Author: Rae
Title: Indulging the Heart
Rating/summary/notes in the first part
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February 8th
Where do I even begin to describe yesterday? Maybe I should start with the day before and bring everything up to speed?
Chronological order.
The 6th
1) Broke up with Sora/was broken up with by Sora
2) Realized that I was gay
3) Tai and Sora started going out
The 7th
4) Suffered the multitude of sympathy-givers, and survived the home visitations of such
5) Was invited to the mall to have a fun time
6) Was 'out'ed in mall by best friend, in front of strangers, friends, and…everyone.
7) Was pulled aside by Sora, who apologized, and Tai, who asked if 'it' was him.
8) Had to inform them both that I wasn't lusting after my ex's boyfriend…or my ex.
9) Promised Tai that I wasn't after his sibling
10) Had to promise him that I wasn't after mine
11) Got into a fist fight with Tai over pervertedness
12) Left mall with a rip in my new shirt and a promise (that sounded like a threat) from some of the gang to come visit today
I am really not looking forward to that 'visit'. I have no idea who's really coming over, and I still haven't figured out -why-. I don't remember mentioning needing help with anything, or offering to help with anything, and I can't imagine why they'd want to come here. We can hang out any place, why my apartment?
And I've been trying to block it from my mind, but I keep picturing the look of shock on Takeru's face yesterday. He didn't say anything, and with my little brother, that's not really a good sign. I don't know what to think, or what he's thinking, or what I should be thinking about what he's thinking.
It's all a hopelessly confused mess. I had hoped to make it through this week, but it's a possibility that I won't make it through this day. I just hope that my dad doesn't come home and demand to know what's going on. I can just imagine the gang's excuse. "Yamato's gay, and we're here as his support group?" or "Yamato's gay, we're here to talk him back to sanity?"
I don't think either of those would really work. What I really need right now is to go back in time to the sixth, and keep me and Sora from breaking up. Even if it's for another week.
I got really depressed last night, thinking about this week, and what I was doing last year at this time, and the year before. And it makes me sick to think exactly how much I've been using Sora.
And then I'm happy that we're through, because she's happy, and…Well, I'm 'out'. That's a step farther than I was this time yesterday.
I still don't know why Tai kissed me, except that he's a stupid jerk. Heh. There's a thought. I've kissed both sides of that boy-girl relationship. Sora was better.
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Takeru looked nervously at his brother's door, as if he expected it to open suddenly to reveal some big surprise. His companions were a little confused by his attitude. To them, it should have been easy; Yamato was Yamato, and it was okay if he liked guys. No big deal, nothing to cause such hesitance in their young blond friend.
Finally, feeling frustrated and a little less than amused by Takeru's attitude, Daisuke shoved him out of the way and rang the bell, then turned his head to look at the blond. "Don't be a dork, Takimi [1]."
The door opened, and Takeru wasn't given a chance to retort before he was faced with his brother. Even though Daisuke was the one standing in the door, Yamato's gaze went directly to his brother.
Returning the favor from a moment before, Takeru pushed Daisuke aside, and then took a step forward and embraced his brother. "Sorry I didn't say anything yesterday," he murmured, smiling slightly when his brother returned the hug. Yamato squeezed him once, gently, and Takeru knew that he was forgiven for whatever thoughts or doubts he might have had.
The group, which consisted of Sora, Tai, Daisuke, Takeru, and Hikari, filed into the Ishida apartment. Shoes were deposited at the door, and Yamato went to get something for everyone to drink. Sora, from habit and a desire to help, followed him into the kitchen and let him load cups into her waiting arms.
Tai leaned against the wall, smiling at them. Yamato raised an eyebrow at him as he walked back into the living room, but Tai simply shrugged innocently, and the blond rolled his eyes.
"So, what brings you all to my humble home?" Yamato asked as he set a pitcher of tea on the low table in the middle of the living room. No one answered him, and he looked at each of them before turning back to Tai and Sora. "Anyone?"
"We love you, Yamato," Tai started, sidling up and wrapping his arm around his shoulders. "And we don't want you to be a lonely dork, so…" he trailed off, looking at his girlfriend.
Sora sighed, shaking her head. "So, we thought we'd see about finding you someone."
"'Someone'?" Yamato said questioningly, his face impassive. Tai and Sora looked at each other, and then nodded together. Someone snickered, and everyone turned to look at Daisuke, who was smothering laughter behind his hand. "What's so funny, Motomiya?"
The auburn-haired teen grinned, looking up unrepentantly. "My sister isn't on your list," he said, smugness evident in his tone and expression. "But I am."
Yamato sighed, his shoulders drooping. However, he couldn't help but smile a bit.
-----~~~~~-----
It was very tempting to inform them all that if I wanted their help, I would have asked for it…but that wouldn't have been nice, and they all seemed very excited at the prospect of hooking me up.
I can't help but feel less than optimistic.
I think I have faith in Sora and Hikari. Being the intuitive females that they are, I'm sure that they'll be able to weed out the more unlikely of my prospects. However, and this is where I'm getting the cloud that says 'DOOM' following me around, Taichi and Daisuke seem to have taken the lead in this whole show.
Out of everyone, they seem to be the most determined. Or maybe it's just that when they both start something, they take it over and make it -their- 'thing'. Sora, Hikari, and Takeru are all so used to letting them lead that they've already taken a more supportive role, and it's only been yesterday, that they decided all of this.
Tai split them up into 'teams' shortly before they left. It seems that I lacked something as a boyfriend, if their plan is anything to go by. It makes me wonder how much Sora actually had to put up with me, as compared to just being with me.
It's been a long time since I've seen her so relaxed, so comfortable just sitting around and letting us all talk. When I look back now, I see a kind of strain on her shoulders, and it seems now that she was always trying to stay right in the midst of things. I wonder who put that stress on her? Did I do it, inadvertently? Or was it something she did herself, to ensure that she was always a part of it?
I don't like what that brings me to next…and I don't think I'll dwell on it right now. I'm supposed to be getting dancing lessons tonight. Three years with a girlfriend, and I never learned, and suddenly I'm gay, and it's something I'm required to know.
Dancing lessons, and from my ex-girlfriend, no less.
-----~~~~~-----
"What's the matter, Yamato?" Sora asked as she pushed play on the radio. It was just them in the apartment. Mr. Ishida wasn't due back until later that evening, and Tai had opted out of their little session. His only comment had been a wink and a statement of trust.
"I'm never going to be able to use this, unless I actually -go- on a date. It's not like there will be a chance for me to use this before then, and even then…" He shrugged.
"You can't see using your dancing skills?" she suggested with a smile. She shrugged as well. "You may be surprised, you know. You might wind up with a partner that likes to go dancing."
He shook his head. "Where in this city would two guys go to dance with each other? Which reminds me," he stared at her with narrow eyes. "Who came up with the realization that I was gay? And why did your boyfriend kiss me?"
She laughed, coming to stand in front of him as the music continued to pour out of the radio.. "I was the one with the suspicion, though I wasn't absolutely certain. And Tai kissed you because…to him, it was the easiest way to show that he was cool with it. Remember, his philosophy in life is to act first, suffer the consequences, and after that, think it through."
They both laughed. In the background, the second song came on, and Sora held her arms up.
"Okay, you put your hands here…and here…"
A short while later, Sora moved to change cassettes in the tape player, and Yamato went to answer the door. Taichi was standing in the hall, grinning and holding a paper bag. "Tai," Yamato greeted, holding the door open.
"Yama!" the brunette cried happily. He reached around and squeezed Yamato's shoulders as he entered the apartment. "Where's my girl?" he asked, already heading towards the living room, kicking his shoes off without thinking about it.
"I thought you weren't going to be here," Matt commented, following behind his friend.
Tai threw him a look over his shoulder and shrugged. "Not for the first part. Sora can teach you all about dancing with a girl on her own, ya know?" He grinned when he saw his girlfriend. He pressed the bag against Yamato's chest without looking at him, and then moved forward to pull Sora into a hug, spinning her once before kissing her cheek and setting her down.
Yamato sniffed the bag, then opened it and looked inside. "Thanks for bringing dinner," he said wryly. He went into the kitchen to get utensils to eat with, and Tai took the time to greet his girlfriend properly.
They settled in the living room to eat, Yamato taking the chair so that Tai and Sora could have the couch together. They sat apart, leaving space between them, and Yamato realized that they were doing it so that he wouldn't feel uncomfortable.
With a roll of his eyes, he stood up, and went to sit next to Tai. Still eating his food and acting nonchalant, he moved closer, shoving Tai over a bit. They both looked at him, and he nudged Tai with his arm, silently telling him to move over some more. He complied, and when Yamato was satisfied that they were sitting close enough together, he stood up and went back to his chair.
Tai still looked confused, but Sora smiled and leaned against him, winking at Yamato. When the food was gone, they threw the bag and the take out containers away, and Sora went to put the music back on.
"So, am I going to learn a new dance?" Yamato asked, standing ready in the middle of the room. Tai grinned at him. "I don't trust that look," the blond said as he watched his best friend come closer.
"Oh, don't be such a wuss, Yamato. I'm just going to teach you how to follow now." Blue eyes widened in surprise, but Yamato didn't argue as Tai placed Yamato's hands in the appropriate places. "This hand goes here…and this one goes here…"
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[1] We all know that in the U.S. dub, 'Davis' has a real problem saying Takeru's name. Well, there was a question once about how exactly he would have screwed it up in the Japanese. 'Takimi' is derived from 'Takaishi'. Any other derivations are probably meant as insults as well, but I won't be marking it after this point.