Lost
By: Aya's Shadow
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, though I wish I did. The band in these
fics, however, is MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! Sorry, but they are.
I do not own "Last Kiss" by "old fifties one hit wonder" and remade by
"Pearl Jam". I am referring to the "Pearl Jam" version, I like it better. I
would like to inform you all that though this will eventually have a steady
Ken + someone coupling, I do not yet know who that someone will be. It IS
starting out YamaKen. This takes place six years after season two. I thank
whoever it is that made up the birthdays for the digidestined that I'm
using. Did you know that they don't have official birthdays? Ken has lost
his mother in a car accident and wishes he had died too. His father is
never really home and ignores Ken. This will take place over about one
year's time. It starts on October 3rd. It is rated 'R' for controversial
content. I don't write kiddy stuff that often. This is the edited version.
If you like smut and want the un-edited version, e-mail me. I'd be happy to
give you people the complete version. After all, it was rated NC-17 before
FF.net got rid of that option. I decided not to risk simply changing the
rating and leaving it alone. Well, read and enjoy! If you don't like gay
couples, then stop here!
Chapter one: Wandered Away From The Path
Ken sat on the edge of the bridge alone, looking out over the river. The patterns on the surface of the rushing water were continually changing with falling drops of rain. Changing patterns on the water's surface, like the changing patterns of life. Those patterns had taken his brother from him, made him a monster. Brought him back. Given him friends. Stolen his mother.
Tears began to well up in his eyes. They started to trickle slowly down his cheeks, mixing with the rain. His mother. He had only just gotten her back, only just started to love her again. Then they had gone out on a night like this. She hadn't come back. Rain had been pouring heavily then, like it was now. She had decided to drive rather than walk when she had needed to run to the store for the finishing touches for dinner. He had gone with her.
They had been talking about school and his new friends. She had looked at him to smile, turned back just in time to see the dog that had run out in front of them. She had swerved to miss it. On the wet roads she had lost control of her car. They had crashed. He had blacked out.
He had woken up in the hospital. His face and right arm hurt, badly. His father had been there, and the digidestined. All of them had been waiting for him to wake up. All of them had been worried. And his mother had died.
He shook his head, wanting to shake away the memories. The tears fell faster, splashing on his hand with the rain. The warmth of the living water mixing with the cold of the dead. He was chilled already, but he didn't want to go back home. There wouldn't be anyone there to greet him. Not now. Not with his mother dead and his father always away on business. His arm began to ache.
He looked down at the cast. The stupid cast, covered in plastic so the rain wouldn't ruin it. The digidestined had signed it. All of them.
"I should be getting in out of the rain. But.were could I go?" he muttered to himself as a gust of wind nearly tore the plastic away from his arm. He wasn't anywhere near home, he was in Odaiba. He had come here hoping to meet up with some of the others when it had started to rain, reminding him of that day nearly three moths ago. A small sob escaped his lips. He had only had about six years with his parents after being the Keizer. Not even that. It took him two years to really care about them again. Four years just wasn't long enough. Now she was gone.
"I should have died with her. The car was so mangled that it was a miracle that I have as few injuries as I do. I should have died with her! I shouldn't be here! I deserved to die with her!" he screamed into the wind filled night and smashed his good fist into the railing. Tears continued to pour down his face. He looked longingly at the water. "I could just jump in, not try to save myself. I would drown, or freeze. No one would care, not really. The others are still not comfortable with me, not like they are with each other. They never will be, after what I did to them. Dad really wouldn't care. He doesn't even notice me any more." He spoke out loud again. It was a habit that he had picked up after his mother died, to drown out the looming silence of the apartment when there alone.
"Ken? Ken? That you?" the voice came out of the darkness around him, questioning. Ken turned to see who it was. It sounded like Yamato. He saw a tall form running towards him, trying to keep its hood up to keep the rain out.
"Yes. It's me." he said as the person, he was right, it was Yamato, came close enough to talk to.
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at home? I thought that you weren't supposed to be out in weather like this."
"I'm not. It wasn't raining when I left though. That started as I reached the bridge. So I stopped to watch the river."
"You look like you've been crying. What's wrong Ken?"
"No one has told you why I'm not allowed out in weather like this, have they?"
Yamato shook his head.
"It's because I sometimes re-live that day, you know, the crash. I just sort of stop, freeze up, and think back on it. So far I've almost been hit by a car, stopped mid-step on a flight of wet stairs, and almost been blown into the river by strong winds. I can't help it, I just start to think about how it was raining like this that night and I get sucked into the memories."
Matt nodded again.
"That still doesn't explain why you look like hell."
"I started to think about mother. How she died and I didn't. That led to how awful I was as the Digimon Keizer. I've been awful. I should have died, deserved to die." Ken said in a far away voice, more to himself than to Yamato. Yamato stepped up to Ken and wrapped his arms around him.
"Oh Ken! Don't talk like that. All of the digidestined want you here. All of us are happy that you didn't die. We would have missed you if you'd died. We've all forgiven you for what you did as the Keizer. Come on, you can come with me to my band's rehearsal. We're at my apartment, but I was a little later than I meant to be with Takeru just now. Mom took a little longer than she was supposed to getting home." Yamato hugged him close then carefully guided him in the direction of his apartment.
"Why would you have to stay with Takeru?" Ken asked, worried.
"He's got a nasty cold, that's all. Mom doesn't want him left on his own because of it."
"Oh." After that they walked the rest of the way to Yamato's apartment in silence. Yamato pulled out his keys as they mounted the stairs in the building to get to the third floor.
"We're here. I'll get you some dry clothes to put on, they'll be a little too long, but I don't want you to catch a cold." Yamato said as he opened the door. The lights were already on, the band already there.
"Oooohhh! Look! Yama's brought home a new toy for us to try!" Ame called as they entered the main living area.
"Shut up, Ame! You all know Ken. He got caught in the storm so I brought him home. Be nice!" he snapped, good naturedly "I never should have given you all copies of the key! Come on Ken; let's get you into some dry clothes." He took Ken's hand and led him into the bedroom.
"Can you take off the sling long enough to change?"
"Yah. I only need it when I'm going somewhere, or I'm sleeping." Ken said as he fumbled with the wet plastic then the wet clasp. Yamato gently helped undo the clasp and remove the sling.
"Do you need any help getting your shirt un-buttoned?"
Ken shook his head and struggled with the buttons. Yamato sighed and helped Ken strip out of his soaked clothes.
"I'll take you home after practice, if it stops raining. You are NOT going to leave here in the rain without a coat." Yamato said, his voice telling Ken that he would accept no argument.
"Okay. Not like dad's home to worry anyway." He said bitterly.
"Is he away on business again?" Yamato asked, helping Ken into a set of his sweats. Ken nodded. "Would you like to come in and watch us practice, or do you want to stay back here?" Yamato asked, changing subjects as he saw tears forming in Ken's eyes.
"I'll watch you practice, if you don't mind." Ken said and followed Yamato into the main room again. Yamato smiled back at him.
"Not at all. Just ignore the stupidity of the band, if you can. They're likely to flirt and make outrageous comments."
"We are NOT! He's yours! Don't want your cast-offs!" Ame shouted. Ken flinched. That was all he'd ever be, a cast-off. A cast-off of life. Tears welled up again. His eyes began to glitter with the un-shed tears.
"Ame! Shut up! He's not used to humor like that and he's been very depressed besides!" Yamato said as he punched him in the face.
"OW! YAMA-TO! That hurt!" Ame called from the floor.
"Well, then, SHUT UP! Let's practice. And, don't forget, LEAVE KEN ALONE!" Yamato stormed as he walked over to where Ken was slumped on the floor. He put an arm around him and hugged him. "It's alright, Ken, they don't mean it, I promise. They just don't know how to be nice, that's all. Ignore them, alright?" Yamato's voice was low and soothing. Ken nodded, brushing the un-shed tears away. He got up and sat on the couch.
Yamato walked back over to the band, who was now behaving. "Let's get started. We've only got two hours before all the neighbors get home from work and we have to quiet down." No one argued with him. They were still deciding whether or not they wanted to risk having the same fate as Ame.
Practice went well. By the time the band had finished Ken was sound asleep on the couch.
"Hey, Yama, apologize to the kid for me, will ya? I didn't mean to upset him. I really didn't. I was only teasing. Really." Ame said as he stood with his hand on the doorknob. The others had already left.
"Sure. Just, leave him alone, alright. He's still dealing with his mother's death." Yamato said quietly walking up to him so he could lock the door once Ame had gone.
"He.he lost his mom?" Ame asked, eyes wide.
"Yes. Three months ago. The two of them were in an accident. Ken got out alright, just a gash in his face, the little scar next to his mouth, and a broken arm. She didn't live long enough to make it to the hospital. It hit him hard."
"He's Ken Ichijiyouji, right? The kid that ran away?"
Yamato nodded.
"It took him two years to fix things with his parents. He managed to fix things completely only about four years ago. He doesn't think that it was long enough. He also doesn't think that it's fair that he lived and she died. I'm going to keep him here tonight, and tomorrow if I can, you know, while his dad's out of town. Oh, well. I'd better move him to my bed; he'll be more comfortable there. See you tomorrow, Ame." Ame nodded and left the apartment.
Yamato shut the door and locked it. He then carefully picked up Ken and carried him into the bedroom. He tucked Ken in carefully. He kissed the younger boy on the forehead unconsciously, and went in to make himself a bed on the couch.
He lay awake for a few hours, thinking. Thinking about what Ken had said to him.
"I started to think about mother. How she died and I didn't. That led to how awful I was as the Digimon Keizer. I've been awful. I should have died, deserved to die."
"I started to think about mother. How she died and I didn't. That led to how awful I was as the Digimon Keizer. I've been awful. I should have died, deserved to die."
"I started to think about mother. How she died and I didn't. That led to how awful I was as the Digimon Keizer. I've been awful. I should have died, deserved to die."
'Oh, Ken. How could none of us have noticed that you felt that way after she died? I thought that it was you I saw, slowly leaning further and further over the railing of the bridge. I don't know why, but I just knew that that person was you. You looked like you were thinking about tumbling in. Maybe you were. Oh, Ken! I'll have to talk to the others about this.'
"I started to think about mother. How she died and I didn't. That led to how awful I was as the Digimon Keizer. I've been awful. I should have died, deserved to die."
Yamato fell asleep with Ken's words swirling around in his head.
******
Ken woke with a start. He could swear that he heard that song! The one that had been playing on the radio when they had crashed. He hated that song.
The squealing' tire, the bustin' glass. Those are the sounds that I heard last.
'No! Go away! Get out!
Where oh where can my baby be? The lord took her away from me.
He didn't want to hear that song. They had been listening to a song about a person dying in a car crash, then they had crashed and she had died. Tears began to stream down his face again.
"Dad?" he called, then he looked around. He knew he wasn't home, this place didn't feel like his room. Then he remembered the afternoon before. He was at Yamato's. But he wasn't on the couch. He was in a bed. Yamato must have put him in his bed.
Ken slowly climbed out of the bed. His feet hit the cold wood of the floor. He yelped at the cold. He slowly walked through the room. He saw Yamato, asleep on the couch. He looked uncomfortable, cold. Ken realized that he was shaking. It was cold out here. He couldn't let Yamato freeze for him. He carefully sat on the edge of the couch. A gentle shake didn't succeed in waking the other. Ken looked at the width of the couch. It looked wide enough for two, if he was careful. He slid in beside Yamato and curled into him. Yamato stopped shivering and reached out to wrap his arms round Ken. Ken sighed and fell asleep again.
His dreams were not haunted this time. Instead, they were pleasant. In them he had friends, people who loved him very much.
******
Yamato smiled as he woke slowly. He knew it was morning, although he could still hear rain pattering against the window. That was odd; his room didn't have any windows. Oh well. It didn't matter. He had a very soft, warm body next to his; curled into him, head on his shoulder, sound asleep. He didn't remember taking anyone to bed, but that didn't matter either. He obviously had. Maybe he had been drunk. He tried to think of the young man's name. He should at least remember that much!
Try though he might, he just couldn't remember a possible name for the person he was in bed with. The only name that came to mind was that of Ken Ichijiyouji. And that couldn't be right. Ken wasn't gay, not that anyone knew, anyway. He stirred enough to sit up a bit and SEE who was in bed with him. Sure enough, the young man lying so contentedly in his arms was Ken. Then the night before came back to him in a rush as came fully awake.
'How the HELL did Ken end up on the couch with me?!' he thought frantically to himself. He jumped off the couch so fast that Ken fell to the floor with him. His arm slammed into the couch.
"AHH!" Ken yelled as the pain shooting up his arm jolted him awake. He slowly sat up and cradled his right arm with his left, looking confused. "Where.?" he started, then realization dawned on him as he came fully awake and the pain settled to a dull ache.
"I.I'm sorry, Yama! I woke from a nightmare and wanted a glass of water. I saw you lying on the couch out here, looking so cold, so I got in with you, to keep you warm! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you!" he rushed to say, tears trickling down his cheeks. Yamato's eyes went wide as he realized what Ken was thinking.
"No! Ken! You didn't offend me! I swear! It just startled me to find you there! That's all! Really! How.how's your arm? I made you hit it pretty hard, didn't I?" He rushed, gathering Ken into his arms again.
"It...It hurts a little." Ken sniffed.
"I'm sorry, Ken. Do you have your pain pills with you?"
Ken shook his head.
"Would you like some aspirin then?"
Ken nodded. Yamato left for the bathroom. Ken struggled out of the blankets and onto the couch. He was sitting there when Yamato came back in, holding two pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.
"Here." He said, handing the pills to Ken. Once he swallowed the pills, Yamato handed him the water.
"Would you like to stay here today? I haven't got any plans, and you are off today." Yamato asked cautiously.
"Yes. Please?" Ken responded, a pleading note in his voice.
"Of course. We can go visit the others together, if you want. Or we can just hang here. I just thought that you may be getting a bit sick of being alone all the time." Yamato said and hugged him again. This time Ken hugged him back. Yamato let go of Ken and went to make them something to eat. Ken sat on the couch and just let his mind go blank, listening to Yamato sing in the other room.
"Ken? How many eggs do you want?" Yamato shouted form the kitchen. Ken smiled. He did have a friend, someone that cared.
"Um.One will be fine!" He shouted back. Yamato started to sing again. Ken smiled and listened. Yamato was singing a song he had written ages ago, though he wouldn't say who for. It was called Butterfly. Ken relaxed, let his head fall back to be supported by the back of the couch. Within moments he had dozed off.
******
Yamato practically danced around the kitchen, making french-toast and eggs for both of them. He liked good, heavy, American breakfasts. They stayed with you longer. That way, if he ended up busy, he didn't have to worry about lunch.
Once the food was finished and served, he carefully carried both plates around the corner and into the living room. Ken was asleep again. Yamato smiled to himself, that was a good sign. It was probably the most he had slept since his mother had died. He carefully set the plates on the floor.
"Ken? Ken? Come on, wake up." He said, gently shaking Ken's shoulder. Ken woke slowly, delicate lashes fluttering up.
"Hi, Yama." He said around a yawn and smiled. Yamato smiled back.
"Food's done. Here." He handed Ken his plate. The two of them ate in silence. Once Ken had finished he set his plate down on the floor.
"Yama?" he asked, his voice very quiet.
"Yes?" Yamato responded around a mouthful of egg, the last bit of food he had.
"Did it bother you so much? Waking up to find me in bed with you, I mean?" he asked, eyes glued to his lap.
"Ken.I.no. It just startled me, that's all. I'm used to waking up to find guys in bed with me, actually. Just not ones that I know well, outside of the band." Yamato answered, his eyes glued to the floor. "I was just startled to find you there. You're so young, so damned innocent. I don't like finding guys your age in my bed. You're only seventeen! I'm nineteen; I'll be twenty this year." Ken looked up at Yamato, his eyes a little wide.
'Yamato is gay. I did not know that. I wish that I had. I still would have gotten into bed with him, but I don't think that I would have stayed as long as I did. Not that I minded staying. He IS cute. It's just.I don't think that I'm ready for people to find out that I am, too. I don't want to lose all of my friends so shortly after losing mother.'
"Ken?" Yamato's voice broke into his thoughts. "What are you thinking? You don't.you don't hate me now, do you?" his voice was quiet.
Ken looked up, startled.
"No! I don't hate you! How could I? You're one of the few friends that I have! Besides, you're funny, and sweet, and cute, and you have a wonderful voice! You're perfect, Yama!" he rushed to reassure his friend. He only realized what he'd said when Yamato looked up at him, slight wonder and dawning in his eyes. Ken blushed a lovely shade of scarlet and looked at the ground again.
"You're gay, too? I didn't know. Does anyone know?" Yamato asked. Ken shook his head and Yamato could see tears in his eyes. "Ken, what's wrong?"
"N.n.nothing." He stammered.
"Liar. You're crying again. What's the matter?"
"I don't want anyone to know! Please, don't tell anyone! Please, Yama!" he sobbed. "I didn't even mean to tell you! I don't want to lose my friends over it!"
Yamato pulled Ken into his arms again.
"I won't tell anyone. I don't want you to tell anyone either. You'd think that after the digiworld all of us would know everything there was to know about each other. I guess we all have our secrets though, don't we?" Yamato said, holding Ken close. Ken nodded. "Look at me, Ken." Yamato whispered and placed a finger beneath Ken's chin. Ken willingly tilted his face up to Yamato's. Yama leaned down and kissed him. It was gentle and sweet.
Ken leaned further into Yamato, pressing his body to Yama's. Yamato deepened the kiss. Ken moaned very quietly into Yamato's mouth. Yama pulled him even closed, crushing them together. Ken yelped. Yamato drew away quickly.
"I'm sorry, Ken! I forgot about your arm!" he rushed, leaning down to see the arm and cast better.
"It's alright, I forgot about it, too." Ken muttered.
"Did.did you like that, Ken?" Yamato asked. His eyes were bright and slightly glazed.
"Yes." Ken whispered. He had, very much. Hell! He went hard because of that kiss! His first kiss. He looked at Yamato. He was hard, too.
Yamato saw where Ken was looking and blushed. Ken leaned forward, careful of his arm, and kissed Yamato again. A light kiss, barely brushing his lips. Yamato moaned quietly. He reached for Ken. Ken let himself be pulled down. Yamato kissed a trail of fire along Ken's face, down his neck. He carefully pushed up the sweatshirt and kissed Ken's chest. He kissed a slow trail down his chest and over his stomach
****** A few minutes later they lay together on the couch, sweaty and exhausted.
Apparently they had been a little too loud, because one of the neighbors was pounding on the door.
Yamato got up to answer the door, pulling on his pants as he did so, not bothering with his discarded shirt. "Go into the bedroom or kitchen, if you don't want to be seen." He said and went to answer the door.
"We know that you are a very promiscuous boy, but will you please keep it down!" a sweet looking old lady yelled.
"Yes, Mrs. P." Yamato said and smiled at her. "It's just that I'm with this new guy, and he's better than I thought he'd be." She smiled.
"Well, I hope he's nice. And if he is, I hope you keep him. You need a steady boy, not a lot of lovers, Matt." She replied. Ken decided that he didn't want to hide from such a nice sounding lady. He stepped out form behind the door.
"I'm sorry, madam. We really didn't mean to be so loud." He said. Yamato blushed.
"Mrs. P, this is Ken Ichijiyouji." He said.
"I know the boy. He's the genius, the one whose mother recently died. I'm sorry for your loss, son. Be good to him Matt, or you'll sorely need a spanking." She smiled at both of them and left.
"Why'd you come out? I thought that you didn't want anyone to know." Yamato asked Ken, confusion in his voice.
"Well, she knows about you, and besides, she should meet the person that is being so loud that it disrupted whatever she was doing." Ken responded, reaching around to close the door. As he turned to go back into the living room Yamato grabbed him round the waist. He kissed Ken's neck and let him go again.
"Just what, exactly, does our little.display, mean?" he asked Ken. Ken turned to face him.
"I don't know. It could have been a one time thing, or we could start seeing each other. I guess that it doesn't really matter. I mean, I've never really thought about getting into a relationship before. Is that what you want this to be?" Ken asked. Yamato didn't respond right away. He thought about it first.
"Well.I would say, yes. We are in a relationship. But if that's the case, I'll have to let the band know, after all, it would mean no more one nighters with them. That wouldn't bother you, would it?"
"No. As long as the other digidestined didn't find out it wouldn't bother me." Ken replied after a moment of thought. "A relationship might be nice. Having some one to love might be nice." Yamato nodded and hugged Ken.
"A relationship it is, then." Yamato whispered in his ear as the two of them lay down on the couch together.
******
End Chapter One Part One.
Well? What do you think? Ken and Yama are only going to be together for a few chapters, and then they are going to break off so Ken can go with someone else, though I haven't decided who. What do you people think? I am going to try him with members of the band, eventually. Who do you people think he should go with next? Did you like Chapter One Part One or what? Review me! Please remember, I'm new to this, so I'm not the best writer in the world. Review review review. If you want info on the band, E-mail me and I'll send it to you. I'll have pictures for the fic soon, too. Well, it is time for me to stop writing and get into bed! I have work in the morning! Thanks for reading! Next Part of Chapter One will be up within three weeks.
Chapter one: Wandered Away From The Path
Ken sat on the edge of the bridge alone, looking out over the river. The patterns on the surface of the rushing water were continually changing with falling drops of rain. Changing patterns on the water's surface, like the changing patterns of life. Those patterns had taken his brother from him, made him a monster. Brought him back. Given him friends. Stolen his mother.
Tears began to well up in his eyes. They started to trickle slowly down his cheeks, mixing with the rain. His mother. He had only just gotten her back, only just started to love her again. Then they had gone out on a night like this. She hadn't come back. Rain had been pouring heavily then, like it was now. She had decided to drive rather than walk when she had needed to run to the store for the finishing touches for dinner. He had gone with her.
They had been talking about school and his new friends. She had looked at him to smile, turned back just in time to see the dog that had run out in front of them. She had swerved to miss it. On the wet roads she had lost control of her car. They had crashed. He had blacked out.
He had woken up in the hospital. His face and right arm hurt, badly. His father had been there, and the digidestined. All of them had been waiting for him to wake up. All of them had been worried. And his mother had died.
He shook his head, wanting to shake away the memories. The tears fell faster, splashing on his hand with the rain. The warmth of the living water mixing with the cold of the dead. He was chilled already, but he didn't want to go back home. There wouldn't be anyone there to greet him. Not now. Not with his mother dead and his father always away on business. His arm began to ache.
He looked down at the cast. The stupid cast, covered in plastic so the rain wouldn't ruin it. The digidestined had signed it. All of them.
"I should be getting in out of the rain. But.were could I go?" he muttered to himself as a gust of wind nearly tore the plastic away from his arm. He wasn't anywhere near home, he was in Odaiba. He had come here hoping to meet up with some of the others when it had started to rain, reminding him of that day nearly three moths ago. A small sob escaped his lips. He had only had about six years with his parents after being the Keizer. Not even that. It took him two years to really care about them again. Four years just wasn't long enough. Now she was gone.
"I should have died with her. The car was so mangled that it was a miracle that I have as few injuries as I do. I should have died with her! I shouldn't be here! I deserved to die with her!" he screamed into the wind filled night and smashed his good fist into the railing. Tears continued to pour down his face. He looked longingly at the water. "I could just jump in, not try to save myself. I would drown, or freeze. No one would care, not really. The others are still not comfortable with me, not like they are with each other. They never will be, after what I did to them. Dad really wouldn't care. He doesn't even notice me any more." He spoke out loud again. It was a habit that he had picked up after his mother died, to drown out the looming silence of the apartment when there alone.
"Ken? Ken? That you?" the voice came out of the darkness around him, questioning. Ken turned to see who it was. It sounded like Yamato. He saw a tall form running towards him, trying to keep its hood up to keep the rain out.
"Yes. It's me." he said as the person, he was right, it was Yamato, came close enough to talk to.
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at home? I thought that you weren't supposed to be out in weather like this."
"I'm not. It wasn't raining when I left though. That started as I reached the bridge. So I stopped to watch the river."
"You look like you've been crying. What's wrong Ken?"
"No one has told you why I'm not allowed out in weather like this, have they?"
Yamato shook his head.
"It's because I sometimes re-live that day, you know, the crash. I just sort of stop, freeze up, and think back on it. So far I've almost been hit by a car, stopped mid-step on a flight of wet stairs, and almost been blown into the river by strong winds. I can't help it, I just start to think about how it was raining like this that night and I get sucked into the memories."
Matt nodded again.
"That still doesn't explain why you look like hell."
"I started to think about mother. How she died and I didn't. That led to how awful I was as the Digimon Keizer. I've been awful. I should have died, deserved to die." Ken said in a far away voice, more to himself than to Yamato. Yamato stepped up to Ken and wrapped his arms around him.
"Oh Ken! Don't talk like that. All of the digidestined want you here. All of us are happy that you didn't die. We would have missed you if you'd died. We've all forgiven you for what you did as the Keizer. Come on, you can come with me to my band's rehearsal. We're at my apartment, but I was a little later than I meant to be with Takeru just now. Mom took a little longer than she was supposed to getting home." Yamato hugged him close then carefully guided him in the direction of his apartment.
"Why would you have to stay with Takeru?" Ken asked, worried.
"He's got a nasty cold, that's all. Mom doesn't want him left on his own because of it."
"Oh." After that they walked the rest of the way to Yamato's apartment in silence. Yamato pulled out his keys as they mounted the stairs in the building to get to the third floor.
"We're here. I'll get you some dry clothes to put on, they'll be a little too long, but I don't want you to catch a cold." Yamato said as he opened the door. The lights were already on, the band already there.
"Oooohhh! Look! Yama's brought home a new toy for us to try!" Ame called as they entered the main living area.
"Shut up, Ame! You all know Ken. He got caught in the storm so I brought him home. Be nice!" he snapped, good naturedly "I never should have given you all copies of the key! Come on Ken; let's get you into some dry clothes." He took Ken's hand and led him into the bedroom.
"Can you take off the sling long enough to change?"
"Yah. I only need it when I'm going somewhere, or I'm sleeping." Ken said as he fumbled with the wet plastic then the wet clasp. Yamato gently helped undo the clasp and remove the sling.
"Do you need any help getting your shirt un-buttoned?"
Ken shook his head and struggled with the buttons. Yamato sighed and helped Ken strip out of his soaked clothes.
"I'll take you home after practice, if it stops raining. You are NOT going to leave here in the rain without a coat." Yamato said, his voice telling Ken that he would accept no argument.
"Okay. Not like dad's home to worry anyway." He said bitterly.
"Is he away on business again?" Yamato asked, helping Ken into a set of his sweats. Ken nodded. "Would you like to come in and watch us practice, or do you want to stay back here?" Yamato asked, changing subjects as he saw tears forming in Ken's eyes.
"I'll watch you practice, if you don't mind." Ken said and followed Yamato into the main room again. Yamato smiled back at him.
"Not at all. Just ignore the stupidity of the band, if you can. They're likely to flirt and make outrageous comments."
"We are NOT! He's yours! Don't want your cast-offs!" Ame shouted. Ken flinched. That was all he'd ever be, a cast-off. A cast-off of life. Tears welled up again. His eyes began to glitter with the un-shed tears.
"Ame! Shut up! He's not used to humor like that and he's been very depressed besides!" Yamato said as he punched him in the face.
"OW! YAMA-TO! That hurt!" Ame called from the floor.
"Well, then, SHUT UP! Let's practice. And, don't forget, LEAVE KEN ALONE!" Yamato stormed as he walked over to where Ken was slumped on the floor. He put an arm around him and hugged him. "It's alright, Ken, they don't mean it, I promise. They just don't know how to be nice, that's all. Ignore them, alright?" Yamato's voice was low and soothing. Ken nodded, brushing the un-shed tears away. He got up and sat on the couch.
Yamato walked back over to the band, who was now behaving. "Let's get started. We've only got two hours before all the neighbors get home from work and we have to quiet down." No one argued with him. They were still deciding whether or not they wanted to risk having the same fate as Ame.
Practice went well. By the time the band had finished Ken was sound asleep on the couch.
"Hey, Yama, apologize to the kid for me, will ya? I didn't mean to upset him. I really didn't. I was only teasing. Really." Ame said as he stood with his hand on the doorknob. The others had already left.
"Sure. Just, leave him alone, alright. He's still dealing with his mother's death." Yamato said quietly walking up to him so he could lock the door once Ame had gone.
"He.he lost his mom?" Ame asked, eyes wide.
"Yes. Three months ago. The two of them were in an accident. Ken got out alright, just a gash in his face, the little scar next to his mouth, and a broken arm. She didn't live long enough to make it to the hospital. It hit him hard."
"He's Ken Ichijiyouji, right? The kid that ran away?"
Yamato nodded.
"It took him two years to fix things with his parents. He managed to fix things completely only about four years ago. He doesn't think that it was long enough. He also doesn't think that it's fair that he lived and she died. I'm going to keep him here tonight, and tomorrow if I can, you know, while his dad's out of town. Oh, well. I'd better move him to my bed; he'll be more comfortable there. See you tomorrow, Ame." Ame nodded and left the apartment.
Yamato shut the door and locked it. He then carefully picked up Ken and carried him into the bedroom. He tucked Ken in carefully. He kissed the younger boy on the forehead unconsciously, and went in to make himself a bed on the couch.
He lay awake for a few hours, thinking. Thinking about what Ken had said to him.
"I started to think about mother. How she died and I didn't. That led to how awful I was as the Digimon Keizer. I've been awful. I should have died, deserved to die."
"I started to think about mother. How she died and I didn't. That led to how awful I was as the Digimon Keizer. I've been awful. I should have died, deserved to die."
"I started to think about mother. How she died and I didn't. That led to how awful I was as the Digimon Keizer. I've been awful. I should have died, deserved to die."
'Oh, Ken. How could none of us have noticed that you felt that way after she died? I thought that it was you I saw, slowly leaning further and further over the railing of the bridge. I don't know why, but I just knew that that person was you. You looked like you were thinking about tumbling in. Maybe you were. Oh, Ken! I'll have to talk to the others about this.'
"I started to think about mother. How she died and I didn't. That led to how awful I was as the Digimon Keizer. I've been awful. I should have died, deserved to die."
Yamato fell asleep with Ken's words swirling around in his head.
******
Ken woke with a start. He could swear that he heard that song! The one that had been playing on the radio when they had crashed. He hated that song.
The squealing' tire, the bustin' glass. Those are the sounds that I heard last.
'No! Go away! Get out!
Where oh where can my baby be? The lord took her away from me.
He didn't want to hear that song. They had been listening to a song about a person dying in a car crash, then they had crashed and she had died. Tears began to stream down his face again.
"Dad?" he called, then he looked around. He knew he wasn't home, this place didn't feel like his room. Then he remembered the afternoon before. He was at Yamato's. But he wasn't on the couch. He was in a bed. Yamato must have put him in his bed.
Ken slowly climbed out of the bed. His feet hit the cold wood of the floor. He yelped at the cold. He slowly walked through the room. He saw Yamato, asleep on the couch. He looked uncomfortable, cold. Ken realized that he was shaking. It was cold out here. He couldn't let Yamato freeze for him. He carefully sat on the edge of the couch. A gentle shake didn't succeed in waking the other. Ken looked at the width of the couch. It looked wide enough for two, if he was careful. He slid in beside Yamato and curled into him. Yamato stopped shivering and reached out to wrap his arms round Ken. Ken sighed and fell asleep again.
His dreams were not haunted this time. Instead, they were pleasant. In them he had friends, people who loved him very much.
******
Yamato smiled as he woke slowly. He knew it was morning, although he could still hear rain pattering against the window. That was odd; his room didn't have any windows. Oh well. It didn't matter. He had a very soft, warm body next to his; curled into him, head on his shoulder, sound asleep. He didn't remember taking anyone to bed, but that didn't matter either. He obviously had. Maybe he had been drunk. He tried to think of the young man's name. He should at least remember that much!
Try though he might, he just couldn't remember a possible name for the person he was in bed with. The only name that came to mind was that of Ken Ichijiyouji. And that couldn't be right. Ken wasn't gay, not that anyone knew, anyway. He stirred enough to sit up a bit and SEE who was in bed with him. Sure enough, the young man lying so contentedly in his arms was Ken. Then the night before came back to him in a rush as came fully awake.
'How the HELL did Ken end up on the couch with me?!' he thought frantically to himself. He jumped off the couch so fast that Ken fell to the floor with him. His arm slammed into the couch.
"AHH!" Ken yelled as the pain shooting up his arm jolted him awake. He slowly sat up and cradled his right arm with his left, looking confused. "Where.?" he started, then realization dawned on him as he came fully awake and the pain settled to a dull ache.
"I.I'm sorry, Yama! I woke from a nightmare and wanted a glass of water. I saw you lying on the couch out here, looking so cold, so I got in with you, to keep you warm! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you!" he rushed to say, tears trickling down his cheeks. Yamato's eyes went wide as he realized what Ken was thinking.
"No! Ken! You didn't offend me! I swear! It just startled me to find you there! That's all! Really! How.how's your arm? I made you hit it pretty hard, didn't I?" He rushed, gathering Ken into his arms again.
"It...It hurts a little." Ken sniffed.
"I'm sorry, Ken. Do you have your pain pills with you?"
Ken shook his head.
"Would you like some aspirin then?"
Ken nodded. Yamato left for the bathroom. Ken struggled out of the blankets and onto the couch. He was sitting there when Yamato came back in, holding two pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.
"Here." He said, handing the pills to Ken. Once he swallowed the pills, Yamato handed him the water.
"Would you like to stay here today? I haven't got any plans, and you are off today." Yamato asked cautiously.
"Yes. Please?" Ken responded, a pleading note in his voice.
"Of course. We can go visit the others together, if you want. Or we can just hang here. I just thought that you may be getting a bit sick of being alone all the time." Yamato said and hugged him again. This time Ken hugged him back. Yamato let go of Ken and went to make them something to eat. Ken sat on the couch and just let his mind go blank, listening to Yamato sing in the other room.
"Ken? How many eggs do you want?" Yamato shouted form the kitchen. Ken smiled. He did have a friend, someone that cared.
"Um.One will be fine!" He shouted back. Yamato started to sing again. Ken smiled and listened. Yamato was singing a song he had written ages ago, though he wouldn't say who for. It was called Butterfly. Ken relaxed, let his head fall back to be supported by the back of the couch. Within moments he had dozed off.
******
Yamato practically danced around the kitchen, making french-toast and eggs for both of them. He liked good, heavy, American breakfasts. They stayed with you longer. That way, if he ended up busy, he didn't have to worry about lunch.
Once the food was finished and served, he carefully carried both plates around the corner and into the living room. Ken was asleep again. Yamato smiled to himself, that was a good sign. It was probably the most he had slept since his mother had died. He carefully set the plates on the floor.
"Ken? Ken? Come on, wake up." He said, gently shaking Ken's shoulder. Ken woke slowly, delicate lashes fluttering up.
"Hi, Yama." He said around a yawn and smiled. Yamato smiled back.
"Food's done. Here." He handed Ken his plate. The two of them ate in silence. Once Ken had finished he set his plate down on the floor.
"Yama?" he asked, his voice very quiet.
"Yes?" Yamato responded around a mouthful of egg, the last bit of food he had.
"Did it bother you so much? Waking up to find me in bed with you, I mean?" he asked, eyes glued to his lap.
"Ken.I.no. It just startled me, that's all. I'm used to waking up to find guys in bed with me, actually. Just not ones that I know well, outside of the band." Yamato answered, his eyes glued to the floor. "I was just startled to find you there. You're so young, so damned innocent. I don't like finding guys your age in my bed. You're only seventeen! I'm nineteen; I'll be twenty this year." Ken looked up at Yamato, his eyes a little wide.
'Yamato is gay. I did not know that. I wish that I had. I still would have gotten into bed with him, but I don't think that I would have stayed as long as I did. Not that I minded staying. He IS cute. It's just.I don't think that I'm ready for people to find out that I am, too. I don't want to lose all of my friends so shortly after losing mother.'
"Ken?" Yamato's voice broke into his thoughts. "What are you thinking? You don't.you don't hate me now, do you?" his voice was quiet.
Ken looked up, startled.
"No! I don't hate you! How could I? You're one of the few friends that I have! Besides, you're funny, and sweet, and cute, and you have a wonderful voice! You're perfect, Yama!" he rushed to reassure his friend. He only realized what he'd said when Yamato looked up at him, slight wonder and dawning in his eyes. Ken blushed a lovely shade of scarlet and looked at the ground again.
"You're gay, too? I didn't know. Does anyone know?" Yamato asked. Ken shook his head and Yamato could see tears in his eyes. "Ken, what's wrong?"
"N.n.nothing." He stammered.
"Liar. You're crying again. What's the matter?"
"I don't want anyone to know! Please, don't tell anyone! Please, Yama!" he sobbed. "I didn't even mean to tell you! I don't want to lose my friends over it!"
Yamato pulled Ken into his arms again.
"I won't tell anyone. I don't want you to tell anyone either. You'd think that after the digiworld all of us would know everything there was to know about each other. I guess we all have our secrets though, don't we?" Yamato said, holding Ken close. Ken nodded. "Look at me, Ken." Yamato whispered and placed a finger beneath Ken's chin. Ken willingly tilted his face up to Yamato's. Yama leaned down and kissed him. It was gentle and sweet.
Ken leaned further into Yamato, pressing his body to Yama's. Yamato deepened the kiss. Ken moaned very quietly into Yamato's mouth. Yama pulled him even closed, crushing them together. Ken yelped. Yamato drew away quickly.
"I'm sorry, Ken! I forgot about your arm!" he rushed, leaning down to see the arm and cast better.
"It's alright, I forgot about it, too." Ken muttered.
"Did.did you like that, Ken?" Yamato asked. His eyes were bright and slightly glazed.
"Yes." Ken whispered. He had, very much. Hell! He went hard because of that kiss! His first kiss. He looked at Yamato. He was hard, too.
Yamato saw where Ken was looking and blushed. Ken leaned forward, careful of his arm, and kissed Yamato again. A light kiss, barely brushing his lips. Yamato moaned quietly. He reached for Ken. Ken let himself be pulled down. Yamato kissed a trail of fire along Ken's face, down his neck. He carefully pushed up the sweatshirt and kissed Ken's chest. He kissed a slow trail down his chest and over his stomach
****** A few minutes later they lay together on the couch, sweaty and exhausted.
Apparently they had been a little too loud, because one of the neighbors was pounding on the door.
Yamato got up to answer the door, pulling on his pants as he did so, not bothering with his discarded shirt. "Go into the bedroom or kitchen, if you don't want to be seen." He said and went to answer the door.
"We know that you are a very promiscuous boy, but will you please keep it down!" a sweet looking old lady yelled.
"Yes, Mrs. P." Yamato said and smiled at her. "It's just that I'm with this new guy, and he's better than I thought he'd be." She smiled.
"Well, I hope he's nice. And if he is, I hope you keep him. You need a steady boy, not a lot of lovers, Matt." She replied. Ken decided that he didn't want to hide from such a nice sounding lady. He stepped out form behind the door.
"I'm sorry, madam. We really didn't mean to be so loud." He said. Yamato blushed.
"Mrs. P, this is Ken Ichijiyouji." He said.
"I know the boy. He's the genius, the one whose mother recently died. I'm sorry for your loss, son. Be good to him Matt, or you'll sorely need a spanking." She smiled at both of them and left.
"Why'd you come out? I thought that you didn't want anyone to know." Yamato asked Ken, confusion in his voice.
"Well, she knows about you, and besides, she should meet the person that is being so loud that it disrupted whatever she was doing." Ken responded, reaching around to close the door. As he turned to go back into the living room Yamato grabbed him round the waist. He kissed Ken's neck and let him go again.
"Just what, exactly, does our little.display, mean?" he asked Ken. Ken turned to face him.
"I don't know. It could have been a one time thing, or we could start seeing each other. I guess that it doesn't really matter. I mean, I've never really thought about getting into a relationship before. Is that what you want this to be?" Ken asked. Yamato didn't respond right away. He thought about it first.
"Well.I would say, yes. We are in a relationship. But if that's the case, I'll have to let the band know, after all, it would mean no more one nighters with them. That wouldn't bother you, would it?"
"No. As long as the other digidestined didn't find out it wouldn't bother me." Ken replied after a moment of thought. "A relationship might be nice. Having some one to love might be nice." Yamato nodded and hugged Ken.
"A relationship it is, then." Yamato whispered in his ear as the two of them lay down on the couch together.
******
End Chapter One Part One.
Well? What do you think? Ken and Yama are only going to be together for a few chapters, and then they are going to break off so Ken can go with someone else, though I haven't decided who. What do you people think? I am going to try him with members of the band, eventually. Who do you people think he should go with next? Did you like Chapter One Part One or what? Review me! Please remember, I'm new to this, so I'm not the best writer in the world. Review review review. If you want info on the band, E-mail me and I'll send it to you. I'll have pictures for the fic soon, too. Well, it is time for me to stop writing and get into bed! I have work in the morning! Thanks for reading! Next Part of Chapter One will be up within three weeks.