?"
"He's done a complete analysis and he's pretty sure it's from a planet we visited more than six months ago. It's base is a naturally occurring compound similar to several he studied while we were in the system trading for supplies."
"But how could he have smuggled such a thing on board, especially enough to last for six months. Tuvok or one of his team most certainly would have noticed something."
Chakotay and Tuvok had puzzled over that themselves for some time until they checked the energy patterns from the replicator in Lessing's quarters. Somehow he had managed to decompose the substance from the small supply he had obtained from the planet and had eventually been able to produce it on command. "He didn't, he simply figured out how to make more."
"You mean he replicated it?"
"Exactly. Of course the naturally occurring variety was much more potent and he rationed that for special occasions. Kidnapping you and holding Voyager hostage was apparently just such an event. The Doctor said he was surprised Noah could function at all with the amount of the stuff he had in his system. He also indicated that the substance has an hallucinogenic effect. The longer Noah continued to use it, the more it effected his perceptions and his judgement."
Janeway didn't respond immediately. She wasn't exactly sure what to say. She also wasn't sure whether she should be grateful or dismayed. Had Noah acted out of his own instinct or had he done what he did because he was under the influence of a foreign substance? Obviously he would have to have been harboring some animosity toward her, the drug was not likely to have completely induced what he did on it's own. "How is he?"
"Well, he had a rough night. Doc gave him something to control the withdrawal, but it still wasn't easy for him, and it may take a few more days for the physical effects to completely subside. The psychological effects are another issue altogether. And of course we need to find a way to help him with whatever it is that made him choose to take the substance in the first place. Tuvok and I have been keeping a close eye on him but we thought it best to give him a little more time before we started questioning him. Besides, we've been a little busy with other things."
Looking deeply into his eyes, she said, "I want to be there when you see him."
Chakotay shook his head. "Kathryn, besides that fact that the Doctor has given you a medical order for your own good, the man came very close to killing you. What could you possibly hope to accomplish?"
She may not feel up to her usual self, but her response was no less than commanding, "First of all I think it's important that I let him know I'm not afraid of him. Particularly now that I know about his problem." Her gaze never wavered from his, and he found himself wondering who she was trying to convince. He knew this woman well, and fear was something he had never seen in her eyes, even though he knew she felt it from time to time. If she was feeling any from this incident, it wasn't from Noah Lessing. She would face down an entire armada of Borg and never flinch. No, more than likely the whole experience had been a reminder of the fear she had felt in herself a year ago. In finding she was capable of actions she had much regretted afterwards.
She continued "Most importantly, drug induced or not, Noah Lessing has had his revenge and I suspect has found it somewhat less than satisfying. At least in the way he envisioned it. I think he is the victim of circumstances. His sensibilities twisted along the way." She looked at her hands briefly, rubbed her wrists as if in remembrance of her ordeal, and then raised her eyes toward him again, "Something I managed in no small way to contribute to. I've reviewed his service record, both before and after the Equinox posting. Everything points to him being a loyal crewman and truly a gentle person who was forced into actions he abhorred in himself, and a year is a long time to simmer over something. Eventually all that pent up anger and frustration had to go somewhere and I was a convenient target. And if all that was exacerbated by an addiction." She stopped speaking, as if to collect her thoughts. Shifting slightly on the cushions she went on, "I want to help him come back to himself. Make him a productive member of our family."
Chakotay wasn't surprised. This was vintage Janeway, no member of her crew, adopted or otherwise, was ever beyond help, and her personal attention if need be. He had a sneaking suspicion that she had always been this way, but even more so since they had been stranded so far from home. He knew it would be pointless to argue with her. He also knew from his discussions with Marla Gilmore and several others since all this began, that Noah had been egged on. Without even knowing it, Angelo Tessoni had played a major role in twisting Noah's opinion of the Captain when he was in no condition to prevent it from happening. They would find a way to deal with all of it. Together. Just as they had everything else out here. "You are amazing, you know that?"
"So I've been told. But will you support me in this?"
"Do I have a choice?" He moved closer to her on the sofa in order to look down at her so that he could at least pretend he had some influence over her.
"I'm glad we understand each other."
He shook his head. "I'll make the arrangements with Tuvok, and I'll be back to check on you later. In the mean time, rest will you?"
She nodded and smiled at him then shrugged herself farther into the cushions and closed her eyes. Chakotay reached for an afghan that was thrown over the back of a nearby chair and covered her with it. She was asleep almost before Chakotay was out her door.
=/\=
TBC
Written - 8/20/02
Summary - It's the anniversary of the encounter with the Equinox and Noah Lessing has something special in mind to mark the occasion.
Rating - PG
Chapter 9
Almost 18 hours later, a weary and sore Kathryn Janeway sat leaning against the back of the sofa in her quarters, gazing out the viewport at the stars streaking past as they made their way relentlessly toward home. Lost in thought, she didn't take notice of the door chime, nor the distinct swish of the outer door allowing someone entry. Then all was quiet for a moment.
Chakotay stood stock still for a few moments and examined his surroundings. He had expected to find Seven of Nine keeping vigil in the Captain's living room while the Captain herself was fast asleep in her bed. He was quite surprised to see Kathryn up this soon after what she had been through. She was wearing a loose fitting white knit tunic and blue slacks and his first thought was of how long it had been since he'd seen her in anything but her uniform. Since the incident with the Equinox, she had even shied away from many of the ship's social functions. It was something that he and several other members of the staff had noticed, but they weren't entirely sure what the problem was. Now, after the experience with Lessing, he needn't wonder any longer.
Watching her he also noticed that her hair fell loosely to her shoulders, the familiar curl that kept it's length within regulations while on duty, nonexistent. She wasn't wearing any makeup either and he suddenly realized that in all the time he had known her, he could count the number of times he had seen her this way on one hand. It made her appear vulnerable to him. He shook off the feeling quickly and turned to Seven who sat at the Captain's desk engrossed in something at the computer console. "Seven?" He queried.
"Commander." She acknowledged.
"How long has our intrepid Captain been up?"
"Since shortly after the Doctor allowed her to return to her quarters, she."
The Captain interrupted, "Would the two of you mind not speaking about me as though I wasn't in the room?"
Chakotay chuckled softly to himself. "Well, well, it's good to see you still have that commanding tone we love to hear. Although, I thought the Doctor released you on the agreement that you would rest? Bed rest if I'm not mistaken." He said with a broad smile as he approached her and sat facing her on the sofa.
"For me this is resting Commander. Besides, I've slept enough, both here and in sickbay. And I needed a change of scenery." She had been in sickbay for almost twelve hours while the Doctor treated her and kept her sedated. After she awoke, he had kept her another few hours before he was comfortable with releasing her to her quarters.
As she tried to turn toward Chakotay, she found the movement difficult. As a result, she only turned part of the way.
He noticed. "Take it easy Kathryn. You're not quite back to your normally energetic self yet." He said, resting a hand on her forearm.
She ignored this comment. "How's your arm?" She inquired.
"Good as new." He said as he rolled his free arm back and forth and wiggled his fingers as if to prove the point. "Thank you for asking." Chakotay sat back and crossed his arms, still looking skeptical at her comment about resting. Then he turned again toward Seven. "I'll keep the Captain company for a while Seven, why don't you take a break?"
"Very well Commander. Captain, I'll be back to see you later." Seven had shut down the computer and moved toward the door.
"Thank you Seven. I appreciate your looking after me." Said Janeway.
"You are most welcome." With that the former Borg drone left the Captain's quarters with her typical efficient and purposeful motion to whatever business she felt important at the moment.
Janeway smiled and shook her head as she watched Seven leave. Her protégé had been there ever since Janeway had gotten herself up, showered and dressed, able to stand the confines of her bed no longer. While she wasn't particularly fond of being hovered over, she appreciated all the concern for her wellbeing nonetheless. For someone with as much pent up energy as Kathryn Janeway, bed rest was almost an impossible request. If she was conscious, she needed to be up and about. In this case, her physical condition didn't allow her the freedom she would like, but at least she was up, dressed and somewhat presentable. Seven had tried to talk her out of it to no avail and had resigned herself to simply standing by in case she was needed in any way.
Kathryn knew that she was being scrutinized by her first officer. She decided to officially start the conversation by trying to sound reassuring for his sake, "I think that's the first really good night's sleep I've gotten since we arrived in this quadrant. I'll consider myself lucky."
"You should." He smiled and slid a little closer to her. "Tom and the Doctor had their hands full for a while. You'd lost a lot of blood and."
She held up a somewhat shaky hand in a common Janeway gesture. "I get the idea. Thank them for me when you see them."
"I'll be happy to, but you're likely to see the doctor yourself any time now. He said he would be back about now to check up on you."
"I was wondering about that. Nice of him to release me to my quarters. And since you've obviously been in contact with him more recently than I have, what did he tell you about my condition?"
"You're off duty for the next 48 hours. The Doctor said to tell you to relax. The rest is mostly to allow you to recover from the blood loss. If you push it, it'll take longer for you to fully recover. He also said you're likely to be a bit sore for a while." Both the Doctor and her first officer knew this was not really necessary for her physical recovery, she needed the time to deal with all of this emotionally as well.
"That's an understatement." She confirmed, unconsciously placing one hand on her chest while also acknowledging a slight headache.
"Good, then we won't have to worry about you following my instructions for a change. Although I thought I told you to rest." This from the doctor who had appeared in the doorway unnoticed by either of them.
Janeway's only response was an overly dramatic roll of her eyes.
Chakotay smirked knowingly at her and then stood and moved away from the sofa to allow the Doctor to check her condition. They were all quiet for a time while he ran a tricorder over her. "Vital signs normal. Hemoglobin levels returning to normal." Then he folded the tricorder and set it down to look into her right eye. "Any headaches Captain?"
"If I tell the truth, will you leave sooner?" She said, the intensity of her gaze magnified by their relative proximity.
Chakotay huffed and lifted his hand to his mouth to prevent his amusement from becoming audible.
"Very funny Captain, just answer the question please." The Doctor continued.
"A mild one. Comes and goes."
The Doctor looked into her eyes for another second or two and then stood quickly. "Good, then I'd say you're well on your way to a full recovery."
"Thank you Doctor." She replied, rolling her eyes again at the barest hint of condescension in his tone.
"Have you had anything to eat?"
Until the EMH mentioned it, she hadn't realized how hungry she was. A meal actually sounded quite good. Doing the math in her head, she realized that she had not really eaten in almost a day and a half. "Ok, I'm game, I don't suppose a nice hot cup of black coffee is on the menu?"
The Doctor scowled and looked at the Commander who simply shrugged his shoulders and looked knowingly back at the Captain again, "I told him that would be your first request."
"It's nice to be so predictable." She said as she gingerly turned herself until she sat normally on the sofa facing forward.
"Commander, would you get the meal I programmed into the replicator? Just ask for Janeway D1."
"I'll be right back." He said as he left them to use the replicator.
In a short time, Chakotay was back with a tray. On it was a poached egg, toast, a class of juice and, to her surprise, a steaming cup of coffee."
She looked up into the doctor's face. "Thank you." She happily exclaimed.
"My pleasure Captain. Now eat your breakfast and then get some rest. You may get ship's status reports through the Commander here, but I want several hours of uninterrupted relaxation. Sleep, read a book, whatever you like, but reports to a minimum. In addition, for the time being you are confined to quarters. Understood."
"Yes sir." She said with a mock salute.
"Good, I'm glad we understand each other." Standing, he turned to the Commander. "You'll keep an eye on her?"
Chakotay smiled, looking at her as he replied, "I'll do my best."
The Doctor glowered, "Well, I suppose that will have to do. Call me if you need me."
As the Doctor left the Captain's quarters, Chakotay resumed his seat on the sofa next to her to keep her company while she ate. And eat she did. She had the food gone and was nursing her coffee in only a few minutes. "That's a good sign."
There was a definite grin on her face as she took a sip of her coffee. "What, that I've got an appetite, or that I still worship my coffee?" She said, never lifting her eyes from he mug.
He laughed in response, "Well since you put it that way, both I guess." Then he moved the tray out of the way for her and set it on the floor.
"Thanks." She said. "How are things with the ship, all systems back on line?"
"The senior staff and a number of technicians were pretty busy for a while, but they have everything back to normal."
"Taking another sip of her coffee, she tried to make her next question sound routine, "So, how's my friend Lessing."
He wasn't surprised at how quickly she got to that subject. "He's confined to quarters as you asked. He's been pretty quiet." Pausing, he considered his next course of action carefully. There was something extremely important that she needed to know, but maybe it should wait a little longer until she had a chance to fully recover, for when they would deal with what happened in it's entirety.
Noticing the somewhat abrupt halt to her first officer's train of thought she inquired, "Chakotay, what is it?"
"I was going to wait to tell you this, but it's probably best that you know. Tuvok and I had the doctor look Lessing over after we had your situation under control. The Doctor ran some tests and discovered something quite interesting."
Her eyes rose over the end of her coffee mug as she halted in mid sip. "And that is."
"There were significant amounts of an unknown narcotic in his blood stream. Apparently our Mr. Lessing is addicted."
"How in the world." She looked somewhat shocked. There had never been any recorded substance abuse problems among the Voyager crew. It was something she had worried about early in the voyage, when the stress of their circumstances was still fresh in their minds. That thought had quickly waned when she had seen the crew in action, both on and off duty, and observed the way they handled themselves and supported each other. Of course, things could get a little carried away at times in the holodeck, but that was all in fun. "I knew there had to be some explanation for his bazaar behavior. And we both noticed he didn't look well. I know he probably harbors some resentment against me for what happened a year ago, but I would never have anticipated something like this. Does the Doctor know the source?"
"He's done a complete analysis and he's pretty sure it's from a planet we visited more than six months ago. It's base is a naturally occurring compound similar to several he studied while we were in the system trading for supplies."
"But how could he have smuggled such a thing on board, especially enough to last for six months. Tuvok or one of his team most certainly would have noticed something."
Chakotay and Tuvok had puzzled over that themselves for some time until they checked the energy patterns from the replicator in Lessing's quarters. Somehow he had managed to decompose the substance from the small supply he had obtained from the planet and had eventually been able to produce it on command. "He didn't, he simply figured out how to make more."
"You mean he replicated it?"
"Exactly. Of course the naturally occurring variety was much more potent and he rationed that for special occasions. Kidnapping you and holding Voyager hostage was apparently just such an event. The Doctor said he was surprised Noah could function at all with the amount of the stuff he had in his system. He also indicated that the substance has an hallucinogenic effect. The longer Noah continued to use it, the more it effected his perceptions and his judgement."
Janeway didn't respond immediately. She wasn't exactly sure what to say. She also wasn't sure whether she should be grateful or dismayed. Had Noah acted out of his own instinct or had he done what he did because he was under the influence of a foreign substance? Obviously he would have to have been harboring some animosity toward her, the drug was not likely to have completely induced what he did on it's own. "How is he?"
"Well, he had a rough night. Doc gave him something to control the withdrawal, but it still wasn't easy for him, and it may take a few more days for the physical effects to completely subside. The psychological effects are another issue altogether. And of course we need to find a way to help him with whatever it is that made him choose to take the substance in the first place. Tuvok and I have been keeping a close eye on him but we thought it best to give him a little more time before we started questioning him. Besides, we've been a little busy with other things."
Looking deeply into his eyes, she said, "I want to be there when you see him."
Chakotay shook his head. "Kathryn, besides that fact that the Doctor has given you a medical order for your own good, the man came very close to killing you. What could you possibly hope to accomplish?"
She may not feel up to her usual self, but her response was no less than commanding, "First of all I think it's important that I let him know I'm not afraid of him. Particularly now that I know about his problem." Her gaze never wavered from his, and he found himself wondering who she was trying to convince. He knew this woman well, and fear was something he had never seen in her eyes, even though he knew she felt it from time to time. If she was feeling any from this incident, it wasn't from Noah Lessing. She would face down an entire armada of Borg and never flinch. No, more than likely the whole experience had been a reminder of the fear she had felt in herself a year ago. In finding she was capable of actions she had much regretted afterwards.
She continued "Most importantly, drug induced or not, Noah Lessing has had his revenge and I suspect has found it somewhat less than satisfying. At least in the way he envisioned it. I think he is the victim of circumstances. His sensibilities twisted along the way." She looked at her hands briefly, rubbed her wrists as if in remembrance of her ordeal, and then raised her eyes toward him again, "Something I managed in no small way to contribute to. I've reviewed his service record, both before and after the Equinox posting. Everything points to him being a loyal crewman and truly a gentle person who was forced into actions he abhorred in himself, and a year is a long time to simmer over something. Eventually all that pent up anger and frustration had to go somewhere and I was a convenient target. And if all that was exacerbated by an addiction." She stopped speaking, as if to collect her thoughts. Shifting slightly on the cushions she went on, "I want to help him come back to himself. Make him a productive member of our family."
Chakotay wasn't surprised. This was vintage Janeway, no member of her crew, adopted or otherwise, was ever beyond help, and her personal attention if need be. He had a sneaking suspicion that she had always been this way, but even more so since they had been stranded so far from home. He knew it would be pointless to argue with her. He also knew from his discussions with Marla Gilmore and several others since all this began, that Noah had been egged on. Without even knowing it, Angelo Tessoni had played a major role in twisting Noah's opinion of the Captain when he was in no condition to prevent it from happening. They would find a way to deal with all of it. Together. Just as they had everything else out here. "You are amazing, you know that?"
"So I've been told. But will you support me in this?"
"Do I have a choice?" He moved closer to her on the sofa in order to look down at her so that he could at least pretend he had some influence over her.
"I'm glad we understand each other."
He shook his head. "I'll make the arrangements with Tuvok, and I'll be back to check on you later. In the mean time, rest will you?"
She nodded and smiled at him then shrugged herself farther into the cushions and closed her eyes. Chakotay reached for an afghan that was thrown over the back of a nearby chair and covered her with it. She was asleep almost before Chakotay was out her door.
=/\=
TBC