Chapter Ten: The Discovery
Dear Remus,
Last night I made a wonderful discovery. I can still transform.
You may find that an odd way to start a letter that really should be starting, "Sorry I haven't written these last few years," but my discovery is why I started writing again, and that's why I started my letter that way. I'm thirty and I've been in here for years, but I can still transform.
I cannot even begin to describe how wonderful it was. Everything seemed so much simpler, so much more logical and less emotional. This could be very instrumental to my escape. Yes, I still plan to escape, and to find you, and to find Harry, and to try to have my named cleared.
Harry – he's ten years old now. Another year and he'll be getting his Hogwarts letter. I read in the paper shortly after I came to Azkaban that he went to go and live with his aunt and uncle. Muggles, weren't they? I have to concentrate very hard now to remember some things. I read over my previous letters recently and have only vague recollections of much of the things I wrote about. But I still remember you the most vividly, with James as a close second.
Harry must think I'm guilty – that is, if his relatives have told him about me. I'm not sure what kind of people they are.
These past years have been full of strange dreams, half-delusions, and fading memories. But my innocence has kept me from forgetting who I am, and it has cleared my mind long enough to let me come to one conclusion: Life is too short and precious to not do what you want with it. James knew this. When he hesitated, it was rarely for very long. Even when he did something that ended with him getting detention or points deducted from Gryffindor, he could still be comforted by the satisfactory knowledge that he had not let fear stand in his way. He possessed an amazing determination – I was the one who thought we should become Animagi for you, but he was the one who forced us all to spend long hours in the library researching it. Peter was the one who had the idea for the Marauder's Map, but James was the one who spent hours thinking up ways to enchant it.
Maybe people are meant to exist on this earth only until they have reached their full potential and their purpose for living is fulfilled. That's the only explanation I can find for why James and Lily had to die so young. Both of them were brave, intelligent, caring people who never hesitated to do what was right. I hope Harry's relatives have told him how wonderful his parents were.
When I finally get out of here, I am going to find you and tell you that I have always loved you. I don't care of you're with someone else. Hell, I don't care if you're a married Death Eater with five children. I will not die satisfied unless you know the truth.
Yours always, Sirius