Sorry, but the forward is long today!
Culf: Well, in reality I have seen the 2nd Blues Brothers. I quite liked it too - especially the zombie song (but i haven't seen it in a long time, so i can't remember much of it.) But I didn't get that saying from there. It comes from, "God works in mysterious ways...." You know that one don't you? Yes, i came on last night to update but found out about the fanpress thing. I could wait the extra night.....could you? Belly of a Sarlacc? That's from the 2nd movie......? I can't remember. You know too much about the SW universe!
bored2death: YAY!! You're back!!! *huggies* You reviewed my story! *huggies* You find my fics emotionally moving? *stares* And you NEARLY CRIED?? *wide eyes* YAY!!! Although, when i wrote this fic, i didn't actually intend for it to be so moving! I admit i tried hard to make it sad in WYOM when Obi died....
Agent Jaid: Sorry, but i finished the fic and theres no more Bruck-taunting-Obi bits. But i hope you enjoy what i've done!
Amy-san: Jinny-pooh? Macey-pooh? *tries out her name* Roz-pooh? *tries out her alter ego's name* Zor-pooh? Nah, just doesn't fit that last one. Well, it was either Mace or Yoda and i don't think i could do Yoda. No Obi-torture - well, not in the physical sense anyway.
SF-Grl: Just my luck that i did huh?
Remnants: Welcome!
Sadie: Yes, but is he really rescued?
Sorry, but i missed out replying to two people. Can you ever forgive me?
Also, this is a pretty long chapter - double my normal size. But i just couldn't find somewhere to cut it off and i thought, "Hey. I'm sure they won't mind having a longer then normal chapter......" So yeah. Enjoy.
And just so you know, I've finished writing out the complete story and the end is pretty near so lap it up while you can!
Enjoy!
****"I'm sorry Master Jinn. There is nothing that we can do to wake him." The healer's voice was full of sympathy.
Qui-Gon stared hollowly at the boy lying flat and motionless on the bed.
"But there must be a reason why he will not wake!" Mace cried brazenly.
"We have run many tests Master Mace but we cannot find a reason why Initiate Kenobi will not wake." The healers voice was patient but even he felt the despair radiate out from the Masters.
Qui-Gon couldn't believe this was happening. It couldn't be happening. It just had to be a bad dream. Yes, that's what it was. A very bad dream.
They had brought the boy back to the Temple, everyone had been overjoyed to have him back – but their cries of happiness had silenced themselves as they saw the injuries that the young Initiate had sustained.
Even Master Nygher's Padawan had the grace to appear upset about the whole incident. He said he hadn't meant for 'Oafy-Wan' to 'run out and get himself killed'. It had all been a joke.
Qui-Gon's jaw tightened as he thought of the humiliating nickname that Bruck had christened his soon-to-be Padawan with. No wonder the boy had virtually no self-esteem.
And Kenobi's friends. They had been frantic and worried when they had realised the boy had gone missing. When Kenobi had returned they were joyful and repentant about their treatment of the young Initiate. But now that they had been told that Kenobi had fallen into a self-induced coma, they were hysterical. Believing that they had a part to do with it.
They probably did. Qui-Gon told them the facts coldly and emotionlessly. It had shaken them, but then Qui-Gon thought that they needed a good shaking.
They needed to stop taking the young boy for granted. It still might cost him his life.
They had brought the boy back to the Temple. Everything had been fine. The Healers had placed him in a bacta tank and healed his broken chest and various broken bones. He had not waken in the tank.
He's alright. The Healers had said. Everything will be fine – they had said. He had gone through intensive traumatic stress. After all, he did nearly die. His mind would wake up when it felt it was ready to.
So Qui-Gon Jinn had patiently waited for his soon-to-be Padawan to wake up.
And he hadn't.
That had been three weeks ago.
If anything he was getting worse. He had long since moved out of the physical danger but it seemed he was sinking further into mental danger.
Qui-Gon was jerked out of his reverie by the Healer's next words – "He should've waken up several weeks ago but he has not. The longer he sleeps, the deeper in he falls."
"Are trying to say that the longer he stays in his coma, the harder it will be to convince him to wake up?" Qui-Gon curtly asked.
The healer nodded sadly, "I'm afraid you're right Master Jinn. Already, it might be too late to wake him."
"No!" The word erupted out of his mouth before he could stop it, "Don't say that!"
"I'm sorry, but it is the truth Master Jinn." The healer sighed and looked at his feet, "As the hours pass, his brain rests even deeper in its stupor and it will not be long before the boy's mind will completely close off from his body and his body will not be able to sustain itself."
Qui-Gon gaped at the words and stuttered, "A-are you saying that if Kenobi continues to sleep – he will die?"
The healer looked the Master in squarely in the eyes and replied softly, "He will either die, or he will stay in his coma forever."
"There is no hope for him?" Mace cried, trying to find a lead that would save the Initiate.
"It is the boy himself, that is the cause of the trouble. He is physically fine. But something is bothering him so deeply, something that's causing him to shy away from consciousness. The longer he stays in his coma, the harder it will be for him to find his way out." The healer stopped, thought deeply then continued.
"Although, since his body is functioning strong and properly at the moment, he should be fine for another couple of weeks. I do not know exactly Masters!" The healer cried and threw his hands in the air for emphasis. "He could wake up in two minutes, in two months, in two years or not at all! It is all up to the boy himself. But something prevents him from waking – and I know not what it is."
Qui-Gon sat down heavily and took the boy's pale hand in his large one. He observed the size difference silently for a moment, then looked up at the Healer and his friend. "So, we must find out what stops him from waking, and we must find it soon?"
"Yes." The healer replied softly.
"How can we do that?" Mace spoke up.
"I don't know." The healer spoke simply in his turn.
Mace looked down at his friend and spoke to whoever was listening, "Then lets hope that we find a way soon."
****Obi-Wan trembled and wrapped his arms around his knees. It was cold down here. As he laid his head upon his arms, he looked around at his surroundings and shivered.
He didn't know how long he had been there and he didn't care. All he knew was that it was better down here. He wasn't in anyone's way, he couldn't fail anyone, he couldn't harm them – and although he didn't consciously think it, they couldn't harm him.
No one could reach him – deep in his mind, where he had fled. And that's the way that the little Initiate wanted it to stay.
****Qui-Gon took one last look at the boy stretched out on the white linen and reluctantly followed his friend out of the room.
"Jinn? JINN! Focus! Hello?" Mace had to try several times to get Qui-Gon's attention.
Qui-Gon focussed blearily on his friend and wearily replied, "What? What is it that you want Mace? He needs me in there." He indicated with a flick of his head to the boy lying still.
Mace frowned and made his comments blunt and to-the-point. "Qui-Gon, this is not healthy for you."
"It is not healthy for Kenobi either!" Qui-Gon snorted sarcastically in reply.
"No. I mean, pining after this boy. Jinn, you know full well, that it is more then likely that he will never wake up. You are my friend, Qui-Gon and I do not want you wishing for something that will not come true." Mace laid his hand on the tall man's shoulder.
Qui-Gon gaped, "What are you trying to say Mace?"
"What I'm trying to say is – give up the ghost. The boy is lost. He is lost, deep in his own mind and he has made it perfectly clear that that is where he wants to remain."
"Mace! How could you??" Qui-Gon was shocked at his friend's change of demeanour.
"Look Qui-Gon! I nearly lost you after that stupid blow-up with Xanatos! We nearly lost you! Do you realise what a blow that would have dealt us? Do you realise how much that your loss would affect the Jedi community?" Mace laid out his jumbled feelings on the incident with Qui-Gon's unfortunate ex-Padawan.
Qui-Gon narrowed his eyes, "Are you now referring to me as some card to be dealt to the enemy in the worst case situation?"
"Yes! NO! What I mean is that, you make a huge difference to people here at the Temple and whether you know it or not, we cannot afford to lose you!" Mace cried exasperatedly.
"So what does this have to do with Kenobi?" Qui-Gon tried to sew the ends together, with a puzzled frown lining his delicate brow.
"I saw how devastated you were after Xanatos fell. When this boy falls, how much more hurt will you be? You were deeply hurt by Xanatos and you knew him for years! You've only known this boy for mere days and yet, already I see that you have formed a bond with the boy. In a few days I've seen you form a bond with this boy, and the bond is the same, even stronger, then the one you had with Xanatos!" Mace tried to make his friend see his side of the argument.
But Qui-Gon remained obstinately blind. "He might still wake. Remember that!"
Mace sighed. Why did Qui-Gon Jinn have to retain his reputation for being the most stubborn man in the universe? "It is a question of when he will fall. Not if. You heard what the healer said. The chance of him waking up is extremely slim. He does not want to wake. He has sealed himself away in some corner of his mind that we cannot reach. He ran seeking sanctuary in his mind, and now that he has found it – he will not leave. That is the truth my friend."
Qui-Gon stared in disbelief. Was Mace telling him what Qui-Gon thought he was telling him? "Are you telling me to leave the boy alone? To let him die?"
Mace winced at the last, harsh sentence. "Yes. As a friend, I am asking, even begging, you to step back before this boy burns you."
"And let him die?" Qui-Gon tonelessly repeated.
Mace's face hardened and iron entered his voice, "Yes. To let him die. He is already lost. The loss of one is bad enough, two need not go. Leave him be!"
Qui-Gon's face instantly wiped itself of all emotions and he coldly asked, "Is that advice from an old friend?"
Mace swallowed and tried to keep his face stern, "Yes. Advice from an old friend. And an order from a councillor."
Qui-Gon's face did not show any of the shock that he felt swirling in his heart. Instead the tall man put his hands in his robes and bowed stiffly. "As you wish Master Mace." He then turned smartly around and walked jerkily down the corridor.
Mace watched his friend's retreating back, his face a shade paler then its normal dark tone and flinched at the remembrance of an old friend using his title in such a way. He walked unsteadily to a seat and collapsed silently into the chair. He put his head in his hands and whispered to himself:
"May the Force forgive me."
****Obi-Wan stood up and went for a walk around his sanctuary. It did not take long. As he walked, he looked at his feet. They sloshed through puddles on the ground, the icy water soaking through his shoes and numbing his toes.
Failure.
The word still haunted him in his sanctuary. He could not fully escape it. Well, he could but heading in that direction slightly scared the boy. He placed a hand up against the cold wall, all warmth immediately sapped from his hand and disappearing into grey coloured barrier. He pressed harder and saw with satisfaction that the wall did not give much.
When the boy had first fled to his sanctuary all of the walls had been flimsy, bending at will, allowing the boy to pass through if he wished it.
But he did not wish it.
And time after time, the young Initiate had sat there and slowly strengthened them. Soon he would not be able to pass back through and more importantly:
No one would be able to break through.
****Qui-Gon paced his little room, his mind in a quandary.
How could he thrust this on me? He knows how I feel about this boy! He knows how important he is to me. Qui-Gon frantically thought while pacing the length and breadth of his tiny room.
Qui-Gon tried to think of a loophole. A way that he might be able to help the boy without disobeying his friend's order. After several minutes of frenzied pacing and thinking, the tall Master admitted defeat and sunk down on his bed, his head propped up on his hands, his elbows on his knees.
There was no way that he could help the boy and follow the council's orders.
"Then I won't." Qui-Gon came to simple conclusion with clarity and stood up with strength of purpose. "I will help that boy."
****Obi-Wan turned from the wall and looked at the dark corridor that beckoned him. He had refrained from going down there because frankly, it scared the little Initiate immensely to just imagine where it would lead.
While the area he was currently 'living' in was grey and stagnant, the dark corridor was, well, dark and oppressive. The boy knew instinctively that if he started to walk down the corridor, then he could never return. But it was the one place where The Word could not haunt him.
If he went down that hall, nothing would haunt the boy.
Ever again.
****Mace tossed and turned in his bed, just like Obi-Wan had done so, just mere days ago.
He could not sleep.
Suddenly he flung his arm out and let it lay on top the blankets, and stared desperately at the ceiling. What he had done was right, wasn't it? The boy had been lost, hadn't he? He was doing it with the best intentions for his friend, wasn't he?
If so, why did it feel like he had just sold his soul to the Dark Side?
****Qui-Gon walked boldly down the hall, heading resolutely to the infirmary.
He was going to save this boy.
As he rounded the corner and stepped over the threshold to the boy's room, he wavered. What if he couldn't save the boy?
The tall Jedi stamped out any self-doubts and forced himself to walk calmly to the boy's bed. The small Initiate looked paler, stiller and more innocent then Qui-Gon had ever seen him. The boy's pallor had the man worried and his slight hitch in breathing concerned him even more.
Without further ado, he sunk deep into a chair beside the Initiate's bed and took his small, unresponsive hand. He studied the small hand for a moment, taking in the faint lines and smooth skin before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes.
What he hadn't mentioned to Mace was the bond that he had formed with the child. Mace had seen a friendship bond, a parental bond that had sprung up in the time of need but he hadn't seen the Padawan/Master bond that had instantly attached itself to the two.
It had taken Qui-Gon several days to realise what the small, niggling feeling in his mind had been. It had been a long time since he had felt one – the one he had had with Xanatos had been dark and a burden to bear.
Although at the time, the Master had thought it the norm and wasn't surprised when Xani had blocked him and shielded from him numerous times. The one that he had had with Xanatos had been wide and as deep as a wound. The one that he had with Kenobi was light, airy and refreshing.
It was also incredibly faint and touchy and even now, when the Master touched it, it trembled under the slight pressure.
Qui-Gon could only hope that it would support what he was about to put it under. It hadn't been formed for this type of stress and it was only very new.
After taking in another deep breath, he relaxed his body and prayed frantically for the Force to give him strength.
And luck.
****Obi-Wan stirred from the place where he had sunk down. He slightly opened his eyes and was surprised to see that he was sitting in one of the icy-cold puddles. He hadn't even noticed or felt the water.
He was sinking deeper into his stupor.
Something within the sanctuary changed. The young Initiate frowned. He didn't know what was going on but something was changing.
And he didn't like change. Change always meant something new. Something new meant trouble. And trouble always meant failure.
Failure.
Maybe it was time to go? Obi-Wan stood up shakily and nearly fell over, his legs numb and frozen after sitting in the puddle for so long. He took a step forward and stopped.
It was that feeling again. It tingled up his spine and suddenly his sanctuary looked a bit smaller. The black corridor looked more inviting and promising. He took another step forward but something made him look back over his shoulder.
And what he saw made him stop with shock.
His wall was bending inwards.
****Qui-Gon breathed even deeper, deliberately slowing down his heart. He had to go now, or not at all.
Without further ado, Qui-Gon let go of his reality and plunged headfirst into the bond with the boy.
Instantly he found himself in some light grey room but as he looked around him he saw nothing and no one. With visible disappointment he tried to find the boy somewhere near him but it was obvious that the boy had buried himself deeper in his mind.
Qui-Gon sighed and walked onwards and came to a sudden halt as he walked into some sort of tangible mental barrier. He placed his hand against it and drew it back suddenly, surprised. The wall was freezing cold and had given him slight burns. Clenching his teeth, he placed his hands, palm down on the wall again and let the pain from his palms flow through him.
The boy was on the other side of this barrier – he was sure of it. Even with the wall in between he could feel the other's sorrow, pain, fear and despair. He could almost feel the boy's mind.
He tried to communicate with the boy, but something was stopping him. It was either the boy himself or the wall. Something was happening. He could feel the boy distancing himself – the bond in his mind was becoming weaker.
Qui-Gon cried and threw himself bodily against the wall. The wall bent inwards slightly but did not permit him to pass through. Qui-Gon cursed in a very un-Jedi-like fashion and desperately tried to communicate with the boy.
Nothing happened. Then the boy started fading away again.
There was no time for screaming hysterics. Qui-Gon placed his hands against the barrier and concentrated fiercely.
He had to break the barrier if he wanted to save the boy and he had to do it quickly. He searched deep within himself to find the power and the energy and cried out aloud as he tapped into his well of power and turned it viciously on an assault against the wall.
The boy was fading quicker.
With satisfaction he watched the wall bend under his will but then suddenly the proverbial rammer stopped. He had come to the end of his power reserve.
And the wall hadn't broken. It groaned under the strain and was close to shattering point, but Qui-Gon had no more pressure to force it to break. Qui-Gon desperately made a quick and frenzied search for another power reserve but knew that he had none left.
The only power that he had left to use to defeat the wall was currently being used to hold the gateway open between their two minds.
The boy faded further.
Qui-Gon made a snap decision and without looking back, yanked his lifeline free and before his mind could suck him back into his body, smashed the wall open and fell unconscious into the dark, grey room beyond.
****Obi-Wan backed away in fright as he watched his wall bend inwards. Something was coming in. Something was invading his sanctuary.
Failure.
He couldn't even keep his sanctuary to himself. He had failed even himself.
Without realising it, he kept backing towards the dark corridor and watched with horrific concentration as his wall buckled inwards with the strain. Every step he took, made the wall creak more ominously and quiver with built up tension.
Suddenly, the wall stopped its inward momentum and the boy wretched himself out of watching his barrier's disintegration. He spun around on his heel, and made to flee down the dark corridor – all rational thoughts long absent.
He arched his back, stumbled and fell as if physical pain plagued him and a split second later, his wall shattered. He put up his hands to ward off the flying, sharp splinters and cried out in pain as several tore deep into his arms.
Then suddenly everything was still once again. The sanctuary remained its dull grey and another wall had taken place of the shattered one. Everything looked like it should.
Except for one thing. There was a body lying in the young Initiate's sanctuary.
****Qui-Gon cracked open an eyelid and groaned with the effort. He slowly sat himself up and grimaced. He felt as bad as he did when he had gone on a drinking binge for a whole week after Xanatos' fall. The hangover had laster over two weeks. Well, he had drunk a fair amount.
He carefully shook his head, to clear it of the cobwebs and looked around him. He very nearly groaned again, as he was faced with another grey room. Darker this time. Oppressive, life-sucking even. It appeared that all his effort had gone for nothing.
And now he didn't now how to return.
He was jerked out of thoughts as he heard someone or something sniffle in the shadows. Hardly daring to believe he struggled up to his knees and whispered hoarsely:
"Initiate Kenobi?"
No reply. Ah, but there was! Nothing spoken but there was a harsh scraping of cloth on the ground and a face appeared out of the darkness. Young, pale, emaciated and totally and utterly terrified.
Qui-Gon cleared his throat as he gazed upon the lost boy and tried again, "Obi-Wan Kenobi?"
The apparition backed away a little bit but stayed where the Master could see him. "Y-yes?" The voice was young, innocent and quavered with fear. "W-what are you doing here?"
Qui-Gon sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I am Qui-Gon Jinn, Jedi Master. I came here looking for you."
The boy studied him then asked a blunt question, "Why?"
"Because people are worried about you." Qui-Gon replied just as frankly, surprised at such a simple question where he thought the answer was obvious.
The Initiate laughed, his laughter sounding hollow and tinny, and reverberating strangely around the small room. "You must be mistaken Master Jinn. No one cares for me back there. Only here am I safe. Only here will no one hurt me." The boy then faltered and looked at his grubby and pale hands, "Only here, I am not hated."
"No one hates you!" Qui-Gon cried in amazement. Why does he think that?
"No one hates me?!?! Of course they do! Why else am I always left behind? Why else am I the one that everyone makes fun of? Why else am I the one that people ridicule and taunt? It's because I am a failure. A FAILURE!" He screamed the word and pounded his hand into the cold ground.
Qui-Gon sat there shocked. A failure? How can he see himself like that? He's better then most of the people around him. How can he not see that? He fights better then any of them. How can he not see that??
"You are not a failure." Qui-Gon said gently and reached out his hand.
Obi-Wan took no notice of the proffered hand but continued to blindly chant the word that haunted him, "Failure. Failure. That's what I am. I'm a failure. A failure. Everyone tells me so. A pathetic failure. The Jedi call me that. And then everyone else calls me that because I was a Jedi."
"Huh?" Qui-Gon didn't grasp that last bit. "What do you mean Kenobi? What do you mean everyone else calls you pathetic because you were a Jedi?"
"They TRIED TO KILL ME!!" Obi-Wan cried, tears streaming down his face. "They said I was scum and tried to kill me because they said I was a no good Jedi-reject! And they're right! They were right! They should've just killed me!"
"Who tried to kill you?" Qui-Gon clenched his teeth and balled his fists at the anger that the statement ignited in him.
"The people down there! DOWN THERE!!" Obi-Wan started lashing out, his anger getting the best of him. "They HATE ME!! My FRIENDS HATE ME!! They can't wait to LEAVE ME! You HATE me!! I saw it in your eyes!! EVERYONE HATES ME because I'm a FAILURE! A worthless, Jedi, pitiful failure. I'm always the PITY-CASE!?!? WHY?!?! I try as hard as EVERYONE else!! I just don't get ANYWHERE!" The boy let go of all his pent-up emotions, tears streaming down his face.
"Even Bruck got chosen before me!! WHY HIM??? I'm better then him I know. I don't taunt people, I try to help them. But then they turn around and spit it back in my face. WHY??? What did I do to deserve it?? But I do deserve it!" The initiate sprung the resentment back on himself. "I deserve it because I'm a failure."
"No!" Qui-Gon gasped and scooted closer. Before the boy could act, he wrapped his long arms around the frail child and pulled him into his lap and crushed him against his chest. "Child! Listen! Listen to my heartbeat. As long as you hear that, know that you are not a failure! If you were, would I bother to come all this way just to rescue a failure? What would be the point of that? I do not hate you! I love you Obi-Wan!"
Obi-Wan stilled for a mere second, hearing the man's heart beat reassuringly through his tunic but then tried to push himself away, the hurts not easing so easily. "I do not belong in the Temple! People do not want me there! Bruck, Bant, Garen and Reeft do not like me! They hate me!! I failed my teacher, I hit a fellow student, I desecrated the library, I lashed out in anger and hatred and I failed the Jedi code. You do not even know me! You didn't even look at me in my lightsaber performance. You yelled at me. Everyone hates me, because I am a failure."
The boy struggled for a bit longer but when the older man made no move at letting him go he gave in and exhaustedly rested his head against the man's chest. Spoken so softly, so that Qui-Gon himself almost missed it, the boy whispered:
"Everyone hates me. I hate me."
Qui-Gon forced the boy to look up into his eyes and the young Initiate flinched at the emotions swirling in the deep, grey depths. "Obi-Wan Kenobi. Listen to me. Everyone does not hate you. Your friends do not hate you. I do not hate you. In fact, I wish to take you as my Padawan."
The boy stared up at him, totally speechless, "What?"
Qui-Gon Jinn smiled softly and repeated himself, "I want to take you as my Padawan."The child gaped then lowered his head, "But….B-but I am not worthy of the great Jinn."
Qui-Gon laughed and placed the boy's head back against his beating chest, "That is not true Padawan. I believe that I am not the one worthy to teach you!"
Obi-Wan coloured a bit at the name but didn't say anything.
Failure………?
Qui-Gon Jinn grinned with satisfaction. He was finally getting through to the boy.
Everything was going to be fine.
Except for one thing.
Qui-Gon didn't know how to find his way back through the boy's mind back to reality.
****Ha! Bet you didn't see that coming did you? Send me a review! Tell me what you see! (I see pride! I see power! I see a badass mother, who won't take NO CRAP from NOBODY!!!) - Cool Runnings.
Sorry, but i LOVE that movie.