[Chu Chu Rocket, Phantasy Star Online, Chuih, ChuBei, ChuPea, ChuBach, KapuKapu, Chu Chu, and all other related indicia to either PSO or CCR are copyright Sonic Team and SEGA. Some Cu Chu characters copyright MFZ team (which is me, Hypes)]
"I don't think Dark Force is dead!" MAG allotted.
"Jeebus Christ MAG! Now you tell us!" Chuih gaggled.
"Well I'm not surprised. I mean, how dramatic would it be if we finished the final boss by throwing Mellow Yellow cans at him?" ChuBei reckoned.
"Shut up! Just shut up! Both of you! As long as we firmly believe he's dead, he'll be dead!" Chuih argued.
Great chunks of rock were torn from the ground and thrown into the now fire red sky. Purple streaks swarmed through the air as photon energy was being released by the mega ton. An enormous ring of energy blinked into existence under their little mice feet as the ground below fell away.
"Like Oh my F'n Gawd! What total power!" ChuBei was in awe.
"We're all going to die man! We're all gonna die!" MAG whimpered.
"This isn't happening! We're still on the ground and Dark Force is still dead! I can't recall anything else happening. Lalalalala!" Chuih closed his eyes.
Finally nothing below them could be seen. Either they had risen really high into the stratosphere, or Ragol had crumbled completely away underneath their toes. Pebbles and boulders all orbited the ring in speedy swoops. The purple energy was covering the sky, leaving only small bits of red here and there. Photon sparks flew madly and noise deafened every hearer. Evil, inhuman laughter rocked the blue ring they were on. Finally in a magnificent flash, what looked like a blue structural angel the size of a chu chu building appeared in the middle of the ring. No face or arms, nothing at all that resembled any beast. Great huge wings of energy stretched like a squids many tentacles for dozens of feet. It was greater than anything the Chu chus had ever known.
"Can you hear me now?" The thing bellowed in a deep powerful voice. "…I mean, How do you like me now? Fwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
"Good Lord! Jeebus H. Christ! Holy Father in Heaven! God Dayumn! Chees n' Rice! Sweet Lord have Mercy!" MAG went on.
"Sheesh! If I were a character Designer, I'd love you! Please don't hurt me!" ChuBei gulped.
"Your not here! Dark Force is dead. This is not happening…" Chuih was continuing.
"Dark Force? I am not Dark Force. I AM DARK PHALLUS! LORD OF DESTRUCTION! Fwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
"…Dark Phallus, what a sinister name…" MAG whined.
"…Phallus?" ChuBei questioned. He then took an examining look upon the monstrous form. "Phallus. Not Phallic. Phallus."
"For that remark I should smite you down right here and right now!… Eh, why the hell not, I am going to destroy you anyway! Fwahahahahaha!"
He then rose silently and as gracefully as in any bird in the sky. He was out of reach by any weapon other than a Ranger's sniper gun. His huge wings flailing in the slow wind were right above their heads. Two of the many yellow lights began to shine brilliantly. The twin head lights blinded the hunters for a moment.
"Gah! What's he doing?!" ChuBei squinted.
"ChuBei! Quick! Run!" MAG warned his friend.
From up in the upper ring, which had just formed, several large blue orbs came soaring towards their prey. ChuBei could barely make them out in the bright lights. It had become sort of twilight with all the energy flying around, and this sudden burst of light made things hard to see. Unfortunately the orbs had no eyes to see with. They somehow were homing on to the space mouse. ChuBei pulled into his primal instinct and ran around the rink, passing Chuih several times.
"I'm not seeing any of this! This isn't happening." Chuih still chanted.
"EEAH! HELP ME CHUIH!" ChuBei cried as he ran around and around.
Dark Phallus laughed from his position amongst the stars.
MAG started to become irritated with his current state of being helpless. Determined, he leaded himself over to the Chu chu in denial. Chuih had his sparkling eyes shut and his pallasch in the off mode.
"Hey dumb ass! Listen up Whitey, cus here's some news for you! This bull is actually happening! Yea, datz right beotch! Dark Phallus is sitting up in he-air laughing his blue ass off while dem balls start to eat yer homey. And if you don't snap out of Pathetic denial land, Dark Phallus is gonna destroy the galaxy, including all your honeys! Ya dig?!" MAG shouted.
Chuih opened his sparkling eyes and was suddenly hit by the concept of it all. This really was the final fight. The fight to save everything. But most of all, the fight to save all the hot chucks out there. Chuih took a swallow and looked to his metal friend. "Thanks. I needed that dude."
"I can be black when I hafta. Now go get your cracka' butt over der and kill some stuff. I need the photon points." MAG foretold.
"Right. HANG ON CHUBEI!" Chuih screeched. He flipped the pallasch into the on drive and sprinted to where his partner was.
"Jeebus man! Think you could have been any later and stuff!" ChuBei complained as he was being digested by the translucent blue orb.
"Don't worry dude! I got it!" Chuih was about to swing with his photon weapon when he felt a breeze at his back.
"Look out dude! There's more of em coming and stuff, K." ChuBei warned him.
Chuih turned around to see a whole fleet of the blue orbs flying towards him. Shocked and Surprised, Chuih jumped up and starting running around the track.
ChuBei knocked his forehead against the orbs stomach wall. "I'm doomed."
"Chuih you wangsta! Switch to your Claymore!" MAG yelled.
"Hey! That's right! Multiple opponents!" Chuih realized. With some fast controller tapping, Chuih switched to the much wider Claymore +8. He then skidded to a halt, releasing friction, heat, and smoke from the soles of his feet.
In an attempt to stop, the first orb also skidded to a halt, stopping right before he hit Chuih. Chuih leaped to the right as the orb after hit the first orb, and the third orb hit the second orb, and etc., etc., etc.
Chuih stepped behind the very last one, swinging his Claymore. "And the batter comes to the plate! Four!" Chuih swung the giant sword, causing the entire fleet to go crashing off the ring and into the cold sky below.
"Chuih, you need to work on your lines! They don't say four in baseball. And dude. Like, HEALP!" ChuBei screamed.
Unexpectedly, huge burst of grants exploded all round Chuih as he darted around the ring towards his friend. From the upper ring, Dark Phallus' several lights blipped on and off as they attempted an endeavor to target the moving chu chu. However, chu chus are just too quick.
Out of breath, Chuih managed to zigzag right up to ChuBei's prison. With a quick stroke, he smashed the orb into tiny pieces. ChuBei had not time to feel relief as the grants continued to self-destruct all around the two.
MAG was growing tired of watching his allies run around in a willy nilly manner trying to doge the grants. Frustrated, MAG hovered vertically until he reached the upper rim and Dark Phallus's cross.
"Hey beotch! Why don't you go down there and fight?!" MAG taunted.
"Why should I? I am perfectly fine sitting up here and sending grants and my spheres one after another at them." Dark Phallus replied.
"You know what I think? Huh?! Do ya?!" MAG shouted every word.
"No. And I don't really care." Dark Phallus said.
"Well you betta! I bet you can't go down there because you know that they'll beat you when you play it fair! Your just a big wangsta!" MAG beguiled.
"Alright machine piece. I'll lower myself to your friends level and still wipe the floor with them." And with that, Dark Phallus lowered himself like a giant heavenly octopus towards the lower ring. But once there, his calm blue exterior switched to a flashing of several colors. "Come on mortals! Come and kill me!"
Chuih leaped almost instantaneously to the inner rim. There he switched his claymore in for the pallasch and took a swing. But to his surprise, there was no avail. The photon edge vanished when it came near Dark Phallus' skin.
"The hell is dis shiznit yo?!" Chuih questioned.
"Aw shit man! His skin can deflect photon energy." MAG whined.
"There's only one way to beat photon armor like that! And that's with draw series weapons!" ChuBei laughed. He then pulled out a monster of a weapon, the GUSH LASER. "Wahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Prepare to die you stooped noob!"
A couple shots were fired into the hulking beast. Each causing massive damage as it drained away the photonic epidermis of the god of destruction. Dark Phallus was too perfect to rear in pain, but certain sounds emanated that old of pain.
"Ow! Ooo! Eee! Ahh! Owch!" Dark Phallus cried. "You know what! Take this!"
Dark Phallus lit up another couple lights in succession of another, sending forth another escapade of blue orbs, all gunning for ChuBei.
MAG took notice of this. "Chuih! Guard your sniper! And gain me some photon points dawg!"
Chuih scowled as he placed himself in a single bound between the orbs and the sniper. Dark Phallus, while being shot, was sending one after the other in a line of doom. Chuih had to think fast on his feet, because he had to guard his friend from minion after minion after minion. Several dimates went into the coarse of action. Chuih ran around, guiding each homing orb away so he could smack them with the pallasch.
"Dude! This nutz!" Chuih cried while hacking at some awesome number of orbs.
"Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I am a mad fool! Don't mess with my dizapen man! I'm living on the edge and getting a rush dude! Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! ChuBei was going nuts as we speak.
MAG soared around Dark Phallus, looking for another weak spot. The giant simply floated in space as it sent orb after orb, while taking hit after hit.
Eventually the orbs numbers began to fall. Dark Phallus' lights began to flicker again as he started to throw grants into the mix. For this the Hunters weren't aloud to stay still. Orbs were decimated as a grants hit a pocket of them. The two chu chus, well Chuih dragging the still blasting away ChuBei, until they hit the outer rim.
"Come and guys! Kill one more orb! Just one more point to the third evolution!" MAG whispered.
"I have a better idea. Instead of an orb, have a grants! Ya!" Dark Phallus roared. Chuih gulped as he fell underneath ChuBei's gunning self.
The grants exploded in a massive fiery explosion. So much energy flew from the attack that even Dark Phallus' energy skin flickered for a moment. MAG rushed in through the ash and bedlam to try to find his heroes.
"Uh…am I dead?" Chuih coughed.
"I don think so dude. Ow. I'm still feeling the burn." ChuBei weezed. ChuBei was knocked from looniness by the blast, but had formed sort of a living shield for his friend. Amazingly, both we're alive.
"Dude! How come your not burning as a million pieces right now?!" Chuih demanded to know.
"Geez. Well, us fat people can take quite a few punches y'know. All this girth provides us with some stamina. In fact, get this dude, when the second Ice Age comes, us fat people will be the only ones capable of surviving and thus, rule the world man!" ChuBei grinned.
"Huh. Well, I'll never look at a fat person the same way again. But right now we gotta god to deal against. Hey MAG!" Chuih screamed.
"I see ya. That was a hell of a blow you guys took. Dayum… Well, you gained a point by taking the shot. I gotta enough now to make the third photon beast commeth! Yeehaw!" MAG said.
"So he's a third level MAG now?" ChuBei asked his pal.
"Yea. This should be big dude." Chuih grinned.
"Oh crap." Dark Phallus sighed.
The world become completely purple now and the only soul left was Dark Phallus. But in front of him formed not the deadly assassin he feared. It was Leila, the goddess, who came forth. With her weird neon lights and blank expression, she turned to the space mice and smiled. Casting on them a set of full HP.
"This sucks man." ChuBei sighed.
"This really blows MAG. Really blows." Chuih moaned.
"Ah DAMNIT man!" MAG whined.
"Hahahahahahaha! Leila! Ha! Hoo! What a useless photon beast!" Dark Phallus laughed.
Suddenly Leila turned on Dark Phallus. She placed he hands on her hips and gave him the death look with her pupil less eyes. "EXCUSE ME?! DID I HEAR WHAT I THOUGHT I HEARD?! YOU DID NOT JUST SAY I AM THE MOST USELESS PHOTON BEAST! I AM A GOD FOR CRYING OUT LOVE! THE GOD OF LIFE AND RESTORATION! I DON'T NEED TO BE HEARING ANYTHING FROM SOME FLABBY ASSED EIGHT OR NINE TIME LOSING TO MORTALS, UGLY, PATHETIC, NOT HUMOROUS AT ALL, LOUSY AT FIXING ANYTHING, GOD OF DESTRUCTION!"
"S-sorry Leila…" Dark Phallus moaned.
"NU-UH! YOU'RE NOT GETTING OFF THAT EASY FELLA! YOU GO AROUND EVERY THOUSAND YEARS AND BLOW UP EVERYTHING I WORK ON! IT AIN'T RIGHT AND IT AIN'T FAIR! I WORK HARD ON THESE STUPID CREATURES! DO YOU SEE THESE FINGERS?! THEY'RE WORKED TO THE BONE AND DO YOU EVER SAY THANKS?! NO! YOU JUST HAVE TO GO BLOW UP EVERYTHING! SO SHUT UP!" Leila was in Dark Phallus's face. She then slapped him with such explosive power that even Blue Rocket 2 rumbled from the power. "I'M LEAVING!"
Chuih, ChuBei, and MAG were absolutely stunned by the battle of the gods. Such power, such grace, and man, what a beating! He's so whipped. And think what he'll hear when he gets home tonight. But back to the point.
"…Whoa! That must have taken a hell of a lot of damage out! Just look!" MAG observed.
The lights on Dark Phallus were rather dim and his skin flickered. He was still rubbing his wound, which was an extremely red handprint upon his upper cross.
"I'll fire with the gun! Chuih, think of something that 'll really hurt, or we could be here forever." ChuBei instructed.
"And we're out of restoration items. Leila's cure may be your last." MAG warned.
Chuih closed his sparkling eyes to think of what to do.
Dark Phallus came out of the shock and looked down upon the mortal mice. "Your presence is wearing my nerves thin! DIE NOW!" Dark Phallus screamed.
Chuih could hear huge explosions out side his mind. He even felt a couple. Their HP was wearing down as Dark Phallus was going full throttle. ChuBei's draining shots weren't cutting it and it would take forever to get MAG's bar up to full again. They wouldn't last much longer unless Chuih thought of something quick.
And then it came to him. Amidst the screaming and explosions, one thought entered his mind. Scrambled Eggs.
"Hey! The Frying Pan!" Chuih pulled out Akiko's Frying Pan. He had claimed it when he was asking for cake recipes before they left Blue Rocket 2. "Photon weapons won't work against his skin…But what will happen with actual weapons?!"
Chuih took the enormous lead pan to his side and ran through the fire and carnage towards the blue god. The god of destruction noticed him and sent several grants towards him. Chuih, in Bioware's slow motion engine, ran through the explosions and dodged the oncoming grants. MAG saw him fly. ChuBei couldn't believe. Even Yuji Naka had to blink.
Chuih soared over the zenith of flames and, with all his might, struck Dark Phallus with akiko's enormous lead frying pan.
There was silence before Chuih grinned, his eyes dancing in the firelight. "It's time we end the time of gods…and focus on the ascent of man."
In a great white flash, Dark Phallus vanished. His rings disarrayed, the orbs deadened. The heroes were brought back to the flowery surface of Ragol, and the overall disease Dark Phallus had inflected upon the natives of Ragol disappeared. But before he finally vanished back to the realm of gods, he made one last address.
"You cannot kill me. As long as there is life, I will exist."
The flash subsided and Hunter HUmar Chuih, Ranger Ramar ChuBei, and mag MAG found themselves in a sea of beautiful flowers. And with them was a beautiful Chu chu maiden. Dressed in red, and clad in glasses, this had to be Red Ring ChuPea.
"…That was nuts." ChuBei finally said after what seemed like an eternity of silence.
ChuPea was on the ground asleep. Chuih dared to move towards her when…
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