Even Though It's Painful… Always.
By Nokurai To-orima
Disclaimer: I never did own FY. If I ever owned it, it will be more perverse!!! ^^;;; And the main character wouldn't be Miaka Yuuki. I only own the characters, Nokurai Toorima, Taimatsu Heren, Junsui Keito, and Fujimiya Michiru (Micchi).
Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews!!!! I really love people that give an effort to review a fanfic, or any fic they read due to the reason that it makes the author more motivated to write. Take it from me, I know what the authors feel when no one is reviewing them. As I said before, FY plot will take place on maybe the third chapter!!! Once again, hope you like the next chapter and please R+R!!!
An immense space of nonexistence.
Heartbeats began to speed up.
Breaths start to shorten.
Nervousness conquered calmness.
Eyes began to search for a quick exit, desperate to get away from what seemed to be like a dream…
My feet halted as I realized something.
It started all over again.
The same dream repeating for a hundredth time. But it seems to be different from before. There was no blinding light to yank me away. What is it this time?
And suddenly, familiar blazes appeared before me, dancing with grace as if they were on stage and I was the audience.
But, pain began to surge through my skin.
No more numbness
Normally, I would try to get away from being consumed. But there I stood, the fire prancing around me, telling me to stay and die.
Yes.
I'm tired.
Weary of Life's routine.
Exhausted of existing.
My knees loosened, and I found myself lying on a bed of fire. Emotionless eyes stares up at the never-ending darkness as flames burn down every cell of my being.
"Are you giving up?"
A familiar voice
"Answering the call of Death isn't the best method of evading reality."
The same voice haunting me every now and then.
"Are you a coward?"
COWARD?!
"I am NOT!" I shouted, standing up with anger and fury.
"Then why are you running away from your destiny?"
My destiny?
Chapter 2: Hateshinai Yami wo Dakishimete Mama (Embracing the Endless Darkness)
"It's your fate to be one of the darkness. But destiny ruffles with fate like bickering children, yet that brings you to a future filled with light."
"What do you mean?"
"Fate and Destiny are both different words yet they both do wonders."
"And remember…"
"Toorima!"
"In that weaved fate..."
"Ei, Toorima!"
"And that planned out destiny…"
"Wake up, Toorima!"
"You're not alone."
* * * * *
"Eh? Wh-what?" Blurry vision suddenly became clearer as I rubbed my eyes with both hands and met the bright sunshine and the concerned face of my friend, Heren. Sitting up, I found myself in the school garden, under the shade of the budding sakura tree with several sketchpads and a bag scattered around me.
"You slept again, didn't you?" she said, pouting. "You certainly have your own ways of skipping class."
I apologized with an obvious embarrassed face, and then I told her that I slept late last night thinking about the present Micchi's going to give me today. "And I didn't skip! It seemed to be that I was left behind when we were required to sketch this horizon." I added.
She smirked at me, "Yeah, right. One of your lame excuses."
"Shut up! What the hell are you doing here anyway?!"
"I happened to pass by when I saw you snoozing peacefully, so I decided to bother you. And a couple of boys told me to give you this." She handed me a carton of imported chocolates with an "I'm sorry" note on top of it. "I doubt that they were your secret admirers so I guess they were the victims you found yesterday, am I right?"
I gave her a glare until someone shouted: "Rima-chan! Over here!" and my face automatically fell when my "nickname" was used in the call. Seeing a cherry red-haired girl running on the grass with the same color of her eyes, I was sure that was Michiru. I greeted her with the usual gesture: a whack and a few curses while Heren smiled at the now crying Micchi with band-aids visible on her head.
She then spotted the package handed over me seconds ago. "Is that from a friend or a prey?"
"Ah you know, same-same." I replied, munching a piece of chocolate, "Want some?"
Michiru took one as she quickly sat under the cherry blossom tree and look through her things in her black bag. Heren bid goodbye as soon as the school bell rang. When I placed myself beside her, she pulled out a box with strange symbols engraved on it, like it was from centuries ago.
Not again!
Seeing me as white as the clouds roaming on the sky, Michiru let out a giggle. "If you're thinking something is going to happen, then follow your instincts."
I gulped.
"I'm just joking!"
"Y-You don't sound like one." I blurted out.
The pink-haired girl set aside the box, and got out a deck of cards that she's been using to predict her friends' as well as her own future. "Before that," She started, arranging the cards in her hands, "I've been trying to grasp on the meaning of your dream. And from my cards, I found out something."
I looked at her, interested on what she's about to say.
She let out a sigh, "You told me once that your dreams have a parallel similarities. These are darkness, coldness, fire and a message."
I nodded, affirming her that she's correct.
She pulled out two cards. One is a blank one while the other portrays a woman in black, chained and bloody. "Darkness and coldness means that there is a lone soul who is isolated from society and environment."
Abandoned?
Michiru settled down the first cards before pulling out another, "Spirit, energy, passion and inspiration. All of these are descriptions or emotions equivalent to the third element of your dream. The fire." The card has an image of another woman holding together two pieces of a broken heart while the flames covered her naked body.
"Fire is said to be a somewhat an intensity of emotions, a need to release feelings."
Full with emotions…
"And from the looks of it… it would be connected to love."
Love?
Just like the song.
Is my fate tangled up with that song?
Is it possible?
"Finally," she showed me the card before laying it below the other cards. "The message." She scratched her head, and gave me a weak smile before saying, "I have no idea what this means!" Causing me to have tons of rocks falling on my head.
"MICCHI!!!" I roared as my hands reached for her neck, wanting to strangle her severely.
"But," she added quickly as if trying to stop my attempt, "I think the message is said by someone you will see in the near future… probably your future sweetheart." She teased.
"NANI?!" I turned as red as a tomato while she was giggling like mad. She loves to tease me, especially if it involves boys. "You know very well that I'm not interested having a lovey-dovey!"
She playfully slapped me on my shoulder, "Oh Rima-chan, you're so kawaii when you're blushing!"
"Stop calling me that!"
She then get a hold of the wooden box she pulled out earlier. "But please do me one favor." Her voice was in a tone of a concern mother for her child. She gingerly opened it, revealing a Chinese paintbrush and a black liquid contained in a small bottle. She looked back at me. "Also according to the cards, Fate has given you many obstacles to go through. One of them would be death."
A shiver ran up my spine as I recalled my dream.
I wanted to die back then…
Just because I wanted to escape from my what might happen to me…
But…
As usual, something interrupted my thoughts, and involves somewhat slick and wet traveling through my upper back. I took a glance and saw my best friend painting something on my back with her paintbrush. "What are you doing?" I asked with questioning eyes.
She continued scribbling down, "I'm putting a spell on you, baka!"
That's Michiru talk for "I'm worried about you, you idiot. I'm doing this for your sake, so quit asking stupid questions." I thought. She ONLY says words such as "baka" whenever she's troubled or pissed off on something.
As steadily as I could, I reached for my sketchpad and a pencil and started drawing. Stillness between us dominated, making the rustling of leaves the only sound that you could hear.
Destiny…
A smile was engraved on my lips. "Michiru, no one knows what the future holds. The cards may be right at one point yet the one who twists the delicate thread of destiny is only that person and no other." She looked at me, surprised.
"It's not that I don't believe you or the cards but…"
"I do what I want to do, accepting what fate would bring me. But when it comes to destiny, I'm the one planning it."
I watched her, wishing that those words would relax her even for a little. But instead, she didn't reply at all or even showed a sign that she's relieved at all. My smile suddenly became a forlorn one. I scratched my head, Oh man, I probably made her even more anxious…
Surprisingly, I received a pat on my shoulder. "Thanks for worrying about me." she finally said, a genuine smile showed up. I returned that grin of hers with mine, "I should be the one thanking you. Besides, what are best friends for?"
We stared at each other's eyes, and then burst into fits of laughter.
Tomodachi…
Who can live without them…
"Okay, I'm finally finished!"
"You really made me a vandalizing board…"
"Mou, Rima-chan, you're really an Akuma! You don't appreciate my work… *sob sob*"
"Quit calling me Rima-chan!!!"
* * * * *
Paper flew everywhere.
Droopy eyes staring uncomprehendingly at the monitor as fingers input data at the late hour of the night.
Finally, the printer hummed into life and started printing.
"At last, I'm done!" I stretched my arms upwards before returning the encyclopedias into the bookshelf. After months of sleepless nights and slavery, I have finished editing my English term paper! After organizing the 21-page document, I switched off the computer and quickly retired for the night.
I slept like a stone for several hours, but in the dark before dawn, I sat upright with now wide-awake eyes and a dream that haunted me for ages. Stupid dream! I can't even have a decent slumber!!!
I suddenly remembered the very belated birthday card Michiru gave me.
---Flashback---
"Rima-chan!"
"Not you again…" I gently slap my face in mock disbelief.
She gave me frown, "There you go again, putting up that Akuma attitude of yours. I just forgot to give you your gift." She held out a scented baby blue envelope.
Oh great. She remembered.
"Now keep in mind," she added right after I get a hold of her present. "I want you to read it tomorrow and not today. You promise?"
I sighed, deciding to go along with her favor, "Yokkai…"
---End of Flashback---
Carefully opening it, I silently prayed that it was nothing strange, and sighed out in relief when I pulled out a normal birthday card. I tentatively opened it, and to my surprise, a piece of parchment with strange scribbles was stapled in it. It had a beautiful artwork of a mythical creature. A dragon, with emerald scales shining like an armor sitting on a rock, looked at me with its golden eyes.
Mesmerized by the drawing, I outlined its head with my finger, indulging every detail of the exotic art.
"Hitori ja nai…"
I shook my head and looked again. I thought it just said that. Then just below the image, some strange words are written on it. I uttered it out loud as if I was chanting:
Sors salutis et virtutis
(Fate opposes me in vitality)
michi nunc contraria,
(and morality)
est affectus
(forced ever onward,)
et defectus
(burdened,)
semper in angaria
(always in chains.)
Hac in hora
(So this very moment,)
Sine mora
(without tarrying,)
Corde pulsum tangite
(pluck the quivering strings.)
quod per sortem sernit fortem,
(Because Fate punishes the one who plays,)
mecum omnes plangite!
(all lament with me!)
The paper began to glow with an eerie sapphire light that soon filled the room, strong wind roamed around the place. What the?! Crimson eyes widen as I saw a recognizable yellow eyes staring back at me. Without further warning, the light enclosed my whole being, watching orbs still there. As a muffled scream escaped from my lips, a great flash of blue light blinded me and took me away to an unknown universe.
When the light faded and the wind subsided, a person was sitting by the window.
"Ganbatte, Rima-chan…" The shadowy figure said. As the sun greeted the world, its faint rays illuminated a cherry-haired woman smiling in front of a window
* * * * *
Once more…
I'm in the ever-familiar world of nothingness…
And all by myself.
Just together with my friend…
The darkness.
Not anymore a dream…
It's reality.
…
No.
I don't want this!
I'm so scared.
I don't want to be alone.
I don't want the obscurity.
The azure glow doesn't help me ease my fear that's now materializing in my mind.
Michiru…
Keito…
Heren…
Anyone…
Tasukete…
I'm frightened…
But no one answered my plea.
No one can help me except for myself.
But I can't even help myself!!!
All I can do is wait…
And embrace the endless darkness.
Continued…
* * * * *
Another chapter ended!
*Achoo!*
And another cold attacked me…. *sigh* But that doesn't stop me from writing! Ohohohohohohoho!!! *cackles* By the way, has anyone guessed who's the FY character going to appear next chapter? I hope so! Oh yeah, I just reread my previous chapter and I quite forgot to put a reference on what some of the Japanese words means. But I concluded that people reading anime fanfics are already familiar with them. But if you're not that kind of person, just inform me and I'll be glad to put up a glossary for you, yoshi? (yoshi means okay).
And another thing, about the cards and stuff, I just made it up! But the meaning of the dream is a result of thorough research on encyclopedias, psychologists, and web pages on the net (I have the habit to put some factual information on my fics).
Oh yeah, the chant is from Carmina Burana of the 13th Century. Cool ne?
Here's a message for the reviewers.
To Otaku Pitcher: Thanks a lot for reviewing my work! I really appreciated it! So, you've also noticed that my plot doesn't move so much… hehehe . Actually, it was for the sake of the knowing what the main character was pondering about but I'll try to improve it much more in the upcoming chapters. Hope you like this one also and keep reviewing!!! ^.^ (By the way, I really like the way you evaluated my work!) Don't you have any fanfics posted up?
To Kittychan: Of course I remember you! I'm glad that you seem to notice people who are reviewing you. Thanks for leaving a comment about my work and I'm looking forward your works and hope you'll review all throughout my story! I'll keep you updated as well. Anyway, I really, REALLY loved your dramatic poems! My friends and I actually cried when they read "And I Still Wait" when they visited my house *sweatdrop*
To margaux_urameshi: Arigatou gozaimasu for your time in reading my fanfic and reviewing it! I'm really grateful for your effort! I hope you'll read it as the story progress. Anyway, do you have any plans dropping at CCHQ after the anime convention? I'm going to pick up the Vol. 6 of Fruit Basket! Kyo-kun!!! AISHITTERU!!! *squeals* Hehehe, sorry, I got too excited. I'll just see you guys at the anime con. Okay? Ja!
To Kirsche: I can't even understand your name!!! Anyway, thanks for the review! A couple of words are better than none! Hehehe ^.~ By the way, I've already put up something on our BBS and on your website! I dunno when I'll be posting up my site since I'm still a beginner so… probably during school days… I'll just keep you updated, okay? AND KYO-KUN IS MIIIIIIINNNNEEE!!!!! Have you even read FURUBA??!! Hehehe, I've read it online! Bwahahahahaha!!! And I know his little secret…
To Sakurabaka Sagara: THANK YOU FOR THE EDITING AND REVIEW IN MY E-MAIL!!!!! I OWE YOU!!!!!!
For any questions, ideas of the next chapters, please drop me a mail in furyoushoujo@hotmail.com. I'll be grateful to you.
Until then, keep those reviews coming!