Title: Sacrifice

Author: Shawna

Email: suppi_chan@msn.com

Rated: Oh...hell if I know. PG for now, maybe PG-13 later?

Pairing: Harry/Draco

Part: 2/?

Warnings: Hrm. This one's pretty mild. Let's see...slash, dark themes, angst. And not really as much as I'd been planning. *sigh*

Disclaimer: The wonder known as Harry Potter belongs to a lot of people, and you can rest assured that I'm not one of them. *sadness* The only thing I own is the writing. Heck, even the *idea* isn't mine! I'm not making any money off of this insane endeavor, and while I don't always play nice with other people's toys, I promise to return them alive, at least. ^_~

Notes: Well. That's it. This is a lost cause. My muse has all but abandoned me, and even *I'm* not sure who's writing this thing anymore. ^^;

Though, on a sillier note, I made a couple of fun typos while I was working on it. ^_^v The first one was 'Snap snaped.' *grin* Anyone have any idea how one would snape? Would it involve taking points from Gryffindor at every turn? Hehe...

The other was at some point when Draco was speaking, I accidentally typed 'Pooter' instead of 'Potter.' Had me rolling for at least ten minutes, imagining Draco saying pooter. ^_^ I know, I'm crazy. On to the fic! Enjoy, burn it, use it to line the litter box. Your choice. ^^

~*~I've been searching for a reason, and I'm running out of time.

I can feel that it's that season, it's time to make up my mind.

And I can't really tell you what I'm gonna do,

There are so many thoughts in my head.

There are two roads to walk down, and one road to choose,

So I'm thinking over the things that you've said.

I'm thinking over the things...~*~

-Thinking Over, Dana Glover


Harry's thoughts had been running in circles for the past week. His classes were all a blur, and he couldn't seem to focus on anything. Just the same thoughts, over and over, running an endless circuit that led absolutely nowhere. Harry took a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair, staring blindly at the potions textbook in front of him.

Focus.

He had to think about things in a rational manner, not like the overwhelmed, panicked little boy he very much felt like.

Draco had kissed him.

Right. Good. It was a start. Draco Malfoy had kissed him. Harry tried rather unsuccessfully to ignore the way his stomach twisted into knots at the memory. He frowned. No, ignoring it wasn't going to get him anywhere. He had to be honest with himself if he was going to figure anything out, and ignoring how he felt really didn't count as honesty. Draco had kissed him, and he had liked it.

There. He had liked the kiss. In fact, he really wouldn't mind a repeat performance. Actually, he admitted to himself, he was really rather hoping there would be. That brief touch of lips had stirred something inside him that Harry found intriguing, if a bit frightening. Intriguing enough that he wanted to explore that feeling further.

It's all relative.

Draco's words from the week before came back to him, and Harry couldn't help but wonder if he was right. Was it all relative? For seven years, he'd had the clear cut lines of good and evil laid out before him, but what if it was all an illusion? Nothing more then a matter of perspective? Harry shied away from the thought, forcing it from his mind. He wasn't ready to deal with that possibility. Not yet.

Draco first. Once he had that aspect of things figured out, he could focus on the rest of it. For the sake of his sanity, he couldn't tackle all of his doubts at once.

"Potter!"

Harry started, head snapping up to find Snape fixing him with glare. "S-sir?" he stammered, feeling a blush creep up his face when he realized the rest of the class was staring.

"So nice of you to join us, Potter," Snape snapped, "Now, would you kindly explain the importance of timing for this particular potion?"

"I...uh...that is, well..." Harry shrank beneath Snape's stare. He didn't even know what potion they were studying. "I don't know," he said meekly.

"Ten points from Gryffindor," Snape said, eyes glinting in malicious pleasure. "It might be in your best interest to pay attention next time, Potter."

Harry just nodded and proceeded to spend the rest of the class trying to be as invisible as possible. It wasn't the first time Snape had caught him without an answer. In fact, it seemed to be happening more and more frequently as of late, but it was embarrassing nevertheless.

Thankfully, he didn't have long to wait. Apparently Snape had waited till the tail end of class to make a fool out of him. Harry frowned to himself as he collected his things. This was getting to be ridiculous. He was so out of it lately that he was losing track of time, forgetting meals and sometimes going to the wrong classes. It had to stop, and that wasn't going to happen until he spoke to Draco. He would have to meet him tonight.

So caught up was he in his thoughts, that he didn't notice Hermione calling his name until she was practically on top of him. "Oh, hello Hermione," he said, smiling sheepishly.

She frowned as she fell into step beside him, concern plain. "I'm worried about you, Harry," she said. "You haven't been yourself lately. What's wrong?"

He stopped walking, turning to face her, smiling in what he hoped was a reassuring way. "It's nothing Hermione. It's just school stress, you know?" He felt a pang of guilt at how easily the lie came. When had it come to this? It seemed as though a great gap had grown between them, and now he couldn't even talk to her anymore.

"You sure?" she asked, "You can tell me anything Harry, you know that, right?"

"Yeah." He elbowed her playfully, trying to ignore the guilty tightening in his chest. "Thanks for caring."

"Harry! Hermione!" They both turned to see Ron running up to them. He grinned excitedly. "I just heard from one of the girls in Hufflepuff that one of the Slytherin fifth years just managed to turn Professor Flitwick green! Wanna go see if we can't get a look at him?"

Hermione looked over at Harry, and he grinned, waving a hand. "Go, go. I'll be along in a bit, alright?"

"Don't you want to see him Harry?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, but," he gestured back at the classroom, "I should probably go apologize to Snape. I was practically sleeping in his class."

Ron shook his head. "You're crazy. You're lucky you got out of there without detention!"

Harry just shrugged, and Ron sighed. "Alright then. C'mon Hermione."

Harry sighed and slumped against the wall as they rounded the corner. He hated this. He hated lying to his friends, but he just felt so strained around them. More and more, the laughter and smiles were forced. The childhood friendship had deteriorated, leaving them all grasping at threads, trying delay the inevitable, to keep it from unraveling completely.

"Apologize to Snape? Really, Potter...couldn't you think of something better than that?"

That soft, liquid voice sent an electric thrill down his spine that settled as a strange, fluttering warmth in his belly. Harry looked up, meeting amused silver eyes, and he felt himself flush. "Uh...well..."

"Always so eloquent?" Draco asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Actually, I uh...wanted to talk to you," Harry said quietly, ignoring the jibe.

"I thought you might," Draco said. "Considering you've been running around in a daze all week. I'm amazed you haven't been running into walls."

Harry winced. "Is it that obvious?"

"Mm. Very. I actually overheard some of the teachers talking about it. Seems you have everyone quite concerned."

Harry made a face. "So I've been a little out of it. It's not that big of a deal."

"I suppose," Draco said slowly, regarding Harry with a serious stare, "That depends on who you ask." He pushed away from the wall, and before Harry could reply, he said, "About that talk. Let's move to a place a little less..." He gestured to a couple of passing Ravenclaw girls. "Public."

Harry nodded, falling into step beside Draco as he asked, "So, how was it you managed to survive falling asleep in Snape's class?"

"I didn't fall asleep," Harry said, embarrassed. "I just...wasn't really paying much attention."

"Ah. You know, you really must be pretty bad off, if even Snape was feeling sorry enough for you that you got away without detention. Hmm...if a little thing like that was enough send you into a daze," Draco said, looking over at Harry with a smug smirk. "I wonder what would happen if I really kissed you."

Harry choked, staring at Draco with wide eyes, face flaming. "I...you didn't...that is, I...well...oh dear..." he trailed off, completely mortified.

Draco laughed. "You really are too easy to embarrass, Potter."

"Prat," Harry muttered, punching him in the shoulder.

"Oh, so now you resort to violence?" Draco shook his head, "And here I thought you were better than that."

"For you, I'll make an exception."

"You certainly do have a knack for making a man feel special," Draco said dryly.

"Well, you..." Harry trailed off, suddenly aware that he had no idea where they were. "Draco, where are we?"

"Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. You really are out of it."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Thank you, Malfoy, for pointing out the obvious. You know what I meant."

Draco just smiled at him. "I told you we were going somewhere a little less public."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "A dead end in a corridor I never knew existed?"

"Patience, Potter," Draco said, pushing in one of the stones on the wall.

There was a faint rumbling, and then to Harry's surprise, part of the wall slid open, revealing a room beyond. Draco smirked. "After you."

"Where does it lead?" Harry asked, stepping inside.

"Nowhere." Draco replied, following him inside and making sure the wall closed back up behind them. "As far as I've been able to tell, it's just a long forgotten storage room."

Harry nodded, looking around curiously. It didn't look much like a storage room. Bedroom seemed more appropriate. There was a desk and chair in one corner, a bed in another. There was a large, thick rug on the floor, and a few smaller items scattered around the room. He looked over at Draco, who had plunked down on the bed. "It doesn't look like a storage room, forgotten or otherwise," he said.

"Well, of course it doesn't. It's taken me years to get this place put together properly." Harry thought Draco seemed rather proud. "This is...my little secret, I suppose. I spend most of my time here." He grinned. "The privacy is well worth the reputation of being Hogwarts' most promiscuous Slytherin."

"You mean...you aren't?" Harry felt stupid the instant the words were out of his mouth.

Draco chuckled. "Well, I'm hardly an innocent, Potter, but no, I'm not nearly as bad as the rumors say. I do have standards you know."

Harry knew Draco hadn't meant anything by it, but he felt himself blush anyway. He turned his back, pretending to look over the room, and hoped Draco hadn't noticed. "So...all those rumors about your, er, activities...you were always here?"

"Most of the time."

Harry nodded, feeling vaguely relieved. "How many people know about it?"

"Just you."

Eyes wide in surprise, Harry turned to look at Draco. "Just me? But...why?"

Draco shrugged. "You said you trusted me. So, I thought it appropriate that I show you my own gesture of trust." He grinned. "Besides, what fun is a secret when you don't have anyone to share it with?"

Harry couldn't help but smile. "You don't really strike me as someone given to shows of trust."

"I'm not."

Harry felt strangely pleased by that comment, but didn't press further.

"Now," Draco said, "I believe you wanted to talk?"

"Er...yeah."

"Sit." The blonde pointed to a spot next to him on the bed. Harry hesitated for a moment, before settling down next to him.

"Alright," Draco said, leaning back against the wall and closing his eyes. "Talk."

"Well..." Harry sighed, looking over at Draco. He looked for all the world to be asleep. Hands folded over his stomach and legs crossed at the ankles, he was completely relaxed. A few strands of pale blonde hair had come out of the tail and hung in his eyes and against his cheek. It was the first time Harry had ever seen Draco look so unguarded and...peaceful.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I always thought talking involved...oh, sound of some sort."

Harry started guiltily, realizing that Draco had cracked open an eye and was watching him with an amused smile. "Oh...sorry. I got distracted."

"Apparently." Draco closed his eyes again, but the smile was still in place. "Care to give it another go?"

"Why did you...uh..." Harry felt himself blush and made a face. Why was he getting so worked up over it anyway? It wasn't like he had never kissed someone. Granted, he had never kissed a man before, but he was acting like a little boy going all to pieces after his first kiss. He took a deep breath. "Why did you kiss me?" There. That wasn't so bad. His voice hadn't even shaken. Much.

"Because I wanted to," Draco said, voice tinged with amusement.

"That doesn't really clear much up," Harry muttered.

"Then learn to ask the right questions, Potter."

"Okay," Harry took a deep breath, trying to ignore the herd of hippogriffs apparently stampeding around in his stomach with little success. "Why did you want to?"

Draco smirked. "Ah. Now that is a question, isn't it? You really are quite kissable, you know."

"I'm what?"

"Kissable."

"Kissable?"

"Quite."

"You kissed me because I'm....kissable?"

"No."

"But you said-"

"I know what I said, Potter." Draco's smirk graduated into a full fledged grin. "I was merely making an observation."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Immensely."

"Stupid git."

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Potter."

Harry snorted, grabbed the pillow and swung it with all his strength right into Draco's face. The blonde squeaked, eyes flying open and nearly falling off the bed. Draco stared at him, wide-eyed and half hanging off the bed, and Harry couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, don't look at me like that. You had it coming."

Draco sniffed, all wounded dignity, and sat up, trying rather unsuccessfully to smooth his hair back down. "Remind me to never let you within ten feet of a pillow."

Harry just grinned. "You going to answer my question now?"

With an annoyed snort, Draco gave up on his hair, letting it fall in his face. Half of it had escaped the tail when Harry had hit him, and now free, refused to be put back into proper order. "You have no sense of humor."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Harry said, "I thought it was incredibly funny."

"You would."

"Draco?"

"Hm?"

"My question."

Draco settled back into his former position, keeping a wary eye on his companion this time. "I kissed you because I wanted to see how you'd react."

Harry frowned. "You wanted to see how I'd react?"

"Yes."

"But-"

"Let me finish, will you?" Draco interrupted. "It was a...test of sorts."

"A test?" Harry asked, not quite understanding. Had it all been just a joke?

Draco shook his head. "No. It's my turn to ask a question. Why have you been in such a daze?"

"It...unsettled me, I suppose."

"And?" Draco prompted.

"And what?"

"People don't run around in a daze for a week when they're just unsettled," Draco said. "Come on, Potter. Be honest with me."

Harry sighed, thinking. Honest. He could do that. He had liked the kiss, a great deal. He wanted Draco to kiss him again, he'd already admitted as much to himself. So, why the daze? Why had he been running around like his brain had taken an impromptu holiday? What was so different about this particular kiss, that it would send him into such a state?

It struck him then. Draco's kiss had sent him into that mild, uncertain panic because he had liked it. A wave of guilt washed over him. He had been kissed by Draco Malfoy, someone with whom he would be enemies in the very near future, someone whose morals went against everything he believed in, and he had liked it. It was so obvious, what was happening to him, he couldn't believe he hadn't realized before.

"Oh god..." he whispered.

"Harry?" Draco frowned, looking concerned. "Are you alright? You've gone pale."

"I..." Harry stood up suddenly, a wave of panic washing over him. "I can't. I-I have to...I have to go."

Draco stood and took a step toward Harry, pausing when the other boy backed away. "What's wrong?"

"I-I'm sorry Draco..." Harry tripped the switch which opened the door. "I can't. This...I just...it's...I can't. I'm sorry. I can't."

With that he turned and dashed out of the room, mind swirling in a confused, panicked frenzy. He wasn't sure where he was going, or how long he ran, he just had to get as far away as possible. He wasn't even sure if Draco followed him or not.

He slowed when he developed a stitch in his side, and realized he was outside. Ducking behind a tree, he slumped to the ground, drawing his knees to his chest. It was impossible. It had to be. It simply could not be happening. Harry let out a long, shuddering breath. Suddenly, it seemed as though his world was falling down around his ears, and he was helpless to stop it. He knew now, with painful clarity, that in one moment of realization everything had changed.

Harry looked up at the bright, crisp blue sky, the leaves in the tree above just beginning to show red and gold mingled among the green. He had always loved autumn, but now its beauty went unnoticed. All he could do was fight the tightness in his chest and wonder how fate could have done this to him. How fate could have let him fall in love with Draco Malfoy.