Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad that you like it Culf! I've almost actually finished writing up the whole story and reviews might come earlier then a week (like this one) but you'll recieve at least one a week. Depending on my work-load! Anyway, i hope you enjoy it!
****Obi-Wan closed his eyes in despair as he felt his neck burn and his shakily grasped his opponents hand to help him up. He heard the applause but knew it wasn't for him. His eyes instinctively went to his teacher's face and he saw disappointment spelled out on his facial features.
He had failed.
His eyes searched the stands for a friendly face and his eyes fell onto Master's Jinn's face. The man wasn't even looking at him. He didn't even bother clapping at the pathetic piece of fighting. Suddenly he saw someone waving at him and his face lit up, thinking his friends had turned up after all.
"GOOD FIGHT, OAFY-WAN!" Bruck laughed and Obi-Wan felt his face burn from shame.
He couldn't take it any longer. Before he even waited to be dismissed he ran from the stadium, seeking refuge somewhere. Anywhere.
Failure.
He ran into the library, searching for a place to bury himself.
His friends were sitting around a table, books spread out between them, arguing heatedly. He skidded to a stop, disbelief spreading like a wildfire across his face.
His friends had given up watching him to read books?
His self-restraint quivered and abruptly snapped. "WHERE WERE YOU?!?!" His voice came out harsh and angry.
"Huh?" Three pairs of eyes gaped up at the angry, humiliated and confused boy. "Obi-Wan! What are you doing---"
Obi-Wan cut them off before they could finish the sentence, "I CAN'T believe you! I JUST HAD MY FIGHT! And you didn't even bother to see me!"
"Now, just hang on a moment----" Garen tried to calm down his friend.
"NO! DON'T YOU TELL ME TO HANG ON! I've been hanging on for too long! I THOUGHT that you were MY FRIENDS!"
"We are!" Bant cried, "We—"
Obi-Wan continued, his anger controlling him, his hurt too massive for his 12-year-old body to manage, "I've HAD THE WORSE DAY IN MY LIFE! And all you can DO IS SIT HERE! And tell me to HANG ON?!?! You guys are, are……." His mind tried to come up with a horrible enough word, to try and describe the way he was feeling. "You guys are PATHETIC!"
"Excuse me!" Reeft clambered to his feet and stuck out an accusing finger at Obi-Wan, "Don't you dare call me that!"
"PATHETIC!" The little initiate screamed it as loud as his voice-box would allow him. "You didn't even notice me THIS morning! You're all too BUSY FOR ME!"
"Just because you've been rejected so many times, doesn't mean you have to take it out on us!" Garen icily replied.
"I HAVE NOT BEEN REJECTED!"
"Oh yeah? Then how come there are no masters falling over themselves to pick you huh?" Reeft gabbled out, his mind not thinking what he was actually saying.
"Reeft!" Bant looked at Reeft with wide eyes, "No!"
"ITS TRUE! You think you're SO GOOD, when YOU'RE NOT! You're AVERAGE!!"
"Reeft, stop it! STOP IT!" Bant banged her fist uselessly on the table.
Obi-Wan stared speechlessly at Reeft and said sadly, "I can't believe I thought you were my friend." Then his anger took over again, "I CAN'T BELIEVE I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND! You're not so GOOD yourself and you know it!"
"You guys! Stop it! Stop it this instant!" Bant stood up and uselessly tried to diffuse the situation.
"And you Bant! I would've thought YOU"D be LAST ONE TO FORGET ABOUT ME! I had my last fight two MINUTES AGO! And you weren't THERE!!"
Bant colored as she remembered how important that fight had meant to her friend, "I'm sorry Obi-Wan, I truly am. I'll make it up to you……"
"I'M SORRY?!?!? That's all you can say?!?! I'll make it up to you?!?!"
"You know what Obi-Wan? You're not the center of the universe. We had better things to do." Bant didn't even stop to think how much her comments would affect the boy. She was too busy trying to defend herself.
"BETTER THINGS?!?"
"I meant, we had more important things to do!"
"MORE IMPORTANT THINGS?!?"
"Look, Obi-Wan, I truly am sorry but we had to research for the trip that we're going on."
Obi-Wan threw his head back and howled a howl of animal rage and anger, "THE TRIP! The trip that you're going on WITHOUT ME!!! I GET LEFT BEHIND AGAIN!?!?"
"Well, if you pulled yourself together and stopped being so pathetic---"
"I AM NOT PATHETIC!"
"---then you could've come with us!" Garen ground out between clenched teeth.
Obi-Wan stood stock still, his heart thumping away and his hands trembling. His friends stared back at him, resentment burning deep in their eyes.
Something was wrong. Something had gone terribly wrong.
Bruck was right. He was a failure. His friends hated him, he was a pathetic fighter and would never become a Jedi.
He was a pathetic failure.
Obi-Wan blinked, his emotions too harsh for him to bear and a tear slipped out. Anger flared once more and with heartfelt fury he punched the bookcase, tore the books out, kicked them around and screamed at the top of his lungs.
He couldn't handle the truth. Bruck was right.
Tears streamed down his face as he vented his anger on the bookshelf. His friends just watched open mouthed.
Failure.
"Obi-Wan…..?" Bant timidly questioned but quailed back as the boy turned to face her, his anger, resentment, fury, and hatred written clearly on his face.
"I HATE YOU!" The boy spat out viciously. Of course, he didn't hate her. He hated himself. He wildly looked for something to throw and remembered that clenched in his hand was his lightsaber. He gave the bookshelf one last kick and ditched his weapon as hard as he could at Garen.
Before he could see what damage he had done, he had gone.
Garen picked himself up off the floor. The lightsabre had caught him unawares in the middle of the head and he hadn't been ready for the force behind it. Bant and Reeft just stared at the mess around them.
"Yeah, well, I'd say that that was a bit of an over-reaction for missing that stupid fight." Garen rubbed his head and asked, "So what are we going to do about him?"
"Nothing." Bant lowered her head, "Half of it was our fault. He will come back and we will explain our position."
"He'd better hurry because we leave in two days. And we'll be gone for two months at least." Reeft spoke up as he looked at the devastated books around him. "Do you think we'll be blamed for this?"
****Qui-Gon Jinn stalked his way through the corridor, glad that the trials were over for the day.
But then there's tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. The Master closed his eyes and leaned against the wall.
He was NOT going to accept another Padawan. Not after what Xanatos had done to him. One heartbreak was enough – why should he risk his heart for another, just for it to be broken like a piece of worthless glass?
The only reason he came was because Yoda always managed to find a way to get his old Padawan back into the temple, to sit and watch the initiates desperately battle for a place under his wing.
A place that he was not going to give.
Yoda was concerned about the mental health of his old Padawan. Qui-Gon knew this, but just didn't care. What did it matter?
The fights today had been average. That is, until the last boy came on. That boy had been worse then average. He had fallen for every small thing but…….there was something about him…….
Master Jinn wrinkled his brow as he tried to remember. He had felt the power around the boy, he had felt the Force thicken around the boy, he had seen the Force do whatever the boy wanted of it. He was so in tune with it that what had happened out there on the fighting arena just made no sense.
The boy should've won and won easily. But as the fight commenced, Qui-Gon could feel the confusion, despair and fear radiate out from the boy. The boy couldn't find his center. And that had cost him dreadfully.
When the killing blow had come, Qui-Gon Jinn had felt a wave of despair so thick that he thought he was drowning in it. No mere boy should have had that much power behind such a single wave-emotion.
He looked uninterestedly at the name on the schedule : Obi-Wan Kenobi.
As he looked back out to the arena he caught the boy staring at him. Before the boy noticed, he quickly averted his eyes and stared uninterestedly at some point on the wall. Strangely enough, just that small eye contact made his spine tingle and heart thump wildly in his heart.
Get over it Jinn. He's just a boy. The Master levered himself up off the wall and continued slowly down the hall.
But something still niggled at the Master about that boy……..
He had seen the taunting that the other white-haired boy had given him, and he had seen the pain it had caused Kenobi.
As he rounded the corner he came across a sight that made his eyes widen.
****Obi-Wan leaned against the wall, sobbing miserably, his head buried deep in his hands.
"Oafy-Wan! Great fight! Brilliant! You know, with moves like that you could maybe, just possibly, beat a 5-year-old!" Bruck's voice came from right beside him, bitterness lacing the edges.
Obi-Wan spun around his eyes red-rimmed and tear tracks openly sprawled down his cheeks. "Bruck! Please just go---"
Bruck's eyes widened innocently, "Oh did I upset you? You're crying Kenobi! Sobbing like a little girl! You must be sooo upset to know that you are a failure! Too bad. I guess you're going to spend the rest of your life in the Agri-Corps."
Failure.
Obi-Wan sniffed and wiped his nose grubbily on his sleeve, "Please go away."
"Please……go……away?!?!?!" Bruck snorted, "Uhm…..no! I guess you've heard that your friends are going away on a trip together? Leaving you behind? They mustn't think that you're good enough. Well, I must say that it took them a while to realize it huh? Well, I guess that doesn't matter because you'll soon be on some god-forsaken planet and everyone will soon forget that you even existed."
"No, that's not true…"
You've been rejected so many times.
"You know, I don't think I've ever seen the 'sabre teacher so disappointed. I don't know why they even bother with you. I mean, you're so pathetic. You're a pathetic-"
"FAILURE!!" Obi-Wan screeched as he physically leapt onto the white-haired boy. " I KNOW I'M A FAILURE!"
Bruck's eyes widened in fear as his body slammed into the ground with Kenobi on top.
"Shutup BRUCK! SHUTUP! I know I'm a failure. Pathetic failure!! EVERYONE HATES ME! I HATE ME!! I can't do ANYTHING right. IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!" Obi-Wan tried to hit the boy beneath him but Bruck was awake enough to move out of the way of the flying fists.
"Get off me Kenobi!" He shouted uselessly.
Obi-Wan screamed, his hatred and anger evident in his voice as grabbed the boy by his white hair. "WHY?? WHY doesn't anyone NOTICE ME?!?! Because I'm a FAILURE! EVERYONE thinks I'm a FAILURE! A pity-case!" Before Bruck could act, Obi-Wan slammed the boy's head in the ground, "I HATE MYSELF!! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!"
Bruck's head was spinning but he saw out of the corner of his eye Master Jinn round the corner. He mentally grinned, Obi-Wan was going to get a pounding for this.
The boy was sobbing as he slammed the white-haired boy's head into the ground once again. He raised his fist once more to do it again when the stern voice stopped him.
"GET OFF HIM NOW!" The voice had iron in it and Obi-Wan instantly dropped Bruck's head to look up into Master Jinn's eyes. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?"
"M-Master J-Jinn." Obi-Wan stammered and hesitantly crawled off Bruck.
"Master Jinn! Thank Force you came! Initiate Kenobi here attacked me unprovoked!" Bruck put on his innocent face while rubbing the back of his head.
Failure.
Obi-Wan just stared into the Master's eyes, he could see no emotion there except disbelief, distrust and coldness.
"He hates me. Everyone hates me. I don't belong here." Obi-Wan whispered to himself, turned tail and ran.
"COME BACK HERE!" Bruck bellowed but Qui-Gon Jinn just silently watched the boys retreating back. Kenobi's eyes bothered him. They were so full of pain, so full of inner hatred and so full of resignation.
He rubbed his chin and turned to the white-haired boy who was shakily standing up, "Who are you?"
The Padawan stared at the man, smiled a toothy smile and replied with pride, "I am Bruck, Padawan to Master Nygher."
Qui-Gon nodded without any emotion. This boy obviously thought too much of himself. Being Padawan to Master Nygher made sense. The man was an idiot. Most of the Order thought so. The last time he had properly trained a Padawan was around 30 years ago, only because the initiate had done most of the work himself.
"What did you say to him?"
Bruck gaped, "Nothing Master Jinn! He attacked me unprovoked."
"Yes, that's what you said."
"Yes. That is what I said."
Qui-Gon gave the boy a stern glare and watched as the boy shuffled his feet. He was hiding something. "Well, then. Where has Kenobi gone to?"
Bruck stared in amazement. He knows Oafy-Wan's name. But he didn't know mine. How come? "I don't know sir. But he always turns up sooner of later."
"Okay. Get back to your Master and get your head treated to." Master Jinn didn't even look at the boy but stared down the hall where the grief-stricken boy had fled.
"Yes, Master Jinn." Bruck noted this with jealously and walked jerkily away.
****Obi-Wan burst out of the temple doors and fled down the steps without realizing what he was doing.
Master Jinn had seen him fighting with Bruck. Master Jinn had been angry. Worse of all, Master Jinn had been controlled.
Failure.
Bruck's words haunted him and the betrayal of his friends tore his heart. His rejection by Master Jinn had been the last straw.
As he ran, the word beat like a drum within his head. How could it have come to this? How could he be so hated within a building where hatred was frowned upon? He had lost his friends, he had no family and he wasn't good enough to be anything.
Failure.
He ran through the traffic, startling the drivers, and swerving through the lanes. He went up through the levels and back down through the levels. Everything was a gray blur to the boy; he was too busy concentrating on his inner thoughts.
The shops whizzed past and the people stopped looking like people. It was like he was running in a dream world. Only one thing was clear in the boy's mind. Get as far away as possible from the Temple.
Unlucky perhaps, as the boy ran, the forces that wished it let the heavens open up and rain poured down on the boy. He didn't even notice it. It soaked him through to the skin and weighed him down in his robes. He didn't even think to put his hood up.
A shuttle bus was loading up and without thinking the boy shoved his way in, making the driver yell and the passengers curse. He paid them no attention. They took one look at his robe, his aura of anger and hatred and took in the fact that he was a Jedi. They didn't bother him. He pushed his way down the very back and collapsed into a pile on the seat. He curled himself up, tucked his feet underneath himself and rested his pounding head on the window.
Everyone tried their best to avoid him.
The boy shivered, the trembles racking his body, the shock of what he had down beginning to set in. He had run away from the Temple. He had attacked another Jedi. He had vandalized the library. He had let anger and hatred control him. He had yelled at his friends. He had thrown away his lightsaber. All of those crimes had a severe punishment. He had let Bruck get to him. No physical punishment here, but the mental punishment was enough.
But Bruck had been right. He was a failure.
Failure.
He couldn't go back. He didn't belong there. He wasn't a Jedi and no matter how hard he tried, he would never be a Jedi. He would never be chosen. Everyone around him got chosen but him……..? He was always the one left standing alone.
The boy gave an uncertain maniacal grin. He was the one left standing in the rain. "Yep, this would have to rate about a 9.5 on my 'worst day possible' meter." He closed his eyes and let the shuttle speed to him to whatever destination it wanted.
****The little group of friends finished cleaning up the books and restacking the shelves and arranging the library so it looked almost normal, then continued with their study. They were so deeply involved that they didn't realize what time it was when they finally closed the covers.
5 hours had passed since Obi-Wan had left the Temple.
They returned to their respective Padawan-Master dwellings in high spirits, the incident with the young initiate virtually forgotten.
The night passed and the next day begun. Another 6 hours passed before someone realized that Initiate Kenobi was missing but by then it was too late.
Initiate Kenobi was already dying.
****Ha! I told you this one moves a bit quicker then my other LONG story!
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